Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

55. Chapter 55 - and go

Chapter 55 - … and go.

Harvey could feel how Mike's hand got slack in his own and his finger that had been stroking his hand stilled. Harvey squeezed it a bit harder, not wanting to let go. He wanted Mike to wake up again, he truly did, but he couldn't bring himself to wake him. He drew his hand over his face to get rid of the moisture that was there. He had kind of lost it a little bit. The way Mike had asked those questions had just been too much. Then Mike had thanked him. Thanked him for everything. For a second Harvey had wanted to scream at him. Scream and rage at him to make him stop talking like that. But he had gone the opposite way and started crying. They both had.

But now Mike was sleeping and Harvey had time to collect himself. Sometimes he didn't feel equipped to handle all of this. How was he supposed to react to the news that Mike needed heart surgery if he was to survive? He didn't want to hear those words. He couldn't lose Mike. He just couldn't. Mike was a part of him now. Family, like a son or a brother.

Harvey just sat there, holding on to Mike. He didn't feel all that well himself. He hadn't in a while now. He knew that this affected him more than he let on. He felt all shaky now and kind of dizzy. He had mentioned it to Donna once after she had asked how he was about seven times in a row. She thought it might be stress. She was probably right. But it wasn't much he could do about that right now.

"Excuse me." A doctor had entered the room without Harvey hearing it. She had a nurse with her and they both came around the other side of the bed.

"Don't wake him." Harvey forced out. "He just fell asleep."

"We will try not to." She said and smiled at him.

"I can see that you are taking care of him." She nodded towards his and Mike's intertwined hand. Harvey jerked a little, but didn't let go.

"One thing that I have always found interesting is that patients stress levels decreases when they are surrounded by people that care about them." She continued.

"It allows their brains to relax, because when you are alone your brain becomes stressed because it thinks that it needs to solve all the problems at hand by itself. When someone is alone the brain is very active, not in just one part but everywhere. But when trusted people are there, the brain can relax and save its energy." She paused as she handed the nurse something.

"And also physical contact is a great way to let the brain know that it can relax. Something as simple as holding hands can be extremely comforting. It signals the brain that the problems will be solved together with the loved one, not alone." She smiled again and lightly stroked Mike's shoulder.

Harvey could only nod. It felt like this wasn't really something new for him, he had heard it sometime before, but he could agree on that it was true. Mike's reactions of when he was close by confirmed it. And it was actually scientifically proven. He should tell Donna that.

"I'll just sit here then." Harvey said as the hospital staff left after promising someone would be by shortly again.

The doctor had been right when she said that someone would be there shortly, people came and went at least every thirty minutes. The third time they woke Mike up to have him do some test. Harvey noticed the worried looks they threw each other, but when he asked they just smiled sympathetically at him.

Mike didn't say much just fell asleep again after they left. He woke later and complained of pains in his chest. He was quiet and pale and Harvey could see how he clenched his jaw and tried to lay as still as possible. It ended a few hours later with Mike being sedated and Harvey was told that Mike would be out for at least eight hours so Harvey could head home if he wanted. After being reassured that he would be notified as soon as something happened Harvey decided to head home for a while. He called Donna and she promised to go to hospital in six hours to sit with Mike. Just in case. He would join her later. He just needed to think about something else and to get away for a little while. He headed over to the gym and two hours later he had exhausted himself enough to when he got home he went straight to sleep.

The next day when he arrived in Mike's room Donna was sitting next to the bed reading a magazine while Mike slept.

"Oh, hi! He hasn't woken up yet." Donna greeted him.

"Good. Thanks for sitting with him Donna."

"Harvey, don't thank me. I'm happy to do it. Don't thank me. I just wish he will wake up soon. I'd like to talk to him a bit before I have to leave."

"I don't know about that." Harvey sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"It's better that he just sleeps."

Donna just looked at him for a moment before turning her attention back to Mike's sleeping form. Harvey watched him too.

"It's bad now right?" Donna whispered suddenly.

"Yes. It's bad."

"But he is still holding on. He is still fighting Harvey. He can still make it through this. He just got to hang on."

"What kind of life is this though?" Harvey found himself saying not able to look away from Mike's face.

"Harvey?" He looked up and Donna looked at him with wide eyes.

"I know it's a terrible thing to say, but you weren't there yesterday. They had to sedate him because he was in so much pain." He swallowed painfully regretting his words at Donna's expression.

"We had a talk yesterday Mike and I." He continued. "He wanted to know that I wouldn't blame him if he couldn't beat this. And after I said I wouldn't he thanked me. For everything."

"Oh Harvey." Donna smiled sadly at him. "It's good that you talked. You both needed that."

Harvey looked down again and observed how the contours of Mike's face got blurry. He just waited until the moisture had dried out a bit. Neither of them talked. But then Harvey drew a deep breath and gave Donna a smile.

"You are right, you know." He said. "He is still here. He is still fighting and that's all that matters at the moment. We'll just take it one day at the time."

"Of course."

