Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

49. Chapter 49 - My best friend

Chapter 49.

Harvey and Donna sat down at the kitchen island with a cup of tea each. Harvey didn't even react on the fact that he made them both tea instead of coffee. Since Mike couldn't have that now he was rarely having any himself. It didn't feel good to drink coffee when the other man was there, and tea wasn't so bad. Although, at this moment something stronger would have been nice.

Donna's hands were shaking just a tiny bit and she was clasping her cup hard, making her knuckles turn white. Harvey felt pretty shaky himself. He shouldn't have left for so long. Of course something would happen with Mike during those few days that he was gone. The kid really was unlucky sometimes. He also felt guilty about the fact that Donna had been left to deal with Mike on her own, not that she complained. She was capable to handle just about anything, but the guilt was still there. Mike was his responsibility.

However when he tried to apologize to Donna she dismissed him before he had time to finish the sentence. She said that she could handle it, it just upset her to see Mike like that. They talked some more before Harvey decided to take a quick shower while Donna made sure Mike was still okay and sleeping. She also found something for the two of them to eat. After they had finished their meal Donna was hesitant to leave but Harvey convinced her. She needed to rest.

"How about you Harvey? It wasn't like you were on vacation."

"I'll be fine. Maybe you could stop by tomorrow?" Harvey asked her.

"So you are staying home with him? That's good."

"It's not like I have a choice. He is in no shape of being left alone. He's probably not going to be able to get rid of this fever in the next few days."

"Yes, you should keep a close eye on him in case he gets worse. This can't be good for his heart."

Harvey agreed. "I have had thoughts on the same line."

"Keep me posted. If you need me, I can come right back." She carried their plates to the sink. She started to gather her things.

"Donna, before you go, I wanted to ask you something?"

"Sure, Harvey." She turned against him, her bag in one hand.

"Was he really okay with me gone? He sounded okay most of the time when we spoke on the phone, but I'm not sure how much of it that was an act."

Donna studied him for a moment. "He was getting by. But sure, some of it was probably an act. I know that he for some reason prefers you in front of me." She smiled a little and paused. "He worries about you too though Harvey, he really does."

Harvey didn't know what to answer to that so he just nodded. Of course he should know that Mike would worry about him, it was in the kids' nature, but it still warmed him to think about it. Mike that had so much on his mind now, still had room there to worry about him.

"He shouldn't do that." He eventually said.

Donna just raised her eyebrows a little and stroke his arm a little. After promising to stop by the next day she left.

Harvey walked over to Mike's bedroom and stood in the doorway. Mike was the same as before. The cover had slid down from him and only covered parts of his chest. He was on his back with his face tilted a bit to the side. Even in the dim light from the lamp in the corner of the office he could see sweat cover Mike's forehead, and his shirt stuck to his skin by his neck. This man in front of Harvey was just a shell of the young man Harvey first had met at that hotel when Mike had been carrying around a briefcase of weed and brought secrecy and excitement into Harvey's life. They still carried the secret of Mike's lack of a degree with them. Their relationship had evolved since that day and Harvey couldn't help but smile to himself. He just wished with all of his heart that Mike one day could be the same energetic, brilliant kid that he had been those first few months. Or years even. Sometimes now he could see a glance of that guy in Mike, he was still there but buried deep underneath all the hardship that this illness brought. Harvey decided that he would do his best to also remind Mike of that, that he was still Mike and that Harvey appreciated him no matter what. Because he really did. Sure, they did not have many good days now, but there were a few moments now and again, and Mike needed to keep fighting for those and so much more. Harvey needed to help him with that. He wasn't sure how but they could figure it out. One day at the time.

Suddenly he felt a bit stupid standing there like that just watching Mike sleep. He was hesitant to go to bed though, even if he felt dead tired. Because what if Mike woke up? But he should probably take some pills and drink something too. Should Harvey wake him up? Had the kid eaten anything today? He was pretty sure Donna had told him about that but now he couldn't remember. And how was Mike's heart doing with all of this?

It turned out that he didn't have to make the decision on whether to wake Mike up or not since Mike made it for him. He suddenly jerked on the bed and hastily made an attempt to sit up. Harvey hadn't been prepared at all and stumbled back a few steps in surprise.

Mike failed at sitting up, but flailed with his arms until he got the rest of the cover off of him.

"Harvey?" He panted as he blinked rapidly. He made another attempt at getting up. Harvey sat down next to him on the edge of the bed to stop him+.

"Yeah, hi."

"You are here?" Mike stared at him in disbelief.

"Yeah, I kind of live here." Harvey forced himself to smile at him, in hopes of calming the kid down. He looked close to tears and Harvey almost desperately wanted to spare him from breaking down.

"You weren't coming back." Mike sniffled suddenly and hid his face in his hand for a moment before he looked up at Harvey again.

"What are you talking about? Of course I was." Harvey said.

"No you said you wouldn't come again. You said you were leaving. I don't know why?!"

Mike was getting worked up and Harvey needed to stop it from happening, he had already abandoned the idea about getting Mike to eat something. The most important thing right now was to get Mike to not look like that, so scared and devastated.

"No, I never said that Mike, I wouldn't say something like that to you. Were you maybe dreaming?" Harvey tried.

Mike looked at him with wide eyes. He looked hesitant now.

"I...I don't know." He said.

"I think you were kid." Harvey said gently. "I have never told you something like that."

Mike wouldn't look at him now. His gaze wandered around the room and his hand traveled up his body to settle over his heart.

"I'm here Mike. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere." Harvey told him.

"Yeah?" Mike whispered still with that uncertain look on his face, although a bit calmer.

"Yes. I promise. You are okay. Try and go back to sleep Mike. I think you will feel better tomorrow."

Mike swallowed and nodded a little. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow." Harvey put a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Just try and relax." He kept his hand there until Mike's eyes closed again and his breaths became deeper.

When Harvey realized that Mike in fact was asleep he allowed himself to relax. He felt the guilt rush over him then. Mike must have dreamt that Harvey was away, and that meant that Harvey being away had affected him more than he had let on, just as both him and Donna had suspected. He thought about how terrible Mike must have felt waking up thinking that Harvey had said that he would never return again. But it had been just a dream. He would prove that to Mike.

