Chapter 73.
They kept Mike at the hospital for another five days. It felt incredibly long and was pretty boring. It must be more boring for Harvey too though because, at least Mike slept a lot. He just couldn't help it, he just got so tired. He didn't know if it was the meds he was getting, the fever or just the boredom. Sleeping made time go faster at least. He might also had been pretty confused at times and lost his sense of time passing, not that it was a problem.
When he wasn't sleeping, he and Harvey would talk, watch movies or if Mike was up for it play card games. Harvey was the one who initiated most of it, so that was why Mike suspected that he was bored too. It seemed like Harvey didn't go home at all during all that time. Sometimes he would leave Mike's room but returned an hour or so later, he wouldn't have time to go home and come back in just an hour.
"It has to do with your crappy immune system." Harvey said when Mike carefully asked him about it one night. "They said that they didn't want me to walk around and see other people if I was going to hang around here with you."
Mike didn't think that was much of an explanation, but didn't ask more, he was just grateful that he didn't have to deal with stuff alone. As always Harvey was there and had his back. On the fifth day at the hospital the fever had gone down enough, and they wanted him to walk for a bit. Harvey joined him as they took a lap around their floor of the hospital. Mike got so exhausted that he slept for four hours after that, and when he woke up his legs were aching quite a lot. Harvey thought that was funny.
No one else came to visit during that hospital stay. Harvey again blamed his immune system.
"You will see them when you get better." Harvey just said, so Mike left it at that.
It was great to get to go home again. One of the nurses followed them out to the car and said that she hoped that they wouldn't see each other in a while. Mike hoped so too, even though she was genuinely nice. He was just sick of the hospital stays.
He had been told that the last round of treatments were finished, and he didn't know if it was according to schedule or not. He was glad that it was over for now. He felt nervous too though because soon he would go through test to see how the treatment had been going lately. They would start next week.
Harvey was nervous too. Not that he said it out loud, but he could tell anyway, from their conversations. It was touching and Mike felt warm inside when he thought about how much Harvey was actually doing for him.
When they got home, Mike went straight to bed on Harvey's orders. He didn't want to sleep but did anyway. Mostly because he wasn't able to stay awake, annoyingly. Harvey always thought that he was right then, and Mike didn't agree with that.
Donna and Rachel came by the next day and spent a few hours with them. Donna said that Louis wanted to come too, but he had a cold, so he wasn't allowed. It was nice with visitors though. Unfortunately, Mike slept through a large part of their visit.
Harvey told him that he had to go to work. Louis and Harvey were working on a case and when Mike got sick this time, Harvey had let Louis handle everything.
"I need to go and fix his mess. He probably pissed off half of the company board already." Harvey said.
Mike smirked at that and said that he would be fine. In three days, he would be going to the hospital and take some test to determine his progress. Three days. Adam would stay with him those days, and Mike hoped that the nurse would be able to distract him from his ever-increasing nervousness.
The first two days Harvey was gone a lot. He left before Mike woke up that first day and then returned when he was back in bed for the night. At least he wasn't sleeping yet, partly because he wanted to wait for Harvey to get back. Harvey did apologize to him though.
"I didn't mean for it to take this long." He said and sat down on his chair, still in his suit. He then proceeded to tell Mike every detail about the case, until he fell asleep. Maybe that had been Harvey's plan.
Mike felt pretty down the next day but pretended that he was fine. It worked well, and Adam thought he was only tired. All he thought about was the results from the test. He had been told once that it would take up to two weeks to get the results, which was pretty annoying.
What if he found out that the treatment hadn't worked again? That the trial had been for nothing. That he had went through all of that, the pain, the nausea, the emotional problems, just to be told that no, unfortunately the cancer was still there. Or maybe it had spread to his brain now, and it was slowly taking over it, one cell at the time.
No, he needed to stop thinking like that. It was hard though. He pressed a pillow over his head and just laid there and waited. He was good at waiting, that was one thing that cancer had thought him. Before he would have never been able to just lay and do nothing.
Then the wait was over. Harvey came with him to the hospital and stayed with him during most of the tests. He was there for the MRI which Mike was grateful for. He still hated it but managed to not freak out. It had been close though. Harvey had been talking into his headphones the entire time, and Mike had been able to hold it together, even though he had gotten tears in his eyes at one point. He didn't tell that to anyone, and they all praised him after he was done. He rolled his eyes at that but was secretly pleased.
He had to go back the next day as well, but Adam came with him then. There was two days full of breathing exercises, scans, blood being drawn and being hooked up to things. Mike didn't want to think about it and was glad when it was over. He had spent a lot of time with Dr. Jansson and her assistant that had questioned him and been part of most of the tests. Mike had a sense that they were pleased. They smiled a lot at least, and the assistant, Emil, laughed loudly at all of Mike's lame jokes.
When he and Adam got back to the condo that afternoon Mike felt exhausted and dizzy. He had been a lot more active these days than he normally was. He felt irritated as well and snapped at Adam. He got even more annoyed when the nurse just told him that he understood.
"It's normal to be nervous Mike." He said.
Mike turned his back against him and refused to answer. Then he couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for himself. He might have cried a bit in his misery.
They had told him that he had to wait at least fourteen days, shorter if he was lucky. He didn't want to do that. He wanted to know now. Even though he was good at waiting, he didn't always enjoy it. Two weeks felt like an eternity. Harvey didn't agree though when he got home. He just patted Mike's shoulder and smiled.
"All you have to do is rest, and before you know it, it's time to go and find out the results." He said. Then he left to go and find something to eat. Mike silently cursed after him, pretty sure Harvey couldn't hear him. Rest and wait, as always.
