Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

59. Chapter 59 - Trial days

Chapter 59.

Mike was breathing slowly. As deep as he could. He had counted to sixty eight times by now. Eight minutes had passed and he hadn't had any seizures. That was something he was incredible grateful for. Counting minutes was a good distraction for him, time passed and he had something to think about that didn't make him feel like shit.

It had only been about an hour after he had received the second dose of the trial drug. The last time it had been a few hours after. He hated to just lay there and wait. Harvey was boring too. He was on his phone, doing something, what he didn't know.

He didn't know what he would do if he had another seizure. Not that he would be able to do much to stop it. But it really scared the crap out of him. He had felt so bad afterwards. He had become a mess. He had cried for everything. At the time he hadn't cared but now it felt embarrassing, no matter what Harvey said.

Time passed and it turned out that counting minutes was a good idea, he fell asleep and woke up three hours later.

"You wake?" Harvey creepily whispered a bit to close. He smiled when Mike jerked a little.

"I thought you were." He said. "You feeling okay?"

Mike thought about that for a minute. He felt a bit uncomfortable and warm but other than that he felt okay.

"I'm okay." He told Harvey.

"Yeah, you sure? No seizures coming on?"

"It's not funny."

"No you are right. It's not. Absolutely not. Seriously how are you feeling? I'm paging a nurse." Harvey suddenly felt his forehead. Mike had no chance to move away. "Yep, you are too warm."

"Harvey…" Mike whined. And Harvey smiled and patted his head a little.

Two nurses and a doctor later it was determined that Mike had a fever but other than that he was mostly okay. His pulse was a bit high as well as something else that they were concerned about. They said that they would do something about that though and Mike didn't worry so much. He got a bit sleepy from all the talking.

He did not feel better the next time he woke up. In fact he felt very bad. It scared him. A lot of people was there and Harvey was standing to the side. Mike wanted him closer. He reached out for him and Harvey came.

"Hi kid. Hi Mike. You are okay. You just have to stay calm. You think you can do that?"

Mike nodded. He could do that. It was just that he was in quite a lot of pain. He felt weak and tired.

"Hurts…" he mumbled. Harvey squeezed his hand as Mike closed his eyes. A long time they stayed like that. Mike knew that things were going on around him, but he just laid there with his eyes closed. Harvey stayed with him. Mike was aware of him still holding on to his hand and talking to him now and then. He had a little trouble with being able to hear what they were saying but found that he didn't care that much about it. They had injected him with something, he was pretty sure that.

Time passed like that. He didn't really know what was happening. He might have been sleeping some, but when he woke up again things were the same as before so he didn't even know if time had passed at all.

The next time he became slightly more aware he noticed that he had an oxygen mask over his face and that there still were a lot of people in his room, at least more than normal. He should probably worry about that. He didn't have the strength to do so much more than closing his eyes and try to fall asleep again. He just needed to wait the bad out. Eventually he would feel better.

He felt hands on his face. Someone was stroking his cheek. Again and again. Voices where there. Someone was talking to him. It faded away.

Singing. Someone was singing quietly next to him. He wanted to turn his head towards the person but he couldn't move his head. That was upsetting. He tried to say something but his mouth wasn't really working as it should. He must have gotten some kind of noise out though because the singing stopped abruptly. He didn't want it to stop.

He tried to open his eyes but it was extremely hard. It was like they were glued shut or something. He did try again, and this time he was more successful. A glimmer of light met him. It was too bright at first so he had to close his eyes for a while and wait a bit. He noticed that the oxygen mask was gone. He was incredibly tired. It was like every part of his body had doubled in weight. It was a weird feeling. Everything was so heavy.

"You can do it." Someone said next to him. "Just open your eyes." He did.

Donna was sitting beside him, but she was now leaning over him so that he would be able to look at her.

"Hi sweetie. I'm so glad to see you awake." She smiled at him. It was hard to keep his eyes open.

She stroke the side of his face. He tried to smile.

"You are doing okay." She whispered. "I've called your doctor already."

Mike did his best in keeping his eyes focused on her. It was hard as well.

"Harvey is here. He is just getting some sleep." Donna continued. "You are doing good Mike."

He still couldn't do much more than look at her. She had tears in her eyes now.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie." She whispered. Mike didn't know for what. He chose to close his eyes.

-SUITS-

For just a moment Harvey had forgotten where he was when he woke up. Then he saw Mike's hospital bed and was upright the next second. He stumbled a little on his way to the bed. Donna was still sitting on the other side of Mike's bed. Just as he had left her, a few hours earlier when he had been unable to be awake any longer.

The trial was really hard on Mike. This time though he hadn't had any seizures which Harvey was immensely grateful for, instead Mike had become unresponsive. It was like he had shut off, like one of the many doctors had expressed it. There had been a lot of them there at times and things had been hectic at first. Mike had started to have trouble breathing which had freaked them out for a while. Then they couldn't get him to respond at all, which had been really scary. Harvey had been pretty sure that Mike was awake, but it was like he had gone deaf or something because he didn't react at all. Harvey had been almost relieved when the kid had fallen asleep and things had cooled down. He had called Donna then and they sat with him together. It was good to have here there and she had told him that she was staying if he wanted to sleep.

