Chapter 35.
"Is he still asleep?"
"Would I come out here if he wasn't?"
Donna took a seat in front of Harvey at the breakfast table.
"I guess you wouldn't. Did you share a bed with him?" He smirked a bit. She didn't dignify that with a reply.
"He woke up crying two times." She said quietly looking out the window. "I don't think he knew I was next to him the first time. I woke up from him crying, and I think I scared him when I spoke. He said he had been dreaming."
"Yeah, I think he have frequent nightmares. He doesn't want to talk about them though."
"Do you even ask him?"
"He won't talk to me."
She let out a frustrated sound. "Where do you think he gets that from? Do you talk to him Harvey? Do you tell him what you feel, or do you just yell at him to leave the room when you get frustrated with him?"
There it was. He had been waiting for her to bring yesterday's events up.
"No I didn't." He answered obediently.
"God why do you two have to complicate things all the time? Why can't you just speak to each other like normal people? How hard is that?"
She rolled her eyes at him when he didn't answer right away. "Because you are men, that's why." She sighed.
"We do talk." Harvey tried.
"Yeah, and how did that go?"
"Okay, we didn't talk yesterday but we talked before. I have told him to talk to me."
"Well, he is not in the same position as you, is he? He is depending on you here Harvey. You have to be the one who takes the first step. Mike isn't comfortable enough to do so with you."
"But why not? I keep telling him!"
"How would you feel if you were him? Suddenly have to depend entirely on someone else with practically everything in your life and at the same time trying to not freak out."
Harvey sighed and rubbed his face. "I know." He said. "I just…I'm not used to this."
"And neither is Mike, so the two of you needs to figure it out. And soon, because I don't think Mike can take it that much longer. You know he is breaking apart right?"
"Yeah… I and know I was an ass to him yesterday so you don't need to point that out."
"What were you thinking? You heard him right? He thinks you don't want him around."
"I didn't want him around yesterday. He annoyed the crap out of me. And yes I know that he is feeling like crap and that he just got out of the hospital, but I just couldn't help it Donna. I just needed a moment to myself. He follows me around like a damn puppy."
"Because he doesn't want to be alone. Because he is scared. You know he is scared, right? Because if you have missed that, then I think I…"
"Yes, yes I know that." Harvey put up his hand to stop her. "I know I shouldn't have yelled at him, I just lost it. I'll apologize."
"And you will talk to him."
"And I will talk to him."
"Good." She smiled at him a bit now. "I will come over more, spend time with him if you need a break Harvey."
"Thank you. I think Mike would like that as well."
"Of course he would."
"You want some coffee?"
They had breakfast together after that. They talked some more about Mike, of course. Donna wanted to know how he was dealing with what had happened to him at the office. Harvey told her what he knew and thought. He also told her about his visit to Jack in prison, since he hadn't had the chance to do that yet.
Mike woke up a few hours later and joined them in the living room. He was subdued and just briefly met Harvey's eyes. Donna tilted her head at him and he did his best in trying to convince Mike that everything was good between them after he apologized. It wasn't that hard as he had imagined it. Mike apologized too for being annoying, but Harvey shrugged it off saying it was fine and no, he hadn't been. But at Mike's hesitant look he admitted that he had needed some time for himself.
"We just need to learn how to work things out, okay?"
"Yeah. I guess we do." Mike was blushing a bit. "I just, I don't know why I…" He paused and both Harvey and Donna waited for him to continue. But it seemed like he didn't know what to say so he just shrugged.
"It's not your fault." Donna told him smiling sadly.
Mike nodded. "Thanks guys. It means a lot…all of this." He pointed vaguely around the room.
"Sure." Harvey said. And that was that. Things were alright again. At least for the time being. Harvey was fine with that.
Mike was tired and a bit flushed so Donna ushered him back to bed after he had eaten and swallowed all his pills. She stayed with the kid during the rest of the day giving Harvey the opportunity to head over to the office for a couple of hours as well as go out for a refreshing run.
When he got back home Mike was sleeping again. Donna was reading quietly in the corner of Mike's room, but followed him to the kitchen after making sure Mike was comfortable in his sleep.
"How did it go today?" Harvey asked and listened to how Donna explained how the day had transpired for the two of them. Not much had happened and she left after promising to come back the next evening.
– SUITS –
The next day when Mike woke up he was in pain. That was never a good start of a day. He knew it would only get worse then. And it did. The painkillers didn't really work like they were supposed to and it made him agitated and tired. He had a headache as well. On top of it all his left arm itched underneath the cast. He tried to sleep but had a hard time relaxing. He was just hurting too much. He was just sick of it all. Why couldn't he catch a break like for one day at least? Damn the cancer. He hated it.
