Chapter 44.

He was so incredible exhausted. Being this sick scared him. He had no energy and felt like he was barely aware of what was going on around him.

"You will get better soon." Harvey mumbled in his ear. He was leaning against Harvey's chest. That was nice but also kind of strange that he really was doing that. But he felt comforted by it. Harvey was warm behind him and Mike could feel his chest move as he was breathing. Mike had been sleeping on and off for a while now. He had just woken up and had been sick. Harvey had heaved him upright and held his shoulders.

"Yeah…" Mike whispered as a response to Harvey. He blinked up at him. He didn't know why, but things were a bit blurry and his eyes stung a little.

After sleeping some more he actually felt a bit better. The worst was thankfully over. He were able to get something in his stomach and all the sleeping had worked as well to help him to regain some strength. He got a good night's sleep as well.

The next few days passed slowly but they weren't so bad. Donna came over for a bit. Mike went to the hospital and back home. Nothing special happened thankfully. He had started to like that. He didn't want anything to happen, well except that he wanted to get better of course. Sometimes he just got so tired of being sick all the time. However he was glad to notice that his body started to feel a bit stronger. He was regaining some strength and wasn't as exhausted all the time. Sure he slept a lot and it was absolutely awful after the treatment sessions he had, but he wasn't feeling like absolute shit, which was a good thing.

The only thing with today was that he had a headache. A pretty bad one. It felt like it was starting behind his eyes and then radiating through his entire skull. He groaned to himself and went to push one of the pillows from the couch over his face.

"Don't drool on my pillow." Harvey told him as he passed him on his way to the kitchen.

"Be glad if that's the only thing I'm doing on them." Mike muttered.

"That's really gross Mike." Harvey came closer. "Here." He said and when Mike removed the pillow he had a glass of water and a few pills that he was holding out to Mike. He accepted them.

"Come help me with dinner. I do everything around here." He then said and left.

Mike groaned again and rubbed his eyes but did what the other man said. It was just a headache after all. He was used to being in some kind of pain and headaches were pretty good comparing to other things.

After dinner Mike offered to help Harvey with work since he wanted a distraction. Harvey seemed pleased and gave him some files. They had been working for a while when Harvey started to discuss the case with him. Mike was glad that he was able to follow in the conversation. It was a while ago since they did this. He liked that.

Later that night had Mike blinking against the TV where he was next to Harvey on the couch. What was up with his eyes? He had some kind of strange sensation in them for some reason. They felt a bit dry as well, as if he had kept them open the entire day. He didn't really think that much more about it though, it wasn't like he could do much about it anyway, but he decide to go to a mirror and see if there was something going on with them. It was a while ago since he had really looked himself in a mirror and he did not like what he saw at all.

"Damn it!" He swore when he got a closer look at himself.

"What?" Harvey asked behind him.

"Are you following me into the bathroom?" Mike asked, not looking away from his reflection.

"When you scream like that I do."

"I wasn't screaming." Mike muttered.

"What is it? You shocked yourself?" Harvey smirked. Mike glared at him in the mirror.

"No, I was just wondering where my eyebrows went." He rubbed at the left one but stopped in shock when the remaining few strands of hair followed his finger. "Shit."

"You haven't noticed until now?" Harvey asked.

"I'm not obsessed with my looks like some people."

Harvey rolled his eyes at him but stayed where he was.

"I look like a freak." Mike said quietly. Even his eyelashes where thinning.

"It's not so bad." Harvey said. "Think on the upside of this, you don't have to shave anymore."

"I like shaving." Mike whined.

"Nobody likes shaving. It's just hair, kid."

"I like having hair."

"It'll grow back Mike." Harvey told him calmly. "Forget it, no one cares how you look. Come on, let's finish the movie."

Mike dejectedly followed him back to the living room trying to take Harvey's advice on forgetting it. He cared though, how he looked. But he tried to convince himself that he shouldn't. It wasn't that important. Right?

