The car ride back to the flat was silent.
Danny had phoned Clara to inform her that he would barge into the grocers and drag her out if she didn't finish picking up the few items on her list. He'd obviously been joking. It was his way of saying, "for the love of God, hurry up. I've been sitting in the car park waiting." Clara had meant to just quickly run in and grab a few things to bring to their friend's engagement party. But unfortunately, what was meant to be a quick pop by the grocers took quite a different turn.
The couple was now on their way home. Both Danny and Clara were emotionally drained and decided to bail on the party, blaming it on a family emergency. They weren't very close with the couple, and neither really wanted to go in the first place.
Clara kept replaying the unusual turn of the day's events in her head. She didn't know what to make of thought that she resembled Dr Smith's wife so much so that his son truly believed she was his mum. Even having been told his whole life the truth that River had died. Paul still created it in his mind that she'd simply forgotten him.
Stranger still, it was almost like John himself got confused as well. She initially thought when he first kissed her that he'd simply gotten caught up in the emotion of the moment. But then he was kissing her like she was some long-lost love, aka his deceased wife, River. She didn't know how, but she could feel the love and longing that poured out of him through the kiss. Almost like he was willing his wife to come back to him….like a fairytale.
But what really niggled at her mind was when she looked into Paul's beautiful blue eyes as she told him the reality, she had the strangest thought. 'His eyes look just like they did the day he was born.' Where had that come from? And also, two hearts? What was that about?
The pregnant teacher chalked it up to hormones mixed with a very emotional and tense situation. She was grateful that Danny stayed calm enough to let the events unfold and saw just how broken the little boy was and how innocent his father was.
Well, innocent to an extent.
"I mean, I get he kissed you because he was "distraught", but…he didn't have to kiss you like that!" grumbled Danny as they settled into his car. Clara just rolled her eyes and told him to let it go as they fell into a comfortable silence. Both lost in thought.
…
After the emotional turmoil of the weekend, the Doctor decided that he needed to spend more time with his son. Since Paul had a few days off school, he thought he'd do something special. The time-travelling alien had been neglecting the Old Girl long enough, and it was about time he took Paul somewhere fun.
The idea of taking the little boy through time and space made him nervous, though. (Yes, that's right. Even the Doctor knew that they'd inevitably end up somewhere they shouldn't). So he decided to stay within their actual time and on Earth. He figured that taking the TARDIS to Disney World wouldn't hurt. They also wouldn't even have to pay for airfare or a place to stay. Besides, Paul was no stranger to the TARDIS. He spent hours playing within her walls as it sat parked in their attic through the years.
The boy scrambled up to the small and dusty attic space as fast as he could when his father told him the plan.
"I can't believe it! We're going on an adventure! A real adventure! With Sexy too!" shouted Paul as he ran round and round the console while the Doctor double and triple checked the coordinates. The Doctor winced hearing the boy repeat the term of endearment he used for the ship. He never thought anything of it, but now, hearing the word" sexy" coming out of his 6-year-old son's mouth made him regret calling the TARDIS that…well, at least in front of Paul anyways.
When the TARDIS landed, the Doctor ensured all was well before letting Paul out the doors. Since it was well into Autumn, the weather in the southern American state was actually reasonably agreeable. Paul was bouncing up and down as the Doctor held his hand and guided him to the park entrance. He flashed his psychic paper and effortlessly gained access. The park was crowded, and the queues were long, but Paul didn't seem to mind. He was simply in awe of the place. As if seeing the lights, costumes, and other fantastical things was enough.
The first thing the father and son duo did was ride on the carousel. After waiting for a few minutes, Paul made quick work of his feet to ensure he got the "best horse."
"Daddy! This one! I want to ride this one!"
Paul pointed at a white horse with a bright blue saddle that matched the TARDIS. The Doctor smiled as he lifted his son onto the faux pony and buckled him. Paul wanted his father to sit on the one next to him, but the gangly Time Lord was not about to make an attempt to mount the horse that was much too small for his own frame.
"Paul, I think it would be better if I just stood next to you. That way, more children can have a ride."
Paul simply shrugged then tightly gripped the reigns as the carousel began to move.