He felt tired after days of intense working, little sleep and now worry. He felt a little weak and shaky and had a headache coming on. He needed to sleep. He longed for his bed, but were hesitant. He glanced at the chair in the corner. His back would not thank him for a night in that thing. He turned the baby monitor on and made sure to raise the volume and put it closer to Mike. He went to his bed room and checked the sound quality. This would work. He was pretty sure he would wake up if Mike did. He fell asleep in just a few minutes.

"Har-Harvey!"

He opened his eyes and sat up before he even realized what he was doing. That was Mike. He was screaming. Mike was screaming his name! Harvey rushed out of bed so quickly that he almost got tangled into his own sheets and fell, but he got on his feet and practically ran towards Mike.

"Harvey!" Mike's hoarse voice rang out again before Harvey got to him.

Mike was sitting up in bed facing the door. His whole body was trembling and he was breathing way too fast for Harvey's liking. His hands were gripping tight onto the covers.

"Hi Mike, hi. It's okay."

There were tears streaming down the younger man's cheeks and Harvey's heart sank a little. He came over and put a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Harvey…" Mike whimpered. "I was…you…where…" he wasn't making much sense, probably not even knowing himself what to say. He let out a sob. "Harvey…" he said again.

"Yeah, it's okay now. Don't be upset. Everything is fine. You don't have to worry about anything."

"I was…" Mike was mumbling something else that Harvey couldn't hear. He wouldn't stop crying. Harvey moved a bit closer to him and patted his back a bit. Mike was incredibly warm to touch and his shirt clang to his back.

"I'm here Mike. It's fine now." Harvey kept repeating, hoping Mike would calm down enough to hear him, to be able to listen.

"You weren't here." Mike said then and Harvey felt himself stiffen a bit.

"I am now." He said after swallowing. His voice sounded shaky and he repeated himself. "I'm here Mike."

"You can't le-leave. You ca-can't." Mike stuttered.

"Okay, I won't"

"You… you weren't here Harvey! I was…" he shook his head. "I wanted you to come back." Mike turned his head now and his eyes met Harvey's. Harvey didn't know what else to do but to nod.

"I know Mike. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't here." He didn't look away from Mike. He was pretty sure Mike was too out of it at this point to remember any of this later on, but that didn't matter. All he wanted to do was to get that haunted look away from Mike's face.

"I thought…I wanted you to come."

"I know." Was Mike getting a little more coherent? His trembling had lessen some but his breathing was the same making it hard for him to talk. Then Mike asked something that had crossed Harvey's mind a million times already, whether he had wanted it to or not, because it was a real possibility. It was just that they never had mentioned it before.

"What if… what if I die and you're not here? What if I do?"

"Mike…" Harvey felt that nothing he could say would help much.

"Please Harvey, please you can't leave again. Please, please don't do that."

"That's not going to happen Mike. I won't."

"Give me your word. You have to promise."

"I do."

"I just don't want to die alone." Mike sobbed. His hand gripped Harvey's shirt.

"I give you my word Mike, that won't happen. I won't leave again. I'll stay here with you. Okay? How does that sound? I'll stay. I'm staying."

Harvey carefully removed Mike's hand from his shirt and pulled the shaking body against him. Mike cried against him then, almost immediately Harvey could feel wetness on his shoulder as tears soaked the fabric of his shirt. He stroked the kid's back. He was so warm. That couldn't be good. Maybe he should take Mike to the hospital. Was this dangerous?

Mike just needed to calm down before they could do anything else. Mike clang weakly to him, seeking comfort. He was mumbling something, but the sound was too muffled by Harvey's shoulder for him to make it out what it was. He just shushed him and repeated the same things over and over as he forced his voice to sound calm. The tried do drown out the sounds Mike was making with constants it's okay and I'm here.

Mike was sagging against him now, too drained to keep himself up. He was relaying on Harvey to keep him locked against him and Harvey was doing that. He wasn't going to let Mike go. He felt so incredibly guilty at the moment. He knew he shouldn't but couldn't help doing it. Mike didn't want him to leave because he was afraid of dying alone. Harvey couldn't imagine that fear, how it must eat at the kid. Harvey had known about it, he had, but he had basically ignored it. Sure, nothing had happened while he was away, except for Mike having this fear he just expressed. That was more than enough. Then and there Harvey promised himself that he wouldn't go anywhere until Mike was better. Because he was going to be. Better.

Mike was still crying silently. Harvey could feel it, the way his body twitched. However he was much calmer now. He kept mumble things though. Harvey could make out some of it once in a while.

"I don't feel good. I think I'm sick." Mike whispered and Harvey found himself smiling a bit.

"I think you are right." He said. "We should try and do something about that." He decided. He found the button to rise the bed and did so. He lowered Mike down towards the pillows and put a hand on his wet face.

"I'll be right back." He said sternly and waited until Mike were able to meet his eyes and nod a little. He looked terrified but Harvey left anyway. He gathered painkillers, a glass of water and a wet towel and a couple of dry ones and went back. He thought of getting Mike into some other clothes but abandoned that idea pretty quickly. He settled for wiping Mike's face and his neck with one of the towels and then dried him with another. Mike was just laying there letting him do it.

Harvey kept talking calmly to the kid, trying to get Mike to respond. He managed to get him to take a few pills against the fever. Hopefully they would help.

"You won't leave right?" Mike quietly asked when he understood that Harvey was done with his ministrations. "Please stay here."

Harvey wanted to hug him again, but he just wiped the new tears away with his thumb.

"I'm staying." He just said. He then laid down beside Mike, a bit higher than him so that Mike was able to lean against his chest. He pulled the cover over the kid and put his arm around him. "I'm right here. It's okay Mike. Don't worry. I'll keep watch." He said.

He thought that Mike had fallen asleep, but he hadn't. "Thank you." He murmured against Harvey. "Thank you Harvey."

Harvey didn't know what to answer, so he said nothing, just squeezed Mike a little towards him. He blinked furiously to get rid of his own tears. After a minute or two he was successful in forcing them back. By then Mike was asleep.

