Pain

"She…?"

For a long moment, Mary just sat there, stunned. Then she ever so slowly and ever so carefully lifted her right arm and set it around the Ferasen. She didn't do anything, she just left it there and the Ferasen smiled at her, but it was sad. Filled with memory and pain.

"I don't know a lot about Catian or Ferasen, but I know you are not the same species." Mary said very slowly and both of the cat people nodded.

"We were once." The female reached down and pulled Mary's arm up until it surrounded her, letting Mary hug her. "Long ago, we were the same species. There were disagreements, schisms, wars. Religious, political, clan honor or whatever, we separated into factions that drifted further and further apart. In the end, my own people went the route of extreme genetic modification. There were all kinds of reasons why, maybe as many reasons as people who tried to come up with them, but again, in the end? It doesn't matter much. We were different, far too different to co-exist in harmony as peoples while close to one another. We split off and went our own way. We left Catian space and the Captain's people went their own way."

"I still do not understand how you…" Mary paused and then her eyes went huge. "No! Oh no!"

She knew what Nuna did and Ferasen were not members of the Federation. Indeed, many served the Klingon Empire who had been at war with the Federation up until 2410. She could not see this Ferasen submitting to anything Nuna did willingly. But… If the cat woman had been a prisoner and Nuna had access… Mary could see the doctor experimenting on prisoners of war. With her agency's connections, any who she killed would not be missed. So she could do anything. Anything at all.

"There was a genetic predisposition in every one of the Captain's people to a very bad disease." The Ferasen said softly as Mary fought hard not to cry again. "It is always fatal and almost 100% contagious without heroic measures. It was so bad that for most of Catian history, the only way to save the majority was to quarantine the sick until they perished, sometimes by force, and then incinerate the bodies. Entire cities perished. In one case I know of, an entire island cluster. Thousands of people. There is some question as to whether it was originally a biological or genetic weapon. I wouldn't put such past some of my ancestors. They were vicious as hell. To this day, it is considered an honor in some Ferasen clans to be thought such. I… I once thought such. I learned my lesson. Doctor Nuna taught me that lesson well."

"We learned any number of lessons, K'Mir." Captain R'Rollow said heavily. "And your people are hardly the only ones to act so. I might have acted the same way if 'the shoe had been on the other foot' as humans say."

"I doubt that." The look the Ferasen gave the Catian had Mary fight to keep from blushing! There was nothing subtle about her purr either.

"Don't embarrass her too badly, K'Mir. We have an appointment." The Captain said quietly and the Ferasen slumped.

"I know." The Ferasen did not react as Mary hugged her again. "I should be grateful for what we have had. But I wanted more. I still want more. I am not giving up and neither will you." That was not a suggestion. It was an order!

"You…" Mary froze as the captain looked away. "You know they will likely not appreciate your coming. They may kill you! And you accept that?"

"I am dead anyway. I have the disease, Mary." Captain R'Rollow said quietly. "My people called a word that translates approximately to 'Heaven's Wrath' in Standard. In ancient times, it was seen as divine punishment for sins. With Ssaak's medical wizardry among others, it is not contagious, but it is fatal. I have time, but not a lot."

"But if there is a cure…" Mary protested, only to pause as K'Mir gave her a warning squeeze.

"The doctor's 'cure' killed approximately one of K'Mir's people for every ten of mine that she saved." The captain said quietly and Mary felt horror dawn anew. "That is not happening. Not for me." When he met her eyes, the bleakness in them stunned her further. "I... I saw it first hand, what she did. There was a distress call that went off at a secure Federation facility and the Berkshire, my ship at the time, was the closest to respond. When we got there, we were warned off by a bunch of automated messages, but there was no reply from the facility itself. We scanned life signs in the facility and there was damage, so we boarded anyway."

"And got in shitload of hot water with Starfleet Intelligence." K'Mir snickered, but there was little humor there.