Harvey stayed home with him the next day, which was nice of him. It wasn't until after lunch he realized that it was in fact Saturday. He had slept quite a lot during the morning, just laying there on the couch below a blanket while Harvey did something at the table. Harvey woke him for lunch and after that he wasn't as tired anymore.
He was bored though. He complained a little to Harvey, who just told him to read a book. Mike glared at him, but Harvey was just looking at his computer. Mike looked around a bit to see if there were any books close by, but it wasn't. He didn't feel like getting up to get one either. This morning when walking over here, he had felt a bit unsteady. Hopefully, it was nothing, but he didn't want to push faith.
His phone was too far away as well. It was on the coffee table, but he couldn't reach it, so he didn't bother with that either. He just laid there and stared up into the ceiling. His mind wandered back to the test results and the what ifs. What if they were good? What if the cancer was gone? He knew he shouldn't go that far as to hope for that, but what if?
That night, after Harvey had said good night to him and went to bed, the darker thoughts came to him as they so often did at night. He didn't know why that was. He had a hard time falling asleep.
The next morning had him feeling worse. Not really emotionally, but his body felt weird. At first, he didn't think he would be able to walk to the kitchen at all. His legs felt so weak. He considered telling Harvey about it and ask for help but didn't in the end. He felt pretty down about it though. What if it was because the cancer had spread to his legs, or worse his nervous system. What if he was getting paralyzed or something?
Eventually he didn't want to stay there alone with his thoughts anymore, so he forced himself to get up and to the kitchen. He almost fell down when he first tried to stand up. But ten minutes later he was sitting by the kitchen island waiting for Harvey to set out breakfast for him.
-SUITS-
Harvey looked over at the younger man where he was sitting, slumped down over the table. He looked totally drained, like it had taken all of his energy to get to the kitchen. Maybe it had.
Harvey quickly abandoned his idea about them going out for bit today. He could see that Mike wouldn't be up for much at all today. He barely ate either, just sat there with his hands wrapped around his cup of tea, staring straight ahead.
"Mike, do you need help back to bed?" He asked after almost an hour of them sitting there. Mike looked at him like he was surprised that Harvey was still there.
"Is it the weekend?" he asked, ignoring Harvey's question.
"Yes, Sunday. You feeling good?"
Mike just shrugged at him, but he did smile too.
"I think I'm going back to bed." He said.
Harvey rolled his eyes at him and got up to be ready to assist when Mike swayed. He got his balance under control though and slowly made his way towards his room without looking back at Harvey, who briefly wondered if there was something he had done.
When he checked on Mike an hour later it looked like the man was sleeping so Harvey left without saying anything in case he was. He didn't want to disturb him. He went to find his laptop to get some work done. He was slightly behind on a case and needed to come up with a step forward for the client by next week. He found the thing on the floor next to his bed after some searching. He had no idea how it had gotten there. He sat down to work by the table so that he was able to look outside. It was nice weather outside, and he suddenly felt a bit cooped up. It would be nice to go outside for a bit, but he knew that wasn't going to happen today. Not with Mike like he was.
He had been working for a couple of hours when he heard sounds from Mike's room. He stopped typing and listen for couple of seconds but didn't hear anything else.
"You good?" He called out.
"Yes." Came a faith answer after a minute, and Harvey turned back to his laptop.
He didn't know for how long he continued to work before Mike called out for him. It might have been an hour, or even longer. But he stopped typing and headed for Mike's room. He was surprised when he saw that Mike was slumped on the floor, halfway out of the room. Worry immediately shut through him.
"Mike, what are you doing on the floor?" Harvey exclaimed and walked over to the kid. "Are you okay?"
Mike lifted his head a bit and looked at him.
"I don't know. I don't think I can get up."
"Wow, okay. I'll help you. Here." Harvey took his hand and started to pull, but that didn't work, and he had to lift Mike under the arms to get him to standing. However, Mike's knees just bent, and he went down again. Harvey caught him before he hit the floor.
"Okay. What's with you?" Harvey muttered.
"I don't know." Mike repeated. "Put me down again."
Harvey did what he asked, and Mike ended up on all fours.
"Mike, is something wrong? You have to tell me." He bent down and tried to look into Mike's eyes.
"I just feel weird. Like my legs are made out of jelly or something, I can't stand."
"Okay. Do you think you are just tired, or is it something else?"
"I don't know." Mike said yet again. He sounded indifferent, like he was too tired to care.
"Wait here then." Harvey said and stood up. He stepped over Mike and went into his room and got the wheelchair that was standing in a corner. It was a while ago since they had used it. Harvey hoped that this wasn't anything bad. That it wasn't something with his heart. He needed to call the hospital or Adam to ask.
Mike had laid down again when Harvey returned to him, he was just laying a bit curled up on his stomach. Harvey stopped next to him and locked the chair.
"Do you want me to help you to bed?" He asked.
"Okay." Mike quietly said. He sounded sad. Harvey got a bit more worried as the kid didn't move at all. He just laid there on the floor.
"Mike." Harvey sighed and bent down again and took a hold of Mike's shoulder. The younger man barely helped as Harvey with some effort got him up in the chair. He wouldn't meet Harvey's eyes.
"Are you dizzy? Do you feel sick?" Harvey asked and Mike shook his head.
"How's your heart?"
"It's not that."
"What is it then?"
"I told you that I don't know." Mike said again and his voice shook. Something was clearly wrong.
Harvey started to push him back into Mike's bedroom. He pulled the covers away and turned to Mike. He was just sitting there slumped down, staring at the floor. Harvey got an impulse to hug him then, just to help in some way.
"Hey, come here." He leaned forward and put his arms around Mike's frame. Mike just sat there for a moment, but then Harvey felt how he leaned his head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for some time. Neither of them said anything.
Harvey then lifted Mike over to the bed and pulled the cover over him. Mike turned his head away a bit and blinked rapidly a few times.