Yesterday had been fine. Donna had kept him company and they had had a pretty nice day, playing cards and watching re-runs of stupid reality shows on TV. They had tried to find the most ridiculous and had commented on the behavior of the participants. It had been fun. Donna was at work today which left him and Harvey alone by themselves. Harvey had to work though. Mike wasn't up for that at all. He knew he was being unreasonable but he didn't want Harvey to work. He wanted Harvey to spend time with him! Why the hell was work so important? It felt like a lifetime ago since he felt that it had been. Now he was freaking dying, so it didn't mean as much to him anymore.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"Working." Harvey replied without looking up.
"Yeah, on what?"
"My case." Mike rolled his eyes. Why did Harvey had to be like that?
"Yeah, I got that. What is it about?"
"It's not of your concern Mike. Watch a movie or something?"
Mike huffed and wanted to feel offended. "Why can't you tell me about it? Maybe I can help you, so you will be done faster. You have probably missed something."
Harvey looked a bit annoyed now. "Come on Mike." He sighed and turned back to his work ignoring Mike. Mike however didn't quit, he didn't want to. He felt frustrated, he was in pain and he wanted Harvey to care. He wanted Harvey to ask how he was feeling. He had a feeling he wasn't really going on about it the right way, but he didn't care.
"All you do is work. It's probably just to give some rich people more money anyway. Why do you even care about that at all? It's bullshit!"
"Are you saying that what I do is bullshit?"
"Yes! Come on! You have to agree that most of our cases are bullshit. There are so many other things we could do, but no all we do is…"
"I don't think you should finish that sentence."
"Oh come on Harvey, why not?"
"I don't want to have this conversation with you right now?"
"So you want to have it another time then? Let me know because I…"
"What the hell is going on with you?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know, you are talking shit about work, work that you were happy to do just a few weeks ago. I don't know what you want to get out of this? Frankly you are starting to piss me off."
"Oh really…and things have changed, haven't they."
"Yes they have Mike. I'm aware. You are sick now, I know that you have other priorities then work. But I still have to get this shit done as the same time as I have to look after you."
"What? You are the one that promised that we were in this together. You said that you would help. I didn't ask you too."
"Well, it's not like you have anyone else is there. And you were so…" Harvey stopped himself and drew a deep breath. He clenched his teeth together.
"So what? Just say it! I know you want to! Just say it."
"Mike stop it!"
"I know you don't want to be here. Don't you think I know that? I know I'm just holding you back, keeping you locked up in here. I feel really sorry for you Harvey."
Mike didn't really like the direction this conversation was headed. Harvey seemed to be genuinely pissed at him now, and Mike didn't know how that had happened. He didn't know why he was saying all these things. But it felt good somehow.
"Mike, just stop talking. I think that's for the best."
"Yeah, because you really know what's best for me, do you?"
"I know better than you, yes."
"You don't know shit!"
"I'm staying home with you aren't I? Because I know that you can't handle being alone."
"Shut the hell up!" He was screaming now.
"No Mike. You need to shut up and leave me the hell alone right now. I have work to do, and you obviously have no idea what you are saying right now. Go get yourself together!"
Mike just stared at him in disbelief and made to stand up and walk away. It was so damn annoying that he had to struggle to do it, it was humiliating to not being able to storm off angrily.
"Fine, I'll leave you the hell alone then. Work is the only thing that matters to you anyway! I bet you can't wait until this kills me, so you will get rid of me." It wasn't fair, he knew that, but he wanted Harvey to feel guilty. It didn't work though.
"You know that's not true." Harvey said. "I know what you are trying to do, but I don't care. You can't play me Mike. You are taking advantage of the situation to get what you want. It's not working."
Mike started to walk away from him. He didn't want to hear this, and besides his eyes was starting to water. He didn't want Harvey to see that.
"Yeah, you just walk away! Don't expect any sympathy from me when you are bawling your eyes out in your room again."
Mike slammed the door shut as hard as he could. He wished the door had a lock. Damn it damn it damn it! He had fucked up again. Harvey hated him now. He just stood there leaning against the door. He didn't want to cry at all, but angry tears kept appearing. He really was pathetic. What was he going to do now?
Why did he keep doing this? Why couldn't he have just talked to Harvey? He could have just told him how he felt. Now Harvey had said all these things to him, that Mike wished he never heard. He wouldn't forget them now. Things had been fine the day before and now they weren't anymore.