-SUITS-

Mike blinked his eyes opened. They felt incredibly dry and almost hurt a little. He brought a hand up and rubbed at them a bit. That was better.

Morning light was streaming into the room from behind the blinds, but he had no idea what time it was. He felt a little too warm and a bit dizzy. Something was pressed against his right arm. He turned his head to the side and found that it was Harvey!

What was he doing here? In Mike's bed, sleeping next to him. He blinked a few times and tried to think. What had caused Harvey to share a bed with him? Dread started to fill him as glimpses of last night flashed before him. Oh no. What had he done? What had he said? Had he really begged Harvey not to let him die alone? Was that a real memory? He wasn't sure, but he hoped with all of his being.

He remembered fear too. Waking up to paralyzing fear and just the need to scream for help. Judging by the fact that Harvey was sleeping next to him he had done just that. And Harvey had come. Of course he had. He could remember arms around him, his face pressed against something warm and solid, him gripping textile, pulling it against him. Just a feeling of wanting to melt together with Harvey's comforting embrace. Because it had felt like he had been getting help. He had felt comforted. He had felt better.

At the same time as it was horrifying to remember what he had done and how he had behaved he also felt unbelievably grateful towards the older man next to him. He had shown up when he had needed him the most. He didn't want to remember something about him crying his eyes out and begging Harvey to stay with him. No, he didn't want to. He hadn't done that he decided. He did his best to try and distract himself from that nagging memory of himself as a pathetic mess. He tried to tell himself that he had been feeling really crappy and probably had a fever, but it was hard to not feel embarrassment.

Harvey was sleeping soundly next to him. He looked older than he was in this light. His hair was messy and he was in need of a shave. As Mike watched him he felt how his eyes grew heavy. He didn't notice when he fell asleep again.

"…Mike? Can you wake up?" Someone was shaking his shoulder. He tried to move away. He wanted them to stop. He blinked up at Harvey. His eyes were still dry and he had a headache now. He moved his head a bit to the side in search of a cool patch.

"You awake?" Harvey asked. He was smirking. He looked like a different person. He was actually clean shaven and his hair was still a bit damp from the shower. He looked tired though.

"You should take this and drink something." Harvey told him. Mike groaned and did what he was told.

"Are you feeling better?" Harvey asked after Mike had forced himself to drink a little tea and eat a toast. He mostly did it to make Harvey happy. He had looked happy when Mike took the last bite.

"A little. Sorry about last night." It was reflex. He had to say it, but Harvey just brushed it off.

"You scared the crap out of me." He said honestly and Mike didn't know what else to say than apologizing again.

"I'll try and not to do it again."

Harvey laughed at him then. For so long that Mike had to smile a little himself.

"Do you have a fever too? Or have you gone crazy?" He asked.

"I don't know." Harvey breathed.

Harvey made Mike move over after that so that Harvey had room to sit next to him. He had his laptop with him.

"What is this Game of thrones-stuff?" He asked. Mike stared at him.

They watched four episodes before Mike fell asleep.

When he woke up again Donna was in the room as well. She smiled at him when she saw that Mike was awake and come over and kissed his cheek.

"I'm so glad you are doing better." Mike got worried that she was going to cry, but she didn't. Instead she showed her a clip on her phone of Louis doing ballet moves in his office. She wouldn't reveal her source. Mike suspected Rachel had filmed it for his benefit, to cheer him up. It worked and he laughed as Louis spun around on the spot, before stopping, looking around him before adjusting his suit jacket and sitting down on his desk again.

Mike had a great day. It was so weird. From being so sick the day before to actually enjoying himself the next. Harvey and Donna joked around with each other, made him drink a lot, complained when he wouldn't eat up all of his food.

He had a hospital visit scheduled for that day, but Harvey called and asked if they had to come in or not. They said that they could postpone it a day since he still had a fever. That was good news. He was too drained to get dressed and take a cab to the hospital.

They did go the next day though. It didn't go all that well. Harvey went with him of course and he was more worried than Mike was. His values weren't good at all. They almost kept him at the hospital but he insisted that he was fine. They didn't believe him at all, he could see it in their eyes. That look worried him more than anything else. It didn't mean that they didn't believe him, it meant that they knew that he wasn't fine. And maybe he should have stayed there.

Later that night when they were back home again Harvey came to Mike's room and wanted to talk. Mike wasn't really up for that but still nodded. Harvey wanted to talk about when he was away and had Mike really been okay with it, because if not Harvey said that was sorry. Mike felt himself blush and tried to convince Harvey that it had been fine. He just had a fever that night, he had been messed up. Harvey gave him a look but let it go.

Mike's fever didn't ease up. It lowered some but he still felt dizzy and too warm and had no appetite. What he wanted to do most was to lay on the couch among pillows and blankets and just sleep or watch TV. Harvey joined him most of the time. Mike rarely saw him work during those two days that followed. Not much happened during those days. It did on the day after though.

Something felt wrong but Mike didn't know what it was. He could feel the fever that was still there but this was something else. It made him worried. He was on his usual spot on the couch. Getting there during the morning had been unusually difficult. He had almost thought that he wasn't going to make it. He managed but it left him breathless.

"Harvey?" He watched as the other man quickly turned towards him from his spot by the kitchen island.

"What?" he called.

Mike didn't really know what to say. "Eh… I feel weird." He said eventually.

Harvey came over to him. "What do you mean weird?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know." Mike said weakly. He didn't know how to explain and didn't have the energy to come up with something. "Just weird."

Harvey pursed his lips and nodded.

"Are you in pain?" he asked as he studied Mike, who shook his head.

"Okay." Harvey sat down on the table. "Give me your arm." Harvey took his wrist and felt his pulse. He shrugged after a while. "Just try and rest. Donna will be here soon. Let me know if you feel…weirder."

Mike just nodded and tried to relax to get rid of the tight feeling over his chest. Maybe he was just stressed or worried. Harvey moved from the kitchen and sat down in a chair across from him with some papers in his lap. He smiled when Mike looked at him and Mike weakly smiled back.

