Chapter 60.
Getting Mike back home to Harvey's place took a few days longer than anyone would have wanted. Mike was upset and annoyed and Harvey who felt like he had to stay too became annoyed as well. Mostly at Mike since he was pretty insufferable when he kept going on about wanting to leave.
"You know I don't care what they say!" he exclaimed. "I'm fine Harvey. I am. You should tell them that!"
"Fine. Mike." Harvey patiently got out. He should get an award he thought to himself as Mike practically ignored him and kept going along the same line.
Harvey had managed to get a hold of Adam and he had promised to help them again. Luckily he hadn't taken on any other permanent job yet.
"That's good." Was all Mike had to say about it when Harvey told him about it and then he changed the subject and asked if Harvey had seen his nurse in the hallway.
The morning when Mike was allowed home the kid was quiet though, and to Harvey's surprise Mike didn't seem that excited anymore. He just shrugged or shook his head when Harvey tried to talk to him as they waited for the doctor. Harvey just thought that it was because Mike was nervous about getting denied to leave. But that wasn't the case.
"Are you sure it's okay though? That I leave?" Mike asked.
"How come you are asking Mike?" Dr. Lundin asked. "Are you feeling worse? We can keep you a few more days if you want."
"No, he is fine." Harvey couldn't help but answer for him. To be honest it wasn't only for Mike that he spoke. Harvey couldn't wait to get home and to not have to spend the night at some uncomfortable small thing that they called a bed, and to not have his sleep constantly interrupted by the nurses and other hospital staff.
"Mike?" The doctor asked though, ignoring Harvey. Mike shrugged once again.
"It's just that… I was just thinking…" He sighed. "What if something happens?"
"Then you will come back here." The doctor simply said and Mike seemed satisfied with that.
Harvey still asked him about it when the doctor left and they waited for a nurse to come and take them to their waiting cab an hour later.
"Honestly, Harvey. I think I'm a bit freaked out about leaving this place. I don't know why, or it's just that I've been here for so long now and…"
"And…?" Harvey asked when he didn't continue.
"I don't know. I guess I'm scared that something will happen. It's been so close a few times now, but they have been able to fix me, and I was just thinking that what if something happens again, you know?" Mike kept staring down at his lap while he spoke. Harvey leaned forward and patted his shoulder a bit and smiled when Mike looked up at him.
"It's okay to be scared about that, kid. I think it's natural to be freaked about that. But you can't stay here forever, and I'll be there to make sure nothing will happen. You know you are doing better."
"Yeah, I know. Thank you Harvey." Mike smiled a bit. "I certainly don't want to stay here forever."
The nurse arrived and Mike managed to sit down in the wheelchair by himself. He didn't say a word about it when Harvey took the handles and pushed him along the corridors. Harvey had gotten a small lecture about how to care for Mike and what to watch out for just before they left but now the nurse that walked beside them repeated everything.
"I think I know by now that irregular heartbeats is something to look out for." He eventually said.
"Of course, but I'm just reminding you about the severity of that. You need to call an ambulance right away in that case, even if it's a false alarm." She said. "Another thing to look out for is his breathing…"
"How about throwing up blood?" Mike asked.
"Oh shut up." Harvey and slapped him a bit on the back of his head. It was a light blow but Mike almost fell out of the chair. Harvey saved the situation by grabbing the hood of his sweater, which resulted in a coughing fit from Mike.
The nurse got upset and Harvey wasn't allowed to push Mike's wheelchair anymore. She spent the rest of the way to the parking lot lecturing Harvey. But when he looked down at Mike the kid was smiling up at him, so Harvey just shook his head and listened. He even apologized.
"Are you trying to stay here or what?" Harvey asked when she eventually left after helping with getting Mike inside the car.
"What? You hit and strangled me." Mike smirked. Harvey just shook his head and punished Mike by not speak to him until they got home. Not that Mike cared that much. He fell asleep three minutes into the ride.
Harvey gently shook him awake when they arrived outside his condo. "We're home." He said when he met Mike's confused look.
"Oh." Mike fumbled with his seat belt and then reached for his bag.
"Are you kidding?" Harvey said and snatched it from his grip and heaved it over his shoulder. "You think you can walk or do you need the wheelchair?"
"Eh…" Was all Mike said.
"Wait here." The cab driver had already removed the chair from the back and Harvey pushed it up to Mike. "Just a few steps." Harvey encouraged. "You need a hand?"
Mike weakly nodded. Harvey noticed how pale he had gotten. He put down the bag and when Mike finally had gotten both legs on the ground he pulled him up and steadied him as he stumbled towards the chair.
"Can you hurry?" He asked quietly as Harvey walked them towards his building.
"You feel sick?" He asked when they were in the elevator.
"Yes." Mike didn't move just sat there and breathed deeply.
When they arrived Mike asked to be taken to the bathroom and there they spent about half an hour during which Mike got sick twice. It was a bad start.
