Chapter 66.
Mike was sleeping. It was late at night. He was wearing a breathing mask. Harvey still held on to his hand. He felt like he had to. It kept him grounded. It helped him to make sure that Mike was still doing okay, that he was still alive. Mike had almost died again this morning. Harvey couldn't help but think about that. What if he had been asleep and hadn't heard him? He almost felt physically ill at the thought of waking up and going out into the kitchen to find Mike… No, he couldn't finish that thought.
It had come so sudden. He had thought that Mike was doing fine. Hell, he had been fine. He had made breakfast for him and Donna just this morning. He had been in a good mood, had laughed and joked around. But here they were now. Mike had been doing the dishes when he collapsed. Harvey had told him to do it. What if he had felt bad, but done it anyway because Harvey told him to?
Harvey couldn't help but blame himself about letting it get this far. They should have gone to the hospital much earlier. Mike came to him and told him about that his heart had been acting strange lately. They should have gone in immediately then. What had they been thinking? Why had he let it get this far?
Suddenly Mike moaned and squirmed a bit. His eyes blinked opened and Harvey leaned forward. Mike's hand came up towards the mask over his face, but Harvey stopped him.
"No, Mike. Leave that alone."
The man seemed to notice that Harvey was there first then. For a moment he just looked at Harvey.
"I'm in pain." He then whispered. Harvey hurriedly pushed the call button.
"They'll come and help you." He said. "Your chest?"
Mike nodded. Harvey hoped that Mike's ribs weren't broken. When he performed CPR, he hadn't noticed anything that indicated it was the case. He didn't know if they had X-rayed Mike. Mike pulled his hand away from Harvey's and pressed both of his hands over his chest. He turned his head away from Harvey.
A nurse soon arrived and administrated a higher dose of pain killers to Mike and he soon fell asleep again. Harvey stayed up about two more hours, but Mike didn't wake up during that time. Harvey realized that he needed to lay down after that. He had trouble keeping his eyes opened and at least two of the nurses that had been by had told him that he should sleep some. He realized that he would be of better use to Mike if he was actually functioning, and he wouldn't be if he didn't sleep.
Donna arrived before breakfast the next morning. She brought greetings from everyone at the office. She said that she would let them know when Mike was up for visitors, they had all wanted to come. Mike was still sleeping and had apparently done so during the entire night, which was a good sign.
A nurse came to wake him up little after nine and he was taken away for a few tests. Harvey demanded to come with them if they would have him do an MRI. Mike looked tiredly at him then and said that he would be fine, but Harvey refused to budge, and they promised to let him know in that case.
While Mike was away Donna arranged so that Harvey could be examined himself. They drew some blood, took his temperature and checked his throat among a few other things. His fever was gone they said, something that Harvey could have told them as well. They deemed him mostly healthy except for a small cold, that would go away with rest. Harvey didn't want to rest. But it was good news. He wouldn't have to worry so much around Mike. They did tell him though to keep wearing a mask around the kid for a few more days.
Luckily Harvey was able to get back to Mike's room before the younger man came back. Mike was helped over to his bed and it took the two nurses that was with him a few minutes to get him settled. Mike just laid there without speaking, his eyes were only halfway opened, and his head was tilted to the side. He nodded a little at the questions of one of the nurses. After that Harvey and Mike was left alone.
"How are you?" Harvey asked.
Mike didn't move at all. "Tired." He breathed. "A bit drugged up. I think." He added.
"Yeah, I bet."
"How are you? Are you still sick?" Mike whispered next. He seemed too tired to raise his voice.
"The mask is just a precaution." Harvey assured him. "I'm doing okay."
Mike nodded and his eyes soon slipped close as he fell asleep.
Yet again the familiar routine of staying at the hospital started. It wasn't that different from other times. Doctors and nurses came and went. Mike was examined countless times, he even had to do an MRI, which went well. That was mostly because Mike was pretty drugged up. He got a bit anxious during it, but Harvey got to speak to him, and Mike actually fell asleep inside the machine. He woke up first when a nurse shook him awake, to help him move to the wheelchair.
Mike did sleep a lot of the time they stayed there. He slept through meals, exams and visits from their colleagues. Harvey had woken him before Jessica and Louis had arrived and Mike was able to have a conversation for a few minutes before his eyes slipped close and he was out.
Rachel visited as well, and Harvey had left the two of them alone for a bit to go home and get a few clean sets of clothes and take a shower. When he returned, Mike was asleep with Rachel laying beside him on the bed, his head resting against her arm. Rachel smiled a bit at him and shrugged, so Harvey left for another hour to get some food.
After four days in a hospital bed Mike was doing better. He was more alert and stayed awake for longer periods of time. Mike expressed a wish to go back home and it was decided that he could. Adam came over to the hospital and joined a meeting with two of Mike's doctors and Harvey. It was the usual stuff. They talked about all the consequences of Mike's heart cancer and the treatment and trial doses he was receiving. They told him yet again about everything they needed to look out for, risks, diets and medication. Appointments for regular check-ups were set, three times a week. Adam were to work with them more for some time, until Mike was more stable. Harvey thought it was a good idea. He would feel a bit safer with the nurse there. He would be able to relax a bit maybe, if he didn't have to bear the sole responsibility for Mike's survival.
Mike was satisfied with the news that he was allowed to go home. Harvey was pretty sure that he didn't listen to the admonitions he got from the medical personnel. Mike just agreed to everything that they said and smiled weakly at them. Harvey wasn't fooled though. Mike would say anything to get home, so Harvey needed to keep a close eye on him. Not that he had planned to do anything else.
Harvey had called Ray to come and take them from the hospital and home. Mike seemed happy to see him and they talked for a bit until Mike excused himself and said he needed to rest his eyes a bit. The rest of the journey was made in silence.
Harvey helped Mike to get inside and to his bedroom. Mike asked to lay down, so Harvey helped him with that as well.
"So, are you tired then?" Harvey smiled down at the younger man as he sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.
"A bit." Mike said with closed eyes. "It feels good to be home though."
"Yes, it does." Harvey agreed and patted Mike's shoulder. "Get some sleep. I'll hang around in here."
"You don't have to. I'm okay." Mike mumbled.
"I want to." Harvey said and watched how Mike smiled a little.
Harvey sat down at his desk with his computer for a while with Mike sleeping behind him. It did feel good to be home again. Like they could relax for a bit now. Maybe it could stay like this for a while now. Harvey hoped so.
"Harvey?" Mike quietly called for him about an hour later. "Where are you?"
Harvey walked over to him and could tell by the look of Mike's eyes that he wasn't fully awake. He still sat down next to him.
"I'm right here Mike. Right here." He said calmly. Mike reached out for him and Harvey sighed a bit and took Mike's hand in his about the same time as the kid's eyes fluttered close. Harvey didn't let go of his hand even though he knew that Mike was asleep again. Mike had woken up and his first instinct had been to call out for him. Knowing that brought a special feeling to his chest that was hard to put into words.
Harvey was still sitting next to him the next time Mike woke up again. He was more aware this time and Harvey took the opportunity to get some meds into him and tried to get him to eat something.