He rubbed his annoying eyes again. Had forgotten them as soon as he saw himself, but now they reminded him of the discomfort. But he decided to ignore it and also waved it off with Harvey when he a bit later carefully asked if Mike was doing okay. Maybe Harvey thought that he was about to burst into tears from all the rubbing of his eyes that he was doing.

The next day he opted for staying in bed. It was Saturday so Harvey was home with him the entire day. He didn't think Mike's idea was any good and nagged about that he needed to get up. Mike blinked hard a few times before he rolled his eyes at Harvey, but decided to get up. Recently he had been feeling kind of guilty for making Harvey stay home all the time. Not that the older man said something, but it must be so boring staying inside like this. Mike was sleeping a lot too. He was a bit worried that Harvey was getting bored.

Eventually he got out of bed without bothering to change clothes ignoring Harvey's looks. He offered to make lunch for them. Later during the day he noticed that his eyes were starting to bother him again. They almost hurt. He kept rubbing at them unconsciously and even tried to wash them with cold water which didn't really help. Neither did sleeping.

Later that night he noticed that his sight was starting to get a bit blurry. What was up with that? He went to the bathroom and tried to see if this time there was something visible that could be going on with them. It was kind of stupid though since things were blurry and he couldn't see his reflection clearly. He swore pretty loud out to himself. Of course that caused Harvey to come and see what was going on.

"What are you doing?"

"I was just checking something."

"What were you checking in here?" Harvey asked and smirked at him.

"Come on! I was checking my eyes."

"What's with your eyes?"

"That's what I were checking. It's all blurry. Can you check?" He turned to Harvey.

"What are you talking about?" Harvey leaned closer and looked into his eyes. "I can't see anything."

"Wait, something is weird. Look again." Mike stopped him from walking out.

"Fine. Come here." Harvey steered him out in the light to be able to see better. He looked for a while, holding Mike's head tipped upwards. "There is nothing there." He concluded.

"They hurt though."

"How can your eyes hurt?"

"I don't know. They just do." Mike rubbed at them again.

"Don't poke at them. That's not going to make it better."

"You don't know that." Mike muttered but followed Harvey back to the living room. They went to sleep early.

Mike didn't know when he woke up but it must have still been night because he couldn't see a thing. He turned around and went back to sleep again, but then he woke up again and everything was the same. Pitch black. He sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes a bit. Nothing changed and he blinked hard. It was then he realized that something was seriously wrong. It was too black! Panic started to grow inside him at once and the first response he had was to call out for Harvey.

– SUITS –

"Harvey!"

Mike was screaming his name. Harvey jerked a bit where he was. He had just woken up himself and Mike usually woke up after he did.

"What is it now?" Harvey muttered and climbed out of bed. He walked into Mike's room and turned the light on to find him sitting up in his bed widely staring out in the room. He didn't acknowledge Harvey when he stepped inside.

"Hey. What is it?" Harvey asked and watched as Mike flinched at the sound of his voice.

"What…what time is it?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"Seriously, is that what you called me in here for? It's 7:45."

"In the morning?"

"Of course in the morning. What's the matter with you?" Harvey asked and yawned.

"No, no, no it's not! You are lying!" Mike accused and continued to look around the room. Harvey was confused. What was Mike going on about? Why would he ever lie about what time it was, he didn't have a chance to reply though before Mike spoke again.

"Harvey, seriously it's not funny. Turn the lights on!" Mike was saying. His eyes alarmingly wide. Shit. Harvey swallowed.

"Mike. They are on."

"No they aren't!" Mike angrily yelled. "Stop shitting me and just turn them on!"

"Mike, calm the hell down. What are you doing? Tell me what's going on?"

Mike's eyes kept flickering around the room, but now they were starting to water before he rubbed hard at them. He blinked again and took some shaky breaths. "Oh god." He whispered. Something was seriously wrong here.

"Mike, what is it?"

"I can…I can't see Harvey! It's dark. It's all dark. Please tell me you are messing with me. Please just turn the lights on."

