Chapter 4 – And If You're Still Breathing, You're the Lucky Ones

('Cause The Rest Of Us Are Heaving Through Corrupted Lungs)

The LA streets were alive with morning traffic as she headed back to the station. Athena instinctively reached for the coffee she had left in the car when she'd reached the hospital and took a long drink, scowling at the realization it was cold. She swallowed and dumped the coffee back in the cupholder and propped her elbow up on the window trim, rubbing at her forehead with her fingers, she could feel a headache coming on. The events of the last few hours played on repeat in her head. Seeing Buck so still and lifeless, a tube in his throat to keep him breathing, filled her with fear and rage.

Part of her wished that she hadn't recused herself, she wanted to find the son of a bitch responsible and personally castrate him. But she knew that she couldn't be a part of the investigation, any defense team would try and use it to make a case that the evidence had been tampered with or something equally false. She needed to do this by the book and concentrate on supporting the boy.

Usually stoic and calm, Athena's grip on her control was on a knife-edge. She lashed out and slammed her hand against the steering wheel, instantly regretting the move when pain radiated through her palm. Clenching her fist, she bit back a string of profanities.

When she had returned from speaking to Officer Williams to find Bobby leaning over Buck's prone form her heart had skipped a beat.

"His eyes are open!" Her husband had all but shouted to her. She had darted forward to the bed and saw for herself tiny slithers of unfocused blue eyes staring at nothing. She had looked up to hit the call button and by the time she'd looked back down again, they'd closed.

Turning off the freeway Athena drove along the station approach and pulled into a space outside the station doors, she shut off the engine and climbed out, the exhaustion hit her as she climbed the concrete steps and pushed her way into the lobby.

Fellow officers moved around her going about their day, none the wiser to her anguish. She navigated her way through the busy hallways to the control room and sat down at the first available desk and punched her ID into the computer. She rapidly typed up a report for the call to the hospital detailing her self-removal from the case and logged back out.

"Morning, Sergeant." Voices called to her as she headed to the locker room to change, she nodded at them but didn't stop until she stood in front of her locker. Pulling off her uniform felt like stripping her protection. When in uniform she became a symbol, a symbol of hope and help.

"I'd ask how you are but I guess that's pretty obvious." Athena turned to see Elaine leaning against a closed locker a few rows down. The Captain's face was sympathetic but also held a note of her own feelings and anger. "How is he?"

When Elaine had called her earlier, responding to her message about requesting another officer, Athena had reluctantly informed her of the full scope of the situation. The guilt at being the first to reveal Buck's trauma sat uneasy on her but she knew she needed to be above reproach.

Athena sighed. "Physically, they don't think there'll be any lasting effects. Mentally, we can't even begin to know."

"I checked with the crime lab; officer Williams has signed in the kit." Athena nodded slowly. "I've booked you out for the week. Take the time, be with your boy."

The captain was well aware of how important Buck was to the Grant-Nash household.

"Thank you."

"We'll get him, Athena." Elaine promised and Athena didn't doubt her words.

"I know I can't investigate the case but I'd appreciate any updates or progress you can give me, that is if Buck decides to pursue it." That was the next hurdle, after Buck woke, to explain what had happened, help him understand his trauma and injuries, and try to convince him to make an official statement. If he refused there was nothing legally the police could do to catch his attacker.

Sexual assault didn't end with the attack itself, there's the forensic exam, statements, questioning, identity parades, court cases, testifying, not to mention the recovery itself. Buck's journey through this nightmare was far from over.

"I'll do what I can," Elaine assured her. "Go on," She gestured with her head toward the door. "Get back to him."

Athena shouldered her bag and together they exited the locker room, Elaine left her with a reassuring squeeze to her shoulder and Athena signed in the keys to the patrol car before heading to the parking structure to retrieve her own.

She slammed the door closed after climbing in and the hold on her resolve broke. Her hands gripped onto the steering wheel as though it would keep her from crumbling. She let her head fall to rest against them as her shoulder heaved and shuddered with sobs.

She needed this, she needed to break now, not when Buck was awake and conscious.

Blindly groping for her bag, she rummaged in its depths until she found a pack of tissues, she pulled one out and wiped it under her eyes, it came away with swipes of smudged mascara and foundation. She cleaned up as best she could a took a series of deep breaths.

Pulling out her phone she dialed Bobby's number.

"Hey." He answered on the second ring.

"Just checking in, everything okay?" She projected as much normality into her voice as possible.

"No change here. You clock out okay?"

"All good, Elaine's given me the week."

"That's good of her. I need to call the Chief."

"I'm just leaving the station now; I'll sit with Buck and you can go call him."

"Okay, drive safe. I love you."

"I love you, too." She ended the call and started the engine, pulling out of the parking space and maneuvering out onto the street, and joining the throng of traffic.

A call to the Chief wasn't the only one that needed to be made. They needed to decide whether to call Maddie or not. It could be hours or even days before Buck was aware enough to make that decision for himself. There would be no way they could escape with censoring Buck's assault, once at the hospital Maddie would naturally have questions for the doctor and would soon find out to full tale.

By the time she arrived back at the hospital another hour had passed and Athena wished she still had the patrol car, she could have done with the lights and sirens to get through the traffic. LA was her home, and after years residing there she couldn't imagine living anywhere else, but the driving conditions? Those she could do without. Spotting a coffee shop across the road from the parking lot she stopped in and picked up two trays of coffee and several bags of assorted pastries and Danishes.

Juggling the lot, she emerged from the elevator. The ward was busier than when she left, she narrowly avoided colliding with a gurney being pushed by two porters and stopped at the nurse's desk. The nurse from before was gone, the one in her place looked at her with confusion. Athena pulled two coffees from one of the trays and set them to one side along with one of the brown paper bags.

"I'm a relative of Mr. Buckley in room 8," she told the woman. "Is Dr. Woods still around?"

"She's just doing the patient rounds."

"Could you please make sure she gets one of these?" Athena waved a hand over the gifts and when the nurse assured her she would she gathered up the supplies for herself and Bobby and made her way back to the room.

Bobby turned to the door when she entered and leaped up to hold it for her. She placed the cardboard cups and bag on the table perched over the foot of the bed.

"Bear claw?" Bobby asked hopefully.

"You know it." She smiled and pecked him on the cheek as he pulled out the sweet treat and took a large bite. Athena sipped at the fresh coffee as she looked over the boy laid out before her. "Anything else happen while I was gone?"

"No," Bobby replied, quietly. "His eyes move now and then but they don't open. I thought I felt his fingers twitch a couple of times but…I don't know, maybe I was just imagining it." He ran a hand tiredly over his face.

"Did you get any sleep at all after your shift yesterday?" Athena asked as she stroked a hand over his hair flattening the ends that stuck up where he had run his hands repeatedly through them.

"A couple of hours." He admitted, taking another bite and picking up the coffee with a large black 'B' written on the lid in sharpie. He moved back to his chair and sank heavily into it.

"Why don't you go home," she suggested. "Get some more sleep, take a shower. You'll feel better."

Her husband shook his head vehemently. "No." He told her in a tone that left no room for argument. "I'm not leaving him."

"I know you're scared," Athena said softly, she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and bent down to place a kiss on the top of his head. "Lord knows, I'm scared too, our kid is hurt. But we can't look after him if we don't look after ourselves."

"Athena, I am not going home until he wakes up." He stated and she knew the conversation was over.

"Okay." She moved over to the vacant chair and seated herself with her coffee and Danish. "We better make ourselves comfortable then."

Bobby smiled amusedly, then resumed his intent watching of Buck's face. Athena turned her own eye towards him, she'd only been gone a couple of hours but she was convinced the bruises on his face were darker, more apparent. From the angle she was sitting her view was limited to the side of his face, as her eyes raked over his skin she spotted injuries she had missed, a torn earlobe and a missing patch of hair towards his crown, torn out at the roots. The short stretch of skin on his right arm between the top of the bandages at his elbow and the sleeve of his hospital gown held a series of circular bruises. Fingertip bruising. Seeing the carbon proof that Buck had been held down, pinned to the ground whilst that monster violated him was enough to threaten the evacuation of the few sips of coffee she had taken and she quickly looked away from his marred skin. She found Bobby watching her, his eyes squinting at her in question and she smiled to assuage him.

"Did you call the Chief?" She asked him.

"Damn, no." Bobby reached for his phone which he had laid on the table next to Buck's bed. "How much do I tell him?"

"Just that Buck's been hurt, he's in hospital and is going to need some recovery time." She said measuredly.

"Yeah, but how much." He shrugged. "He's not going to be healed in a week."

Athena knew he wasn't referring to the physical injuries.

"Say a couple of weeks to start but that he may need longer. We also need to think about calling Maddie."

"I was thinking that too." He looked at Buck. "Is it selfish that I don't want to? I just want to keep him safe. Protect him from prying questions and judgemental stares."

"No one's going to judge him, Bobby?"

"Aren't they?" He scoffed. "How many rape cases go unreported because the victim is scared people will think they were asking for it? What about the mentality that men can't be raped? Add to that Buck's history of screwing anything in a skirt! He was a self-confessed sex addict for Christ's sake; any defense lawyer is going to have a field day with that!" Bobby finished his tirade out of breath and eyes wild. "I don't want anyone else to know." He added quietly.

"That's not your decision to make." Athena told him gently.

"Isn't it? I'm his emergency contact. He chose me for a reason."

"Buck chose you because he loves you and he trusts you to do the right thing for him when he can't."

Athena watched as his shoulders slumped and his legs wobbled and she darted forward pulling him into her arms. He sagged against her smaller frame and she felt his body trembling beneath her hands resting on his back.

"What if I don't know what the right thing is?" He uttered softly in her ear.

"I don't think anybody does, baby." She answered, honestly. She pulled back and cupped his face in her hands. "We take it one step at a time." She stretched up and kissed him lovingly. "First, call Alonzo, then, we work out what to do about Maddie."

He nodded and with one last look at the man on the bed he left the room, phone in hand.

Bobby blinked as he stepped out of the hospital's main entrance into the sunshine. It had been the middle of the night when he'd arrived and he felt like days had passed whilst he'd been cooped up in that room with the kid. He seated himself on one of the benches just to the left of the doors and unlocked his phone, bringing up the contacts list he scrolled down to the Chief's number.

"Alonzo." The man's deep voice boomed in greeting.

"Chief, it's Bobby Nash."

"Bobby. What can I do for you at 9 a.m. on a Saturday?" Bobby took note of the hint of displeasure at the early morning call on what must have been his day off.

"It's firefighter Buckley." The Chief's sigh crackled down the phone.

"What has that boy done now?"

Bobby tamped down his natural instinct to defend Buck. This wasn't the first time he'd called Chief Alonzo to inform him that, to him, Buck was unfit for work due to some injury or other. The worst had been going behind his back telling the Chief about the clots and blood thinners, saying he didn't want Buck back on active duty yet. He'd felt such guilt at not talking to the kid first, expressing his concerns but he had known that Buck wouldn't have listened to them, would have protested that he was fit, able, and ready to go on calls.

"He's, uh. He's been injured, off shift, he's currently on the critical care ward at UCLA Santa Monica." He replied, carefully.

"Sounds serious. What happened?" Bobby balked; he had hoped he wouldn't ask outright.

"He was attacked at a bar." He had decided that sticking as close to the truth as possible without revealing the key details was the best course. "They, uh, the police think it was just a random mugging, but he's pretty banged up. He's going to need a bit of time to rest up."

"Damn, tell Buckley I'll approve two weeks' leave, if he needs more tell him to get in touch with my office."

"I will, thank you Chief." The dial tone sounded as Alonzo ended the call. Bobby dropped the phone to his lap and lifted his head skyward closing his eyes letting the warm sun wash over him. He always found hospitals on the lower side of a comfortable temperature; the air conditioning cranked up too high. His phone pinged and he glanced back down at the screen.