"How is he?" he asked her now.

She didn't move from her spot. She had her hand along Mike's face, careful of the wires running to his nose.

"He woke up a little while ago and he was looking at me. I think he knew that it was me."

Harvey nodded and took a seat. "Has he been seen to?"

"A nurse was just here. His doctor will be here within the hour to check on him."

Harvey nodded again and rubbed his face a bit.

"He seems calmer." He said.

"He is going to be fine." Donna whispered still not taking her eyes of Mike.

Harvey nodded and then they waited again. Mike was seen to an hour later. The doctor managed to wake him and he responded to the questions he was given. Then he fell asleep again and remain that way for seven long hours.

He was a bit more coherent when he woke then. He was able to answer them this time with hoarse whispers. But he was talking.

Gradually Mike became a bit better. He wasn't in so much pain, he stayed awake for longer periods of times and managed to drink a little. He was still very exhausted and couldn't even hold his own head up. It was scary to see. Mike didn't seem all that bothered though. Maybe he was too out of it.

"I'm tired." He whispered when Harvey tried to start up a conversation with him.

"How can you be tired? You just slept four hours."

Mike's eyes fluttered close. "Shhh…" he slurred and Harvey rolled his eyes at him.

"So you are shushing me now, are you?" He muttered. But he stopped talking and let Mike sleep.

The kid was better the next day. More alert and some awareness had returned to his eyes.

"This trial-stuff is really intense." He said after having been seen by Dr. Jansson and her collage. They seemed pleased with that Mike was now doing better and had decided to give him another dose the next week.

"Yeah, it is." Harvey agreed. "But they were mostly positive."

"Yeah, I guess. Do you think it's working though?"

"I sure hope so."

"Me too. I'm going to be pissed if it's not. It sucks!"

Harvey nodded. That was true words. He was just about to say something else when he saw that Mike had fallen asleep yet again. He smiled to himself and just decided to take a nap himself.

The next day had Mike feeling worse again. During the night he had developed a fever that had risen to almost worrying temperatures by morning. Doctors had been running in and out of the room all morning. Harvey didn't know how worried he should be. He was tired, why couldn't the kid catch a break for once. Mike was miserable and confused. He slept for short periods of times but apparently couldn't stay asleep. Harvey guessed that it was the fever dreams that woke him.

"Where is Donna?" He asked and looked around the room as if he expected her to come out of the bathroom.

"She is not here." Harvey said, a bit surprised. "I can call her if you want." The kid must have been dreaming about Donna visiting.

"But she was supposed to be here." Mike said still looking towards the bathroom door. "Donna!" He called out for her and something inside Harvey hurt then.

"Donna!" Mike screamed this time. "Donna!" He sounded desperate all of a sudden and Harvey didn't understand.

"Hey, shhh… She is not here. I'll just call her over." He put a hand on Mike's chest to stop him from doing something stupid, not that he could do much, and with his other hand he found her number.

She promised to be there as soon as she could.

"Is she coming? Is she coming here?" Mike asked as soon as he hung up.

"Yes, she is on her way."

"And she is coming here?" Mike waved around the room.

"Of course."

The kid turned his head away and stared towards the door with wide, shiny eyes. He apparently had decided to wait.

"Are you feeling okay Mike?" Harvey asked. The younger man shook his head without looking towards Harvey. He was breathing heavy.

"Where is she?" He mumbled a few minute later. "When is she coming? You said she would come."

"She is on her way. Give her a few minutes."

Mike nervously fingered the blanket in his hands. He mumbled something that Harvey couldn't make out, and didn't answer when Harvey asked him about it. Harvey glanced at his watch. She should be here by now. Ten minutes passed before Mike turned to him again with a worried expression.

"Harvey," He said quietly. "She is coming right? You said that she was coming."

"Yes, she is coming." Harvey smiled at him. "But I'll just call her again and see where she is."

"Harvey?"

"Yes, Donna where are you?"

"Harvey, I was just about to call you. I didn't know that Mike was sick. Listen, they won't let me in right now. They are saying that they don't want to expose him to any outside people until they know what they are dealing with."

At her words Harvey felt his heart sink in his chest. Oh no.

"No one has told me that! He just has a fever. Tell them it'll be alright."

"I have tried that Harvey. But they are telling me to come back tomorrow and see how he is."

Harvey smiled at Mike and got up and moved away from him.

"Donna, you need to get in here. He really wants to see you."

"Oh… I'm going to try Harvey, but I don't think it will work. Wait a second."

Harvey could hear her arguing with someone in the background for a while before coming back to him.

"I'm sorry Harvey. I…I'm just not allowed at this point. Something with the infection risk…" She trailed off and he could hear how upset she was.

"Yeah, alright." He sighed.

"Tell him that I'm really sorry Harvey."

"It's not your fault Donna."

"I know, but still. Tell him I love him and that I will see him as soon as I can."

"Sure. Talk to you later."

Harvey closed his eyes for a minute before turning around to face Mike's flushed face and wide eyes.