He didn't know what was going on with him. Why he was acting this way, why he was destroying everything all the time. He laid down on the bed and tried not to cry. It actually worked, and he just laid there and waited with his back against the door. Hopefully Donna would come soon. She had said that she would today. Maybe he could just text her and ask.
She replied that she would be there soon. An hour or so later he could hear her ring the doorbell. It was good that she was here, maybe she could meddle a bit between him and Harvey. They needed that. Mike stood up from the bed and made his way out the door towards the other two. However he stopped out of sight from them as he heard Harvey talking. He must have been asking Donna what she did there so early, because she answered that she had answered Mike's text.
"Yeah, so he whined to you then? And I guess you are here to roam me out again?"
"What are you talking about Harvey? I'm here because I said I would be here today. What's going on? What did you do now?"
"Why do you assume that I did something?"
Donna didn't answer now and he heard Harvey huff. "He thinks that he is getting away with anything just because he is sick. And I'm supposed to just let him?"
"What happened here? I thought you were fine again."
"Yes, we were but that was yesterday until Mike decided to start giving me shit about working."
"Harvey."
"No Donna, I'm sick of it." Mike felt his heart sink down into his stomach. He felt cold. Harvey was sick of him. He didn't want to hear another word. He went back into Harvey's office and shut the door quietly behind him. He then buried himself under a blanket and brought a pillow over his head to cancel out any noise.
He felt numb. Once again he didn't know what he should do, so he did nothing. He just stayed where he was. He wanted it to end. He didn't want to feel like this. He didn't want to be a burden to Harvey. But he was. Harvey thought so. Harvey was sick of him. Harvey didn't want him around. What had changed? Sure he knew he was causing Harvey a lot of disruptions in his life, but he had thought that Harvey was fine with it.
The worst thing was that he really needed Harvey. Because Mike couldn't do this alone. It was too hard. He had thought before, in the beginning of his diagnoses that he would be able to handle it, but now he just couldn't. He wasn't himself anymore, and this new person he had become was all messed up.
There was a soft knock on his door, and it opened. He didn't respond. He couldn't.
"Mike? Are you awake?" It was Donna of course. He didn't move. "I know you are. Is everything okay?"
He didn't answer her, but felt his eyes starting to water. He wanted her to help him, he wanted her to make everything okay again.
"Sweetie?" That word. She was so nice to him all the time. It made him start to cry. Of course he did, it was like it was his solution for everything now a days. He tried to not make any sounds though. But she noticed. Of course she did, because she sat down on his bed and crawled up so that she was close to him. He didn't move as she began to stroke his back, without saying anything else. And Mike didn't stop. He just didn't want her to go and leave him there. He just thought that if he kept it up she wouldn't leave.
He didn't know how much time had passed when she spoke again.
"Mike, honey. Do you want to tell me why you are upset?"
He shook his head.
"Okay." She said quietly, but continued to stroke him. "Are you in pain?" She asked next. He nodded now, because he was. He had been the entire day. "Where?"
"I have a headache." He answered. "And my chest hurts."
"Is it bad?" She asked and he nodded.
"I'll be right back then." And then she was gone. Mike felt an irrational panic surge through him, and he had to bite his tongue to not scream for her to come back. But she did a few moments later.
"Can you sit up for me a bit?" He wasn't even sure that he had the energy for it. He managed to turn on his back and stared up into the ceiling as he drew deep breaths. "You know what, let's just do this, shall we." She pushed the button on the bed and he was lifted up in a sitting position. Donna fluffed the pillows for him and arranged them to be straight behind his head. He still hadn't met her eyes.
"Here." She helped him take a few pills and to drink some orange juice.
"Thank you Donna."
"You are welcome Mike."
They were quiet for a while.
"Did you and Harvey have a fight?" She asked then. And Mike just nodded.
"What should I do?" He asked. "Just tell me what to do. I keep screwing it up."
"Harvey said you yelled at him."
"I did."
Donna was silent.
"I don't know why. It felt good at the moment. I wish I hadn't, now though."
"I'm going to go and get Harvey so we can talk. Okay?"
"Will you be here too?"
"Do you want me to?"
Mike couldn't look at her when he answered her yes. But she came up to him and actually kissed him on the cheek. When he looked up at her in surprise she smiled at him and took the opportunity to wipe his face.
Harvey sat down in front of him and Donna took a seat on the edge of his bed. No one spoke. That was until Donna sighed loudly at them.
"What is the problem for the both of you? Really? Let me just handle this." She shook her head at them.