"He's scared Donna. And so am I."

"Me too, Harvey."

Mike woke up two hours later. By that time Donna had left and Harvey was utterly bored.

"Hi kid." He said as he saw how Mike's eyes fluttered open. He made no attempt of answering or even looking towards Harvey. He was just blankly looking up at the ceiling while taking some shuttering breaths.

"You okay? Do you need me to call someone?" Harvey tried but didn't get a reaction to that either, so he just pushed the call button anyway. Mike was checked out and they rose his bed a bit and adjusted his pillows. Harvey helped him to drink a bit of water when they were alone again.

"Thanks." Mike whispered when he was done and Harvey removed the glass from his lips.

"I'm so dizzy…" Mike mumbled and closed his eyes again.

"Okay. Try and get some more sleep then." Harvey reluctantly told him. He wished Mike was well enough to be awake for longer than five minutes so they could talk or something. That wasn't the case now.

Mike was even worse the next time he woke up. He pressed both of his hands to his chest and grimaced in pain. Two minutes after Harvey had pushed the button, a nurse had come and went again and Mike was out.

The entire day was spent like that. Mike would only wake for short periods of times, sometimes woken by nurses or doctors. They took him on a test and when they rolled him back into the room and moved him back on the bed Mike had tears in his eyes when he was left alone. Harvey moved closer to him.

"Hey…hey… It's okay." He said and took Mike's hand in his. "You can get some rest now. I'm sure they won't bother you for some time now."

Mike made a sound that was something between a laugh and a moan. "Right."

"I'll throw them out." Harvey promised.

"Good." Mike then screwed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath. Harvey felt how he tensed.

"It's okay." He mumbled again. Mostly just to have something to say. Mike wasn't really okay. His breaths came out a bit too hard and shuddering. Harvey didn't like it at all. One nurse from earlier had mentioned something about Mike's breathing but he had heard so much information so he didn't really remember what it was now. He cursed himself for not listening better.

They sat like that a few minutes, neither of them talking much. Mike had his eyes open now and was staring blankly in front of him.

"I can breathe." Mike whispered brokenly then and Harvey held his hand harder. On impulse he put his other hand on Mike's chest that was moving rapidly up and down.

"Try and slow down. Just try it."

"I can't Harvey."

"Yes you can. You can do anything you want Mike. I know you."

It was just words but to Harvey's surprise Mike seemed to be listening because a few minutes later his breathing had improved slightly. A couple of more minutes later Mike's grip on Harvey's hand lessened.

"Good job." Harvey told him and patted his chest a little. Mike didn't answer.

The next time a nurse came by she called a doctor and Mike got a nasal cannula inserted to help with his breathing.

Harvey kept his seat next to Mike and only left shortly to get something to eat. Donna came over after work to keep them company for a while. She sent greetings from the others at the firm that cheered Mike up a bit. Harvey and Donna had discussed the possibility of the others coming over together with a doctor, but it had been decided that they should wait with that for now. However Harvey and Donna had decided that one of them should always be there. Donna came when Harvey needed to leave for some reason.

The days floated into each other. Mike was still in a really bad condition. He slept a lot and didn't have energy to do anything at all when he was awake. Harvey tried his best to engage him in conversation but Mike mostly just laid in bed blinking slowly up at him.

Five days past in a blur from the day that they had been told that Mike needed another operation. Harvey had been home three times in those days, and that had mostly been to shower and get fresh clothes.

It was late at night and Mike was in too much pain to be able to sleep. The pain medication he was on didn't seem to help him much. Harvey had already decided to have a talk about that the next morning with Mike's doctor. For now he was trying to distract Mike from it but wasn't that successful, he was too exhausted himself. He was sitting close enough to Mike's bed so that he was able to have his elbow on the bed so that he could lean his head in his hand. The other hand held loosely on to Mike's. Harvey was struggling to keep his eyes open when Mike spoke.

"Am I dying?" he asked.

Harvey sat up then and took Mike's hand in both of his. He lifted it up and down a few times to buy some time.

"I don't think you are." He said slowly.

"Okay." Mike said. He fell asleep two hours later and Harvey could finally get some sleep of his own.

He woke up from someone shouting. He drunkenly sat up and jerked a little when he saw that there were at least six people in the room, and another one coming inside to join the others around Mike.

Harvey was on his feet in seconds and did his best to push himself in between the others.

"What's going o…" He froze at the sight of Mike. He was laying flat on his back with his eyes closed, a nurse was holding his head while a doctor was inserting a tube down his throat. They were talking rapidly among them but Harvey couldn't distinguish a single word they were saying. Mike's shirt were cut in two and his chest was exposed. It was barely moving. That was all he had time to see before someone grabbed his arm and he was pushed out of the way, then dragged out of the room. The nurse in front of him put a hand on his chest as she spoke to him. He couldn't hear her. She disappeared back into the room and Harvey just stayed where he was with his eyes glued to the shut door. He didn't know how much time passed, but people rushed in and out of the room, no one bothering to even look at him.