"Starfleet Intelligence knew. Federation Intelligence knew." R'Rollow said with a growl. "They knew what she was doing in there and did nothing. They covered it all up. Everything before and after. Lousy, lying sacks of monkey shit. I want nothing to do with them either. Drake and his scum can kiss my butt." Mary just sat and shook her head and R'Rollow continued. "If you are anything like I was when I got out of the Academy, Mary then I know you want Starfleet to be the heroes of the tale, but we were not. Are not. Not that day."

"I beg to disagree." K'Mir said with a growl that was almost pure lust! "I met a Starfleet hero that day."

"What happened?" Mary asked as K'mir relaxed a little. "I mean…"

"What happened, Mary, was that some beings are simply too dangerous to abuse. Certainly far to dangerous to leave in automated holding cells." R'Rollow scoffed. "Ferasen are high on that list." He smiled but again, no humor. "Someone who shall remain nameless got loose from her bonds, tore herself out a machine that was draining her bodily fluids, escaped from her cell, ripped a fairly important piece of computer hardware to pieces with nothing but her claws and then proceeded to rampage through the facility, looking for the doctor who had hurt her and so many others. I do not know how many Ferasen died in there, but there were hundreds of data entries in the one log I saw. Hundreds of names. She shouldn't have been able to get loose, but she was smart and motivated, that nameless one was." He smirked at K'Mir who made a face. "The computer she trashed was the holographic matrix network. All of the guards were photonic, you see."

"Oh." Mary stammered. Synthetic guards would not be susceptible to things like bribery or other ways prisoners had used to escape incarceration throughout history. Guards that were holograms couldn't even be poisoned or killed with physical attacks! "No way to influence them."

"No." R'Rollow agreed. "But it did little good when that nameless person got into the computer room and tore the systems apart physically. No more guards! That's m' girl." His grin was wide as K'Mir made a 'who me?' shrug but she was smiling wide. "She was badly injured by the room's defenses, but she did it all anyway. She was captured by one of the three flesh and blood staff a few minutes later. She was transported back to her cell and the machine waiting for her there, but the damage was done and the rest of her people who were coherent got loose. I don't blame them for what they did to the staff." R'Rollow said with a shrug as Mary stared at him in horror. "Lock me up and experiment on me and it would make me mad. Kill people like me in a clinic setting and it will make me even angrier. I am not even Ferasen and I would have gone berserk. I nearly did on seeing what I saw in there."

"I wouldn't blame them either. You survived." Mary hugged K'Mir again and the Ferasen smiled at her.

"Barely." K'Mir shook her head. "I wasn't coherent. Between fluid loss and the injuries, I was a mess. The machinery was designed to keep me alive long enough to drain me of what the doctor needed to make her 'cure' so I survived. But apparently the last of the staff who the others caught and killed managed to send a distress call before they killed him, which the Captain answered. By then, only seven of us were left, including me."

"And…" Mary stammered. "When you boarded, Captain R'Rollow, you found a bloodbath."

"I did." R'Rollow nodded, face severe. "At first I just thought 'Okay, Ferasen'. But the few survivors just lay down and did not resist when we came upon them. They didn't… They didn't have any will to fight left after they killed the ones who had hurt them. That shocked us all. We had fought Ferasen before. Ship to ship and hand to hand. It was war. Then I saw some of the equipment and my medic at the time did some scans. We went to K'Mir's cell and…" He swallowed hard. "What we found was beyond horrifying." He shook his head. "That word just doesn't do it justice. I took the seven survivors, including K'Mir here, back to the Berkshire and set course straight for Earth. I got in a lot of trouble, but it was worth it. Abusing prisoners is nothing new, but we were supposed to be better than that. Why it was done… Why she did what she did… The shame cuts deep. Still to this day it cuts deep into my personal honor. I cannot do it, K'Mir. I will not kill one of your kind to save my own life."

"We will find another way." K'Mir said sternly. "I am looking for other ways. You will not give up." Again, an order!

