Begin Chapter Eight

"Jude… This isn't a dream. Jude, I have to leave again, I need to better myself, and I can't with everything that I'm trying to hold on to. Just let me go." I now knew this was a dream, those were Tommy's last words to me.

Flashback

It was a rainy day in late April. It was just about sunset, and that's why Tommy and I were out there. We were waiting for the sunset. Then I turned towards Tommy, and he turns towards me, and I can see the pain and the sadness in his eyes.

"Tommy… What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Jude, this was a dream, you and me, and I woke up today. I have to leave. I need to better myself, and I can't with everything that I'm trying to hold on to. Please, just let me go." I felt the tears in my eyes. I wouldn't let them fall. I couldn't let him see that. I needed to just let him go. But I couldn't… I think I love him… "Jude? Are you ok?"

"Tommy… Just go. This is the only chance you'll get."

"Jude-"

"GO!" I screamed, the tears threatening to fall. And then he left…

"Jude, I love you!" I wish he had said.

"I love you, Tommy." And the worst part was, I think he heard me. And then the tears fell.

End Flashback

"Go Tommy. I won't hold you back any longer."

"Jude, I-"

"JUST GO!" I screamed, and then shot up, back in my own room, and I felt the tears on my face, and I realized something.

I still loved him.

"I can't…" I whisper to myself. "I can't…" But I did. So much like I had before. I got up, and grabbed my guitar. It was the guitar I found on my porch, the day after I last saw Tommy. With a note. It said, 'Jude, this is for you to always remember me. I love you. Tommy.' I shredded the note after I read it. I played the tune I heard I my dream. The real painful one, that I now had words for.

I keep my heart locked away,

So I don't feel my pain.

I've always feared rejection,

So I've always ran in the opposite direction.

Scared to face you,

It was me you could see through.

You saw through my walls,

But then you just sat back and watched me fall,

Never trying to help at all…

Waiting for you to say,

What's always on my mind,

Waiting for the world to see,

But the world's blind…

I've withheld my emotions,

But now I'm drowning in the ocean,

And no one can save me,

From my utter devotion…

I keep telling you lies,

Waiting for you to see through my disguise,

Keep trying to guess,

I bet one day I'll confess,

Then you'll know the truth,

I thought my heart was pain proof,

But you proved me wrong,

And now I'll have this pain for forever long…

Fighting to stop these feelings,

But I can't for they're like lightning,

Shocking to the touch,

Sometimes they're way too much,

To handle for one person,

Saving the best for last,

Watching as I pass that line too fast,

Trying to leave you in the past…

Staring you in the eye,

The realization could make me cry,

Feel like I'm moving in slow-motion,

Feeling the world pass us by,

Not letting my gaze leave your eyes,

For if I look away I think I could die…

Never gonna look again,

I see now that this was a trap,

I got caught and I can't escape,

Watching you transform into a new shape,

Turning into the real you I never saw before,

A monster before my eyes,

I wish I never believed you,

And you're convincing lies…

I knew it was way too long, but I couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth, or my fingers to stop playing the music. I'll talk to James about it later. James Byron. My newest producer. I have had so many producers that it's not funny. None of those old producers ever understood my way of thinking. The only one close enough to what music Tommy and I could've made was James. He was pretty cool. If you liked the briefcase kind of guy. But… I went and wrote down all that I had sung, and played. Then I jumped into the shower. Then I got out, and dressed in my depressed woman clothing. Black faded jeans, a black long sleeve shirt, and The Clash t-shirt. I put my guitar in its gig case, and grabbed my house keys and put them in the bag's side pocket. I then slung the bag across my back, and pulled my black hair into a ponytail. I never wear ponytails unless I'm like depressed, or thinking about Tommy, which both go hand in hand. So I walked down to G-major, just basking in the sun. When I got there, there was an eerie feeling about the place. I walked in cautiously. No one was there. Oh! Dur! It's a Sunday. Well, there should be one or two producers and mixers here… Weird. Well, I walk into my studio, and notice that the light is on for record. That's when I notice that there was someone recording. I hit the intercom button, to hear the music. What I heard wasn't what I expected…

End Chapter Eight