He didn't want to lay down after that, but wanted to sit by the table where he had a view out of the window towards the city.
"I just want to sit here." He said when Harvey asked if he wanted to lay down instead.
"Okay. Let me know if I can do anything for you." Harvey asked. "I'm just going to take care of a few things."
Harvey hadn't been home much during the last few weeks and he needed to make Mike's bed and make sure he had the meds needed, restock the fridge and a few other things like that. He started with taking a quick shower though. Mike was still at the same spot when he got out. He claimed he was fine.
Donna had removed and washed the bedsheets from the last time they were home. However Harvey found himself standing and staring at a spot of dried up blood on Mike's mattress. He remembered the panic he had felt then. He then quickly put on new sheets and left the room. He went to sit down in front of the kid.
"I'm glad you are here Mike." He said. Mike how had been busy with staring at the table in front of him looked up.
"Yeah…Thanks. I'm…glad to be here." He then closed his eyes and proceeded to rest his head on his arms on the table.
"Yes, I can see that." Harvey rested a hand on Mike's head a bit. "Let me know if I can help." He said and then proceeded to take care of the rest.
Mike felt like crap the rest of the day. Harvey managed to get him to lay down at the couch at least. He couldn't have the kid sleep at the table like that. Mike refused to sleep at his bed, and didn't say why. Harvey just let him get what he wanted.
Mike woke a few hours later and called out for Harvey, and when he came Mike just blinked at him.
"I just wanted to know where you were." He said, closed his eyes and fell back asleep. Harvey spent a few hours in the chair opposite of the kid after that.
After dinner when it was time for them to go to bed Harvey could tell that Mike was worried again.
"Are you going to bed too?" He asked when Harvey helped him to lay down.
"Yes I am. I'm going to be here the entire night Mike. You are fine."
"Okay. Thanks." Was all Mike said.
-SUITS-
Mike was in bed listening to how Harvey prepared to go to bed. He didn't want to sleep before he knew that Harvey would be in the room, over in his own bed. He was so grateful for the fact that they still shared a bedroom and that Harvey hadn't moved his bed back to the other bedroom yet.
He didn't know why he felt so scared of being here again. It was so stupid. He felt so stupid. He knew he was doing better, but still he was afraid of that something was going to happen. Hopefully this feeling would pass after soon. He wasn't going to say anything about this to Harvey, but the older man was so kind and gently with him so he suspected that Harvey knew somehow. Maybe he wasn't that good at hiding things from Harvey like he had been once. They did spend every day with each other so maybe that wasn't so strange. Mike thought he was pretty good at reading Harvey's moods as well. And now he knew that Harvey was extra nice to him, because he thought he needed to be. Mike was just grateful for that as well. He wanted Harvey to be like that to him. He needed it.
He fell asleep an hour or so later, while Harvey was still awake with his laptop over his lap. He had a few nightmares during the night and woke Harvey at least once. At least he remembered Harvey sitting beside him stroking him shoulder.
He felt slightly better the next day. Not as nauseous as the day before. That was great news. The day consisted of a lot of sleeping but also a lot of different visits from people.
Adam was the first to come. He and Harvey spent an hour or so talking about Mike's needs. Mike chose to leave it to them for now, he thought it was a bit too early to start to think about stuff like taking the right meds or which days he was set to be at the hospital. He gladly left it to the other men.
Donna and Rachel came over together and sat with him a bit on the couch. Donna stayed for dinner as well. Overall it was a nice day. The day after was similar. Louis and Jessica stopped by. Mike suspected that they had some type of schedule so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed or something. But it was nice to see them too. It was a while ago since he had seen Jessica. She said he looked good. Something that he had a hard time agreeing with. He had seen himself in a mirror last night when he brushed his teeth. He looked awful. Almost like it wasn't him that stared back at him. So he decided to avoid mirrors for some time after that.
The day after that was a trial day. Then he had chemo. That was an awful day. Horrible. He just felt so damn bad that he sort of wanted to die. Why did he have to feel so bad after something that was supposed to make him feel better? He even asked Harvey that but he just said that it would be worth it. He said that in a year when Mike thought back on this he would be able to think that it had been worth it. Mike threw up and told Harvey to be quiet. He wasn't so nice towards Harvey actually. But the older man didn't seem to mind and Mike found himself wondering yet again what he had done to Harvey to cause this change in him.
The days passed like that. He went in and out of the hospital on different treatments. Sometimes he had to stay an extra night or two after a session. Once Harvey called an ambulance on him when he accidently got a coughing fit from swallowing water down the wrong pipe. But the oxygen he received had felt nice.
Adam started to be around as well. It was kind of nice. Adam brought something else into the condo that both Mike and Harvey needed. Sometimes Mike suspected that Harvey got a bit tired of him. So he never complained when Adam came. Just once when he felt like crap and was sitting on the bathroom floor panting from throwing up he asked Adam to get Harvey. He had debated it over and over in his head, but when he felt like crying from just not being able to decide whether or not to ask for Harvey he did.