The Doctor couldn't help but smile, seeing how Paul's face lit up. The boy kept exclaiming, "This is so fun! I...I like this! I really like this!" as he giggled.
After the carousel, they made their way to the spinning teacups. Once again, Paul giggled uncontrollably, but instead of the Doctor watching him with a smile, he had his eyes closed, trying to do his best not to vomit. Even though he travelled through the time vortex for hundreds of years with no issue, it seemed that a simple children's ride did him in. The Doctor was relieved when the ride was over but then had to put on a fake smile when Paul kept saying, "again! Again!"
Turns out three times on the teacups was what finally did the old Time Lord in. The Doctor managed to keep his lunch but had to sit on a bench for a good 15 minutes. All the while, Paul was pulling on his arm, saying he wanted to find the "funny dog man". The Doctor could only assume the boy was talking about the character Goofy.
By the end of the day, the Doctor had to carry Paul all the way back to the TARDIS. They'd spent their time from open to close, running from ride to ride, only stopping for the loo and a quick bite of overpriced and overly processed food.
When it was time to leave, it was as if Paul had suddenly been bewitched and turned into a rag doll. The little Time Lord was still running and jumping only seconds before the Doctor told him they had to walk back to the TARDIS. Now that it was time to leave, he was whinging that he was "too tired to walk," as his body went limp. The Doctor just shook his head with a laugh and scooped him into his arms.
Inside the TARDIS, the Doctor placed Paul in the small bed of his very own room. He'd "fallen asleep" on the trek back while the Time Lord's arms were losing all feeling. The Doctor tucked the boy into bed as he placed a kiss on his forehead.
"Goodnight, Paul." He said softly. He went to stand, but the boy immediately spoke.
"Can you sleep in here with me?"
The Doctor smiled. He brushed the windblown curls from his forehead then laid down next to him.
"I hope you had a good day." He said as he pulled Paul into a hug. Paul turned over to face his father.
"I did." He smiled. "Today is my favourite day!"
"Well, of course, it is." Laughed the Doctor. "What kid wouldn't think going to Disney World is their favourite day?"
"That's not why it's my favourite, daddy."
"Oh? Why was it your favourite then?"
The boy nestled his face into the Doctor's chest as he closed his eyes then said with a yawn, "it's because I got to spend the whole day with you. When I'm with you...I'm happy."
Paul then gave a long exhale of breath, indicating he'd promptly fallen asleep. The Doctor placed a kiss into his hair as his eyes welled up with tears. Tears of joy, knowing that his son was simply happy to be with his father. But also, tears of sadness knowing that he'd clearly not been spending enough time with his son and that instead of going to Disney World, Paul would have been just as happy to stay at home. As long as he was with his daddy.
Paul and the Doctor spent the rest of their holiday in the TARDIS, safely parked in the attic. They spent hours swimming in the pool, watching movies, and playing board games. The TARDIS even fabricated a room that was an entire bouncy castle. But, Paul's favourite thing to do was play 'hide n' seek'. The TARDIS made sure that Paul didn't wander too far or come into any danger. And if the Doctor needed to, he could run a quick scan to see exactly where the boy was.
The Doctor began to dread when it was his turn to hide because Paul was apparently blind. It got to the point where the boy was so terrible at finding him (mind you, the Doctor always picked the most obvious spots), he ended up just standing right behind the child to make it easier. He then felt foolish because it was clear that Paul knew exactly where his father was hiding. He was just trying to prolong the "fun".
On the last night of their holiday, Paul teased his father for being terrible at hiding and how he was so much better at it than him and that he had to pretend not to find him. The Doctor could only laugh at the boy's silliness.
Paul was now fast asleep while the Doctor slipped out of the small bed and made his way to the console room. He'd tried avoiding looking into the mystery of Clara Oswald while he was with Paul but couldn't help doing a bit of investigating while the little boy slept.
The Doctor was scratching his head as he flipped through the 3 files of the 3 different versions of Clara. There was no indication that the women were distant relatives. They really were the same person! Different, but the same.
"Impossible."
Yes, he'd been motivated to find Clara because of his love for her, but now it was becoming an obsession. Like a puzzle, he was determined to solve, whether he'd had a relationship with her before or not. He really was genuinely curious as to what was going on. Coming up with no answers, the Doctor again turned off the screen and made his way back to Paul's room.