"You think you are okay?" Harvey wanted to know, and Mike nodded.
"Try to get some rest then." Harvey said. He hesitated a little. "I'll come and check on you in a bit." He said. He felt a bit bad as he walked out the room, but he would be back soon. Mike just needed to rest for a bit longer. If he got some sleep and rest, he would probably be better soon. He also didn't want Mike to hear it when he called to hospital.
The call didn't lead anywhere. They just told him that Mike might be fatigued and for him to rest. If it got worse, they were to call again or come over to the hospital. Nothing new or helpful there. Harvey quickly checked on Mike, but he was in the same position as before, so Harvey took the opportunity to get some things done in the condo. He prepared Mike's meds, took care of the dishes, and took a shower and had something to eat. Then he went back to Mike.
He had expected him to be asleep, but he wasn't. He was laying in the same position as before, on his back with his head slightly turned against the wall. Harvey briefly closed his eyes for a moment as he saw tears on Mike's cheeks. Oh no.
He sat down on the chair and waited a bit to see if Mike would say something. He didn't, in fact he did nothing to acknowledge Harvey.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong, kid?" Harvey quietly asked.
Mike shrugged a little. He then shook his head when Harvey asked him if he was in pain.
"Do you want me to stay here for a while?" Harvey asked then. He wasn't surprised when Mike nodded. He sat down on the bed next to Mike and let himself lean against the headboard.
"I went to find you before." Mike suddenly said.
"So, that's what you were doing."
"Yeah."
"Oh. And all I did was put you back in bed and leave again. Sorry, kid."
"I just felt bad." Mike whispered.
Harvey nodded. "Do you still feel bad?" He asked.
Mike nodded too. "I don't know why."
"Maybe you just need some sleep. You look exhausted. Some sleep and then something to eat. What do you say about that?"
"Yeah, okay."
"Good boy." Harvey squeezed his shoulder and then he shifted a bit to lay more comfortably. It just took a couple of minutes before he noticed a change in Mike's breathing that indicated that he was asleep. Harvey had been in this situation enough times now to know it by heart.
He couldn't help but to feel worried about what had happened earlier. Mike hadn't been able to get off the floor himself. Why was that? Was it just fatigue as the nurse he had spoken to thought? He really hoped that it was. What also worried him was Mike's reaction to it. He hadn't called out for help or anything, he had just laid there on the floor. He had been searching for Harvey, he couldn't let that go. Mike had been looking for him, and Harvey hadn't been there for him. Sure, hadn't known that Mike had needed him, but he should have gone to check on him earlier.
He sighed a little to himself, watched Mike for a minute, and then slowly started the process of getting off the bed without waking him. His plan was to go and make Mike something to eat and bring his work to the desk in Mike's room so that the younger man wouldn't have to be alone. Clearly, he was having a bad day.
Mike slept for another two hours and Harvey had to reheat the food he had gotten for him. Mike slowly ate it then, without saying much. Harvey almost wished that he would complain or something. But he just sat there in bed with the bowl against his chest, slowly bringing the spoon to his mouth. It was his favorite soup, so Harvey hoped that he would eat all of it.
Harvey did his best at concentrating on the file in his hands, but his thought kept drifting to other things, at least ninety percent of it related to Mike. Eventually he gave up and went to sit down in the chair next to Mike's bed. The younger man rolled his head to the side to be able to look at him.
"Are you thinking about the test results?" Harvey asked him.
"Yeah." Mike said.
"Me too, kid. Do you want to talk about it?"
Mike didn't answer in a long time. But then he spoke.
"Sometimes I think that it will have worked, all the treatment. That the cancer will be gone and that I will be good again." He shrugged a little. "But the next thought I have is that it won't have worked, that it will have spread and that I'm still dying. That's kind of where I am today."
Harvey pursed his lips and leaned forward to squeeze Mike's arm a bit.
"I get that." He said. "I really hope that this time it will be good news. You really deserve that Mike."
"Thanks Harvey. So do you. You deserve a break too. I know you worry."
"I do worry." Harvey smiled a little. Mike smiled as well and then extended his hand towards Harvey. He took it in his and for a moment they remained like that before Mike let go.
Harvey smirked and sat up a bit straighter. "Besides, I need you better so you can go back to work again. All these damn files."
Mike laughed a bit and then closed his eyes.
"Oh, so you are going to pretend to sleep now, are you?"
Mike didn't answer him, and Harvey shook his head and went back to the desk.
Mike spent a lot of time laying down during the next few days. He didn't trust himself with walking the next day and had asked Harvey to help him over to the couch.
"Just in case." He had said. It was good that he did, and Harvey told him that as well.
The days passed slowly and blended in together. Harvey went to work, while Mike was at home with Adam and on a few occasions with Donna. Not much happened, except that Mike got a little better. At least he could walk around the condo again without any problems, which they were all glad about.
They didn't talk about the fact that they soon would get to know Mike's test results. Neither of them wanted to bring it up again, even though Harvey thought about it a lot, as he was sure Mike was doing as well. They were both really aware of the wait though.
Harvey had seen how Mike sometimes would stare straight ahead, or out of the window, looking totally lost in his thoughts. One time in the middle of the night Mike called out to him through the baby monitor.
"I had a nightmare." Was all Mike said when Harvey came over to his room. He stayed a couple of hours then, and woke up with a stiff neck, sitting on the chair in Mike's room.
Mike pretended that everything was normal the next morning. It was Harvey's turn to stay at home with him that day and Mike wanted to play games. Harvey agreed to a card game that was based on luck more than anything else. He didn't feel like constantly losing, since Mike had a tendency to accidentally count the cards every time they played something. Harvey strongly suspected that he did it on purpose and that his brain didn't just do it, as Mike claimed.
And then, suddenly the day was there.
