An absolutely mammoth chapter. I believe I shall call it Fred.

WaffleOfMusic the best beta ever! Check her out. She writes good stuff.

The woman on the steps looked like she wouldn't take nonsense from anybody. Her black hair was pulled into a tight bun at the base of her neck, and her nose jutted out sharply from the rest of her face. As she pursed her thin lips and looked sternly at the bedraggled group of first years, many people lowered their eyes or attempted to hide behind their friends.

Lily stared at the woman defiantly, meeting her imposing gaze. The woman's lips twitched slightly, and her eyes lost their steel for a second and twinkled at the small girl standing below her. Then, she began to address the first years.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Professor Minerva McGonagall, your Transfiguration teacher. The sorting will begin shortly. Please, follow me."

With an elegant flick of the professor's wand, the huge wooden doors at her back opened. Beckoning to the crowd of students on the stone steps below her, she walked regally through the door.

After a few confusing twists and turns, the anxious group of first years found themselves in a small, empty classroom. Professor McGonagall, after informing them they were to stay there until she came to get them, had left.

"Psst, James, hey, James!" Sirius poked James roughly with his wand.

"Ow! What the hell, Sirius?"

"Look at that, up there."

James followed Sirius's gaze. Above them, dangling from the center of the room's pointed ceiling, was a rather impressive chandelier.

"Wow, Sirius. A chandelier! Never seen one of those before."

"Hah. No, seriously. Take a look at that chain holding it up."

"And that, Sirius is a chain. A ch -" Suddenly, it dawned on James. "A rather weak chain, by the looks of it."

Sirius grinned mischievously, his dark eyes glinting. "A very weak chain. It wouldn't take much to make it fall."

James looked furtively around. The clump of first years had separated slightly. Those that knew each other stuck closely together, while the people that didn't know anybody stood rather awkwardly at the edges of the room.

"No one's looking-"

"Honestly, you prats!"

James and Sirius turned. A girl was standing behind them. Her brilliant green eyes were narrowed in fury, and her dark red hair touched the tips of her small arms, crossed over her chest.

"Whu-"

"First off you could seriously injure somebody even if you did know the spells to bring the chandelier down. If you so much as attempt it I'm telling the Professor." The girl swished her hair irritably and glared at the two dumbfounded boys in front of her.

Sirius was the first to recover. "Sirius Black at your service, madam." He bowed low, looking up at the girl mockingly.

"James Potter." James grabbed one of her hands and dramatically bent to kiss it. To his surprise, the girl screeched, jerked her hand out of his, and slapped him soundly across the face.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Oh, hush, you big baby. And don't you ever try something like that again. Either of you," she said, planting her hands on her hips and giving the boys each one last glare. With another flick of her hair, she stomped off.

James looked rather alarmed. "Bloody hell, are they all like that?"

"Only the smart ones," Sirius said sagely.

Lily, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling dangerously, stomped determinedly towards a corner. Idiots. Completely irresponsible idiots. And arrogant too, what with all the bowing and hand-kissing. It had been a rather embarrassing encounter.

"Hey, could I have a word with you?" Lily turned. A thin, wispy girl with gold hair and dark blue eyes was smiling at her.

"Yeah, sure," she said crossly, still rather worked up.

"That was absolutely hilarious back there, I've never seen somebody give James that much cheek. I think you caught him rather off guard." The girl smiled cheerfully, blue eyes sparkling, waiting for Lily's response.

"So, you know him, then?"

"A bit. His parents and mine are both aurors, though mine aren't as high up on the totem pole as the Potters." She laughed. "They're the ministry's two top aurors, and actually both of them are really decent people. It beats me how they managed James."

"Aurors? Ministry?"

"You're muggleborn, aren't you?"

"Muggle?"

"It's a term we use for non-magical people."

"Yes, I am muggleborn then, is that bad?" Lily twirled a strand of hair around her finger anxiously.

"No, no, of course not! It's just a little rare, that's all. There are some that might hold your blood against you, but they're probably Slytherins, and not worth minding."

"Slytherin?"

