Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

50. Chapter 50 - Improving

Chapter 50.

Harvey blinked his eyes open slowly. For a moment he had no idea where he was and his mind was blank. What had happened? Where the hell was he?

He was laying on a bed in a hospital room he realized in the next few second. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked around the room. It was small, simple and empty. Harvey groaned a little and fell back down on to the bed and tried to remember why he was here.

Mike!

Where was Mike? He had to find out right now! The last thing he could remember sitting next to Mike on a ventilator then being forced to step out of the room. But Mike was alright? Wasn't he?

He sat up and felt his head spin a little, he was tired as well but other than that he felt fine. He didn't have time to get of the bed before the door opened.

"Harvey! What are you doing?" Donna had two cups of coffee in her hands and put them down on the little table next to the bed.

"Donna, where is Mike?"

"Take it easy Harvey, calm down. You just passed out."

"I noticed. Mike?"

She nodded a little and smiled. "Mike is doing alright. I went to see him. He is sedated but is breathing on his own. They are keeping him under close watch. You don't have to worry right now."

Harvey nodded. "So he is fine." He mumbled. "He is fine."

"How are you doing Harvey?" Donna asked and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine Donna." Harvey swallowed.

"You fainted. You are not fine."

"I don't know what to say, Donna. I feel better now."

She patiently waited for him to continue.

"You know why I fainted." He eventually admitted. "I haven't been sleeping or eating properly, I…I worried about him dying. When they said that he wouldn't die today it just… I don't know. I was relieved."

"I know Harvey. But you need to take care of yourself as well. We both do." She looked like she wanted to continue but for some reason she didn't. Instead she reached over and took one of the cups and handed it to him.

"Drink this while I go and get you something to eat. Then you are going to see a doctor and after that we can go to Mike."

Harvey chose to agree to that. She had said that Mike was sedated and looked after. The first sip of coffee felt amazing and the sandwich Donna brought back to him did wonders to his mood. He felt a lot better after that. Almost normal.

He met a doctor who basically repeated the same thing that Donna had said, just a bit more extensive. She also pushed on the matter that if he didn't take care of himself he wouldn't be able to take care of Mike. Harvey knew that they were both right, because what if something happened with Mike and he wouldn't be able to help him? That couldn't happen.

Mike was looking a little bit better than before, but not by much. That he was off the ventilator improved his appearance a lot. He was still connected to more wires than Harvey had the energy to count.

Donna sighed sadly next to Harvey. "Do you think he is cold?" She asked quietly.

Mike wasn't wearing anything on his upper body, leaving all the wires in plain sight. Maybe the reason for him being shirtless was so that they would be able to act quickly without any fabric in the way if something were to happen. Harvey thought a bit about what Mike would have said if he would have been able to see himself like this. Probably something on the lines with I look like shit! Because he did. He looked really bad, his skin a sickly almost grey color, except for below his eyes, where he had dark rings that almost made it look like he had been punched. He looked so ill. He looked like he was dying.

That made something to Harvey. It filled him with despair, anger and dread. It was almost too much. He just stood there watching the kid until Donna asked him if he was okay. He just shook his head at her and sat down heavily on the chair next to the bed.

The waiting that Harvey by now felt familiar with began after that. Harvey stayed as long as he could but went home to sleep some while Donna stayed at the hospital. Rachel was also there as well as Louis. When Harvey was there alone during the next day Jessica stopped by. She sat with them for an hour before departing again.

Harvey was sitting there watching Mike as he breathed. In and out. He was still sedated but his doctors had been talking about trying to wake him up soon. From what Harvey could understand Mike was doing a little better, he was more stable and they thought that he would be able to handle being awake. Only those words left an uncomfortable feeling with Harvey. Sometimes it felt like he had a hard time really understanding what was happening, that Mike was so sick that doctors didn't think that he could handle being awake. They told him other things as well, the reasons for why they didn't want Mike awake, the stress it might put on his heart.

However Mike was doing a bit better and it was time for him to be awake. Harvey longed for it. He just wanted to hear Mike's voice again, look into his eyes, see him in any other position than this one that he was in now. It had been three days of this now. It felt like it was weeks ago since he had been forced to do compressions on Mike's still chest. Someone had told him that Mike now supported three cracked ribs. That someone had also told Harvey that he had saved Mike's life. Or prolonged it. The thought flew through his head so fast that he hadn't been prepared for. He did his best to push it away.

He felt almost a little dizzy. He should take a break. He needed something in his stomach, but somehow he didn't have it in him to move from his seat. Mike was the same, but still Harvey couldn't move. He couldn't leave Mike alone. He knew that the younger man was closely monitored and deemed stable, but he still couldn't do it. Because what if Mike chose the moment he was away to wake up? He would wake up and be alone and Harvey couldn't have that. So he stayed where he was.

Donna thankfully came by a few hours later and sent Harvey away to get something to eat. When he got back they stayed with Mike together. They were talking quietly when they started to notice a change in Mike. He was waking up!

Both Donna and Harvey leaned forward with encouragements as Mike's eyes fluttered opened. He made a low moaning sound causing Donna to grab his hand in hers. She shushed him, but it didn't seem to help. He couldn't hear them and Harvey pushed the call button.

Mike was breathing deeply and his eyes were half opened by now but it was like he wasn't really there. His empty gaze were fixed straight ahead. Before a nurse entered the room Mike had passed out again. She checked him over and got a doctor to come an examine Mike, after that they changed his medication a bit and said that Mike was going to be sleeping until the next morning. Harvey and Donna could come back then.

-SUITS-

Was he even awake? He could hear sounds around him like faint whispers, they were there, he was pretty sure someone was talking but he just couldn't make out what they were saying. Almost like he was under water which was a scary thought.

He felt so heavy, which contradicted the underwater feeling but it was like the air itself around him had gotten dense and was pressing down on him, keeping him from moving or even breathing the way he wanted, or needed. He wished it gone, it scared him. He tried to make a sound but it didn't work. He couldn't get it out and he barely had the energy to try again. What was going on with him? He had no idea. What was happening?

He needed to open his eyes to find out. After trying for a minute he managed to open them a little. Everything were held in a white blur. He could distinguish shapes, people. They came closer to him. He felt pressure around one of his hands. They talked but he couldn't make out the words. He didn't know who it was. He was so tired.

Mike didn't notice that he had passed out again. He just knew that some time had passed because the room was brighter than it had been before, at least he thought it was. He felt so confused, he wasn't even sure about where he was. Although he found that he didn't care all that much about that. He had a feeling that he probably should care but he was just too tired to care.

Someone was speaking next to him now. He wasn't really sure about what they were saying though. He fought to keep his eyes open, they felt so dry that it was almost painful. Everything about his body felt heavy. He tried licking his lips but even that was a task that proved to be too much for him. Suddenly something really cold touch his lips. It surprised him. The next thing that happened were that his lips gently were forced opened and that cold thing was pushed inside his mouth. He realized that it was ice and that it felt really good. His mouth had been really dry.

Somehow that ice helped more than his dry mouth and he soon felt a little clearer, a little more awake. He tried to focus more on what was going on around him. He blinked and tried to force his eyes more open but wasn't as successful as he would have liked. It had to do though. Someone was there next to him, he knew that much. The ice hadn't just flown into his mouth. At the moment he didn't care about who it was though, he didn't care about much at all.

After a while he was able to distinguish more of what was said to him. The person was still talking. They were saying his name a lot, they wanted him to look at them. He wasn't sure if he was able to do that, to turn his head that much. His eyes strained as he tried to glance sideways towards the voice. Then a shadow swam into his line of sight and Mike saw that it was Harvey. Harvey was there, he had been the one that was talking. Mike tried to smile because seeing Harvey made him feel good. He couldn't get his face to cooperate though. Why was that?

He tried to speak but couldn't force his throat to form any words. He didn't like that very much. He tried again. It was like he didn't have the energy to force up enough air in his throat to make sounds. Why was he so tired? He should really try to find out why that was.

What had happened?

Harvey was still talking next to him, Mike had zooned him out for a second and hadn't listened while he had tried to speak. Harvey was telling him to calm down. But he was calm, wasn't he?

Maybe he wasn't? He didn't like this anymore. He wanted to be able to move, to talk, and to turn his damn head so that he could look at Harvey when he was talking. He decided to try harder to move. He tensed his whole body and willed it to do what he asked of it. It didn't work but something close to him started to make a shrill sound again and again. He wanted it to stop. Someone touched his arm, someone else spoke. But then a strange feeling rushed through him and he felt himself relax. It felt good. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling it brought him.

The next time Mike woke up wasn't like the first at all. This time he felt more present, more aware and more in pain. Also he had something in his throat at least that was what it felt like because he needed to cough. So he did and it was awful and he just couldn't stop. There were commotion around him but it wasn't something he paid attention to because he was coughing so much. It hurt a lot and he couldn't breathe.

Someone hauled him upright and carefully hit his back. Hands where holding him, over his chest and around his head. At first he fought the grip until he realized that they were there to keep him upright. He also had other problems, like not being able to breathe. He was almost starting to panic when it finally stopped. He hang limp in Harvey's hold, because he had realized that Harvey was the one that was practically hugging him. At least one doctor and a nurse where standing close to them.

"That's it Mike, just try and breathe normally. You are doing great." The nurse said.

"You are alright now." Harvey murmured close to his ear. Then he was lowered down to the bed again and Harvey stepped to the side and joined Donna. The woman was smiling widely with teary eyes at him. He locked eyes with her for a second and she whispered his name.

He got to drink a few sips of water to clear his throat and then they wanted to examine him. He tried to speak but his voice was raspy and it almost hurt to talk so they told him not to try. Instead he was ordered to squeeze the nurse's hand as a way of answer their questions.

"Are you in any pain?"

One squeeze for yes.

"Anywhere else then in your chest?"

Two squeezes for no.

They asked him about his breathing, ability to move, if he was aware of where he was, if he recognized Harvey and Donna. Harvey had looked both pale and worried as Mike glanced over at them at that question. One squeeze.

"Yes, he recognizes them." The nurse translated for him, and Harvey smiled and nodded at him.

They told him what happened next, but not very detailed. They said that his heart had had an incident and Mike wanted to curse at them. Incident! He knew it was more to it. He knew that after one glance at Harvey and Donna. Donna was dressed in jeans and a sweater with her hair in a messy ponytail and Harvey's hair was disheveled. They both looked tired.

There was a lot of talking going on and Mike did his best in trying to listen. He had to take it easy, sleep and rest was the only thing that he needed to do. He got something against the pain and was told to rest and they would talk more to him later.

When the doctor left Donna and Harvey came up to him. Tears were streaming down Donnas face even though she was smiling at him.

"Hi sweetie." She whispered and leaned over him and carefully hugged him before reluctantly stepping aside to allow Harvey to greet him.

"Hi kid. It's good to see you awake." Harvey got out, his voice broke a little, and Mike watched him closely. Harvey grabbed on to his hand and squeezed it hard.

"Hi…" Mike whispered, thrilled that he was able to get some words out. He didn't know what else to say though. He wanted to ask them what had happened. He couldn't really remember how he ended up here.

Harvey didn't release his grip of his hand and Mike felt a bit worried about that.

"You scared us a little. You did well though. I'm so proud of you Mike." Harvey said.

"What?" Mike got out. The smile on Harvey's face looked fake.

Harvey shook his head. "What's important is that you are awake and doing better now."

Mike felt a bit worried, he was tired. What was Harvey talking about, awake?

"Are you still in pain?" Donna asked and Mike shook his head. He felt kind of numb. The drugs had done its job.

Harvey and Donna sat down next to each other on the side of his bed. Harvey was still holding Mike's hand and Donna leaned forward towards him and was stroking his forehead lightly with one hand and had the other at his shoulder. It felt really good to have them there like there. Donna's touches were soothing.

"You can sleep if you want." Harvey told him. "You look tired."

Mike smiled at this. He was so tired and if Harvey said it was okay to sleep then he would.

He woke up again from pain in his chest. It hurt with every breath he took. He moaned and brought his hand up to do what he didn't know, but it was terrible. He didn't want to breathe like this.

"Are you alright? Are you in pain?" Harvey spoke next to him. "I'll just page someone for you." He felt a little better after the nurse had left.

"Your doctor was here earlier but you were sleeping." Harvey told him. "Donna went home to sleep some too. She will be back tomorrow again."

"What…time…is…" Mike asked. Or started to ask. Harvey understood though.

"About eight thirty. It's about six hours since you woke up the last time."

"Oh." Mike rasped. He barely had a voice. At least he felt a little better now. A little more alert. He was ready to get some answers.

"What happened?" he asked and looked up at Harvey, who seemed to hesitate.

"It was pretty bad Mike." He then said.

"What?"

"You are fine now." Harvey started. "But you weren't earlier Mike."

"Tell me."

"I don't know if that is such a good idea Mike." Harvey said.

"Tell me." Mike repeated. He wanted to know what was going on, why Harvey had that look on his face and why Harvey and Donna had looked the way they did the last time he was awake.

"It was your heart Mike." Harvey said and Mike managed to raise his eyebrows at him, not that he had much of those, but Harvey smirked a bit.

"Yeah, big surprise huh?"

"Did it stop?" Mike whispered and as he asked that feeling he felt a bit of dread start to settle in his stomach.

Harvey looked pained when he answered. "Yes it did."

Mike didn't know how to react, but he shouldn't be that surprised.

"Bad?" He asked.

"Yes. It was." Harvey said and swallowed. He didn't seem like he wanted to talk about this at all and Mike really wondered what happened. "We are going to wait for your doctor now." Harvey said next and so they did.

While they waited Harvey talked about other things. He told Mike that all the others had been over to see him and that he had been out for a few days. He didn't go in to any details about those days and Mike didn't ask.

The doctor arrived a bit later. When he saw Mike he smiled widely and put down the files he had been caring and lifted Mike's hand and shook it with both of his hands.

"It's good to see you feeling better Mike. Are you in any kind of pain at the moment? No? Good. Now, I have a few things that I would like to talk about."

Mike nodded and glanced over at Harvey. He looked a bit relieved which surprised Mike a bit.

"Mike, I don't want you to worry about what I will tell you right now. It's important that you remain calm at the moment. We are all here to help you with that and you know that you are in good hands here, but it will be hard to hear this." The doctor started and Mike stared at him. What had happened with him?

"You collapsed in your home Mike since your heart stopped beating." He doctor looked over towards Harvey before he continued. "Mister Spector here kept you alive until the paramedics got your heart started again, but after that your heart were shocked three more times which left you in a really bad condition as you might realize."

He stopped a while to make sure Mike was following. Mike nodded jerkily.

"You were left in a very bad condition Mike. Unfortunately it was touch and go for a while, but you fought well and the latest test shows some improvement. We are going to keep you here for a while now to monitor you so you don't have to worry." He paused a moment to see if Mike had something to say. He didn't. He was mortified. He had been shocked at least three times, was it even four? He had been so close to die. He had almost died. This was the reason why Harvey and Donna had looked messed up. Oh god. What was he going to do?

His doctor talked a bit more but Mike wished he would leave. He wanted to freak out now. But maybe he shouldn't do that. He couldn't freak out. What if he got a heart attack as a result of it? Shit, he was scared. He had almost died. Again. He didn't dare to move.

Harvey was there. Harvey was there for him and that was the best news in all of this. Not that it should be any news to him. He and Harvey were a team and Harvey was going to help him. He wanted the doctor gone so that he could reach out to Harvey. He blinked and suddenly a tear trailed down his cheek. It surprised him a little but he did nothing about it. The other men noticed too and the doctor paused and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know this is hard, but there is still hope."

"Would you give us a minute?" Harvey interrupted.

"Of course, we are about done here anyway, unless you have any questions Mike?"

Mike shook his head.

"I'll see you tomorrow then Mike. I'm ending my shift now but Doctor Rosenberg will be here this evening." He left shortly after that. Before they got to be alone a nurse dropped by for a couple of minutes. By the time she left Mike felt that his emotional state had improved somewhat.

Harvey looked at him and asked if he was okay.

"Not really." Mike said.

Harvey nodded. "I get that." He said.

"How bad was it really?" Mike asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

Harvey say down on the chair next to the bed. He leaned forward and watched Mike and shook his head a little.

"It was bad Mike." he quietly said.

"I know. How bad?"

"What good will it do if I tell…"

"How?" he just needed to know. He didn't know why, he just had to know. Harvey still hesitated and Mike felt himself tense as he eventually spoke.

"They…they advised us to say goodbye to you."

"What?" Mike breathed.

"You have to know how bad it looked Mike. You were in a shitty condition and they weren't sure that you were going to make it through the night. But you did. You are still here. You are still fighting."

Mike nodded and looked away. He needed to digest this. He really had almost died. He was hit by a thought.

"Did you…did you say goodbye?" he whispered unsure if Harvey heard him or not. He did.

"No." he said causing Mike to look back at him. "I couldn't. You know why?"

"No."

"Because I know you. You weren't going to die like that, so there was no need for last words, okay. You are doing better Mike. A lot better, so keep doing what you are doing now. Okay?"

"Okay." He bit his lip as he started straight ahead. He reached out his hand and Harvey took a hold of it without a word.

"Thank you." Mike said.

-SUITS-

They didn't speak much more that night. Harvey spent a couple of hours on that chair, close to the kid. Mike fell asleep while they still were holding hands. It had taken him a while and he had been laying there all tense for almost an hour. Then he gradually started to relax and fell asleep. Harvey done his best to reassure him.

Harvey relaxed a little himself. The past two days had been exhausting. He had promised himself that he would take better care of himself, but as it was now he had barely slept at all during these couple of days. He had gotten a few hours here and there on a hospital benches or the chair in Mike's room while Donna were there.

He had been thrilled when Mike woke up and seemed to be somewhat more alert. He had been excited and just so relieved. Mike had made it bit longer. It was scary nonetheless that he barely responded to them. The second time hadn't been much better since Mike had been in a lot of pain and his face had turned a bluish tone from all that coughing. Harvey had been the one how had been ordered to lift Mike up in an upright position and help him expel whatever that caused him to cough like that.

Mike had been able to talk after that. It was strange to be so happy about that the kid was able to form short sentences. Harvey had felt so damn helpless when Mike hadn't been able to speak to them. This whole experience was scary and he just wanted it to be over. He wanted to be able to bring Mike home again, but that was probably not happening in the near future. Mike's doctors had spoken to them and said that Mike still was in a very bad condition. Anything could happen at any time they had said. That was not reassuring at all. Mike needed to stay as calm as possible and rest to give his heart some time to recover from the episode a few days ago.

He hadn't wanted to tell Mike about what had happened, but at the same time it felt wrong to withhold stuff from Mike, so he had told him what he had wanted to know. He could imagine how terrible it must have been for Mike to hear all of that. It was terrible for Harvey as well. He was in a state of constant worry and even if it lessened somewhat now when Mike was awake and aware of what was going on it was still there. It would probably always be there from now on.

He should give Jessica a call. She had wanted him to let her know what was going on with Mike. She had said she wanted to know the second anything with Mike changed. Sometimes he thought about what Jessica thought with all of this. She hadn't been too fond of Mike before and even if she was really good and considerate of Mike now, Harvey wasn't sure if she would grieve as much as the rest of them if Mike were not to make it. Mike did cause her a lot of trouble. Earlier it was the whole thing with him not being a real lawyer and now he was the reason Harvey was barely at work. But she hadn't said anything at all about that so Harvey knew that they were good. And that was all work-related, Harvey knew that Jessica liked the person Mike was and never would wish him any harm.

She answered on the second signal.

"Hi Harvey. Any news?" She asked and he told her what had happened. They talked for a while and she reminded him to take care of himself as well.

"How did you know?" He asked.

"Do you have to ask?"

"Donna told you I passed out, didn't she?"

"She did."