"So, it's tomorrow right?" Harvey asked lightly as they were sitting at the table having dinner the evening before Mike was set to go to the hospital again.
"Yeah. Tomorrow is the day."
Harvey nodded slowly. "It is." He agreed. "Do you want me to be there with you?" He then asked.
Mike pursed his lips and thought about it for some time. "I think I would like to go alone actually. If you don't mind." He said eventually.
Harvey watched him and at first he wanted to protest, but he didn't. "Okay." He said. "Just let me know if you change your mind."
"Thanks Harvey." Mike said.
They ate mostly in silence after that. Harvey thought about asking the kid as to why he wanted to go alone, but he didn't do that either. It was Mike's decision, even though Harvey wanted to be there with him. Whatever the results would be he wanted to be there and support him.
"Is it really okay?" Mike suddenly asked.
"What?"
"That I go alone? I know you want to be there, but…" He didn't finish.
"It's your decision Mike. And you know that if you change your mind I'll come. And if you need me after too."
"If I get bad news you mean."
"Which ever news you get."
"Thanks." Mike smiled a little. "I'm really nervous."
"Yeah. It's going to be fine. Whatever they say."
Mike didn't answer him, but he smiled weakly. He then pushed his plate away. "I think I'm done."
Harvey glanced at his half-eaten plate and kept his mouth shut.
That night he let Mike pick the movie they watched, then the next one to and the one after that Mike insisted they see. Mike was clearly aiming for exhausting himself, and Harvey was willing to let him do it, just this once.
When it was time for them to go to bed Harvey remained a while in Mike's room. He wanted to make sure that the younger man wasn't going to be upset. Mike wasn't overly convincing when he was saying that he was okay. He wouldn't look at Harvey when he said it. Harvey hesitantly left him and went to his own room. He wasn't sure who of them that was most nervous.
He had a hard time falling asleep that night. And frankly it was even harder to say goodbye him the next morning. At least Mike let him drive him to the hospital. Harvey was going to be about an hour late, but he didn't mention it to Mike. He didn't care about it anyway, it was just some meeting and he had messaged Donna, so she would take care of it.
"Harvey, whatever they say, it's going to be fine. Don't worry." Mike said when they were sitting in the car outside the hospital.
Harvey nodded. "Are you sure that you don't want me to go with you?" He asked.
"I'm sure. I'll see you at home this afternoon, okay." Mike smiled, but Harvey could tell that he was anxious. It was the way he moved his hands, the way his eyes flickered and the way his smile faltered when he looked towards the hospital entrance.
Mike reached for the door handle, but then change his mind and turned towards Harvey. Without a word he reached over and wrapped his arms awkwardly around him in a quick hug. Then he was out the door, waved and started to walk towards the hospital.
Harvey watched him until he reached the doors and stepped inside. Mike didn't turn around again, to see if Harvey was still there.
"Are you ready to go?" Ray's voice startled him a bit and he teared his eyes away from the entrance where Mike was no longer visible.
"Yeah, sure Ray."
-SUITS-
His heart was beating hard in his chest as Mike walked towards Doctor Lundin's office. He was about thirty minutes early but figured he could just sit outside and wait. He hadn't had the heart to tell Harvey about the time, because he knew that Harvey was late already. Mike could wait.
He tried to not think too much about the reason he was sitting there on a bench in a hospital corridor, as he had done so many times before. He remembered that first time when he found out about the cancer. He hadn't been prepared at all. He remembered the overwhelming feeling of terror, about what was about to happen to him.
His life had changed so much since then. And the changes were not all bad. He had grown so much closer to Harvey. He smiled to himself when he thought about how much Harvey had done for him. He had given him a place to stay, somewhere to feel safe, somewhere he could try to heal. Harvey had been there every step of the way. Suddenly he felt incredibly guilty about denying Harvey to be here with him now. The older man really deserved to be here if there were good news he was going to get. But the reason he didn't want Harvey here now was if the news were on the other end of the scale. He didn't want Harvey to have to hear it if there were bad news, if the treatment hadn't worked. He didn't want Harvey to have to sit through that.
He sighed a bit. He felt so conflicted and anxious. He wished the time would pass faster. He didn't want to think about it any longer, he just wanted it over with, whether it was good or bad news.
"Mike! You're early."
His doctor came walking down the corridor together with another doctor.
"Yeah." Mike said and clumsily stood up.
"I'll see you later." Dr. Lundin said to his colleague, and she smiled at Mike and hurried her steps down the corridor.
"After you." The doctor held up the door into his office for him, so Mike stepped inside and sat down on his usual chair.
"Is it just going to be you and me today, or are we waiting for Harvey?" The doctor asked as he walked over to a file cabinet and opened it.
"No, it's just me today." Mike said.
The other man nodded and sat down with a file in his hand. "Is that okay with you then? If you want Harvey to be here with you we can reschedule."
"No, I asked him not to come."
"Oh. Okay." The doctor seemed to wait for Mike to continue, but he didn't.
"So, how are you doing today Mike?" Doctor Lundin then asked and smiled.
Mike shrugged at bit. "I don't know. Good, I guess."
The doctor nodded and looked down into his papers. "I wanted to speak to you today about the results from your tests you underwent. Was it two weeks ago?" He started. Mike had to suppress an urge to roll his eyes, like he didn't know the reason for this visit. He didn't say anything.
Doctor Lundin sorted the papers he had in front of him and pulled out one of them from the pile in front of him. He studied it for a while and then placed it in front of Mike.
"Here it is. I want you to take a look at this. It's from your MRI."
Mike leaned over it. He didn't get why they always wanted him to look at this stuff, it always looked the same to him. Just different shapes of white against a black background. The doctor placed another paper in front of him them.
"This is your results from three months ago. Do you see anything different between them?"
