Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

30. Chapter 30 - Aftermath

Chapter 30.

Mike remained unconscious. Both Harvey and Donna stayed with him. A doctor stopped by and upped Mike's medication a bit, and after that he looked more comfortable than before. He was asleep for another four hours after that before he showed any signs of waking up. It was a slow process and Donna was the one who noticed it first.

Harvey didn't really know what he had expected how it would be when Mike woke up again, but it wasn't this. He had expected Mike to maybe be a bit groggy and tired, but that was all. Donna nudged him on the arm and indicated at Mike.

"I think he is waking up." It was true because Mike's eyelids were starting to open. It looked like it took a lot of effort, and Harvey almost wanted to lean forward and help the kid out, but poking him in the eye probably wasn't good.

"Hi sweetie. That's it, open your eyes. I like to see them opened Mike." Donna encouraged. Eventually they fluttered open long enough for Harvey and Donna to see that Mike wasn't really with them at all. It's amazing that you actually could tell from just one look, that Mike was out of it. In a second his face transformed from its rather peaceful unconscious state unto one of discomfort and pain. His open mouth let out a soft moan as he blinked straight ahead.

"Mike, honey, can you hear us? Are you okay?"

Mike didn't react and just twisted a bit on the bed and his hands grasped the sheets. Donna tried again to get some sort of contact with him but it didn't work. Harvey met her worried eyes and tried himself.

"Mike, it's okay. You are okay." He said, trying to get eye contact.

"I'll get someone." Donna said and disappeared.

"Hey, Mike. You with me?" Harvey patted his arm a bit. Mike just groaned again and moved jerkily beneath his hand, his eyes were glazed over and flickered open and close rapidly. Mike moaned and his hands searched their way up to his chest. "Oww…"

"I know, I know." Harvey murmured. "You will be okay soon, kid. Just hang on." Where was Donna with the doctor?

It seemed like Mike was in a great deal of pain and he moved around on the bed the best he could, as if he was trying to get away from the hurt. It was like he wasn't aware of anything else. Harvey couldn't manage to get any sort of contact with him. Thankfully a nurse and a doctor rushed into the room with Donna on their heels a minute later. Harvey got up and out of the way and Mike was soon asleep again.

"Hopefully he will be a bit more comfortable the next time he wakes up." The nurse told them before she once again left them alone with Mike.

"Harvey? Are you okay? You look really pale." Donna said as she sat down next to him again.

"You saw him. He was even aware of where he was."

"I was asking how you are."

He glanced at her. He knew that she probably was concerned about him, but she shouldn't be. Mike was the one who just had to be sedated to not be in too much pain.

"It's just, he is hurting and I can't do a damn thing."

"You are doing something Harvey. You are there for him."

"Yeah, but I rather would see that he wasn't in pain."

"He is okay now."

"That's because he is sedated."

"And he is not in pain Harvey."

Harvey let out a deep sigh. "Yeah I guess you are right." Donna lightly punched him on the arm. "Of course I am." She said. Harvey honestly felt like shit at the moment. Somehow he felt guilty over the fact that he couldn't help Mike in any way, guilty over that it was Mike who was the one in such an immense pain, and not him. He knew it was irrational but it was just how he felt. He knew that Donna probably knew how he was feeling and she did her best trying to cheer him up. But he could see on her that this was hard for her too. Mike was their friend.

Harvey didn't want Mike to wake up in pain again. He was praying that he wouldn't, however his prayers weren't exactly answered because when Mike woke again he was still hurting. Harvey and Donna had silently been talking when Mike started to stir again. They both waited for his reaction. Mike blinked sluggishly and looked around the room until his eyes settled on Harvey.

"Harvey?" He asked.

"Yes, hey Mike."

"What's going on? Where am I?" Mike mumbled as he screwed his eyes shut again.

"You are at the hospital Mike. You are fine."

"No…No…"

"What's wrong Mike?"

"It hurts. My chest." Mike whispered and looked up at him. "Why does it hurt so much?"

"They had to shock you Mike. Maybe that's why."

There were tears at the edge of Mike's eyelashes. He just nodded weakly and looked away. Donna stroke Mike's arm and went for a doctor again. They looked him over and assured him that things would get better soon. Mike just nodded with an expression full of disbelief.

