Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

34. Chapter 34 - Home again - Good right?

Chapter 34.

When Mike woke up Harvey was still there. He had basically slept the whole night, except being woken up a few times for checkups by his nurse. Harvey had been there the entire time. He had been sleeping on a small cot next to him, but out of the way for the hospital staff. Harvey got more annoyed by the nightly interruptions than Mike.

"Really? Again? What do you possible think has happened during the last three hours since you checked? He has been sleeping the entire time." He had quietly grumbled, but hadn't said anything else after that and let the startled nurse finish her job in peace.

Mike couldn't help but smirk at Harvey when she left. "All right… She is just doing her job. Go back to sleep." Harvey said and pulled his thin blanket over himself and closed his eyes. Mike did the same.

The next morning after breakfast Mike's doctor came by to talk to them about letting Mike go home.

"It will only be on trial Mike, I don't really like all of your results but I understand that you would every much like to go home, and I also think it will do you good. Help you to relax some more. But you are going to rest, no going to work or doing anything that would be challenging for your body. Do you understand?"

Mike did, and they talked a bit more about his treatment and the next few days. It was decided that he would come back in three days and they would do another try with the MRI. Mike was fine with that deal. He was going to be able to go home later that afternoon. Mike felt tiredly excited and couldn't help but smile and thank the doctor.

He felt tired after that so he decided to take a nap while Harvey was texting on his phone. When he woke up again he couldn't help but feel anxious. What if something happened before he was able to leave? What if his heart decided to do something that prevented him to leave? They were going to examine him later, before he left, to make sure it was okay. He wasn't on any IV:s anymore or the nasal cannula. The only thing he was connected to was the heart monitor, which was understandable.

Harvey was still there and was sitting on his chair that he had moved close to the window, he was reading some sort of magazine and hadn't noticed that Mike was awake. He observed him. ´

"Is that a bridal magazine?" He asked, and laughed as Harvey jerked in surprise and dropped the magazine on the floor.

"No, it wasn't." Mike just looked at him.

"I have read all the others by now." Harvey grumbled. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough."

"Yeah, how are you feeling?"

"Okay. I'm good. I can still leave right?" Harvey raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, kid. Unless you are feeling worse?"

"No, I'm not. I'm good, Harvey. I am. I promise."

"Okay, okay. I believe you. It's fine. Besides it's not me you need to convince. I'm with you here, as long as you are cleared."

"I'm just worried that…That what if they won't let me leave Harvey?"

"They will Mike. You are doing pretty okay now, so you can probably leave."

"Yeah…" He leaned back on the bed and let out a sigh, but he still couldn't help but feeling worried. He saw from the corner of his eyes how Harvey picked up the magazine again and continued to read. They didn't talk much until lunch arrived, and Harvey sneaked out to buy something for himself. The nurse stayed with him in the room until Harvey got back, and he had no idea when Harvey had asked her to do that, because he was pretty sure it was Harvey's doing. He felt grateful though. He didn't want to be alone at all. In fact he hadn't wanted Harvey to leave at all, but it wasn't really fair to let Harvey starve. He still felt panic surge within him as he watched Harvey walk out the door. Somehow the thought that Harvey wasn't going to come back entered his mind, or that something bad was going to happen while he was gone. Nothing did though.

He was still tired but refused to fall asleep, he wanted to wait until he knew for sure that he would be able to leave.

"Just go to sleep. You look like a zombie or something." Harvey said from his spot next to Mike.

He was just about to fall asleep when it was a knock on the door. Mike tensed, and Harvey got up from the chair. But it was only Jessica.

Mike had no idea why she was there, and it made him a bit nervous to see her. But she smiled at him and asked how he was doing. She even apologized for what happened to him in the office.

"I'm so sorry for the part I played in you getting shot." She told him, and he assured her that it was fine and that it was nothing. He could see that she didn't believe him at all. They talked for a bit longer and spoke about how good it was that Jack and Jim were captured. Jessica promised that they were going to be punished for what they did.

"I need to talk to you too Harvey." Jessica said. "If you don't mind stepping out with me for a while?"

Mike saw that Harvey's head snapped towards his direction. "Eh…" he said, and Mike knew that he hesitated for his sake. Harvey didn't think Mike could handle it if he left. That was so embarrassing.

"It's fine." He hurriedly said.

"Are you sure?" Harvey asked. "We will be just outside."

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's fine." He insisted. He even rolled his eyes a bit, to point out that he thought Harvey was acting silly by thinking that Mike couldn't be left alone.

"We will be right back." Harvey said and then walked towards the door with Jessica. Mike regretted it all right then. The panic came back again and he cursed himself for being so nonchalant about being fine to be by himself. But his pride stopped him from calling Harvey back right away. It was only going to be a few minutes anyway. He could wait a few minutes. Right?