"Harvey, Mike is sorry and upset for what happened. He was sick and in pain, which is a legitimate reason for saying things that you don't mean. Mike, Harvey is tired and under a lot of stress to finish work for a deadline tomorrow. He is sorry too. He said things he shouldn't as well."
She looked expectantly at them.
"That was a perfectly good start. You continue! Harvey."
"Yes, fine. Thank you Donna. I am sorry Mike. It's just that you were driving me nuts." Harvey was smiling now at him and he didn't know why. That wasn't funny.
"Sorry." He said and looked away. He felt his eyes water again and wished he could disappear.
"Hey. Kid?" Harvey said kindly. "I am sorry. I didn't know you were in pain."
"Like you said, it's not an excuse."
"Well…" Harvey paused. "Does still hurt?"
Mike hesitated but then nodded. It did. It was starting to lessen, but the pressure over his chest was still there. He glanced at Harvey but he was looking out the window. He sighed and Mike waited.
"You know that work isn't all that matters Mike."
"Oh for gods' sakes…" Donna muttered. But Harvey just ignored her after glaring at her a bit.
"I know. I don't know why I said that Harvey."
"It's okay."
It was Mike's turn to hesitate again. What was Harvey doing now? Mike clearly heard him before, and now he was sitting here, lying to his face that it was okay. When the truth was that he really was just sick of Mike.
"I don't want to talk anymore." He said and did his best to look away from them. He suddenly felt vulnerable and wished that he was standing up. He noticed that Harvey and Donna looked at each other.
"Okay, we will let you get some rest then." Donna said and stood up. Shortly after Harvey did the same. "Call if you need anything." He added before he left the room.
Mike was just laying there now. He still didn't know what to do. Harvey was sick of him. He knew that he needed to do something about that. He would have to stop bothering Harvey so much. So what if he felt like crap, he would have to deal with it. He could do that right?
For two days that plan worked to some extent.
Mike felt like shit. This was the worst he had ever felt. Or it probably wasn't, but it was what it felt like. It was his own fault of course. He was doing it again. The whole not talking thing. He knew that. But Harvey had said that he was sick of him, so this was what he was going to do. He mostly stayed in his room in bed. What else should he do? He tried to sleep as much as he could. He didn't have the will or energy to get up. He felt numb. Uneasy. Exhausted. He also didn't want to face Harvey. How had it come to this? It felt like things were just repeating themselves. He wondered if Harvey thought so too. He wondered if Harvey even noticed something.
– SUITS –
Harvey had gone to work for half days two days in a row now. Mike hadn't objected, and Donna stayed with him anyway. However, he knew that something was up with Mike. Again. He was acting strange. He spent a lot of time in his room. He didn't speak much. At Harvey's questions he always answered that he was fine. Harvey came with him to the hospital and it went well. At least Mike didn't freak out or something. But Mike didn't really speak to him anymore. He was never smiling. He didn't watch TV, just silently laid on the couch staring out the window, or fiddled with his phone.
Something that stuck with Harvey was that he found Mike laying on his bed and staring at a framed photo on the nightstand. Mike was looking at it so intently that we didn't notice that Harvey were observing him. Later when he came to check on the kid Mike was asleep, and Harvey took the opportunity to see what photograph Mike had been looking at. It was on of Mike and his grandmother. It was heartbreaking actually. Harvey knew then that he had to do something.
He confronted Mike the next day. He had decided beforehand that he was going to go to the bottom of this before things spiraled out of hand. However it didn't really work. Mike was deflecting and kept insisting that he was fine. Even though he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Harvey just didn't have the heart to push him further. He would have to try something else. He talked to Donna about it as well, and she kept telling him to talk to Mike.
"Something is obviously wrong Harvey."
"Yes I know that Donna. I just don't know what changed for him to act like this."
"You have to talk to him, I have said that before."
"Yes, you have and I have talked to him. I honestly don't get him. We have been through this a bunch of time now, but it's like he doesn't trust me at all. I think he only comes when he is truly desperate."
"But he can't possibly be fine now. Everything that happened here at the office is still fresh for him."
"I know that." Harvey sighed. "I'll try again with him."
"How are you feeling by the way? To be back here?" Donna asked.
"It's fine Donna."
She looked like she didn't believe him, but let it go. Truth was that Harvey hadn't even passed the conference room where everything took place. He had chosen another path when he had business nearby that room. Not that he ever would confess that to anyone. He preferred to just leave it behind him at the moment. He had more pressing matters to attend to. Like the reason of Mike's latest behavior.
