Boo! (sniggers) I'm back and I don't own lord of the rings, no matter what you think.
I'll just update you on what happened. Frodo and Sam are looking for a house and they can't find their estate agent. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE FIRST PART OF THE ESTATE AGENT OF HOUSES AND CHEESY GRINS GALORE, GO AND READ IT OR YOU WILL BE CONFUSED! I'M WARNING YOU! GO FIND IT! Please?
Pippin: hello! Before we carry on with the search of Frodo and Sam for their local
Estate agent, we have story time for all you little kiddies out there! You should be in
bed and not watching gay hobbits looking for a bed to share!
(Camera focuses on Gimli. Cheesy grin.)
Gimli: hello little children! Settle down and listen to the story I have for you today!
It's a love story today that I wrote myself! Hope you like it kiddies!
(Opens book. Merry and Harry potter are acting out the scene.)
Merry: hi! Right now I'm playing Gimli!
Harry: and right now I'm playing Legolas! (to the side) why am I here?
Merry: but it's just a story kiddies, although it has a subliminal message!
Merry: oh Leggy! I'm so upset!
Harry: oh Gimli! Why?
Merry: because I'm all alone! Hint, hint!
Harry; oh Gimli! I'll love you forever!
(Real Legolas comes on.)
Legolas: hey Gimli! Are you trying to tell me something?
(Cut back to pippin.)
Pippin: and now for today's emails! One from Mr. R. Weasly, the burrow, St
Catchpole. Hello Mr Catchpole! Anyway it reads, (squints at paper) plez can you tell
hairy? Huh? Oh, that I lurv him and that he is rally fit. Ok.
(random person throws a new cheesy grin to him. Pippin quickly replaces his old
one.)
Pippin: another email, this one from anoymomous. It reads, dear pip, I'm too shy to
tell you face to face, I love you, please meet me outside the reen dragon tonight.
(Pippin looks up at camera.) sure Merry. See, I knew it was you! Ha! (puts aside
emails.) At last Frodo and Sam's local estate agent has been found! He has sent
Saruman and Ringwraith Captain Wraithy to show the newly weds the houses he has
found for them. Let's see what's happening!
(cuts to Saruman, Boromir and Captain Wraithy.)
Boromir: (still with cheesy grin of course) thank you Pip-de-pip! And now Captain
Wraithy! What will this delightful house (turns to Minas Morgul. Camera speeds
down to where a little house is by the side of it.) huh, delightful little house going to
cost Frodo and Sam?
(holds out microphone. Wraithy doesn't say anything.)
Boromir: come on Wraithy, you know you want to!
Saruman: I will speak for my friend. In pounds, this costs £29999.99. in dollars it
costs $29989.99.
Boromir: why does it cost less in America?
Saruman: you can get anything at a cheap price over there.
Boromir: ok, next house!
(camera cuts to a house in the middle of Osgiliath, tiny and made out of blocks from
Osgiliath.)
Saruman: this is a lovely sort of design, simple but nice.
Boromir: and how much is this?
Saruman: in pounds it is £17679.99 in dollars it-
Boromir: pounds'll do fine. (whispers) I need a new cheesy grin.
Voice off screen: ok.
(cheesy grin is thrown. Boromir disappears and the scene jumps to him complete with
cheesy grin again.)
Boromir: why is this particular house so much cheaper than the first one?
Ringwraith: location.
Boromir; excuse me? Being closer to Mordor is better than being closer to Gondor!
Are you discriminating against Gondor? What's wrong with Gondor?
Saruman: it's full of transvestites.
(Boromir launches himself at Saruman still with cheesy grin. Screen wobbles and cuts
to Boromir glaring at Saruman and Wraithy. He notices camera and readjusts his
cheesy grin.)
Boromir: anyway, next house!
(camera cuts to a house built on top of a Rohirrim burial mound)
Boromir: isn't that a bit disrespectful to the dead?
(Theoden appears waving his arms with his nightshirt stuck over his head)
Theoden: yah! Yah! (flails at Boromir. Boromir flinches away.)
Boromir: eww. What the hell?
(Eowyn and Eomer garb Theoden and start towing him away.)
Eomer: sorry we're trying to keep him locked up.
Eowyn: (eyes up Boromir.) Gandalf turned down his proposal of marriage.
(Boromir returns the eyeing up.)
Eomer: it kinda sent him a bit cuckoo. And quit eyeing my sister up!
Boromir: she started it! (Boromir slaps Eowyn's butt anyway.)
Eowyn: I'm yours forever!
Eomer: (dragging her away.) come on Eowyn.
Theoden: mmf. Mmmf. Resist Theodred! Don't let them sleep on top of you!
Boromir: crazy old man. Anyway. (cheesy grin) how much is this house? In pounds?
Ringwraith: only just built this.
Boromir: I can tell.
Ringwraith: not sure. Whaddaya say Sarry?
Saruman: stupid Rohirrim, er, £15999.99
Boromir: ok, why always 99p?
Saruman: we like that number. You gotta problem with that?
Boromir: no-
Ringwraith: he's discriminating against 99p! get him! Hey, my voice has come back!
(another fight. Camera cuts to same scene without fight.)
Boromir: so, (cheesy grin) those are the three lovely houses Frodo and Sam get to
choose from. Hey what's the name of their local estae agent's then?
Voice: HAS SAURON GOT HOUSES 4 U!
Frodo and Sam: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Love everyone! I know it sucks, you should read my CSI NY fic , it's loads better.