He tried to distract himself, tried to think about something else. It worked for like a minute. Then he tried to fall asleep. That didn't work at all. He had to force himself to keep his eyes closed, but suddenly felt way too vulnerable. Shit! He wanted Harvey to come back now! He didn't want to be alone. How hard was that for Harvey to get? Why did he leave him by himself? His thoughts were racing around in his head. He felt himself starting to breathe faster. It wasn't fair. Why didn't he come back? Harvey knew Mike wasn't okay with this! Why did he have to leave anyway? Mike really couldn't understand that.

He also couldn't understand himself, his own reactions. What was wrong with him really? His chest started to feel tight. It scared him even more. What if he couldn't leave now? What if he had to stay? What if he was having a heart attack at this second? He took a few deep breaths as he felt tears starting to rise in his eyes. No, he wasn't having a heart attack. He was fine, just fine. Except he didn't want to be here alone anymore. It must have been more than a few minutes now. What if something had happened to Harvey, and he wasn't able to come back? Maybe Jessica had some emergency so that Harvey had to go with her. No, Harvey would come and tell him. Right?

He really hated himself. He was so fucking weak and pathetic. He was crying like a child, humiliating himself, because if Harvey came back he would see and know just how pathetic Mike really was. He couldn't be alone for five minutes without bursting into tears. Harvey would probably hate him too.

He was just laying there crying silently while he waited for what felt like an eternity. He couldn't take his eyes of the door. He tried to be quiet in his misery to be able to hear some indication of that Harvey was coming back.

And then it happened! The door opened and Harvey and Jessica stepped inside again.

"Shit!" Harvey exclaimed when he saw Mike, and he was next to him in a blink and Mike tried to stop. "Hey, hey, it's okay Mike. It's okay now. We are back now. Shit kid." Harvey was trying his best to calm him down. Mike caught a glimpse of Jessica standing behind Harvey. She wore a shocked expression. He just wanted to disappear, to sink through the floor. He was just so embarrassed but had trouble to pull himself together quick enough. He wished she wasn't there. Why did she have to see him like this?

"Mike, hey come on." Harvey was saying. "I know we shouldn't have left you alone. Sorry Mike."

He didn't say anything, just hid his face behind his casted hand and arm. He couldn't deal with himself. He just wanted to pass out, just to not have to deal. He was humiliating himself!

"Can you please talk to me?" Harvey was asking, and Mike just mumbled that he was sorry.

"We'll talk some other time Harvey." Jessica said quietly and he could hear the door open and close.

"It's okay now." Harvey was saying again. He was sitting really close to his bed now and had put a hand on Mike's shoulder. He was conflicted between the feeling that he should shake it off and the feeling of wanting Harvey to never let him go. He decided to do nothing. Harvey was sighing next to him.

"You got to talk to me, or I can't help you Mike." He said. That got Mike to remove his arm to look at his boss.

"I…I…I don't know what to say. I don't know why…why I do…why I do this. I'm sorry Harvey."

He barely knew what he was saying, the words just stumbled out of his mouth, but Harvey nodded and told him that it was okay and that he didn't have to know. He was here now and it was okay, he was saying. That was good. Mike wanted so badly to believe him and managed to force himself to calm down. Thankfully Harvey didn't comment on his pathetic meltdown he had when left alone for like five minutes. Seriously, Mike thought, what was wrong with him? Something truly was wrong in his head that made him behave like this. But he just couldn't stop himself. He just couldn't.

– SUITS –

Mike was allowed to come home today. Harvey both looked forward to it and dreaded it. It would probably be great for Mike to get away from the hospital. The kid was tense, upset and on edge every waken minute as it was now. Harvey couldn't step out of the room without feeling extremely guilty for doing so. Mike looked devastated when he did have to leave to go to the bathroom or something like that. However Mike wouldn't say anything, just looked at him with wide desperate eyes. Harvey hadn't had a minute to himself during the last day.

He could understand though. It was within Mike's right to be upset and freaked out after what happened with Jack. Even though he was caught it was like Mike still was very afraid that something would happen to him at the hospital. He didn't want to be alone. Harvey could understand that, and didn't leave Mike alone anymore after Jessica left. He just couldn't bring himself to do so. It felt like he would be betraying Mike in some way if he did.

Jessica had brought him an update on the situation with the two men that attacked the firm. They were kept in custody, and Harvey requested a meeting with Jack. Jessica promised to set it up. It had to wait a few days though, until Mike was better. Jessica was understanding, she probably felt guilty about how the whole thing turned out, even though Harvey had done his best to convince her not to do so.

Harvey wasn't sure that it was a good idea for Mike to come home. He really looked terrible where he was sitting propped up by pillows, dressed in his own clothes, waiting for the doctor to come one last time before they could leave. However Harvey had decided to back Mike up if the doctor said something about having to stay at the hospital. It did not look like Mike was going to be able to take any type of rejection at the moment in his fragile state.

Luckily they let Mike leave with strict instructions to the both of them that Mike needed to take it easy. His medication was also adjusted and some extra pain medication was added because of his hand. Harvey had almost forgotten about that. It was just so much to deal with that he had forgotten that Mike now supported a gunshot wound. So far Mike hadn't complained about it being painful.