"How long did I sleep for?" Mike wanted to know.
"A couple of hours. I guess the car ride over here exhausted you."
"I slept during that as well, didn't I?"
"Yep. You do that a lot."
Mike smiled tiredly. "I guess. How are you doing then Harvey. I've been meaning to ask. You are not wearing a mask anymore."
Harvey who hadn't worn that thing for about two days smirked a bit. "I've been deemed in perfect health again."
Mike looked genuinely happy then. "So, you are good?" He asked.
"I'm good Mike. I promise."
"I'm so glad to hear that. I was worried about you."
"And now you don't have to be anymore. I'm good. You need to focus on getting yourself better now, kid."
"Yeah, I'll get right on that." Mike rolled his eyes a bit. "I should get up." He said and made no attempt whatsoever of doing so.
"Or you sleep some more."
Mike agreed with the later and slept another two hours. Harvey was amazed by that still, that the kid could sleep that much. When he woke up again, he managed to make his way to the couch and asked if Harvey would like to join him. Mike wanted them to watch some TV show that one of his nurses had told him about.
"Are you sure you can keep your eyes open for that long?" Harvey questioned. "It's 45 minutes."
"Oh, come on, yes I can. I just slept like seven hours. And if I fall asleep you can just nudge me a bit."
"Or hit you over the head."
"Whatever, just put it on." Mike said. He lasted two episodes before Harvey had to push him a bit.
"What happened?" Mike wanted to know, blinking sleepily at the TV screen.
"I thought you could stay awake."
They had a nice evening. Harvey enjoyed himself. It was like it should be.
-SUITS-
It was great to be back home. Harvey seemed to agree. They had spent much of last night watching some TV show and after that they had talked some. Harvey had told him about his experience at being admitted at the hospital. He said that he could understand better now what Mike was going through every time he had to stay there.
"It's not always that bad though." Mike had said, because it wasn't. Sure, he preferred being at home a lot more, but he did also realize that sometimes the hospital was the right place for him to be. He told Harvey that as well.
They also talked some about Mike latest heart problems, and that Harvey had to yet again start his heart back up. It was an emotional conversation but also a good one. Harvey told him not to thank him for it, but Mike did twice anyway. Harvey kept saving his life and Harvey kept being there for him whenever he needed him to be, that deserved more than just a thank you. Mike hoped Harvey knew that. Mike had reached out for Harvey's hand and squeezed it when it was time for him to go to sleep. He had tried to convey everything that he was feeling in that gesture, and he thought that Harvey had understood.
This morning when he woke up Adam was already there. Mike was happy to see him, and Harvey left for a bit. Mike had told him that it was okay. He could see that Harvey was hesitant.
"I'm going to be okay. I feel better today." He had said to Harvey's questioning look, but he had agreed to leave.
Adam wanted him up and moving around as soon as Harvey had left. The nurse claimed that it would be good for him, to do some light exercises since he spent so much of his time lately at the hospital. He had an exercise program and everything. Mike didn't really think that it was the best idea ever, but he agreed to try. It turned out that he mostly felt silly, because when Adam had said light exercises, he really meant it. It consisted of him sitting on a chair in the living room and just lifting his arms or legs in certain ways, he didn't even have to stand up.
At first, he laughed it off, but soon he wasn't able to continue anymore. He started to feel lightheaded and leaned forward to catch his breath.
"I have to stop." He mumbled and searched for something to hold on to. Adam held out his hand for him.
"You okay man?" He asked. "I think you are done for today."
Adam helped him over to his bed and had him to lay down.
"Mike, I would like to take your temperature, you feel a bit warm. Do you think you have a fever?"
"Yeah, maybe." Mike answered. He was pretty sure he had one. It made him slightly nervous, because he had a feeling that this wasn't going to get better. Shit, he couldn't be sick, not now when he just got home.
"Okay. " Adam frowned. "You should have told me. We wouldn't have done the exercises."
"Sorry." Mike shrugged.
Adam confirmed that he did have a fewer a few minutes later and he had to take some pills, and then he was supposed to sleep. He wouldn't have minded doing so, he was exhausted, but his body was also aching, and he still felt out of breath. Of course, that worried him, and he couldn't relax enough to fall asleep. Adam kept him company though, so he shouldn't have to worry, someone was there to keep watch over him so that nothing would happen. He squirmed a bit and managed to turn on his side so that he was facing Adam. His left arm shook weirdly, and he took a hold of it with his right.
He was starting to freak out but wasn't able to tell exactly why. He wished that Harvey would come back but didn't say anything about it to Adam. Mike couldn't understand why this had to happen now. Why couldn't he just catch a break?
Adam didn't move from his spot next to him in the chair. The nurse just sat there and started to tell Mike about his weekend where he had gone to see his nieces. He told an entertaining story about how he had helped the youngest girl to learn how to ride a bike.
"I think I must have run at least twenty times up and down that street."
Mike smiled a little at that image. He was more relaxed now, and his eyes started to slip close.
He woke up again from voices that came from just outside his room.
"I don't know how they could have missed this at the hospital. Considering his recent heart problems this is something that they should look out for." Adam was saying.
"Okay, so what should we do? Do we bring him back there?"
"I don't know, so far his values are okay. It's just the fever, if we are lucky it will go down with rest and fluids."
Mike heard how Harvey sighed. "Are you sure? I don't want a repeat of last time."
"It is stressful for him to move around a lot, so for now we just watch him closely. Why don't you try and get him to drink something. I'll make dinner for us."
Mike momentarily pretended to still be asleep as he heard Harvey sitting down next to him a minute later. Harvey smiled at him when he opened his eyes, but Mike could tell that he was worried. Damn it. Poor Harvey. In that moment Mike decided to fake it. Or at least to make an effort. He accepted the glass of water from Harvey and drank almost all of it.
"I'm fine." He tried to insist. Harvey didn't fall for it.
"You look like shit."
"It's because I did some workout today."
Harvey raised an eyebrow. "I would like to see that. Or is that why you are so wiped out? You were working out?"
"Yes, I was." Mike muttered and coughed a bit.
Harvey raised both his eyebrows now and waited.
"Fine. Light exercises then."
"Thought so. Drink the rest."
Two more days passed and Mike wasn't rally feeling that much better. He had developed an annoying cough that made it hard to fall asleep, at least a bit harder. Harvey had taken him to the hospital but Mike had asked not to have to be admitted even though he was sure they wanted him to stay. He was closely monitored now though and Adam examined him like every hour. He even woke him up to do it. Mike couldn't help but feel irritated, but didn't say anything about it when Harvey was close enough to hear. He could see how worried the older guy was.
"It's just a cold. I'm good." Did nothing to calm Harvey down. He was just told to be quiet and quit coughing then.
Harvey spent the evenings with him, Donna was there a couple hours and Adam even stayed a night. Mike thought they overreacted somewhat. He felt pretty good actually. A bit warm and dizzy maybe and his throat hurt, but other than that, he was fine. That was what he tried to tell himself at least. He figured that if he just could believe it himself it would be true. Of course, that didn't work.