Finally a doctor came up to him. She had a soda in one hand and pushed it into his and told him to drink it. He did.

"Mike is still alive, Mr. Spector." She was saying. "His heart momentarily stopped, but we got him back again. He is intubated and sedated as we speak and will remain that way. It's not looking good. I suggest you get his friends and family here." She asked if he had any questions but he just shook his head. She squeezed his arm and told him to wait right where he was.

Harvey texted Donna and told her to get the others and come to the hospital. Some time passed and then his phone rang.

"Yes." He answered.

"Oh Harvey I'm so sorry. I was sleeping and my phone was on silent. I'm on my way now. Is he okay? Is he alive? Harvey are you there?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm here. He is alive."

"I called the others. They will come too. I'll see you soon Harvey."

He nodded and hung up. He just sat there then.

Donna arrived. Then Louis and Rachel and lastly Jessica. They asked him what happened but all he could offer up was "His heart stopped." Mostly they sat in silence.

A doctor came and spoke to them told them that Mike was still sedated but they could sit with him a while now. Harvey just stood up and went inside followed by Donna. Mike looked awful. A machine was currently keeping him alive. Donna was openly crying. Harvey sat stiffly on a chair watching the kid. He didn't know what to say to comfort her. She stroke his back a little and left after a while. Rachel came inside, then Jessica and finally Louis.

Rachel sat down on a chair and leaned close to Mike and whispered to him. Jessica stroke Mike's hand a little. "I'm so sorry Harvey." she said and then left. Louis was pale and didn't dare to touch Mike. He did speak to Mike though and Harvey fought the urge to tell him that Mike couldn't hear him. However he remained quiet.

After Louis left Harvey was alone with Mike for a few minutes before the door opened again and Donna stepped inside. She leaned down and kissed Mike's cheek before turning to Harvey.

"Harvey? How are you doing?"

He shrugged his shoulders after a moment. He felt empty.

"Do you want to talk?"

"About what?"

"Mike. How you are feeling? Anything." She was standing next to him and had put a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know what to say Donna."

She didn't answer, just waited, so he continued.

"He asked me last night if he was dying and I said I didn't think so. That was the last thing we spoke about."

"He might pull through. His heart is still beating."

"Yeah, but he can't breathe on his own."

"Don't lose hope Harvey."

"I won't Donna." His voice sounded strange even to himself.

Donna gave him a quick hug. "The others are still here. They are waiting outside and said they won't leave until there is news."

Harvey smiled a little and felt suddenly immensely grateful for the three people outside.

Both Harvey and Donna startled when they suddenly heard a gurgling sound from Mike. They flew up and leaned over him. Mike stirred and made a low sound and his body jerked a bit. The next moment the door flew up and three people rushed inside, Harvey and Donna were pushed outside. They held on to each other and stared at the door. Louis, Rachel and Jessica came up to them as well and they all waited.

Mike's doctor Lundin came to speak to them twenty minutes later.

"Mike woke up." He said. "He is awake at the moment but not really aware of his surroundings or what is going on. He is in bad condition to say the least. But I'm carefully optimistic at this point. He is really fighting for his life right now."

He proceeded in talking about Mike's heart, his values and the fact that they were going to take him on some test when he got a bit stronger. At least it was talk about him getting stronger. Harvey dared to hope for a little while.

"Can we see him?" Donna asked.

"No, I'm sorry we can't have a lot of people running around here. That's a no. Harvey, you can stay since I think it will do Mike more damage if you are not here. He needs you more than ever, but the rest of you, I'm afraid that you won't be allowed in to see him."

No one spoke when Dr. Lundin was finished. Not even Donna, she was holding and arm around Rachel's, who was silently crying. Harvey looked at them for a moment before following the doctor into Mike's room. He felt truly scared of what he was going to meet.

Mike had his eyes opened but didn't look like he was aware of much just like they had been told. Dr. Lundin tried to speak to him but Mike didn't react. Harvey tried as well but with the same result.

"I think he knows we are here. As you can see he is still intubated. We don't think it would be a good idea to get him off it at the moment. We are monitoring him closely. If he shows signs of improvement he will get rid of it, however we are considering to sedate him at the moment. It might give his body some time to relax."

Harvey just nodded. He felt so subdued. He didn't feel like himself. He was just numb with worry.

"I know this is incredibly hard, Harvey." The doctor said as if he could read his mind. "I just thought that if Mike gets more aware it will help to have a familiar face here for him. You that is."

"Yeah." Harvey said weakly.

"We are doing all we can for Mike. But at this point we just have to wait and see."

Harvey nodded and a while later he was alone with Mike again. Or at least for a few minutes.

"Mike?" he tried talking to the kid, held his hand, stroke his cheek carefully, but he didn't get a response. "It's okay. I'm here with you. Just keep fighting Mike. I know you can do it. I'm here."