Athena: They're ready to extubate.

Bobby bolted from the bench and sprinted back into the hospital, he didn't bother waiting for the lift but burst through the door to the stairwell and took the stairs two at a time, his back screaming at him with every leap. He emerged onto the fourth floor panting and out of breath and jogged the final distance to Buck's room. The door was propped open and Athena stood just inside at the foot of the bed.

"What happened?" Bobby asked in a rush. His eyes were wide as they scanned over the unconscious man.

"Dr. Woods came by, she said his breathing has been stable for long enough to warrant taking the tube out."

"That's, that's good." His racing heart began to slow a little. He reached out and tangled his fingers with hers and pulled her against him.

Dr. Woods entered behind them, a nurse following behind holding a tray of instruments. They moved in sync as they approached the bed and raised the mattress so Buck was resting in a half-sitting position.

"Ready?" Dr. Woods asked looking up at both Bobby and Athena and they nodded at the woman. "Ashley, could you get the suction catheter and a nasal cannula ready?"

The nurse nodded and she handed her a pair of gloves before pulling on her own and then set about laying out the required implements. Dr. Woods unfastened the Velcro on the strap encircling Buck's head securing the tube in place and gently slid it from behind his head. She held it out to Ashley who deposited it in the tray placed next to Buck's thigh.

Ashley attached the catheter to a tube emitting from the wall and flicked a switch activating the suction cylinder. Bobby watched as the doctor carefully inserted the catheter into Buck's mouth beside the tube and removed the build-up of secretions trapped by the prevention of his inability to swallow.

Once finished she held it out and Ashely swapped it for an empty syringe. Dr. Woods screwed the tip into the valve attached to the tube, she cast one last look at the monitor displaying Buck's saturation levels.

"Okay, let's do this." She smiled up at them. She drew back on the plunger and Bobby saw the rush of liquid as the bulb fitting the tube securely in Buck's throat deflated. Swiftly but surly she pulled on the tube, rotating her wrist as she moved, and slid the tube out of his mouth. She dropped it into the tray and Ashley slipped the thin plastic tubing of the nasal cannula over his ears and guided the prongs into his nostrils.

Through it all Buck stayed still and silent, his body not reacting to the hands touching him or the obstruction in his throat being removed.

Dr. Woods took her stethoscope and pressed the bell to his chest listening to his lungs. She nodded to herself and removed the earpieces, turning to Bobby and Athena she smiled. "He's good."

The pair let our twin sighs of relief and Bobby pulled his wife into a bone-crushing hug.

"Let's keep him elevated and set the O2 to two liters." She directed to Ashley before turning to them. "We'll monitor his breathing carefully for the next 24 hours but all being well he shouldn't need any additional airway intervention. Now, we just wait for him to wake up." Ashley gathered the instruments into the tray and the two of them left the room.

"Thank you, Dr. Woods." Bobby said, turning to catch the woman as she crossed the threshold into the hallway.

"It's not a problem." The doctor glanced down at her watch. "I'll be clocking off in about two hours but I promise I will personally brief the next shift of the situation and I guarantee you they will treat Buck with the utmost respect."

Bobby could see the sincerity in her eyes, this woman really did want the best for her patients. He could imagine she would stay if she were needed. He gave her the best and most grateful smile he could in his emotional state.

The doctor closed the door behind her leaving them alone with Buck and he and his wife stayed wrapped in each other's arms as they watched over Buck. Bobby's eyes were glued to his chest watching it rise and fall. The removal of the breathing tube had greatly lessened the hands of terror still gripping his chest.

Now he just needed Buck to open his eyes again.

What he'd give for a random fact, a terrible joke, a dopey or confused expression, or even a wild tale of a past romantic conquest.

"Oh, God!" He burst out suddenly as his eyes widened.

"What? What's wrong." Athena jumped in his arms and drew back to look up at his face taking in the startled expression.

"Taylor!"