(Thank you for your comments, everyone! :) )

REEV

Oops...wrong fanfic.

PAUL PHOENIX

When I woke up this morning, I stretched out a little bit, got my red uniform on, and walked out into the hall. I walked towards the dining room, narrowly avoiding Xiaoyu, who was running laps around the mansion interior (apparently she had been really working that Espresso machine). When I entered the dining room, the only people there were King, Kunimitsu, Anna, Bryan Fury, and Kazuya. Kazuya was waiting behind the grandfather clock for Jin so he could jump him, chuckling evilly constantly. Kunimitsu was crouched in the shadows, waiting for Yoshimitsu. Anna and Bryan Fury were gossiping about Nina, and King was drawing pictures on a napkin of himself being hanged. Suddenly I was hit in the head by...a beach ball! Gon quickly rushed over and picked up his beach ball, but I grabbed him by the tail and hurled him out the window. He's really starting to get on everyone's nerves!

The first person to come in was Jun. No one who was planning an ambush moved a muscle. Then, Yoshimitsu and Jin walked in at the same time. Kazuya jumped out from behind the grandfather clock, screaming wildly. At the same time, Kunimitsu bolted out of the shadows at a very high speed. She jumped up so she could dropkick Yoshimitsu in the head, but Yoshimitsu found a quarter on the ground and bent down to pick it up. Kunimitsu went flying over Yoshimitsu, crashing into a china cabinet. The cabinet toppled over into the doorway, landing on Toshin's foot. Toshin roared in pain, his wings flapping like crazy. He kicked the cabinet high into the air, and then dove out of the way as it fell towards the ground. Boskonovich was walking through the doorway, unaware of his impending doom. Yoshimitsu, panicking, dove forward and pushed Boskonovich out of the way, the china cabinet landing on his legs. Yoshimitsu screamed in pain. P. Jack, who had just arrived, lifted the cabinet up off Yoshimitsu and gently placed it back where it belonged, making it look really easy to do. At that point everyone had entered the room, Masahiro at the end.

"I don't want anymore food fights going on in here. Understand?" said Masahiro. The chefs came out with steaming platters of food. It smelled SO good! Ganryu was salivating. Kuma was giving me mean looks from the corner of the room. We all passed the stuff around, the line ending at Ganryu since he took whatever was left. Feeling rebellious, I stood up on my chair.

"FOOD FIGHT!" I screamed. However, it seemed that the whole food fight thing was old, because everyone gave me mean looks. Gun Jack grabbed me by the wrist and hurled me out the already broken window. One of the shards tore open the back of my uniform, got caught on my pants, and pulled them clean off as I sailed through the window. Fortunately I was wearing boxers (take that you sickos), but everyone roared with laughter. Man, today just isn't my day! I quickly rushed over and put my pants back on, running towards the front door. I noticed a black area on the grass, and a motionless body. Upon further inspection, I saw that it was Baek Doo San. Maybe he was the killer's first victim! Ooh, the suspense! I rushed through the entrance, down the hall, and back into the dining room.

"Hey everyone, Baek's, like...dead or something. He's just lying there on the grass." I said. Everyone looked at me strangely. Masahiro stood up.

"Well everyone, it looks like the killer has gotten his/her/it's first victim. Baek is dead." said Masahiro. Everyone gasped. Hwoarang threw his arms into the air.

"NOOOOOO!!" screamed Hwoarang, bursting into tears and burying his face in his hands. He jumped out of his seat and tried to run out of the room, but ended up tripping on Gon's beach ball and crashing into the wall. Everyone started talking to eachother. Lee shot up out of his seat and pointed accusingly at Toshin.

"IT WAS HIM!" shouted Lee, glaring at Toshin. "I know it was him! Look at the murderous look in his eyes!" Toshin snarled at Lee and started to jump up onto the table, but P. Jack grabbed him by the wrist and forced him back into his seat.

"I pity da foo who kills Baek!" commented Bruce.

"Why, it's my dear sister Nina who's the killer." said Anna. Nina glared at her.

"Stop trying to cover up the fact that you're the killer!" snapped Nina.