They were in the car now, on their way home. Ray had come to pick them up and Mike seemed to appreciate it as the two of them chatted while Harvey was content with just listening. He admired Ray's way with Mike. They were just talking about normal things, not mentioning anything about hospitals or crazy gun men. At the moment those kinds were kind of stuck in Harvey's brain.

Mike somewhat reluctantly held on to Harvey for support as they made their way to the elevator in Harvey's apartment building.

"You good?" Harvey asked as Mike leaned back against the wall. Harvey was kind of worried that the kids knees would buckle underneath him before they reached the right floor.

"Yeah, I think so." Mike sighed and closed his eyes.

"Are you going to throw up?" Mike glared at him.

"No."

They made it inside without any incidents and Mike made his way to the couch without a word. Harvey could see him laying down on his side facing the room. He had his injured hand flat against the couch and was hugging himself with the other arm. Harvey expected him to try and fall asleep, but he kept his eyes open, blankly staring out into the room. Harvey sighed for himself.

"Hey, I'm going to go and take a shower and freshen up a bit. Can I get you something before I do?"

Mike shook his head. Harvey hesitated for a moment. "Will you be okay, if I..?" he mentioned for the bathroom. Mike wouldn't look at him when he silently nodded.

Harvey did not feel good about himself when he left the room. He should have asked Donna to come with them as well, then Mike wouldn't have to be alone. But this was what he had wanted to come home. However, Mike didn't seem that excited or happy about being here. He appeared to be just as down as he had been at the hospital. Hopefully he would feel better soon. Harvey still hurried to get ready.

Mike was in the exact same position when Harvey returned from his shower and sat down on the other side of the coffee table. Mike just briefly looked at him when he sat down, and didn't acknowledge him in any other way. An awkward silence stretched between them. Harvey decided to do something about that.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Mike just shrugged his shoulders a bit.

"Does it feel good to be home?" Mike nodded. He shifted a bit on the couch but kept his left hand still, so that Harvey noticed. Was he in pain?

"Is your hand bothering you?" he asked and Mike surprised him by nodding.

"Oh, how about we do something about that?"

He got up and went to get Mike stuff that had been dumped in the hall. He found the new prescription for pain killers and brought them back to Mike with a glass of water.

"You should have said something." He said as he watch Mike struggle to drink the offered water after accepting the pills. He obviously didn't want to put any weight on his arm that he would have needed to raise himself from the couch enough to drink comfortable. He still managed though. He gave the glass back to Harvey and laid down comfortable again.

"I didn't want to say anything there. Just in case, you know…"

Harvey did know. "So you opted for suffering in silence instead. That's clever."

Mike just took the insult. "I didn't want to stay there." He said quietly.

"I know Mike. But you are home now, and it is going to be okay. You will feel better soon. Just tell me when you are in pain will you?"

"Okay Harvey. Thanks."

The rest of that day they spent like that. Mike started to feel better after a while when his pain meds kicked in, and Harvey was relieved to see some of the old Mike coming back. At least he was sitting up and talking. He was eating what Harvey put in front of him, and complained of Harvey's choice of a movie.

"Stop quoting everything before they say it!" Harvey wanted to throw a pillow at the kid. "I get it, you have seen it before."

Mike just smirked at him and continued, and Harvey let him. It was good. And it was kind of amazing the way Mike had the entire dialogue memorized.

Without talking about it, Harvey kept Mike company in his bedroom until Mike fell asleep that night. They had been small talking for a while, avoiding to talk about anything that involving cancer, hospitals, guns or even the office. Mike was a bit drugged up after taking his evening dose of meds, it was unusual that he acted like that, but Harvey figured it was because he was taking extra painkillers now. But Mike was relaxed and not that stressed and felt asleep pretty quickly enabling Harvey to head to bed himself.

Harvey himself had trouble falling asleep. He found himself laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't stop thinking about the events of the last week. He was exhausted after it all, but now when he had the chance to relax he couldn't.

He felt like there once again was kind of a tension between him and Mike, like Mike wasn't telling him everything. Before all of this he had really thought that he and Mike had been doing some progress, but he wasn't sure anymore. He knew that Mike really was struggling, and he felt so sorry for the younger man. He couldn't imagine what Mike was going through on the inside, and he just wished that Mike would tell him. But the kid still had some sense of pride which Harvey was kind of reluctant to undermine. Hopefully things would be better with time, and they would be able to forget the whole ordeal with Jack.

– SUITS –

Apparently Harvey was staying home with him now. Mike hadn't questioned it, because he was kind of afraid of the answer. What if Harvey told him that he had to go back to work? He wasn't ready for that yet.

He was home now. It had been what he wanted. He had longed for this so much during his stay at the hospital, he had dreamt about it, he had practically begged Harvey to take him here, but now, now when he was here it still didn't feel right.