"Where is… she?" he asked.

Harvey sat down before answering. "Look Mike…" he started. "She is…eh… Donna isn't coming today. She wasn't allowed inside."

Mike just stared at him. "What?" He looked towards the door before focusing on Harvey again. "What do you mean?"

"She will come by tomorrow instead. She is really sorry."

"But…but she is not coming?"

"Not today."

"Why not?"

"She wasn't allowed inside kid. Because you are sick."

Mike's eyes flickered around and his mouth opened and closed. "But… you said she was on her way!"

"She was, but she can't come in here. She is not allowed right now, not until you get a little better."

Mike looked like tried to understand.

"But she was going to come…" He whispered. "Please Harvey."

"Mike…"

"I want to see her. Please."

"I know you do. I know. Tomorrow Mike, she will come tomorrow." Harvey hoped it was true. It didn't please Mike at all.

"No, now…" He moaned. "You said."

"I know, and I thought she would come. But now she can't. I'm sorry about that Mike. Maybe I can help you with something huh?"

Mike didn't look at him. "I feel bad. It's not my fault! I want her to come!"

Harvey couldn't help but feeling frustrated. Mike had tears in his eyes, which he tried to wipe away. He was looking towards the door as if he still expected her to walk in.

"It'll be okay." Harvey said, in lack of anything else to say.

Mike ignored him in favor of looking at the door. They remained quiet for a few minutes, then Mike turned to him again.

"Harvey I feel bad. I just wanted Donna to…" He stopped and his eyes flooded over. "I wanted her to… I don't have to ask her. She just knows…" he looked up at Harvey.

"Yeah, she always knows." Harvey agreed.

Mike looked away again.

"What can I do?" Harvey asked. He wanted that look on Mike's face gone.

Mike didn't answer, he looked back at the door again. "I feel bad." He whispered again and Harvey felt almost like he was going to panic for a short while. What should he do? What would Donna have done?

"Do you want me to lay next to you?" he asked on impulse. Mike looked at him then and Harvey didn't move. The younger man nodded. Relief was showing in his face, and Harvey felt the same flare up inside him. He still stood there for a moment before awkwardly climbing down next to him.

"The things I do for you." He muttered. Mike ignored his comment and leaned his warm head against Harvey's shoulder. Mike radiated heat and just in a few minutes Harvey felt sweaty. Mike mumbled something.

"What?" Harvey asked.

"Thanks Harvey." Mike repeated. "I know this is weird."

"It's warm is what it is."

"Can I sleep?" Mike asked. "You'll stay right? Here?"

"Sure. Go to sleep."

For an hour Harvey laid there with Mike. So this was what the kid had needed from Donna? Physical contact? Reassurance that he wasn't alone? He seemed satisfied now though. He was like an oven. It couldn't be good. He should page a nurse. But Mike was sleeping peacefully next to him now, so he just waited. He would keep an eye on the kid, but for now he would let him sleep. He just laid there with Mike's warm and bony body pressed close to him. The kid was so skinny now. Even his face looked so different compared to before. He had dark circles below his eyes and his skin was almost grey. Harvey was on the side of Mike where he didn't have an IV, but that arm was clearly visible to him. Mike had bruises on his arm all around the incision. It looked pretty terrible, like it was hurting him, even though it was one of Mike smallest problems at the moment.

He suddenly felt so sad laying there like that. He knew he was making a difference for Mike right now, he was keeping him calm and safe, but nothing else. This wouldn't make Mike better. This wouldn't take the cancer away, and somehow that weighed heavy on Harvey at that moment. He wanted to do more. He wanted Mike better. He didn't want Mike to basically become hysterical in his need for comfort. Mike wouldn't ask him for it, he had asked for Donna. Didn't he think Harvey would give it to him?

Mike stirred a bit, restlessly moving around a bit. Harvey hushed him and pressed him closer. It worked and Mike stilled again. Harvey wasn't able to fall asleep again that night, in fright of letting Mike wake up confused. However he felt a bit embarrassed though when a doctor and a nurse stepped inside. They didn't say anything when he clumsily and he carefully rolled off the bed. Mike slept on.

Not a lot happened during the following days. Mike's fever lessened and Donna was allowed to come over. She had bought Mike a gift in form of a get well balloon.

"You never had one before so I thought it was time." She said. Mike just laughed, and Harvey and Donna smiled towards each other.

The third dose of the trial drug was injected into Mike slightly adjusted again, but the result were the same as before. It made him feel like shit. Harvey felt sorry for him. He was so exhausted and upset. He shifted between angry and devastated. He squirmed around as much he could on the bed but had trouble falling asleep. The exhaustion got to him and he was in a bad mood. It was almost like he wanted to start a fight, but Harvey didn't fall for it. He actually congratulated himself for staying cool with Mike. Mike was not as impressed with him though.

"I hate this! I have had enough of it Harvey! I don't want to do it! It's not worth it." He roared.

"So what's the alternative?" Harvey calmly asked and Mike instantly looked like he wanted to cry. Harvey managed to calm him down though.