Before Mike would seek out his company, not wanting to be alone. Harvey couldn't understand the sudden change. However Mike seemed to be miserable and on edge. Last night he had been close to a breakdown because Harvey had been insisting on him to eat everything on his plate. Harvey had been the one to stand down. You had to pick your fights, and that one he let Mike have. No, he would have to try something else.
Mike was laying on his bed when Harvey got home, staring up into the ceiling with a blank expression. He just nodded a bit when Harvey greeted him and then went back to ceiling-staring. Harvey changed clothes and then popped his head into the doorway to Mike's room.
"Do you want to come and, hang out in the living room? Watch a movie maybe?" He asked. Mike looked at him for a long time, but nodded.
Harvey went to sit on the couch and waited for Mike. It took a couple of minutes before he emerged and slowly made his way to the couch and sat down next to Harvey. He looked terrible.
"You doing okay there, Mike?"
Mike didn't reply with words, just shrugged his shoulders a bit.
"Did you take your meds?"
A nod.
"What do you want to watch?"
Another shrug.
"No preferences?"
A head shake and Harvey had to force his frustration away.
"Fine. I'll pick. But don't you complain later. You missed your change."
They had been watching in silence for about twenty minutes before Harvey decided to make his move. Mike was focused on the screen, but it looked like his mind where somewhere else.
"Do you want to lay down? You don't look so well kid." Mike didn't look at him, just shook his head once. Harvey kind of wanted to yell at him and ask what the hell was with him, but didn't.
"It's okay Mike." Harvey paused the movie and arranged a pillow over his lap. He was doing this. "Just lay down will you." He patted the pillow a bit. Mike met his eyes for a few seconds, and Harvey realized it was the first time in days. He looked worried but Harvey nodded against the pillow in his lap.
"Okay." Mike whispered then, his lower lip twitching. He then carefully sank down on the edge of the pillow that rested against Harvey's leg. Harvey arranged a blanket over him and started the movie again. He could feel just how tense Mike was.
"It's fine." Harvey told him, and put his hand on Mike's shoulder and started to stroke it. Mike's body was twitching ever so slightly underneath his hand. It took Harvey almost a minute to realize that Mike was in fact crying. He was still quiet and tense. Harvey couldn't help but sigh.
"Will you just tell me what's wrong? Why are you acting like this? I thought we were past this."
Mike was quiet for so long that Harvey didn't think that Mike was going to respond. But then he did.
"It's nothing." Was all he said feeding Harvey's frustration.
"We have talked about this time and time again, last time was just a few days ago Mike. I know something is up and I'm getting frustrated. I know you are hurting, can you for god sakes just tell me what it is."
"I don't know what it is that you want from me Harvey. I thought that you would be happy."
"Happy about what? What is it that I possible could be happy about in this situation?"
"If I stayed out of your way!"
"What makes you think that all of a sudden?" Harvey had no idea what Mike was talking about or where this was coming from.
"You said that you were sick of me." Mike said then. "I was just trying to make it easier on you."
"What? When did I ever said that? I never said that."
"Yes you did. I heard you complaining about me to Donna."
Harvey paused. Then it hit him. Shit, he hadn't known that Mike had heard that. No wonder the kid had avoided him, he knew that Mike had some sort of problem with these kind of things. He was hesitant to ask for Harvey's help and had been the entire time. Something with pride, or not wanting to be a bother. But Mike couldn't handle this alone and really needed the help. Harvey had thought that they had made some progress, but he had apparently been wrong. He had unknowingly screwed it up.
"I didn't say that Mike. Or I might have done that, but I didn't mean it like you think I meant it."
"Then what? Because I don't know." Mike said, still in the same position as before, facing the TV. At least he wasn't crying anymore.
"I'm not sick of you." Harvey said forcefully. "I guess I'm just sick of the situation, seeing you like this."
"I can't help it!" Mike exclaimed.
"I know, I know that. And that's what I'm sick of kid." Harvey kindly told him. "Seeing you feeling like this. I just want you to get better."
"Yeah?"
"Of course, you idiot. You need to stop reading in to things so much, and start trusting that I'm right here."
Mike didn't say anything, but Harvey noticed that his body wasn't as tense anymore.
"I might get frustrated sometimes, but I still got your back. Do you get that?"
"Yes, Harvey." Mike breathed. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine. I'm sorry you heard me say that."
"Yeah. I wish I hadn't."
"So, can we be done with all of this now? Can you just talk to me?"
"I think so."
"No, you need to know so."
"It's just hard sometimes."
"I get that things are hard, but I'm here to help you make them easier, okay?"