Mike slept on and off after that. He was miserably and quiet when he was awake. Harvey just wished that it was something more that he could do than just sit there and watch Mike struggle to cope. Why wasn't the meds working? Shouldn't they take away the pain?

"Where is Donna?" Mike's hoarse voice asked.

"She had to leave for a bit."

"Why? I thought she was going to be here."

"What? I'm good enough for you?" Harvey joked. Mike did not appreciate it.

"No. I didn't mean…" he said. "I was just wondering where she was."

"She will be back later Mike."

"Okay…" Mike whispered. He looked so sad where he was. A few minutes later his breath hitched and he started crying. It looked like he was trying to hold it in but was failing.

"Oh, hey come on…" Harvey put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. She will come."

"No…" Mike groaned. "It just hurts a bit…"

"Just a bit?"

Mike actually let out a laugh in the middle of the tears. "Yeah. A b-bit." He said. Harvey smiled at him and then he just sat there next to Mike as he cried. He tried to offer comfort and Mike did try to receive it, however it seemed like he just couldn't stop being sad, and it was killing Harvey to see him try like that.

"I'm sorry." He said one time, and Harvey just shook his head and told him not to apologize. "It's not your fault."

Mike didn't answer him, just grabbed the sheets tighter in his hands and closed his eyes again. He was breathing hard and Harvey yet again felt helpless.

– SUITS –

Mike didn't really know how long he had been asleep when he woke up. He didn't feel good at all. He was sweaty and felt shaky. His whole body felt itchy and his chest was hurting.

He had woken up a few times before. He was so grateful to Harvey and Donna because either both or one of them had been there every time, and that was just great.

He remembered what had happened at the office. He remembered the feeling in his chest of his heart acting strange, and then the fear he had felt that he was in fact dying. He had really believed that for a second. They had to shock his heart to get it to beat right again! That was scary to think of, so he really preferred not to. But his mind kept going there anyway.

The last time he had woken up he had cried. He just felt so bad. All of these feelings inside him just got too much and he had started crying and embarrassed himself in front of Harvey. But Harvey hadn't seemed to mind all that much, which was good. He had just been sitting there saying nice things until Mike fell asleep again. Harvey was here now too. When he noticed that Mike was awake he put his phone in his pocket and sat up straighter.

"I see you are awake. How are you doing? Any pain?" He looked worried. Probably scared that Mike was about to burst into tears again.

"A bit." He said.

"Donna was just here. She went to grab us something to eat. Are you hungry?"

Mike shook his head. He did not want to eat. He would throw up.

"Oh come on. You can eat something."

"I'm not really hungry Harvey."

"You don't have to be hungry to eat. You can do it anyway."

"Okay, but I don't want to." Harvey studied him with a frown on his face.

"You should eat. You won't get better if you don't eat." he and Mike suddenly felt angry. Why couldn't he just stop?

"Yeah, like that is going to solve all my problems!" He spewed out, surprising himself a bit. Harvey also looked surprised at his outburst, but he continued. "If I just eat everything will be better and I won't fucking die, is that what you are saying!?"

"Woah…" Harvey held up his hands. "That's not what I was saying Mike."

"Yeah, because no matter how much I eat I won't get better!"

"I guess you are feeling better at least, to be able to yell like this." Harvey had a smirk on his face and Mike just felt pissed. He was just ignoring what he was saying.

"Shut up!"

"Did you wake up on the wrong side?"

Mike did his best to just glare at him, and then turn on his bed as much as he could, with his back against Harvey. He wished he could just storm out of the room, but he was hooked up on way too many machines for that to be a good idea.

"All right Mike. Be mad. I'll just wait here for Donna then."

Mike didn't answer him.

"You know, she probably have something for you too. You are the one that has to deal with her. Don't expect any help from me."

Mike felt like crying again now. It was good that Harvey couldn't see his face. He didn't want Harvey to say that, that he wasn't going to help him. He wanted Harvey to help him. With everything. He bit his lip and forced the tears away. He focused on his chest instead. On the pain he felt there. It was something else to think about.

Harvey was right. When Donna came back she had bought him some yoghurt that she wanted him to eat. He did, ignoring Harvey the entire time. If Donna noticed anything she didn't say so.