He had thought that as soon as he came home to Harvey condo everything would be okay. He would feel better, he would be able to sleep more or at least better. He wouldn't have that many nightmares. And things would be nice. Harvey and him was going to watch movies together, have dinners and just hang around and talk about cases. But it wasn't like that. He didn't feel better and he couldn't understand why. He had gotten what he wanted, he wasn't at the hospital anymore and he should feel better!

He didn't want to do anything. He had no appetite and had to force himself to eat at least some of what Harvey put in front of him. Everything tasted the same, or rather everything was tasteless and kept growing in his mouth.

He didn't feel like watching movies either. They had done it the first night he was home, but he didn't really followed the storyline. His mind kept drifting away, and when he tried to focus on the story he couldn't focus long enough which made him annoyed. However he didn't say anything about it to Harvey, he just pretended to watch.

He absolutely didn't want to talk about Harvey's cases. It just made him feel bad, feel left out and useless. He had no idea about what Harvey was talking about. Before the situation at the office Harvey had started to work on a new case which Mike had no insight in what so ever. He wanted to continue with that now, but from home. Harvey wouldn't let him help either, which made him angry, and then tired when he tried to hide it. He just wanted Harvey to shut up about it, but he couldn't say that, so what he did was that he just didn't answer and Harvey had eventually stopped.

Basically he just felt sad and depressed and like he wanted to cry his eyes out. He didn't do that though. The only thing he wanted was for Harvey to be around. He didn't want to be alone, it just made everything worse. He hadn't told Harvey that, but he seemed to understand, because he kept close to Mike most of the time. The first night Harvey stayed in his room and worked by his desk there until he fell asleep. He hadn't had that many nightmares yet. It was a bit surprising, he had expected more of that.

Mike and Harvey had talked some at the hospital, but they hadn't really talked that much after that. At least not about feelings or anything like that. Not that he was dying to pour out his soul to Harvey, but it felt kind of weird between them sometimes.

He knew that Harvey had told him many times now to tell him if something was wrong but he just couldn't. It felt uncomfortable to just think about it. He should be able to handle things better, he didn't want Harvey to know that he really couldn't.

Donna had stopped by a few times, almost every day. Sometimes she brought dinner with her and they all ate. One day she came earlier than usual, and Harvey told him that he had to leave for a few hours. Mike had wanted to protest, but hadn't. Other than that Harvey had stayed at home with him.

It was like things were on hold now. Like they were just waiting for something to happen. He had to go to the hospital later today. Harvey had promised to come with him. He was going to have another MRI. He kind of nervous but also embarrassed. He really hoped that the hospital staff wouldn't make a bid deal of it that he had freaked out the last time.

It turned out that they didn't, and he was able to handle it much better than before. Harvey managed so that he was able to listen to his own music in the headphones, and the whole thing passed without him freaking out. He felt nervous though, at the hospital, and just wished that they could leave as soon as he stepped inside the building.

"You okay?" Harvey had asked. "If you feel like doing this later, we could come back another day."

Mike had assured him that he was fine. That night he wasn't.

– SUITS –

As Harvey passed the door to Mike's room on his way from the bathroom he heard some muffled sounds coming from inside it. He stopped and carefully stepped closer to the door, and leaned closer to it. Yes, it was definitely Mike, and it sounded that like he was crying. Harvey sighed and hesitated for just a moment before he quietly opened the door. It was dark in the room since no lights were on, the opened door didn't help much. He could distinguish the shape of Mike's body in the bed though, he was curled up in a ball with his back against the door. He had the cover almost over his head. Harvey stepped closer to him, and was able to hear his sobs better. It sounded like he had been going at it for a while now, they sounded tired and dry. Harvey thought back at the evening before, he hadn't noticed that Mike had been upset or any other indication as to why Mike was crying now.

"Mike?" He whispered. "You okay?" Stupid question. Mike didn't move. Harvey sat down on the bed behind him.

"What's wrong Mike?" he asked a bit louder. He put a hand on Mike's back and patted a bit awkwardly.

"Harvey? It that you?" Mike asked.

"Yeah it is Mike. Come on, can you tell me what's wrong?"

It was so strange sitting there next to someone who was crying like this, like Mike was. It wasn't normal. But on the other hand, they weren't in a normal situation. Mike was fighting heart cancer, they had been to the hospital today for the first time after the whole thing with Jack. He did have the right to be upset. And it was Harvey's job to stand by him. The problem was just that sometimes he just didn't know how to that. How to make it better. He would always try though, that was a promise he had given himself and secretly to Mike. He had been successful before.

"I…I didn't know if...I don't know." Mike stuttered out eventually. He didn't make any attempt to stop crying. Harvey leaned over to the side and turned a light on.

"You don't know? Okay…Were you dreaming?"

"Yeah… I don't know. I'm just… sad and I'm scared. Sorry."

"Okay. I see. That doesn't sound good kid."

"I'm sorry." Mike hiccupped.

"Yeah… don't be. You should have come to me."

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay."

"I didn't mean to." Mike mumbled.

"Oh kid…"

They were quiet for a while. Harvey continued sitting next to Mike with his hand on his shoulder. He was thinking that his presence would calm him down, but it didn't seem to work. The kid just continued.

"Mike. Calm down. It's okay now, all right."

"Sorry… I'm trying." He drew a few shaky breaths and Harvey could feel him tense. "I can't, I can't, I can't." He whispered a while later, and his shoulder started to shake again.

"You can go." Mike whispered next. "You don't have to stay. I can't stop. I'm so sorry Harvey." He turned his head into the pillow as he tried to, what Harvey guessed, keep quiet. Harvey sat still on the bed for a while. He was still stroking Mike's back slowly. He felt so bad for him. Mike had realized that he couldn't do what Harvey was asking of him, and now he was giving him permission to leave. That was just sad to Harvey.

"I'm not leaving." He said quietly. "I don't have anywhere else to be right now anyway."

"But I can't stop. I don't know how. Or why. It's…it's okay if you want to go. Don't be mad."

"I'm not. You don't have to stop Mike. I'll stay anyway." Harvey said as he guessed that it made Mike feel more stressed out that he wasn't able to stop when Harvey wanted him to.

The kid didn't stop for twenty more minutes. By that time Harvey was ready to cry a bit himself. Not that he did, but if he would have allowed himself he could have done it.

Sometimes Mike would whisper something out in the room, Harvey didn't know if it was aimed at him or not. He answered him anyway and whispered something back to him.

"I'm scared Harvey." Mike said many times. Nothing Harvey said seemed to have an effect on him. Nothing he said lessened Mike's fear. Harvey didn't even know what he was so scared about. He was pretty sure that Mike didn't either, at least he wouldn't say. But it made Harvey feel angry. He wanted so badly to lessen Mike's fear, but he just couldn't. It was an awful feeling, the feeling of being powerless.

"Don't be scared." He said for the fourth time. It didn't work this time either. Did he really think it would? Mike just laid there, curled up under the covers shaking and crying like a small child. Harvey had a hard time understanding how that much sadness could fit into a person.

Eventually he sat up, he had gotten an idea. He told Mike that he would be right back and went to get his laptop before he returned to the kid. Mike was in the same position. Harvey fired up the laptop and searched for a suitable movie. He found one he knew Mike liked and hit play, then he made himself comfortable next to Mike on the bed, put the laptop between them and put an arm behind Mike's head and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"We are just going to watch the movie now, okay?" And they did. Eventually Mike started to calm down, and Harvey saw that his attention was fixed on the screen. The tension in Mike's shoulders and whole body ebbed away the longer into the movie they got.

"I feel better now." Mike told him half way in.

"That's good." Harvey said. "Now shut up and watch. It's starting to get good."

Mike laughed a little and rested his head more against Harvey's arm. He was asleep ten minutes later. Harvey had succeeded. That was what it felt like. Like he had actually had won. He allowed himself to relax as well. He ended up watching the whole movie like that. It was close to five in the morning when he stumbled down into his own bed. This resulted in Harvey getting about five hours of sleep. Not that that was uncommon, but he felt like he had needed a few hours more.

"Sorry about last night." Mike mumbled at the breakfast table. "I was a bit out of it."

"It's fine. Do you know what it was about? You weren't that clear about that last night."

He watched Mike blush and waited patiently for him to speak.

"I had a nightmare." He said and met Harvey's eyes. Then he drew a deep breath and continued.

"I dreamt about what happened in the office. How he shot me…"

Harvey nodded, but Mike wasn't done.

"But he didn't stop with me, he shot you too. He shot you, and I… I think you died or something because you weren't there after that. I was looking for you, and it was blood everywhere, and I couldn't find you."

He was biting his lip and staring down into the table. "I woke up and for a second I didn't know if it was real or not. I kind of just lost it."

"Yeah, that's understandable kid."

Mike nodded and blew out some air. "Thanks though." He said.

"No problem Mike." That was one hell of a nightmare. Poor kid. He hesitated a bit, not sure if it was a good thing or not to mention this to Mike. But he decide to do it.

"I went to see Jack a few days ago."

"What?" Mike looked up at him with a shocked expression. "You went to see him? Why? What happened?"

"I just needed to give him a piece of my mind. He is in jail Mike. He is going to stay there for a really long time. You don't have to worry about him or anything regarding him anymore."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. It's over."

"When were you going to tell me about that?"

"I just did."

"You didn't think I could handle it did you?"

"I didn't say that."

"You just thought it."

"I didn't see any reason to bring it up at the time."

"Right. Whatever." Mike stood up and left the table and walked over to the couch and plopped down on it. Harvey just rolled his eyes and went to clear the breakfast table, as always he was the one doing that. Mike didn't really do anything around the condo when he thought about it. Sure he was sick and all, but he wasn't bedridden all the time. Although laying down was practically all Mike had been doing the last few days. Harvey hadn't said anything, because Mike had this look on his face. A look that clearly said that he wasn't doing well. Mike probably thought that he didn't notice it, but he did. They way Mike's eyes would follow him around the room, as if he was afraid that Harvey would disappear the moment Mike looked away. Sometimes he had looked close to tears, maybe he was.