"Okay." Mike had his eyes closed now. "Thank you." He said after a moment, then he fell asleep. Harvey's heart felt a bit lighter after that.
– SUITS –
Mike woke up from Harvey twisting below him. He was actually sleeping at Harvey's lap! That was a first. A whole new experience, a nice one. He felt better now. Harvey wasn't sick of him after all, how could he be if he asked Mike to lay down in his lap? He wasn't. Mike had been stupid. He should have just confronted Harvey from the beginning. It would have spared him a few miserable days. He had been too much of a coward to do that though. He had been stupid thinking that he could just brave it out as well, truth was that he needed Harvey. He needed him a lot.
Harvey offered to stay in his room until he fell asleep that night and Mike accepted it. But Harvey didn't let him go to sleep without another serious talk.
"I know when there is something you are not telling me, you know. You have such a bad poker face." Harvey was saying and Mike protested.
"I'm serious though, I know when something is wrong. I just wished you would talk to me then."
"If you know, why don't you ask?!" Mike felt himself getting upset. But Harvey surprised him.
"I don't know Mike." He said honestly. "I'm not saying it's all on you. But we both need to make a greater effort."
"Yeah, okay."
"We have been having this problem for a while now. You know it and I know it. I think it time we stop."
Harvey saying it out loud was pretty great and Mike agreed with him. When they got quiet for a while Mike spoke up.
"I'm not really in a good head space at the moment Harvey." He said meeting Harvey's eyes. The other man just watched him and waited for him to continue. "I mostly feel like shit, and I don't know how to deal with that."
Harvey nodded thoughtfully. "I'm sorry to hear that Mike." He said. "It will be better though. I'm sure it's just temporary. A lot of shitty things has happened recently after all. When things cool down you will feel better."
It was Mike's turn to nod now. He just hoped that Harvey was right. He was just so tired of it all. He let out a deep sigh.
"So does this mean that we are good?"
"Yeah I think it does. You want to sleep now or what?"
Mike just rolled his eyes at him, and laid down. Harvey didn't move from his spot on the office chair. For the first time in a few days now he actually felt okay, if not good. He was just laying there looking at Harvey who sat there next to him. Mike knew that he wasn't going to go anywhere until he fell asleep. That felt good, he felt safe. When he met Harvey's eyes the other man smiled a little at him.
He fell asleep sometime after that, and slept the whole night without any interruptions. Harvey woke him up the next day complaining that he slept way too long, and that he suspected that Mike was using his cancer as a way of getting to sleep in. Mike just asked if breakfast was ready and Harvey just rolled his eyes and left the room.
The next two following days were great actually. At least they didn't suck, and he felt pretty okay. He only had one hospital appointment and Harvey went with him. He didn't get any treatment, but did a bunch of test and drew blood. He also got to speak to Dr. Lundin, and got his medication a bit adjusted. It was suggested that Mike would speak to a therapist, but he declined. At least for the moment.
Harvey had stayed home with him all these days. It was pretty amazing. He had a hard time believing it, even though it wasn't really fair to Harvey to doubt him. Not anymore. If anything Harvey's actions really proved that he was on Mike's side, and that he had his back in all of this. Mike was just so grateful, he almost got tears in his eyes when he thought about it, because his emotions really couldn't be trusted at all.
Two good days was all he got. At least it was something, but he guessed that he shouldn't be surprised. After all he had heart cancer, you don't get that many good days with heart cancer.
The third day he started the morning by feeling a bit off. He was unusually tired and felt sweaty and a little dizzy. It didn't get better when he sat up, no surprise there. He managed to get out into the living room without any problems though. Harvey was already there and nodded at him. Mike had a toast and his pills neatly lined up on the counter.
"Donna is going to come over today, I have to head into the office." Harvey announced as a way of greeting him.
"Yeah, okay."
"Are you good with that?"
"Yes, I am. It's fine, you can go." It was fine, as long as he didn't have to be alone there, and Donna would be nice company. She arrived about thirty minutes later. Mike listened as she and Harvey spoke for some time before his boss left.
Donna insisted that they would play some card games, and he agreed, it wasn't like he had much choice anyway. The two of them had a nice day. After lunch Mike started to feel worse though. It felt like he had a fever, so Donna put him on the couch under a blanket. He slept about three hours. Harvey came a while later and Donna left. Mike slept some more. He didn't feel good. Dizzy and uncomfortably warm, even though it didn't feel like he had a fever. He told Harvey that, and was told he should just rest.