Mike studied both for a minute. "These dots here are gone, and there are fewer dots here." He pointed and looked up at the other man. The doctor smiled widely.
"Exactly. And you know what that means?"
Mike stared at him as comprehension slowly started to seep into his mind. He was holding his breath when he spoke.
"The cancer has lessened?"
"Yes, Mike. Your cancer is regressing. The treatment is working."
Mike let out a laugh and breathed again. "Are you kidding me? Are you sure?" He immediately felt how his eyes burned from the relief he felt.
"Yes, Mike. You are getting better. Your chances of survival has greatly increased Mike." Doctor Lundin was smiling with his whole face.
Mike laughed again and placed a hand over his mouth. He looked back at the pictures and looked for other differences.
"It's less here as well!"
Dr. Lundin smiled. "And over this area."
"That's amazing. I never thought it would happen! I mean I was hoping but…" He had to blink away tears.
"It is, it's really fantastic news. Here." The doctor handed him a box of tissues and Mike wiped his eyes.
"Thanks. I bet Dr. Jansson thinks that as well."
"She surely does."
"Can I see her? I would like to thank her. And thank you of course."
The doctor smiled at his excitement. "Of course, you can. I've talked to her already and she is absolutely thrilled about your progress. But Mike, even though this is terrific news, you are not cancer free yet. There is still cancer on your heart."
"Yeah, I get that. But I never thought the treatment would actually work. I thought the cancer would kill me."
"It's looks like you have a good chance right now, even though I have to remind you that you are not out of the woods yet."
"I know." Mike smiled. "But still. There is a lot more hope now then, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is. And seeing that you have responded well lately, I'm thinking we really are on the right track here. We'll continue your treatment and then see if we can make sure to get rid of all of these." He pointed at the paper again.
Mike nodded.
"We have a bit more to go through." The doctor turned back to the file and pulled out another paper. He started talking about different values, blood counts and what not. Mike quickly stopped listening. It was probably a bunch of important information he was being fed right now, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the fact that it was regressing. It was regressing. He could hardly believe it. He was getting better!
"Are you listening to me at all?" Doctor Lundin suddenly asked.
Mike smiled and shook his head. "Not the slightest." He laughed. "Sorry."
"Well, maybe we should call it for today. How about we set up another meeting where we can discuss the next step."
"Okay. Sure. Sounds great." Mike said.
"You can tell Harvey that he can call me if he has any questions."
"So, you think I can survive now? I have a chance right?"
"Yes, you do Mike. I believe you do have a chance. It won't be easy of course, you might have setbacks, the cancer might return. So, we will have you do regular checkups for years to come, and of you need to take it easy, no physical activities."
They talked about bit more about that, and Mike had some questions about bike riding, but shortly after that they ended the meeting. Mike asked if he could keep the images of his heart, and he could. He wanted to show Harvey. In a burst of affections, he gave his doctor a hug and thanked him before leaving the office. He didn't know if it was his imagination or not, but it felt like his steps were lighter. Or was this the way he had walked before? He had no idea.
He took a cab and sent a text to Harvey that he was on his way home. Harvey answered less than a minute later.
I'm on my way.
Mike decided to ignore the fact that Harvey only had been at work for less than two hours, and that he maybe should point that out. But he wanted to tell Harvey.
He dumped all the papers on the table when he got home and went to his room to put on a hoodie. His room. Suddenly he thought about the next step of getting better and what that would mean. He would have to move out of here sooner or later. He didn't know how he felt about that. It was leaning more towards worry then anything else.
He pushed the thought away though. He was getting ahead of himself. The doctor had said that he wasn't out of the woods yet. He still had cancer, just less than before.
He went to sit down at the table and started to look through the bunch of papers he had gotten. It was probably a good idea to know what it said.
-SUITS-
Harvey felt sick as he stared at the screen of his phone. He was yet again in the car on his way home. He had been at a meeting with a few other partners when Mike had texted him. He hadn't even said anything, just looked at Jessica and left the room.
And now Mike hadn't answered him! In a way it made him furious at the kid, but at the same time, he didn't dare to text anything else himself.
I'm going home now.
That was Mike's entire message. What the hell was that? Was it good or bad news? He hadn't answered after Harvey told him that he was coming, so maybe that meant that it had been bad news. Harvey didn't know if he could take that. He didn't know if he had it in him to console Mike yet again, to say useless words of comfort. That he just had to keep fighting. He didn't know if he could do it again, say words he himself had a hard time believing in.
When they arrived, he walked up to his building as in a daze. He stood in the elevator staring down at the floor. He tried to prepare himself, but it wasn't working. It felt like he was going to burst. Please not again, he thought. He didn't want to witness more of Mike being in pain when it was nothing he could do about. He didn't want to have that feeling of helplessness anymore.
Mike was sitting at the table when Harvey stepped inside. He had a file in his hands that he was reading from, not even looking up when Harvey stepped closer. He stopped a few steps away and looked at the kid. His heart was beating like crazy in his chest. He couldn't tell how Mike was feeling.
"Mike?" He said. He sounded hoarse. The younger man jerked in his seat and looked up.
They stared at each other. Harvey watched in terror how Mike's eyes started to fill up with tears. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Then Mike smiled.
"It's regressing Harvey." Mike said, his voice shook with emotions. Tears ran down his cheeks and Harvey stood as frozen trying to take in what Mike had just said.
"The cancer is regressing. I'm going to beat it." Mike looked at him. "Are you okay, Harvey?" He asked.
"What? What are you saying?" Harvey got out as he stared at him. His heart was still beating widely in his chest.
"It's lessened Harvey. It's getting better. They are hopeful that I'm going to make it."
