These characters are obviously not mine. I'm just borrowing them for a few moments. :Thinks of all the fun I could have if I had them, wicked grin: Too bad. --;

Please be nice, I did this in like an hour while I was trying to do an english paper.

Entry Three: Drinking ...

:groan:

I got drunk last night... very drunk. Please someone stop me before I do that again.

I don't remember too much of last night after we got the call saying everything was tied up, which led to him having the brilliant idea to drink THAT much alcohol. Brief moments flash through my mind as though pieces of a movie watched a long while ago.

We had decided to try out this new place that intrigued him recently... I can't even remember the name. I don't think it was really a bar or a club as he said it was supposed to be. It was more like getting drunk in your own house rather then in a bar, being in a little closed off room like that. I thought the whole point of going to either of those was to be social. Although granted, I don't know much about the whole scene. It's more of an excuse to be near him when not working. Anyway... back to the point; I'm not sure that I liked the place all that much. But I did get to spend time alone with him; always a plus.

We got settled in, like we always do after a long case. Just letting go. Which usually means me sitting there letting his comforting babble wash over me and occasionally adding noises of assent or denial as needed.

Then we were about to call it a night as I got THE CALL. The point that sparked this whole ... adventure for lack of a better term. Everything's a wrap, and we were free to do as we pleased. I was loathe to leave if I didn't have to, and it seemed he felt the same. For a while we sat there, just continuing on as we were. Some time later I had closed my eyes for a second and stretched out, trying to actually let myself relax into his presence, (something I've been trying to do lately) when I hear him leave and then come over towards the table again.

'Well, it's here and we're here, sooooo... why not!' and a bottle is plunked down in front of me.

All I do is raise an eyebrow, and he gives me this innocent look, that I swear he knows is nearly impossible for me to resist. So I pick up the bottle and we're off...

This is where everything starts to get fuzzy. I vaguely remember bits and pieces; leaning on your shoulder; you trying to get me to join you in singing. And honestly I can't be sure that I didn't... O god. Please tell me I didn't. I hope you don't remember.

I remember talking about things. On both our parts. I got to see that part of you that sometimes peeks out from behind the mask you wear, and will deny vehemently when sober. Though to be honest, it's refreshing. I wouldn't change you for anything, but it's nice to sometimes know you're reachable. That you worry about some of the same things I do...

I definitely let slip more then I should have last night. Talking about fears, and hopes and... yeah. God, I wonder if I said that last night was part of my fear. Wouldn't be that off base. There's a reason I usually stop where I do.

I know I don't handle liquor well. What possessed me to take you up on that... I may never know. I suspect I just wanted to be near you. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid...

There are things that are better left unsaid. And parts of me that should remain hidden away.

Yes, I'm afraid of changing. Of letting my walls drop. Of what will happen when I'm unprotected. Of you getting further inside then you already are. And what will occur afterwards. So yes, I am afraid.

I'm almost afraid to face you after that. Especially since I'm not perfectly clear on what I said. But I'm pretty sure I won't be in a position where you can bring anything up. I know that you won't say anything out of line where it will make me truly uncomfortable. I wonder if you know I've realized that. You always make sure to let me portray myself as I will, though you could say so much to change peoples minds.

Always watching my back. Even now.

The only person I trust to be there.

God how maudlin. It's high time to get up and start the day. It's only... 1330 after all.

:sigh: