Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

61. Chapter 61 - Nausea

Chapter 61.

Mike was on the couch. The fact that he had gotten there was something he was kind of proud of. He had felt really dizzy this morning and it had taken him some time to get all the way over to the couch. He had declined Harvey's offer of helping him there. Harvey had rolled his eyes at him and had went back to the kitchen where he was cleaning up after breakfast.

Harvey had been home late yesterday. Adam had helped him to bed but he had fought to stay awake until Harvey got back home. Sure he went to bed ridiculously early, but Harvey was still late. He didn't feel like he was going to panic from Harvey not being there, like he had felt before. It was just that he felt disappointed and maybe a bit sad about it. He enjoyed Harvey's company and took great comfort in him being there, close.

Before whenever Harvey wasn't around it was almost like it had hurt in him. To him Harvey represented a safety and comfort that he hadn't known that he could feel towards someone else. Harvey was there when he got ill, when he had a nightmare, when he needed help getting to bed or to help him with his medication. But Harvey was also there when he couldn't breathe, when he had thrown up blood or when his heart had stopped. Harvey had saved his life on many occasions now, both by actually starting up his heart again to making sure he got on the trial. He was still alive because of Harvey. It wasn't that strange then Mike thought, if he preferred to have the older man around.

"Are you staring at me?" Harvey was standing next to couch suddenly.

"What? No."

"You were."

"No, I wasn't."

"You looked like a crazy person." Harvey shook his head and went back to whatever he was doing. Mike rolled his eyes and reached for his phone. Harvey was pretty annoying as well at times. Maybe he could do without him a bit now and then.

"Hi Mike! What's up?"

Adam came after lunch and Harvey left for the office a few hours.

"Hi man, not much." Mike was still on the couch. He hadn't really moved at all today, except for a trip to the bathroom.

"How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?" Adam asked.

"No, not a lot."

"You been on the couch the entire day?"

"Yep."

"That's not good man. You need to get out and about more." Adam smirked. "That's why you and I are going on a little adventure today."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "We are?"

"Yes, and don't worry. I've cleared it with Harvey already and if you get another cold he has promised to only blame you and not me."

"Really? Are you sure about that? Did you put it in writing because if you didn't he will most likely sue you."

"Hmm… I'm in trouble then. No, but we are going grocery shopping."

"What?"

"Yeah, it will be good for you to get out a bit in society."

"Wait? Was it Harvey that tricked you into this? Did he made you believe it was your idea when it was actually his?"

"What? No, who do you take me for? This will be good. Come on, let me check you out and then we'll go."

Mike smiled a bit and sat up so that Adam would be able to measure his blood pressure and listen to his heart. He had to take a few pills and drink two glasses of water. Then Adam put another sweater on him and a thicker hat and made him put on a mask as well.

"What do you got in there?" Mike asked when he saw that Adam put a strange looking bag over the back of his wheelchair.

"Oh, this? It's a portable defibrillator." Adam said and opened it to show him.

"Oh." Mike said and felt himself stiffen a bit and his mood fell. Adam noticed this.

"Better safe than sorry Mike." He simply said and put the bag back. Mike sat down in the chair without a word, he wasn't that thrilled in going anymore.

"You know, I had it the last time we went out as well."

"I didn't notice it then." Mike muttered.

"I was more subtle then I guess."

They rode the elevator in silence. Mike wasn't sure if he wanted to go anymore, but it was too late to change his mind when they got out and Adam started to push him along the sidewalk. It wasn't a lot of people out, but the once they met kept staring at him. Mike resulted in looking down on his lap.

"Okay, here we are." Adam maneuvered him into the grocery store.

"So, you want to get out of that thing?" He asked Mike next.

"I don't know." Mike said. "I don't know if I can make it."

"What are you talking about? Of course you can. Look, take a shopping cart!"

Mike shook his head but stood up. Adam swiftly pushed one of the carts into his hands.

"Good, you take that and I'll take this." He pushed the wheelchair into the store in front of Mike. He had no choice but to follow.

He did make it. He made it without any problems as well, sure sometimes he leaned a lot on the cart and when Adam paid he did sat down. Also he didn't help with loading the bags. It felt great afterwards though when they were on their way home, one bag in Mike's lap and the other hanging from the handle of his chair. It had been nice going shopping. It had felt normal. He had missed that. He had missed it without realizing that he had.

"You know it was ages ago since I was in a store." He said.

"Yeah?"

"Harvey has done all the shopping for me. And I haven't exactly thought about it."

"Well, you are getting better now. Time to try new things again."

"Yeah. I guess." Mike said. They walked in silence for a while. Mike smiled when Adam started to whistle.

"Hey, Adam?"

"Yes."

"Have you worked with a lot of people with heart problems?" Mike asked.

"A few yes."

"Did they have cancer as well?"

"No, they didn't. Heart cancer is very unusual, as you know."

"Yeah, sure. I'm special."

"Why do you ask Mike?"

"I was just wondering how they were handling it?"

"Everyone handles things like this differently. But Mike why do you ask?"

"I have just been thinking that sometimes I don't handle things very well. And I was wondering what others are doing to get through it."

"Well, all of my patients had different environments, opportunities and challenges. You are handling yourself well, in my opinion."

"Thanks. Were you close to them? Do you still keep in contact?"

"With some I was close, others not so much. And no, we are not in contact anymore."

"Oh, is that against the rules or something?" Mike laughed a bit.

"No… it's not. It's…ehm… It's for other reasons." Adam said.

"Oh shit!" Mike exclaimed when he understood what Adam meant. "You are saying that they all passed away, aren't you?"

They were almost back at Harvey's condo and Adam pushed them through the lobby but sat down on a bench across from the elevators.

"Well, yes they did Mike." He said. "I haven't told you this but that's one of my areas, as well as heart deceases."

"What is?"

"End of life care."

Mike just stared at him. "But… but why are you with me then?" He asked.

Adam sighed and looked uncomfortable. "I don't know if I should tell you this Mike. But when I came to work with you that was what I was told this would be from my supervisor."

Mike shook his head. "Are you saying that you took the job because you thought it was end of life care?"

"No, of course not. That wasn't why I took it. But that was what I was told it would be."

"Shit." Mike said. "Ehm…"

"I shouldn't have told you that. I'm sorry Mike."

"Who said that? Who said that I was going to die? Was it Harvey?" As he spoke he felt desperation grow inside him.

"No, Harvey never said that. You know he would never say that. The statistics said that Mike. The statistics of heart cancer, but that clearly doesn't apply to you."

Mike looked down. He didn't know what to say now.

"I'm sorry Mike." Adam said and leaned forward to try and meet his eyes. "But you know, I think you will be my first."

"Your first what?" Mike looked at him now.

"The first one that I will still be in contact with five years from now."

"Five years huh? That's all you are giving me?"

"Well, after that you will probably have moved on. Forgotten all about me."

Mike couldn't help but smile now. "I won't forget you."

Adam smiled to.

"At least not for ten years."

"Oh, thank you."

Mike shook his head. "No, thank you."

They went upstairs after that. Adam put the groceries away and Mike kept him company in the kitchen. They talked about other things, Adam's attempts at dating was one of them.

"I mean when I tell them what I do they just melt you know." The nurse said.

"Yeah, you want to take a selfie with me, and put it on your profile?" Mike said.

"Wow, really? That would get me like a million superlikes!" Adam said and pulled out his phone from his pocket. "Can you look really sick then?"

"You know I was kidding right?" Mike laughed.

"Well, I wasn't! Come on Mike!"

Mike shook his head but slumped down a bit in the wheelchair. "This good? You should stand further away so they can see the wheelchair."

"Good idea, come on, don't look so happy! Smile sadly."

About twenty pictures later Adam was satisfied and helped Mike over to the couch where they watched them together.

"This is great man!" Adam said. "Let's do one more." He then put his arm around Mike and pulled him against him and took it.

"This is actually the best one." He said then. Mike leaned back and just smiled. He had enjoyed himself today. That felt wonderful.

They started to watch a movie after that. Mike got to choose. In the middle of it Adam asked him a question though.

"Mike, I was thinking, maybe it would be interesting for you to join a support group. You would get the opportunity to speak to people that are in your situation. Other cancer patients."

Mike was quiet for a while, but then he even surprised himself a bit with his answer. "Yeah, why not."

"Do you want me to look into it for you then? I can bring you to one a day when you feel up for it."

"Okay." Mike said and they watched the rest of the movie in silence. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go to a support group. He had been offered to do so many times before, but had always refused. But somehow it didn't seem as bad now. As Adam said, it might be interesting.

-HARVEY-

Mike seemed to be in a good mood when Harvey got home. Mike didn't even comment on the fact that he had been late again, he didn't even seem to notice. Adam said goodbye to him with a handshake and nodded at Harvey leaving them alone.

"You want to come and sit down?" Mike asked from the couch. A bit surprised, Harvey did. Mike proceeded to tell him about his day and then asked Harvey how his had been. They had a pretty nice time with Harvey making them some tea and sandwiches.

When it was time for Mike to go to bed he stopped Harvey when he was about to turn off the light.

"Harvey, do you think you can stay here for a while?" He asked.

Harvey looked at him. He didn't look that upset, in fact he was smiling a little.

"Yeah, sure. You want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

"Maybe. For a while at least. I've had a good day today, so I don't want to ruin it."

"And staying by yourself will?" Harvey asked worriedly.

"Maybe. I'm not that tired yet, and I'm going to start thinking about stuff if I'm alone."

"I'll stay. I'm glad you told me Mike." Harvey said and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

They small talked a bit about movies and the case Harvey was working on. After a while Mike started yawning and Harvey stopped talking. Mike fell asleep a few minutes later. Harvey turned on the baby monitor and went to his own room.

Harvey felt well rested when he woke up the next morning. Mike was still asleep when he checked on him and hadn't woken up during the night either. That was great news. Harvey smiled to himself when he started preparing breakfast. It felt like things were slowly starting to turn around for them and Mike was actually improving, at least in some ways.

He went to wake Mike up and gave him his meds that he sleepily accepted.

"What's up today?" He asked and blinked a few times.

"Well, you have a hospital visit at four. But for now I suggest that you go back to sleep for a while."

"Are you going to work?"

"No, not today."

"Sweet." Mike smiled, closed his eyes and was asleep the next minute.

Harvey accompanied him to the hospital that afternoon. They started with a meeting with two of Mike's doctors, where they discussed the medication Mike was taking. They wanted to remove him from two of them and add a new one. It took almost an hour and after that Mike had another session with the trial drug and then chemo. They got home after almost four hours away and the visit had left Mike exhausted.

He groaned out loud when Harvey helped him from the wheelchair to the couch.

"Shit… I don't know if I can deal with this today." He had one arm across his face and the other pressed against his chest.

"You hang in there." Harvey mumbled to him and draped a blanket over his shivering body. Then he went off to prepare for a night of side effects. He got everything he could think of that would be needed. He put his phone to charge in case he would need to use it, got a bucket if Mike needed to throw up and got a few of the meds that might help as well as paper towels. He also prepared for a hot water bottle and got both a glass of water and a glass of juice. Sometimes Mike wanted something with taste, sometimes it made him worse. For himself he got a magazine, changed clothes into something a bit more comfortable and made himself some dinner. Mike would refuse to put anything in his mouth the next hours.

It pained him to see Mike like this. Even though Harvey had gotten him a second blanket he was shivering. He had his eyes tightly shut and he was clearly in pain. Perspiration was lined across his forehead and he moaned a little once in a while.