Mike was begging him and Harvey stared at him in shock.

"You can't see?" He stepped closer to Mike and waved his hand in front of him. No reaction.

"Why can't I see? Why is this happening? Am I blind?"

"I...I don't know Mike. Was it like this when you woke up?"

"Yeah. I woke but I fell back asleep because it was fucking dark. But it's the same now. What's happening?"

He was breathing hard where he was. He was looking in Harvey's general direction with a pleading expression. Harvey decided to treat this calmly and to examine Mike closer as he sat down next to him on the bed.

"Let me see Mike." He turned Mike's head against him and leaned closer to look. He carefully lifted Mike's eyelid a bit higher with his thumb. Mike flinched but Harvey stopped him from moving away. He couldn't see anything that looked out of the ordinary in Mike's eyes. It was strange to have your own face so close to someone else's without them looking at you. Because Mike was not looking at him.

"What is it? Can you see something?"

"No, Mike it looks normal."

"No, it can't be. It isn't!" Mike squirmed out of Harvey's grip. "This is so wrong!" He exclaimed shakily and rubbed his eyes hard and blinked.

"Yes I agree. Look, I'm just going to go and call the hospital, okay. And we will go there and figure out what's going on." Harvey made to stand up.

"No, where are you going? No, Harvey wait." Mike's hands scrambled to grab hold of Harvey, but he missed and Harvey watched his face convert into an even more panicked expression.

"Where…where are you? Harvey?"

"I'm right here." Harvey took hold of Mike's hand and sat down again. He couldn't leave yet, not with the way Mike grabbed on to him. He was mumbling to himself.

"This can't be happening, it's not happening. It's not. It's not. Oh god." His other hand kept rubbing on his eyes.

"Hey, come on. No freaking out. Mike let's just head to the hospital. It'll be fine." He tried to nestle his hand from Mike's, who held harder. His lips was trembling. Harvey sighed and grabbed Mike's hand with both of his and removed it from its grip.

"It'll be okay. They will fix you. I'll just go and call them and get dressed okay." He let go of Mike and made to head out of the room. The younger man sat as frozen on his bed, it looked like he didn't dare to move, and maybe he didn't. Harvey needed to hurry up.

Just a few minutes later after he was dressed and had informed the hospital about their situation, he was told that they would be expected and some sort of eye doctor was being called. Mike was in the same position that Harvey had left him in. He looked terrified and was breathing rapidly. Harvey couldn't blame him. This on top of everything? It was just crazy! Mike didn't deserve this at all, if anything he deserved some peace and quiet, he deserved a break or better yet some positive news. Now he was blind?

"Mike, I'm back. Let's get you dressed and go." When Mike didn't move he went and found some clothes for him and walked over to him. "You think you can get dressed? I'll help you if you want."

Mike just nodded and started to remove his sweat shirt. It took them a few awkward minutes until Mike was dressed. "Let's go." Harvey kindly told him and stood up. Mike didn't move, but shook his head.

"How? Whe…where am I supposed to…"

"It's fine, I'm right here. Start with putting your feet on the ground."

Mike slowly did what he was told. He didn't stand up though so Harvey took a hold of his hand and dragged him on his feet then put one arm behind his back and a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Slowly now. I'll guide you." He assured Mike.

Mike fumbled with his shoes after Harvey put them in front of him and Harvey ended up helping with that too. Mike swore forcefully as they made their way down in the elevator.

"Where are we?" He kept asking and wanted to know exactly.

"I hate this." He whispered to himself as they had made it into a cab. Mike kept rubbing at his eyes as if he expected it to help. Harvey didn't say anything about it. He was worried himself.

– SUITS –

His whole world was held in darkness. He could hear the sound that the cab made around him, some street noises once in a while and faint sounds from the cabdriver moving in his seat. At least he thought that was what it was. He tried to wait. If he could just wait with the whole freaking out part that felt like it was just resting behind the surface of his being. It would be so easy to just release it all. But if he did he feared that it would be hard to stop it. Also he couldn't freak out in a cab. He had to hold it back until they got to the hospital. They would fix it there, Harvey had said so. He had read somewhere about this kind of thing happening to other cancer patients. They could fix him. They would get his sight back and he would be fine.