"The tumors are shrinking. Is that what you are saying?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm saying." Mike smiled in the middle of his tears. "Look!" Mike grabbed a paper from the table and stood up and held it out towards Harvey. Harvey felt himself starting to move towards Mike, but he didn't take the paper from Mike's hand, instead he pulled Mike roughly against himself and engulfed him in his arms. Mike made a surprised sound, but then hugged him back. He was laughing a little as he did. Harvey wouldn't let him go as he felt tears starting to gather in his eyes.
"I'm going to make it, Harvey." Mike whispered against him. "I'm going to make it."
"Yes, you are." Harvey got out in what he thought sounded normal. "I've told you that from the start."
Mike pressed himself harder against him then. "I know you did. And it's all thanks to you. I would never have done it without you." Mike let out a sob, and Harvey discreetly wiped his own eyes behind Mike's back.
"You did all the fighting Mike; I was just on your court side. You did it."
Harvey noticed that Mike tried to pull away, but he wasn't ready to let go yet and after few seconds Mike melted in his arms again. When Harvey deemed himself enough put together again, he let go of the kid.
"Tell me more." He said as he walked over to the couch and sat down, he reached for the now wrinkled paper still in Mike's hand. Mike sat down next to him.
"Well, Doctor Lundin said that I'm not out of the woods yet, I still have to continue with chemo and stuff, and they will monitor me for years, but he said that this is great news." Mike was smiling against him, and Harvey couldn't help but smile right back.
"It really is." He agreed.
"He says that I can't do any physical activity, like ever." Mike laughed. "At least not for a while. Like that's what I have missed the most. But I have to take it ease. I have to go on checkups at least once a month the first year and then more seldom."
"Okay, okay. That's all doable Mike. And you were never athletic anyway."
"Hey!"
"Oh, come on, all you did was ride your bike."
"I happen to like that."
"Yeah, but you like it when your heart is beating too, right? So maybe you can skip it a while longer."
Mike rolled his eyes. "I guess."
After that Harvey forced Mike to tell him everything about what he had found out but wasn't surprised when Mike admitted that he hadn't been listening that much.
"He said you can call him and ask."
Harvey rolled his eyes, hit Mike lightly on the arm and then went to make the call. The doctor was unavailable, but returned Harvey's call just fifteen minutes later. He got the information Mike had been vague about and when they hung up he felt how the relief flooded through him. He couldn't believe that they actually had gotten good news.
"It's quite remarkable Harvey." Doctor Lundin had said. "What Doctor Jansson and her team has done has the potential to change the field within soft tissue cancers."
"Right." Harvey said.
After he had ended the call he went back to Mike that was sitting on the couch with his phone in his hands.
"Put that thing away. We are going to celebrate!" Harvey announced.
Mike smiled and did what he was told. "I'm not saying no to that!"
"Have you taken all your meds? Are you up for going out? Be honest."
Mike rolled his eyes at him. "Yes, I've taken them. And yes, I'm up for it! Where are we going?"
"You'll see. Come on. And put on something nicer first will you."
"What?!" Mike said. Harvey ignored him as he went to change himself. He actually dressed down a bit though, since he knew that Mike wouldn't put on a suit or anything. He had complained before that they were too uncomfortable. He was right, because when Mike was done he had jeans and s shirt, and a black hat, instead of the green one he had worn earlier.
"Good. Let's go." Harvey said and ushered the kid out the door. They took a cab to Harvey's favorite bar. Or it was actually his second favorite, the first one wasn't opened for lunch.
"You know I still can't have alcohol right?" Mike asked him as they walked inside to find a table.
"You know sane people don't drink alcohol for lunch." Harvey retorted. "I wasn't going to get you alcohol. You can have juice."
"I'm going to have two." Mike said.
"You can have as many as you like."
Mike laughed at that and Harvey smiled at him. He felt lighter inside as he saw Mike's expression when he studied the menu, the side with drinks. He thought he could see a change in the kid already. Something had lifted from Mike's chest as well as his own. He didn't know if it was his imagination or not, but there was something different. Good different.
-SUITS-
Harvey ordered him three different juices. They both knew that he wasn't going to drink them all, but Harvey didn't seem to care. Mike could see how happy the older man was and he felt touched by it.
"I can't believe that we have come to this." Mike said when the food had arrived.
"What? Is this place not nice enough for you?" Harvey smirked and Mike rolled his eyes at him.
"No, that I actually got some good news. That I might survive."
Harvey looked at him for a long time before he spoke.
"Did you think that you were going to die, Mike?"
Mike paused as well. "I don't know honestly. I think that I did most of the time. I mean I still have it, it might still happen but I feel different now. I'm actually starting to feel better Harvey."
"Yeah. You are? That's great Mike."
Mike smiled. "Yes it is Harvey."
Harvey smiled too. "Well, you did promise that you wouldn't die. I'm still holding you to that."
"When did I do that?" Mike asked.
"I think you know."
"Well, I'm not going to die just to spite you."
"That's reassuring." Harvey said dryly.
"Cheers to that!" Mike said and lifted one of his juice glasses.
They had a nice time at the restaurant. Mike found that he could enjoy himself in a way he hadn't in a long time. It was so strange that just on meeting at the hospital could do that to him. But he felt so different. Logically he knew that this was just the first step, but it was finally in the right direction. He probably shouldn't take anything out in advance, but sitting here with Harvey, almost celebrating, it was hard not to.
When they left the restaurant an hour later that feeling of relief and excitement had faded some. He felt drained and too full. He had had all of his meal.
Harvey looked at him with worry as he stumbled over to his room and laid down.
"Are you doing alright?" Harvey asked, having followed him.
"Yeah, I'm just tired."
"Get some sleep then. I'll wake you up later."
Mike grunted something at him and closed his eyes and drifted off almost immediately.
Harvey was sitting on the couch talking on the phone when Mike slowly made his way into the living room a couple of hours later.
