If you sell your soul to me, I will write you good reviews. Mwahahahahahaha…

Disclaimer: I don't own Biggs and Wedge or FFVIII or anything in it. They belong to Square. Actually… I do own the waitress and the train robber, don't I? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chapter Four: Unfortunate

Life was good. Cliff and Garrett, formerly Biggs and Wedge, had just made their last payment for the fishing boat, and were now making money solely for themselves. No one recognized them as one of the Galbadian forces that invaded the city. Unfortunately, though, life was also slightly unpredictable with Cliff. Just the other day, the two comrades had an encounter with a rather disgruntled woman. "Hey! Watch where you're going, you boneheads!" she shouted.

"Bonehead! Let me tell you something, miss. The only human beings I take insults from are my parents! And you're definitely not them. For one thing, you're too ugly to procreate!" shouted Cliff. Automatically, Garrett braced himself for something very unpleasant.

"You SOB! If your mom was pretty, I definitely don't see any resemblance. I bet I could get more action than her!" shouted the woman. By now, a small crowd had gathered around them. Garrett feigned a sneeze. "-sneeze- bitch!"

"What did you call me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must be allergic to bitches."

At that comment, the woman gritted her teeth. Her eyebrows raised in fury and her eyes blazed with rage. Her nostrils flared like a bull ready to charge. Garrett thought she looked a little like a crossover between a circus and a horror movie. The woman punched Cliff right in the face, hard. And with that, she was avenged. She began to walk away. From the ground, Cliff shouted at her. "You crazy bitch! You punch like a man!" The woman stopped in her tracks. She turned around with a look that would have struck fear in Sammael himself, and started to walk, very quickly, at them. With newfound strength born of terror, Garrett picked up his friend and ran far, far away. "Sorry, I just remembered that we have an appointment somewhere! Gotta go, bye!"

It turns out that the woman was wearing a ring when she punched him. Cliff had trouble shaving for the next few days.

o—o

Cliff was feeling much better today. His wound from the woman had finally healed, and it was Friday. He had just gotten off the fishing boat, and Wedge was off selling their catch for the day to the shops around the area. When they are finally finished today, he could go home and relax. Suddenly, he heard a high pitched squeal. "Wow! This place looks so much cooler than before!" said a very cheerful girl with a yellow dress and gravity-defying hair. She noticed him looking at her and she bounced towards him like a rubber ball made of sugar. "Hey! You look kinda familiar. Have I seen you somewhere before? You're really cute," she said.

Cliff broke out in cold sweat. Crap! It's that girl from Garden! He thought. "Run, Wedge! We've been found out!" shouted Cliff before he belly-flopped in the ocean.

Before she could react, another man ran past her and also jumped, butt first, into the water. "I'm coming, sir!" shouted Garrett. He made a big splash.

Who were those people? Pondered Selphie before she wandered off somewhere else.

o—o

Biggs and Wedge were now on the way to Timber. "Oh, well. At least we're back to being Biggs and Wedge again," said Wedge. When they got on the train, Biggs immediately started ordering drinks again. "Hey, it's you again!" said Biggs to the waitress. As soon as she saw him, she walked away and quit her job. Nothing was worth having to deal with hooligans like that.

"What's her problem?" wondered Biggs, "Anyway, I guess since we're going to Timber, we're going to have to start over again. Oh, well, at least we still have some money." Biggs stretched out comfortably on his seat and awaited their arrival. Wedge sighed. "Know what, sir? Sometimes I feel like we're going to die as wanderers, or as victims of murder, or get crushed by something. Then again, I can't really tell when I'm following you around," he said. Biggs grinned sheepishly at his friend.

Timber was not what they had expected. They had always thought of it as a rebellious region full of crime and turmoil. Instead, they arrived at a peaceful, quiet little city of a grayish green color. It seemed like you could lie down on the cobbled streets and not get run over. "Oh, hey! There's a souvenir shop! Cool! Hey, Wedge, look at this!" said Biggs excitedly.