Donna arrived a bit later with lunch for the three of them. Mike refused to eat though. He just shook his head and told them he would eat later. He couldn't do that right now. He didn't want to move. Something was wrong. He wasn't feeling well. It was too warm here and he felt even dizzier than before. The tightness in his chest had worsened and it was hard to breath now.

All he could think about was that he wasn't getting enough air. He suspected that this was bad news. Slowly fear was creeping up on him adding to the weight on his chest. He should tell Harvey. He couldn't see him, he wasn't on the chair any longer. But Donna had been there right? Where was she? He couldn't move to see where she was, he tried to say something but no words came out. He thought he moaned something though.

Suddenly Donna was talking to him, but he couldn't make out the words she was saying. Mike was silently panicking. Yep, he was freaking out! What was going on with him? It has to be his heard. Oh god, they needed to help him!

Hands were on his face and suddenly he was able to look into Harvey's eyes. Harvey was talking as well, saying his name. He was talking and screaming, touching him and Mike didn't know what to do. He just tried to breath, he wasn't getting enough air. It hurt now too. Everything! He tried to move, tried to get up, he was barely aware of what his body was doing. He just knew he had to fight. However the world was getting blurry. Darker.

-SUITS-

"Mike? Are you okay sweetie? Can you answer me?" Donna was asking again. Harvey looked over towards the kid from his spot at the kitchen island. Mike was slumped down on the couch with a blanket draped over him. At first Harvey couldn't understand the concern in Donna's voice, but then he heard Mike's breathing clearer. Something was off about it and he did looked a bit flushed. And also, he wasn't answering Donna. In fact he didn't show in any way that he had heard her. Harvey stood up and walked over to them.

"Kid? Can you hear us?" He asked. Still nothing. Harvey and Donna exchanged a look. Oh no.

Harvey sat down in front of Mike and blocked his view of the TV, as Donna turned it on mute. Mike still wasn't reacting, so Harvey put a hand on his cheek and turned it towards him.

"Look at me." Harvey said. When Mike did, everything changed. Harvey could see that it was serious with just that one fleeting look Mike gave him. Their eyes met for about two seconds, and it was enough for Harvey to know. There was urgency in Mike's eyes.

"What's wrong?" Harvey asked but Mike returned to just staring in front of him, like he didn't know Harvey was there anymore, his chest was moving quickly up and down. Shit! "Mike?!"

"Harvey? What's happening with him? Is he okay?" Donna asked. "Can I get him something?"

"I think we need to get him to the hospital. Right Mike?" He tried. He was getting more and more worried. Was it his heart? He tried to remember all the warning signs. Could this classify as any of them? Raspy abnormal breathing? That was one sign that something was wrong.

"He really doesn't look good." Donna said. "Should we try with the prescription he got last week?" She asked.

"No, we need to go now Donna. This is bad. He is not responding. Listen to his breathing!"

"Harvey calm down, I'm not disagreeing with you."

"We should call an ambulance. Mike? Come on, just answer me!" Harvey shook Mike's shoulder, but Donna put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"Harvey, he can't. I'm making the call." She had her phone by her ear already and stepped a bit to the side to be able to hear better.

Harvey had all of his attention on Mike. His eyes were only half way opened now. Sweat was covering his forehead and face and he had a grayish skin tone by now. Harvey swallowed nervously and stroked Mike's arm. He hastily pulled the blanket off the kid and threw it on the floor.

"Just hang in there, Mike. You will be fine. Donna and I are going to be right here with you. You just have to keep fighting."

"Five to seven minutes Harvey. I'll go down and meet them." Donna said and disappeared. Harvey barely heard what she was saying. All his attention was on Mike and he didn't leave his side.

He hated this. He hated seeing Mike like this. Donna was most likely right. Mike couldn't answer him right now. He was too busy with trying to keep breathing, keep surviving. Because that's how bad this was Harvey was slowly starting to realize. Mike was in really bad shape right now. They should have just gone to the hospital sooner! Mike had told him he had felt weird. What had he been thinking?

Harvey jerked in surprise when Mike let out a cough, he hadn't been prepared at all. Mike's arms flailed a bit towards his chest and he opened his eyes wider staring unseeingly straight up. Harvey didn't have time to do much of anything before Mike's head lolled to the side and he was unconscious.

Harvey swore loudly and immediately felt Mike's neck for a pulse. There was one! However he didn't like the pace of it. He yelled for Donna but didn't get an answer. He felt panic surge through him as he looked down at Mike. This was so bad!

Time passed endlessly slow as Harvey tried to decide what to do now. Should he carry Mike to meet the paramedics or just wait for them to come? Either way he wasn't letting Mike out of his sight. He arranged Mike to lie more flat and threw a couple of the pillows out of the way. He then sat on the edge of the couch and kept a hand on Mike's neck while he spoke to the kid in a monotone voice.

"Keep breathing. Don't you dare do anything stupid right now! Your heart better keep beating kid."

He kept saying stupid things like that because maybe Mike could hear him after all, or maybe sense in some way that he was there at least. He prayed that he did and that he would do what he was told. Then Mike's breathing got worse. He had some sort of pause in them and they sounded too raspy. Then along with Harvey's calmness, Mike's breaths stopped.

"Shit, damn it!" Harvey swore. He shook Mike's shoulder and called his name. Nothing. He swore again and went into action. He violently pushed the table away to make room, took a hold of Mike and dragged him down on the floor. He called for Donna as he ripped Mike's t-shirt to shreds, baring his chest. He put his ear towards Mike's face, trying to feel if any air came out of him, his chest wasn't moving!

"No, no, no! Mike don't do this! Don't you do this!"

He leaned over Mike, entwined his fingers and started pushing with straight arms. He read about this, he was prepared. He pushed down in the middle of Mike's chest, about the length of three fingers every time. Mike's ribs moved beneath his hands. He counted loudly as he pushed. You were supposed to push pretty fast, about 100-120 beats per minute. He couldn't think of anything other than for Mike to stop doing this, to live. When he got to thirty, he stopped and turned his focus on Mike's head, tipped it backwards with on hand on his forehead and pinched his nose shut. With the other hand he open Mike's mouth. He enclosed Mike's slack lips with his own and breathed, checked if his chest was moving and breathed again. Oh god, nothing. Then he started pushing, to thirty again.