He felt okay that evening but a bit worse by the time he was going to bed. His fever was a bit higher and he did have nightmares that night. Harvey came over to his room having heard him somehow, at least he thought so.
-SUITS-
Three times that night Mike had woken up from his nightmares. Harvey had heard him through the baby monitor the first time, during the other times he had already been in the kids' room. He spent the night there, in the chair next to Mike's bed. He was fairly sure that Mike wasn't aware of him doing so and he didn't plan to tell him that.
The next morning, he had gone to fetch Mike's pills and when he returned the younger man was awake and seemed to be in a pretty good mood. He joked around and mentioned nothing about the stress and anxiety of the night. Harvey didn't bring it up either of course, it was in the past now.
Adam was to come over today and Harvey had planned on going to the gym for a bit, he was already dressed in his gym clothes and would go as soon as the nurse got there.
He helped Mike over to the couch where the kid had to lay down. He could tell that Mike was trying to hide how lousy he felt but the warmth that was radiating from him gave him away. However, Harvey played along.
He brought Mike some breakfast and sat down in front of him to have some of his own. Mike had eaten one of the toasts when he started to cough. It went on for at least half a minute. It was a bit awkward for it was nothing Harvey could do than just sit there and wait it out.
"Wrong pipe?" He asked when Mike finally was done.
"Uh… Yeah something like that." Mike groaned and pushed the rest of his breakfast further away. He blinked a few times and massaged his throat.
"So, this means that you won't come with me to the gym then." Harvey asked him.
Mike coughed again and smiled a little. He laid back down. "Yeah, I don't know about that Harvey. I'm kind of beat right now."
Harvey smirked and shook his head a bit. "You are beat huh?"
"Mmmm…" Mike mumbled and closed his eyes. He coughed.
Harvey watched him with growing concern. He didn't like that cough. He sat down on the table in front of the kid.
"Mike, you are not doing that well are you?" He said.
Mike blinked his eyes open. "What gives you that idea?" He smiled.
"I'm serious. Talk to me." Harvey said and Mike's smile faded. He licked his lips a bit. He hesitated a little but then seemed to decide.
"It's a bit hard to breathe, there is the coughing, and I think I have a fever. I'm cold." He said.
Harvey nodded and felt his forehead. "You are right. I don't like this. I'll give your doctor a call, and I'll just stay here."
"You don't have to." Mike said. "Adam is coming right? You can leave."
"No, you have ruined it now. I was going boxing and you here with a fever, I would get my ass beat." Harvey said as he draped another blanket over Mike.
Mike raised his eyebrows. "Really?" He started smiling again. "Then please go, Harvey!"
Harvey shook his head and stood up to get his phone. "You are getting delirious."
Mike started laughing but stopped when he got yet another coughing fit. It didn't stop so Harvey had to put down his phone and heave Mike up and help him to drink some water.
The hospital told him to keep a close watch on Mike and bring him in if he got worse, the usual. Harvey told Adam about that when he arrived. Mike was sleeping when Harvey changed out of his gym clothes. There was no way he would be able to enjoy the workout if he went now. All he would think about would be Mike. Besides, he couldn't stop thinking that this was his fault, that he had infected Mike with whatever it was he had now. He couldn't go out and enjoy himself then.
The younger man woke up a while later and Adam helped him to drink some and take a few pills. Mike didn't say much but was still coughing. He looked a bit worse than before. He didn't return Harvey's smile when they locked eyes.
Mike refused to eat something else and wanted to go back to bed, so Adam helped him over there.
"His temperature is pretty high, and I don't like his cough." Adam said when Harvey stepped into the room after having had dinner alone.
The younger man was laying in bed covered with two more blankets than he normally had. It seemed like Mike had given up his attempt at pretending to be healthier than he was.
"Are you cold?" Harvey asked him and tried to meet his eyes.
"Yeah." Mike whispered oblivious to Harvey's attempt at joking.
Waiting on Mike to get better was more stressful then you would think. All Harvey really needed to do was just to sit there in the room so that Mike could see him and encourage him now and again. Mike hadn't expressed a wish for this, but Harvey knew that he appreciated it and it helped somewhat against the guilt that was starting to creep up on him. Adam was there to monitor the rest, he helped Mike to sit up when he needed to cough or drink. He wiped Mike's forehead and placed a wet cloth there when he was done. He removed blankets when Mike was too warm and added more when Mike started to shake from chills.
"It's so cold here Harvey… You need to fix the heating." Mike slurred at him and Harvey got into a pretend argument with him for a while. Mike seemed to enjoy it for a while but soon got quiet and turned his head away a bit. It was uneasy to watch how he was shaking even when he had his cover and three blankets over him. He wasn't keen on moving when Adam wanted him to take another pill and drink some water. However, the nurse got him to sit up after a little a bit. Harvey who steadied him noticed how he jerked at his touch. Mike's hands were shaking so much that he couldn't hold the glass of water Adam tried to give him by himself, so the nurse had to hold his hand over Mike's. Harvey waited as he drank, and he clenched his teeth as Mike seemed to flinch from the cold water.
"What's going on with him?" Harvey had to ask Adam when he heard how Mike's teeth were chattering together. "That's not normal."
"Yeah, I know. It's a pretty bad fever."
"He hasn't done this with fevers before." Harvey told him and Adam nodded as they helped Mike to lay down again and covered him back up.
"At least it hasn't risen within the last hours. That's a good sign."
"It's still too high." He looked down on Mike that had his eyes open. "How are you feeling Mike?"
Harvey wasn't surprised when Mike didn't answer him.
They kept close watch on Mike during the next few hours. Adam had talked to the hospital and it had been decided that they were going to wait and see for now. Adam took Mike's temperature every half hour and so far, it stayed at a high level, but hadn't risen. If it did, they would go. Adam had advised Harvey to pack a bag for them, which he had done.
Mike mostly slept and seemed both confused and a bit annoyed whenever they woke him to take his temperature, force him to drink or take some pills.
"I'm fine. Just let me sleep." He grumbled.
"We will if you drink this." Harvey said and held a water bottle in front of his face.
"I'm not thirsty." He muttered and closed his eyes. Harvey shook his shoulder.
"What?"
"Drink some Mike."
"Harvey…"
"Mike."
"Okay then."
Harvey held on to the bottle as Mike brought it to his mouth. Mike didn't make any attempts of trying to stop him. He had about five sips before he considered himself done. Harvey let him off the hook after five more. He groaned as he leaned away from Harvey, trying to find a cold patch on his pillow. He had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply. Harvey patted his shoulder a bit and stood up.
"Get some more sleep." He said. Mike just coughed as a response and Harvey shared a look with the nurse. Adam rubbed his beard a bit and sighed.
What they all sort of had been waiting for happened the next time Mike woke up. A severe coughing fit woke him up and both Harvey and Adam were at his side trying to do whatever they could to help him through it.
Mike was panting when he was done. His eyes were glazed over and his hand fumbled to grab on to Harvey. He somehow seemed to be a bit off, Harvey could tell that he was worried now, or maybe even scared.
"Har-Harvey… Harvey?" Mike mumbled. "Harvey? Help me."
"I'm here Mike. I'm here, what is it?"
"I…I don't… I mean I can't… I can't breathe Harvey."
"Yes, you can Mike. You are doing fine."
"But it doesn't feel like…like it."
"Okay. Okay." Harvey looked over at Adam. He nodded back.
"We'll raise your bed a bit and see how that feels." Adam said.
"No…no, no, no." Mike mumbled.
"You don't want your bed raised?" Harvey asked.
"No…" Mike said again. "It's not that…" He was slurring on his words and Harvey felt his worry increase yet again.
"Okay, kid. What is it then?" He leaned closer to Mike.
"You need to help me." Mike said and Harvey saw tears gathering in his eyes now.
"Of course." He said and took his hand in his and felt Mike squeeze it hand.
"No… I mean… My heart is…" He coughed and Harvey quickly moved out of the way.
"What's with your heart Mike." He spoke louder so that Adam heard him. The nurse was leaning forward behind Harvey now, phone in his hand.
"It's…it's… hard…"
Harvey shook his head. "What is hard? You got to tell me Mike!"
"It's beating really fast." Mike said. "Help…" He looked towards Adam now.
The nurse nodded and somehow slipped around so that he took over Harvey's place. Harvey felt himself tense as he was forced to let go of Mike's hand. The nurse took Mike's arm in his hand to feel his pulse.
"Just try and breathe normally Mike. Try to breathe deeper. You are close to panting right now."
Mike nodded a little and Adam stood up. "Mike, listen to me." He said calmly. "Harvey is going to sit with you here and talk to you. All you got to do is try your best at breathing deep and to listen to Harvey."
He squeezed Harvey's shoulder and lowered his voice. "Keep him calm while I call an ambulance over. I don't think it's time for panic-mode, but we are going to be safe rather than sorry here."
Harvey nodded and turned to Mike again. Shit.
This wasn't how it was going to go. He hadn't expected that they would need an ambulance. He had hoped that Mike would get better maybe if he didn't, they would have called Ray over to bring them into the hospital.
Mike was looking at him with wide eyes and wasn't breathing deeply at all. Harvey took his hand again and placed his other hand over Mike's chest.
"Breathing deeply, it was, kid." He said. "Come on. Give it a try." He exaggerated his own breaths and Mike nodded a bit.
"Okay." He panted. He didn't say much more but Harvey could see that he did his best in breathing steadily. That was good, it meant that at least Mike knew what was going on around him, his fever hadn't started to mess with his mind yet.
Adam had time to take Mike's temperature before the ambulance arrived and it revealed the same temperature as before. When the paramedics got there, Mike was able to get himself over to the gurney and the ambulance ride went well.
At the hospital Mike was exposed to tests again, they listened to his heart and lungs, took his temperature, and drew blood. Mike barely spoke and just sat through all of it, slowly blinking. Harvey had to step out of the room for some of it but was later told he could step into the exam room. It was only Mike and a female nurse in there then. Mike was slouched down on a table, sitting there trembling. He was still dressed in his own clothes, sweatpants and a hoodie.
"Hi Mike." Harvey said as he stepped inside.
"Hi Harvey." Mike whispered back. Harvey stepped in front of him and saw that he looked totally exhausted.
"You should be laying down on a bed somewhere." Harvey said.
Mike didn't answer at first. "They are admitting me." He then whispered. It was like he didn't have the strength to speak at a higher volume.
"Yeah, that's understandable." Harvey said. "Have they told you anything?"
"About what?"
"About what's wrong with you this time." Harvey smiled a little at him.
"No…" Mike mumbled and closed his eyes.
"How are you doing then?" Harvey asked even though he was pretty sure he had a pretty good answer to that. He stepped a bit closer, worried that the younger man would fall.
"I'm cold." Mike said. Harvey nodded and turned to the nurse still in the room.
"Can you do something about that?" He asked. She nodded and soon came back with a blanket that Harvey draped over Mike's back. Mike sat there passively and didn't say anything. He must feel like crap. Harvey sat down next to him. He wrapped an arm around the younger man, but Mike leaned away.
"You don't want me to?" Harvey asked then.
"Not so hard." Mike said quietly. Harvey pursed his lips and nodded. He didn't know if he should put his arm back or not. Not so hard? Mike solved his dilemma by leaning against him without a word. He rested his head against Harvey's shoulder.
"I feel like shit." He said.
"Yeah."
"Will you just tell them to hurry. I want to lay down now."
"Yeah." Harvey said, but remained where he was, because Mike was leaning against him now. He met the nurse's eyes at least and she nodded. They had to wait for a little while longer until they had Mike's room ready for him. A nurse then came with a wheelchair to get him and Harvey was told that someone would come and tell him when Mike was settled.
"I'll be right with you then." Harvey told Mike and he got a nod in return.
Harvey waited about thirty minutes and was just starting to worry when a nurse came and told him that he was welcome to see Mike now.
Mike was laying curled up on the bed below a thin blanket. He was mostly on his stomach with his head buried into a pillow. He was hugging his chest with his arms. Harvey could tell that he was miserable. He didn't say anything or move at all when Harvey made his presence known. Harvey sat down on the chair next to him. Mike was faced away from him now. His breathing didn't sound right, even when aided by a nasal cannula, and Harvey was sure that he was in pain.
"I'm here now kid." Harvey said and found himself a chair to sit down on.
Mike didn't answer him.
"You feel pretty shitty, don't you?"
"Yeah…" Mike whispered after a while.
"Sorry to hear that."
They both remained in silence after that. Mike didn't seem to get any better. He moaned a little. He was in the same position as before. Harvey felt a great deal of sympathy for him. It was a while ago since he had seen Mike feeling this bad.
"Is it anything I can do Mike?" He asked quietly.
There was a long pause and all Harvey could hear was Mike's labored breathing. But then he spoke.
"May-maybe you could…Maybe you could… I want you to… If you could just…"
"Just what, kid?" He was pretty sure Mike was crying now. His voice shook when he spoke.
"You know… Maybe you could stroke my back?" The request was followed by a quiet sob. Then another one. "If you want. It's stupid." He added.
"Of course." Harvey said and brought his hand to Mike's shaking back. "It's not stupid."
He felt how Mike shuttered when he placed his hand on the kid's shoulder blade. He moved his hand up and down along Mike's back.
"Thank you…" Mike whispered. Harvey knew that he was trying to stop crying, unsuccessfully.
"It's okay Mike. It's okay." He kept stroking the younger man's back. Up and down.
"Just don't stop, okay? I don't want you to stop."
"I won't." Harvey promised.
Mike was tense under his hand and sometimes he would shutter as if he was cold. After a few minutes like that Mike started to breathe deeper. He was calming down and Harvey himself felt a bit lighter inside. Harvey could remember Mike doing to him what he now was doing for Mike. When he had been sick and in bed Mike had came over and started stroking his back. Mike had said that when Harvey had done it for him it had helped more than he ever would know. It had been comforting Harvey remembered. And that must be what Mike was looking for right now, comfort.
