Chapter 75.
They had been at the hospital for three days, or Mike had been. Harvey had left the last night. He had felt sad then but had pretended that he was fine with it. He felt better now though when they were home again. Harvey seemed to be happy about it too. He had wanted to celebrate somehow, and Mike wasn't going to say no to that.
He felt a bit more leveled now. He didn't get any of the weird thoughts he had had recently, which he was grateful for. It had been awful. He had felt destroyed and depressed. He had cried that night when he had asked to sleep in Harvey's bed.
It had been so hard to ask that question, but it had been on his mind for hours and he had been so determined to ask it. But Harvey had said no, and he had lost it. A million dark thoughts had fought for attention in his brain, so much so that he had collapsed. Then Harvey had walked back into the living room, brought him with him and told him that they were going to the hospital. Mike had been fine with that. He would have been fine with whatever Harvey had suggested. Something he never would admit to Harvey. He was just so grateful that Harvey wanted to help him out.
Hopefully, they would be able to get past this now. Or rather he hoped that he would be able to get past it. That he would feel a bit better. At the hospital he had talked to one of the doctors. She had talked about the effects that lack of sleep could have on his mind and body. It could even be dangerous. Mike was inclined to agree on that.
He really wanted to move on from all of that now though. Harvey constantly reminded him though by being so careful around him again. Just like Harvey had been after he had had surgeries or when he had been blind. Now he constantly asked how he had slept, how long, if he had had nightmares, if he had taken the sleeping pills. They were pretty strong, and more effective than the ones he had gotten the first time. It didn't give him restless nights with nightmares, but at least he slept. He lied to Harvey and said that he felt well rested, but the truth was that he still felt tired every time he woke up. He tried to ignore that though. He had decided to try harder at everything. He tried to be nicer, eat more, do whatever Harvey told him quicker. At least he did that for a while. It was exhausting in the long run.
Adam came and stayed the whole day with him two days after they got home from the hospital. Harvey said that he had something important to do at the office. Mike didn't listen all that much when Harvey explained it, but it was something with a case and Jessica. Mike had pretended that he had heard everything when Harvey stopped talking and had looked at him.
"Yeah. I understand." He said, and Harvey seemed satisfied.
"I won't leave you alone though. Don't worry." Harvey said.
Mike hadn't worried about that. He knew that Harvey wouldn't do that right now. He had shown Harvey that it wasn't time to do that right now, embarrassingly enough. Like he was some child. He tried not to think about it though.
Adam had brought a board game that they played a couple of times. It was actually quite fun and challenging. The nurse had also brought a few books that he thought that Mike needed to read. Two of them was about soccer and Mike had been skeptical. He promised to read them anyway.
Adam also dragged him out on a walk around the block and said that from now on they were going to do that every time he came. Mike wasn't so sure about that.
Donna came the day after. The day with her was more relaxing. She let Mike stay in bed, while she lay next to him as they watched movies and drank tea. She told him about the case Harvey and Jessica were working on. It was a big deal for the firm and if they won the case they would be able to sign a big client. She warned Mike that Harvey would have to be away a lot.
"He won't leave you alone though. Or neglect you. I'll force him to leave early." Donna reassured him. Mike believed her. Harvey did show up with dinner for all three of them that night and talked excitedly about the case at the dinner table. Donna rolled her eyes at Mike, who couldn't help but laugh.
"What?" Harvey asked and frowned. "You think that's funny?"
"Eh. No." Mike said. "I was just thinking of a funny joke."
Harvey shook his head at him and instead turned towards Donna.
Harvey stayed home a couple of hours with him the next day, and then Adam arrived and stayed until late. Mike had a bad day with a quite severe headache, so he spent most of the day in bed. He managed to avoid going for a walk.
"I'll let it slide this time." Adam said quietly where he sat next to Mike on the chair. Then the nurse asked if Mike wanted to be red to. Mike said yes. Harvey called him to say good night that evening. Mike thought it was pretty sweet and told Harvey that.
Adam came over the next morning as well, even before breakfast. Apparently Harvey needed to leave early.
"I'll be home around four, I think. Be good today." Harvey said as he left the breakfast table. Mike waved him away.
"He treats me like a child." He complained to Adam as soon as Harvey had closed the door.
"I thought you liked that." Adam smirked.
"He likes it too. I'm quite sure that is his greatest enjoyment."
"And you are letting him have his fun, are you?"
"I guess so." Mike smiled.
"So, how are you feeling then?"
"I'm fine. I've told you that already." Mike said.
"I know. But I wasn't talking about your physical wellbeing right now."
"Of course, you weren't." Mike said dryly. He knew what was coming now.
"Harvey told me about when you got those." Adam pointed at Mike's left hand, where the scars from the broken glass still hadn't healed fully.
Mike put both of his hand's out of view below the table. Adam continued.
"He also said that you spoke to a doctor about trying out some therapy again?"
"Yeah. They thought I should give that another go."
"Yeah. So, do you remember the support group you went to once?"
"Yes, of course I do. I remember all of them, I remember everything they said, everything I said…"
Adam held up his hands. "Fine, I get it. You remember. What do you say about heading back there then? I really think it will be good for you to talk to others that are in your situation."
Mike bit his bottom lip a bit and contemplated it. He had sort of said that he would try therapy again. But he hadn't really thought that it would be to the same group.
"I only went there that one time." He said hesitantly.
"That doesn't matter. People come and go in that group."
"But can I really go there, after this long? I kind of though that it would be to a different group."
"Of course, you can. I'm friends with Annika, the group leader, and I spoke to her about you. She said she will be delighted to have you back."
Mike laughed a little. "She said that?"
"Sure." Adam smiled. "So, what do you say?"
"So, do you think I need it?"
"I think it would benefit you, yes. And you already know a few of them, like you said. The people there know what you are going through and what you have been through. And now you have some distance to the worst periods of your cancer journey. You might be able to help someone else too, Mike."
"You think?"
"I do."
Mike nodded slowly. He didn't know what to think about this. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to go to one of the group meetings again. It had been pretty okay that first time. He didn't know now why he only went once. Maybe he had been too sick back then. It felt like years ago. He remembered feeling so insecure then, had even had Adam accompany him there. He remembered feeling better for a moment though.
"Okay, sure." He decided. "It's not like I have much else going on at the moment."
Adam smiled and nodded. "Good decision, man. Good decision. I'll let Annika know to expect you."
"Okay."
Harvey also thought it was a good decision to go to the support group, when Mike told him about it later that night. Like Harvey hadn't been the one to secretly push for it.
"I think that will help Mike. You can talk to people who are going through the same thing as you."
"Yeah… People keep saying that. We can talk about different types of chemo, how many operations we have had, or maybe who has the record in throwing up the most during one single day."
"Mike, come on."
"Yeah, okay. I know what you mean. And you don't have to convince me, I've already said that I'm going to go."
"Good boy." Harvey patted him on the arm and Mike rolled his eyes and pulled it away.
"No, I'm proud of you, Mike." Harvey's smirk disappeared and Mike felt warm inside when he looked into Harvey's eyes.
"Thank you." He said quietly. They looked at each other for a long time.
"Do we hug?" Mike then asked and Harvey laughed.
"If you want." He said.
Mike patted Harvey's arm instead.
"So, when are you going then?" Harvey asked.
"I don't know. Adam is going to talk to the group leader."
The next time Adam came over they talked about it, all three of them.
"They will be happy to have you, whenever you want Mike." Adam said. "The next meeting is on Tuesday. I can bring you over there if you want."
"Okay." Mike said. "But you don't have to go with me. I can go by myself."
"Are you sure?" Harvey asked.
Mike glared a little at him. "Yes, I'm sure." He said.
"There's been a few changes in the groups since you last went, Annika wanted you to be prepared for that. It's not the same people there as the last time."
Mike nodded. "That's fine."
Adam just looked at him for a while. "Should I let her know that you will be there on Tuesday then?" He eventually asked.
"Yes, you can do that." Mike said. He felt a bit distracted. He still didn't feel entirely sure about going to group therapy again. He felt pretty nervous about it actually. But everyone around him seemed to think that it was a very good idea, so he couldn't back out of it now. He would go this one time and see how it felt, and if it was okay he would see. That was a good plan. One thing at the time, like always.
Harvey left for work and Mike lay down on the couch. It was four days left until Tuesday.
"So, what do you want to do today?" Harvey asked the next morning after breakfast. It was Saturday and Harvey apparently wanted to make up for the fact that he had gotten home after Mike had gone to sleep the day before.
"I don't know." Mike said.
"You don't know? I'm letting you choose what you want to do, and you don't know!"
Mike rolled his eyes. "You are always letting me choose." He said.
"In that case, I'm choosing today. Go and get dressed." Harvey waved him away and Mike did what he was told. He came back into the living room at the same time as Harvey hung up the phone.
"Is that what you are wearing? Put on another sweater." Harvey said and waved him away again. Mike let out a sigh and did what he was told.
"Have you taken all your meds?" Harvey asked.
"You put them out for me." Mike noted.
"So, you are good?" Harvey wanted to know.
"Yes, Harvey."
"Let's go then." Harvey said and walked towards the door. Mike smiled to himself and followed him.
"Where are we going?" He asked in the elevator, but Harvey didn't answer.
They took a cab for about ten minutes and then Harvey told Mike to sit down on a bench and wait for him.
"I'll be back in five minutes. Don't move."
Mike promised not to move, and Harvey left.
A couple of minutes later Harvey returned but this time he was sitting in on the driver's seat in a nice-looking car. It looked old and expensive. Mike, who knew nothing about cars and had no idea which type of car it was, was impressed.
"Wow!" He exclaimed and stood up and walked over, Harvey leaned over and opened the passenger door for him.
"Get in. We are going for a ride." Harvey said and smiled from ear to ear. He looked pleased with himself.
"This is cool Harvey." Mike said, as he fastened his seatbelt.
"I know." Harvey said.
The next hour was one of the best Mike had had in a long time. They drove around, talked and Harvey told him everything he knew about the car. Harvey let him decide where they were going, and they even drove past his apartment. It felt strange to be outside it. It was so long ago since he had been there. Harvey didn't want to stay long though.
"We'll get robbed." He said.
They returned to where they started and took a cab back home.
"Thank you, Harvey." Mike said. "Today was really nice."
They were back on the couch again, Mike under a blanket.
"They day is not over yet." Harvey said. They ordered Thai food and watched movies the rest of the day. The day after too. Harvey didn't want him to overdo it, and Mike had to argue a bit.
"You know I'm doing better!" He said. "I'm sleeping much better now."
"Not like you did before." Harvey countered.
"I slept that much because I was much sicker then. Now, I'm healthier, so I can do more things."
"We'll see." Harvey said.
Mike started to argue back, but Harvey just held up a hand and stopped him. He said that they were doing stuff, watching movies on the couch wasn't really something new though, according to Mike.
Adam came early on Monday morning and stayed until lunch when Donna arrived. She left when Harvey came that evening.
"You guys are working in shifts now." Mike remarked. "Three on one day."
"Yes, you are that special." Harvey said without looking at him.
"Apparently." Mike said.
"So, how do you feel about tomorrow?" Harvey asked when they were sitting across from each other at the dinner table.
"Fine." Mike said. "Little nervous maybe."
"Yeah?"
"I don't know what to talk about."
"There is plenty." Harvey said. "Didn't you say something about a record in throwing up?"
"Ha ha."
"No, seriously, Mike. I think it will be good for you. Maybe you can talk about stuff that you don't talk to me about."
"What? I talk to you about everything."
"No, you don't."
"I don't know." Mike said and looked away. He actually didn't want to talk to Harvey about this. Hm. Maybe the other man had a point.
Harvey offered to give him a ride to the meeting the next morning.
"Won't you be late then? I can go by myself. It's fine."
"Well, I just have a quick meeting, and then I'll head back home. So, I'll be there when you get back." Harvey said.
Mike opened his mouth to tell Harvey that it was fine if he wasn't, but then he closed it again. Harvey wanted to be there for him, he should just let him. So, instead he nodded and thanked him. He also agreed to let Ray drive him and drop him off, and then take him home after the group meeting was finished. Harvey said Ray could wait as long as he needed. Harvey took a cab to work a little bit later.
He felt nervous as he stood in the lobby of Harvey's building, looking for Ray's car. For a moment he almost thought about heading upstairs again. He could say that he got a really bad headache all of a sudden. But then he decided to not be a coward and just face it.
Ray small talked with him the entire way and Mien appreciated it a lot.
"Just give me a call when you want me to pick you up again." The driver said before Mike got out of the car.
"Okay. Thanks Ray."