Frankly Harvey felt a bit fed up. He wished for a moment that he could have some time alone. He had spent all his waken time with Mike lately. He hadn't had any time for himself, and right now he wished he could have just that. Mike was an adult, he should be able to be by himself, sick or not. What did he really think could happen?

Harvey had left his work in the office the other night so he went to get it, while he was there he decided to just stay there and work. It only took a few minutes until Mike was standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Working. What does it look like?"

"What's with you?" Mike said as he sat down on his bed. "You need any help?"

"No, you get some rest."

"I have already done that. Enough of that I think."

"Yeah, well I have some work to do anyway."

"Okay…"

Harvey got about ten minutes of silence before Mike started it up again. He was apparently bored.

"So you think that you are going to win?"

"Of course I'll win."

"What's your strategy then?"

"To beat the other side."

"Oh, that's very informative Harvey. How?"

"Mike. Go to sleep or something."

"Fine…" Mike muttered. He muttered something else as well, that Harvey pretended that he didn't hear, even though he knew that Mike had wanted him to.

A while later Harvey could hear the faint tunes of Mike's music from his headphones. He glared at Mike and saw that he was curled up on top of his bed with his eyes closed.

He could focus for exactly two minutes before he stared to get annoyed with the music. He had thought he was going to be able to ignore it, but he couldn't. He quietly gathered his things and left the room. Mike didn't seem to notice. However he was wrong, because Mike came after him a few minutes later. He sheepishly sat down on the couch next to Harvey who held back his sigh.

"I thought you were sleeping." He said.

"No, I wasn't."

"Apparently."

Harvey just couldn't understand why he all of a sudden felt so annoyed with the kid. It was just the way he was following him around the apartment and now he was just sitting there, twitching with his leg.

The day passed and it just got worse. He almost snapped at Mike, but managed to stop himself before he did. It was just that Mike wouldn't leave him alone. He tried to imagine himself in Mike's position and tried to remember that the kid didn't liked to be alone. But it was just hard. He just couldn't get what it was that Mike was so afraid of. Nothing bad was going to happen to him in Harvey's condo anyway.

Mike refused to go and take a nap on his bed, even after dinner, which they had unusually early. He was annoying too. Now he was on the couch, tossing and turning as if he tried to find a comfortable position, but couldn't. He wasn't exactly making any noises, but Harvey could see his movements from the corner of his eyes.

"Mike! Come on! You are obviously tired, just go to your room and rest already. Or stay still." Harvey eventually exclaimed. He really couldn't concentrate with the kid there, and he had to go through these files until the next day. He had told him a bunch of times already. Suggested that he go and take a nap, hinted that he looked tired and needed to not be tomorrow if he wanted to go to work with him. He wasn't sure if he was going himself, or if he would let Mike go, but figured it had been a good motivation. But Mike didn't take the hint, or he didn't want to. Either way he just stayed where he was and continued to annoy Harvey.

"Come on Harvey, you have been working all day. You should take a break. Did you know that your ability to concentrate efficiently decreases…"

"No I didn't know that."

"I wasn't even finished."

"I knew that."

"Funny. But you should know that..."

"Mike! I'm trying to get this shit done. Just go would you!" He hadn't really meant to raise his voice like that. He wanted to take it back when he saw Mike's expression. But the kid got up from the couch and just left without a word. He should call him back. He should do something. But he didn't.

– SUITS –

Harvey was an asshole. Why would he say that? Why would he yell?! Mike hadn't done anything. He was just talking, it wasn't fair. Damn! He felt like crap now. And humiliated. Why would Harvey do that? Implying that he couldn't get his shit done with Mike there. He had had the whole day to get it done. What had he been doing the whole day then?

Mike hadn't felt that good when he woke this morning, and he told Harvey that. He told him about his damn nightmare. He thought Harvey would understand. It had been so terrible. He wished he didn't remember the dream and all the feelings it rose in him, but he did. He remembered it like it had actually happened, some parts of it had. And now Harvey wanted nothing to do with him. He just wanted to be around the older man. It wasn't so much to ask for, right? But Harvey didn't want that.

He stopped in the door way to his room, it was kind of dark and cold. And empty. Without thinking anymore about it he left the room and walked over to Harvey's bedroom. He hesitated only for a few seconds before he laid down on the bed. This was the closest to Harvey he could get at the moment. He still felt alone though. God, he really wished he wasn't. If only someone was there. Anyone really. But he had no one now. Suddenly thoughts of his grandmother swam up in his head. He remembered how she used to tell him to come over to her on the bed, and he would sit next to her and hold her hand. He would give anything to do that right now. If only she was alive. Then he could have called her. Just hearing her voice would be fine. But that wasn't happening.

He didn't know how long he was laying there dwelling in memories of his childhood and feeling alone. But then he heard Harvey getting up from the couch and a tiny bit of hope rose within him. Maybe Harvey was done now?