"Harvey…" Mike whispered. He still hadn't changed his position.
"I'm here. Right here. Not going anywhere." Harvey reassured him.
"I just feel bad. I feel really bad."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Mike."
"Yeah…" Mike whispered. He didn't say anything else in a while. Harvey sat next to him and kept stroking his back, trying to do it as lightly as possible. He almost felt like if he was to do it harder Mike would shatter. It hurt in him to see Mike like this.
Harvey had seen Mike at his lowest a lot of times now, but this was different somehow. Mike seemed so fragile, like he was about to break in two at any moment, at the next touch. It was awful to witness.
However, as the minutes passed Mike seemed to be doing slightly better. At least he had stopped crying and was breathing more normal. Harvey didn't stop. It was the only thing that Mike had asked for so he would comply with it. It wasn't much effort from his part, and he knew he would be able to do it for hours now if that was what it took.
He did feel guilty about this. He couldn't stop thinking about that what if it was him that had infected Mike with this? It had to be him. What else could it be? He had been sick and spent time around Mike, and now here they were with Mike much sicker than he ever was. He suspected that he would have a hard time letting go of this. It was hard to let it go now, when he sat there watching Mike's sunken body. He tried not to think about it though.
A nurse came into the room a while later. She wanted to check on Mike, but he was reluctant to move. Harvey didn't move either and kept his hand on Mike's back.
"Are you in pain Mike?" She asked leaning down to be in Mike's line of sight.
"Yeah…" He whispered.
"If you turn a bit on your side so that I can check on you a bit?"
"No… I don't want to move."
"I understand, but it will only take a minute. I know."
Mike's eyes slowly searched for Harvey's and he knew that Mike was asking for his help. Harvey clenched his teeth and denied it to him.
"It will only take a minute like she said, Mike."
He felt like an ass when he saw how Mike pressed his lips together and nodded a bit. He felt even worse when he removed his hand from Mike's back and instead helped the nurse to maneuver Mike to lay on his back and saw how Mike tried unsuccessfully to curl up. When he wasn't allowed to his eyes teared up again. A weak moan escaped his lips and he looked up at Harvey who moved closer to him, while trying not to be in the way of the nurse.
"Shhh... It's okay." Harvey whispered and felt like a liar.
Mike didn't answer, but at least he didn't look away. The nurse was true to her word at least and it was over quick. She said Mike's doctor would be there soon and that they were doing everything they could to make Mike more comfortable. The doctor arrived and Mike was giving some meds that did make him calmer. The pain lessened; Harvey could see it in his eyes. It was a relief for both of them.
Harvey stayed close to Mike until he was sure that the kid was asleep. Mike had wanted physical contact with him as they waited for the drugs to take effect and had reached out for him. Harvey held his hand until Mike's eyes closed and remained so.
He didn't move from his spot after that. Not until Donna got there and sat down next to Mike did, he leave to go to the bathroom. Splashing some cold water in his face helped some and pushed his emotions back in a more suitable corner of his mind. Two hours passed with Mike sleeping and Harvey and Donna by his side. They didn't talk much in fright of waking him. Mike had them worried for a while in the beginning and had moved restlessly and moaned.
A doctor arrived again, but luckily didn't wake Mike up, he just checked the machines. They spoke some of Mike's current condition and the situation wasn't looking all that well. The test results weren't back yet, but Mike definitely had some kind of infection. It was serious. It tore in Harvey to hear those words and there was one thing that was eating at his consciousness. The thought wouldn't leave him alone.
"I was sick last week." Harvey said. "Before he got like this, I was sick."
The doctor opened his mouth, but Harvey asked the question before he formed any words.
"Did I infect him?" He asked, even though he already knew.
"We can't say for sure that it was you." The doctor began.
"We have been very careful. Whenever they were close to each other Mike was wearing a mask." Donna informed.
"But then I gave him CPR." Harvey interrupted her. "Of course, it was me."
The doctor raised his eyebrows then. "You breathed for him?"
"Yes!"
There was a pause. "You had no choice. You saved his life."
"And now he might die from a cold or worse."
"We are doing all we can at the moment to get Mike better."
It was the usual crap and reassurances and Harvey didn't want to hear them. Damn it. How had it come to this? It was his fault Mike was sick now. He knew it. He looked at Mike and clenched his stomach. It was his fault.
-SUITS-
He was actually glad that he was at the hospital this time. He really felt lousy. He had felt worse than this, but this was a new kind of bad. This was absolutely in the top ten. It had transpired so fast as well. Yesterday he had felt pretty good, at least not like this.
Except for nausea and dizziness his body hurt. Not just his chest, he was used to that kind of pain, but this time it was everywhere. Every joint and muscle hurt or ached. Even his skin felt uncomfortable. Earlier, before they gave him something that made him sleepy had been just like this as well. He had been even more pathetic then, because it was a lot going on around him as well then.
Before they admitted him, he had started to feel worse and worse. They had him sitting up as well, which was a pain as well. At least Harvey had been there. He didn't know where Adam had gone. Maybe he didn't think he was needed at the hospital. Mike supposed he wasn't, but still he could at least have said goodbye.
They had gotten him to his room after that, but Mike hadn't known where Harvey was then. He had felt confused and upset, but to drained to do something about it. He just laid curled up under a cold blanket and waited for it to be over. It was awful, but it was all he could do. Just lay there and wait. He wanted help. He wanted comfort. He wanted to scream and cry until he got it, but he wasn't in a state of doing anything at all of that kind.
Then Harvey came and he felt so relieved. But Harvey just sat there. He wished Harvey would help him. He didn't want to ask for it, but the longing for it got too much and he did it anyway. Harvey complied and he started to feel a little bit better. He didn't want Harvey to ever stop stroking his back like that, up and down. It was calming him, and Harvey was doing it so light so that the touch didn't hurt.
It felt good to sleep, mostly because then he didn't have to feel or care about anything. When he woke up though things were back to like they had been before. He felt like he was going to throw up at any minute and his head was aching so bad. He didn't want to move. His skin burned. Even his eyes hurt for some reason. Why weren't anyone helping him? He was at a hospital for god sakes. He moaned, not caring that he sounded like a child. He wanted this to stop. He felt angry and sad. Why did he have to go through this? What had he done to deserve all of this?
Donna was the first one to notice that he was awake. He didn't know when she had gotten there, but he didn't care anyway. He moved away from her hand when she stroke his cheek. It felt like she had sandpaper on her hand.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie." She said. "Harvey, he is awake."
"Hi kid." Harvey appeared on his other side. They towered next to him and suddenly, without knowing why, he felt uncomfortable by it. He closed his eyes again.
"Mike, talk to us. How are you doing? Are you in pain?" Harvey wouldn't leave him alone.
"Yeah…" He mumbled.
"You will feel better soon." Donna said. She tried to take his hand, but he moved it away. He saw how Donna exchanged a look with Harvey. He didn't have the energy or will to care though and closed his eyes again. He wanted to go back to sleep.