Without stopping to let himself think Mike walked up to the building and soon found the right room. He didn't know why he was so nervous about this. He was only about five minutes early and decided to head in straight away.
A few people were already there, and they all looked up when he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
"Mike! It's so nice to see you again." The woman Mike remembered as Annika, the group leader, came towards him with her arms outstretched. He stepped forward and she pulled him in for a hard hug. She kept a hand on his arm as they pulled apart.
"How have you been?" She asked.
Mike couldn't help but smile towards her. "I've been doing better lately." He said. "I'm glad to be back."
"And we are so happy to have you back. I think you will recognize a few of the people from the last time you were here. Why don't you take a seat? We'll start in a few minutes."
She led him towards a chair, and he sat down. Two other people were already there, except him and Annika. An older man was standing in a corner and seemed to be looking at some photographs, and a middle ages woman with a blue scarf wrapped around her head was sitting across from him. She looked to be in a pretty bad condition and Mike suspected that she was doing chemo at the moment. He noticed that she had some blisters in the corner of her mouth, similar to ones he had had himself. He felt both sorry for her and at the same time relieved that he wasn't in the same position. But thinking like that made him feel a little guilty. He tried to meet her eyes to give her a smile, but she kept looking down.
Soon the door opened again, and Annika went to greet the newcomers. Two men and an older woman. They all talked to each other, and hugged Annika. Mike recognized two of them, and one of them waved at Mike.
More people kept coming until the seats in the room were full. A few of them introduced themselves to Mike. Some of them were new people, and some had been on the first meeting he went to.
Then the session started, and Annika welcomed them all. She talked for a while and updated them on someone that had had a successful operation. After that they started to go around the circle and each person got to share their thoughts and news. The woman with the blue scarf turned out to be much younger than Mike had thought. She told them that she had decided to drop out of collage now when her treatment was becoming more intense.
"I just can't keep up any longer. I thought I could, but I can't anymore." She said. She also said that she considered moving back home to her mother and asked the group about their thoughts.
Then it was Mike's turn and all eyes turned on him. He found that he unconsciously shifted on his chair.
"This is Mike." Annika introduced him. "A few of you have met before, Mike has been with here earlier. Do you want to tell us how you have been since you were here last?"
"I've been doing better lately." He started, but then hesitated.
"That's great news. Continue." Annika said.
"Well, actually I've gotten some good news. My cancer is regressing." He looked around the group. He felt uncomfortable telling them this, like he was going to be met with resentment or anger. He was doing better, while they were all so ill. But he was mistaken.
"Wow!" One of the older men said, and then he started to clap his hands together. Almost immediately the others joined him in the applause. Everywhere he saw smiling faces and he felt how a warm feeling started to fill him.
"Thank you. Thanks." He said when their cheers died down.
"That's really great news, Mike. Wonderful!"
"Isn't that a kind of medical miracle?" The old man that had started to applaud him asked. "This young man had been diagnosed with heart cancer." He told the others.
"Really! That's basically a death sentence." The man next to him, whose name was Jonas said. "How did you do it?"
Mike told them about the trial he was taken part in and the results of it.
"Just like that? Without side effects?" A woman named Molly asked.
"No, there were side effects." He told them about that too. Another guy had also had seizures he 2ad told.
"Wow. Imagine being that lucky." The college girl said. "I wished someone would offer me to take part in a trial. You must have been over the moon." She had gotten something dreamlike in her eyes.
"Ehm… yeah." Mike said and felt himself blushing. He wished it would be someone else's turn.
"Well, you must be very happy, Mike." Annika said.
"Yeah. Sure." Mike said.
"Young man, don't feel bad about telling us your good news. This is all we want to hear about in this group. We are very happy for you." The old man said. And Mike felt that warm feeling again when he looked into his eyes.
"Thank you." He said and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"I agree with Tobias," Annika said. "Never feel ashamed for feeling good in this group Mike. We all love good news here."
"Yes. You are our proof now, that miracles happen." The college girl said.
"Yes. You give us hope." Someone said.
"Like Julie used to do." Tobias said. They all got quite for a moment and Mike didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He had noticed that the mood in the room shifted. Then Annika spoke, directed to him.
"Do you remember Julie, Mike? She was here on your first meeting."
Mike nodded. He remembered Julie as the teenager that had been very interested in his gunshot wound the last time. He had noticed right away that she wasn't there anymore. He missed a few other people as well.
"Yeah, I've noticed that some people that were here that time isn't here anymore." He said.
Annika looked at him for a long moment and then smiled a little.
"Yes." She said. "People have left. But we keep them in our memories. We also keep their photos on the wall over there, if their loved ones approve, of course." She pointed to a corner. "We can remember them after the session if you want, Mike."
Mike swallowed hard, tried to meet her smile and nodded.
He had a hard time listening to what was said after that. He knew what she meant. They weren't here anymore. He thought back and there was five people missing from that first time. Five people.
Everyone in the room got their chance to speak and Mike just wanted it to be over. He glanced over to the wall with the photos in small black frames. He needed to see it.
Finally, the meeting finished. The last thing they did was to go around the group and everyone got to say something that they would take with them from the meeting.
When it was time for the college girl to talk she looked straight at Mike.
"That miracles do happen." She said.
Mike did his best to smile at her, but he felt how his eyes burnt. He wasn't sure why yet.
When it was his turn he just said that it was nice to be around people with similar experiences.
People started to drop off. A few said goodbye to him and said that they hoped to see him again next week. When Annika stopped to talk to the collage girl Mike stood up and made his way over to the wall with the pictures. He didn't know if this was such a good idea, but he had to know.
He stopped close enough to be able to see the faces in the frames. His eyes wandered between the photos of smiling faces. And there, he recognized that man. He had said that his boss wanted to fire him when he got his cancer diagnosis. He recognized two more faces before he saw her, Julie. At first he didn't realize that it was her because he had long blond hair on the picture. Hair she had lost when he had met her.
His mind started playing the events of the last meeting. He remembered the girl's excitement, her worry about her parents and how boring she had thought chemo was. And now she was gone. She had stopped existing; her parents had lost her.
She was gone and Mike was still here. He felt like something inside him was breaking apart, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture.
"Are you okay?" Said a voice behind him and he jerked a little.
He shook his head without looking at Annika.
"They all fought bravely." She said. "We have lost four of our group members since you were here the first time. But Albin has been declared cancer free. He has moved to Florida to be close to his grandkids."