"One, two, three, four, five, Donna! Six, seven, eight, breathe Mike, ten, eleven…"

He couldn't think of anything else, than the counting. Couldn't allow himself to. He couldn't think about how Mike's chest was bending underneath his hands, he couldn't think of the color Mike's face had taken or the way his body moved jerkily with every movement Harvey forced it to make. Did a rib just crack? He couldn't stop! He couldn't even think of why he was doing this. All he knew was that he had to keep going!

Harvey was doing compressions during the three minutes it took for the paramedics to arrive. It felt like time stood still. For Harvey it might as well been ten minutes or two hours. He just kept at it. Pushing down to thirty, breathed two times for Mike, repeat. Why wasn't he breathing? Why wasn't it working?

"Harvey! Oh god!"

Donna was with the paramedics. Harvey didn't know if she had been there earlier or arrived with them. Harvey wasn't aware of much except when they flooded the area beside and around him. They carefully steered him away from Mike. Donna grabbed hold of him as soon as she could. She shushed him, hugging his arm. He didn't know if he talked or not. His whole body was heaving. He felt exhausted.

A tube was pressed down Mike's throat, a defibrillator was quickly connected to Mike's chest. Harvey jerked himself when the machine shocked Mike. It spoke and the paramedic by Mike's side continued with compressions. It hadn't worked! Mike's heart was still not beating. This was unreal. It was like Harvey was in a bubble, just watching everything take place in front of him on mute. Was this happening? Was Mike dying in front of him?

Then they stopped.

They stopped working on Mike, just leaned away from him and Harvey made a move forward immediately. Why would they stop? He needed to help him!

"Harvey no! Wait!" Donna was holding on to him, trying to drag him back. She was barely able to stop him.

"Sir, step back!" A paramedic yelled. What the hell?

Mike jerked again and Harvey understood. He stilled and just stood there and stared. Mike looked so bad, horrible. He didn't look alive. He wasn't. It was awful. It was the worst seconds of Harvey's life. Then something happened.

"He's back." Two simple words from the paramedic's mouth and Harvey's legs folded underneath him. He ended up sitting on his knees staring as Mike twitched a bit. They removed tube and wiped him clean and replaced it with and oxygen mask.

"We need to move. Now!" They got Mike on a gurney and was out of the condo within less than two minutes. Harvey and Donna followed, Harvey leaving it to Donna to grab his keys and locking the door behind them.

They weren't allowed to join Mike in the ambulance. They said there wasn't any time or any space. Even though how much Harvey hated to be left on the street like that, watching the ambulance with Mike rushing off with the sirens sounding, he hadn't argued with them this time. Because he knew that they were right. It wasn't any time. Something might happened again. What if it did?

Harvey let Donna lead him to a cab, she even closed the door behind him. He vaguely wondered if he might be in shock. He felt kind of numb.

They didn't get to see Mike when they arrived to the hospital. They didn't get any information about him either no matter how many times they asked during the hours they spent in the waiting area.

"Shit! What's taking so long?" Harvey grumbled. Why the hell wouldn't they tell them anything? Was Mike even alive? Had his heart stopped again? Why was it taking so long?

Two more hours they waited. Then three.

Donna tried to talk to him. Asked if he was alright. He said he was fine. She looked like she didn't believe him at all. He didn't believe himself. He just patted her arm a little and she held his hand. He was vaguely aware that she was making some phone calls.

They sat like that until a doctor arrived. He had a serious expression on his face and when he asked them to come with him so they could talk Donna silently started to cry. It got too much for her then. Harvey just took her by the arm and led her after the doctor into a small room furnished with only two couches and a little table between them. He sat down next to her on one of them and kept his attention to the man in front of him. The man who knew something about Mike, his Mike.

The doctor sat down and sighed before he started speaking.

"I'm really sorry to have to tell you this. First of all, Mike is still alive at the moment but unfortunately he is in a very bad shape. It was lucky you got here when you did. Half an hour later and we would most likely have lost him due to his heart complications."

"Oh god." Donna whispered and put her hand hard over her mouth. Harvey didn't move. He didn't say a word, just waited for the rest.

"We had to shock Mike's heart three more times tonight. That is really stressful for his already weakened heart which means it's in a bad condition. At this moment we are not sure that Mike is strong enough to recover from this episode."

Harvey felt himself tense and hold his breath in as his mouth got dry and his eyes hot. "What? What do you mean?" He breathed out.

"I'm really sorry to tell you that Mike might not make it past tonight. I think it is wise for you to say your goodbyes to him at this point, should something happen."

Donna was sobbing. Harvey felt himself start to shake. This wasn't happening! He wasn't hearing what he thought he was hearing. The doctor started telling them more about what was going on with Mike's heart and what they had done to try and fix it but Harvey couldn't focus on what was said. This couldn't be it. This wasn't it. It just couldn't be. He started to shake his head.

"We are not saying anything like that to him." He got out in a low growl interrupting the other man.

"I understand how hard this must be to hear. At the moment he is in the ICU and stable but in critical condition. We are doing everything possible to keep him alive. We'll allow shorter visits. I know this is hard to take in, but…" The doctor continued until he was interrupted.

"Shut the hell up!" Harvey interrupted him. He couldn't and wasn't going to stop himself. "Mike is not dying! We're not going to go there and say good bye to him. He's not dying! You are wrong. You should be with him doing your fucking job and save him, not stand here talking shit with us."

"Harvey…" Donna quietly said but he ignored her. The doctor nodded, not showing at all that he was faced with Harvey's yelling.

"I'm telling you how the situation for Mike is right now. And this is what it looks like at the moment unfortunately."

"No! This is not happening!" Harvey shook his head. "It's not."

"Hopefully it won't but there is a possibility. We are doing everything in our power to keep Mike's heart beating right now, but it might not be enough."

"You people have said that you would do anything you could for him. You can't just give up. There has to be something else you can do!"