The pain in his chest didn't ease up until two days later. They had him on pretty high doses of pain relief so things wasn't that bad. But he didn't like being at the hospital. Nothing happened there. Nothing pleasant at least. He got to go on a bunch of different tests, some worse than others. Donna was with him during a painful one and sat next to his head and held his hand.

Harvey and Donna was there as much as they could. At least that was what Mike thought, because they were there a lot. Not all the time, but often. At least it was like that in the beginning of his hospital stay. Even Jessica had stopped by. And Rachel came a few times. Louis also stopped by which had been kind of awkward and Mike had ended up faking sleep until Louis left again. He appreciated the thought though.

But as the days past and they wouldn't let him go home, the visits didn't happen as often. He didn't feel like he could say something about that to his visitors. It was not like he could do much to entertain them while they were there. He was tired a lot and would fall asleep on them, sometimes in the middle of the conversation. Sometimes when he woke up they had left, but almost every time there was a note on the night stand or a text on his phone.

He wanted to go home now though. Today was a bad day. It was his sixth day at the hospital and felt done with it all. He felt awful today. He had barely slept since they insisted on coming and waking him up to draw blood for a test, or check his temperature or blood pressure. No one had visited today and it was past lunch. They had probably all forgotten him. Or they didn't care. Whatever it was they wasn't here and he was alone.

He felt warm and upset. And bored. He was just laying there on his bed alone with his thoughts. He had even tried to get his nurse to stay a bit with him. It was the one named Amanda and she stayed with him for a while, but he noticed that she threw a glance at the watch when she though he didn't notice. He let her go then.

He was so relieved when Harvey stopped by later that night. He almost wanted to cry when he saw him.

"You doing okay?" Harvey must have noticed him tearing up because he patted his shoulder and left his hand there longer than he needed.

They small talked a bit. Harvey told him about his new case that was pretty high profile. It was getting late and Mike was getting sad.

"How long do I have to stay here?" he asked Harvey, who got serious and turned his attention to him from the TV.

"I don't know more than you Mike. They said a while longer right?"

"Yeah, but like, how long is that? A while? That could be one more day or one more week. They are always so vague. I hate that."

"It's because they don't know for sure. And you never know with you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just mean that you might get a complication at any time and they want to keep you another week."

"Don't say that." Mike muttered.

"You will probably be able to come home soon Mike. You are not in any pain now right?"

"No. I feel fine." Harvey raised an eyebrow. "Okay. I feel okay."

"Then maybe tomorrow." Harvey looked at his phone. "I should get going kid." He said.

"Can't you stay?" Mike blurted out before he could stop himself. He didn't want Harvey to go. He didn't want to be alone. An uncomfortable silence spread between them as Harvey looked at him. Mike suddenly felt hopelessness spread within him. Harvey didn't want to stay here with him. He wanted to leave and get back to his own life, not sit on a chair in a hospital with Mike.

"You know what, just forget it." He said before Harvey could answer.

"Mike…"

"It's fine. You can go. I know you want to."

"I wish I could stay Mike, but I…" He paused.

"Yeah, you can't. I get it."

Harvey pursed his lip while he looked at Mike. "You know what. I can stay one more hour." He said and sat down again. Mike couldn't help but smile. He got one more hour. That was nice.

– SUITS –

Mike didn't want him to go. Mike didn't want to be alone. Harvey just couldn't get himself to leave the kid. He hadn't been able to visit him yesterday and he felt a bit guilty about it. He also felt that it wasn't really fair to Mike for him to take on the new case he had now. He had kind of thought that after the case with Louis he would have more time for Mike, but this new case was too good to say no too. He had made a deal with Jessica that if things turned for the worse with Mike, she would step in and help him out with the case. She had asked him whether he shouldn't pass it on to someone else, but he had declined that offer. He could do both. So what if he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, because Mike wanted him there. He had told Mike about the case and he had seemed somewhat exited as well. But now Mike was like another person. His whole person changed. His shoulders slumped down, he wouldn't meet his eyes that was until Harvey told him he would stay a bit longer. Mike looked happy then. That made Harvey happy too. It had been so easy to make another person feel better. Just by saying that he wouldn't leave. Harvey had never experienced much of that before.