He went to sleep again. However he woke up just a few minutes later, he knew because he had looked at his phone before he fell asleep. As soon as he woke up he knew that something was wrong with him. It was serious. He needed the bathroom, he needed to cool down and also take some pills. His chest was hurting like crazy. He wasn't even sure that he would be able to walk there by himself.
"Harvey?" He called out. Everything felt kind of fuzzy. What was going on? This couldn't be right. He needed to find Harvey.
Slowly he sat up in bed and pushed the cover aside. His chest felt tight with the pain. It was a new kind of pain that he hadn't felt before. He needed to do something about it. He managed to get on his feet and stumbled out into the living room. It was empty.
"Harvey?" He called again. Where was he? This was something Mike needed to tell him about. He was supporting himself against the wall with his good hand as he looked around the room for Harvey. He wasn't there! What the hell?
It was painful to draw breaths, or to move his chest at all, but he needed to breath. He put his casted hand against his chest in an attempt to relieve some of the pain, but it didn't do much. Oh god, he needed to take something. This needed to go away now. He made it to the bathroom as fast as he could, his legs where shaking in a weird way but he still made it. He had to lean against the door when he got there though, he really was in trouble. What was happening to him? He could barely think. He moaned in pain as he tried to heave himself away from the door. He vaguely realized that he wasn't going to make it over to his pill bottle. He could see it as a blurry with thing by the sink. He didn't really know how he ended up on the floor, suddenly he was just laying there with his face now throbbing face pressed against the floor. Then he blacked out.
– SUITS –
They didn't have anything for breakfast for tomorrow. That was a problem that he needed to fix. Harvey had planned on buy something before he got home, but it had somehow slipped his mind.
"Mike?" He called out to see if the kid would answer. Nothing. Harvey made his way over to his room and pushed the door wider open and peaked inside. Mike was outstretched on his back below his cover sleeping soundly. Surely he would be fine for the twenty minutes it would take Harvey to run down to the closets grocery store and come back. He still wrote the kid a note, that said where he was and for Mike to call him when he woke up. It would be the first time he left Mike alone since that day at the office.
He returned half an hour later with a loaf of bread and some juice and yoghurt. As he locked the door behind him he paused. Harvey didn't know how he knew it, but he just had a feeling that he couldn't really explain that something was wrong. Really wrong.
Mike. Where was he? He called out for the kid but of didn't get a response. He found himself almost running towards Mike's room. He threw the door open and stepped inside and was met with…nothing. Mike wasn't there. Harvey's heart was hammering in his chest because where the hell was he? When he left earlier Mike had been there and he had been fine, sleeping but fine. Now he wasn't in his bed!
Of course something would happen during the half hour he was gone. What was that about? He dialed Mike's number and jerked in surprise as the device sounded right next to him on the night stand where he had left it on the note to Mike. This was bad, this was so bad. He had to find him. Maybe the bathroom!
He hurried over and notice that he door was closed and the sight that met him when he opened it was terrifying. Mike was laying in a heap on the floor in front of the toilet. Harvey was next to him and turned him on his back in what felt like one a second.
Mike was barely breathing! Shit, shit, shit! Harvey franticly felt around in his pockets until he found his phone and dialed 911 with shaking hands. He tried to get some reaction from Mike as he waited for someone to pick up, but didn't get one.
"Mike, come one, wake up kid!" He shook him with what probably was too much force but he just wanted Mike to wake the hell up and not look like this anymore, almost lifeless. His face was all grey except for a small tendril of blood that had been running down from his mouth. The breaths he drew was quiet and raspy like something in Mike's throat was obstructing the air to come out right. Harvey maneuvered him into a rescue position as someone finally picked up. He practically yelled in the phone and told them that he needed help five minutes ago. He was told to remain calm and monitor Mike's breathing until help arrived in a few minutes.
It was a long few minutes and Harvey couldn't help feeling utterly alone where he sat on the floor next to Mike. His mind was almost blank. He wouldn't let himself think too much about what was happening. Then the paramedics were there then and Harvey reluctantly left Mike and practically ran to let them in. Things happened quickly after that. Mike was off the floor and safely strapped down on a gurney in the ambulance in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Harvey found himself sitting at the back of the ambulance watching as the paramedic who remained in the back worked on Mike with urgency as the other drove with the sirens blazing. Harvey had had to yell at them to be able to come, and probably they just thoughts that it was faster to let him come. Now they ignored him which was fine by him. Mike hasn't woken up so Harvey settled with just silently watching. They arrived a moment later and people were waiting for them, they crowded Mike so that Harvey couldn't see him anymore.
"What's going on? How is he?" He asked.