Harvey quickly ended the call. "Yeah, he is up now. See you tomorrow." He turned to Mike who had made himself comfortable on one of the chairs with a blanket over him.
"Donna is coming over tomorrow." He said.
Mike nodded. "Did you tell her?"
"No, I didn't think that thing to tell. It's yours."
"Okay." Mike smiled. "What do you think she's going to say?"
"She's going to be thrilled Mike. She loves you."
Mike looked at Harvey. He had said that so certainly. He felt how his eyes burned and he just smiled again and nodded.
They watched a movie after that. Harvey took out his laptop and worked some. Mike took a little nap to the sound of his typing. Then they had dinner and went to bed.
Harvey was already up when Mike stepped out into the kitchen and went for the drawer where his pills was.
"No, they are here." Harvey had already laid out the ones he was supposed to take.
"Thanks."
"How did you sleep?" Harvey wanted to know.
"Great. I think that was the first time without nightmares in months." He smiled, but Harvey looked serious.
"What?" Mike said and briefly wondered if he had something on his face. He swept with his hand over it, but nothing.
"You have nightmares every night?"
"Yeah. But it's fine Harvey. Mostly I don't remember what they were about."
Harvey did not look pleased.
"I'm fine. It mostly doesn't bother me." Mike tried to reassure him.
"You are supposed to tell me stuff like that." Harvey muttered.
"You want me to tell you every time I have a nightmare?"
"When something is bothering you, I want to know."
"Okay, Harvey." Mike said, with no intention of following through. Harvey didn't need to know every little thing that bothered him.
"Donna will be here in twenty minutes. You have time to take a shower." Harvey said.
"What about breakfast?"
"Go." Harvey said, so Mike went to take a shower.
It took him longer than twenty minutes and Donna was sitting next to Harvey with a cup of tea in her hands when he returned to the kitchen.
They greeted each other and she gave him a hug. Harvey left a little while later and Mike finished his breakfast with Donna as company. After that they relaxed on the couch for a while and Donna told him the latest news from the office. Mike wasn't really listening. He tried to think of the best way to tell her his own news. He knew that she probably already had guessed it, she had known about all the tests and that he had gotten the results. But she was waiting for him to tell her himself. Eventually he had decided that he didn't want to do it inside the condo.
"Donna, do you want to go for a walk?"
"A walk? Are you sure?" she looked hesitant.
"Yes, come on. I have something to tell you!"
Donna smiled at his excitement. "You do, do you?"
But she agreed to go for a walk, and they made their way downstairs, and started to walk arm in arm towards the closest park. They continued to talk about other things as they walked. Donna told him about the latest hires of associates, which was mostly women this time.
"I'm missing so much. I'm going to be behind all of them." Mike complained.
"With that mind of yours?" Donna tapped him on the side of his head.
They got to the park and sat down on one of the benches. An older man with a dog was sitting on the bench next to them and the black older looking dog eagerly came up to Mike, before the older man had time to react. Mike happily patted him after a nod from it's owner.
"So, what was it that you wanted to tell me Mike?" Donna asked after they waved goodbye to the man and his dog.
Mike smiled. "I think you know."
"Mike. I want to hear you say it."
Mike nodded and felt how his eyes burned a little, but he ignored it.
"It's my cancer Donna. It's regressing. I'm getting better."
Donna let out a deep breath as she smiled. Mike could see how her eyes were starting to look shiny.
"Oh Mike." She said and then drew him close to her and held on to him hard. He hugged her back and for a long time they stayed like that.
Donna wiped her eyes when they let go. "Tell me everything." She then said, so Mike did.
"It's really amazing news Mike. I knew you could beat it."
"I'm not cancer free yet Donna. I haven't beaten it."
"But soon you have." She said. Mike chuckled a little.
"Yes, I hope so."
Donna took his hand in hers and kept it until they started to head back again.
"Can I tell the others? They would really like to know. Unless you want to swing by the office again and tell them yourself."
"No, you can tell them if you want." Mike said. He didn't feel like going to the office again yet. Last time it had felt so strange, and he wanted to wait with going back again.
"I'll tell them." Donna said.
A couple of pretty uneventful days later Harvey and Mike went to another meeting with a couple of doctors at the hospital. Doctor Jansson was there too this time. She spoke for a long time about the trial drug and what they had done with it. They decided on the next steps for his treatment. He was to continue with chemotherapy and the trial drug. Other things were decided as well treatment-wise.
Mike felt rather down when they finally could leave. Him getting entirely well from the cancer felt so far away now. New rounds of chemo were in his near future and it wasn't something that he looked forward to.
"Doctor Jansson was excited." Harvey said. "It sounded like she wants to write an article about your case."
Mike rolled his eyes. "Yeah."
Harvey patted his back so that he stumbled forward a bit and Harvey grabbed his arm. "You'll be fine, kid."
-SUITS-
Mike was going to be okay. He was going to live. Harvey felt so damn relieved. Everything they had been through, all the pain Mike had endured, the heart failures, the operations, the nightmares, the emotions, it was all going to be worth it, because Mike was going to come out of it alive. Nothing else mattered. He looked over towards the younger man, where he was sitting on the couch. Or actually he was slouched down, so that he could lean his head on the back of the couch. The kid yawned and his eyes fluttered close the next minute. It was only a little after four in the afternoon and they had been home from the hospital for a couple of hours. Harvey debated with himself if he should wake him or not but didn't in the end.
Mike still looked like he was dying, there wasn't much change there, especially now when he was sleeping. His skin was still very pale, and he had dark circles around his eyes, almost gray. Sleeping he looked so young as well.
Harvey grabbed a blanket from one of the chairs and carefully spread it over Mike. He jerked a bit when he looked at the kid and saw that he was looking up at him. Mike smiled a little and closed his eyes again.