It was true that the hospital people didn't want Mike to leave the hospital yet. They were concerned about his heart. It was all pretty scary. It was like Harvey hadn't really realized it until now, just how sick Mike actually was. His heart had started to beat out of rhythm. Of course he had known that there was a high possibility that something like this was going to happen sooner or later. But now it had. He hadn't really talked about it with Mike. He had discussed it with Donna though. She was just as worried as he felt. He didn't tell her that though.

Mike fell asleep before the hour was up and Harvey left after telling the night nurse to call him if Mike woke up and was upset. If that happened he was going to head over. His mind flashed back to the night when Mike had been standing in his bedroom crying. He hadn't really talked much about that either with Mike so he didn't know if Mike was troubled by such sadness every night or not. Maybe they should talk more.

Mike was allowed to leave late in the afternoon the next day. However he was not allowed to do anything that might tire him, including working. Mike had complained of course but had been run over both by Harvey and his doctor.

Harvey brought him home and when they got there Mike fell asleep on the couch and slept until Harvey woke him up and forced him to move to his bed. He slept almost until noon the next day. It was a Saturday so Harvey was home. They spent the day on the couch watching movies and had pizza for dinner. Mike how amazingly slept his way through half the movies seemed happier than Harvey had seen him in a long time. He was joking and insulting Harvey for not cooking for dinner. Then exclaimed his love for the pizza when it arrived.

Sunday was practically the same, except that Mike was in a lot of pain when he woke in the morning. Harvey didn't know how long he had been awake when he stepped in to the kid's bedroom and saw his red rimmed eyes.

"You should have called out for me." Harvey told him as he helped Mike with the pain pills. Mike didn't say a word just swallowed them dry and then accepted the water Harvey handed him.

Harvey felt a bit frustrated. Mike kept doing this, refusing to talk to him, to tell him when he was in trouble. Sure he got that it might be hard for Mike to do so, but they had talked about it many times and still Mike was suffering in silence unnecessary.

Monday morning had Harvey hesitating on what to do with Mike. They had talked about it last night, and Mike had accepted that he needed to stay at home. He had been okay about it, Harvey had asked him three times. However he doubted that Mike really was okay with staying alone. Harvey needed to head to the office for a while. Now he was watching Mike sleep, and wasn't sure if he should wake him, but did.

"Mike. Hey, can you wake up for a minute. I'm heading out now."

"Yeah, okay." Mike groggily said. He looked like he was about to fall asleep again any minute.

"Do you feel all right?"

Mike assured him he was, and fell asleep again before Harvey left the room. He just shook his head and left a glass of water and Mike's pills next to him on the night stand.

– SUITS –

Mike wished he could just go back to sleep again, but the thing was that he had been sleeping for probably fourteen hours or so already today. He was alone in Harvey's apartment and he wished he wasn't. He just hated his life right now. He really did. This was the fifth day since he came home from the hospital. He hadn't really done much during these days. He had spent much of this last three days alone while Harvey was at work. He tried to sleep as much as he could then, it was a better alternative than laying awake and thinking.

Right now, he couldn't really see anything that didn't suck in his life. He was in pain, he was tired all the time, and whenever he was awake he just felt so down and scared all the damn time. The worst however was the loneliness. He didn't know why he felt so lonely. Well at this moment he knew, he was alone, but he also felt alone when Harvey was there. It was so weird. He felt lonely even though Harvey was sitting just behind him by the table.

His brain really was messed up! He tried to comfort himself with the thought that it wasn't his fault, it was the meds and the cancer and the fact that he was fucking dying! It was like he didn't know how to deal with it all. What he felt like doing was to just scream or cry or both until something inside him changed. He just wanted something to change. He was just laying on the couch now feeling like crap. But he didn't really feel up for doing something else. Ever since his heart had that thing where it started beating irregular he had just been so exhausted. He had been told that it was to expect and that he needed to rest as much as he could. Chemo and radiation was put on hold for a while now. He had been worried about it but was assured that it was the best way to go. His body and heart needed a rest. His mind didn't.

Harvey hadn't woken him up this morning. His meds was however neatly placed on the nightstand within reach. He had left that to Harvey, taking care of his medication. He thankful for not having to deal with it himself. Besides, Harvey didn't trust him to handle his medication by himself anymore, after a little mishap where he accidently took a double doss, causing Harvey to freak out. He had been forced to the hospital by Harvey, but they just sent him home again. After that Harvey declared himself in charge of the medication. He was surprisingly organized with it and claimed that Donna hadn't helped him at all when Mike asked.