"I'm sorry." He said as soon as he saw Harvey in the doorway.
"What are you talking about?" Harvey said and sat down next to him. He leaned against the wall and then pulled Mike towards him so that he could lean against Harvey's shoulder. "Don't apologize." He mumbled and took a wet towel from Adam and wiped Mike's face. Harvey stayed for three hours with him in there while he was sick.
Harvey started to go back to work for a few hours now and then. He and Mike had talked it through before and Harvey had told him that he would only do it if it was okay with Mike.
"Yes, Harvey it is. Just tell me before so that I know. But I'm fine with it."
"Okay kid. Someone else will be here though. Don't think I'm leaving you here unattended."
Mike just rolled his eyes but didn't say anything about it. Truth was that he didn't want to be left alone yet. Once his heart had done some weird jump that felt in his whole chest. It had scared the crap out of him and Harvey had taken him straight to the hospital. It turned out that it wasn't such a bad thing though, but still it scared him.
So he always had someone with him, even when he was asleep. Adam was there a lot but also Donna. Sometimes Rachel came and a few times Louis showed up.
"He keeps asking me if he can help, so I have to let him come and babysit you once in a while." Harvey had explained. Mike just rolled his eyes. He didn't mind when Louis came. In fact the man was pretty entertaining.
He had good days and bad days. Trial days and chemo days were always bad. But he could slowly feel that he was starting to get better. He slept less during the day, he wasn't as tired. His appetite had improved somewhat, like his stomach had grown a bit or something.
The bad days sucked though. They were a lot of them actually, or maybe it was fifty fifty. On the bad days when he thought of it, it felt like it was all the time. But Harvey reminded him that it wasn't so.
"You stayed up all day yesterday, that's a good thing. You even went for a walk." Harvey tried to encourage him.
"I was in a wheel chair. I didn't do shit. I just sat there while Adam pushed me around and people looked at me like I'm retarded."
"Just ignore them, and I'm sure they weren't staring at you anyway."
"I look like a corpse or something of course they were staring."
"It's still good that you went outside." Harvey said.
"I didn't walk or anything. I can't fucking walk like that."
He didn't know why he was so angry all of a sudden. It was just a bad day and he wanted to be angry at something. He felt like crap today and he didn't care if Harvey thought it was a good thing that he went out for a walk the day before.
Today he hadn't been able to get out of bed. He had wanted too at first but then he felt so shaky that he had asked if Adam just could let him be in bed. He had remained there the entire day. Harvey had been at the office for a pretty long time. Too long if you asked Mike, not that anyone did. When Harvey got back Mike made an attempt to get out of bed and out into the living room. But he had almost fallen on his ass, and Harvey had dragged him back to the bed and told him to just stay there.
"Mike, you are doing great. You are making progress. You know that. It's what your doctors said as well the other day." Harvey was saying now.
"Yeah, but I'm supposed to be better. This isn't better." He mentioned for his body on the bed. "Would you call being unable to get out of bed better?"
"Well, you just…" Mike didn't let him finish.
"I can't do shit. I want to get the hell out of here." He angrily hit the mattress.
"You know that this will take time Mike." Harvey patiently told him. That earned him a glare from Mike. "You won't be able to just fly out of bed and bike to work just like that."
Mike glared at him.
"You know I've basically been in bed for over a year now. I'm sick of it!"
Harvey rolled his eyes at him now and he looked a bit annoyed.
"You are free to get out of bed whenever you want Mike." He said.
"I can't!"
"I know that!" Harvey raised his voice. "All you can do is wait and rest."
Mike wanted to say something else but he shut his mouth to a thin line and looked away from Harvey, who sighed.
"I know this isn't what you want. But…"
"Okay Harvey! I'm resting!"
"Yes, that's good. You should keep doing it. I'm getting something to eat."
Harvey left him alone after that. Mike just glared at him. Then he cursed himself when his emotions switched just like that. He regretted everything he had just said. He regretted his harsh tone towards Harvey. It wasn't Harvey's fault that he wasn't strong enough to walk today, he shouldn't have yelled like that. Or did he even yell? It felt like he had. Harvey was surely mad at him now. Mike wanted him to come back. He wanted to call for Harvey to come back. He wanted to apologize and as for forgiveness and he wanted Harvey to sit with him. He didn't understand how his emotions could turn around just like that. He had gone from being angry at everything to just feeling like a scared and lonely little boy wanting comfort.
He felt like crying now. When was Harvey coming back? He just laid there and waited. He waited and waited. He tried to distract himself. Took his iPad and put on a movie, but it was like he couldn't hear the words. He pressed it against his chest instead and waited. He tried to listen and see if he could hear if Harvey was coming. He wasn't. He wasn't coming and he started to cry. He couldn't stop himself. And when he started it just made him feel ten times worse because he was doing it. He felt like such a bad person. He understand why Harvey didn't come. He truly did. He wouldn't want to be around himself. He was so ungrateful and stupid.