Mike's brain barely registered what she was saying. He wanted to leave now. He closed his eyes to get away from their smiles.
He quickly thanked Annika and left without letting her say anything else. As soon as he got outside he texted Ray and wished that the driver would have been waiting right outside. He was breathing deeply and tried to push his thoughts away, but they threatened to overwhelm him. He just wanted to get home before he burst.
After what felt like ages Ray's car drove up to the curb where he was standing.
"Are you alright Mike?" Ray asked him as soon as he got into the car. Mike briefly smiled at the other man and nodded. He noticed that he couldn't keep his legs still. He looked out the window and watched how the buildings passed them by.
Four people had died. Four people he had known had died from the same illness he had. He hadn't known that they were that ill. If he had known he would have… he didn't know what he would have done.
He thought of the girl. She had been so full of life and joy when he had met her, like she didn't let the cancer bother her at all. Why did she have to die when he got to live? It seemed so unfair. She had been so young. She deserved to live more than he did. He felt tears threatening.
Ray said something.
"What?" He asked.
"Do you need me to follow you upstairs, Mike?"
He noticed that they had stopped outside their building. He shook his head and opened the door and stepped out. He ignored it when Ray called after him. He needed to go upstairs. He needed to be alone. He was breathing hard in the elevator on his way up. He felt ill. The same thoughts rushed around in his head, over and over. He wished he hadn't gone. He had been feeling okay before today. Now he felt all sorts of things. He just couldn't stop thinking about them, and he felt guilty.
-SUITS-
Harvey heard how the door opened from where he was standing in the kitchen. He was just about to call out to Mike when he saw in the corner of his eyes how he hurried passed him, without even acknowledging Harvey. He heard how Mike's door was slammed shut hard. Harvey sighed a little too himself. What was going on now? He decided to let Mike have some space before he went to check on him. He finished cleaning up, washed his hands and looked at his watch, the gift Mike had gotten him on his birthday. He slowly walked over to Mike's room. He was just about to knock when he heard something that made him not bother with that. He opened the door and stepped inside.
What he saw worried him, a lot. Mike was sitting on the foot of his bed with his back against Harvey. His whole frame was shaking uncontrollably, he was crying so hard. Harsh sobs welled out of the younger man, and Harvey knew that he wasn't even trying to control himself.
"Oh Mike. What's wrong?" He exclaimed and stepped over to the kid. When he placed a hand on Mike's shoulder he was surprised when Mike's shrugged his hand off him.
"No! Don't!" He yelled and let out a few sobs. He turned his head away from Harvey.
"Mike. What happened? Talk to me?"
Harvey decided to sit down next to him on the bed and to let Mike come to him if he wanted to.
"I shouldn't have gone. I wish I never went."
"Was it that difficult?"
Harvey wanted to swear out load but stopped himself. He had been pushing Mike towards going to this, the kid had been reluctant about it.
"Yes! It was!" Mike cried some more. "It was awful. They were gone Harvey!"
"What? Who were gone?" What was the kid talking about? Harvey had thought that Mike had found it difficult to talk about his cancer, but apparently that wasn't it.
Mike wiped his face with both hands and panted a bit. He was trying to calm himself down. Harvey tried again with placing a hand on Mike's shoulder. This time Mike stilled when he did so. He took several deep breaths and Harvey shushed him and waited.
Mike managed to calm down, but he still had tears in his eyes.
"I… I wasn't prepared." He said. "I don't know why it hit me so hard, I just…" He stopped. Harvey waited for him to continue.
"Four people from the first time I went were gone. They died. Two older guys. A middle-aged woman with a son. And…and this young girl, Julie. Last time she…she seemed so happy and carefree. Like the cancer wasn't a big deal. And now she's gone and…"
Mike let out a few sobs and again wiped his eyes.
"It's not fair." He continued. "She is dead and I'm still here. Why do I get to live, and she had to die? It should have been me. She was so young. What have I done to get to survive? Nothing! I'm a fraud. I have no family left that'll miss me, it should have been me…"
Harvey had had enough now. "Mike, stop. Hey… I'm so sorry." He pulled Mike a little towards him and the younger man complied. Mike fell against him and started to cry harder. Harvey wrapped his arms around him. He slowly rocked them back and forth as he stroked Mike's back. Mike continued to cry against him and mumbled about how unfair it was, and about that it should have been him. Harvey wished he would stop saying that.
"I don't want to go back. I don't want to go there. I don't, I don't, I don't." He said.
"You don't have to. No one is going to force you. I'm so sorry Mike."
"I didn't want them to die… They didn't deserve it. I should have…"
"Okay. You need to stop saying that. You don't deserve to die either Mike." Harvey held him away from him to be able to look at the kid. Mike's wet, red eyes met his. He didn't argue back. Harvey felt like he could cry a bit himself.
"You deserve to be here Mike, just as much as they did. I'm sorry about…" He couldn't finish the sentence. Mike didn't need him to though, because he started to lean towards Harvey again, so Harvey pulled him back towards his chest. He felt how Mike leaned his head towards his chest and felt how his sobs shook him.
For a long time, they remained like that, neither of them spoke. Mike then straightened up a little and dragged a hand over his face. He took a few deep breathes. He then stumbled over to the nightstand and found a few tissues. Harvey waited where he was, and Mike soon returned to his spot next to him. He waited because he knew that Mike had more to say. Mike spoke a minute later.
"She had a family. Parents. She… she s-spoke about how worried they were about her. At that meeting I told them about that time when I was shot at the office and how Jack came to the hospital afterwards. She was thrilled about it and said that nothing exciting ever happened when she was at the hospital." Mike smiled a little now. "She thought chemo was super boring."
Harvey laughed a little too. "Seems like it is."
"Yeah." Mike said. "It's so unfair though. She was so young. And the others, they had people that loved them too…"
"Mike. You have people who love you."
"I know, Harvey. I'm just thinking about how it must be like for their families. To be at the hospital and get the news…"
"It's the worst feeling you ever will experience. Like you are getting ripped into pieces and you know you will never be truly whole again. That what it feels like." Harvey interrupted him. "I have been there Mike."
"You mean your father… I'm sorry, Harvey."
"I'm not talking about my father Mike. I'm talking about you. I've been told that you wouldn't survive the night. I've been advised to say goodbye to you. So, I've been there."