Mike wanted Harvey to come now! He was so tired of being alone. He hated it. Sure Harvey or Donna came around lunch time every day and they ate together, but then they left again. He wanted to go with them. He didn't want to be left here alone, Donna had left like an hour ago after they shared a salad for lunch. She had helped him walk over to the couch where he currently was resting. She told him that she had a lot to do now a days, making Mike feeling guilty. That was because he wasn't there. Donna was doing his job now as well as her own. That sucked too. He was just causing everyone problems. It was all he did now really. Just about everything involving his person was a problem.

– SUITS –

Harvey turned the lock on the door and quietly closed the door behind him. It was pretty late and he suspected that Mike had gone to bed already. He normally was up waiting for him, even if Harvey had told him repeatedly not to do that. He had called Mike during the day, and the kid had sounded pretty upset when he told him that he was going to be late. At least Mike had said that he wasn't in pain or anything like that. Often when he got home the TV would be on and Mike would be asleep on the couch. Sometimes dinner was set on the table when Mike had felt up for it. This night however he couldn't hear any sound from the apartment at first. However when he started to walk inside of his condo he could hear something. He froze on the spot when he stepped into the kitchen area. It was Mike, and he was crying.

Harvey sighed deeply and just stood in his hallway for a minute collecting himself. He hated the thought of Mike being here alone and upset. The sight of Mike was pretty miserable. He was on his bed, the door had been left wide opened, he had pulled the blanket close against body and was hugging one of the pillows close so that it was mostly covering his face as if he wanted to shut the world out. Harvey let out a silent sigh and quietly left the room. Hopefully Mike hadn't noticed that he was there. He was just going to collect himself and change clothes before he dealt with whatever was going on with Mike now. He was tired.

When he got back Mike was still silently crying down into the pillow. Harvey bit his lip and stepped into the room.

"Mike?" he asked and watched as Mike jerked in surprise of his voice. He didn't answer.

"Mike are you okay?"

Still no answer, just harsh breaths muffled by pillows. Mike was trying to collect himself, and Harvey patiently waited.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Harvey asked and Mike just shook his head. He wouldn't look at him, and Harvey felt slightly annoyed at being ignored. Sure Mike was upset, but it was not like Harvey had done anything to him. He momentarily considered to just leave Mike alone since he obviously didn't want to talk. He honestly didn't feel like sitting there dragging things out of Mike. He wished that Mike for once just would be normal, or act normal. At least not be so upset all the time.

"Look Mike, what do you want from me huh?" he asked.

"I didn't say I wanted something from you."

That was true Harvey had to agree, and he regretted that he had asked the question.

"Clearly something is wrong with you, and I'm just asking what it is here." He said.

"What isn't wrong with me?!" Mike exclaimed. He had turned around now. His eyes were blood shut, and he looked tired.

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Shut up."

Harvey sighed. "Can you just tell me what's wrong, okay?"

"I'm… I'm tired and it hurts, and I'm fucking alone." Was Mike's answer. He was panting and seemed to be getting more upset.

"Okay, calm down, would you." Apparently that wasn't the right thing to say because Mike looked at him with something wild in his eyes and struggled to sit up.

"Calm down. Calm down! You don't get to tell me that. You don't get to tell me to do shit!" he spit out.

"You know what, if you are going to have that tone, you should probably just stay in here. Get some rest." Harvey managed to keep his voice even, knew Mike was just venting but he really didn't appreciate being the target.

"Yeah? So? That's not really anything new Harvey. Guess what I have been doing the whole damn day!"

"Well, that's what you are supposed to do. You are sick."

"I know!" Mike yelled. Face red. Tears started to well up in his eyes again and he angrily wiped them away. "Damn it!" he swore. Harvey thought that he did best in not to say anything at the moment. Mike was just sitting there on the bed, staring down at it. He didn't move. Harvey went and got the chair from his desk and dragged it so that he could sit down in front of Mike. He sat down and waited a bit. Mike was trembling a bit now, but hadn't moved.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you Mike?" Harvey quietly asked. He got Mike's attention at that, and they locked eyes. All the annoyance Harvey previously felt disappeared at that moment and he almost felt ashamed for it. Mike looked so sad.