The room erupted into random accusations. Lee was still pointing and shouting at Toshin. Toshin, unrestrained by P. Jack, tackled Lee and tried to bite him. Gun Jack was pointing at P. Jack. Kunimitsu and Yoshimitsu were pointing at eachother. Gon couldn't point, so he threw his beach ball at Heihachi. Kazuya, taking advantage of the fact that everyone was distracted, tackled Jin and raised his spatula to deliver the shot heard 'round the world. Jin was screaming, but Jun was the only one who heard it. She started wrestling with Kazuya for control of the spatula. Tiger and Eddy were pointing at eachother, and Christie was pointing at Julia. Michelle was pointing at Masahiro. Ganryu was stealing the food off of everyone's plates. Combot was pointing at Toshin because his master was doing so, too. King wasn't pointing at anyone; he was drawing pictures of himself impaled in a pit of spikes. Bryan Fury was pointing at Lei. Xiaoyu was bouncing so fast I couldn't see who she was pointing at. Boskonovich was pointing weakly at me. Stupid old man! Maybe I should teach him a lesson...

"We'll make our accusations later, but for now, we're going to have breakfast." said Masahiro. Lee let out a bloodcurdling scream as Toshin chomped down on his left arm, blood starting to trickle out of the wound. Toshin reared back to sweep down and bite Lee in the neck.

"NO! MY IDIOT ADOPTED SON!" cried Heihachi. He jumped out of his seat and tackled Toshin. "I'm supposed to be the one who kills him!" Toshin threw Heihachi off and stared at Lee angrily. Lee screamed and ran out of the room as fast as he could. Toshin snarled at the doorway Lee had exited through, Gon throwing his beach ball across the room at Toshin. Furious, Bryan Fury (HA! I'm SO funny! Marshall Law loves having my comic genius at his dojo) stood up out of his seat and glared at Gon.

"You know what? I'm getting tired of that f---"Before Bryan Fury could say the next word, there was that censor beep that they have on TV when people say naughty words. I always thought that it was some TV programmer making the beep; now I know that the beep really happens in real life! "----ing beach ball!" Bryan Fury was about to throw Gon across the room when suddenly these ninja security guard people jumped through the window and restrained him. Masahiro looked furious.

"ENOUGH!" screamed Masahiro. "Can't we just have a normal meal?" Masahiro was just about done with his breakfast, but he decided to skip the rest because we were being such weirdoes. He stomped out of the room.

"Man, someone needs to take a chill pill!" squeaked Xiaoyu, twitching violently. Suddenly she stopped bouncing and twitching and all that stuff, panting. "I'm...out of breath..." With that, she collapsed on the floor and went to sleep. She twitched in her sleep, which started to creep us out after a little while. Boskonovich, Yoshimitsu, Kunimitsu, Jin, and Kazuya all stood up at the same time, walking out the same exit. After a minute or two we heard a sudden burst of machinegun fire and the sound of a body collapsing to the floor. Shocked, we all ran out into the hall to see what the commotion was all about. When we entered the hall, Yoshimitsu was laying motionless on the floor, his armor ridden with bullets. Boskonovich was on the floor, supposedly knocked over by the killer. Kazuya was spanking Jin with that dumb wooden spatula of his. Kunimitsu was nowhere to be found. Yoshimitsu's sword arm was missing.

"I think this is a CLUE!" shouted Christie. I gave her a dry look.

"Why thank you, Captain Obvious!" I said. Christie held up one arm in a cheesy superhero stance.

"Captain Obvious TO THE RESCUE!" shouted Christie, starting to fly around the room.

"Christie, when did you learn to fly?" I asked. Suddenly Christie stopped in midair, realized she couldn't actually fly, and fell flat on the floor.

Another one bit the dust. Poor Yoshimitsu. I wonder how Forest Law is doing? He's always down in that training room of his. I walked down the stairs and into the training room. Sure enough, Forest Law's body was laying on the floor, three ninja stars sticking out of its back. I clenched my fists, then screamed.

"NOOOOOOOO!!"

REMAINING CHARACTERS:

Anna Williams

Boskonovich

Bruce Irvin

Bryan Fury

Christie Monteiro

Combot

Eddy Gordo

Ganryu

Gon

Gun Jack

Heihachi Mishima

Hwoarang

Jin Kazama

Julia Chang

Jun Kazama

Kazuya Mishima

King

Kuma

Kunimitsu

Lee Chaolan

Lei Wulong

Ling Xiaoyu

Michelle Chang

Mokujin

Nina Williams

Panda

Paul Phoenix

Prototype Jack

Tiger Jackson

Toshin