He laid on his back and rested his head in his hands behind his head. It had hurt, worse than he'd care to admit seeing Clara with another man. Of course, she wasn't his Clara, but the thought of another man getting to love her and hold her and have a child with her made his hearts ache. It was like seeing what could have been. Clara would have loved Disney World. And she would have absolutely loved seeing her son's face light up trying all the new things. It tore at him at the thought she never got to be the mother that she'd dreamed of being. But, he could find peace in knowing that the Clara he knew now was going to have the chance.
…
Clara looked out the window as she sat in the comfy reclining chair that had taken the place of her bed. She watched as the rain blew against the window. Her eyes fixated on a single raindrop as it rolled down in a race to get to the end, much like she did as a young girl on long car rides during a storm. She was too sore to sleep lying on her back, so she had Danny help bring her fluffiest winter blanket out from storage to use during the ever-increasing cold nights. She heard the jingling of keys and the opening of a door. Followed by the sound of Danny stumbling in the dark. Not even bothering to turn on a light.
"Did you have fun?" Clara asked flatly, not taking her eyes off the window.
She heard Danny scoff then retreat to the bedroom where he undoubtedly would pass out. This was the third night in a row since Clara had come home from being in the hospital that Danny stayed out drinking all night rather than help her. Or simply just be with her. She reached for the wheelchair near the recliner and tried pulling her body into the seat.
She'd hadn't mastered the ability quite yet. And even if she knew how to correctly manoeuvre without the use over her lower body, she didn't have the strength to pull herself into the chair. That meant she had to stay exactly where she was all day and all night until Danny came home. She couldn't even get a glass of water if she wanted. He'd leave in the morning, making sure she had been suitably bathed and changed. As well as leaving food and water near her. Like a house pet.
He'd begin the day by apologising profusely for not taking care of her properly. Then, as the day would tick by, the arguments would start. Stemming from the immense guilt they both carried. Clara felt that it was her fault for not warning him the light was red. And Danny thought that it was his fault because he was the one who ran the light. Both hadn't been paying attention, still thinking about what happened moments before at the grocers.
Instead of hearing the familiar snore, alerting Clara that he was asleep, she heard him emerge from the bedroom with a bag slung on his shoulder.
"Where are you going?" Clara asked softly. She knew that this was coming. The moment he'd finally decide to bury the life that was lost and everything that reminded him of it. Clara had been just under 12 weeks pregnant when their car got t-boned while Danny ran the red light. The car crashed right into the passenger side. Danny walked away with a nasty bit of whiplash while Clara never walked away at all.
In fact, as each day passed, while she lay in the bed, the doctors informed her the likelihood of her ever walking again was near impossible. In fact, the possibility of feeling anything below her waist was unlikely.
Not only did she lose the baby, they told her that she would never be able to have any more children. Danny slowly crumbled under the weight of his guilt. Not only was he responsible for the death of their child, but he was responsible for the loss of Clara's life as well, or at least life as she knew it. And now, he was taking on even more guilt as being responsible for the loss of their relationship.
"I asked, where are you going?" Clara repeated.
"I'm going to stay with Adrian for a bit."
"Oh."
"Clara…I…"
"I know. You say it all the time. 'I'm sorry.'
"Well, I am!" He snapped. He's not sure why he's angry at her. She didn't do anything wrong. But just being near her is a constant reminder.
"Clara, when I'm with you, it's...it's too painful."
He speaks in a softer tone as the tears begin to flow. "Every time I see your face, it reminds me of what I've done. What I've lost. I'm sorry."
She can hear his voice breaking, but she's too numb to comfort him. To tell him it's okay. Because she already has. Over and over and over again. Begging for him to just forgive himself. Not that she has even forgiven him. Because she's never needed to. Because she knows if she'd been the one driving, she would have just as easily missed the light too.
As he walks out the door, the words come out of her heart and through her mouth as the door begins to close.
"Come back to me," she whispers. The door shuts.
And Clara is left with the strangest feeling that she wasn't talking to the man who had just left. The man who left her alone, helpless and in grief.
Clara has the feeling she was talking to the precious life that had been taken from her much too soon.