It was frightening to have your eyes open to see nothing at all. It was all just black and nothing he did changed that. Mike didn't like the dark! He couldn't understand why this was happening to him. He couldn't help but think that it was like he was being punished or something. All the bad decisions in his life now came down to this. It was just one thing after another now. He didn't know how he was supposed to take it all.

This felt like the worst thing so far. He had thought that many times lately but this was different. He didn't know if he would be able to deal with this! The darkness was so thick, he had never experienced something like this and he hated it. He felt so alone and isolated in it even though he knew that Harvey was sitting right next to him in the car. But he might as well be alone in the whole world. It was what it felt like.

He jerked when the cabdriver suddenly honked the horn.

"Just some idiot that tried to cross the road." Harvey explained. "You good?"

"Sure." Mike lied.

"Okay. " Harvey patted his arm and he jerked again at the sudden contact. "We are almost there."

The rest of the way Harvey spent telling him the street turns they did and what was going on outside of the cab. It helped enormously. He could imagine the streets in his head and did so with closed eyes.

Harvey helped him out when they got there.

"Wait here, I'm just going to pay." Harvey said and left him standing on the sidewalk. It was just a minute but it was terrifying. He was totally lost! He had no idea what to do. Sounds where coming from everywhere and he felt his heart speeding up. Where was Harvey? What the hell would he do if Harvey didn't come back? He didn't dare to move an inch.

"Hey? Take it easy. It's okay." Harvey was there again. Harvey took him by the arm and started to lead him away from the street noises. He did his best with stumbling along. He felt stupid when he almost tripped on something.

"Sorry. Should have warned you." Harvey said when he dragged him upright again. "We are inside now."

"I know." Mike said.

"This way." Harvey pulled him to the left.

Voices and sounds came from everywhere and he tried to distinguish them from each other and decide which to pay attention to. Harvey spoke some to someone and then Harvey told him to sit down so he did.

"I'm next to you." Harvey told him, Mike just nodded. All he had to do was wait. Just wait, that's what he told himself. However he didn't know how much longer he could wait. He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breathes and not to freak out. It kind of felt like he wanted to though. Just scream and be mad. Why was this happening? Why did it all have to happen to him? He couldn't be blind!

He felt as if he really was on the verge of bursting now. How much longer could he hold it inside? His face was burning and he couldn't help but flinch every time someone spoke close to him.

He was scared of moving as well. He had no idea of what was around him, so it felt like he couldn't. He tried his best not to think too much about the fact that he was actually blind right now. If he started to think too much about that and what that could mean he would lose. What if it was permanent?

He had no idea how long they waited. It could have been two minutes just as well as twenty, but then they were taken to another room and he got to sit on an exam table and wait some more. Harvey wasn't beside him anymore. He didn't know where the other man was. Mike might as well be alone in the entire world, it was kind of what it felt like. A dark black world with sounds that melted together into one big mess. He hardly noticed that he was shaking.

– SUITS –

Harvey felt so sorry for Mike. He just wished that he could step up to the kid and somehow reassure him that he was there, because Mike didn't know that. Mike sat upright on the exam table, one hand tightly gripping the hem of the pocket of his pants, the other wrapped across his chest. His eyes were constantly flickering around the room in the general directions of the sounds in there. He was nervously gnawing on his bottom lip that quivered. He really looked like he barely was holding it together. Harvey couldn't blame him.

Mike flinched when a nurse touched his arm without saying anything. He pulled away and let out a gasp.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just going to check your blood pressure."

Mike just nodded and reluctantly let go of his grip of his pants.

"It's a bit high." The nurse announced as she stepped away from him. "Someone will come and see you shortly." Harvey watched as Mike stiffly nodded and pressed his lips tightly together. A moment later his eyes flooded over. He didn't say a word or move as the tears ran down his cheeks as if he wasn't aware of it. Harvey had to act.