"Mike?" He heard Harvey call out for him and he answered. Harvey surprised face came into view.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he exclaimed, and the hope was gone.

"I was just…" What was he doing really? He just couldn't get any words out but tried again "I wanted to…" Harvey interrupted him.

"I don't want to hear it. Get over to your own bed."

"Fine!" He yelled. And with that Harvey was gone again since he obviously didn't want to deal with Mike at all. Mike stumbled to the office and closed the door behind him. He took hold of a pillow and pushed it against his face. He didn't want to cry. He didn't know if he was going to be able to stop if he started. And he didn't want to experience that. Harvey wouldn't like it either. He was sure of it. If only his grandma was here. Or anyone.

– SUITS –

He should probably go and check on Mike now. He knew that he probably had upset the kid by yelling at him, not once but twice. Mike had been pretty pissed himself. But you never knew now with Mike, for all he knew he could be in his room crying his eyes out. Harvey just didn't get why Mike had gone for his bed, and not his own. Was it because he wanted to hang out with Harvey when he came to go to bed?

Mike was curled up on his bed with his back against the door when Harvey stepped into the room. He didn't react when Harvey walked in.

"You okay Mike?" he asked the standard question just to get the conversation going.

"What do you think?" Mike answered, his voice muffled since he refused to remove the pillow.

"Sorry Mike." Harvey said and watched as Mike shrugged. They needed to talk.

"Hey kid, can you tell me what's up with you?"

Mike didn't look at him, and bit his lips. He shook his head. "I don't want to." He said stubbornly.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong Mike."

"You can't help me anyway!"

"I can try."

"It's nothing."

"Yeah, why don't I believe that?"

Harvey decided to just wait him out and was rewarded after a minute or so of silence as Mike removed the pillow to talk. "I miss my grandma." Mike blurted out still not looking at Harvey as he drew the cover higher up almost so that Harvey couldn't see his face. But he just moved a bit closer, so that he was able to look the kid in the eye. It really felt like he was talking to a kid. A little boy that now covered under the blankets.

"You are right, I can't really help you there." He said as kindly as he could.

"Yeah I told you."

Harvey didn't know what to say now. But he didn't leave. He debated whether he should put his hand out to comfort him somehow. Mike was looking up at him with a sad expression. His eyes were wet.

"Can I call Donna?" He then asked with a shaky voice. Harvey was a bit taken aback at first.

"Eh…of course. Go ahead."

"I want her to come over. Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

Mike hesitated. "But what if… what if she doesn't want to come?"

"Mike, if you ask her, she will come." Harvey reassured him. He fished out his phone from his pocket and handed it to Mike. "Here."

Mike didn't take it. He just stared at it in Harvey's hand. "What is she is busy?"

"It's only one way to find out, right?" He waved the phone towards Mike again.

"Okay…" Mike whispered.

He then slowly took the phone and dialed the number and then pressed the phone hard against his ear. His hand was shaking a bit. Harvey just sat there and watched him. As the signals rang Mike's expression changed from looking a bit hopeful to looking devastated.

"She is not answering!" He looked up at Harvey with tear filled eyes. He then threw the phone on the bed and curled up and buried his head down in the pillow so that Harvey only could see the back of his head. It was like he just gave up.

Harvey watched as his shoulder started to shake, and knew that Mike was crying, even though he didn't emit any sounds. Damnit Donna! He thought. Why didn't she answer? The kid really needed her for some reason, comfort probably. And he didn't want it from Harvey. It was his fault. He had pushed the kid away. What was it really that he had been so annoyed about?

At this point he felt that he wanted to give Mike whatever it was that he wanted, he almost felt prepared to get into a car and head over to Donnas apartment himself. But he couldn't leave the place with Mike like this. What to do? He took the phone from where Mike had tossed it and dialed her number himself, but as he suspected she didn't answer this time either.

"Look Mike, I'm sure she is just in the shower or something. She will call you back any second. Or you'll call her again. It will be okay."

"No, it won't." Mike hiccupped. "She is not going to come. She's not coming."

"We'll try to call her a bit later."

Mike didn't answer, he just fisted the pillow in his hands and pushed it against his face again.

"Hey, why do you want to see her so badly all of a sudden?" Harvey wanted to know.

"I…I just wanted to see her." Mike mumbled from behind the pillow. "She is nice to me."

"What? Unlike me?" Harvey smirked, he wasn't really being serious.

"No, I didn't mean it like that." Mike hurriedly said looking up.

"I know, I was joking. I was a jerk though, earlier." Mike looked at him for a long time, but then decided to not acknowledge the meaning behind Harvey's words.

"It doesn't matter anyway. She won't come."

"Sure she will."

"No she won't."

Mike seemed so convinced. He had stopped crying but tears were running down his face. Harvey secretly dialed Donna's number again, willing her to pick up. However he didn't get a reply.

"She's probably in the shower or something. We'll call her in a little bit again."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does Mike."

Mike didn't say anything else. He just laid there silently looking at nothing. His face was blank. Like he had decided to shut off.