Mike was better faster this time, and was able to sit up a bit during the next day. Test were done to him and the doctors were satisfied with the results.

"It's better than we thought, this early in the trial." Dr. Janson confined in Harvey. "It's possible that he might be able to start chemo soon again."

Two more days passed and Mike was getting better and better. He still slept a lot, was in pain and was weak, but it all got better. He got stronger. Harvey thought he could see it.

Harvey stayed with him most of the time, but sometimes went home or to the office during the day. At nights he was at the hospital and he knew that Mike was grateful for that. Donna came to see him often, but he also got visits from the others at the firm. Adam came to see Mike as well and was the one that got Mike out for bed for the first time in a long time. The nurse put Mike in a wheelchair and took him to an outside area belonging to the hospital. Harvey could tell that it made him good. He slept almost four hour when they got back inside but then he was more alert than Harvey had seen him in a long time.

He was gaining some strength and was able to start eating better, and to Mike's excitement without help. He got another dose of the trial drug and once again Mike got really sick. It took two days for him to recover somewhat and time passed like that.

"Harvey, do you know what I'm sick of?!" Mike exclaimed one day after a doctor's visit that had lasted almost an hour. Harvey didn't look up from his phone.

"Cancer?" he answered absentmindedly.

"Oh shut up. I didn't mean like that"

Harvey looked over to him and lowered his phone.

"Okay wait, do you want me to get a pen and paper? This might be a long list."

Mike rolled his eyes. "No!"

Harvey smirked. "Are you sure?

"Yes I'm sure." He rolled his eyes at Harvey's expression. "Or no, you know what. I'm adding you to the list now. I'm sick of you too now."

"Really. I thought there wasn't a list. You know what? I have an idea. You should probably make a list of things that you aren't sick of. It would be shorter."

"You are so funny Harvey."

"I know."

Mike glared at him.

"Fine. What are you sick of?"

"I don't know if I want to talk to you anymore."

Harvey couldn't help but smile. "Fine." He said and turned his phone on again.

"I'm sick of being here!" Mike exclaimed just as Harvey had known he would. "I'm sick of being sick!"

"Okay… Are you sure I shouldn't write this down?"

"Oh, come on! You know, I'm going to move you up to first place now."

"Should I be honored?"

Mike ignored him. "I mean I have been here forever now. I don't even know how long it has been. I'm better now. I should be able to leave."

"Yeah, it's been a while. I know it has kid."

Mike looked at him then, his expression changing. "Yes you know. You have been here. You must be sick of it too…"

"It's fine Mike." Harvey said.

Mike shrugged. "You are off the list." He said and after that they didn't talk more about the things Mike were sick off.

The next day was yet another setback. Mike for some reason had trouble breathing. He went away for a bunch of tests, but they couldn't figure out the reason for it. He was provided an oxygen mask that he had to wear for almost two days. Mike's mood got even worse from that. Harvey found himself wishing for a break from him. Somehow his wishes were heard because Donna and Rachel arrived together the next day.

"I've heard you were doing a bit better." Rachel said as she leaned down and gave Mike a kiss on his cheek.

"We thought we would come and cheer you up a bit." Donna said and then did the same. Both of them practically ignored Harvey.

"Yes, we thought we should have a picnic together." Rachel said.

"Here in your hospital room. We bought some things that you might be able to get down." Donna added.

"Am I invited or…?" Harvey had to ask. He shook his head a bit when they shared a look with each other. "You know what, never mind. I'm just going to head out for a while then. I'll see you later Mike."

"Bye Harvey!" Mike waved a bit and smiled. It seemed like the cheering up were already working to some extent.

Mike was asleep when Harvey returned later that evening. Both Donna and Rachel was still there with him, neither of them had wanted to leave him.

"He is just sleeping now. He will probably stay that way until tomorrow." Harvey told them. "You can go."

"Harvey we told him we would stay with him until you got back." Donna said quietly.

"Yes, of course. Well, I'm here now. Thank you for staying with him today."

"It's no problem." Rachel said. "We had a nice time." She grimaced then suddenly. "At least until he threw up."

Harvey shrugged a little. "Sounds like him." He said.

Rachel just stared at him but Donna smiled a little and shook her head. "That's not funny Harvey."

Harvey agreed. Poor kid. Mike looked a bit pale. "He has had a bad week. I'm sure your visit helped him."

They talked a bit more and then they left. Harvey laid down on his own small uncomfortable bed. He felt pretty tired, even though he actually had managed to get some sleep in his own bed during the day after an hour of boxing. His night were very much disturbed. Mike woke up around three in the morning and threw up again. He got so agitated that the two nurses that arrived to help had to give him something to calm him down.

After been given a sedative Mike's had trouble keeping his eyes focused on Harvey where he sat next to the kid. It was clear that he was fighting sleep, his head were rolling around on his pillow. He mumbled something that Harvey couldn't make out. Mike's hand flailed towards him and Harvey caught it and put it back down on the bed.

"Rachel…Donna.." Mike mumbled then.

"They went home Mike. For your information it's three twenty-seven right now."