He slept restlessly for a couple of hours, not that he knew how much time that passed, but when he woke up and was a bit more aware it was dark in the room and Donna was gone. Harvey was there though.
Mike knew this time when he woke that his fever had risen. He could feel it. He felt a lot worse now, warm and sweaty, and just overall uncomfortable. At least he wasn't in pain, except for some in his throat and head. He was still coughing. It was a bit heard to breathe.
He had trouble going back to sleep even though that was all he wanted. Harvey tried to talk to him, but he wasn't that interested in answering. Nurses were there, and maybe a doctor. He wasn't under the impression that they helped him, rather the opposite. He wished they would stop touching him. He tried to tell them that, but no one listened.
He had trouble understanding everything that was going on around him, which was pretty stressful. Suddenly he got very cold. Someone was putting something cold on him. He tried to push it away, but then Harvey grabbed his arm and told him to leave it. Mike didn't understand what it was he was supposed to leave. He wanted it gone and tried again to get away, but it led nowhere. He wasn't sure but he might have cried a little then. The cold things were there, and he couldn't do anything about it. The cold bore into him and his whole body was shaking from it. Too much was happening around him and he had a hard time dealing with it all. What he was most aware of was the cold and the fact that he had trouble breathing.
Someone must have noticed the breathing issue though because he received a mask over his face which helped some, at least with the breathing. He was still so cold though and he just didn't know why. He did understand that the cold things were supposed to be there, because there were people around him, and they would have helped him otherwise. He couldn't help but keep trying to move away though. Harvey came into his view again then, and he was pretty sure that Harvey was still holding on to him. Harvey kept talking as well, but Mike couldn't be bothered to listen. He didn't want Harvey to touch him and tried to tell the older man that, but he didn't think Harvey could hear him, because he didn't let him go.
He didn't know for how long that ordeal lasted. Way too long if you asked him, but no one did. Eventually he was starting to feel a bit warmer though. Something cold was still across his forehead though. Harvey wouldn't let him remove it, instead he had placed his hand over the cold thing and kept his hand there. Mike could feel how Harvey's fingers made small movements over it. He tried to focus his attention on that, and only that. It felt good. Someone wiped his face a little and he had to close his eyes. After that he didn't bother to open them again. Maybe he could fall asleep now.
-SUITS-
Mike had finally gone to sleep. It had taken him three hours and thirty-seven awful minutes to do so. Harvey had been next to him this whole time. He felt exhausted now and wished that he could do exactly like Mike.
Mike's fever had been worryingly high, and they had been forced to place ice packs around him, something that Mike hadn't liked very much. He continued to try and get away from them, unsuccessfully. Harvey felt like an ass as he kept Mike in place when the younger man moaned in distress and weakly flailed with his arms. He was pretty sure that Mike was too out of it to hear him, but he kept talking.
"That's it Mike, just calm down. We are all trying to help you feel better here. All you have to do is lay still and try to relax. Can you relax for me?"
Mike didn't react at all. "I'm here kid. I'm right here. You'll be okay soon. It'll be okay."
Eventually Harvey had ended up leaning against the bed with one arm across Mike's body and the other place over the wet cloth over his forehead. Mike had finally calmed down a little then. Harvey couldn't understand how he could stay awake for so long as he had, but maybe it was the fever that kept him up. Harvey was told that it had lessened some. Harvey slowly and carefully extracted himself from Mike, praying that he wouldn't wake up again. Luckily the kid slept on.
Harvey needed to get out of the room for a while.
"Will you stay with him?" He asked a nurse that was in the room and she said that she would stay until he got back. He made her promise to get him if Mike woke up again. He hesitated in the doorway for just a bit until the nurse waved him away.
He walked down the corridor and turned right, took an elevator down three floors and walked through a waiting room and reached the cafeteria. He didn't know what to think about the fact that he knew his way around here so well.
After a sandwich and some coffee in the almost empty place he returned to Mike's room. Mike was still asleep, so Harvey decided to get some sleep himself. He slept restlessly though, constantly waking up when the staff came into the room to check on Mike.
He suppressed a groan when he yet again woke from the door opening. He didn't bother to see who it was this time.
"Damn it!"
Harvey looked up now and saw that it was doctor Lundin that was standing next to the end of Mike's bed. He was holding Mike's file in his hand and had it opened. His curse hadn't been loud, but Harvey still heard it.
He sat up from where he was laying on a small cot next to the wall.
"What's up?" He said quietly as to not to wake Mike up. The doctor jerked a little and closed the file.
"I'm sorry Harvey. Did I wake you up?" He said and tried a smile.
Harvey shrugged a bit and stood up. "Not really. What's going on? That didn't sound like good news."
"Harvey, I just came to check on Mike before I end my shift. I heard he has had a rough time."
"Yes, he has. And you know something about that." Harvey said nodding towards the file in his hands.
The doctor glanced down at Mike and put down the file.
"Why don't we talk out in the hall Harvey? I don't want to disturb him."
Harvey looked at Mike too. He was totally out and would probably not wake up unless someone shook him, but he still nodded and followed the other man outside.
"No one has explained the results of the latest test to you yet?" Dr. Lundin started by asking.
"No." Harvey confirmed. "I didn't know they were back."
The doctor nodded and sighed. "Okay, they were probably going to discuss it with you in the morning. But Harvey, it says here that Mike has gotten pneumonia." He paused a bit as Harvey felt how dread started to fill him.
"Normally pneumonia itself isn't a serious disease. You just treat it with antibiotics. But for someone in Mike's condition it might be extremely dangerous, even deadly. The situation for him is very serious right now."
Harvey just stood there and stared at the other man. What was he saying? He knew he should react somehow, but it was like his mind refused to accept what he was hearing.
"We will of course do everything we can for him, but I want you to prepare for yet another tough fight."
"Yeah, like we haven't had enough of those."
"I'm so sorry." The doctor said.
"How could this happen?" Harvey asked. "Was it me? Can I have done it? I was sick last week."
"I thought you were very careful about that. You weren't close to him and he wore a mask, right?"
Harvey nodded and clenched his teeth.
"When his heart stopped. I gave him mouth to mouth when his heart stopped."
He looked at the doctor and saw his pained expression.
"It was that, wasn't it?" He said.
"We can't know that for sure Harvey. And it doesn't matter now. What else could you have done? Do not blame yourself for this."
"But I most likely gave him pneumonia! I shouldn't have been close to him."
"And if you hadn't been, he wouldn't be here at all today."
"I could have had him admitted."
"Harvey, just stop. Nothing will be better from this. Let it go and focus on the present and our efforts to try and get Mike through this. Can you do that?"
Harvey sighed and rubbed his face. "I'll try."
"Do. Mike will need you."
Harvey nodded and tried to swallow back the nauseated feeling he had. "I'll get him through it." He said and went back into Mike's room without another word. Damn it.
Mike woke up from a coughing fit at six thirty. It caused a lot of commotion in the room and Harvey counted at least four nurses. Harvey himself sat on his cot to not be in the way. He walked up to the bed only when things had calmed down a bit and only one nurse remained.