"Anything I can do?" Harvey asked, but Mike just shrugged his shoulders and remained silent. Harvey didn't know what to say. Half an hour later without any change from the both of them the phone rang, the caller ID told him who it was.

"Donna!" He answered.

"Harvey, what's wrong? Five missed calls? Is it Mike?"

"Yeah, but he is okay."

"Why did you call me five times then?"

"Mike wants to see you."

"Oh…"

"If you're not busy."

She seemed to hesitate. "Is he upset?" She asked then. "Did he call once, and you the rest?"

"Well…"

"I'll be there soon." She hang up and he went to tell Mike.

He opened the door for her twenty five minutes later and stepped aside for her to come in. She was wearing a nice black dress and a thick coat.

"Hey, thank you for coming Donna. I'm sorry for dragging you away like that." He said as he took her coat when she handed it to him.

"It's fine, Harvey. This night's performance wasn't the best I have seen. I'm sure I'm not missing anything special. I'm clearly more needed here. You look tired."

"Yeah… well." Harvey sighed. "He is upset for some reason, said he misses his grandma."

"Oh…" Donna disappeared into the condo in search of Mike. He followed her after a moment and could hear her talking quietly to the kid. He stopped in the doorway and saw that Donna was on her way to lay down next to Mike, who had move as much as he could against the wall to make room for her. His tired eyes were following her every move. Donna turned on her side so that she was facing Mike. She reached out and grabbed his good hand.

"I'm here now." She said. Mike just nodded. He had tears in his eyes.

"You came." He whispered. "You came Donna."

"Of course I did."

"Will you stay?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to go."

"I just got here, I won't be leaving any time soon. It's okay now sweetie."

Harvey had to step a bit closer to hear them.

"I didn't know if you would come or not. Thank you."

"There is nothing to thank me for Mike. Of course I came."

Mike pulled a bit at her hand with his.

"Harvey didn't want me around." He was crying now, but trying not to. "He told me to go."

Shit. This was what it was about. He felt bad now. Harvey wanted to just step in and make things right, but he better just leave it to Donna for now. Mike would probably get more stressed if he found out that Harvey was eavesdropping, the kid hadn't noticed him.

Mike had wanted company. He had felt lonely and didn't want to be alone and all Harvey did was tell him to go. So now he felt like he wasn't wanted. No wonder he wanted Donna there so badly, she would never tell him to leave.

Donna glanced at his direction for a second, before focus her attention entirely on Mike.

"He was just stressed out about work Mike, he wants you around."

"No he doesn't. I just bother him. I knew I was, but I didn't want to be alone."

"Shh…It's okay Mike. You are not alone."

Mike didn't answer her right away. He was breathing deeply. "I don't know what to do." he said. "I'm trying to not be…too much. But I just, I just…I don't want to feel bad, and when I'm alone I do."

"Shh… Mike.."

"I don't know what to do. I just thought that maybe you would want to come."

"Of course I wanted to come."

"What were you doing anyway? You didn't answer when I called."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I had it on silent."

"Where were you then?"

"At the theatre."

"What?"

"It's fine Mike."

"No, no, no, no. It's not. It isn't. I'm sorry. I didn't know." Mike's voice broke.

"I wanted to come here Mike."

"No, you didn't. I'm just a mess, and you left the theatre. For nothing! I'm just being pathetic."

"Mike…"

But Donna couldn't get the kid to stop. It was like he wasn't listening to her at all. "No, I shouldn't have made you come. I'm not in pain or anything, I was just selfish."

"Mike, you weren't being selfish."

"Yes, I was. I just demand you here like you are my slave or something, but I didn't mean to do that. You have to believe me!"

"And you have to listen to me!" Donna had had enough and took Mike's face between her hands. "I want to be here for you, more than I want to be anywhere else."

"You are just saying that…"

"Am I ever just saying something?"

Mike swallowed but then shook his head a little. "Really?" He whispered.

"Of course sweetie."

"And you are going to stay? Here?"

"Yes I am."

"I'm tired."

"Then sleep, Mike."

"I'm going to have nightmares." He whispered and drew a shaky breath.

"Then I'll wake you up."

"Okay…"

Harvey didn't hear anything after that. However he couldn't get himself to move away from his spot next to the door.

"You can come in now." Donna said then. Of course she had known that he was there. She hadn't moved from her position laying on her side still holding on to Mike's good hand, the other one laying uselessly between them.

"You told him to go?" Her voice filled with something he hadn't heard before in it. Was it resentment? But he nodded.

"You thought that would be a good idea? In his state?"

"It wasn't a good idea. I hurt him."

"Yes you did. And we will talk about it tomorrow. Now go and get my bag."

Harvey did what she said without a word.

– SUITS –

Thank you for reading! Sorry it took a while between updates this time. But it's summer! You got an extra long chapter though. A bit slow maybe, but Mike really doesn't feel good after what happened. Of course it will effect him. In the next chapter there will be more about the illness. Love your reviews!