Mike looked at him for a long time. He nodded and swallowed hard. He then placed a hand on Harvey's shoulder and squeezed a bit. "I'm sorry I put you through that." He whispered.
Harvey smiled and shook his head. "I just got a taste of what it would be like. You didn't make me to go through the whole thing."
Mike nodded. "Thank you." He said then after a moment. "You always manage to say stuff that makes me feel better."
Harvey raised an eyebrow. "Me telling you how horrible it was when you lay for death makes you feel better."
Mike rolled his eyes. "No. You, telling me you care about me and that you love me does." He smirked at Harvey's expression. "You don't need to say it in those words. I know they are true."
Harvey didn't say anything to that, but he smiled and then hugged Mike back when he initiated it.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" Mike asked after he pushed himself away from Harvey's arms. "I'd like to think about something else for a while."
"Sure. But it's my turn to choose." Harvey got up and smiled to himself when Mike immediately argued that it was his turn. He chose a movie that Mike had put on their list.
He had thought that Mike was feeling better, but that night when it was time for them to go to bed Mike was reluctant.
"I'm not even tired. Can't we watch another one?" He asked.
"No, Mike. I've already said no. I am tired."
"But…"
Harvey ignored him and went to the bathroom. A little later he went over to Mike's bedroom to say goodnight, like he always did. Mike had redressed and was sitting on the bed with his knees drawn up. He looked exhausted now and Harvey knew that he had lied earlier.
"You good?" Harvey asked and Mike shrugged. Harvey hesitated, but Mike didn't say anything. So, Harvey wished him a good night and started to head out of the room.
"Wait." Mike said then, so Harvey turned back to him.
"I don't want to be alone." Mike said. "Don't leave me alone. Please, I can't... Not tonight. I don't want to." His tired eyes started to water, and he bit his lips. He sounded so much younger than he was.
"Mike…"
"I'm sorry, but you know I start to think about things, and I get all messed up." He looked down, but Harvey could see that his eyes were shiny.
"Hey… Of course. Do you just want to come and sleep on my bed?"
Mike let out a sigh but nodded. "If that's okay?"
"Yes." Harvey yawned. "Come on, kid."
"Thanks." Mike mumbled, grabbed his cover, and followed after Harvey over to his bedroom.
Harvey moved a pillow to the side and laid down on his side of the bed. Mike slowly laid down next to him. The younger man was quiet and had pulled his cover high up. Harvey watched him for a minute, but Mike looked like he was lost in thought. Harvey felt bad for him, but at the same time he wished that Mike would just fall asleep. He sighed a little. He was tired.
"So, are you doing okay?" He asked.
Mike took a while to answer. But then he shook his head.
"Yeah… I'm sorry Mike. I'm here though."
"I know." Mike said, without moving.
Harvey yawned again and shifted a little.
"Can I turn the lights off?" He asked, hoping for a yes.
"No, can't you leave them on?" Mike pleaded, so Harvey couldn't do anything else but to leave them on. But he was pretty sure that he was tired enough to sleep with them on, so he wasn't going to complain. Not that he would anyway.
"Sure." He said now. "Do you want to talk, Mike?"
"No." Was the answer.
"Okay."
They were silent for a while and Harvey felt how his eyes started to close on their own. He forced them opened again, he wanted to stay awake until Mike fell asleep. He glanced over to the side and saw that Mike was still awake. He was just laying there, blinking slowly.
"Ehm… Good night Mike. I need to get some sleep. Wake me up if you need to, okay."
Mike didn't answer him, and if Harvey hadn't been so tired, he would have done something about that. As it now was, his eyes slipped close again and he fell asleep.
He forced his eyes opened. He felt a bit confused as to why he woke up in the first place and why the lights were on. The next moment he remembered about Mike and earlier that day. He carefully turned a bit to the side to be able to look at Mike. He wasn't sure if he was awake or not, he couldn't see all of his face.
"Are you awake?" He whispered and got his answer when Mike jerked a little.
Harvey heard him sigh after a moment. "Yeah. I don't know if I will be able to sleep right now."
"You should try." Harvey said. He closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him again. It took a while though so he laid there and listened to the faith sounds that Mike was making. How he moved a little, turned on his back, and then on his side with his back against Harvey.
About ten minutes had passed when Harvey could hear how Mike started to cry. Right there next to him. Harvey reached out a hand and placed it on Mike's back. He stroked it without saying anything. Mike didn't speak either, just cried silently.
A few minutes later he had calmed down enough to stop crying.
"You okay?" Harvey asked.
"I think so. Thank you." Mike whispered and Harvey found himself smiling a bit. Hopefully it was out of his system for now.
When he woke up the next morning Mike was still asleep. He was laying curled up with his head next to the pillow. Harvey decided to let him sleep.
About an hour later Mike showed up with a sheepish look on his face.
"Hey?" Harvey said. "What is it?"
"Hey. Nothing." Mike sat down in front of him. "Sorry if I freaked out on you yesterday."
"You didn't freak out. You were sad and upset. It's okay if you are. It's okay to feel things Mike."
Mike just looked at him.
"What?"
"I can't believe that you are saying things like that sometimes."
Harvey rolled his eyes. "Well, you need to hear them."
"I guess I do." Mike smiled a little. "Did you make breakfast?" He asked.
Harvey just shook his head.
"No?"
"It's on the counter." Harvey said. Maybe he should stop feeding the kid all the time.
"Are you going to work?" Mike asked, with his back against him.
"Do you want me to stay at home?"
"No, you don't need to. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Can you look at me?"
Mike turned around and they locked eyes. Mike smiled and Harvey believed him. Things were better today.
He went to the office and stayed for a couple of hours while Donna came to stay with Mike, much to the younger man's delight. The two of them really enjoyed each other's company.
Mike seemed subdued though when Harvey got back home. He was just sitting on the couch, looking out the window. Donna was reading a book next to him.
Donna had to leave and go back to the office, and Harvey followed her to the door. He wanted to talk to her without Mike hearing them.
"How was he today?" He asked.
"He was good, maybe a bit subdued. He didn't want to do much else then to sit together on the couch. I have a feeling something is on his mind, but I haven't been able to get anything out of him."
Harvey nodded and then thanked her for coming.
"Mike, do you want to talk?" Harvey asked as he got back to the living room and sat down on the couch next to the kid. Mike still hadn't said more then a hi to him since he got home. He shrugged now.
"Tell me what's on your mind."
"I think you know." Mike said quietly then.