The girl sighed, theatrically pressing her palms to her forehead. "I can we have a long way to go." Her eyes glinted mischievously.

Lily laughed, her angry mood long since vanished. "I'm Lily Evans. It's great to meet you."

"Dorcas Meadows," the girl said cheerfully, shaking Lily's offered hand. "It's great to meet you too."

At that moment, the doors opened. Professor McGonagall had returned. "Come with me. The Sorting is about to begin."

The line of first years chattered nervously as they approached the Great Hall. Nobody knew what the sorting was, exactly. The few that did wouldn't divulge any information whatsoever.

James and Sirius, as usual, let their imaginations run wild.

"Maybe it's an obstacle course or something!"

"Yeah, with, like, dragons!"

"Dragons and trolls!"

"Maybe we have to duel with other students," Sirius said, eyeing his cousin Bellatrix Black hopefully.

"Nah, there's got to be something in the school rules against that," James said regretfully, following Sirius's gaze.

"Look, what's that, on that stool?"

"It's a hat. A really ratty old hat."

"Maybe it has powers."

"Maybe we've got to stop it from eating us or something!"

"Yeah….bloody rules, though."

"Damn."

From the staff table, a familiar man rose. He clinked a spoon against a glass and the whole hall suddenly fell silent. Blue eyes twinkled merrily at James from behind half-moon spectacles.

"Hey, look, it's Professor Dumbledore!"

"Who?" Sirius looked extremely confused.

"He's a friend of my parents," James explained. "Completely off his rocker."

Sirius muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "look who's talking!" but James had to ignore it, as the hat on the stool began to sing:

It has been a long time since

By loyal Helga's locket

Was I made

Sly Slytherin's ring, sharp Ravenclaw's cup

And brave Gryffindor's blade.

Together these four worked

With the treasures they held dear

To make me to decide this:

Which students were theirs to rear.

Slytherin, the cunning wizard

Chose carefully to ensure the best

For there were not many among the students

He felt could withstand his test.

Ravenclaw, the wisest of them all

Took the students that, as she

Loved to learn

Andyeared tobecome as knowledgeable as they could be.

Fiery Gryffindor

Looked for those true and brave of heart

He demanded that their valor

Was what would set them apart.

Kind Hufflepuff, she took

Those loyal and proud

Oh, Hufflepuffs might be at times weak

But their support is true and sound.

So remember as you are chosen

For your destined house

That although they may be different

It took all four to bring this about.

Professor McGonagall stepped in front of the hat, a roll of parchment clutched in her hands.

"Abbot, Damon!"

A small blonde boy stepped up to the stool, and jammed the hat on his head. He stayed there for a few seconds before the hat shouted "Hufflepuff!" Cheers from the according table were loud as they welcomed their first new member.

Lily bit nails nervously. What if the hat didn't like muggles? What if this was all some horrible mistake?

"Black, Bellatrix!" A girl with heavy lidded eyes and thick black hair strode confidently to the stool, casting a lazy grin at the Slytherin table. She had the hat on for less than a second before it yelled "Slytherin!"

"Black, Sirius!"

"Good luck, mate," James whispered, clapping Sirius on the back.

The hat took a surprisingly long amount of time deciding which house to place Sirius in. James fidgeted anxiously. Finally, the hat yelled "Gryffindor!"

James looked at his friend in surprise. In all honestly, he had expected Sirius to be in Slytherin with Bellatrix.

Ignoring the malicious glares coming his way from the Slytherin table, Sirius plopped happily in a seat at the Gryffindor table and was greeted warmly as its first new member.

"Dennis, Alice!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Evans, Lily!"

"Oh god," Lily whispered, and had it not been for Dorcas pushing her towards the stool, probably would've fainted right then and there.

"Hm," the hat said in her ear, once she had put it on. "Lots of brains. Lots. You would make a good Ravenclaw," it told her. "Definitely not a Hufflepuff. But I don't think Ravenclaw is best for you. Too much fire. And ambition, yes? You want to show people you can fit into this world. You want to be Head Girl!" it chuckled. "You, my dear, would make a lovely Slytherin."