"Hey Mike. How are you doing?" He asked and stepped closer. Nobody from the staff reacted so he walked closer to Mike. All Mike did was to jerkily move his head to the side at the sound of his voice.

"Hi Mike. I'm right here." Harvey put his hand on Mike's shoulder to let him know that he was there. Mike flinched again but didn't move away. "You're not doing so well, are you?" Harvey quietly asked, leaving his hand on Mike's shoulder. He got a head shake as reply.

"I thought you left." Mike uttered and a few more tears ran down his cheeks as he blinked. Harvey could feel him shaking under his hand.

"No, of course I didn't. I have been right here the entire time."

"How am I supposed to know that?" Mike hissed.

"Yeah, right."

"What is taking so long?"

"We are just waiting for the eye doctor. I'm sure he's on his way." Harvey said reassuringly. Luckily it turned out that he was right, because a new doctor stepped into the room just five minutes later. It was a short balding man with glasses and a mustache. It looked like his coat was too big for him.

"Hallo there. What do we have here?" He asked. Mike didn't answer since he didn't know that he was being spoken to. After some introductions and some questions between the doctors there, the man turned his attention fully towards Mike. He mentioned for Harvey to step aside. He squeezed Mike's shoulder and moved to the side. Mike looked crushed at the loss of contact and reached out towards Harvey, only to ram his hand into the doctor's side. He jerked his hand back again and bit his lips.

"Your friend just stepped a little to the left of you. He is still right next to you."

"Yes. I am." Harvey said. "Here." He leaned forward and nudged Mike's arm.

"I'm Doctor Blom, Mike. It's nice to meet you. What do you say we try and figure out what's wrong with yours eyes now, huh?"

"Okay."

"I'm going to talk you through everything we are doing today, and your friend is going to be here the entire time."

Harvey felt grateful towards this's man because Mike started to relax a bit more after that. The doctor took a cloth and started by gently wipe Mike's eyes free from tears before he started his examination. True to his word the doctor did explain everything he did and what he thought it could depend on.

"I have seen this in cancer patients before, Mike. Most common is that it is a cause of side effects from your drugs and treatment. But I can assure you that this is most likely not permanent."

"What? Most likely?" Mike exclaimed and Harvey didn't find it that reassuring either.

"Mike you are a very sick individual, and your body has a lot to focus on, and your eyes might not be a priority."

"Then you make it a priority! I need to see now! You have to fix it!"

"Unfortunately I think that is going to take some time Mike. I cannot just give you a pill and your sight will return right away, but I can give you some pills that will help."

"How long?"

"It's hard to tell…"

"How long?" Harvey asked as well, dreading the answer.

"Like I said that is hard to tell, but it might be a few days or a couple of weeks before gradual sight returns."

"Weeks?" Mike's eyes were tearing up again. "Weeks, I can't do weeks. You have to fix it now."

"I can't do that Mike. I'm sorry."

"But you have to! I can't do this! I can't be blind for weeks. It's your job to fix it!"

"Mike I know how tough this must be…"

"You don't know shit! Don't touch me!" Mike jerked away from the man's comforting touch. Angry tears were streaming down his face and he was panting. "Fuck." He muttered and forcefully wiped his eyes.

"Mike, we will do our best for you but it is up to your body how fast it will react to the medication you will be given."

"So I'm screwed, is that what you are saying? I have to be blind for weeks and you won't do shit?!"

"That was not what I was saying."

"What were you saying then?" Harvey stepped in with the question. He didn't like what he was hearing at all and could understand if Mike was angry.

"That it will take the time it takes and that there is not so much else we can do but wait for the medication to take effect. We will draw some blood and preform a few other test, but I'm not sure there is anything else we can do at this point but wait."

"Well that's not good enough." Harvey said when Mike was quiet.

"I don't know what else to tell you. I am sorry. I'll give you a moment before the rest of the test."