"Mike? What is it? Hey what is it?"
He hadn't been prepared for Harvey's return at all. He tried to remove all of the evidence of his latest breakdown but failed.
"It's nothing…" He mumbled.
"Bullshit." Harvey said. "Tell me what it is. Are you in pain?"
Mike shook his head. He wanted to reach out to Harvey. He wanted to sit up and threw himself in Harvey's arms. He didn't of course. He just shook his head.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about before."
Harvey smiled then and put a hand on Mike's shoulder. Mike felt himself tense.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing at all kid." Harvey didn't removed his hand and Mike just looked at him and tried to stop himself from begging Harvey to just help him. He couldn't get himself together.
"Mike, calm down. Hey…" Harvey stroked his arm. Mike did reach for him then and Harvey took his hand, all the while he kept telling Mike that things were okay. He cried a bit more then.
"What's…what's wrong with me?" he got out. "I'm so stupid."
"No, you are not stupid." Harvey said.
"Yes I am. I'm pathetic. You don't want to be here. Why are you even helping me? I'm pathetic."
"You know what I don't like Mike?" Harvey said firmly. "I don't like when you tell me want I want and what I don't want. And you are not pathetic. You are not. You are just upset for some reason and I would like if you told me why."
"I don't know why. I just thought you were mad at me and that you wouldn't come back, and it was my fault because I yelled at you." He found himself just rambling whatever was in his head.
Harvey just sat there and waited.
"Again, I don't like when you tell me what I am." He said calmly.
"Sorry, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm not mad at you. You don't need to be upset Mike."
"But I am. I'm sorry."
"It's fine." Harvey smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Do you want to come to the couch and watch a movie?" He then asked. Mike just nodded.
Harvey lifted him over to the wheelchair and then over to the couch. He put a blanket over Mike and then sat down next to him. He then put a pillow over his lap and pushed Mike down onto it. He rested both of his hands over Mike's shoulder and back. He stroke his back up and down and Mike felt better. The worst feeling inside him where gone.
A few minutes later he felt collected enough to speak again. "I'm sorry Harvey. I can't explain it, why…"
"You don't have to. All I care about is that you are feeling better."
"I am. Thank you so much."
"Of course kid. Will you be quiet now, so we can watch the movie?"
"Sure." Mike smiled and relaxed. Harvey was so great. He fell asleep a bit later.
-SUITS-
Harvey stilled his movements and waited as he looked at Mike's face. He didn't react so he was sleeping. It pained him to know that Mike felt like that still. Mostly nowadays Mike was fine, but his bad thoughts was probably always there. Today was a bad day apparently. At first he had felt how tense Mike had been laying there in his lap, but now he was totally relaxed.
Harvey should have known earlier that a breakdown was on its way. He should have seen the signs but this time he didn't. He fixed it though and they were fine now. It was a while ago now since Mike had had a breakdown like this.
Harvey could see the progress Mike was making lately, he knew he noticed it more than Mike did. It was a slow process but it was there. It was going in the right direction. At least that was what it seemed like. At the last hospital visit they had he had spoken a bit with Mike's doctor and when he had asked he had gotten the answer that it was still too early to tell. Anything could still happen. He translated that to that Mike could still die from his cancer and that it was a possibility still. Harvey wasn't sure why people kept telling them things like that. Did they know he was a lawyer and were afraid he would sue them?
He could see a change in Mike's behavior too. Not counting today Mike had been starting to act a bit more like his old self, the kid Harvey got to know before the cancer came. He joked around more, quoted movies, he laughed more. It was great to see. Mike's confidence improved as well. He could handle being alone better now. Harvey didn't need to be within his sight at all times for the kid to feel okay, although they still slept in the same room. Harvey had decided to leave it to Mike to determine when to move out of Harvey's bedroom. Apparently that was something that Mike wasn't ready for yet. He hadn't mentioned anything about it and Harvey didn't really mind anyway.
Somehow it was difficult to experience how Mike was starting to feel better. It was amazing to see of course but Harvey found it hard to know how to treat the younger man. On Mike's better days he seemed to want to be treated like before, but on the bad days like now Mike needed his absolute attention and comfort. Harvey had trouble knowing exactly in which mood Mike was in. Most of the time Mike let him know, but then it was moments like today with breakdowns and apologies. But there wasn't so much else to do than to take one day at the time as usual and for now he would just sit there on the couch with Mike slayed across his lap.
Mike slept for almost three hours. Apparently he had been tired. He was a bit confused when he woke up and didn't know what had happened. But Harvey could tell when he remembered because of the redness that crept up along his neck.
"It's fine Mike. Don't worry. Do you want some food?" And that was that.
Two days later Mike had a doctor's appointment where they were told some pretty good news. Mike's values were better and he had gained some weight.