"Hey…"

"It just…" Mike started. "No one want's to deal with me. No one want's me around. I heard you before. You came and then you left again." Mike rambled, breaking eye contact.

"Shit, Mike. I didn't know you"

"What? That I heard you? You know, even my grandma, she got stuck with me too when my parents died. She never asked for me. No one ever does." Mike whispered and interrupted Harvey. This broken statement completely took Harvey off guard. What was happening now?

"Mike… That's not true." He started.

"Yes it is! No one wants me. I'm alone all the time. I don't get why I'm even doing this?" he mentioned for his chest. "It's not like anyone will miss me anyway. After."

"Hey…" Harvey tried.

"No one wants me. I might just as well die."

"Stop it Mike!"

"No, why should I even do the treatment? It's not like it's going to work! It's heart cancer. You can't survive that!"

"Mike shut up!" Harvey suddenly yelled making Mike freeze on the spot. Harvey's heart was beating hard in his chest. What the hell was going on here? What was the kid talking about? Did he really feel that way?"

"You need to fight this Mike!" he exclaimed.

"Why should I?! There is not like anybody needs me here anyway." Harvey stopped himself from yelling back and just stared at the kid. Did he really believe that?

"I do." He whispered after a few moment of silence. Mike was breathing like he had been running. But at this Mike froze and just looked at him before he said "You do?"

"Of course I do, you idiot!" He was back to yelling again. He wanted Mike to get it. "So don't you dare give up! And never fucking talk like that again." He spit out the last words, making Mike flinch but he didn't care. He wanted Mike rattled, he wanted him to know.

"I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have just left like that I should have said something. I just needed… I'm sorry you had to be alone Mike." He really meant it.

– SUITS –

Mike didn't know what he was doing or saying. It all just came out of him before he had a chance to think it through. Now he felt totally pathetic. But Harvey had said that he needed him. Harvey actually wanted him around. He hadn't gotten mad when he got home and found Mike crying like a baby again. Harvey just said he had needed, something. And now he was sitting there and apologizing to him. It kind of felt good that Harvey did that, so Mike just kept going. There was no point in stopping now. He might as well just get it all out.

"I'm just so tired of all of this Harvey."

"What are you tired of kid?"

Mike felt his eyes start to water. "Everything."

"What are you saying Mike?" Harvey looked both concerned and angry all of a sudden.

"I can't pretend anymore."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"I don't want to be alone." There he had said it. He had finally said it. He watched Harvey for a reaction. He looked a bit relieved but also surprised, apparently it was not what he had been expecting to hear.

"Pretend?" he mumbled. "I thought that you… Okay, so you don't want to be alone. What do you mean?"

"I don't like it."

"Yeah, I got that." Harvey was just sitting there and staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I get scared." He whispered.

"What?"

Mike wasn't sure if he didn't hear him, or if he just thought it was stupid.

"I get scared and sad." He said a bit louder. "I can't handle it anymore. You just leave me here all alone, or at the hospital or in your office, and I just… I don't want you to do that." He was crying now. He was trying to hold it in, but Harvey was just sitting there with an emotionless face.

"Say something!" He yelled. "Say something, don't just sit there."

Harvey sighed.

"What do you want me to say Mike?"

"I don't know! Figure it out yourself." His emotions really was all over the place.

Harvey still didn't say anything, which let Mike continue. Maybe that had been Harvey's plan.

"I want you to stop leaving!" He yelled. "Everybody always leaves, and I don't want you to do that as well. Not you too!"

Harvey suddenly stood up then. "What the hell make you think that I will? I'm not going to abandon you! I have told you that. I'm not!"

Mike stopped, Harvey's outburst made him unsure on how to react. When he didn't say anything, Harvey sat down again and leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face with both hands.

"Look Mike. I know things sucks for you, and all of this must be extremely difficult. And I know I'm not really handling it very well. But I'm doing my best."

"I know Harvey."

"Yeah, but clearly my best sucks. I don't want you to feel alone, okay?"

"I know."

"It's just with work and all… and this… I have never done anything like this before."

"Yeah, it's my first time having cancer too." Mike snapped.