Mike looked like he didn't understand a word. His eyes were heavy with sleep, but he refused to keep them close. His breathing was a bit labored. Harvey just sat there and watched him struggle as he lightly stroked Mike's hand with his thumb. He wasn't sure Mike noticed. The kid would mumble something now and again, but mostly he just laid there. Harvey felt his eyes involuntary slid close and had to blink hard to get them to stay opened.

He got a nurse to come again and check on Mike, but he said that nothing was out of the ordinary right now. Harvey didn't really agree. Mike was really fighting to stay awake for some reason. Harvey didn't know why, and Mike didn't answer him when he spoke to him. He stayed awake for two hours and forty-two minutes. Harvey actually counted. But he didn't let the kid stay awake by himself, he wouldn't do that to Mike. To his Mike.

The next day Harvey was woken up by Mike's doctor coming to check up on him. Mike was woken too, and wasn't very happy about it. He didn't talk much but an annoyed look was etched on his face. Harvey tried to ask him about their nightly event, but Mike just looked at him.

"I was waiting." He said.

"On what?" Harvey asked.

"I…I don't know." Mike shrugged tiredly. "Rachel…" He trailed off and didn't say anything else.

Harvey smiled a bit. "Rachel huh?"

"What?" Mike said.

Harvey shook his head and told him about a text Donna had written to him. Mike shrugged and stared towards the wall. He didn't speak much and looked miserable. Although he denied being in pain. Harvey wasn't sure he believed him.

"I'm….I'm fine. Harvey." He mumbled.

He wasn't fine that day though. Harvey spent hours sitting by Mike's bedside helping him when he threw up. The doctor thought it was some kind of bacteria and put Mike on some anti-nausea medication. It made him more confused than he had been before. He would mumble something and waved a bit around with his hand. At first Harvey tried to follow along with his rambling but soon gave up and just agreed with whatever the kid said and Mike seemed satisfied.

A week passed without much happening. People from the office came to visit a few times. Harvey went home and slept there for two nights, then Mike quietly asked him if he could stay at the hospital so Harvey did. It was too early for Mike to be alone at night.

Mike didn't have any major complications. The trial went okay, it seemed like they could distinguish a pattern now. After taking the shot Mike got really bad, it differenced somewhat every time, but it was bad. He got high fevers, threw up, got anxious or irritated, he got totally out of it as well at times. And then there was the seizures that scared the crap out of them all. Mike got one more of them after four times of not getting them. It wasn't as bad as the first time, but it left Mike totally wiped out and terribly scared. Harvey could see it on him how scared he was. He had the same look he had during the worst times. Like the time after the crazy Jack-guy had tried to strangle him. Harvey hated that look on Mike. But he did his best in trying to reassure Mike that he was going to be okay.

The seizure worried Mike's doctors a lot as well. Harvey could see it on their faces too. He saw how they put their heads together over some papers of test results or something, just outside Mike's room. They talked to Harvey as well about the risks this was putting on Mike's heart. Mike didn't want to listen to it so they had stepped outside.

"Right now he is stable, Harvey, but these drugs he receive for the trial… it puts a lot of stress on his heart. We don't know if he will survive another seizure like this."

"Or maybe this is what's making him stable!" Harvey shot back. He didn't want to hear this. He wanted to cling onto the hope the trial brought with it.

The two doctors in front of him shared a look but they didn't say that much more and Harvey went back into Mike's room.

-SUITS-

His lower back was itching. He didn't know why. It had been doing so for a while now. He really wanted to scratch but didn't have to energy to do it at the moment. It had been a trial day yesterday, that was what he had started to call them. He did not like them at all. He hated them. Not that he had told anyone that, because he couldn't complain when this was possibly saving his life.

He had freaked out this time. Now he just felt embarrassed when he thought about it. He was so stupid sometimes. But the time before this he had gotten another seizure. He felt a knot in his stomach just thinking about it. Not that it hurt or anything. He just passed out and woke up feeling all shaky and weak. They just scared him, because there was a moment just before it happened when he knew that it would happen. He knew that he was going to lose control over himself. He didn't know if he would wake up again. It was a possibility that he wouldn't. That would really be ironic if he was killed by a seizure and not by a heart attack or something.

He was pretty amazed that his heart was doing okay. It was still beating at least. The seizures put a lot of pressure on his whole body though, and his doctors worried about his heart then. Mike did too.

Sometimes it felt like he was losing his mind. He didn't feel like he was all there, like himself. Sometimes he would feel so embarrassed about himself that he wanted to cry. And sometimes he did cry, which made the whole thing worse. His mind had slowed down, regressed. Parts of him were gone. Or maybe not gone but pushed aside. This was what cancer did to people he guessed. At least what it did to him. He didn't care at all about the same things he did before. What he cared about now was that he wasn't in pain, wasn't nauseated and most importantly, wasn't alone. If Harvey was there and kept him company he could even deal with the first two things.

Now he was itching though. That was the only thought in his mind. It just took too much energy to lift his arm and get it under himself to scratch. Maybe he could ask Harvey? He was in the room with him as usual. Harvey was almost always there now. Mike briefly wondered how long it had been since Harvey went to work. A long time was his best guess. Not a very good or accurate guess. His sense of time was apparently gone as well. He didn't know if he had been at the hospital for two weeks or two months. Harvey probably knew, but Mike didn't want to ask him about that.