"We are not giving up and neither is Mike. He is still fighting. But what I am saying right now is that it might be too much for his heart to handle and in that case it nothing that we can do. You should say what you need to just in case…"

"I'm not saying anything to him, because he is not going to fucking die." Harvey said slowly, he sounded much calmer than he felt. "He is not. We are not saying goodbye!" He knew he was repeating himself, but didn't care.

"The current situation is what follows and I'm going to be honest now." The doctor calmly started again. This was someone that was used to handle outburst like Harvey's'. "Mike might not make it more than a few hours or he might make it through tonight. But Harvey, if he doesn't make it, and you didn't speak with him you will regret deeply."

Just as Harvey was going to start screaming again, because that was all he wanted to do, Donna put a warm hand on his arm. He looked into her tear drenched eyes and suddenly noticed that things were kind of blurry. After he blinked a few times he looked into her eyes again and saw her devastated expression, it was like he just deflated. "Donna…" He whispered.

"Harvey, please. We have to go to him. He is alone." It was all she said to make the anger that was filling him leave room for something else. She was right. Mike was alone. They weren't there. Mike didn't know that they were there for him, like Harvey had promised to be. He stood up so violently that his chair almost tipped over.

"Where is he?" he said.

"I'll take you to him."

They walked down the hallway and Harvey couldn't stop thinking about this morning. Everything had been okay then. Mike had been tired and Harvey had had to help him to the couch, but after that things had been normal. At least until Mike had said he felt weird. Maybe that had been when things had started to go wrong. Maybe something had happened inside of Mike and he had just ignored it. He felt incredible guilty now and blamed himself. Why hadn't he acted? Why?

But, he had to remind himself. Mike had just told him he felt weird and nothing else, how would Harvey been able to know that it was something serious? He hadn't been in pain either. But now here they were and Mike might only have hours left to live.

Mike was so still. He was intubated and connected to more wires than ever. No, no, no. This wasn't happening. Right? It wasn't. Harvey wanted to just storm up to Mike and shake him until he opened his eyes and asked what was wrong with Harvey for freaking out like that?

"Has he woken up?" Donna asked.

"No." The nurse next to Mike said. "We sedated him earlier, but he might wake up later and be in pain. Let us know immediately in case he does while you are here."

"We will." Donna said.

"I'll leave you with him for a while. We are just outside if you need us." The nurse said and Donna thanked her. Harvey remained quiet. He couldn't take his eyes of Mike. He slowly sat down on a chair next to Donna. It was like he was in a daze again, just like he was after he had finished giving compressions to Mike. Like he wasn't entirely there. He wished he wasn't, or that he didn't have to be.

How do you say goodbye?

He had no idea. What could he possible say to Mike in this situation?

It wasn't what to say that was the problem, he knew that. He knew what to say if it came to it, but this couldn't be it. To say those things would feel like giving up on Mike. To say goodbye would mean that he was okay with Mike dying, that he was giving Mike his permission to stop fighting. That was somethings he wasn't prepared to do.

Donna was whispering things to Mike and was holding his hand in both of hers. She had tears in her eyes. He couldn't distinguish what she was saying.

Harvey stood up. He turned away from Mike and headed for the door. He needed to get out of the room. He needed to not see Mike lying like that on the bed. Dying. It was just too much.

He knew that Donna was calling for him but at the moment he couldn't care. He collapsed on a bench and tried to get his breathing under control. Had he forgotten how to breathe? He couldn't stop tears from appearing and he didn't care. This was for real. He didn't care if someone could see him crying in a hospital hallway. His best friend was fighting for his life and might actually lose. He might be losing this moment, but Harvey still just sat there trying to breathe. He felt cold and sweaty at the same time.

Donna sat down next to him a few minutes later, he had barely noticed when she came. He stiffened when she touched him.

"It's okay Harvey." She whispered. "It's okay to show that you are upset."

He nodded and turned towards her and leaned against her as she brought her arms around him. He decided to let go then. And as he did it amazed him how easy it was. The hurt, fear, sadness and the frustration flooded out of him right then and there. Donna cried as well.

They sat like that for a while just holding on to each other before Harvey pulled back. A tissue appeared from nowhere in Donna's hand and he thankfully accepted it.

"Thank you." He said. He felt better now, more collected although the dread in his stomach was there to stay.

"I'm surprised it hasn't happened earlier." She smiled sadly.

"What if he doesn't make it?" Harvey quietly said. "What do we do then?"

"I don't know." Donna said. "I don't know Harvey. But he is still here. There is still a chance. He is still fighting. "

"He is my best friend. He is like my little brother." Harvey said.

"I know. And you are his. He needs you more than ever right now. Show him that you got him."

Harvey nodded. After a few moments in silence Donna asked if he was ready to go back inside. He was so they did and took their old places. Mike was exactly the same, he hadn't moved an inch. He was probably not aware that they were there. Harvey was hesitant to touch him. It almost looked like it would hurt Mike if he did. Donna didn't see it like that and had moved closer to the bed and was almost leaning over it. Her hand was lightly stroking the kid's cheek around the tube stuck down his throat. He watched as she lightly pressed a kiss to Mike's slack hand.

An hour or two passed, Harvey didn't know and didn't care. He sat where he was and just watched Mike. He didn't speak. Nurses were there a couple of times and they had to step aside for them, but wasn't made to leave. Something Harvey was incredible grateful for, because he would have fought with all he had to get to stay.

Mike woke up. At first they noticed a change at the heart monitor and then Mike moved a little.

"Sweetie? Are you awake?" Donna asked and to their joy Mike's eyes fluttered open. Harvey's own heart started beating faster as he leaned forward. But this wasn't positive news, he could immediately tell that Mike was in a lot of pain and not really with them.

Mike didn't look at them just stared blankly up at the ceiling, at least for a few seconds. Then he made a gurgling sound and trashed a little on the bed, scaring Donna causing her to lean back from him.

"Mike, calm down. You have to calm down." Harvey urged.