"No." Mary hugged K'Mir again and rose to her feet to step forward to where the captain sat. "You will not give up." She held out a hand behind herself to K'Mir. She felt the Ferasen take it and then stride to stand beside her. "You are coming with us." She said to K'Mir who stiffened. "You have suffered and I am sorry for that, but the Iconians will not judge you for being abused. They can help the Captain."

"Mary, I fought them hard during the War. We all did." Captain R'Rollow said slowly. "No quarter was asked or given. They won't help me."

"Yes, they will. War is the worst thing I have studied." Mary said quietly and both cat people eyed her. "I have never been in one that I know of, but I do know pain and loss. I know most of the basics of what happened. Iconia was devastated, the few who escaped swore vengeance. They changed themselves and their Heralds to be weapons instead of guardians and guides. I do not know what I am. I do not know if they will accept me or not. What I do know is that if I ask in the right way for a boon, even as some kind of fake or trick or liar…. They will do what I ask. They may not be polite, but they won't hurt you if I ask for them to help you in a proper Iconian way. They haven't lost all shreds of civilization or they never would have accepted an end to most of the fighting when the Others returned the World Heart to them." She sighed. "T'Ket is lost to her vengeance, but L'Miren and the rest are not, or she would have slain the Others when they went to her ship. When they returned the Heart."

"What else do you know about that?" K'Mir asked as she laid an arm around Mary's shoulders.

"Not much." Mary admitted. "I know there were three groups. A Klingon team, a Romulan team and a Federation team. I know time travel was involved, somehow. Beyond that? Nothing. I don't even know how many were in each group. Considering the amount of abuse that was thrown on me simply for looking Iconian… I can only imagine how they were treated by the masses. After all, why not the hate people who gave the Iconians what they wanted, no matter that it ended the war."

"Everyone wanted what actually happened swept under the rug." The Captain said quietly. "The war was over and only an idiot thought we had a chance to 'teach them manners' or anything. Demanding anything from them would have not ended well. They outclassed us entirely and it was pure chance we won at all. The surviving Iconians got what they wanted and retreated to Iconia to grieve and eventually rebuild. I do not know what happened to you or why. I do know that the Others simply wanted to go back to what they had been before and they couldn't. Too much had changed. Too much had been lost. They were needed as a group, but… Not as the Others. As you say, many people thought they had 'surrendered' or such silliness. They ended the war. No more, no less."

"Wizard's First Rule." Mary muttered and paused when K'Mir laughed! She looked at the Ferasen who was chuckling under her breath. The Captain looked confused, but the Ferasen was deeply amused. Mary tilted her head in query. "You read it?"

"Yes. 'people are stupid'. I read all of the 'Sword of Truth' eventually." K'Mir replied, hugging Mary again. "Not all were as good. Goodkind was a fairly good writer and I had lots of time to read and think while I recovered. I had grown up one way, a warrior and nothing more. But then in that horrible place, I had my eyes opened rather forcibly. Both by what happened to me and then by my clan's reaction to it. They cast me out, you see. For being captured and not killing myself to expunge the dishonor, I am forever tainted in their eyes." She shrugged as Mary stared at her, horrified anew. 'Yes, they will kill me if they ever get the chance. Hence one reason the Captain kept me close. Well, one reason of several." She looked at the captain who frowned. "She can handle it."

"I get that you are mated, even if it does boggle the mind." Mary kept her tone light and K'Mir smiled at her. "Do I have need to know?"

"Yes." The Captain said softly. "You deserve to know, just as she did. I would have preferred K'Mir finding out any other way, but as always, Nuna had to be an arrogant fool. She had to press."