He did feel guilty about needing Harvey this much. Keeping him from his life. But Harvey didn't say anything about it. Harvey just talked calmly to him when he was upset, joked with him when he was better or bullied him into eating, drinking or getting to a test. Harvey held his hand when he was sad or scared. He helped Mike to sit up when he needed to throw up, and he stayed in Mike's room during the night.

Sometimes he didn't know why Harvey was doing all of this for him. Sometimes he thought that he didn't deserve it. But sometimes Harvey's comforting words was the only thing that kept him together. Harvey scarified so much for him. Mike would never be able to repay him. But that was one of the reasons he wanted to win over his disease, just so he could at least try.

"What are you doing?" Harvey suddenly asked. He was staring at Mike.

"What? Nothing…"

"You are squirming around like you have ants crawling over you or something. You look weird."

Mike glared at him and then gathered all of his strengths to scratch at this back. It worked. Things were good again. However it kind of made him exhausted. He fell asleep.

"You know, it's time for you to get out of here!" It was the next day and it was one of his nurses, Amanda who said it.

Mike just stared at her. Sure he felt better today, but leaving the hospital, he doubted he was allowed to do that.

"What are you talking about?" Harvey asked for him.

"Out of bed. I'll like to work on your strength a bit. You need to sit up more, be more active. Maybe leave your room for a bit?"

She was talking while she started to arrange his bed to rise him up. It sounded interesting to leave his room. He had no idea when he had done that the last time. Or no, he knew, he had a test done the day before yesterday, but leaving just for the sake of it, he didn't know.

"I was thinking a short walk outside. How about that?"

"Is that a good idea?" Harvey asked.

"Fresh air is always good." She smiled at Harvey, who looked sceptic.

"We are in New York? How fresh is the air here?" Harvey asked while she was away to find a wheelchair.

"Come on!" Mike said. "Don't ruin this! I want to go outside." He really did. He was feeling better today. And he thought that he had been sitting up more lately. He didn't sleep 18 hours a day now. He watched movies with Harvey. And the other day when Donna had visited they had played cards, and Louis how had joined her for about ten minutes before a meeting had promised to bring a chess board.

He was getting better. He was eating more now too. Once last week before the trial day he had almost felt hungry. He couldn't even remember the last time he did that.

Harvey carefully lifted him over to the wheelchair when the nurse arrived with it. Harvey then pushed him while Amanda followed them outside. The hospital had a small yard where they walked around for a bit.

"So, when do you think I can walk again?" Mike asked the nurse while looking down at his legs.

"Not yet I'm afraid. You have been bed bound for some time now, but I'll arrange for a physical therapist to come and see you."

"Okay."

He had to settle with that. Harvey smiled down at him when Mike turned towards him. The movement of turning around to look at Harvey made him dizzy so he agreed that he wasn't ready to walk yet.

He fell asleep immediately after they got back to his room and he was helped down onto the bed and hooked up to all the machines again.

The next day the therapist arrived and worked with him for two hours. Mike's muscles hurt when they were down.

"Another day of that and I'll get a heart attack." Mike complained to Harvey after the guy had left.

"Of shut up. You barely lifted your legs by yourself."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't. The guy held on to them the entire time."

"No he didn't."

Harvey shook his head at him and picked up his phone from the table. But Mike could see that he was pleased.

A week later he was able to actually stand up by himself and take a few steps. It felt amazing. And Harvey even took a picture of him while he was standing with his arms outstretched in a look-at-me gesture.

"Donna is going to love this!" He said turned towards his phone as the nurse prevented Mike from crashing to the floor when his knees buckled.

"You are doing great! Great progress!" The nurse encouraged him as she lowered him back onto the bed.

"Yes, it's a miracle. I stood up for two seconds." Mike said.

"Well, you died for two seconds a month ago, so I would say that's progress." Harvey said.

"I didn't die." Mike grumbled.

"When your heart stops you die." Harvey was still looking at his phone.

"We'll get you to stand for three seconds tomorrow." The nurse jumped in. "Now you rest until dinner."

So he did. He was a good patient most of the time, according to himself. And he really liked this nurse. She was pretty great to him when he was down and encouraging when he needed it. She had a way of knowing what he needed at the time. Not all of them could do that. He had a few favorite nurses that he would talk to sometimes. But he couldn't get the thought that they just were here because they got paid for it, out of his head. He could see that some of them really cared though, but still, it was their job. They got paid to change his sheet after he threw up, or help him with other more unpleasant things. They saw him in positions he never wanted anyone to see him in, but he didn't have a choice. That was also one of the reasons he found it hard to let them in, even though he knew that some of them tried. Overall he like almost all of the nurses and doctors. They were all very kind and understanding.

However he really wished that he wouldn't have to see them anymore soon. He really wanted to head home now. And while his body strength was improving he was starting to hope that it would be possible soon.

