Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed.

Revelations

"So? Did you or did you not say Cole's name down there?" Paige asked sitting on the chair in a corner of the room Phoebe had once occupied. Piper hadn't got a chance to turn it into a toy room for her children yet, so the original furniture was all still there. Paige ran a hand across her stomach, looking expectantly at the newly married Halliwell.

"Yes," Phoebe murmured, looking at the ground as she took a seat next to Piper on the bed. "It's just," she continued speaking before one of her sisters could react, "I... I could swear that I saw him, just for a second. But, still..."

"What do you mean you saw him? That's-"

"Impossible? I know, Paige. I know it's impossible. Cole's dead. No, he's more than dead. He doesn't exist at all anymore. I made sure of that. I drove him crazy with rejection. I made him want to kill himself. I turned him right back to evil. I forced him to create an alternate world. I all but actually through the vanquishing potion at him. But, not to worry, my alternate self took care of that part for me. I-"

"Phoebe," Paige interrupted Phoebe's rambling, "You're not actually blaming yourself for everything that happened with Cole, are you? He was evil! Nothing that happened was your fault. I can't believe you're even suggesting that."

"I didn't say everything was my fault. But, come on, when he was the Source, you were the only one who was willing to face it. I noticed the changes in him, but I made myself believe it was just because he was adjusting to life without powers. I couldn't face the fact that something else was going wrong, not after everything that he and I had been through. And, then I vanquished him."

"We had to vanquish him, Phoebe. He was the Source of All Evil, for crying out loud!"

"He was possessed by the Source of All Evil. There's a difference. And if I had been willing to just face the facts sooner, I may have been able to save him."

"Fine, he was possessed," Paige relented. "But, what about when he came back? How do you figure that was your fault?"

"Cole had been a demon for over a hundred years. We never should've let his demonic half be vanquished. That made him lose half of himself and left a void for the Source to invade. But, when he got out of the Wasteland, he had powers. He was complete again. I should've understood that. But, I was still so angry at myself, at him... at everything. So, I told him the powers made him evil. And, I pushed him away. I didn't help guide him or even believe in his ability to remain good. I convinced myself that I didn't love him and was a complete jerk to him. I rubbed other guys in his face. Told him I loathed him. But, I was the only reason he'd turned back to good, and just two years of doing it wasn't enough to overcome a century of evil and a demonic heritage, not without my believing in him and helping him. He killed that first innocent trying to protect me from exposure. It was the wrong thing for the right reasons."

"That doesn't make the action right," the youngest witch argued, "And he killed several innocents after that landlord guy for no reason, two just because they interrupted his drink."

"I'm not excusing him. But, I did drive him to all those crazy acts. I'd told him that I would always love him and that nothing would ever change it. But my fear did. And, then, god, Paige do you know the last thing I said to him? I told him that I'd felt nothing when I thought he'd been absorbed into the ground with the Nexus. I told him I'd never look back, never even think of all the good times we'd had. The next day I killed him."

"That wasn't you. And, Sweetie, I understand. Really, I do. I know you loved him. But, you've moved on. It's been four years since Cole's vanquish. You shouldn't still feel guilty. Just let him go."

"Coop took me to revisit my past relationships, did you know? I saw the day Cole and I met, and I saw the day I murdered him. Other world me or not, I threw the potion. And that was the worst vanquish I've ever seen. The day I killed the love of my life."

Paige stood up, shooting a glance at a strangely silent Piper, before stopping in front of Phoebe, "I really wish you would stop saying I. We all got rid of him. He'd become a threat and we stopped him. Or rather me and a different Phoebe and Piper stopped him. I get that seeing that vanquish for the first time, brought up some painful memories. And it was a gruesome vanquish. But, honestly, I can't say I regret it. What I do regret is how hurt you were by the whole ordeal. And I hate seeing you cry right now. But, we can't change the past. If you're still in pain over Cole, though, let Piper and I help you deal, OK? But, first, Phoebe, if you saw him, does that mean he's alive again. I didn't see him. But, if he is-"

"You want to kill him again? That's what I tried to do right after he came back last time. Without cause. Without him doing a thing but loving me."

"Phoebe-"

"No, I know you mean well, that you're just trying to protect me. But, I can't face killing him again."

"So, you're saying he's alive?"

"No. That's not possible. You know it's not. You've said it. I'm sure I just, I imagined him, or something. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you guys. I can't figure out why I would imagine Cole while I'm marrying Coop. Did you see Kyle, Paige, or, Piper, did you see Dan when you got married. Is it just normal to picture your ex for like comparison?"

"I don't know who Dan is and I can't speak for Ms. Silent over there, but, Honey, I never even thought of Kyle. I mean, sure he crosses my mind sometimes. I really cared for him. But, I'm so madly in love with Henry. All I saw at our wedding was my groom."

As Phoebe's face paled, Paige rushed on, "But, it's different for you. You were actually married to Cole. And you only pictured him once. So, I'm sure it-"

"I pictured Cole at every part of the ceremony. But, I didn't let myself focus on it. I wanted to think of Coop."

"At every part?" Paige repeated.

Phoebe nodded. "Why would I do that?"

"Maybe because you're still in love with him?" Piper finally spoke.

Phoebe was taken aback. She knew her and her sisters were all really in tune with each other, but wasn't she supposed to be the empathic one? It was one of her powers; albeit, dormant again. 'Not that Piper's right,' she thought hurriedly. 'I can't love Cole. I love Coop.'

"You're crazy, Piper. I mean, yeah, I'm finally facing everything that happened to us, and I do feel at least partly responsible, and I still do think Cole was the love of my life." She let out a breath, "And, it does still hurt. But I love Coop now. I'm married to Coop."

"You didn't say no to my question."

"I was married by the Angel of Destiny, Piper! I think that pretty much guarantees I'm with who I'm meant to end up with. And you heard Wyatt when he and Chris came back from the future. He said Uncle Coop."

"Maybe your destiny was to marry Coop, but not stay with him. And you know the future is always changing. But, you still haven't negatively answered my question."

"When the future changed last time, your sons came back to fix it."

"That was because Wyatt lost his powers. Phoebe-"

"No! I can't love him, OK! He's gone. I wanted him out of my life and he is! I f I admit that now," Phoebe began to sob, "If I admit that now, I'll never get over it. And I can never have him back, so what does it matter! Do you want me to always hurt?"

Piper looked stung. "Of course not! I only want you to be happy. And if you don't really love Coop-"

Phoebe angrily rubbed the tears from her eyes. "Stop saying that! I love Coop! And if you don't mind, I'm going to go talk to my new husband. We still have final plans to make for our honeymoon!" She stomped out of the bedroom.

Paige turned to Piper, "She answered your question with can't. She never said didn't."

"I know. Because, although she thinks she's faced it and moved on, she hasn't. Reflecting on the past, feeling guilty, accepting it, even moving on, none of that erases her feelings."

"She is still in love with Cole," Paige realized. "Which means things probably aren't gonna go so well with the Cupid. Is she trying to catch up to Grams with those failed marriages or what?"

Piper didn't laugh at Paige's attempt to lighten the mood. She knew she was about to admit what she had been trying so hard to hide for more than a year. But it was time. It ma not change the circumstances, but now that she knew Phoebe felt the same, maybe they could both get some closure. "The sad thing is that he still loves her, too."

Paige stopped smiling. "Excuse me?"

"Cole exists, Paige. He still exists."