He promised her that he would head home and get some real sleep as soon as Mike was more stable and Jessica said that she would let the others at the firm know that Mike was still alive.

Harvey decided to try and sleep some himself.

He was woken up by a nurse that carefully shook his shoulder. He still got alarmed and almost pushed her out of the way to be able to see Mike. His heart sank a bit when he did. Mike had his face turned towards him and he looked devastated, he had tears in his eyes and a hand clasped over his chest.

"Hey, are you okay? Are you in pain?" Harvey rushed over to him

Mike just let out a weak sob and Harvey turned against the nurse.

"He just got some to relieve the pain. He was trying to wake you up but couldn't so he paged me." She explained.

"Oh. Okay. Thanks." Harvey said and turned back to Mike feeling like crap. "I'm a wake now." He said totally unnecessary. He laid his hand over Mike's. He could feel how Mike's chest was moving rapidly up and down.

"It's okay now. Just calm down. Try and calm down. Deep breaths."

Mike nodded a little and tried to do what Harvey told him.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Harvey asked and watched how Mike shook his head.

"Okay. What was it then?"

Mike wouldn't meet his eyes now. He bit his lip.

"Were you scared?" Harvey quietly asked. And Mike nodded, still trying to get his breaths under control.

"That's okay." Harvey said. "Sorry I was asleep."

Mike shook his head. "I just couldn't wake you." He mumbled. "I just…I just wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, about what?"

Mike's eyes flickered around everywhere but to Harvey's eyes.

"You were thinking about what happened?" Harvey tried. Mike nodded. "Yeah, I do that a lot too."

Mike's eyes started to fill with tears again and his hand was shaking a bit.

"How are you feeling?" Harvey asked him. "What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know." Mike shakily answered and moved his hand so that he could on to Harvey's.

Harvey shushed him and told him not to worry. Mike fell asleep like that.

They got the opportunity to talk some more the next day. Mike was taken for a few tests and scans early in the morning and he seemed a bit more alert when he was wheeled back into his room where Harvey was waiting for him.

"Hi." He greeted Harvey when they were alone in the room.

"Hi." Harvey said. "Are you doing better?"

Mike just rolled his eyes a bit. He seemed to have trouble to keep his eyes more than half open.

"Donna is on her way with breakfast." Harvey told him.

"I can't eat." Mike mumbled.

"Well, it's not for you. It's for me." Harvey told him and smirked as Mike rolled his eyes again.

"Seriously though Mike. How are you feeling?"

"I can't move." Mike said. "It's difficult to just talk… or it feels like… I have to work to do it."

"Yeah…" Harvey pursed his lips in sympathy for the kid. "You are not in pain then are you?"

"No…"

"That's good. And it's not that strange that you are that tired. You have been through a lot the last few days."

"Mmm…" Mike's eyes were closed now.

"Are you sleeping?"

"Mmm…"

It was Harvey's turn to roll his eyes. All the kid did was to sleep. He would like to do some of that as well. His back ached from a night spent in that damn chair.

Donna came over and they had lunch. He felt a bit better with something in his stomach. She was a bit sad that Mike was sleeping, because she could only stay for about an hour. She was still managing everything at the firm for Harvey.

"I want you to know that I'm grateful Donna for what you are doing." Harvey said out of impulse. She looked away from Mike in surprise.

"Thank you Harvey."

"I know you are dealing with a lot. Everything at the office with me not being there and you are taking care of both me and Mike."

"Of course I do. And I'm happy to do it Harvey. You know that. Mike needs you here, so I'm making sure you are not needed elsewhere."

"Thank you."

She shook her head a little at him. "Speaking of taking care of you. You look like absolute crap. You are going home for a couple of hours after lunch. I'll stay here with Mike. You need to eat something other than sandwiches, you need a shower and you need some sleep in a bed."

"Donna, I'm fine. Mike..."

"Mike will be fine with me here. We are not repeating what happened the other day."

"It won't happen again, but I don't…"

"You are going."

Harvey didn't answer. She had won.

Donna had to leave before Mike woke up, much to her dismay. But she would be back in about four hours. It gave Harvey time to prepare Mike for his departure. He didn't want to leave Mike, but the kid would understand, right?

He told Mike when he woke up an hour later. Mike did not look happy and didn't want to talk about it. He just said okay and changed the subject. However Harvey knew he didn't take it lightly and about ten minutes before Donna were set to arrive Mike brought it up.

"So do you really have to leave?" He asked. His speech were still slow and left him a bit breathless when he said longer sentences.

"It's just for a few hours."

"Yes. You said that."

"You will be fine."

"It's just… I was just thinking... They said that I might not have long, and I was just thinking that maybe you could stay with me anyway?"

Harvey cursed inwardly.

"Mike, you know nothing is for sure yet."

"I know, but…" Mike's head rolled away from him.

"I told you that you don't have to worry. And Donna will be here with you at all times, or a nurse. I've talked to them…"

Mike didn't look at him.

"How can you know that nothing will happen?" He said.

Harvey hesitated. He didn't want to answer this, because he knew just as much as Mike that he couldn't know.

"You won't be alone and I will be back later." He repeated instead.

Mike nodded a little, still not looking up. He didn't speak and Harvey just wished that he would. That he would say something along the line of that he would be fine here without Harvey around for a couple of hours, but by the look of him it didn't look like Mike was fine with it at all. He looked incredibly sad as well as totally exhausted. He blinked so slowly that Harvey almost thought that he was too tired to even do that properly.

"Donna will be here at any minute." He said to fill the silence. "She will stay with you for a couple of hours and then I will be back."

"But… but Harvey…" he didn't finish that sentence. Harvey felt like shit. Like he was betraying Mike. But he wasn't. He was just going to go home and change clothes. Mike would be fine.

"I'll come back as soon as I can. I just have to do this Mike. I'm exhausted." He confessed and watched Mike for his reaction.

Mike met his eyes now. He nodded. "Yeah, okay." He said weakly.

He still jerked and tensed when Donna walked into the room two minutes later. He didn't say anything though, barely said hi to Donna.

"I'll be back soon." Harvey said and squeezed Mike's hand. "I promise."

Mike nodded a little.

"We'll be fine." Donna said and sat down in Harvey's vacant chair. She waved Harvey out of the room and Harvey left.

In the cab on his way home he did his best not to feel guilty for going home. He needed a little break. Mike was going to be okay.

-SUITS-

It was hard to watch Harvey go without saying anything. In fact he wanted to scream and rage at the older man for leaving him like that. He didn't care if Harvey needed to sleep, he didn't care at all. Harvey should be with him nowhere else. Harvey had promised to be by his side and Mike wanted him here now! Sure Donna was great but he wanted Harvey. Harvey had saved his life twice now. Harvey could save him again. He didn't trust that Donna would be as capable. And besides, he was scared, he was freaking out and he wanted Harvey here to keep him company and to keep him calm. He felt calm when Harvey was around. He felt safe. And at this moment he wanted to feel safe because he had almost died only a few days ago and he was still at risk.

Harvey apparently thought that he would be fine. So what if he died a little a few days ago?

"Mike?" Donna interrupted his thoughts. She stroke his arm. "Are you doing okay?"

"He said that he was going to be here for me. And now he left."

She smiled sadly at him and nodded. She seemed to think over what she would answer him.

"Harvey has been here for you Mike." she started and held up a hand when he wanted to interrupt her. "He has been so worried. We all have, but it is the worst for Harvey. You know how much he cares for you and to see you like this, to have to do what he did…" she trailed off.

"What did he do?"

"He kept you alive when your heart gave out, and he has barely left your side since that happened. Except for when he passed out." She locked eyes with him as she said that. Mike eyes widened.

"What? He passed out? Is he okay?" he worriedly asked.

"He is fine, he just needs to take care of himself a bit better."

"What happened?"

"He barely slept when we waited for news about you, and when we were told you were going to make it he passed out."

Mike stared at her. Harvey had passed out? Because of him?

"I…I didn't… I didn't know."

"Oh sweetie, of course you didn't. Harvey would never tell you that, and you know that if Harvey got to decide he would live in here with you. And Mike, it's not your fault, never think that."

"Okay." He said, but that was easier said than done. Was he being selfish when he wanted Harvey's company at all times? He understood now, Harvey couldn't be here all the time. Of course he couldn't, Harvey would get exhausted, maybe even sick. He couldn't believe that Harvey had actually passed out because of him. Or because of not taking care of himself because he was too worried about Mike. But Mike was the one that was dying from heart cancer not Harvey. So what if Harvey got tired, he would get over it. He could sleep when Mike was gone. Until that happened, why couldn't he just stay with him?

He didn't want to have to care about how Harvey was feeling. He didn't think he had room for that inside of him right now. But maybe he couldn't demand that Harvey was there all the time. He should just be happy when he was there. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to have to think about this.

"Tell me something." He begged Donna. She looked surprised.

"Tell you what?"

"Anything. I don't want to think."

"Oh sweetie." But she started to tell him about the latest play she had seen. Mike had read the script of the play in high school, so he knew the whole story, but he didn't tell Donna that, he just laid there and listened to her voice as he tried to fall asleep.

He felt worse when he woke up again. He felt queasy and was in pain. Harvey still wasn't there and he felt like crying. What if he never returned again? What if he had decided that it was too much for him to watch Mike like this?

He told the nurse that was there to check some of the machines that he was feeling sick and she promised to try and help with that, but all she did was to return with something for him to throw up in.

He threw up about twenty minutes later and was miserable. He hadn't been able to lift his head enough and a lot of it had ended up running down his neck. They had to change both his gown and the sheets. It was so humiliating to lay there while two women, that looked younger than he was, changed his clothes and cleaned him up.

He actually wished he could be alone after they were done and had left, or at least that Donna could go and sit in the corner or something so that he could break down in peace. But she didn't do that she was there and tried to make him feel better and wiped his tears that appeared without his consent. And Harvey still wasn't there. He didn't care about Mike anymore. He wanted to ask Donna if he was going to be there soon or not, but maybe she got annoyed with him then. She apparently wanted Harvey at home so that he could rest.