He kept talking, repeating those words even after Mike's eyes closed. Mike was indeed sedated an hour later. They would keep him sleeping for a few days now to let him rest. Rest from being awake. Harvey went out and told the others. Donna hugged him in front of Louis and everyone, but he didn't care and just hugged her back and allowed himself to bury his face against her hair for a moment. He felt a tiny bit better then. The others went home but Harvey stayed.

It was probably the worst few days of Harvey's life. He was like in a trans. He spent the days sitting in that damn chair and slept on the small cot at the side of Mike's bed at night. He slept poorly and often woke from terrible nightmares in which Mike never woke up again.

He knew that Donna was worried about him, but he didn't care that much about that. He didn't know how long he could take this. The not knowing if Mike was going to wake up again. He sat mostly in silence next to Mike, but spoke to him sometimes when they were alone.

On the fourth day they lessened Mike's mediation and he woke up later that evening. Harvey couldn't help but laugh and shed a tear when Mike's eyes opened again after all of those days and managed to lock eyes with Harvey.

"It's so good to see you." He whispered, and he was pretty sure that Mike smiled a little at him. It was hard to see behind the oxygen mask he was wearing. He had gotten rid of the tub the day before. Mike's fingers twitched a little and Harvey took his hand in his. The fingers twitched again and weakly squeezed Harvey's hand.

"You scared the shit out of me." But Mike was sleeping again.

Amazingly Mike was better the next day. He woke up around noon and stayed awake for almost thirty minutes after being given pain relief. He was more aware and answered the doctor's questions. And Harvey's.

For a while Harvey couldn't help but feel at a loss of what to talk about, but then proceeded to tell Mike about the well wishes he had received from the others. They still wasn't allowed to visit, but Harvey had spoken to them on the phone.

Two more days passed. Mike was closely monitored and tested. Donna was allowed in and Harvey went home for the first time in almost a week. It was a good thing that he did because when he looked at himself in mirror he got a shock. He looked awful with dark circles around his eyes, messy hair and the beginning of a beard. He couldn't do much about the dark circles but an hour in the bathroom fixed the rest.

-SUITS-

Time was a weird concept for Mike at the moment. He had trouble keeping up. Or actually he seemed to have trouble with everything. The only thing that he currently was good at was sleeping. When he slept everything was okay and he didn't have to think about anything, but being awake was another matter. Actually he preferred sleeping. He slept a dreamless sleep, maybe drug induced? He wasn't aware of how much time that had passed between the times of being awake. It was like he was just blinking, but he somewhat understood that time had passed when he opened his eyes again.

He knew that this probably would scare him enormously if he had been more awake. It did scare him, all of it, but it was like the fear was a mist lingering constantly in the back of his mind but not reaching the surface. That was a good thing he decided. It was better that it stayed back there and didn't reach all of him. Maybe he would die if it did.

He knew that he was dying. He could feel it.

Better not think about that.

Harvey was there every time he blinked. Harvey spoke to him and he did his best in trying to answer. Once when he opened his eyes he almost didn't recognize that it was Harvey. He kind of looked like another person. A stressed and disheveled person. A sort of person that Harvey wouldn't like if he saw him.

But next time he blinked Harvey had looked like himself again and Mike wasn't sure if maybe he had dreamt it after all. Donna was there too sometimes. He liked that. She was always so kind and comforting. Harvey comforted him too. He was in pain sometimes and Harvey would hold his hand then and tell him to breath and other helpful things.

There was a lot of doctors and nurses around him as well. They were all very confusing. He had trouble keeping them apart from each other. They asked him a lot of questions, touched him, and wanted him to do different things. Sometimes he didn't want to do them, and mostly they would let him of the hook then.

"It's not good if he gets upset." He heard someone say to Harvey. Weird.

He was in a lot of pain sometimes after he blinked. That wasn't nice at all and things were moving so much faster around him then which made him feel dizzy. Mostly they did something that made him feel really good shortly after the very bad. A wonderful feeling spread in him for a short period of time and then he felt all weird and a little happy. He spoke more then and Harvey would get a little amused wrinkle next to his eyes and would answer Mike, whatever he said. That was kind of cool.

His doctor came by one time to talk to him. He said a lot of things that didn't sound very good. He was talking about an operation again. They just had to wait a little longer for some reason.

"Nooo…" Mike mumbled. He didn't want to get an operation.

"You don't want to wait?" Harvey asked with raised eyebrows.

"Noo…not that." Mike mumbled. He had been too slow.

"Not what?" Harvey asked him.

It should probably bother him more that he wasn't really able to follow in the conversation. But he had trouble caring enough about that.

He woke up sometime later. He had some trouble breathing in deeply again and he was in a lot of pain. It wouldn't go away. Harvey was there with him as usual. They were holding hands. He really liked when Harvey did that. It felt so comforting and it was good to be able to focus on something when the pain got too much. His heart was beating so hard in his chest that it felt like his whole body was moving with the force of it, but he didn't think that was the case. Something was definitely wrong though.

"I'm I dying?" He had to ask Harvey then because maybe he knew. But Harvey said that he didn't think so. That was good. He closed his eyes again and waited. Eventually his heart slowed down a little again and he was able to fall asleep.

He woke up from his heart beating so hard that it was painful. Fear engulfed him and he searched around for the call button. He pushed it and tried to stay still. He tried to talk but couldn't draw in enough air to get sounds out. He could feel himself shaking. Someone was next to him.

No.

He knew what was happening with him now. His heart was about to stop.

The next thing he knew he was dreaming. He didn't know about what though. He was floating in nothingness. He could hear voices in the background. Someone was there and they were talking. Was it Harvey?

He wanted to reply. He wanted to move. He wanted to open his eyes. He couldn't do either of those things. All he could do was float there and wait.

Eventually something changed and the darkness that had been pressing around him lessened. He could open his eyes again. It was really hard doing so, but he managed. It was all that he had energy to do. He couldn't move anything else. Awareness returned to his body and the first thing he felt was something that was in his throat. Something we preventing him to breath. He couldn't do anything to get it out. He tried to scream and move or anything, but he couldn't!

Someone was touching him and talking to him, but he couldn't turn his head to see who it was. Everything got dark again.

Things were slightly better the next time he was awake. Something was over his mouth but not in his throat this time. That was an improvement. He had some more ability to move as well. Even better the next time. He knew where he was as well, and he knew that Harvey was there. He could talk again too. His voice sounded awful and he had to try a few times before he managed to get out the first words. Harvey talked a lot to him. Mike tried to listen but it was pretty hard. Besides it didn't sound that important.

Donna was there as well then. Sometimes he could only see her. He was too weak to worry about where Harvey was then. But Harvey was there every time he really needed him. Harvey looked a bit changed the next time he saw him. He didn't know what it was, but it was something.

"Harvey."

"Mike."

He didn't know what else to say. Harvey looked at him questioningly. "You good?" Harvey asked and Mike nodded.

"No pain?"

Mike shook his head.

"How is the breathing?"

"Okay."

This was the normal questions he had to answer now, almost every time he woke.

Two minutes later he threw up all over himself and it was if something broke inside him then. It was so sudden that he surprised himself. He just panicked. Suddenly everything just hit him out of nowhere. A flood of emotions overwhelmed him and he didn't know what to do with himself. He burst and everything came out in form of crying, a little screaming and panting. He tried to push the nurses that tried to help him get out his gown out of the way. He screamed at them, hit around himself. He didn't want them near him.

Strong hands gripped around his wrist and someone screamed his name right into his face. It was Harvey of course.

"God kid! Calm down! Calm the hell down Mike!" Harvey pressed his hands down and gripped his shoulders instead. "What's wrong? Talk to me!"

"Nooo.." Mike yelled. "Let me go! I don't want to."

"What don't you want? Just tell me and I will help you."

"Nooo…" Mike moaned as he tried to catch his breath. He sobbed a little.

"Okay. Okay. Okay." Harvey said. Then he just pulled Mike towards his chest and held him close. Mike was pressed against him and couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He pushed against Harvey that eased up his hold a little, but didn't let him get away. Mike found himself crying against Harvey's shoulder for a few minutes. Then he let them help him change. He felt awful and embarrassed and was still crying.

"It's alright. That's enough freaking out okay. You are giving me gray hairs like this you know. Just relax. It will be better soon. You will feel better soon." Harvey was babbling next to him.

A nurse wiped his face, he couldn't meet her eyes.

"You have to take it easy Mike. You can't freak out like that." Harvey continued while the nurse fixed his pillow under his head.

"I did…didn't mean it."

Harvey nodded a little. "I know. I'm sorry."

Mike turned his head away from him and cried a bit more. He just couldn't stop at the moment.

"Oh, kid. Come on." Harvey said kindly. "I know everything sucks."

"Yes it does."

"Okay…" Harvey said slowly. "Do you want me to lay next to you for a bit?" He offered then.

"Yes…"

"Okay. Good. I'll just… we need to move you a little bit to the side." Eventually Harvey climbed up next to him on the bed. Mike groaned when Harvey lifted his head a bit and quickly slid his arm under him. He then pulled Mike against him and rested his chin on top of Mike's head. He then shushed him a little.

"You are okay now." He said firmly and Mike forced himself to relax. He actually felt better like this. Like Harvey was protecting him from all the shit that was happening to him. He fell asleep like that.

-SUITS-

Harvey could feel how Mike's body in his arms slowly relaxed more and more, and when he shifted a bit Mike didn't stir. He let out a deep sigh. Shit! That had been exhausting. He hadn't had any idea of what to do when Mike suddenly became totally hysterical from one second to the next. But he had fixed it and now he felt pretty proud of himself.

He still couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed when a nurse stepped inside and stopped in surprise when she saw Harvey on the bed as well.

"I thought it would help." Harvey muttered.

"Of course." She smiled. "It seems like it did. Good thinking. Hugs can be effective with panic attacks."

"Yeah."

He stayed a few hours on Mike's bed, but then got a cramp in his arm and had a nurse help him lift Mike of him. The kid thankfully didn't wake up.

When he did he tried to apologize for his earlier behavior but Harvey just told him to shut up.

"Don't worry about it. I don't care Mike."

"But I…"

Harvey shook his head. "It's forgotten."

"Okay then."

Things really changed from day to day now. The day that followed Mike seemed better and he received a visit from Rachel. But the day after he was in horrible pain again and was drugged up so that he was pretty out of it for the rest of the day.

He was incredibly tired the next day as a result of the heavy medication. He was taken for a test that took so long that Harvey started to worry as he waited in Mike's room. Donna was there that day and was currently in the cafeteria to buy them something to eat.

Harvey turned towards the door when it opened expecting to see Mike being rolled in, but it was just Dr. Lundin. Harvey's felt himself tense when he saw the expression on the other man's face.

"Harvey." He said. "I'm just here to inform you that we are taking Mike in for emergency surgery right now."

"What?" Harvey stared at him as he tried to gather his thoughts to understand what he just had been told. "What do you mean surgery? You said that you were going to wait until he was stronger."

"I know I said that but the situation has changed after we saw the latest test results and we need to do this now. If we do it now he might have a chance."

"But you said he wasn't strong enough before and that he wouldn't make it through an operation. Now you are saying that…" Harvey was interrupted. He knew he was repeating himself, but this couldn't be happening now. He wasn't ready.

"And now I'm saying that if we don't do this now you will have to say goodbye to him within the next few days." The doctor said firmly.

Harvey felt himself go cold but at the same time sweaty. He swallowed hard and nodded.

"Yeah, okay I understand."

"We are preparing the OR for him as we speak. You are welcome to sit with him until we are finished. I can take you to him right now."

Harvey nodded again, his mouth dry. He shakily stood up. The doctor put a hand on his arm.

"You should say what you need to him. His chances are not good. We will do our best of course, but…there are risks as you know."

"I need to get Donna." Harvey said with a hoarse voice suddenly remembering that she was at the hospital too. The doctor nodded, told Harvey where to find Mike and hurried away along the corridor. Harvey went to search for his secretary as a million thoughts were running through his head but he just tried to force them away and focusing on searching for Donna.

He found her a few minutes later in line at the cafeteria. He took her by the arm and started to head back where he came from.

"Harvey, what are you doing?" she protested.

"It's Mike. He is having the surgery now."

"What? But why? They said he isn't strong enough yet."

"He isn't going to be strong enough without it." they were still walking, but Donna ripped out of Harvey's grip when he said this.

"What are you saying Harvey?"

"I'm saying that if they don't do it now, he will die within the next few days."

"Oh god." Donna put a hand over her mouth, tears appearing in her eyes.

"Donna, we get to talk to him before the operation. We have to go."

She nodded and pushed past him, he followed.

A nurse stopped them outside the room Mike was in.

"We are almost finished for him. I'm afraid you only have a few minutes."

They both nodded and Harvey felt nervous when they stepped into the room. It was a strange feeling to be nervous about talking to Mike. It was still Mike, but the situation was so serious.

Mike was laying on the bed supported by a few pillows. He had an oxygen mask on. He was connected to so many wires that even Donna hesitated next to him, not knowing where to touch him. It looked like he was sleeping, he had his eyes closed.

"Harvey?" Donna whispered and he realized that he was just standing there. He joined her next to the bed. Donna leaned down closer to Mike. "Mike, sweetie?" She whispered as she stroke his arm. They watched as his eyes blinked opened. His hand went up to the oxygen mask, but Donna gently stopped him.

"Leave that alone, Mike." She stroke his cheek and kept her hand on his arm. Mike tiredly blinked and tried to focus his gaze on her. "Hey." Donna whispered when he succeeded.

He tried to talk, Harvey could see his lips moving, but nothing came out.

"It's okay Mike. We are here. Harvey is here too."

"Yes, I am." Harvey said and moved closer. "Do you know what's going on Mike?" he asked.

Mike nodded a little. "Op...Operation." He whispered.

"Yeah, that's right. They are going to do the operation now. They thought that was going to be better this way."

Mike did no attempt in trying to look towards him, and Harvey wasn't even sure if he had gotten what he had just said. He carefully laid his hand on Mike's cheek and turned his face against him.

"Hey." He whispered when Mike's eyes finally met his. However Mike couldn't hold his gaze for long. Harvey wasn't sure if Mike was really aware. It took way too long. Harvey spoke when Mike held his gaze again.

"You know it's going to be fine, right?" Harvey calmly said. "You are going to be fine and Donna and I will wait for you. We will see you after you are done. You can do this."

Mike was staring unseeingly up in front of him, showing in no way that he had heard what Harvey said.

"What Harvey is saying Mike, sweetie, is that we love you. And that we are here for you." Donna didn't bother to wipe her tears away.

Mike looked at her then. His eyes were shiny and his lips moved again. But then he just moved his hand a little and Donna took it in hers.

"Oh sweetie." She whispered and brought his hand up and kissed it.

Mike moved his gaze toward Harvey then and they locked eyes. Harvey forced himself to smile and nodded a little. He then laid his hand on Mike's bony shoulder and squeezed a little. Mike blinked slowly in acceptance. And that was all the time they got because the door opened behind them and two people in scrubs stepped inside and started to prepare to move Mike's bed.

Harvey and Donna followed as long as they were allowed. Mike had his eyes closed and Harvey wanted to yell at him to open them again. But then he was gone.

"Oh god." Donna turned against him and started to cry, he hugged her and willed his own tears away. Was that the last time he saw Mike alive? He hugged her harder.

What followed were ten hours of an excruciating wait. They were showed to a small room where they could sit in private. When Donna had gathered herself she had called all the others and Louis, Rachel and Jessica showed up one at the time. They waited mostly in silence.

A few hours in the door opened again and to Harvey's surprise Adam stepped inside the room. Nodded towards Harvey and sat down on the couch closest to the door. Harvey nodded back and couldn't help but smile. He felt kind of touch towards the nurse for showing up.

Harvey couldn't believe where he was right now. This was it. If they succeeded with this operation Mike might still have a chance to continue to fight. If they didn't succeed Mike would be gone.

He had to take a deep breath and clenched his teeth so hard together it almost hurt. He couldn't bare that thought. Mike couldn't die. Harvey didn't know what he would do if that happened. If that door opened and someone told them that Mike didn't make it. He immediately started to dread the fact of the door opening.

His mind flooded with images of Mike. Not just from the latest time but also from before. From the first time he met Mike. Their first case, the first time Mike was in court. The first time Mike found evidence that made their case. They way Mike wanted to fist bump with him and how he eventually had agreed to it. He thought about the secret that they still shared, not many people knew. He hadn't thought about that in a long time. He didn't care about that now. It was nothing compared to Mike's illness. He also thought about other things. Like when Mike's grandmother had died and they had gotten high together. It had been a good night. He had really enjoyed himself. Oh how he wished for more night like this. He just wanted this whole thing to be over. If it just was over he would make sure they had thousand more of night like those. Maybe not involving weed. It wouldn't be that healthy.

He found himself smiling to himself a little as he thought back. He looked up and met Donna's eyes. She looked worried. "I'm fine." He whispered and she nodded a little.

Harvey was dozing in his chair but immediately woke up when the door opened and two doctors stepped inside. On surgeon that he recognized from earlier and Dr. Lundin. Harvey felt his heart starting to beat hard as he stood up and watched the two men take a seat in two chairs.

Donna shook Louis awake and they all waited in silence. Rachel had tears in her eyes.

"I want to start by saying that Mike is alive." The surgeon said and it was like everyone in the room let out their breaths collectively.

"Unfortunately" Dr. Lundin continued. "He is barely holding on."

Rachel let out a sob and Harvey clenched his fist. The hope that had filled him a few seconds ago vanished.

"The operation was as successful as we dared to hope. We had trouble with getting Mike's heart to start beating again. For a couple of minutes we actually lost him but we got him back. He really fought well, it's incredible actually." The surgeon said.

"There is not so much we can do at the moment. We have done everything in our power to remove as much of the cancer cells as possible. It's a waiting game now to see if Mike can recover from this. He is incredibly sick and unfortunately anything can happen at this point. Mike might die at any moment." His college continued and he took the time to look at all of them while he spoke.

"I know how difficult this must be for all of you." He added.

"Some good news is that Mike is breathing on his own. This night will be crucial. Anything might happen. I'm sorry for being this blunt but I need you to understand the seriousness in the situation."

He locked eyes with Harvey and he felt forced to nod once. He understood.

"I want to be with him." He said.

The doctors exchanged looks. "You may." Dr. Lundin said then.

Harvey sat down heavily again. The conversation continued. They talked more about the surgery. Of possible outcomes. They had done the operation to free Mike's heart of a mass of tumors that had threatened his blood flow. It had been a high risk that Mike's heart wouldn't have been able to pump blood to Mike's body. If that had happened he would have died within days. They had fixed that now, but the operation put so much stress on Mike's heart that they didn't know if he was going to be able to recover from it. If he survived the next 24 hours there was a chance.

After the conversation Harvey was taken to a room in the ICU where Mike was. He had to scrub himself clean and put on hospital clothes and a mask, but he just did all they asked without a word.

Mike looked like he was barely alive. His skin was grey and it looked like he had been punched twice, the circles below his closed eyes were that dark. He was connected to more machines than ever and Harvey felt like crying as soon as he laid eyes on him. But he was still alive.

"You can stay as long as you like." The kind nurse that had accompanied him inside told him. "Just let us know if you need anything or if you have any questions."

Harvey nodded stiffly and stepped up to Mike's bed.

"Mike." He breathed, and then he let the tears flow for a little while. He was just standing there looking down at Mike and crying. He actually felt a bit better afterwards. The mask he wore was wet and he had to get a new one, but the nurse that gave him one without him having to ask for it. Like she had been expecting it.

Harvey finally sat down on a chair next to the bed and moved as close as he could. He took Mike's slack cold hand in his own and started to wait. He could do this. Mike could do this.

It was a bad night, to put it mildly. The worst night so far. Harvey didn't slept at all. He just sat there watching how Mike's chest moved up and down.

Harvey counted every minute as a win. Every minute was a minute closer to Mike's survival.

Mike had never been worse than this before. This was what all of the doctors had been talking about, preparing them for from the beginning of this journey. He squeezed Mike's hand a little harder. It got no reaction from Mike.

Three hours passed. Then four. Five. Eight and ten without any change what so ever. Mike just laid there, breathing, sleeping. Nurses and doctors came and went all the time. One nurse forced Harvey to eat a sandwich and drink a bottle of water. She wouldn't leave until he had.

Fourteen hours. Harvey had never been awake this long before. He felt awful, but couldn't take his eyes of Mike.

Eighteen hours and the nurse from earlier had brought a cot into the room and said that Harvey needed to use it. He refused.

He couldn't stay awake any longer when twenty hours had passed. A nurse promised to sit with Mike and Harvey fell down on the cot and was asleep within seconds.

When he woke up again Mike was still alive and 25 hours had passed. Harvey shed some tears again from relief. But he didn't dare to hope for much. He couldn't allow himself too because Mike hadn't changed.

Mike opened his eyes 46 hours after his surgery. Harvey was there when he did and his whole being was tense from relief and hope. But it wasn't that much of good news that he had thought. Mike showed no signs of understanding what went on around him. He just blinked slowly and stared in front of him. But he was awake.

58 hours passed. Mike was still alive. He had been awake a few times. Harvey slept an hour here and there when a nurse could sit with the kid and he was sleeping. Harvey wanted to know the second something happened, or the kid woke up.

72 hours and Mike wasn't any better. Harvey just felt so damn frustrated. He didn't know how aware Mike was about what was going on around him. He didn't really talk at all, one doctor told them that he probably couldn't. Sometimes he would open his mouth though but nothing came out. Mike's eyes were glazed over like a veil of unawareness had been placed over them. At a test last night someone had pointed a small flashlight into Mike's eyes and he barely reacted. The nurse had looked concerned and at Harvey's question about whether Mike's was blind or not she had just smiled sadly at him and excused herself. He had read somewhere about cancer patients going blind before they died. He hoped it wasn't the case for Mike, but he couldn't be sure now. Maybe it was like the first time he had gotten blind.

"I can't answer that Mr. Spector. There is now way of knowing right now." The doctor Harvey asked about it answered.

At 81 hours Mike got a bit worse. His breathing changed and he was hooked up with and oxygen machine. At 98 hours he was well enough again to not need it.

104 hours after Mike had come back from his surgery it happened.

"Harvey?"

Harvey jerked a bit at Mike's voice. It was so quite that he wasn't even sure he had heard right but when he looked over at Mike he jerked in his chair when he saw that Mike was in fact looking at him! This time when he looked into Mike's eyes he saw an awareness that he hadn't seen in them in long time, over five days to be exact.

"Mike? Hi there. You are talking." It was all he came up with to say. He felt genuine happiness stream inside of him.

"Hi." Mike breathed. He blinked slowly but forced his eyes open again.

"Tha-thank you for… for being here." He then said.

"Sure Mike. Of course. I've been waiting…" but Mike started talking again.

"Thanks…thanks for everything Harvey. For…For hiring me, for being my friend. For always being here."

Harvey didn't say anything, just looked at him. What was he doing? Was Mike saying good bye? He swallowed before answering.

"Well, thank you for accepting the job and for bursting in and disrupting my life the way you did."

"I really…really messed your life up. Didn't I?"

"No." Harvey said after just a moment. "You fixed it."

Mike blinked slowly up at him. A smile ghosted over his face. His eyes remained closed longer between each time he blinked and Harvey thought he wouldn't say anything else. He was wrong.

"I knew it."

It was a whisper and that small smile reappeared for a moment before Mike closed his eyes. He didn't open them again after that.

-SUITS-

Okay, first of all. I'm really sorry for the cliffhanger. I couldn't help it. I know this is all very sad, I upset myself as I wrote it. This chapter is a turning point for the story. It will be different from now on.

I wanted to thank all of you who have read, favorited, followed and reviewed this story! Really. I've worked on it for years now, and I know the chapters are ridiculously long sometimes and that I go into a lot of details, but that's how I like to write. I have also tried to make it as realistic as possible to some extent at least.

When I started this story a friend that was going through something similar to what Mike is going through in this story and I just wanted to write a story about such a journey. It helped a bit. That's how it all started. I really like this story now. And I would love to hear what you thought of these two chapters! It's amazing that you have followed the story this long!

I hope you enjoyed these last parts. I'm working on the next now. I hope you won't have to wait for so long!