He nodded at Harvey and mentioned for Mike before leaving the room, so that they were alone. Harvey sadly pursed his lips.

"Harvey? Are you there?"

"Yeah I am."

"Where?" Mike demanded to know.

"Here." Harvey patted his shoulder. "I'm so sorry Mike."

Mike drew a few shaky breaths and nodded. Harvey waited to see how he would react.

"Where are you?" Mike just asked again and his hand felt around for Harvey. Harvey sat down next to him on the table then and put his arm around Mike's back. Mike awkwardly fumbled around him, and then flung his arms around Harvey in a hug. A little surprised Harvey hugged him back, feeling how Mike trembled in his arms. The kid clung to him desperately, his fingers digging into Harvey's back.

"I don't want to be blind." He muttered against Harvey shoulder. "I…I can't."

"I know Mike. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But it will be fine. You heard them. It's just temporary."

"Yes most likely!"

"It will be."

"But it's for so long."

"You can do it." He hugged Mike a bit tighter ignoring the nurse who just stepped into the room. "I'll help you."

He let go of Mike but kept his hands on his shoulders and looked into Mike's unseeing eyes.

"But Harvey…" Mike whispered and bit his lip. "I don't like when it's dark. And…and it's really dark right now."

Harvey closed his own eyes from a moment and then just drew Mike close to him again. Mike didn't hug him back this time just leaned heavily against him with closed eyes.

"I don't know what to say Mike other than that I believe you can make it through this as well. Just tell me when it's rough and I will do all I can to help you, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you." Mike sighed.

"Sure."

Mike seemed to be satisfied with that because he started to relax more. They stayed for a few more hours during which Mike went through some tests. They were told that they could head home and for Mike to rest his eyes as much as he could. He was also subscribed some eye drops that would help. Maybe.

When they got back home after a silent cab ride Harvey led Mike to the couch and had him to sit down. He made lunch while keeping an eye on the kid. He then changed his mind and made Mike sit down on the kitchen island instead so that yet could talk easier. Mike just did what he asked without a word. He moved stiffly around with his arms outstretched in front of him. He reached on of the chairs and stubbed his toe on its leg. He swore loudly.

"I feel so stupid like this." He exclaimed as he carefully felt around for the seat of the chair and sat down on it grabbing the table in front of him.

"You are not stupid." Harvey said.

Mike didn't answer. He just bowed his head down towards the table. "I hate this." He said. Harvey nodded before he remembered. "Yes." He said.

"What do you think about getting Donna over here? She could join us for lunch."

"Okay."

"I'll just go and call her. I left my phone in my jacket. I'll be right back."

Harvey was a coward. He had his phone in his jeans pocket, but Mike didn't know that. He just needed a minute. He went into the bathroom where he was sure Mike couldn't hear him and dialed. She answered on the second ring and he greeted her. She wasn't fooled though.

"What's wrong?" Was the first thing she said.

"I need you to come over Donna."

"Harvey, you sound strange, what happened? Is Mike okay? Are you at the hospital?"

"No, he okay, or he is not okay, but we are home."

"I'm on my way, but what is it?"

"Mike can't see."

"What?"

"He woke up blind this morning. We spend the whole day up until now at the hospital."

"Oh my god." She breathed. "How can he be blind? What happened? Is it permanent?"

Harvey wasn't surprised hearing her questions. "They think it's side effects, and no it won't be permanent. But he is taking it hard. I think he would like it if you came."

"I'm already out the door. Don't worry Harvey, I'll be right there."

After they hang up Harvey leaned against the door for a moment trying to collect himself. Mike really needed him right now. He had seen it at the hospital. The way Mike had whispered that he didn't like the dark really stuck with him, because it was nothing he could do to help Mike with that.

Mike was in exactly the same position when he got back out. He didn't even move when Harvey walked over to him.

"She will be here soon." He said. "Then we will get something to eat. You'll feel better." He hoped it was true.