"So, when is my hair coming back?" Mike wanted to know, but he didn't really get an answer. He rarely wanted to be without something on his head.
"We are going to finish this round of chemo and after that you will get a break before the next round. How do you feel about that Mike?" The doctor asked.
Mike just shrugged. "Fine."
The visit took almost two hours and ended with a checkup for Mike's part. Harvey got to wait on a bench for another hour.
Mike looked exhausted in the car on their way back home.
"Harvey?"
"Yes."
"So, do you think I can come with you to work someday soon?"
Harvey looked up from his phone.
"Are you kidding?"
"I didn't mean that I would come and work. Maybe just visit?"
Harvey wanted to straight out refuse but something in Mike's eyes stopped him. However it was hard to say anything but no when Mike didn't have the strength to hold his head up.
"Why don't we wait a couple of more weeks until you can stay on your feet for longer than five minutes?"
"Fine." Mike mumbled and looked out the window and Harvey felt bad.
"We could always bring the wheelchair. You won't have to stand then." He suggested.
"Just forget it." Mike said quietly.
"We can do it Mike. I'm sure they will be happy to see you. I just think you need to be a bit better first."
"Okay."
Harvey dropped it then since Mike ignored him the rest of the car ride.
Mike refused to get out of bed the next morning and Harvey couldn't help but think that he was acting stupid. It somehow made him a bit too annoyed when he couldn't help but thinking that Mike was only acting like this because he couldn't have his way. To not cause any unnecessary conflict Harvey chose to just leave him alone. However Mike did the same the next day and Harvey wouldn't have it then. It ended with an argument that neither of them really wanted to have and Harvey didn't really feel good about himself when he was standing over Mike's bed yelling at him. Not really yelling but Mike probably saw it like that.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Mike said.
"Oh so now you want to be alone huh? That's a change!"
"I'm tired." Mike glared at him.
"You been in bed for two days. How tired can you be? All I'm asking is that you come and have dinner at the table. Then you can go back here or whatever you want to do."
"I'm staying here."
"Fine. You know what? Just stay in here then." Harvey left and went alone to the living room. When Mike called for him half an hour later he ignored it. Mike was quiet after that. Not ten minutes later Harvey had to go and check on him. Just to make sure. You never know. But Mike was asleep and doing alright. Harvey turned on the baby monitor and took the other part with him back to the couch. Just in case.
-SUITS-
Bored was what he was. The last few days had been so boring. He was feeling okay and spend much more time awake than he had in a long time. Now he sometimes just slept to pass the time. That was just weird. But the days passed so slowly. Nothing exciting really happened. Not that he needed that, it's just that now when he didn't feel like he was dying at any moment and he was more alert he got to thinking a bit more. He felt more restless. He had spent two days in a row in bed this week. Most of the time he watched movies or Youtube clips on his phone. He didn't really know why he refused to get up, maybe it was somehow to make a statement to Harvey. Harvey couldn't boss him around all the time. And if Harvey said he wasn't well enough, he had wanted to prove it. So he had stayed in bed.
Except for the trips to the hospital he had a few visits during the week. Rachel and Donna came by. Donna mostly stayed for a few hours and Harvey disappeared during that time. Adam was there as well. Harvey always left then. Mike didn't know how things were between Harvey and the nurse. He knew they had fought once when he had been very ill, but he thought that Harvey liked Adam now. But it wasn't like they hung out.
He had been taking a nap on the couch during one of Donna's visits. He woke up and heard Harvey and Donna talking in the kitchen. It sounded like Harvey was taking care of his medication and putting in in order for the next week.
"I don't know Donna." He was saying. "Sure he is a bit better but now well enough to do something like that."
Mike chose to listen in silence. Do what?
"Are you sure about that Harvey? It wouldn't really be more exhausting then a trip to the hospital would it?"
"Yeah, but he goes there to get treatment not socialize with people and exhausting himself."
Donna sighed then. "I know that Harvey. But he isn't very well after those either is he."
"Yeah, but that's side effects. You know that too."
"I just think he needs some cheering up. And coming to the office would do that. And maybe bring him some sense of normality. Give him something more to fight for."
"Working 12 hours a day is desirable?"
"You know what I mean?"
Harvey was quiet after that and Mike listen closely.
"Fine. I'll ask his doctor tomorrow. If he clears it, fine."
"He will be fine Harvey."
"We'll see."
Three days later Mike was with Harvey in the car on his way to the office. It was the first time in what felt like months. He felt a bit nervous but mostly excited. Harvey had made it clear that he didn't really think it was a good idea, but Mike's doctor had been positive. Mike had acted surprised when Harvey brought it up when they saw Dr. Lundin. After that he had really made an effort towards Harvey. He didn't want the older man to change his mind. He was just dying for something else to happen, something that didn't involve people pushing needles into him.
"I've told the others that you are coming. Louis wanted to throw you a party or something equally crazy. I've told him no and that we are only staying for an hour. And you are to wear the mask the whole time."