Harvey ignored him. "This is good Mike. That you are telling me this. I want you to tell me stuff, then I can do something about it."

"Yeah…"

"It will be better. Okay? We'll figure something out." Harvey promised, and Mike wanted to believe him. Harvey reached over and patted his knee a bit. "Are we good?" He asked and Mike nodded.

"You want to hang out in the living room then? I guess you haven't eaten yet. "

Mike followed him to the couch and they had dinner and watched some TV, neither of them bringing up any more of what they just had talked about. Harvey looked really tired and Mike thought he looked older than usual. He hadn't really thought of how Harvey was feeling before. He had looked so upset when Mike said those stupid things about not doing the treatment. He had never seen Harvey look like that before, and it made something twitch inside of him. Harvey really cared. He knew that now. He should have known all along, but just sometimes he wasn't sure. He hadnt thought of the fact that maybe this was difficult to deal with for Harvey as well. Had he been selfish when all he kept thinking about was how hard all of this was for him, Mike. It must be hard for Harvey as well, of course. He just hadn't thought about that until now.

"Your best doesn't suck." He said out in the room, keeping his eyes on the TV, but saw how Harvey looked at him.

"Good." Harvey said after a while, and when Mike looked at him, he too had his eyes on the TV.

– SUITS –

Harvey decided to stay at home the next day with Mike. Neither of them said anything about it, but Mike seemed happier. They both knew of course, that the reason Harvey stayed at home was because of the conversation they had had, but according to Harvey it was the right thing to do. He couldn't stay home every day. That wasn't going to work, so they had to figure something out later, but for now, today it was fine. He couldn't have Mike being afraid. He hadn't known that he actually felt afraid when he was alone. That was just terrible. He could imagine Mike laying there on his bed alone in the apartment, waiting and scared. That wasn't right.

Now however it seemed like Mike had a fever. Harvey forced him to take his temperature it found that he was correct.

"I'm just warm that's all."

"Yeah. Sure. Are you aware of that you are about to spill juice all over my couch?" Harvey asked. Mike wasn't, and clumpsily put down the glass again. Unfortunately his fever got higher during the day. Harvey had noticed that Mike with a fever wasn't a good thing at all. Maybe he had had one last night as well. He got extra emotional when he had them. This time though he seemed more confused than anything. Good thing I stayed at home Harvey thought. Mike suddenly got up from the couch where he had been laying and started for the corner of the living room.

"Mike, were are you going?" Harvey carefully asked and got up as well. He did his best to make his voice sound natural. Mike was standing on the floor in the middle of the room and paused when Harvey spoke to him. Mike looked at him for a while before he turned in the direction he had been aiming for. Harvey couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his head. He looked even more confused when he turned back at Harvey.

"I don't know." He stated. He looked back into the corner and pointed towards it. "I was going…"

"There is nowhere for you to go there Mike."

"No there isn't." Mike agreed. "But I thought…"

"Why don't you come and sit down over here with me instead?" Harvey suggested.

Mike looked back and forth between him and the corner, before he nodded a bit and came stumbling towards him. That was a win. He restrained himself from reaching out and steading the younger man, and walked with him to the couch where they sat down. Harvey patted Mike's back a bit.

"You are okay." He told him.

"Okay." Mike said. Harvey could only relax when Mike was asleep a bit later.

They had a problem in front of them now. Harvey needed to work, he needed to head in to the office, but now he couldn't really leave Mike by himself. At least not when Mike was in this state. Sure he could have Donna watch him, but he couldn't really order her to do that all the time. Hopefully Mike would get a bit better soon so that he could come to work.

Harvey's prayers where heard because in the next few days Mike got better. He was at the hospital and they said the same thing. Maybe not with those words, but according to Mike he was good enough to go to work. If he took it easy. So Harvey agreed that he could come. However he came to regret that decision deeply because of what happened one the third day Mike was back at work. He should have just left him at home.

Anything would have been better than bringing Mike to work that day.

– SUITS –

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that it wasn't too boring. It felt a bit slow while I wrote it, not much happens in it, but it felt like it was needed to deal with the time after what happened in the end of the chapter before this one. I have actually already written the next chapter which is a bit different from the others. I just felt like doing something new. It's pretty terrible though. I will post it soon! I love your reviews! Thank you for them :)