"Can you help me sit up?" Mike whispered about fifteen minutes later and Harvey tried to be gentle as he hoisted Mike's body up into a sitting position. Mike still groaned and then asked for the bucket. He practically hugged it in his lap for the next two hours. He threw up five times.

When he had been leaning against the backrest of the couch with his eyes closed for about twenty minutes Harvey asked if he thought he was done and got a somewhat affirmative answer. Harvey helped him drink some water and rinse his mouth before getting rid of the damn bucket. Luckily Mike didn't need it more that evening. He fell asleep where he was on the couch with his mouth slightly open. Harvey left him like that for an hour before gently shaking Mike awake and asking if he wanted to sleep on his bed instead. Mike agreed to do so but wasn't able to walk there. Harvey had to carry him both to the wheelchair and to the bed. When he let go of Mike on the bed the kid grabbed on to his t-shirt before he moved away.

"I'll stay here Mike." Harvey told him and carefully removed Mike's hand from his shirt. He arranged Mike to lay more comfortably and then went to sit down next to him. He smiled a little and moved closer as Mike stretched out a hand towards him. The younger man was laying there silently, blinking up at the ceiling. His hand was lax in Harvey's own. It was like Mike didn't even have strength in his fingers to maintain a grip on Harvey's hand.

Harvey mumbled a few encouragements to him and promised to stay. Mike fell asleep a while later. Harvey decided to spend at least an hour in the kid's room before he went to sleep in his own bed. Not thirty minutes later Mike jerked awake and was distressed. He moaned weakly his breathing sped up. Not long after his eyes teared up as well. Harvey couldn't make out what he was saying. Harvey sat down on the edge of the bed and spoke quietly to him. He asked if Mike was alright, if he was hurting, if it had been a nightmare. Mike wasn't aware enough to answer him.

The next day Mike was a lot better. At least he managed to get out of bed by himself and walk to the kitchen. Harvey complemented him on it and Mike shook his head and glared a little.

"Are you feeling any better? No more nightmares?" Harvey asked instead then.

"A little better. No nightmares."

"Good. That's good."

"Are you going to work today?" Mike changed the subject.

"Well, it's Saturday, so no."

"Oh."

Harvey smirked. "Breakfast is ready."

"I'm not hungry." Mike massaged his temple a bit.

"Headache?" Harvey asked.

"Yes."

"Take your meds then. I've prepared them for you."

"Including the new one?"

"Yes."

Somehow Mike got away without eating breakfast and Harvey was a bit mad at himself for it. The kid needed to eat, but said his head hurt and wanted to lay down. Breakfast was forgotten then and when Harvey remembered it Mike was already asleep on the couch.

It still amazed Harvey that Mike could sleep that much. Sure, he was sick, but here he was, sleeping again about thirty minutes after he woke up.

Mike was feeling better when he woke up again. He was in a pretty good mood as well and asked Harvey if he wanted to do something.

"Like what?" he asked skeptically.

"I don't know. We could play a game."

"Play a game? Are you a child? You know what don't answer that. What game?"

They ended up playing a few different card games, since Harvey didn't have any other games at his place. Harvey didn't even know where the deck of cards came from. Maybe Mike had brought it.

Mike won pretty much every time they played except in poker where he couldn't beat Harvey.

"You really don't have a poker face." Harvey said after winning for the third time.

"Yes I do. I have an excellent poker face."

"Oh, please. I know what you are thinking at all times."

"No, you don't. You don't know what I'm thinking right now."

"Oh yes I do. And you should stop doing it. Besides be glad I can read you so well. You would be miserable if I couldn't."

"What are you talking about?"

"For one I know that you need to take your meds and a nap now. You look a bit pale."

"Thats not reading what I'm thinking that's reading the color of my face."

Harvey shook his head at him and went for the meds and a glass of water.

"I also know when you need me to keep you company, I know when I need to back off and I know when I need to distract you to make you feel better." He said as he placed the glass and pills in front of Mike.

The younger man looked at him and smiled.

"I guess I won't work on improving my poker face for a while then."

"No, you better not. Besides I think you are a lost cause anyway."

Mike laughed a little and swallowed the last pill. He only took a few careful sips of the water. He then went to lay down while Harvey started with lunch.

Mike barely ate anything even though Harvey nagged him about it. He then went to lay down again and stayed there until dinner where he ate even less. He didn't speak much either and the good mood he had been earlier during the day was gone.

The next day was a Sunday and Harvey stayed at home again. Donna and Rachel came over for a short while. They came around eleven but Mike was still in bed then. He had just taken his pills and then gone back to sleep.

"It's the weekend." He had mumbled and closed his eyes again. So Harvey had left him alone. Now he let Donna go in and wake him up.

Mike seemed to like that they were there but he was reluctant to get out of bed. Harvey told him to not be rude so Mike agreed to move to the couch where he quickly laid down.

They ordered lunch together but Mike said he didn't want anything. Harvey ignored him and ordered for him anyway. Harvey didn't know if Mike didn't eat it then just to make a point.

Harvey and Donna sat down by the kitchen island and talked while Rachel sat with Mike. They planned out the next week, looked at Mike's hospital appointments and compared them with Harvey's meetings. Harvey also texted Adam with a few times he would need the nurse's service.

Harvey had taken on a new case that involved one of his clients that had gotten sued. It looked like the case was going to court which mean more work for Harvey. He had talked it over with Mike before he accepted and Mike said it was fine. Besides Harvey could do much of his work from home.

Harvey took notice of Mike's lack of eating that evening. Mike refused to get off the couch and come to the table so Harvey gave in and they ate on the couch, at least he ate. Mike didn't. Harvey sighed to himself knowing how this was going to go.

"You're not hungry?" He was going to play oblivious at first to see Mike's response.

Mike just said he wasn't.

"You didn't have breakfast and barely ate for lunch. What's up?"

"I told you, I'm not hungry." Mike insisted.

"We have been over this before. You have to eat anyway."

"Whatever. I don't feel good right now, okay."

Harvey couldn't help but sigh. Of course it had to be something. "Okay, what's up then?"

"I told you, I don't feel good."

"Okay. But try to eat something at least."

Mike agreed to try and Harvey had to settle with that.

However things got a bit worse from there. Mike barley ate the next day either. Adam was with him during the day and the nurse didn't manage to get much into him either. Mike claimed he felt nauseated and remained either in bed or on the couch. He slept a lot and was reluctant to move. However he never threw up or anything.

They went to the hospital the day after and Harvey let them know about the eating situation. Mike said he was too nauseated to eat. They told him that it was important that he ate anyway and recommended a bunch of food that were easy on the stomach. They even told Harvey that it was important that Mike got all the nutrients that he needed. Otherwise they would need to start him on an IV. Harvey thought that threat would make Mike eat, but he didn't and Harvey was getting annoyed. Afterwards he guessed that he could have handled it better than he did.

-MIKE-

Harvey wasn't listening to him at all. Mike was pretty angry at the older man because of that. It was just that he kind of felt too bad to argue at the moment, and that sucked too.

He didn't know where this nausea had come from. It was really the worst. He knew that Harvey was right when he went on about him needing to eat, but it just wasn't worth it. He had thrown up when he had tried, not as soon as he had eaten but a while later. He hadn't even told Harvey about it. He wasn't sure why. It had been when Adam was there, and Mike was pretty sure the nurse didn't notice it.

He hated this feeling. It felt like if he just would move a tiny bit he would throw up. It was weird though that he hadn't thrown up much more. The nausea was just there. Sitting up was out of the question. Sometimes it even didn't help laying down.

He felt pretty miserable actually. This was just one other thing he had to deal with, another thing that he didn't want to deal with. Things didn't get easier either when Harvey refused to take him seriously when he said that he was feeling bad.

Harvey was on him all the time now. It was like all he talked about. It wasn't like he was going to drop dead from not eating that much for a little while. He had been through worse, but Harvey seemed to have forgotten that. That him not eating was nothing. Harvey should just focus on other things and leave him alone. Well, not actually alone, he didn't want that, but maybe just get off his back a bit.

What he did most of the time now was to just lay down and try to stay as still as possible. It helped a little, but he still felt like crap whenever he moved. He just wished it would pass. All he did was laying there waiting for it to be over. Sometimes he just felt angry and sometimes he felt like crying, but he didn't think that would help. Crying would also mean too much movement. But the feeling was there.

However he noticed that the whole not eating thing affected him. He felt kind of weak and shaky. After the hospital visit when they had talked about getting him on an IV he had become a bit more motivated to try and eat. If he just could power through it. Maybe do it quickly to get it over with and then go and lay down and hope that everything stayed down.

However when it was actually time for dinner he just couldn't. He had forced himself to at least sit at the dinner table with Harvey. It sucked though. He had to lean his head on his hand just to get his head a bit more stable. Didn't work that well.

"I have mad soup Mike. It's easy to eat. You can do it." Harvey encouraged him.

Mostly to please Harvey he lifted his spoon to his mouth but couldn't get himself to actually put it in his mouth. He swallowed convulsively and put it down again. Harvey sighed. A minute later he tried again with the same result.

"Just put it in your mouth and swallow." Harvey said.

Mike glared at him. He shakily reached for his glass instead and took a tiny sip of water.

"Come on Mike."

He managed about ten spoons, before he had to stop and go and lay down. It had been awful and taken him about twenty minutes.

Harvey thought it was nothing and didn't want him to leave the table, but Mike ignored him. He had to lay down. The rest of the evening was just awful. He felt so nauseated that he wished he would pass out. He didn't want to take his evening pills either. Nothing would come near his mouth. Harvey didn't care at all though. He stood next to him and practically forced the pills on him. Mike couldn't help but get mad.

"Yes! I'm taking them. Just shut up Harvey!" He finally yelled.

Harvey was tense next to him and pressed his lips together.

Luckily Mike was able to fall asleep pretty quickly. He woke up from the nausea at least four times during the night. Every time it felt like he would throw up, but didn't. He was emotional, tired and sad the next day. Harvey stayed at home with him that day, but Mike actually would have preferred someone else there. Someone that wouldn't complain when he only had about a quarter of a bowl of yoghurt for breakfast. Someone that would just give him a break. He needed that. Things were not going to end well if Harvey kept pushing him like this.

He spent about thirty minutes in the bathroom after breakfast and did throw up a bit then, not as much as he had expected though. It was gross nevertheless.

Mike pretended to be asleep when Harvey called him over to eat lunch. It didn't really work because Harvey came and gently shook him so that he had to pretend to wake up as well.

"I've made some lunch. I'd like you to try and eat some of it." Harvey kindly said, but Mike just wished he would leave.

"I don't think I can eat anything now. I'm not hungry." Mike tried, but Harvey wouldn't have it.

"Sure you can eat. Come on, I cooked it from scratch."

Harvey looked kind of proud of himself and Mike hated him a little for that. It made it harder to refuse.

"You do realize that I feel nauseous right? Eating isn't my top priority."

"Well, you have to make it your priority then. All I'm asking is that you come and eat it and then you can go back to bed. Please Mike."

Mike swallowed hard and then said yes to coming. He felt like he had to. Although the moment he sat up he wished that he could take it back, but Harvey had made an effort for him and he felt like he needed to push through for a bit. It was just nausea. He could get through it.

Harvey had set the table and Mike felt weak and dizzy when he reached his chair.

Harvey pushed a plate towards him then. The portion wasn't big but Mike's stomach still turned at the sight of it. Mike found himself sitting there staring at it until Harvey cleared his throat.

"I do feel nauseas you know." Mike informed him. Harvey nodded as he took a bit of his own.

"But just try anyway. You haven't thrown up so you will probably be able to eat anyway. Just power through it kid."

Mike hesitantly took a bite. It grew in his mouth but Mike still swallowed it when he saw that Harvey was looking at him. He forced down three more mouthfuls before putting his fork down.

Harvey rolled his eyes at him and Mike felt his stomach tightened, this time for another reason than nausea. Harvey wasn't being fair. He didn't take him seriously.

He didn't look up when Harvey sighed. "Look Mike, I know you feel bad right now, but it doesn't matter. You have to eat. You got to get some nutrition into you. Otherwise you will not get better. You are smart. You must know this."

"I know that Harvey. I know, but what about that I feel nauseated are you not getting? Right now I can't eat."

"Of course you can!" Harvey exclaimed. "It's all in your head. Just decide you will eat and you can do it."

"What the hell do you mean it's in my head? Do you think I'm imagining?"

"I didn't say that."

"What are you saying then?"

"I'm saying that all you need to do is to decide that you are going to do it and then just do."

"You are making it sound so easy, but you don't know shit about how I'm feeling. If you felt like this you wouldn't even get out of bed!"

"I would have gone to work!" Harvey said and Mike felt anger grow even more in him then.

"I'm done." He said and started to get up.

"No you are not." Harvey said. "I made that for you. I followed a damn recipe that I got from your nutritionist. Did you know I had a meeting with her about your nutrition? The least you can do is eat it!"

Mike clenched his teeth together and remained where he was. He glared at Harvey.

"You know I appreciate what you are doing for me Harvey, but…"

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I feel sick!" He was angry now.

"I don't care. Eat it."

"No, it tastes like shit!" Mike exclaimed, pushing the plate away. He stared at Harvey and saw how his jaw clenched in anger. Maybe that hadn't been his best move of the day. Suddenly he had a feeling the he wouldn't get out of this.

Harvey just pushed the plate back in front of him. "Eat it." He repeated.

Mike was breathing hard and looked down on it. He weighed his options. He could continue refusing, that was what he wanted now more to prove his point than anything. He didn't want to back down. But he wasn't sure that he was going to win this. He felt like shit and he wanted to go and lay down. If he kept this up it would take a long time before he got to do that. Besides he felt a bit stupid about the whole thing. He knew Harvey was right and that he needed to eat, but he wasn't sure if he could right now.

"You said before that I only needed to eat some of it." It was worth a try, but Harvey wasn't having it now. He was pissed.

"Yeah, well. I changed my mind. Now you are eating all of it."

Mike sighed and picked up his fork. It was hard to swallow and it felt like it was going to come right back up. He took another bite, and then another. It was horrible and he felt so bad that his eyes kind of started to burn. He looked over at Harvey to see if he would consider letting him go now. But Harvey wasn't even looking at him. He had nearly finished his own portion though. Hopefully he would want to leave then and Mike could do the same.

"Why aren't you eating?" Harvey asked then, pushing his own plate away looking up at Mike.

Mike didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to get out of it anymore.

"It doesn't taste gross actually." He said.

Harvey just looked at him.

"I meant it when I said that I appreciate the effort you put in to make it Harvey. I really do."

"Just cut it out Mike. I know what you are doing." Harvey interrupted him.

"What am I doing?"

"You are trying to charm me to get out this. But don't bother."

Mike glared at him. "I wasn't doing that." He looked down his still barely touch food again. He felt so sick and somehow even worse at the sight of it and of having to actually eat it. What he needed was to lay down not to sit here like this. He told Harvey that but the older man just shrugged.

"Just eat it and then you can go." He said.

"I'm not some child Harvey."

"You could have fooled me. Look, I can sit here all night. It's up to you."

Mike gripped the edge of the table hard. Damn it! He took the fork again and quickly stuffed his mouth with a few bites. He groaned a little at the feeling. What was wrong with him? He forced the damn tears from appearing. At least he had had half of it now and strangely it hadn't come back up. He almost wished it would now, so that he could show Harvey how bad he really was. No, he was done now.

"Screw this. You can't force me. I'm leaving."

He made an attempt to get up and was surprised when Harvey took him by the arm and pushed him back down on the chair.

"Actually you are not. You are staying put until it's finished. I'm done with your shit Mike. Just eat it."

"Let me go!" Mike got Harvey's hand off him and glared at him. He hadn't thought Harvey had been that serious in forcing him but clearly he was. He looked angry and Mike knew he was no match for Harvey. If Harvey wanted to physically keep him here he could. He was screwed.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked, hating himself a bit when his voice shook pathetically.

"To you? I'm doing this for you. You have barely eaten in days…"

"Because I feel sick!" Mike almost yelled at him, but Harvey wasn't faced.

"You will end up at the hospital again and this time it will be your own fault. You need nutrition into you to get better. You have to put in some effort now Mike. I know you feel like crap, but maybe you can just ignore it. I don't know, get some control over yourself. What if they remove you from the trial, huh? If your values get to bad?"

"They wouldn't do that!"

"Are you sure about that?"

Mike shook his head. He hadn't thought about that. But they couldn't do that right? But what if they had told Harvey something and this was why Harvey was pushing so hard on this? He squirmed on the chair and wished that he could just threw up already. Now he felt sick for another reason too. He felt scared now. He bent his head down so that Harvey wouldn't see his tears that now kind of escaped. The food was still in front of him. He quickly wiped his eyes and yet again picked up the fork. He then started eating. It was cold now. It was tasteless and no matter how long he shewed it didn't seem to get to a point where he could swallow it.

What made it worse was that the damn tears didn't stop coming and Harvey was just sitting there opposite of him, staring.

He leaned his head in his hand and was able to block his eyes.

"Come on. It's not that bad! Are you seriously crying about this now? Unbelievable." Harvey muttered. Mike didn't answer, he couldn't handle more conversation right now. He wished Harvey would shut up instead of sitting there making it all worse.