Harvey sighed. He did know. He had thought a lot during the day about what Mike had told him.
"You are thinking about the people who didn't make it." He stated.
"Yeah." Mike said and straightened up a bit. "I am."
"But Mike, you didn't even know these people, why is it effecting you so much? You only met them once."
"It doesn't matter! Once was enough. They were nice people, people with dreams, hope for the future. They had families, people that loved them." Mike got up from the couch as he spoke and started to walk back and forth.
"I know that Mike, of course they were. But still, is that why you are so upset about this?"
Mike stared at him for a couple of seconds, and then breathed out deeply and rubbed his eyes. He slowly sank down on one the chairs.
"It could have been me. I could have been on that wall. I don't get why I am not. How could I have survived this long?"
Harvey watched him a moment.
"Because you fought like hell Mike." He said. "That's why you're still here."
"They fought too."
"I know. And it sucked that they died. I don't have an answer to why they had to die. But I have seen you through all of this. And Mike, you haven't had it easy at all, rather the opposite. You've been through hell. But somehow you are still here. And I for one are only grateful." Harvey paused and licked his lips, still watching Mike. He was staring at the floor.
"I am grateful. I am." He mumbled.
Harvey nodded. "But you think that you deserve to die and they to live?" He asked.
He knew that he took a chance asking that, but he had a feeling that that was the thought consuming Mike's mind right now. Mike hastily looked up at him, confirming it. Harvey felt an urge to just grab his shoulders and shake him, until Mike realized that he was wrong in thinking that.
Mike shrugged a little.
"It's just so unfair."
"I know, Mike."
They were both silent for a while before Mike spoke again.
"I've started thinking that I'm going to survive. I don't think this will kill me anymore. I won't die. You should know that." He looked at Harvey with shiny eyes.
"That's good." Harvey whispered.
"But I feel so guilty, Harvey. I don't know how to get rid of that feeling. I mean it's illogical, but I can't stop thinking about it now. That I shouldn't be here. That I haven't done anything to deserve to be here."
"Mike, stop. Just stop." Harvey had to say.
Mike did stop talking at looked down again.
"I want you to talk to me every time you feel like that, and I will tell you why you deserve to be alive, okay? I will tell you that you are a good person. One of the best men I know."
Mike smiled a little.
"Not the best?"
Harvey rolled his eyes. "That's stretching it a bit."
"Thank you." Mike said. "For everything you do for me."
Harvey smiled and paused a moment. "I think you should keep going to the therapy Mike." He said then.
Mike looked at him for a long time, and Harvey was fairly sure that he was going to refuse when he opened his mouth.
"Okay. I will." Mike said instead.
Harvey looked at him in surprise. He had thought about this ever since Mike had his outburst about not wanting to go back again. Then he had said that Mike wouldn't have to, and of course he wouldn't force him. But he really thought that it would be beneficial for Mike to keep going to therapy.
"Good boy." Harvey said now and stood up and went to squeeze Mike's shoulder. "You want to talk some more, or do you want to watch a movie?"
"Both maybe?" Mike suggested.
"Sure."
They sat down on the couch next to each other and Harvey put on the next movie on their list.
Mike yawned.
"Do think we watch too many movies?" He asked.
Harvey laughed.
-SUITS-
Mike was to start another round of treatment. He had been back to therapy two more times, and each time it felt a bit easier. He still felt guilty and sometimes incredibly sad as he laid his eyes on the remembrance wall, as the others called it. One session they had talked a little about guilt, or survivors' guilt. Like they all had been in some sort of terrible accident, that was how Annika spoke about it. But in a way they all had. Being deadly ill was traumatic. Everyone is dealing with it in their own way.
Every time he went to therapy, he enjoyed it a little bit more and felt like he got more out of it. He had gotten pretty close to one of the older men, the one named Tobias. They had done a group exercise together, just the two of them. Mike found that the liked Tobias a lot, and the man seemed to want to take him under his wings. Mike felt touched by that. Tobias had also confessed that he often felt alone, and Mike had given him his phone number. They texted once or twice a day now.
The treatment made him miss a few sessions, but when he went back again, they were happy to see them. That meant a lot to him, more than he ever would admit.
Treatment went as usual. It was boring and made him feel like crap afterwards. He spent a lot of boring days in bed or on the couch, mostly sleeping. Harvey, Adam, Donna and sometimes Rachel or Louis kept him company. Mike had tried to argue that he could stay by himself, but Harvey just ignored him, and someone was always there.
"You still have heart cancer, if you had forgotten that." Harvey said. "If I left you alone for a day, that would be the day you would have complications. So, no you are not staying here alone for the entire day."
Mike didn't bother with arguing. He enjoyed the company he got. Playing games or doing a puzzle with Donna, watching tv shows with Rachel or having Louis read to him. The Louis thing was a bit awkward at times, but he knew the man just wanted to help. And Louis just ignored him when Mike told him that he could read by himself now.
Harvey was always there when Mike needed him during the evenings. Sometimes also when he didn't need him. Harvey would come up to him and ask how he was doing, if he was in pain, if he felt sick and sometimes if he needed anything. Mike felt happy with the knowledge that he mostly could answer no to the questions. He wasn't that much in pain anymore, and he only felt sick right after treatment. Sure, some days were worse than others, but he lately he had been noticing an improvement. He had more energy than before. He stayed awake more during the day, once or twice he even went an entire day with having to take a nap. Although, his company often encouraged his naps.
"You look tired Mike. Why don't you go and lay down?" They would say, and Mike often did that then. He felt like he wanted to do what they asked of him. Especially with Harvey. Lately he had been starting to feel a deep sense of gratitude towards Harvey, that he hadn't felt before. Sure, he had always been grateful, but now he just noticed it more. He could see in a different way everything that Harvey was doing for him, and everything he had done. Everything that he had put Harvey through, and Harvey had always been there anyway. He had never pushed Mike away, even though Mike knew that he had been rude or annoying at times.
There had been times when Mike had wanted the older man by his side at all times, and Harvey had complied without a word. He had been sitting next to Mike's bed, sometimes holding his hand, like it was the most normal thing. Harvey was a good person and Mike didn't know how he would ever be able to repay everything that Harvey had done for him.