"Yes, I know Harvey. You told me already." He was wearing a stupid hospital mask and they had the wheel chair in the trunk of the car. It would be embarrassing arriving like this, but better than nothing. He just had to accept Harvey's demands.
When they arrived however he was thankful for the wheelchair. Suddenly he felt so nervous about stepping into the building that he was glad that he didn't have to walk. He was weirdly tense as well.
"Are you okay?" Harvey asked where he was standing in front of him. "You know we don't have to do this, we can go back him."
"Harvey, it's fine. I'm fine. Let's just go inside."
So they did.
"Do I look okay?" Mike couldn't help but ask when they were in the elevator. "Like can I really show myself like this?"
"Do you want the truth?" Harvey asked.
"No, please lie to me." Mike glared at him.
Harvey rolled his eyes. "What can I say? You look a bit ill."
"A bit ill…" Mike muttered. "I look like crap then. Nevermind then. Forget I asked."
"You have looked worse, so…"
"Thanks."
"They have all seen you worse, so stop complaining."
"I'm not complaining."
They were interrupted then by the elevator stopping on their floor.
"Mike!" Donna was waiting for the right outside.
"Hi Donna." He returned her hug. She didn't let him go for a long time.
"I'm so glad to see you here." She said when she let him go. He thought her eyes looked a bit shiny and felt touched.
"I'm glad to be here."
Harvey started pushing him towards his office. They were stopped twice by a few associates that wanted to welcome him back. Mike awkwardly shook their hands. Thankfully Harvey soon pushed him forward.
"Okay…" Donna said when they got closer. "Louis was happy to hear that you were coming, so he might have gone a bit overboard. So Harvey, don't say anything stupid."
"What…?" Harvey started to say when they came into view of his office. He stopped so suddenly that Mike jerked forward in his wheelchair. Donna immediately grabbed his shoulder.
"What the hell?" Harvey muttered.
"We'll take it down later." Donna whispered. "Be nice."
"But, my office…"
Mike couldn't help but laugh out loud now. Donna gently pushed Harvey to the side and pushed Mike into the office where Louis and Rachel were waiting on Harvey's couch. The room was almost unrecognizable. Louis had really gone overboard as Donna put it. Different posters with encouraging messages and get well signs were posted over the walls. There were streamers and ribbons draped along the book shelfs and Mike thought he could see something looking like glitter sprinkled over Harvey's desks and the table. There were glasses and a cake waiting on the coffee table.
"Mike! You are finally here!" Louis got up and shook his hand. "I'm so glad you are back here again. Welcome home Mike!"
Mike laughed again and felt how something warm spread inside him. "Thank you Louis, thank you so much for doing this!"
Rachel came and hugged him as well. She looked like she had trouble to keep a straight face.
"Harvey! Don't be stupid!" Donna called. Harvey had yet to come inside the office. He didn't say a word when he did and Mike thought he looked a bit paler than before. He laughed again and the others joined him when Harvey got his foot caught on a ribbon from the couch's backrest.
"This is…different." He said then and forced a smile on his lips.
"I hope you don't greet our clients like this Harvey." Jessica came into the room as well, she was smiling to. "Welcome Mike." She said and stroke his shoulder a little. "I'm glad to see you here."
Mike had the nicest hour he had in a very long time after that. They all laughed and talked and had cake. Harvey calmed down after a few minutes after Donna had whispered something to him. He seemed to have a nice time as well. He was strict with his one hour rule though and on the dot they were out of there. Mike complained only a little.
He thanked Harvey that night when they were seated next to each other on the couch.
"Today meant a lot Harvey. Thank you for making it happen."
"It was mostly Donna."
"I know, but you… everything you do. It means a lot."
Harvey just nodded. "Sure Mike."
They continued to watch the movie in silence for a while. Then Harvey spoke again.
"Did you see what he did to my office?"
"It was hard to miss." Mike smiled.
"Yeah, but all the glitter… It's going to…" Harvey trailed off.
"It was great." Mike said.
"I guess." Harvey muttered.
Mike moved a bit on the couch. He was soon able to rest his head against Harvey's arm.
"Okay." Harvey said then and moved his arm to instead wrap it around Mike's back. "You are welcome." He said quietly. They watched the rest of the movie like that.
-SUITS-
"Harvey you know, you don't have to come with me every time now right? I'm fine going by myself." Mike insisted. Mike had a hospital visit coming up with trial treatment and chemo.
"Are you sure about that?" Harvey studied him.
"Yes, I am." Mike paused. "How about I just ask you to come when I want you to?"
"Sure."
"But if I ask you, you will come, right?"
"Sure Mike. I want you to know that I don't mind coming with you at all. Just ask whenever you need it and I will be there."
"Great! Thanks."
"So now you want to go alone huh?"
"Want to, I don't want to go alone. I'm just saying that I can. You can head to the office for a while if you want."