He had about three bites left now much to his relief. But he just couldn't do it anymore. He felt so dizzy. He allowed himself to lean over the table and rest his head on his arms. He wasn't sure if he would be able to sit up again.

"God damn it Mike!" Harvey exclaimed then. Mike heard how he got up and then the sound of him getting the plates and walking away. Mike didn't bother looking up, but he understood that Harvey had taken his plate even though he wasn't done yet. He felt incredibly relieved, so much so that he actually sobbed a little. It was over. It was over!

He didn't know how long he sat there, not moving. Harvey didn't come back. He was angry with him now. Truthfully he could understand Harvey. He was acting like an idiot. But he still wanted Harvey to come back. He should probably be angry right back at Harvey for forcing him to eat like this, like he was a five year old or something. Right now though, all he wanted was for Harvey to come and comfort him. Maybe just help him over to the couch and then sit next to him and stroke his back until the nausea and dizziness went away. That was what he wanted. He cried a little more because it wasn't going to happen. Harvey was too mad at him. What if he had left?

Suddenly it all changed. It was happening. He dizzily sat up and put a hand over his mouth. The bathroom! He needed to get there right now. He was too dizzy though from leaning down for so long. He groaned when it came up and he was still at the table. He pushed away from it and managed to get on his legs. However they didn't carry him for long and he realized that he wouldn't make it. Shit! He made a quick decision to try to get to the kitchen instead, but only got a few steps before it got too much. It poured out of his mouth and he couldn't remain standing, instead he fell hard on his knees down on the floor. In a second he reflected on how much it hurt and then he was too busy with remaining on all fours. It just went on and on. He didn't have the strength to hold his head up, it just hang there. He was afraid that he would pass out. He was aware of movement next to him. Harvey was speaking but he couldn't make out what he was saying. His arms shook and just when they were about to give out strong hands caught him around his chest. He just hung there and it was still going on. Why wouldn't it stop? He needed to breathe. He coughed and Harvey yelled something. Then it finally stopped and he coughed some more. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he wanted to pass out. He needed to lay down. Harvey was holding all of his weight now. Mike wanted him to let go.

-HARVEY-

Mike was unbelievable! Harvey didn't understand how he could go on like that just to get out of eating. He didn't know what the kid's problem was. He needed to eat, it was that simple and Harvey worried when he didn't. He just wanted the younger man to start eating again so that they didn't have another setback. They had been through not eating phases before and they had ended up with Mike on an IV in the hospital. If Harvey could prevent that from happening he would do it, even if it meant being hard on Mike.

Frankly he had been annoyed at him as well. He had cooked him food from a recipe and all. Even googled a bit before to see what types of food that were easy on the stomach. But Mike didn't care about that at all. He had considered himself done after like five mouthfuls.

They had been almost an hour at the table before Harvey had enough, and Mike was in tears. Harvey didn't know if he was faking it or not. Maybe he was. He felt angry at him anyway. He had sworn at the kid and said some words that he kind of regretted now when he sat and thought back on it by his desk in Mike's room. When he had left the table about forty minutes ago Mike had been slumped over the table with his face hidden in his arms. Probably crying. Damn him.

Harvey rubbed his eyes and leaned back. Why couldn't this just be over? Why couldn't Mike just get better already? It was about damn time. He looked out over the room. Mike's bed in the corner next to the door. The messy table next to it with papers, an apple, a glass of water untouched, Mike's iPad, and the photo of Mike and his grandmother. There were a blanket on the floor next to the bed along with one of Mike's sweaters and some pants. A bucket was also standing next to the bed in case Mike needed to throw up. Which he hadn't. Normally when the kid said he felt bad he would throw up, but he hadn't done that this time. And that was why Harvey couldn't help but think that he was exaggerating.

He turned back to his computer and tried to focus on the case again. A box of pills caught his attention though. He had pushed a few of them to the side to be able to fit his computer there. Maybe he should do some cleaning around the condo?

That was when he heard commotion from the living room. It sounded like Mike had tipped his chair over. He sighed and stood up to go and see what was happening. Then he heard the sounds of Mike throwing up and he found himself stopping in his steps and close his eyes. Damn it, damn it, damn it. This was going to suck. Apparently Mike hadn't been faking it.

At first he couldn't see him, but there he was, on all fours with vomit splashing out of his mouth on the floor beneath him. Shit! He should have left a bucket or something with the kid.

"Mike!" He called out. "You got sick, huh?" Stupid thing to say but Mike didn't react anyway. He was busy after all. Harvey stepped close to him careful of avoiding the vomit. He would get to start cleaning sooner than he thought.

"You didn't have time to reach the bathroom?" He asked.

Why wasn't he stopping? It just kept coming out of him. It was gross and the smell was in the air now. Harvey covered his nose briefly, but then he saw how Mike's arms were shaking. Was he going to pass out? He leaned forward and hooked his hands under Mike to stop him from face planting on the floor. He was just in time because he almost immediately bore Mike's whole weight.

"Mike are you with me?" He asked. How could this go on for so long? Could he even breathe?

"Mike!"

The man coughed now and moaned making Harvey feel bad for him. He was finally done. But it worried Harvey when Mike made no attempt at doing anything at all. He just hang in Harvey's grip. There were a pool of vomit in front of them. Mike had gotten it on his hands.

Harvey swore as he tried to get a better grip on Mike. "Mike, are you done? Can you talk to me?" Harvey tried to get an answer out of the kid, but nothing.

He managed to avoid the mess on the floor and dragged Mike over to the couch. He got him propped up on it and grabbed some tissues that were on the coffee table. He wiped Mike's hands clean the best he could, but they smelled. He needed to get him to the bathroom. Mike's eyes were opened but he didn't he didn't say anything.

Harvey wiped his face a bit as well. He needed to get some water and do it properly. He patted Mike's cheek a bit.

"How are you doing?" He asked. "Talk to me."

