Darkness. Then, a sudden pinpoint of light emerged from the darkness and gradually spread to overcome the darkness. There was complete silence as the dark made way for light.
"What the hell is this? Fucking Genesis?" Roger squinted in the bright light. Not that there was much to see. All around him was pure white light and nothing else. His plaid pants and green sweater seemed out of place, somehow clashing with his colorless surroundings. "Ok, this is a dream. You're gonna wake up with Mark in the next room and Benny banging on the door for rent." He pinched himself. Hard.
"OW!" Roger scowled ferociously as nothing happened. "Stupid asshole of a dream."
-
Mark bumped into him in the hallway. "Oh hey." Roger broke his staring contest with the drinking fountain and looked his friend over. "Mark, you look like shit. What happened?" The younger boy scuffed at the floor with the tip of his sneaker nervously. "Nothing."
"Don't give me that bullshit. Who beat you up this time?" When no answer came, Roger sighed and took a long drag on his cigarette. "Was it that Keyes kid again?" An imperceptible nod. Flicking the ash from his cigarette, Roger offered it to Mark, who frowned. "You could get in trouble for that." Roger smirked and blew some smoke out into the air. "That's why I don't get caught." Relenting, Mark shrugged and reached for the cigarette.
Roger watched him and couldn't help giving a slight chuckle. Mark paused with the cigarette held halfway to his mouth, the smoke blurring his face. "What?"
"I just remembered the first time I offered you a drag. You choked on that thing so bad I thought you had to go to the hospital."
"It was not that bad!" Mark's blue eyes glared at Roger through the thick lenses of his glasses.
"Was too. I remember it like yesterday."
Mark said nothing to counter this; instead he tapped the cigarette against the brick wall and stared into space. Neither of them noticed the kid on the skateboard charging towards them. "Outta my way!" was their only warning and by then, it was almost too late to dodge. Almost, but not quite. With lightning fast reflexes, Mark dove back and to the side, dragging Roger with him. The kid zoomed past them, missing the two boys by inches, without an apology or acknowledgement.
Roger would have yelled "Asshole!" after him, but the word froze in his mouth and slowly melted. Mark was lying underneath him. Lying. Underneath. Him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. was all his brain could think of. I'm lying on top of the boy I've liked since second grade. Oh my god.
-
Roger watched the two teenagers stare at each other for a long time. It was weird, watching himself and little Mark together. He remembered that incident and he was sure Mark did too, though they never spoke of it. This was way before Maureen and April, before the two girls had even come into the picture. Before, when everything was just the two of them together.
Teenage Roger made a movement and started to get up. Big Roger scowled for the second time that day. He knew what was going to happen. Teenage Roger was simply going to get up and walk away and lose his chance. No way, Hosè. Whoever Hosè was.
Big Roger pounded over to the two boys, not questioning how the two could not see him nor how he was able to even go to them, and pushed Teenage Roger back down, one hand on his shoulder, the other on his head. The head went down and two sets of lips met. For a split second, there was sudden panic in Teenage Roger's eyes. Then, the eyes closed and his hand went to Mark's cheek. To his credit, Mark did not pull away. Big Roger swore he saw Mark smile and deepen the kiss.
-
"Wake up. Rog, wake up."
Roger woke to Mark bending over him, shaking his shoulder lightly. He glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was noon already. He was doubly surprised when Mark's lips made contact with his. "Morning babe," came the muffled greeting from the filmmaker. Babe? came the question in Roger's mind, but he ignored it. All he needed to know was that, somehow, Mark loved him and he loved Mark and that was all.
"We have to go meet the guys at Life. We're celebrating Maureen's performance and her engagement," Mark finally got out.
Roger looked blank. "Engagement?" His lover (Beautiful word to use. went Roger's brain.) Mark looked at him strangely. "Remember? Her engagement to Sarah? The girl she met in high school?"
"What about Joanne?"
"Are you sure you're feeling alright, baby? Who's Joanne?"
"Oh, nobody." Roger nearly smacked himself for his forgetfulness. If his dream had come true, then he and Mark had probably dated through high school, which meant Maureen would have probably met other people during high school and there would be no Mark to inadvertently introduce Maureen to Joanne when they were looking for a place to eat, which meant no Joanne. I'm confusing myself.
A wonderful idea suddenly came to him. Since there had been no Mark and Maureen, there had to have been no April and him, which meant no heroin. Was he HIV free then? He checked his belt. Sure enough, no beeper. He felt a surge of happiness wash over him.
"Maureen's going to kill us for being late. Then we can't have fun later. Let's go!" Mark's mischievous eyes indicated what 'fun' he was referring to. As he was pulled out the door, Roger couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Joanne. She had been a valuable member of their group. Had he made the right choice in changing his past after all? He took one look at Mark's smiling face and forgot about Joanne. Everyone was still happy and he had Mark. What other right choice could there have been?