The latest trial days and aftermath of them hadn't been that bad, and he thought that he got better faster after every time. The last time Jessica had visited him she had said that he looked much better.

"She was surprised." Harvey told him after she had left. "Said that she expects me back to work soon, since I can't use you as an excuse anymore."

Mike wasn't sure on what to make out of that and felt a bit worried.

"I told her you have a long way left to go, so don't worry." Harvey said then and patted Mike's arm.

They got the news that he was going to start chemo soon again, if that went well also radiation. He wasn't really looking forward to that at all, but at least he was getting another chance at beating this. They good news were that they said that they wanted Mike to go through one round of chemo at the hospital and depending on how that went, he might be able to go home.

Mike lightened up at the thought of that. It pushed him to try harder at everything they told him to do. Physical therapy, eating, sleeping, all of that stuff.

He felt hopeful. Sure he felt like crap a lot too, but the hope was there and more constant now. Sure it was hard to find it in him after he had spent two hours dry retching, but still he tried.

"I can see what you are doing." Harvey said one night. "I'm really proud of you Mike." Harvey's eyes were a bit shiny.

"Thank you Harvey. That means a lot." Mike said quietly, feeling a bit awkward. He reached out and patted Harvey's arm.

"You are doing great." Harvey just said. Then he didn't want to talk anymore and turned on a movie. Mike had seen it twice but didn't say anything. He glanced at Harvey once in a while and the older man looked a bit tense. Maybe he felt awkward too.

Donna had gotten Mike a subscription on an app that allowed you to download and listen to books. It brought him much joy, because he could lay there and listen with headphones and closed eyes. Just listen to the book without having to do anything just let the words flow over him. Sometimes he removed the headphones so Harvey could hear as well. They spent a lot of times like that, silent together. Mike on laying on his bed and Harvey on the chair or on the cot he slept on at nights.

The books stopped him from getting restless. Since he was awake more now, eating better and feeling overall better he could feel how his mind was slowly getting in place. The distractions the books gave was welcomed. He didn't have to think that much about what was going on around him. That everything was taking so long. That they had to postpone the start of his chemo treatment because he had a fever and some kind of low value.

"Too bad you didn't get me this sooner." Mike said as Donna came for a visit and he pulled out the headphones.

"I don't think you would have been able to use it sooner." Donna said.

"Yeah, maybe you are right." Mike said after thinking for a moment. He probably wouldn't have been able to concentrate or care that much, earlier.

"I heard you have been having trouble with your stomach?" Donna said next.

Mike groaned and closed his eyes a bit. "How do you know that?"

"You know I know everything."

She was right of course. His stomach had been bothering him a lot lately and they had taken test on him because of it last night.

"They are suspecting that I'm allergic or something." He muttered. "I've never been allergic to anything before."

Donna nodded and then proceeded to tell him the latest gossip from the office. Louis had hired a bunch of new associates, one of which had a really high pitched voice.

"Louis just can't let that go. He wants this kid to either remain silent or transform his voice."

Mike couldn't help but laugh. "I know some good surgeons if he is interested."

"Oh, don't mention it to Louis next time he comes. He don't need to get any ideas."

Mike loved it when Donna visited. He got to think about something else every time she was there. She stayed for a long time that day and came the next as well. Harvey left during that time and didn't say what he did while he was away. Mike only asked once. Maybe Harvey needed some privacy from him.

Donna was there when he got one of those stomach cramps he had been getting recently. It was a new kind of pain. Painkillers didn't really help, or whatever he got for his chest pains, that had been coming more seldom. The stomach cramps made him want to curl up into a ball with both arms pressed towards his stomach. He did do that as well. Donna stroked his back until they finally ebbed off after a few hours.

Four days later he was able to start his chemo treatment. It was great to finally be able to start treating his cancer again, but the aftermath terrible. He had forgotten how terrible it was. He had been feeling so well lately that something just snapped in him when the worst hit. It felt like he was back at the bottom. He had a terrible headache, felt so nauseated that he thought he would die and was in pain. He was shaking and sweating and just wanted to pass out. He wasn't that lucky though.

He didn't know if he could stand it. He wanted it to end. He wanted to pass out. He moaned out loud.

"Hey, Mike…" Harvey mumbled next to him and patted his back. Mike moved away from his touch. His skin was burning.

"What can I do?" Harvey asked.

"Make this stop." Mike groaned.

"I wish I could kid. I wish I could."

Mike curled up a bit more and swallow convulsively, the movement making him feel worse. All he could do was to lay there and wait it out. It didn't work that well. He had to throw up a few minutes later. "No…" He groaned and tried to sit up. He couldn't and Harvey had to help him. Harvey held out a basin for him and it was all very disgusting. He held it hard in his hands as Harvey held him up. He felt like crying by the time he was done.

"Alright." Harvey whispered. He took the basin from Mike's hands and put it away. He then lowered Mike back down onto the bed and dragged the blanket over him. Mike just let him do it. He was panting and had an awful taste in his mouth. He could feel tears coming to his eyes, but didn't move. He just closed his eyes and tried to stay as still as possible.

"Are you sure there is nothing I can do?" Harvey said.