Mike looked at him then. He had tears in his eyes. He just shook his head a little and closed his eyes. Harvey felt like shit then. He didn't know what to say to make any of this better.

"Okay. You rest for a bit." He said eventually. "I'll just go and clean up a bit."

He did not look forward to that. It was gross and a lot. He felt a little nauseated as well from the smell. It took him about fifteen minutes. He went and checked on Mike again to find him in the same position as before. He looked to be sleeping, at least he didn't respond when Harvey asked him how he was. He also didn't stir when Harvey draped a blanket over him. Harvey got a few things to prepare for another incident that hopefully wouldn't come. Then he got his computer and sat down by the table so that he had a view of Mike.

Mike was pale and looked tense. Maybe he was just pretending to sleep to avoid speaking to him. Harvey did feel guilty. He didn't want to feel it, but he did. He had forced Mike to eat after all. It was his fault. He had ignored Mike when he said he felt bad. Well, the kid had certainly proved his point.

Mike suddenly groaned and started to try and sit up. He struggled widely with it and Harvey got up to help him. Unfortunately Harvey wasn't quick enough to reach him and Mike wasn't strong enough to get up. Harvey desperately searched for the damn bucket but then saw how Mike gulped and how his cheeks budged out. He couldn't keep it in and he threw up both over his chest and the couch. Shit. It went on for a few seconds as Mike still tried to sit up. Harvey swore to himself as he came up to Mike and saw that he had placed the bucket on the floor next to Mike. So much for that.

"Oh no…" Mike moaned then. He was done now and some of it was dribbling down his cheek. He looked terrified up at Harvey.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Harvey shook his head. "No, no… it's…it's fine." He didn't like the look on Mike's face at all.

"I didn't…I didn't mean it."

"I know. I know you didn't. You couldn't help it kid."

"I tried to… I tried…"

"I know." Harvey swallowed hard. Mike moaned weakly and tried to sit up again.

"I'm just going to go and…" Harvey said and stood up. Mike looked up at him then with desperation in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry, I said I was sorry."

Harvey nodded. "I know Mike. I'll be right back. I'm getting cleaning supplies."

"No, don't go! I don't want you to go. I'm sorry!"

"I'll be right back."

Harvey felt how his eyes burned as he left, he didn't turn around when Mike called for him. Mike was devastated and close to become hysteric and it was all Harvey's fault. This had turned steep downhill fast. Mike must really feel like shit now. He was in a really bad place mentally right now and that was Harvey's fault.

He went to the cleaning closet and got a bucket and then some towels and paper. Mike didn't stop calling for him. It hurt in Harvey to hear him, he begged for him to come back, pleaded for forgiveness. He didn't have anything to apologize for but must think that he had. He must think that Harvey was still pissed at him. Mike was scared.

When Harvey returned to the couch Mike was still trying to get up unsuccessfully. He was panting and tears were streaming along his face. He was shaking as well from the effort of trying to sit up. His body wasn't cooperating with him at all.

"Harvey…" He moaned when Harvey sat down next to him.

"I'm here. Calm down Mike."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please!"

"I know. I know you are, and I'm telling you that you don't have to be. Stop Mike." He gently pushed Mike back down. Mike trembled when Harvey took a towel over his face.

"We need to get this off you." He mention for the soiled hoodie. Mike looked at him like he didn't understand a word.

Harvey tried to wipe some of the vomit off his chest careful of not getting it on his hands. Mike groaned when Harvey pulled the sweater over his head. He then removed a blanket and one of the couch pillows that had been unfortunate enough to be in Mike's way. Mike was looking up at him the whole time and Harvey found it hard to meet his eyes. When he did he could see fear there. He just wanted to erase it. He needed to make this right again. He had made a mistake today. Mike was a very ill person still. Harvey had somehow ignored that today.

The younger man didn't say anything and he still had tears in his eyes. Harvey patted his shoulder and pulled a new blanket over him.

"I'll be right back." He quickly went to dump the soiled fabrics in the laundry basket and got a glass of water on his way back to the couch. Mike was in the same state when he returned. He didn't call for him.

"You should try and drink something, rinse your mouth." Harvey told him and held the glass forward. But Mike shrugged away.

"No…" He whispered. "Please don't make me." He looked away and Harvey saw how he gripped the blanket in his hands.

"Okay, you don't have to." Harvey hurried to say.

Mike's mouth opened and closed a few times.

"I…I feel sick." He eventually got out. "I…" He bit his lips and weakly threw a hand over his eyes. Harvey just remained where he was. Suddenly Mike whimpered and removed his hand, he wore a panicked expression.

"I need…to sit up." He panted and tried to do so. "Sit up…"

Harvey acted as fast as he could when he realized what was going on. He gripped Mike under the arms and heaved him upright, one hand then kept him steady as he fumbled for the bucket with the other. He was right in time to avoid another couch disaster. Mike hung over the bucket in his lap but would have fallen back down if Harvey didn't kept him in place.

It went on for much longer than the both of them would have liked. Harvey ended up with holding one hand across Mike's forehead and the other across his chest to ensure that Mike was able to get it out of him. It was almost scary the way Mike just hung there. When he finally was down Harvey managed to lean him against the back of the couch so that he still was sitting up with the bucket in his lap under his head. Mike had his eyes closed and was breathing hard. Tears dropped from his eyes and he shook once in a while.

"I'm so sorry." Harvey said. "It'll pass. You'll feel better."

Mike gulped and opened his mouth when liquid ran out of it. He sobbed a little and braced himself against the bucket. He coughed which caused him to throw up yet again. It went on like that. Every few minutes Mike stomach seemed to contract and watery liquid came out of his mouth. Harvey felt so bad for him, as well as guilty.

Mike didn't get better, on the opposite. He just continued to throw up every few minutes, even though he didn't have anything left inside him. He was gagging nevertheless. Harvey remained next to him and tried his best to help. It wasn't much he could do though. He thought of calling the hospital.