Some memories were hard to think about. Like the times when he had been so emotionally destroyed that he had broken down and cried. He remembered times when he had sobbed against Harvey's chest, he had apologized and begged. He hadn't been able to control his emotions at all. That hurt to think about. He also knew that it might happen again at any time. It had. Some days he felt like he was close to that edge again. Some days were just awful. It could shift so sudden that it was hard to keep up with his emotions. He just felt like shit sometimes.
But Harvey was there then.
Harvey had told him that it was okay if he felt like crap, it was okay if he was upset. Harvey told him that he was doing the best he could, and that was all that Harvey wanted from him. Sometimes it was okay to fall.
Mike tried to listen to all the advice people gave him. He tried to reflect more. It felt like he was capable of doing that now. It was like a part of his brain that had been locked had opened up again. He was able to think in another way than before. His thoughts had shifted in a new direction. His thoughts weren't as dark as they had been. He could allow himself to think about other things than survival. If he was going to die from the cancer, if his heart would stop, fear side effects, dread the next treatment, thoughts of being alone, or being a bother. Sure, it was all still there, but now with less intensity. The fears didn't overwhelm him as much as they once had done. They didn't cause him to lose control.
Maybe this was what getting better was supposed to feel like. He felt a little bit more like he had been before the cancer. A little bit like his normal self was slowly coming back. He didn't think that he ever would be the same, this had been lifechanging, but he was fairly sure that he could be an even better version of himself. He longed for that.
Sometimes he daydreamed about what it would be like to get back to work. Work on cases with Harvey, dealing with clients or going to court. He was starting to miss it. At the same time, the thought of going back to work scared him and he didn't know why. He hadn't spoken to Harvey about that. He knew that he was a long way from Harvey allowing him to go back to work, and in a way that felt good. He didn't want to feel that way, but he did.
He thought about a time when he would be able to finish his treatment. He slowly had started to realize that it one day would be a reality, if not something bad happened again and he got worse. It could happen. He forced himself to think about that possibility too. There weren't any guaranties. But still, sometimes he thought about being declared cancer free. Maybe in a few months. Or in a year.
He brought it up with Harvey one night, but he was disappointed.
"You know that you are a long way from that Mike. You can barely get out of bed by yourself." Harvey had said.
Mike had gotten an impulse to yell at the older man then. Just because Harvey had dragged him upright that morning, but if Harvey hadn't been there, he would have gotten up by himself. He kept quiet though.
Harvey sometimes did things for him that he didn't need him to do. He would get up from where he was sitting by his laptop, when he saw that Mike fumbled with pouring the hot water into his tea mug. He barely had any strength in his arms, so he had to hold the boiler with two hands. But then Harvey would come over and take it from his hands and do it for him. He would tell Mike to go and sit down and then bring the cup over to him.
Or Harvey would sit beside him on his bed and hand him his meds, and then the glass of water. He would wait until Mike had taken all of them, like he didn't trust that Mike could do it himself.
Mike had also noticed that every time he took a shower, Harvey kept close by. He wanted Mike to have to door opened, and he had complied with that request. Harvey said that he wanted to hear it if Mike called for him, or he fell over in the shower. But Mike had seen him walking past the doorway more than once.
Harvey was very overprotecting, he realized. But he figured that it wasn't that strange. Mike had needed a lot of protection. It was just that sometimes he felt like he didn't need as much of it now.
-SUITS-
Harvey yawned as he walked towards Mike's room. For some reason he had overslept, and Mike should have taken his morning dose of meds like an hour ago. It was still Harvey's job to make sure that he took it on time. Maybe he should try to get Mike to do it himself soon, but the kid would probably mess it up.
Mike's door was closed and when he went to open it he noticed that the baby monitor was standing right in front of the door, turned off. Harvey frowned and picked it up. He had no idea why he had put it there, because he knew that it hadn't been Mike.
He opened the door and stepped inside. Mike was laying on his back with his eyes closed.
"Mike?" Harvey said and put down the baby monitor. Mike didn't react, so Harvey said his name again. He was laying still. Actually, he was too still. His chest didn't move.
Harvey felt himself go stiff. He felt cold and nauseated at once. He shook Mike's shoulder and said his name louder. Mike's head lolled back and forth but his eyes didn't open. Harvey's hand was shaking as he brought it up to Mike's throat and pushed down to feel for a pulse. There was none.
"No!" He yelled. He pulled Mike towards him and got him onto the floor. The cover somehow followed and ended up over Mike's face, and Harvey ripped it away.
He yelled Mike's name as he started to do CPR. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening. He felt tears stream down his face. Mike couldn't be dead. This couldn't be the way things ended. Not after everything they had been through.
Mike's face was turning blue and nothing was happening. His heart wouldn't start beating. Harvey needed to call for help. He found Mike's phone and tried to dial with one hand as he kept doing compressions with the other. Neither thing worked, and Harvey had to make a decision. He chose Mike.
He didn't know for how long he kept doing compressions. He forced Mike's ribcage further down for each push. He could feel the bones underneath his hands break. He even thought that he could hear the sound of them breaking. He cried. He screamed at Mike. He prayed for help.
Then Mike started coughing. He was alive! Harvey sat him up and Mike didn't stop coughing. The kid tried to say something, and as Harvey watched him something dark started to trickle out of Mike's mouth and down his cheek and dropped on his white T-shirt. Harvey understood that it was blood. He used his hand to wipe it away and Mike looked at him with wide eyes.
"What happened?" He asked. "What happened?"
"Your heart stopped." Harvey said.
"In my sleep?" Mike's eyes had filled with tears.
Harvey nodded, and tried to lay his arm around Mike, but the younger man pushed him away.
"Where were you? I could have died! I did die, in my sleep!"
"I'm so sorry Mike." Harvey said. "I'm sorry."
"How am I going to be able to sleep from now on?" Mike asked him as the first tears started to leak out of his eyes.
"We'll fix it." Harvey said. "I'm calling for help."
"I called for help too." Mike said. "But you didn't come. You let me die."
"No, Mike. You didn't die."
"Yes, I did."
Harvey blinked and when he opened his eyes again, Mike was laying on the floor again. His eyes were closed. His face had taken on a blue shade. His chest wasn't moving.
Harvey woke up then.
He immediately sat up and drew in sharp breaths. His heart was pounding widely in his chest. Shit. That had been awful. It had felt so real. It was something that could be a reality. He needed to go and check on Mike.
It was dark in Mike's room, and that worried Harvey. Mike didn't like the dark and Harvey went and quickly turned on a light by the desk. Harvey's heart was still beating hard in his chest as he turned to Mike. Was he breathing? He wasn't sure that he could see any movement. Shit!