Donna tried her best to help him, he knew she did, and he pretended that he felt better. He even managed to smile at her a little.

He had a visit from a few doctors as well while Harvey was gone. They checked him over, adjusted his medication, asked questions and listened to his heart. They said that they were waiting for the test results but that they were carefully optimistic at this point. They said other things as well that Mike didn't want to listen to. Explained technical details about his heart.

"Harvey texted me. He will be here in about forty minutes. He just called Ray." Donna said as the medical personal left the room.

When Harvey stepped into the room Mike felt like that was the best moment of his entire day. He smiled happily and stretched out his hand towards Harvey who took it and squeezed it.

"Hey, I see you are still alive." Harvey smirked.

"Harvey!" Donna hit him a little. "That's not funny." But Mike chuckled a little and held on harder on Harvey's hand. Harvey watched him closer.

"You good?" He asked as he sat down. Mike shrugged a little, and glared at Donna when she told Harvey that he had been sick earlier.

"Did you get some sleep?" Donna asked Harvey and it was his turn to shrug.

"A little."

"Harvey…"

"Donna…" the other's looked at each other and Mike couldn't help but smile at them. He felt more relaxed now. Maybe it was time for a nap.

Donna had left when he woke up again from a nurse pulling a little on his gown. She smiled apologetically.

"You slept for three hours. She got tired of waiting." Harvey said with a smile. "She told you to have a good night and to give you a kiss. That's not going to happen though."

"Is she going to come back?" Mike wanted to know.

"Of course she is." Harvey said but didn't specify when.

"What about you?" Mike asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Will you leave too?"

"Why would you think that?"

Mike shrugged but Harvey would let him off the hook. "Mike? Why would you think that I would leave you?"

"I don't know." He weakly said. He didn't like the turn this conversation had taken.

"No, I think we need to talk about this." Harvey said. "Obviously this is a big deal to you. We always come back to this."

Mike didn't know what to answer. He didn't feel up for defending himself, or explaining himself to Harvey. Surely he knew what Mike's problem was? He didn't want to die alone. How hard was that to get?

"Look, I'm sorry I left earlier okay. I'm really sorry about that Mike. I feel really guilty about not being here when you were sick and all, but Donna was here. You weren't alone."

"Oh…" Mike sighed when he understand Harvey's point of view.

"Just talk to me, kid." Harvey said.

"So you are not going to leave me alone right? I know it's a lot but not like this, not now."

"Absolutely not. We won't leave you at all. In fact you will probably never be left alone ever again."

Mike had a feeling that Harvey was trying making a joke, but it wasn't funny at the moment. And Harvey had said we. He said that we wouldn't leave him alone, not I.

"It's just…" He paused. He didn't know how to continue. Why did everything have to be so hard all of a sudden?

"Just what Mike?" Harvey said. "You can tell me."

"I'm scared." He breathed then, because he really, really was. He almost felt like he didn't want to move out of fright that it would upset his heart somehow. He had been told that he needed to stay calm. They had implied that if he got upset or something his heart would be stressed and bad things might happen. That was incredibly stressful and left him stressed and scared about getting stressed.

"Okay…" Harvey said slowly.

"I'm scared of dying…without you here."

"Mike…"

"So I guess what I'm asking is if you just could stay, in case that happens."

"I can do that."

"It just that if I die, I want you to be there." He quieted and looked at Harvey.

Harvey held out a hand that he placed along Mike's face.

"I will be here." He whispered. "I'm going to be here if that were to happen Mike. And you know, if I thought that there was a possibility that it was going to happen I would never leave you."

Mike nodded.

"I have sort of accepted that it might happen, or that it is likely to happen, but I don't to fear it like I do now. But if you are there with me then…" He didn't want to finish, besides Harvey looked like he got it because he nodded.

"I don't want you to be scared Mike. That kills me to know that you are. I want you to tell me whenever you are and I will do whatever I can to make you feel better."

"I will."

"That's good."

Mike took a deep breath and exhaled. He actually felt a bit better. Harvey was so great. He told Harvey that.

"Are you on morphine again?" Harvey smirked. "You are great too kid." He then said. "Mind if we watch some TV?"

And they did. Mike felt relaxed and almost happy. He didn't feel like he was dying anymore. He felt pretty good. Just from that one conversation he had with Harvey. The older man joked and commentated on the show they were watching and when Mike was about to fall asleep Harvey nudged him and told him to "Check this throw out!" It was something about baseball.

"Are you going to sleep as well?" Mike asked as his last doctor's appointment for the evening was done with.

"Yeah sure." Harvey said absentmindedly, he had his phone in his hands.

"You better, we wouldn't want you to pass out again."

Mike smirked as Harvey almost dropped his phone.

"What? Who told you that?"

"You need to take it easy Harvey. You're not so young anymore."

"Oh shut up! Who are you to talk about passing out? I distinctively remember that time when you face planted on the doorstep."

"Yeah, alright. You win." Mike groaned.

"No, you win. In fainting."

Mike glared at his boss and chose to say nothing. He didn't have any nightmares that night and slept without disturbances the entire night, well except for being woken up twice by his night nurse that wanted some blood from him among other things. Harvey had managed to get himself a small cot put into Mike's room so that he was able to sleep quite comfortably as well.