– SUITS –

Mike found himself holding on to the table unable to let it go. He felt like if he did he would lose the little stability that he had. Then it would be like he was just floating in darkness, but if he just held on he would at least know where he was.

He knew that Harvey was trying to comfort him, but it didn't help. He didn't care that Harvey said that this was just temporary because right now it felt like every minute was an eternity. But as long as he could hold on to the table with his eyes closed not that much could happen. If he just kept them close he could pretend that everything was fine. It kept his panic at bay. At least for now. He almost felt dizzy where he sat. He didn't know how that was possible. Harvey had offered him some pills, but right now he didn't want to let go of the table and declined. He said he wanted to wait for Donna. He wanted to see her now. Or not see her he reminded himself. He couldn't see her. Oh god, he was freaking himself out just by thinking. Thankfully the doorbell rang just minutes later and Mike could hear her in the hallway.

"Mike!" She exclaimed and he heard her walking closer to him. "Oh sweetie I'm so sorry." He tried to not flinch when she touch his arm but she removed her hand anyway and apologized.

"Thanks for coming." He said to stop her.

"Of course I came."

They were going to eat after that. It smelled kind of nice, but Mike wasn't hungry. He didn't want to eat. What if he missed his mouth? He would make a fool of himself. And also he didn't want to let go. He had his eyes opened now, it felt kind of rude to have them closed, weirdly enough.

"The plate is in front of you Mike." Harvey said. "Eh…I cut if for you too. The fork is here." Harvey nudged at this hand with the fork and Mike ignored it.

"Okay." He said.

"You should try and eat some of it." Harvey continued. "Remember we didn't have any breakfast this morning."

"Yeah, sorry."

"You know what I meant. You have to eat."

Mike reached hesitantly reached for the fork and then felt around for the plate. He didn't even know what kind of food it was in front of him. He tried to stab at the plate but missed.

"What is it even?" He asked.

"Chicken and rice." Donna said. "You need help?"

Mike shook his head, he had no desire of being fed. He tried again and managed to scoop some rise into his mouth. After a few more tries he got some chicken as well. "There is a glass in front of you." Harvey let him know.

He carefully felt around for the glass and found it. Donna carefully asked about the hospital visit and Harvey explained with my adding things here and there.

Getting some food into him helped some with his anxiety but he still felt awful. He couldn't help but feel stupid while he was eating. It felt like the others were staring at him. He felt exposed. He tried to act normal, to breathe normally. He wanted to drink again and reached for the glass but it wasn't where he thought he left it. He swept with his hand and of course tipped the glass over.

"Shit!" Harvey exclaimed and rose from his chair and Mike heard him backing away as Mike tried to right the glass and stop the liquid from spreading. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't... sorry."

"It's okay Mike."

But it wasn't, he wanted to leave. He was leaving! He went to push himself away from the table, but his hands missed the edge of the table and instead found the plate that he pushed away. It made a clinking sound and he didn't know what happened. He jumped down from the chair walked into it, tipped it over, felt like screaming, backed away and didn't know where he was. Both Harvey and Donna were calling for him but he didn't know where they were either.

"I don't know where I am!" He exclaimed and span around on the floor, his arm stretched out in front of him desperate to find some sort of feature in the apartment to let him know where he was. "I don't know!" He yelled, wishing they would just help him!

"Mike, it's okay." Harvey's voice penetrated his panic.

"No it's not!"

Harvey grabbed for him and he almost jerked away. But then let Harvey led him to the left and pushed him down on what was the couch. Mike was breathing hard.

"Relax. You're fine."

Mike didn't answer, instead he leaned forward with his head in his hands. He was shuddering and felt Harvey putting a hand on his back. They sat like that for some time. Mike felt the couch dip down on the other side of him as Donna sat down.

"I don't know if I can do this." He whispered.

"I get that Mike." Harvey said. "I get that it feels like you can't. But I also know that you can. You never give up, that's not who you are. All this time that I have known you, you have never given up on anything. You don't know how to, that's why I know you are going to get through all of this as well."