He rushed over and leaned over the younger man. His hand was shaking as he reached over and felt along Mike's neck. Mike's warm neck. He had a pulse, and he was breathing. A strong sense of relief rushed through him as he stood there still with his fingers lightly touching Mike's neck.
Suddenly Mike's head moved a little and he opened his eyes. Mike startled and pushed Harvey's hand away from him. He blinked rapidly and heaved himself a bit higher up on the bed to create some distance between them. Harvey took a step back.
"What's going on?" Mike asked. "What are you doing?"
When Harvey didn't answer straight away he looked around the room and yawned.
"Is it morning?" He asked.
"No, it's not. It's nothing. Go back to sleep." Harvey told him.
Mike ignored him. "Why are you in my room?"
"Well, this happens to be my office as well." Harvey didn't feel like telling Mike about the real reason he was in the kid's room.
Mike rolled his eyes, and Harvey could agree that his response had been lame.
"Harvey, seriously. What is it? Did I talk in my sleep?"
Harvey sighed and sat down in the chair.
"No, you didn't."
Mike watched him, but he laid down again, turned towards Harvey. For a while neither of them spoke.
"I… dreamt about that you… that you didn't feel well." Harvey then said.
"Oh."
"Yeah. I had to come and make sure you were alright."
Mike nodded slowly. "I am. I'm fine." He said quietly.
Harvey didn't answer him, but he nodded. He probably should head back to his own bed now, but for some reason he remained where he was. Then Mike suddenly stretched out a hand towards him. Harvey took it in his and Mike squeezed his hand a little before letting go. He didn't say anything else, but he smiled, then he closed his eyes. A couple of minutes later he was asleep again, Harvey could tell by the sound of his breathing. He had listened to it so many times before.
He thought of getting up from the chair and go back to his bed, but he didn't. He stayed in the chair and he kept watching hos Mike's chest rose and fell. He didn't know how long he sat there, but it might have been hours.
It was just that the dream had felt so real. He had a hard time letting it go. He wished that it would fade away from his mind just like dreams did, but this one lingered. It could have been real. It had been a situation that could have happened or could happen. That was the reason as to why he found it so hard to leave Mike's side. What if the dream had been some kind of sign? He needed to keep a closer eye on Mike, just in case.
Harvey woke up before Mike the next morning. Luckily, he didn't have any more nightmares, still, the first thing he did was to go and check on the kid. He was sleeping though, and Harvey went out into the kitchen. For once he decided to make himself a cup of coffee. He felt like that was what he needed right now. He still felt a bit shaken up.
He was sitting at the kitchen island with the cup between his hand, looking out the window when Mike came out of his room.
"Is that coffee?" He asked without saying good morning.
"Yeah. You are not getting any." Harvey said with a smirk.
Mike made a face at him and yawned, but he didn't complain, a little to Harvey's surprise. He studied the younger man. He looked tired and pale. He had some color to his cheeks though. Did he have a fever? Harvey reached out a hand and felt his forehead.
"What are you doing?" Mike leaned away from him. "Harvey, I'm fine!"
"You don't look fine." Harvey muttered.
"Well, I am." Mike reached after the butter, still looking at him.
"Are you okay, Harvey?" Mike quietly asked after a few minutes of silence. "You look a bit tired."
"What? I'm good."
"Are you sure?"
Harvey didn't answer, but he felt Mike's eyes on him.
"I know that you watched me sleep, I woke up again while you were still there. Do you want to tell me about that?"
"Mike…"
"You know, you keep telling me to talk to you if there is something. I just think it should be the other way around as well."
Apparently Mike wasn't going to let this go. He hadn't noticed that Mike had woken up while he was still in the chair. It wasn't like he could deny being there now, he couldn't act like nothing. And he guessed that Mike did have a point, but he didn't feel like telling Mike about the dream. He was just about to tell him that when there was a knock on the door. Both of them jerked a little.
"It's Adam." Harvey said and hurried to go and open, even though Adam mostly let himself inside. He knew that Mike knew that.
"Good morning." The nurse said and smiled at him when Harvey opened the door for him.
"Hey man!" The nurse patted Mike's back and went to sit down next to him.
"Hey!" Mike said.
"Status rapport?" The nurse asked, like he always did when he arrived, and Mike started telling him that he felt fine. Harvey left to go and change. But when he reached for his suit he yet again thought about the dream. He changed his mind and fished out his phone from his pocket. He called Donna. He didn't care about the fact that Adam was here, he decided to stay at home for the day. He could work from home.
Mike asked him about it though when he opened his laptop that was on the dinner table.
"I don't have any meetings today." Harvey just told him. What he didn't tell Mike was that Donna had canceled them for him. He just needed to stay at home today, he needed to keep an eye on Mike.
Harvey noticed that Mike gave him a few looks during the day, but the younger man didn't say anything. At least not until it was just the two of them again, sitting on the couch together, Harvey still on his laptop and Mike with his iPad.
"So, are you going to tell me what's going on with you?" Mike suddenly asked, without making eye contact.
"Nothing is going on with me. What's going on with you?"
"Right now, nothing. I'm doing okay. But you are deflecting. Something is going on; I've seen the way you look at me. And you stayed at home, even though Adam was here. You're acting weird."
Harvey thought about keeping up their little argument, but then he sighed and closed the lid to the laptop and looked at Mike.
"Okay." He said. "I told you that I had a nightmare right. You remember that?"
"Yes…"
"Well, I dreamt that you died. I found you in your bed and your heart had stopped. I preformed CPR on you and felt your ribs breaking. But then you came back, bleeding from your mouth and you accused me of letting you die."
Harvey swallowed hard. Mike hadn't said a word during his recount of his dream.
"Oh." He said now.
"Yeah, so I had to make sure that you stayed alive." Harvey said and looked away. For some reason he felt angry. He didn't want to explain his actions to Mike.
"Thank you, Harvey." Mike said then. His tone was gentle and low.
"Yeah." Harvey grunted and stared in front of him.
"I don't know what to say." Mike said.
"Well… You're not the only one with nightmares around here."
"I guess not."
They were both quiet for some time.
"At least nightmares are better than the real deal." Mike said then.
Harvey couldn't help but letting out a laugh. Then he put his laptop away and ripped the iPad from Mike's hands. They watched a movie after that, one that Harvey choose.
-SUITS-