"Thanks." He whispered and Harvey lightly squeezed his shoulder.
The next day Adam came over and Mike got to tell the nurse the good news. Harvey only heard part of their conversation, since he felt for work in the middle of it, but the nurse sounded shocked.
"He actually cried!" Mike told him later that evening when it was just the two of them again.
"Maybe not full on crying, but I definitely could see some tears there." He continued. "Did I tell you that he was hired under the assumption that I was going to die? That it was going to be like end of life care, or whatever."
"What? No, you never told me that!" Harvey exclaimed. "Who told him that?"
Mike just shrugged. "I don't know. But it doesn't matter. He said that he knew it wasn't going to be that pretty soon, and that I would be his first."
"First what?"
"First patient to survive I guess."
"He told you that?"
"Don't be pissed. We dealt with it. It's no big deal."
Harvey who strongly disagreed, tried to make his face look neutral. It didn't sound professional at all to talk like that to one's patient. But Mike was apparently over it, he seemed prouder about the fact that he was going to defy the nurse, than anything else. He went on about the pair's conversation.
"You know, I'm going to miss hanging out with him. He is pretty cool."
"Didn't always sound like that." Harvey muttered.
"That was only when I thought that you were just ditching me on to him."
"Who says I'm not doing that now?"
Mike laughed a little.
"How long do you think we still are going to need him?" He asked next.
"I don't know Mike. You are not out of the woods yet and I don't feel comfortable with you being alone."
"Yeah, and I don't think I want to be alone that much either yet. It's kind of boring." He smiled a little at Harvey, who smiled back. He was fairly sure that Mike meant that he still was uncomfortable with being alone. Maybe it still scared him. Harvey didn't push it further than that. But he had no plans of letting Mike stay alone for longer periods of time. He knew that something might still happen. They couldn't relax just because they had had some positive news for a change, things could still turn worse again.
A couple of days passed. They went back and forth to the hospital again for different meetings and test. Harvey went with Mike to almost all of the appointments. There were meetings about treatment plans, about changes to the medication, which Mike thought was especially boring. More treatment was planned, that was set to start in a few weeks.
Then came yet another bad day. Harvey went to wake Mike up but found it hard. Mike didn't wake up from Harvey just calling his name, like he usually did. Instead he had to go in and shake Mike rather violently to get him to open his eyes. He was almost about to check for the kid's pulse.
"What?" Mike whispered when Harvey let go of him.
"Good morning to you too. Time for pills." Harvey said.
Mike fell back asleep, probably even before he finished his sentence. He had to shake him again.
"Seriously." He muttered to himself.
"I'm tired." Mike whined, but Harvey rose the bed and made him take the pills.
"I need to sleep more." Mike had mumbled after that and fell sleep in what looked like seconds.
"I can see that." Harvey said and smiled a little, as he lowered the bed back down. He decided to cancel a meeting and make another into a phone call, so that he didn't have to go into the office. He worked for a couple of hours in Mike's room, while the younger man kept sleeping. Harvey thought it was a little weird, Mike had gone to bed early the day before, so he shouldn't be this tired. But he just let him sleep. Clearly he needed it.
He made himself some lunch and brought a portion over to Mike as well. He managed to get Mike to eat some of it, and after that he decided to take that phone call in the living room. It took some time and Harvey wandered around in the condo while talking. He made a few other calls, both to Donna and Jessica.
About two hours had passed since he last checked on Mike, so he walked over to the kid's room. To his surprise, he was awake this time. Mike was blinking slowly. He was just laying there, looking at nothing. Harvey watched the younger man for a bit without saying anything. He then noticed that Mike was shaking slightly. Immediately his sensors went off. Something was indeed wrong.
"Mike?" He said calmly. "Are you doing okay?"
Mike slowly turned his head to look at him.
"No." Mike got out. It looked like it took a lot of effort for him to just say that simple word.
"What's wrong then?"
Mike breathed deeply a few times, but then shook his head a tiny bit. "I don't know." He whispered.
Harvey squeezed his shoulder a little and then stroked his arm up and down, in what he hoped would be calming. He then helped Mike to take some pills and to drink a bit of water. Mike didn't say anything but looked at him with a tired emotionless expression. It almost looked like he wasn't really there, and that worried Harvey to some extent. He expected Mike to fall back asleep again, but he didn't. Instead he just laid where he was without moving or speaking, just slowly blinking, looking up at the ceiling. Harvey was sitting on the bed beside him to keep him company. He had his laptop in his lap and had actually gotten some work done.
When it was time to for dinner Harvey decided that Mike needed to eat something this time. He hadn't had much at all today. He told Mike that he was making them something to eat and Mike nodded a little to show that he understood. When Harvey was finished he hesitated whether he should set the table or bring the food to Mike in bed. He decided to bring the kid out to the table. Mike had been laying down all day.
"Mike, come with me to the table." He said, a little surprised that Mike was still awake. He seemed exhausted. At first Mike didn't react, but then he slowly started to remove the cover and turn on his side. Harvey helped him to sit up, and then helped him to put on a hoodie. Mike was silent and didn't do much to help. He looked on while Harvey zipped up the hoodie and took his hand as Harvey heaved him upright. Harvey held Mike's arm as they slowly made their way through the condo.
"Good job." Harvey said as he helped Mike to sit down.
"Yeah…" Mike smiled a little. His was breathing heavily and Harvey couldn't help but to feel worried as he took a seat himself and started to eat. It took some time before Mike reached for his glass to drink, he was still out of breath.
Harvey tried to small talk, but Mike barely answered him. He barely ate either, when he considered himself done, more than half the plate was still full. And yet Harvey had given him a small portion. He didn't say anything though, instead he got up and help Mike back to bed.
-SUITS-