Mike didn't seem aware of anything. His body was twisting, jerking, his chest heaving and his hands flailed up towards his face. The worst was the noises he was making. It barely sounded human. He sounded like a wounded animal. The sound was low in volume and Mike moaned with every breath he took fighting the respirator, like it hurt him immensely every time it filled his lungs with air.

Harvey desperately tried to make contact, to get Mike to look at him. He spoke to him, shushed him, stroked his arm and held on hard to one of his hands. It didn't work.

Doctors and nurses rushed into the room the next minute. Their hands where on Mike instantly as they tried themselves to make contact as they held him down to the bed. His body trashed weakly. Someone forces Mike's eyes opened and shone a light in them, others checked the machines, adjusted things and all the while they spoke hurriedly among each other. Harvey had been pushed to the side and helplessly watched as something was injected in Mike's IV and his body started to relax.

"He's okay. He is stable. He will be asleep again in a minute or two. For now we will leave the respirator with him."

Harvey only nodded, not taking his eyes of Mike. But as soon as he was able to he went over to Mike and grabbed his hand and turned Mike's face a little against him. He kept his hand along Mike's face. He patted it a little. Mike's eyes wandered towards his face. Harvey wasn't sure Mike recognized him.

"You need to listen to me Mike. You need to fight now, you need to fight this. Give it all you got. Do you understand?"

He waited a little. Hoping. But Mike's eyes fluttered shut. Harvey had to stop himself from shaking him.

"Mike! Come on!" He felt desperate. He didn't want Mike to fall asleep again.

"Harvey." Donna said behind him.

"No! He needs to hear this. He needs to fight."

"He needs to rest. You're…"

She stopped herself and pulled a bit on his arm and he noticed that he had Mike's shoulder in a tight grip. Too tight? He let go as quickly as he had been burned.

"I didn't mean…" He said. "Mike?"

His eyes were closed.

"Damn it." Harvey sighed. He hated this. He hated the fact that Mike was so sick that he might not make it through the night. And he hated that he couldn't do anything about it.

-SUITS-

Pain. Pain came crashing over him as soon as he regained consciousness. He wished himself back to the darkness that he had been in just moments ago. He didn't want to be awake to this. He had no control over his own body. It was trying it's best to escape the pain. He couldn't see and he couldn't hear. He thought that he was screaming, but something was down in throat and he couldn't breathe!

He needed help. Why wasn't anyone helping him?

Restrictions. Something was pushing on his arms and shoulder, weight were by his hip. His head was kept still by what felt like iron hands. His whole body hurt as he tried to get free. He needed to get the thing out of his mouth.

Blinding lights were shone into his eyes that was forcefully open. Were they going to rip his eyes out? But the light was gone and things got darker again.

Suddenly he could feel how the pain started to disappear from his body. Warmth filled him slowly and the pressure eased up. His mind got a little bit clearer as he understood that he was at the hospital. The nurses let his arms go and no one was touching him anymore. They must have given him something for the pain. His whole body felt incredibly heavy and he knew that he was about to pass out again. He just hoped that he would wake up again from this.

This felt different than anything else he had experienced and it worried him a lot. It was just a feeling he had of just sinking and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get back up to the surface.

Someone grabbed his hand and hands were on his face and hit it lightly. He blinked up towards the person in front of him. It was too bright here. He could barely see, but he knew that it was Harvey that was there. Harvey always had his back. Harvey was here now too. The worry he just felt was forgotten in an instant. Harvey was here. He was talking. Shaking him. Mike couldn't react. He wish he could because Harvey's voice were loud and urgent and his grip on Mike's shoulder were painfully tight. He couldn't get away from it, but he didn't want it gone. He wanted Harvey to hold on to him, because that would mean that he wouldn't sink.

The world grew dark. He couldn't see Harvey anymore, just felt his grip. He still felt it as his consciousness left him.

-SUITS-

Mike didn't wake up again, no matter how much Harvey told him too. He carefully shook him but nothing. He couldn't help but feeling frustrated. Why the hell couldn't he just wake up? It was scary to see him so still.

"Why is he doing this?" He muttered. "He needs to fight harder."

"Harvey, he was in a lot of pain. Maybe it's better if we let him rest. He can barely breathe on his own."

"He is strong enough to do it himself. He has rested enough already. He should just wake up, get better so that we can get out of here."

"Harvey…" Donna sounded so upset, but he couldn't care about that right now. He didn't have it in him to comfort her at this point. It was Mike who needed him more now.

"He is going to be fine." He said stubbornly. "I don't get why they had to sedate him when he finally woke."

"Yes you do. You saw how he was. All he knew was pain."

He didn't get why she was pushing like this. What did she want? He stood up and asked her and saw how she took a few steps back from him.

"You have to talk to him." She whispered and he knew what she meant.

"I will when we get him back home. He is not even awake now." He said. Donna was quiet for a long time and when she spoke again he understood that she had just been preparing herself.

"Harvey, please I know you don't want to hear this and I hate saying it, but you have to face the possibility that Mike won't make it. And if it comes to it you need to show him that it is okay. You have to show him that it is okay if he can't fight anymore. You have to tell him what he means to you and that you are okay with it. He deserves to hear it, even though he is sleeping." She paused and Harvey knew she was nervously waiting for his reaction. "Can you do that?"

She was crying as she spoke and he knew she didn't want to say this but she felt that she had to, because who else would tell him what he needed to hear if not her?

He still wanted to respond with anger. How could she talk about that? Mike wasn't going to die! That wasn't going to happen.

"He isn't going to die. And I'm not okay with it." He said forcefully but slowly.

"I know Harvey, but at what point will it be too much? When will it just turn to cruelty to have him continue fighting a losing battle?"

"Never! Never, Donna, if he makes it, it will be worth it!"

"If!"

Harvey stopped. He was breathing hard and prepared to yell, but stopped himself because of Mike that was laying there next to him. He came over to her and brought her to the end of the room. What was the point with yelling at Donna? There was no point. And what had he said? He hadn't meant to say if. He hadn't wanted to say if.

"I…I didn't mean to say that." He said. "I'm sorry." Tears gathered in his eyes again and he tried to blink them away.

Donna came up to him and hugged him then.