He nudged Mike's shoulder to make him aware of his presence. Mike turned glazy eyes towards him and smiled a little.
"Hi Harvey." He said hoarsely.
"Hey there. Dramatic much?" Harvey joked.
"Shut up." Mike mumbled and rubbed his chest. His hand fell towards Harvey after that and Harvey took a hold of it.
"Alright." He said and saw that Mike smiled again and closed his eyes. "Will you at least let me sit down." He put down Mike's hand and got himself a chair before he picked it up again. If this was what Mike wanted, it was what he would be doing. The nurse still in the room smiled approvingly towards him. He watched Mike for a moment and thought about what he was doing. He was holding another man's hand in his and he didn't feel uncomfortable at all with it. He felt the opposite actually when Mike coughed again, and Harvey felt his grip on his hand hardened.
Much of the morning was spent like that. Mike slept on and off but kept waking up from the coughing. A nurse told Harvey that they had Mike on medication against the coughing. It didn't seem to work though.
Just before lunch two doctors arrived and explained the test results to Mike after having woken him up.
"Pneumonia. Are you sure?" Mike asked and swallowed hard.
"Unfortunately, yes. Mike, we are doing everything we can to get you through this, as usual."
"But it's bad, right?"
"Yes." Was the answer. Harvey was pretty sure that Mike wasn't listening on their explanations of the treatments he would receive. He had his head turned towards them, but his gaze was distant.
"You okay?" Harvey asked when they were left alone about half an hour later.
"No, apparently not." Mike said quietly.
"You'll be fine."
"You know, Harvey, cancer and pneumonia is not a good combination."
"So I have been told."
"I'm just so tired." Mike was looking up into the ceiling and not at Harvey.
"Get some sleep then." He suggested.
"Not like that tired."
Harvey swallowed. He didn't want Mike to be talking like that. It hurt too much in him then.
"I'm so sorry Mike."
Mike looked at him now. "Well…"
Harvey shook his head. "This is on me Mike." He said.
Mike coughed a bit and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"It's my fault you got sick. I infected you, I should have been more careful."
"Are you serious right now?"
"We should have had you admitted while I was sick. I don't get what I was thinking letting you be home while I was sick."
"I wore a mask."
"Not all the time, and when you collapsed, I had to give you CPR and I infected you, that should never have happened."
Mike smirked. "You should have let me die instead?"
"You should have been admitted."
"You are serious? Harvey, come on. I wasn't even feeling that bad before. And it was my choice, I didn't want to stay here."
"And now you got pneumonia."
"It's not your fault."
Harvey pressed his lips together and was about to argue back when Mike started coughing again. This time he needed assistance. He practically passed out after that, so they didn't get to finish the conversation.
When the kid woke up again, he was miserable. He was wheezing on his breath which was worrying to Harvey, but the nurse didn't seem overly concerned about that. She just increased Mike's oxygen a bit. What was worse though was that Mike was in quite a lot of pain.
"It hurts everywhere." He brokenly said when Harvey asked where it hurt. Medication didn't seem to help that much, it just made Mike drowsier, but his muscles kept aching. Harvey tried to offer some comfort by stoking Mike's arm a bit, but Mike shrugged him off.
"Don't touch me, please."
"Okay. Sorry. Why don't you want me to touch you?"
"It feel's uncomfortable."
"Okay. Anything else I can do?"
"Turn the lights off."
So, Harvey did and then sat there next to Mike's bed in the dark for two hours. Mike didn't even tolerate the light from the screen of his phone. To say it was boring was an overstatement, but Harvey didn't complain. This was what Mike wanted and it was his fault he was in this position. He would do everything he could to make Mike comfortable and to get him through this.
Pneumonia was a horrible disease. While Mike slept Harvey had read up some on it. The symptoms included difficulty breathing, pain just about everywhere, coughing and fever to name a few. Mike had experienced all of it. Confusion, excessive sweating and fatigue didn't sound good either. Poor kid. Why did he had to go through this as well?
Harvey couldn't help but think back on all the opportunities he had had to get Mike admitted when he himself was sick. Damn, maybe if he had done that Mike wouldn't need to be helped up to sitting when he was coughing. Fatigue seemed to be present with Mike as well now, he didn't help at all when they moved him.
The night was awful. Harvey barely got any sleep because Mike kept waking up, coughing or moaning. Harvey felt sorry for him and did his best to help him. Not that it was much he could do, offer Mike something to drink or help him to sit up and cough. He had to keep Mike steady as well when he sat up. He was too weak to remain sitting by himself. It was scary how fast he could deteriorate.
Mike seemed to be doing slightly better in the morning after breakfast and a medication upgrade. At least he was somewhat pain free and awake. He only had a nasal cannula and not an oxygen mask. He was half sitting, propped up on several pillows to help him breathe easier.
Harvey was in the room next to him as always. Donna would come by later that evening. Harvey was bored. He had tried to start up a conversation with Mike, but he started coughing more often when he spoke, so the kid was reluctant to do so.
"Do you want to watch a movie, Mike?" He asked.
Mike glanced over at him and shook his head. "To much sound." He said.
"What if I use headphones?" Harvey tried, reaching for Mike's iPad.
"Okay." Mike agreed. So, Harvey found a movie that he wanted to see and found the headphones in Mike's bag. He put on of them in his ear.
"Alright, are you going to move or not?"
"What?"
"Do you think I want to watch a movie like this? This chair is not that comfortable."
Mike raised an eyebrow. "You move me." He mumbled.
"I have to do everything around here." Harvey muttered and walked around to Mike's other side. He carefully sneaked his arm behind Mike's back and grabbed his pants and dragged him a little to the side, making more room. Mike still groaned at the movement and it tore in Harvey, and he almost regretted this.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mike."
"I'm fine." His head hadn't really followed along with the movement and Mike didn't make an effort to correct it. Harvey did it for him.
"If you rather want to sleep, that's fine."
"No."
"Okay." Harvey walked back to the other side and got up onto the bed next to Mike, taking care of not jolting it too much. He placed a pillow on his own stomach and placed the iPad on it and put on the movie. He lowered the brightness on the screen after seeing Mike squint.
"That good?" He asked.
"Yeah." Mike whispered and then leaned his head towards Harvey's shoulder. Mike actually lasted half of the movie.
Just when the end credits rolled Mike woke up and started to cough. He coughed and coughed until Harvey got worried and pressed the button for the nurses. Mike was panting.
"I can't breathe. I can't!" He got out between the coughs.
"Yes, you can. You can breathe Mike. You are breathing right now. You are doing it."
"No, I can't."
"You need to calm yourself down. You can do that. It'll get better then."
"Easy… easy for you to say."
"Yes, actually it is. Now give it a try Mike."
Mike was somewhat successful and got even better with some oxygen from the two nurses that arrived.
"I'm so sorry Mike." Harvey said an hour later when things had calmed down again.
"For what?"
"For you being in this situation."
