HEIHACHI MISHIMA
I hate that stupid Jin Kazama.
Why, you ask? Well, he's crashed every single one of my cars that I've ever bought! He even crashed one that I hadn't even bought yet! It amazes me how he survives those crashes. It's all because he gets drunk with those stupid sons of mine and always has to be borrowing MY cars. It's almost as if he wants to crash them!
I'm going to kill Jin. I don't know who the killer is, but he isn't going to get Jin before me! I booby-trapped his room today, so I was hoping he'd be riddled with bullet holes and knives. However, he arrived at lunch today, which made me want to throw my knife at him. How could he have possibly avoided my trap? It was foolproof! Oh well, I guess I'll try again later. I've already got an idea; I'm going to booby-trap the toilet in his room!
Today I walked downstairs past the dance floor (stupid kids and their loud music these days) and found a room where Forest Law was training by himself. I asked him why he didn't show up for lunch today, and he snarled at me.
"I must get stronger! Everyone's gotta sacrifice a few things, so I sacrificed my free time for training!" screamed Forest.
"You're going to burn yourself out if you don't take a break once in a while." I said. Forest looked like he was about to explode.
"NO! No break! All work and no play make Forest Law stronger!" shouted Forest.
I made a mental note to avoid that room from now on.
The next day, as I was walking downstairs, that rude little girl Xiaoyu ran into me straight-on! I still can't believe they put that Espresso machine in her room. She's too dangerous with that device. She's also been running to the bathroom a lot, which is the only side effect that she knows about. Maybe I should sneak into her room and steal it from her! She'll probably be suffering the next few weeks from drug withdrawal, but at least we'll all get to keep our sanity during that time.
That suicidal maniac King tried to hang himself from the banister today, but the rope snapped and he fell onto the floor, breaking his leg. Poor guy...he should probably see a psychiatrist. I don't see any reason why he should be trying to kill himself. Whenever people talk to him, he screams at them and threatens to wipe the floor with their faces! Feeling sympathy for him, Julia tried to talk him into enjoying life today. However, when she walked out of King's room (which was filled with Linkin Park and Evanescence posters) she was crying and had quite a few bruises on her. Her jacket was torn up, and King was snarling wildly, Linkin Park music blaring out of his stereo at full volume. Talk about a psychopath...
Speaking of psychopaths, my idiot son Kazuya has been stalking Jin lately with that stupid wooden spatula of his. Whenever no one's looking, he tackles Jin and beats him over the head. He'd better stop that, because I'm supposed to be the one killing Jin, not him! I may as well just take that spatula from him and beat Jin to death with it. Kazuya tried to beat up Lee with that wooden household utensil of doom, but suffered a severe thrashing. If he attacks me with it, he won't have a spatula anymore. I'll use it to make my own pancakes. The pancakes that the chefs make here aren't as good as the ones Jun makes. One of these days I've got to get rid of those stupid sons of mine...
I got to the dining hall pretty early for dinner. The only person there was Gon, but Gon isn't a human, so I guess I was the only person there. I sat down in my chair and awaited the waiter (HA! It rhymes! Isn't that funny?), but that stupid little dinosaur Gon threw his stupid little beach ball at me! I wasn't expecting it, and that thing can actually hurt if Gon throws it hard enough, which he did! Furious, I threw it back at him with full force. Sure enough, it hit him square in the face, doubling him over. I would've pummeled him into the floor, but at that point everyone started coming in. Michelle and Julia got vegetarian dishes, so the dinner was a bit quieter...until one of the waiter people tripped with his platter of meat. The food splattered all over Bruce Irvin. For some reason, Bruce thought it was Anna who tripped the waiter.
"I pity da foo who tripped the waiter!" shouted Bruce. He grabbed a piece of chicken and hurled it at Anna. Nina burst into laughter at the sight of her sister being humiliated. Anna, shocked and disgusted at the same time, looked at Bruce with fury in her eyes.
"That's no way to treat a lady!" snapped Anna. She grabbed a piece of broccoli and threw it at Bruce, which hit him in the face. She whirled around to face Nina. "And you, dear sister, need to know when to keep your mouth shut!" She scooped up some rice on her spoon and hurled it at Nina. Nina screamed as the rice hit her in the face, brushing it off in disgust.
"It's on, Anna!" shrieked Nina, picking up her plate and hurling its contents at Anna. I knew where this situation was going, so instead of letting it play itself out I decided to speed it up. I stood up on my chair, clutching a piece of chicken in my right hand.
"FOOD FIGHT!" I screamed, throwing the chicken across the room at Masahiro, who was bug-eyed as I did it. Much chaos ensued from that point. Everyone grabbed what they had on their plate and chucked it at a random person across the table. Gon threw his stupid little beach ball at me again, which I hoped was the last time he'd ever do it, because I grabbed a knife and was about to pop it when Toshin grabbed Gon and threw him at me, knocking me over before I could pop the beach ball. Ganryu was simply eating the food thrown at him. Kazuya tackled Jin, whipped out that evil wooden spatula of his, and started beating Jin over the head. Jin screamed, curling up and covering his head with his hands. Jun kicked Kazuya off Jin. Michelle fell back in her chair, mashed potatoes flying over her head matrix style. Julia saw this as a chance to get back at her mom, so she threw her veggie burger at her. Michelle was about to scold her when she was hit in the head by Gon's beach ball, thrown with incredible strength by P. Jack.