"Okay. If you are sure. I'll meet you back here in a few hours then."
"Yes."
"Call me if there is something."
"Sure."
"Tell your nurse to call me too."
"Okay."
"Let's go then. Ray is downstairs. Don't forget your jacket."
"Fine, Harvey."
They dropped off Mike at the hospital. Harvey made Ray wait until he saw Mike slowly making his way in through the doors. It was the first time he didn't go in there with him in a while. It felt wrong. He wanted to jump out of the car and run after the kid and make sure he got to where he needed safely. Mike insisted that he didn't need the wheelchair now, but Harvey wasn't so sure about that.
Mike was doing better and all and seemed to have more strength, but it wasn't like he was healthy. He still took more pills than you could count, he still didn't really have an appetite and still looked very ill.
Adam had told him a few days ago that he could see a change in Mike, that this was the best he had seen Mike. And Harvey guessed that was true. Mike had been very sick when they hired Adam. But it wasn't like they could relax. Mike's doctors had told them so much. Illnesses like Mike's did this. There were always ups and downs and Harvey found himself just waiting for it to get worse again.
He needed to get home before Mike this afternoon. It would be a bad evening and night, like it always was after treatment. He was looking at at least three hours in the bathroom with Mike throwing up. It was just how it was. He was used to it. It was their normal. However Mike handled it slightly better nowadays. He never left Mike alone though, even if Mike seemed to think that it was more okay than before. They had a conversation about it the other night.
"You don't have to worry as much about me now Harvey." Mike had said.
"Are you serious? I don't worry much."
"Sure you don't." Mike rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying that I'm feeling a bit better now that's all."
"That doesn't mean that you are better." Harvey said but regretted it a bit when he saw Mike's expression. "But it's good that you are feeling it." He added.
"I was thinking that it would be okay to move my bed back to my room now." Mike said next. "That would be fine with me."
So that was what they would be doing tomorrow. Since it was the day after Mike's treatment Harvey wasn't going to the office. So he had asked Louis to come over and help. His first choice had been Adam, and Louis his last choice, but Donna had convinced him.
"That's not within Adams job description and besides, Louis wants to help."
So Harvey had asked him and Louis had agreed. Harvey was to give him a call and he would come right away. Harvey didn't know what he felt about moving Mike back to his own room. It would certainly be nice to have some privacy again, but now he wouldn't know as easily if Mike needed him. He also wasn't sure as to the reason for this. Was Mike really okay with moving his bed back, or was this something Mike felt obliged to do now when he was supposed to be better? He would need to have another conversation with Mike about this, tell him that it was okay if he changed his mind.
A good time for that conversation didn't appear that night though. Mike got home later than usual and had had some trouble at the hospital. He wasn't happy at all when he got into the condo and wasn't interested in anything else then laying down under a blanket in a quiet room. He said he felt bad and didn't want to move anymore that night.
"I don't want to do anything at all in fact." He mumbled into the pillow. "Shit I feel sick." He groaned. "Is the bucket here?"
Mike was angry and Harvey wasn't that keen on spending time with him. He kept close at time when Mike needed to throw up, both to save his sheets and because Mike needed the help. Harvey kept a hand on his shoulder when it was time, just to stop Mike from falling out of bed.
"I don't like this." Mike groaned. Then he cursed some and closed his eyes. It was a long night and trying night.
Harvey had his alarm set and went up to get Mike's pills. Mike took them without a word after Harvey shook him awake. They both went back to sleep after that. It wasn't what Harvey normally did, but he was tired.
They both felt a bit better after lunch. Mike was up and walking. Not that far, but he made it to the couch. He awkwardly apologized for the night before, but Harvey ignored him.
"So you still want to move back to your room?" Harvey asked when they both were sitting on the couch watching some show that Harvey didn't know the name of but that Mike was pretty invested in.
"Sure." Mike said, not taking his eyes away from the screen.
"If you don't want to it's okay."
Mike glanced at him now. "Do you want me to stay?"
"I'm the one asking you here."
"Harvey, if you want me to stay in your room, I can stay in your room." Mike smirked.
"You know what, I'm calling Louis then."
Mike smiled a little. "It's fine Harvey." He said. "I'm feeling a bit better, you know, at night and stuff." He blushed a little. "I'm just saying that I'm ready for it."
Harvey nodded. "Fine then."
Louis arrived an hour later. Mike was sleeping on the couch by then and didn't wake up when Louis knocked.
"So is he really doing better?" Louis asked when both of them were standing in front of the couch, watching the kid sleep. "He doesn't really look that good."
"He has good days and bad days." Harvey said.
"What's today then?"
"Pretty good actually."
It took them some time to move the bed and Harvey regretted he hadn't hired someone for this. However Louis didn't seem to mind it. Mike woke up when they had gotten the bed out into the living room. He didn't move from his spot on the couch but came with encouraging suggestions that was more or less helpful.