Mike moaned and mumbled something. Harvey leaned closer to him.

"What was that Mike?"

"It's…it's…not stopping." Mike whispered. "I wa-want it to…"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for forcing you to eat. It's my fault. I should have listened to you."

Mike didn't answer him, he just whimpered a little. Harvey stroke his back.

"It'll stop. It'll get better." He said.

"It hurts…" Mike mumbled.

"I'm sorry." Harvey whispered. "What hurts?"

"My throat."

"Yeah, I can imagine. Is it anything I can do Mike? Anything?"

"Anything?" Mike whispered.

"Sure."

"Help me." Mike said.

"I'm trying. Tell me how?"

To Harvey's surprise Mike started to cry then. He shook where he was and Harvey moved a bit closer to him. "Hey, hey…" He mumbled.

"Can you just stay?" Mike sobbed. "Can you just stay? Don't leave."

Harvey's stomach clenched. Mike wanted him to stay again. He knew that he felt bad then when he came to that. Mike wanted his physical comfort, he wanted to feel safe and not alone. Just like he always did when things got bad.

"Sure." He said. He then with some effort sat down on the couch behind Mike and put an arm around him. "I'm right here. You don't have to feel scared. I'm going to stay with you until you feel better."

Mike just cried. It broke Harvey's heart.

He did start to calm down a while later. The throwing up seemed to have stopped as well because Mike suddenly leaned away from where he was slumped over the bucket and leaned back against Harvey. Harvey instead put an arm around his chest and stroked a little. They stayed like that for a while. Mike only threw up two more times that day. Harvey helped him to bed later that evening and coaxed him to drink a bit of water with his medication.

Mike was so hesitant but didn't say anything.

"Are you scared I'm going to force you?" Harvey asked on a whim. He felt like shit when Mike nodded.

"It's just to help you swallow the pills. I won't do that to you again."

Mike nodded then and accepted the water.

"I was stupid before." He said. "But I tried to tell you."

"I know, and I didn't listen. It's on me. Not you."

Mike looked like he didn't believe him so Harvey told him again.

"How about we head to the hospital tomorrow and check on what we can do for you huh?"

Mike agreed so they went the next morning. Harvey accepted it when Mike didn't want to eat breakfast.

Mike was subdued at the hospital and weakly said yes when Harvey asked him if he felt nauseated.

"It's not as bad as yesterday."

They had to wait for a while on a bench outside Mike's doctor's office. Mike leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He didn't answer when Harvey spoke to him. They were seen too and the doctor promised to yet again make adjustments to Mike's medication.

"I should have known that was what it was." Mike said in the car on their way back home. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"It's okay." Harvey said because he sounded so disappointed with himself.

"No, it's not. My brain is regressing or something. Before I would have figured out that it was the medication right away, I didn't even think of it now."

"You can't figure out everything. What are you? Some genius?" Harvey tried to joke, but Mike just looked out of the window.

"So, maybe we should talk about what happened yesterday?" Harvey suggested when they got home and they both were on the couch.

"Why?" Mike said.

"I think we should. I feel pretty bad about it."

"Yeah me too, so I don't want to talk about it."

"Why do you feel bad about it? You tried to tell me..." Mike didn't let him finish.

"I feel embarrassed about it, okay. I acted like and idiot. Like a child."

"But you couldn't really help it, could you?" Harvey said carefully.

"No, but I should be able to!"

"I kind of treated you like a child too." Harvey said.

"I know you were worried, because I didn't eat." Mike said flatly. "I know Harvey. But I don't know why I behave like that…" He trailed off.

"Let's just forget about it." Harvey suggested.

Mike sighed. "You know I can't." He said and Harvey looked over to him when his voice broke. Mike was hugging himself tightly and biting his lips. Tears were starting to gather in his eyes.

"Hey…"

Mike didn't react.

"What is it? Do you still feel sick? Talk to me?" Harvey tried. But Mike leaned his head away and shook it a bit. Harvey decided to just wait. He got his reward a minute later.

"I just feel so pathetic. You know, when I am like that. I can't control it." He drew a deep breath and Harvey just listened.

"I just get this need or whatever inside of me, like this desperation and I feel like nothing will ever be alright again. But if… if you… if you are there…" Mike paused for so long that Harvey almost thought he wouldn't continue, but he did.

"If you are there, and if you are staying there I know it's okay for the time being. You will…stop…it."

Harvey couldn't help but smile a little. He nodded. "I'm glad I can do that for you Mike." He said quietly.

"I just get so afraid sometimes." Mike continued then. "That you don't want to be there. That's why I get like that, you know? Like begging you and stuff. I'm just trying to keep you there."

Mike still wasn't looking at him, but he had tears in his eyes still.

"Can you look at me?" He asked and then waited until Mike did. This was an important moment for them.

"I am here." He said. "I will be here."

"I know Harvey. I know you are. I know now, but then, yesterday. I didn't know. In the moment I don't know. When I have that feeling."

Harvey shrugged a little. "That's okay. Like you said, you can't control it. So don't try."

"But I feel so bad about having it."

"Don't. Or try not to. I don't care Mike. You are not pathetic and I don't think less of you if that's what you are afraid of. I know you can't help it. And I think I know, or can imagine where the feeling is coming from. That desperation you were talking about I mean. I think it's kind of a normal reaction for someone in your position."

"You think?" Mike whispered.

"Of course. I would probably act the same."

Mike smiled then. "No, you wouldn't!"

Harvey smiled back. "I think you are handling yourself well. And that you should cut yourself some slack. It's okay to feel whatever you feel. You can't control your emotions."

"Thank you Harvey." Mike said. He then with some effort shuffled closer to Harvey. So close that he was able to lean against him. He groaned a bit and managed to get his legs upon the couch to be able to lay down.

"You are welcome kid." Harvey said and placed his arm around Mike.

-SUITS-