"You can't be here right now, you need to step aside." A firm nurse told him and put a hand on his chest to prevent him from stepping closer to Mike. Harvey did not let her.
"No, just tell me what's going on with him. Tell me now!" He demanded.
"Sir I'm not telling you again. We are trying to help your friend right now. Please let us do so."
Mike was being wheeled away by now, the nurse was still standing in his way. He just wanted to go after, but he had heard what the nurse had told him.
"He doesn't like to be alone. I need to be there." He tried.
Her hand then moved to rest on the side of his arm. "He won't be alone, he has a lot of people who is taking care of him right now. You will get to see him as soon as possible. But for now you need to wait."
Harvey accepted that. So wait he did. It wasn't much else he could do. After some consideration he placed a call to Donna.
"Oh no. Mike…" She said. "I'll be there soon Harvey. Don't worry, he will be fine."
He didn't have the energy or the will to say anything against that. He was scared for Mike. The way he had looked has scared him. What if it was it this time? No, he couldn't think like that. Donna was right, Mike would be fine. This was just on other thing that they had to go through.
Donna arrived half an hour later and they wanted two hours more before they got any news about Mike. By then Harvey was exhausted. He just closed his eyes in relief when they told them that Mike was doing okay for now. They didn't know why he hand collapsed and been unresponsive, but as it was now they had him on multiple drugs and assured Harvey and Donna that he was resting comfortably and that he was closely monitored. They got to sit with him after that. The room Mike was in was quiet except for the sounds of the machines that was connected to Mike. Harvey didn't say anything just sat down on a chair again to wait. He figured that's he had gotten pretty good at waiting by now.
Donna stroke Mike's cheek as she sat down on his other side.
"Oh my god. He is so cold." She whispered and Harvey saw how tears gathered in her eyes. "I'm getting him another blanket." She stood up and left leaving Harvey alone with Mike.
"See what you did now kid. You made Donna upset." He quietly told Mike. He got no reaction.
Mike didn't wake up until seven hours later. Donna had long left but Harvey refused even though Mike's nurse assured him they would take care of him as soon as he woke. But Harvey couldn't do that to Mike, so he waited. He caught a few restless minutes at the time of sleep making his neck stiff from his position, but somehow he wasn't asleep when Mike woke. He didn't make any sounds when he woke it was just his eyelids that fluttered before he slowly opened his eyes half way.
"Hi Mike... Good to see you awake." Harvey said and watched as Mike struggled to keep his eyes open. He manages and his eyes wandered to his right towards Harvey.
"Yeah, that's right. You keep them open. Do you have any idea how long I have waited for you to wake up?"
Mike didn't reply, just kept trying to focus his eyes on Harvey. Harvey pursed his lips and patted Mike a bit on his shoulder. "You are going to be fine." And then Mike's eyes closed again.
He wasn't much better the next time he woke. His eyes didn't open more than halfway and Harvey wasn't sure Mike knew that he was there so he spoke to him to let him know he was. Mike seemed to lay there and listen and as time passed he became a bit more coherent.
Harvey asked him carefully what had happened, but didn't except Mike to reply and was surprised when he did.
"It was hurting…" He whispered so quietly that Harvey leaned forward to hear him.
"I cou…I couldn't…" He paused for such a long time that Harvey thought he wasn't going to continue, but he did. "I couldn't find…you. Sorry." He whispered.
"No Mike, no. I'm sorry too. I…you were sleeping when I left. I thought you would stay that way."
"I couldn't find you." Mike slurred again. Getting Harvey to understand that Mike wasn't as coherent as he had thought.
"Yeah, it's okay now though. I found you Mike."
"I looked…I did."
"I know you did."
"I was going to tell you…" He slurred.
"I know, that's good Mike."
"I…I… Where are…we?" Mike continued.
"We are at the hospital." Harvey calmly told him. "Why don't you go back to sleep?"
Mike's eyes fluttered around the room a bit again before he closed them and was asleep yet again.
Poor kid. Mike must have been in a great deal of pain and went to look for Harvey, only to not find him and collapsing in the bathroom. Harvey almost couldn't remember what had been so important so that he had thought that it was a good idea to leave Mike alone in the apartment. Mike had been alone and probably scared again. It had happened the few minutes when Harvey had left Mike alone. It was almost like some cruel joke that was being played on them. Shit.
– SUITS –
Sorry for the long wait. This chapter is kind of slow and I got a bit stuck with it, but I'm thinking about speeding it up a bit now. Hopefully I'll put the next chapter up quicker. Thank you for reading and reviewing!