Lily panicked. After hearing the hat's song and Dorcas's opinions on the different houses, she knew that was the last house she wanted to be in. "No!" she thought fiercely. "No, no, no! That's not the place for me. Please don't put me there."

"Yes, yes, I supposed you're right," the hat mused. "You are a muggleborn, after all. They wouldn't take too kindly to you, believe me. But – are you sure?"

"Yes," Lily thought.

The hat laughed again. "What spunk! You know, I'm glad you convinced me out of Slytherin. You're a much better fit in – Gryffindor!"

Blinking to adjust her eyes to the light of the hall, Lily pulled the hat off roughly. She made her way to the Gryffindor table, dimly aware of the clapping. She sat down heavily, only to realize she had sat next to Sirius.

"Not you again!" she groaned, and turned to see who was sitting next to her.

"Hi," said the girl shyly. She played nervously with her silky brown hair.. "My name is Alice Dennis."

"I'm Lily Evans." The two girls smiled at each other, deep green eyes meeting clear grey ones.

"Lily dearest, is that any way to treat me? You know you have my undying love." Sirius put his hand over his heart and affected a wounded expression. Lily, her cheeks stained bright red, was not amused.

"Sod off, Black," she said, and turned back to Alice, who was giggling. Sirius, noticing he had the attention of two females, gave Alice a roughish wink. She glared at him.

"Lupin, Remus!"

"Gryffindor!"

A thin, pale boy with light brown hair walked apprehensively towards the Gryffindor table, halting beside Sirius. "This seat open?"

"Nope!" said Sirius cheerfully. "I'm Sirius Black."

"Remus Lupin," he quietly responded.

"You don't need to be afraid of me, you know," said Sirius, surveying the defensive posture the boy had taken with mock-offense. "I am pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself."

"And modest?" Remus asked dryly.

"But of course Remus, my friend! It's one of my many charms."

Lily snorted.

"Longbottom, Frank!"

"Hufflepuff!"

"MacNair, Walden!"

"Slytherin!"

"Meadows, Dorcas!"

"Gryffindor!"

Lily cheered and clapped loudly as Dorcas sat in the seat next to Alice. Lily introduced the two, who seemed to get on well.

"Patil, Rajani!"

"Ravenclaw!"

"Pettigrew, Peter!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Potter, James!"

James stepped forward confidently, flashing Sirius a cocky grin before he jammed the hat on his head.

"Let's see," the hat began. "Brains, but a general lack of concern about using them."

"Hey!" James thought indignantly.

"Well, it's true," the hat insisted. "As I was trying to say! You'd be restless in Ravenclaw. Not a Slytherin, that's for sure. Ambition, but you care too much about people to ever be able to get far with it. That's a good thing," it said hastily, before James could interupt. "Goodness! You are a stubborn one. I think it'll be – Gryffindor!"

Grinning hugely, James walked to the Gryffindor table. Sirius was out of his chair, giving him the thumbs up sign and doing an odd little dance. The boy sitting to his right looked rather frightened, but James smiled at encouragingly, and sat down next to him.

"Sirius is a nutter, don't mind him. I'm James. You are -?"

"Remus Lupin," he replied.

"We need to train him, James," Sirius said, sitting back down. "He's too afraid of everything."

"Ah, yes, fresh meat." James laughed evilly. Remus eyed him suspiciously.

"Merlin's beard," he muttered. "I've landed with a bunch of lunatics."

"That's the spirit!" Sirius declared, giving Remus a hearty slap on the back.

Lily, Alice, and Dorcas all looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"What?" James asked. Then, he noticed Lily. "Lily darling! So glad you could make it!" Grinning evilly, he stood up and knelt by her chair.

"Don't you dare try kissing my hand again, Potter," Lily glared at him.

"Wouldn't dream of it," James said, before standing up and giving her a kiss on the lips and running back to his seat.

"You prat!" Lily shouted, and began to hit him with her wand.

"Now, Lily dearest – Ow! – surely this is just a misunderstanding – OW!"