"Sir, those places are just scams to swindle the money of dumb tourists," said Wedge.

Biggs wasn't listening. He was enthralled like Irvine at a gun show with supermodels as saleswomen. Then a particular item caught his eye. "Hey! What's this?" he asked. It was a silvery gray feather, with a strange quality about it. "Don't know," said the old woman, "it was found after the big earthquake about a year ago."

"How much do you want for it?" asked Biggs.

"1000 gil."

"Done."

"Sir!" said Wedge.

"Aw, lighten up, Wedge. It's cool. See how cool it looks in my hair!" As soon as he touched it, he felt a rush of…something and a brief image of what looked like…a lion? "Whoa, head rush." Dismissing it as the beer he had on the train, Biggs proceeded to pick it up and stick it on his head, looking like a Kuja wannabe.

"No offense, sir, but you look like a dork. And you'd better hope that thing has a GF in it, or you just got seriously ripped off."

Biggs slapped him from behind the head. "Ow!"

"Don't talk to your ex-superior officer like that! If we were still in the army, I would have docked your pay."

"I thought we weren't doing that superior officer thing anymore…" mumbled Wedge sullenly. Biggs started to walk away. Seeing as he had no other choice, Wedge followed. They spent the day looking for a job, and ended up as guards at the town entrance.

"Don't worry, Wedge. This is just a temporary job. After this, we'll never have to wear uniforms again," said Biggs.

"Somehow I doubt that."

For three weeks they spent their days getting paid for standing and doing nothing, which, considering what they've had to do before, wasn't such a bad thing. With their luck, however, tranquility never lasts. Timber had a tourist shop, which meant there had to be a tourist somewhere. "Excuse me," said a young man, who looked to be about seventeen, and very rich. Wedge looked around. "Yes?" he said.

"Are you guards for the town entrance?"

"Yes, how may we help you?"

"Well, I've only been here for a day, but this city is so fascinating. Could you perhaps tell me about its history?"

"I don't know anything about it," said Wedge.

"Well surely you know something. Nobody's that clueless."

"Sorry, no. We just moved here."

"Oh, come now. Tell me."

"He told you he doesn't know anything!" said Biggs, who just wanted to be left alone. Having the townspeople stare at him was embarrassing enough. Now he had to deal with this loser.

"I see. Do you know anything?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"You're lying."

"Look, what do you want? A friggin' fairy tale? Fine! Timber was a happy little city-state for hundreds of years. Then Galbadia came and kicked its ass. And nobody lived happily ever after. The end," said Biggs impatiently, scowling.

The young man huffed in indignation. "How rude! I've met people like you before. And if it weren't for them, the world would be much better off."

"Aargh! I didn't quit the Galbadian army for this crap!" yelled Wedge. Of course, since this was Timber, everyone was a member of the resistance, and everyone heard. They looked at Biggs and Wedge. "Get them!" one of them said.

"Oops."

Soon almost the entire city was after them, angry, yelling, and wielding flaming torches and pitchforks of unknown origin. "I'm sorry sir," panted Wedge as he ran.

"No big deal. You had to make a mistake like that sometime. I rub off on people."

Somehow they had ended up back in the city, and as they turned a corner they met another crowd charging at them. "Crap!" said Biggs.

"Okay. This time, we're really gonna die," said Wedge.

"I love you Wedgie," said Biggs.

"Uh huh" was Wedge's reply. As the mob closed in on them, Biggs shouted, "Argh! I don't wanna die!"

There was a flash from the feather as something completely unexpected happened. A white beam of light shot down from the sky and hit the ground. Three seconds after it faded away a dark lion erupted from where the light once was. Griever had risen.

o—o

Okay. Done for now. Please review. Cliffhanger! I wanted to make Selphie say "Boyaka!" and "Super-duper-mega-bummer!", but I couldn't fit it in. Square-Enix is horrible! Bring back Squaresoft!