"You beat the shit out of her." K'Mir replied off hand and Mary stared at her. "I would have preferred her dead, but I am not going to say that watching her blood splattered carcass drag itself out of the quarters you assigned me wasn't satisfying. Hearing that your security chief threw her bodily off the ship was even more so. Now, if only it had been the undocked airlock and she had been spaced, but I guess that Federation Spacedock would have objected to her body floating through it." Mary stared at the Ferasen. "When his ship docked at Earth, she came right onto his ship without permission, came to the quarters where he had me ensconced and tended me himself since all of the medical berths were filled with people hurt far worse than I was. She demanded me. I was barely conscious, still weak and sick. He was kind and patient even when I ranted and threatened him." She looked a little embarrassed. "I think I threw a bedpan at him at least once. I don't remember and he won't say." Mary looked at the captain who did not react. "I couldn't move, much less defend myself and then she was there, staring at me as if I were a bug under her microscope. I never even had time to feel fear. He came in, beat her down and kicked her several times. Then he extended his claws and told her that if he ever saw her again, he would rip her throat out. From that day until the ship was lost, I stayed on his ship, being tended by his medical staff at first and then finding a place, a purpose among them. I don't know how he did it, but technically, I was a member of Starfleet after the first few weeks, if a very irregular one. He promised to protect me and he did. I knew right then as he beat that evil witch that I had found my future mate." She smiled at Mary's look of disbelief. "He took some convincing."

"I bet." Mary smiled but then shook her head. "I get that she was, is, a black operation agent of Federation Intelligence, but marching onto a Stafleet ship in time of war without permission is stupid. I assume your ship was not large?"

"Berkshire was a heavily modified Akira class starship. An escort, not a ship of the line." R'Rollow shrugged. "We were always shorthanded. We had a hundred and forty three crew aboard at the time. Most of whom were busy running the ship. Medical was packed solid, hence why I had K"Mir in guest officer quarters. She was weak, but not critical like several of the others. We made sure to have good medical equipment there. I thought she would be safe. Silly me. I had the codes all changed after that and kept them changing regularly. K'Mir helped."

"It was my hide on the line as well as yours. Especially after my clan cut all ties. You showed honor and courage and I knew what I wanted. Federation, Starfleet, KDF, all of that could go hang. You were mine." K'Mir replied. "Tell her." Mary stared at the Ferasen and then at the Catian who nodded.

"There is no easy way to say this, Mary." R'Rollow said heavily. "Nuna was my sister." Mary stilled and she knew her face held shock. "She was third in the litter I was born to. I was seventh. We shared the same parents until I disclosed her crimes to my people. She was always arrogant from as far back as I can remember, but there were limits. There are rules for a reason and she broke them. Broke them hard. Catian may not like Ferasen, and vice versa but there are limits. She was cast out and more. Any member of my clan will kill her if we see her again. Most Catian will hurt her at the very least. The only reason she was released instead of executed when she tried to plead her case before our elders was that she succeeded. A hundred and three kits live today because of what she did. We will never know how many Ferasen prisoners she killed making her cure. The few records I managed to get were frustratingly incomplete and the rest of my team were all far too busy trying to save lives to do data searches. Knowing them? The data had probably been trapped to keep people form such. When the Federation investigated the facility again, it was gone. Utterly gone. No sign that it had ever existed at all, just bare rock."

"They do like their secrets, don't they?" Mary said slowly. Then she gave herself a shake and hugged K'Mir again. "If I can help, I will. I owe your Captain for the ride at the very least and you, K'Mir? You have been far kinder than I would have expected one of your race to be."

"I know the evil one's touch, Mary." K'Mir said quietly. "I am not as I was. I am broken, lost as a warrior. But as R'Rollow's mate? I have purpose. Outside of select company, even on this ship, I have to be the Wing Commander. Hard, stern and merciless. But here? Now? I can be myself. The being I remade with my mate's help. I know what that witch does and I know it hurts you even if as you say, you do not feel pain."

"If I get a grip on her, I will fry her." Mary promised. "For me and for you."

"Good girl." K'Mir smiled wide and then stepped away. Mary let her go. The cat woman stood up straighter and her face blanked as a chime sounded.

"Yes?" R'Rollow asked as Mary sat back on her bed, quiet.

Amet'a's voice replied. Calm, but worry lay underneath.

"We have arrived at Iconia, Captain."