"STOP!" screamed Masahiro, wiping the chicken off his face with his napkin. However, no one heard him. Panda, who was eating separately from everyone else with Kuma, grabbed Xiaoyu and threw her at Jin. Xiaoyu started shouting random things at an extremely high pitch and speed. Jin, frightened, threw Xiaoyu back at Panda and hid behind me. Bryan Fury wasn't throwing food; he was throwing punches. His first victim was Lei, whom he did his Mach Punch to, knocking the Chinese cop across the room. Yoshimitsu was dashing across the table, throwing forks and knives at people ninja style. Kunimitsu was a foot behind, trying to cut off Yoshimitsu's sword arm. Eddy and Tiger were breakdancing and throwing food at eachother at the same time. Hwoarang and Baek were in the corner, throwing sushi at anyone who got within 10 feet of them. Mokujin was observing peoples' food-throwing strategies and copying them. Combot was defending Lee by blocking the incoming food while Lee threw his corn on the cob at people. However, the big characters (Toshin, Kuma, and Panda) decided to start throwing everybody at me.
Toshin's first target was, once again, Gon. He picked up the little dinosaur and hurled him with full power at me AGAIN. I was knocked over AGAIN, and it hurt really bad AGAIN. When I got up, I saw Kuma pick up Lee and throw him at me. I rolled over to the side to avoid my son, but then Panda threw Xiaoyu at me. I kicked her out of the air, then started running towards the door, Christie flying past me. Tiger and Eddy were next, the two hitting the door as I ran out of the dining room. When I was out in the hallway, I ran as fast as I could to my room. Whew, that was a bit too much action for someone as old as me! I flopped down on the bed immediately and went to sleep. Tomorrow I'll plan my next attack on Jin.
When I woke up, I looked at the clock and realized I had been sleeping for several hours. However, it was still night time. Something had obviously woken me up. I felt the floor vibrating to a beat. I thought that Tiger was having a dance party or something, but when I got out of bed I heard Hwoarang shouting outside. I looked out the window and couldn't believe what I saw.
Hwoarang was dressed in all white pimp clothes. He had a white feathered hat and a cane with a crystal ball. He, Baek, Anna, Julia, Eddy, and Christie were all sitting in a pimpmobile, rap music blasting at full volume. The pimpmobile was bouncing up and down, and they all looked like they were having the best time of their life. Kids and their loud music these days! I thought of opening the window and shouting at them to keep it down, but then I saw Michelle come stomping outside.
"JULIA CHANG, YOU GET IN HERE RIGHT THIS SECOND!" screamed Michelle. "You are in BIG trouble, missy! I can't believe my own daughter is...is..." Julia looked furious.
"But mom, you never let me do anything fun!" whined Julia. "I always have to study or do that tribal stuff you always make me do!"
"You have three seconds to get over here or you're grounded!" snapped Michelle. Julia started to cry, jumping out of the car and walking towards her mother. Michelle stomped forward, grabbed Julia by the left wrist, and dragged her into the mansion. Maybe I should do that to MY children when they're misbehaving! Tiger came out of the mansion and gasped when he saw Eddy and Christie making out.
"OH NO YOU DI'INT!" shouted Tiger. Eddy looked angry.
"You wanna mess? Huh?" replied Eddy, jumping out of the pimpmobile. "I'll take all y'all on!"
"Better hand me your menu 'cuz you're about to get SERVED!" hissed Tiger. He and Eddy started fighting eachother with their master Capoeira skills. Anna, dressed in her zebra clothes, was on Hwoarang's lap, giggling constantly.
"Well, looks like everyone's leaving." sighed Hwoarang. Anna looked disappointed. "We can continue this in my room, Anna." Anna smiled devilishly, laughing in a drunk way. Anna jumped off Hwoarang, who jumped out of the pimpmobile. "Baek, you're parking it somewhere." With that, Hwoarang and Anna smooched their way back into the mansion. Tiger came up with a huge crescent kick, hitting Eddy square in the face. When Eddy was on the ground, Tiger spit on Eddy and ran into the mansion. Eddy was hot on his trail. Baek made the pimpmobile stop bouncing and started to drive it towards the parking lot, but suddenly BOOM! The pimpmobile exploded, sending Baek flying 10 feet into the air. He landed with a sickening crunch.
Baek was motionless.
REMAINING CHARACTERS:
Anna Williams
Boskonovich
Bruce Irvin
Bryan Fury
Christie Monteiro
Combot
Eddy Gordo
Forest Law
Ganryu
Gon
Gun Jack
Heihachi Mishima
Hwoarang
Jin Kazama
Julia Chang
Jun Kazama
Kazuya Mishima
King
Kuma
Kunimitsu
Lee Chaolan
Lei Wulong
Ling Xiaoyu
Michelle Chang
Mokujin
Nina Williams
Panda
Paul Phoenix
Prototype Jack
Tiger Jackson
Toshin
Yoshimitsu
(Sorry for the delay. Stupid Algebra homework...--)