"Thank you." Mike said after a moment. "It's just that I feel like I'm going to lose my mind sometimes, especially with this."

"So? Then you do that, and then you get back to fighting."

"It's not that easy Harvey."

"Well, that's why I am here."

"And me." Donna added.

"Okay."

Mike turned towards Harvey and held out his hand. "Where are you?"

Harvey took his hand. "Here." Mike shook it and thanked him again, before falling back towards the backrest of the couch, finding Donnas hand as well. "Do you guys want to watch TV?" Mike then asked closing his eyes.

"Heh. Sure. What do you want to listen to?" Harvey asked.

"You decide."

He listened as Harvey went through the channels until he found a movie Mike had already seen, claimed he hadn't seen it himself and settled on that one. That way Mike could watch the movie in his head as he heard the lines. Laying there on the couch between Harvey and Donna with her hand in his was kind of comforting. Maybe he could do this after all.

– SUITS –

"Is he sleeping?" Harvey whispered.

Donna nodded. She still had Mike's hand in hers. He was leaning against her and she had her arm around his body.

"You want a drink?" Harvey mentioned for the kitchen. He could really use one himself. She hesitated.

"I don't want to wake him up." She whispered.

"I'll help you." Harvey carefully lifted Mike a bit by holding his shoulder and head so that Donna could slip out from behind him. They found themselves watching Mike for a moment. Harvey laid an arm around her. "Come on." He went to the kitchen while Donna covered Mike with a blanket and carefully adjusted his hat.

They sat down so that the both of them could see Mike.

"When will he catch a break?" Donna asked.

"I don't know." Harvey sighed and told her a bit more about what happened at the hospital, what Mike had said. "He is scared Donna."

"Of course he is." She was biting her lip, her eyes shiny. "Oh god Harvey, he is so sick."

"Yeah..."

"What do we do?"

"I thought you knew everything." Harvey said lightly.

"So did I." Donna answered.

"We'll get him through this too. He can do this."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. But I need help. We need help. We can't let him think for a second that he is alone in this. You think we could ask Rachel and Louis to help out? Maybe at the office."

"They will help."

They talked some more about it and made up a plan for the next few days. Harvey decided that he wouldn't go to work for at least a week if Mike stayed blind. He was going to be there. But he couldn't be at Mike at all times, so Donna would be over as much as she could.

They also decided to rearranged some of the furniture in Harvey's apartment, not that he had so much stuff, but for a blind person even with Mike's mind there were a few things to bump into.

Harvey decided to take a shower after that, while Donna watched over Mike.

He almost felt guilty for leaving the room. What if Mike would wake up and need him? Sure Donna was there, but that wasn't the same neither for Mike nor Harvey. He wanted to be there for Mike. He wanted to help him. Needed to help him. He had a feeling they were heading into a few difficult weeks now. He could hardly imagine how this must feel for Mike. How scared he must be. He knew Mike was scared of dying, but this, being blind made his illness even worse, more real. This was a side effect that was so much more noticeable.

How could anyone be this unlucky? Harvey mused as he stepped into the shower. Mike not only had cancer in his heart, now he had lost all his hair and gone blind as well. He shuddered under the warm water as he closed his eyes and imagined how it must be for Mike. A world held in total darkness and nothing to do about it. He also wasn't sure how he would be able to help Mike through this. Eating hadn't really been working out that well. He cursed himself when he realized that Mike only had had a few bites of his food before knocking over a glass getting most of the content on Harvey's pants. He couldn't understand how both he and Donna had forgotten about that. Mike had a protein shake at the hospital between tests, but that was all the kid had been eating during the entire day and now it was late afternoon. He would have to force something into Mike as soon as he woke up again.

– SUITS –

This chapter is a bit different. Next one will be about the same, just a bit worse for poor Mike. I might put it out in the next few days, since I originally was thinking that it would only be one chapter, but it got too long. I hope you like it! Tell me what you think. Thank you for reading!