She was a girl. She was Mimi's girl. Mimi's little girl. She was a delicate little bundle, with eyes so deep an indigo that they were like the sky above New York at night, with hands so small that they were like the palms of a little frog. She had a dusting of jet black hair just like her mother's on the crown of her head. She had kissable rosebud lips and a button nose. When she cried, real tears fell out of her pretty eyes onto her fuming pink cheeks. She was perfect. She was absolutely perfect.
And her name was Hope.
The doctor took the new parents through the particulars. Little Hope would be put on anti-viral medication and be tested for HIV in 2 months, 6 months, and 12 months so they could know for sure if she was infected. Mimi tried not to listen. The thought of her sweet angel dying made her sick. Her breasts ached to feed Hope, but she knew she couldn't. Not with HIV. She would have to be formula fed…Mimi hated that. Babies grew up smarter if they were breast fed. Or at least that's what her baby books all said. She wanted Hope to go to college…maybe play the cello. The doctor assured her that there were plenty of cellists who ate formula as babies.
When the doctors at last let Hope live outside of the incubator, Mimi held her constantly. There were nurses offering to hold her or take her back to the nurse's station for a time while Mimi napped, but she would refuse and refuse until the stubborn nurses brought in a doctor who would order the baby to be taken away so that her mother could rest. Mimi fell in love with her. She fell totally and completely in love with her and could not fathom for even a moment that she could live without her sweet baby always by her side. She couldn't believe she'd even thought about giving her up. It hurt to think about the time she almost had the abortion…then this sweet child would not be here today and Mimi's life would not be worth living.
Roger melted at the very sight of the mother and daughter together for the very first time. At Mimi's urging, he picked the little bundle up from her arms and marveled at the tiny perfection of her exquisite features.
"What if I drop her?" he thought out loud, cupping her little head in his large hand as carefully as he could and rocking her gently.
"You won't drop her," Mimi assured him calmly.
"But she's so fragile." Roger tried not to think something like that, but his generally pessimistic mind wavered a bit.
"I know."
"She's…" a single tear rolled down his cheek. "She's beautiful. She's so beautiful." He stared at his daughter.
His mind was a mess. He was filled with the strangest most wonderful poetic thoughts any father could ever hope for. He was thinking, She makes me want to be the best I can for her and for Mimi and for myself. I foresee and await the endless tantrums and finger paintings and diaper rashes and goofy smiles. She will learn how to walk. She will say a first word. She will watch me kiss her mother and she will watch her mother smile. She will cry. A lot. She may love a boy called Peter. Or Sergio. Okay, forget Sergio. She will rebel against me. She may even hate me someday. But in the end she will love me as much as I— and her mother and our friends— love her. She's my daughter. She's my Hope.
He came out of his trance and was shaking. He smiled. A brilliant sheen was in his eyes that hadn't been there before.
"Do you love her?" Mimi pressed, even though she already knew the answer.
"I love her so much." Roger leaned down and kissed Mimi, and then placed Hope tenderly back into her arms. "I only wish that I could watch her grow up, you know?"
Mimi thought for a moment. She wouldn't live to see her get married or have children of her own…there was no way. She wouldn't even live to see her prom. But Hope would have a prom. She would get married. She would have babies. And so much more. "The only thing that matters is that she will grow up," she said.
He smiled. "You're right." He looked down at the baby and then back to Mimi. "I love you." He wished now he could say something that would sum up how much he really cared about Mimi and their child, but he knew that those three little words had told her enough. Everything he could ever need was right there in front of him. Life was perfect, and filled with hope.
Yes, I know there's an actress named Hope Davis. A friend of mine pointed that out to me after I wrote the chapter. Oh well. Parts were inspired by Phillipa Gregory. And I used one of the lines in my other Rent story, 'Ana's Bed Time.' The one that said "she will grow up." I reused it because I thought it was a good message…yeah. You should read the story…hehe…cough. Oh, and sorry it was a short chapter, but it got my point across. Review or face my wrath. Grrrr.