A couple of more days past without anything happening to him. Mike gradually started to feel a little better. His breathing improved as well as his body strength. After three days he was able to sit up without any support. The test results had been rather positive considering what had happened to him. His doctors were still concerned and wasn't really prepared to let him go home just yet but they told him to give it a few more days, then maybe they would let him leave. If he followed all of their rules that was. He was kept under close watch as it was now, with several checkups, tests and doctors visits each day.

Eating turned out to be a problem for him yet again. They wanted him to be able to eat satisfyingly before he left but his body did not agree with that. The first time he tried some yoghurt he got violently ill about thirty minutes later. It was not pleasant.

He was still very tired all the time and could only stay awake a couple of hours before needing a nap. Getting out of bed was out of the question. He wasn't able to walk at all. That was a bit scary, so he tried not to think about it too much.

His treatment was put on hold for now since they didn't think he would be able to handle it at this point. He was also not allowed more than two visitors at the time, since it might be too stressful for him. Mike didn't care as long as Harvey was there.

Sometime he felt embarrassed about needing Harvey this much, but mostly he tried to ignore that as well. Harvey hadn't said anything about it, instead he was very supportive and stayed with him almost all the time. Someone was always there with him, even when he slept. If Harvey had to go home or something he always made sure that either Donna or sometimes Rachel kept him company. Once when he woke up from a nap Jessica was sitting in a corner reading one of Harvey's old magazines.

"Oh, you are awake. Are you alright? Can I get you something?" She said when he coughed a little, mostly to let her know that he was awake. He wanted to know what she was doing there but didn't want to sound rude, so he just shook his head.

"Harvey had to head into the office for a while, so I'm just here until he comes back." She explained.

"Oh, okay." Mike said. "Thanks."

"I'm glad that you are doing better." She said and studied him.

Mike nodded a little and thanked her again. He squirmed a bit contemplating on if he would fake sleep or not until Harvey returned.

"Harvey said that you like being read to." Jessica told him next. "Would you like me to do that?"

And that was how Mike ended up having Jessica Pearson read him four articles from a magazine until Harvey stepped into the room and started laughing and said that Mike was capable of reading his own newspapers. Jessica said that she had a special letter of termination that she had drafted for Harvey that he could bring to the hospital and read to Mike instead. Harvey stopped laughing then.

-SUITS-

Mike thought that he was ready to go home now and Harvey was inclined to agree with him. The kid seemed to be much better now. It had been a week and a half since the incident that landed Mike in here and there had been a lot of improvements. They were all very worried about Mike's heart and checked it every day, among other things. Harvey had to admire Mike's patience with all the nurses and doctors that wanted to poke at him, have him do this or that. Mike didn't seem to mind though. But the kid wanted to go home as did Harvey. If Mike needed to be here longer, fine, but sleeping in his own bed would be great as well.

As another few days past Harvey began to notice that Mike's mood started to change. He was getting anxious and restless. He started to sleep less, wanting to stay awake. He got more annoyed at the nurses when they wanted to take his blood pressure or brought him his medication or lunch.

"What's with you?" Harvey exclaimed after Mike had a small outburst at nurse for failing to do her job as quickly as Mike wanted her too.

"They never leave me alone." Mike muttered and Harvey rolled his eyes at him. "I just want to get out of here now."

"You do understand that Mike can't be left alone at this point. He's in a state of needing round the clock care. So if you want to bring him home at this point I need to be sure that he is going to receive the help that he needs." Mike's doctor said when Harvey brought up the possibility of them going home.

"I can assure you that he will." Harvey said.

"And how will you make that happen Mr. Spector?" the doctor pressed on.

"I'll be there with him. And so will Donna. And his other friends."

"And how will you be able to be there for him 24/7?"

"What do you want me to say? I can't just leave him here when he doesn't want to be here."

"He has a severe heart problem, if I say he needs to be here he needs to be here. But you can always hire someone to help you. I do recommend you to do that."

Harvey nodded. "Sure I can do that." Maybe that was a good idea. Mike probably wouldn't think so, but he didn't have a say in this question.

It was decided that Mike was allowed to go home in two days. Mike seemed to light up a bit at those news. However when the day came he seemed to be nervous. That didn't help when the doctor came and held a lecture where he warned Mike about doing anything at all that might strain his heart. He had a long list of things he advised Mike not to do and also one of what he had to do. They also warned about that Mike's heart was in a much weakened state and that something like what happened causing him ended up here might happen again at any time and they needed to be prepared.

As they waited for a wheelchair to take them to Ray and the car Mike expressed his doubts, and maybe it was stupid for him to leave?

"What if…?"

"You will be fine." Harvey assured him.

-SUITS-

I hope you liked this chapter. I find it to be somewhat slow but it was time for an update! I think the next one will be a bit more dramatic. Hopefully you won't have to wait as long for that one.

I love your reviews! If you have any ideas of what you think should happen, let me know.

And also, 50 chapters with more then 328 000 words, didn't think that would happen :p