:sighs unhappily: I really do need to stop writing fanfiction. Oh well, the idea of completely parodying fanfiction clichés in too tempting. If there's anyone reading this can someone suggest a cliché for me to do.
I am Your Father
Harry smiled. The final battle against Voldemort was almost won. All that was left to do was to kill Voldemort, and then it would be over! At long last! And he currently had Voldemort at wand point, staring up at him in disbelief, shocked over the fact he, a wizard in his seventies, had been bested by a teenager.
"Any last words?" Harry asked, feeling particularly generous. Voldemort stared at from Harry's wand to Harry himself, and back again, before opening his mouth.
"Yes Harry," Voldemort said, pausing dramatically. "I am your father."
Silence reigned over the battlefield, and several people blinked in shock before outrage raged across the field.
"That is not true!" shouted Severus Snape. "I'm Potter's father!"
"No you're not!" Lucius Malfoy yelled. "I am!"
"No, it's me!" bellowed Draco Malfoy.
"You're all wrong! I AM HARRY POTTER'S FATHER!" screamed Mad-Eye Moody.
And so began one of the biggest debates the wizarding world had ever seen, with Lord Voldemort, Severus Snape, Lucius and Draco Malfoy, Mad-Eye Moody, Mundungus Fletcher, Sturgis Podmore, Cornelius Fudge and Bellatrix Lestrange all claiming to be Harry's father.
Harry sighed. He'd been afraid something like this would happen. And so he decided it was time to fall on his original plan from when he had been ten years old and had abandoned when he read his Hogwarts letter: time to find a nice circus to join. He was positive he could pass off his magic as something a freak show would be interested in.