"Mike, either you come here and lift with your knees yourself or you shut up." Harvey eventually told him. Mike just laughed at him and continued.
Louis stayed for dinner and it was actually an enjoyable night. Harvey decided to stay in Mike's room until the kid fell asleep just in case. It all went fine, at least from Mike's part. Harvey on the other hand felt reluctant to leave the room after Mike was out. He just sat there watching Mike sleep. He knew that Mike would call him weird if he woke up and saw him, but he just couldn't bring himself to leave yet. What if something were to happen just this night when Mike was alone? What if he had heart problems and Harvey couldn't hear him call for help? It was a real possibility. Should he just maybe sleep in the chair tonight? Just to be on the safe side. He didn't care what Mike thought about him. He just couldn't go back to his own bedroom. Not yet anyway.
He ended up staying almost three hours in Mike's room before he summed up the will to leave the room. But it was only after he had made damn sure that the baby monitor was working.
-SUITS-
Mike slowly blinked his eyes open. Something was different. He knew it was. But what was it? The ceiling looked different. Oh. That was because he was in his own room. They had switched back yesterday. He glanced towards the side. Harvey wasn't there anymore. He felt both a little relieved over that but he also felt a little sad about it.
Yesterday after he had said goodnight to Harvey he had woken up briefly to find Harvey sitting on the chair next to his bed. Harvey didn't notice that he woke up but Mike felt more comforted by finding him sitting there than he was ever going to admit to anyone. He felt all warm inside by the thought of that Harvey kept watch over him when he slept, even now when Mike didn't really need it.
The whole thing with changing his bed back to his room had been his own idea. It just felt like it was the right thing to do. He actually didn't feel the same need to be around Harvey at all times anymore. He was feeling more okay with being alone from time to time. He didn't totally panic that was. It wasn't that he enjoyed being alone or anything, but it was just that he thought of Harvey as well. It just felt like it was time to give back some of Harvey's privacy. He was pretty sure he could handle it. Now it seemed like he had been handling it better than Harvey yesterday. That was kind of endearing.
He would be able to handle this. And if he got worse he could always as to be moved back to Harvey's room. Maybe.
He had been awake for about ten minutes when Harvey appeared in the doorway.
"Oh, you are up. I was wondering for how long you would be sleeping." Harvey said.
"Hi." Mike said.
"Hi yourself. I'll get your meds."
"Great."
Mike managed to get up into a sitting position in time for Harvey to get back.
"How are you feeling? Sleep okay?" Harvey asked as he handed Mike a glass of water and the first dose of pills.
"I'm okay."
"You in any pain?"
"Just a little."
"Well, swallow those then."
"I was thinking about heading to the office later today." Harvey told him. "If that's okay with you."
"Sure." Mike answered.
"Okay, good. Now, get up."
Mike rolled his eyes at him and sank back down on the pillows. He would get up later.
The morning was slow. He had some breakfast and then moved himself to the living room where he laid and watched how Harvey paced back and forth.
"Are you in a rush or something?" Mike asked.
"What? No. I'm not. I'm just waiting for Adam to get here."
"Okay. But sit down or something. You are making me dizzy with all your walking around."
"I'm not walking around." Harvey said and didn't sit down.
Mike took a little nap. Harvey was doing sort of the same stuff when he woke up again.
"You know, It's fine Harvey. If you want to go to the office, just go to the office."
"Yeah, I will go, but I can't right now, can I? Adam isn't here yet." Harvey told him.
"So you are saying you can't leave because of me?" Mike raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying."
"Harvey, I don't need you to babysit me."
"Yeah, since when?"
Mike rolled his eyes. "Since now." He muttered.
"Yeah, well, I'm not leaving until he gets here."
Mike didn't say anything else. He actually thought Harvey had a point. He didn't want to be totally alone. He didn't really like the fact that Harvey went to the office as well, but he wasn't going to say anything like that. He had decided that it was time for him to get his shit together. He didn't know where that feeling was coming from, but it was just time. Or he wanted to think like that anyway. It wasn't always that he was that successful in actually feeling it for real and not pretend. But on the other hand, if he pretended enough maybe he would start to believe it himself soon.
Harvey was true to his word and didn't leave the condo until Adam got there.
"You can call me if you need to. I won't be gone for long." Harvey said before he left.
Mike just nodded and smiled a little.
The day passed slowly. He let Adam put on some soccer on the TV and watched with faked interest until he fell asleep. Hopefully Harvey would be home when he woke up again. Unfortunately he wasn't when he did, and Mike started to feel a bit down then. He didn't want to ask Adam when Harvey would be back. He didn't want to be like that. He was trying to not be, but he found it hard.
-SUITS-
Thank you all for still reading this story. It is slowly coming to an end. There will be a few chapters more, probably more than I'm thinking now. I hope you will like them too! I have a few twists of course, and some sweet moments planed. Stay tuned! And I love your reviews!