"I'm sorry too, Harvey. I'm so sorry."

He hugged her back and shed a few more tears before he got hold of himself again.

"I'm not okay with it." He said again.

"I know. I'm not okay with it either. But we need to do what it takes for Mike. We need to show him that we know that he is doing his absolute best and that we won't blame him if this illness is too much for him."

"I'll never blame him."

"Mike doesn't know that."

Harvey didn't know what to say.

"Just because you talk to him doesn't mean that he will give up Harvey, Mike doesn't want to die. But he needs to know that you are with him no matter what."

Harvey looked towards Mike again as he swallowed hard and nodded.

"I'll talk to him." He said quietly. "I will."

"I know." She smiled sadly. "I'll give you some time alone with him. I called the others earlier. They are in the waiting area. I'll go and tell them about what happened."

He nodded and lightly squeezed her shoulder and watched her leave. The others were here. It made him feel better. Donna had called hours ago and they were still here, just waiting to get news about Mike.

He looked over to the bed. Mike looked so small, young. He wasn't that old after all. He hadn't achieved everything he was meant to yet. He didn't deserve this.

Harvey walked over and sat down next to the kid again. Donna was right. Mike needed to know that Harvey stood by him.

"Hi Mike." No answer. Of course. He took another deep breath.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not. This just feel stupid. Talking to you when you're not awake. You should just wake up by the way. Then we wouldn't have to do this. I need you to wake up Mike."

Nothing changed, Mike remained the same and the only sound in the room came from the machines that were making sure that Mike kept breathing and kept him alive.

"I need you Mike. I need you to fight." He lowered his voice. "You know, you are not allowed to ditch me kid. Because…because Mike, I don't want to go on without you. You have no idea how much you mean to me." He swallowed.

"I don't think I know how to do anything without you now. Mike…"

He had to pause for a while.

"You are the strongest, kindest person I know. You deserve to live your life. Just pull through this and I'll be right here. I'll always be right here for you. I hope you know that by now."

He paused again.

"I think you do."

He watched Mike's pale face, and took Mike's slack hand in his remembering a doctor that told him that handholding had a positive effect.

"You know, I believe you can beat this. I do. This is just one other thing that you will have to fight through."

He sighed, suddenly wanting the seriousness in what he was saying gone.

"You know this is actually easier to do when you're asleep. This way you can't make fun of me. At least we are past this whole me not caring phase. I guess you made me a better person, kid. I like who I am now, because of you."

He rubbed his eyes a bit. "I'm not going to say good bye to you Mike. They think I should, they all do but I won't, because I know that you'll make it."

He paused for a while, stroking Mike's hand slowly with his thumb. "I'm here Mike. I know you are doing your best. You always have. I know that."

He nodded a little towards the kid. He got no reaction, but he had said what he needed to. Now it was time for waiting.

It was all still the same an hour later. The sounds from the machines, the faint noises from the hall. It was like time stood still. Harvey didn't know how long he sat like this. He spoke a bit more, assured Mike that he was there. Told him to fight. To hold on. Nurses and doctors came and went. Donna was there. Louis, Jessica and Rachel stopped by. Harvey stayed where he was. One of the doctors wanted him to leave though as they did some test but he didn't and they didn't fight him over it.

Harvey had been awake for way to long now. Just as Mike had been asleep way too long. Why couldn't he just wake up? He should wake up and be annoyed about the tube in his throat. He should wake up and complain over having to stay at the hospital again. That was how it was supposed to be, but wasn't. But Mike was still alive and being unconscious like that at least meant that he wasn't getting worse.

Donna managed to convince Harvey to get some sleep in the early morning hours. She assured him that she would wake him up if Mike so much as twitched. If he hadn't been so god damn tired he would have refused her suggestion. Now he slept restlessly for about three hours before he woke up and remembered the situation and then just couldn't fall back asleep. He groggily sat up from the small cot he had been sleeping on and saw that Donna had turned towards him.

"How is he?" He asked and rubbed his face. He felt a headache coming on.

"He is the same." Donna quietly said. "However the nurse that just left said that it's a good sign that he has been holding on for this long and that nothing else has happened with his heart."

Harvey nodded and came to take a seat next to the bed. He leaned his elbows towards Mike's bed and watched Mike. His skin color was almost gray. They waited.

A lot of things were going on in Harvey's mind as he sat there opposite of Donna. She had apparently decided to stay until Mike woke up. Harvey was grateful for her company. He was satisfied with sitting there listening to Donna quietly speak to Mike. He felt so tense and all he wished for was that Mike would be okay and that he would just make it. He had made a choice earlier when he spoke with Mike. He needed it to be the right one, because if it wasn't he would never forgive himself and he would never be okay again. He just knew it.

They spent almost six hours like that, before anything happened. Donna had gotten some sleep on the couch as well. Mike doctors had been there two times to check on him.

Harvey's heart flew up in his throat when Mike suddenly weakly coughed. The next minute happened very fast as Mike's machines triggered some kind of alarm and the room was flooded with medical personal. Harvey and Donna were determinedly ordered out of the room, and they had no choice but to do so.

Donna was shaking were she stood next to Harvey. He didn't know if he was doing the same. When the door opened again and they were allowed inside the room again they were told that Mike was not in pain and was back to sleep. His heart was okay as well.

"It looks like he is going to make it past this episode." The doctor smiled. "He is strong."

Harvey just nodded.

"Is he going to be okay?" Donna shakily asked.

"He is still in critical condition and we are going to monitor him closely. Anything can still happen at any time, but it looks like he has taken a turn for the better for now. He is able to breath on his own."

The doctor left and Harvey stumbled back towards the wall. His head was spinning.

"Harvey?" Donna was saying in front of him. He saw that she came closer but she was fading. Things were becoming darker as he passed out.

-SUITS-

Let me know what you think about this chapter!
It became long and pretty emotional, but I do enjoy to write that. And sorry for the cliffhanger :) Poor Harvey. And Mike of course.
Thank you for reading and for all your reviews. I really enjoy them and they encourage me to write. And also thank you for the ideas. I hope you liked it!