"Stay." Mike mumbled down into the mattress.

"You know I will." Harvey answered and Mike blindly fumbled after the older man's hand. A few awful hours passed like that. The only positive thing was that Harvey was there and helped him. Mike would sometimes drift off to a restless sleep, only to be woken from the need to puke. It was disgusting.

-SUITS-

Mike was sleeping now again. Thankfully. Harvey hated to see him like this. It was a while ago since he had seen Mike doing this badly. He had even cried and hadn't tried to hide it from him. That said a lot about Mike's state. That poor kid. Harvey was glad that he had told Donna not to come. He didn't think that Mike would have wanted Donna to see him like this. Totally helpless and so small and sick. It was like Mike had shrunken into himself. He looked like a child laying curled up on the bed.

He must have thrown up about eight times since the treatment. Some treatment then.

When Mike woke again he was blinking slowly and had no strength. He moaned like he was in pain but said that he wasn't. Harvey mostly didn't believe him.

It took most of the day for Mike to get a bit better. Harvey stayed with him as usual. Louis stopped by for a short while. Mike didn't seem all that thrilled about it, but luckily he didn't say anything about it. Harvey had been a bit nervous about that. The other day when Mike had been a bit out of it he had said stuff without thinking, but that was mostly because he wasn't capable of thinking. Now he just looked tiredly at Louis and didn't complain when a nurse came to draw some blood. Harvey and Louis backed away a bit to give them some privacy when she wanted to check something else.

"He looks a bit better now." Louis said quietly so Mike wouldn't hear them.

"He is doing a bit better, except for yesterday. Yesterday was a bad day."

"Yeah, I heard he started chemo again."

"He did. Threw up all day after."

"And you were with him the whole time?"

"Of course."

Louis nodded next to him and Harvey took eyes from Mike.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, it's just so weird seeing you like this Harvey. It just hits me sometimes."

"Like what? What do you mean Louis?"

"Your whole life revolves around another person. Around your associate."

"My life doesn't…" Harvey stopped. He found that he couldn't really deny that statement. He was quiet for a while. "I guess it does." He instead said quietly.

"That's good Harvey. You are keeping him alive."

Harvey didn't know what to answer, so he remained quiet. But a while later when Louis had to leave Harvey shook his hand. It was weird. His relationship with Louis had changed as well without him even noticing it.

Mike was lightly snoring on the bed in front of him. He had had a tiring day. Harvey decided to take a nap of his own.

Mike was a lot better the next day.

"You know, I had forgotten how bad it got. You know, the chemo-shit." He said. "I thought I was going to die. Again."

"Yeah you believe that a lot don't you?" Harvey asked, glad that Mike sounded a bit like himself.

"Well, you should try it and see what you would think." Mike just muttered now.

"Okay, okay. Calm down would you. I feel really bad for you."

"Oh shut up." Mike muttered and reached for his iPad. He was using it more now since he didn't get headaches form its light anymore."

A couple of more days passed. Mike received the trial drug again and also had chemo treatment. He reacted the same way as before. Except now he was better faster after it.

"I should be able to go home soon." He told his doctor by one exam.

"Well, we will look into that." The doctor said.

"Yes, you do that." Mike said. And shrugged a bit when he met Harvey's eyes.

"Do you think he will let me go home with you?" Mike asked. "I mean I am doing a lot better. They must know that as well. Right?"

"Yes, sure they must." Harvey said. "Don't rush it though Mike. They will let you go home when they think you are ready."

"But I'm ready now."

Harvey nodded. There was no point in saying something else when Mike was at this mood. But he thought Mike was right. It was possible that he was ready.

Much to Mike's excitement his doctor came a few days later and said that if Mike didn't experience any setbacks during the next two days they would let him go home.

"Did you hear that? Harvey did you hear!" Mike said when they were alone again. "I get to go home! I can't believe it! I get to go home again. Well, your home but still."

"It's yours too." Harvey got in before Mike continued to ramble.

"They said that I need medical supervision. Are you going to call Adam? It was ages ago since I saw him. Do you think he will be able to come over again? If not you need to give him a raise or something."

"Okay, calm down a bit. I'll get in contact with him."

"Yeah, you want his number? I have it memorized."

"I have it in my phone."

"What if he can't make it? I don't want anyone else coming over. Except Donna, Rachel and Louis of course. And Jessica if she wants to come. You know she has been coming over a lot lately. Hasn't she? Do you think that means something?"

Harvey just stared at him and shook his head a little. Secretly he was glad that Mike was going on like this. It meant that he felt well enough to talk Harvey's ears off.

Mike continued to go on like that for the next half hour, after that he kind of passed out, giving Harvey the opportunity to make a few calls.

Mike was coming home again.

-SUITS-

Hej guys! Sorry for the long wait. It was really time to update this story. I hope you like this chapter, it was kind of hard to write actually. I have planned out the rest of the story now, and I think you will come to like it.

By the way, I've started to write another story now, that you are welcome to check out. It's called Derailed and is a bit similar to this one but deals with sudden disability for poor Mike.

Thank you all that are still reading this story!