Mike glared at him then. Harvey didn't know if he was going for looking intimidating or angry, both failed.
"Harvey you have to stop this! You have to stop feeling guilty."
Harvey sighed and looked away.
"That's what you doing, isn't it? You are blaming yourself for this somehow?" He mentioned for himself and managed to raise his head a bit. Harvey bit down on his frustration.
"It is my fault! I caused this."
"What are you talking about?"
"I should have had you admitted but instead I was around you while being sick."
"I wore a mask."
"Not when you collapsed. I had to give you CPR, mouth to mouth. That's when it must have happened."
Mike stared at him; his mouth slightly open.
"I gave you pneumonia!" Harvey then exclaimed. Didn't the kid understand?
"While saving my life! But so, what? Harvey, I rather have pneumonia fifty times over than to die from heart failure. I don't care. Get over it!"
"But pneumonia is potentially deadly for you. And it's my fault you have it. I can't let that go!"
"But why not? Didn't you hear me? I don't care! You saved me. And you didn't know that I would get sick. It might have been from something else as well. But whatever the reason I don't care, Harvey!"
"But I care. I care, Mike."
"Ohh…Harvey!" Mike exclaimed in frustration and coughed a little. "I don't know what else to tell you. I don't blame you. I'm grateful to you. But if you want to go around and blame yourself, fine. But you will be the only one who does. And please don't bring it up with me, because I don't want to hear it again. Stop apologizing to me." He coughed again and pressed his eyes together in obvious pain. He took a few breaths before looking over to Harvey again.
"Besides I'm pretty sure I'm going to need your support soon, maybe a lot of it. So, if you could get over this by then, I would greatly appreciate it."
Mike was breathing hard when he was finished. He stared at Harvey as if he dared him to say something else.
Harvey found himself adverting his eyes from Mike's. "I'll try." He said.
"Good!"
"It doesn't mean that I can just forget about it." He still added.
"Oh, for the love of god! I don't know what else you want to hear. Do you want me to blame you, is that what you want? You want me to be pissed at you?" Mike was apparently getting a little pissed.
"No, I don't."
"What is it that you want then?"
"I don't know Mike. I guess I want you to forgive me!" The words just flew out of his mouth. He hadn't really thought about it before.
"Okay. I do." Mike said.
Harvey sighed and sat down, unsure of when he had stood up.
"But I'll never blame you just so you know." Mike added. "But you are forgiven if that's what it takes for you to get over it."
Harvey didn't look at him, but he nodded. "Okay." He said.
"Okay." Mike said.
After that conversation Harvey didn't bring it up with Mike again. And he did stop apologizing the best he could. Sometimes it just slipped out of him, but Mike didn't complain. Mostly because he was too sick for it. Although the guilt didn't disappear, and it didn't get easier to bear as Mike got sicker. But Harvey did work on it, thinking back on the conversation. Mike had been right; it didn't help the kid if he blamed himself or felt guilty. And also, he preferred Mike having pneumonia then to have died there on his kitchen floor.
Mike slept for almost two hours after their conversation, like it had exhausted him.
Harvey could tell almost right away when Mike woke up again that he was much worse than before. It was hard to understand how quick Mike's condition changed. Or maybe he had been able to control it better earlier.
Mike expressed a wish of laying down more flat, and Harvey helped a nurse to make it happen. They arranged the pillows around Mike and Harvey draped a blanket over him. Mike was curled up on his side with his face half buried in a pillow. He had a hoodie on with the hood over his head, making it hard to see much of his face. The lights were turned out except for one of the lamps by the window.
Harvey was seated ridged on a chair next to the bed. Seeing Mike like this just hurt. Mike's body was shaking slightly, and Harvey could hear his breathing. The medical staff was on alert for any changes and kept coming by, what felt like every five minutes. They made Mike even more miserable when then wanted to check his blood pressure or take a blood sample or have him drink water or ice ships.
"Noo… please." Mike uttered as a nurse carefully stretched his arm out to check something with his IV incision.
"Do you think you can give him an hour of rest now?" Harvey asked when she was done.
"Sure. I think that is doable. If you need to leave the room, press the button and someone will come and stay with him."
"Okay." Harvey agreed, suddenly feeling much more worried than earlier. They didn't want Mike to be alone. He watched her walk out of the room.
"Mike… talk to me. What's bothering you the most right now?"
Mike breathed deeply for a minute before answering. He had his eyes closed.
"It hurts…" He whispered.
"What hurts?" Harvey reached forward an placed a hand on Mike's warm shoulder.
"No, stop." Mike tried to move away.
"I'm sorry." Harvey snatched his hand away. Damn it.
"Feels… feels like my skin is burning."
"Oh."
"Headache and my back hurts."
"Your back? Okay. That sucks kid. Is there anything I can do then? Anything at all."
It took a while again before Mike answered.
"I don't know."
"Okay, just let me know if there is. Anything at all Mike."
Mike didn't answer him. So, Harvey sat there in silence and listened to Mike's hitched breathing. They sounded wrong, and he thought that Mike probably was trying to hold back sobs right now. Once again, he reached out a hand to stroke Mike's arm, but remembered before he did it. Touch was hurting Mike. It was just that he felt so damn useless like this. Just sitting there while Mike was in obvious pain. Mike was struggling so much. Again, guilt came to him. This could have been prevented.
"Harvey…" Mike whispered his name and Harvey jerked back into reality, having been a bit lost in his thoughts. Mike had his eyes opened now, there were tears in them. He had straightened out a little but had his arms up so that he was kind of hugging himself.
"Yes." Harvey whispered back.
Mike didn't look at him when he continued. "You remember… ehm… You know the…" He trailed off.
"The what?" He hated the way Mike's voice kept breaking when he spoke.
"That…that… The dog you gave me before?"
"Dog? I gave you a dog?"
Mike sniffed and hid his face in his arms now. And then Harvey remembered. At one of Mike's hospitalizations he had gone to the gift shop and bought Mike some stuffed toy to cheer him up.
"The dog, I remember that Mike, what about it?"
"Do you… Do you know where it is?" Mike asked from behind his arms.
"At home I guess, somewhere."
Mike didn't say anything else, but emerged from his arms, probably to breathe. Harvey saw that his face was tear drenched.
"Do you want it?" He asked.
Mike didn't answer, he just squirmed a bit on the bed and moaned quietly.
"I can ask Donna to bring it here if you want." Harvey said. He moved a bit closer to the bed and wanted to reach out for the kid as Mike let out a few sobs. Harvey breathed out some air and wondered if he ever had felt this sorry for Mike as he did now. He wished he could touch him, hug him to him. Offer some kind of comfort in any way.
"Yeah…" Mike whispered. "I want…"
"Yeah, it's fine. I'll make sure she gets it. It's okay Mike."
"No… It's stupid." More sobs and Mike hid his face in his hand. Harvey hoovered his hand over his shoulder, but then put it down lightly.
"It's not stupid." He said. It didn't stop Mike from crying. Harvey felt how he squirmed away from his touch, without saying anything. Harvey took his hand away from him and sent a text to Donna.
-SUITS-