Well, there's not much to say so I'll just get to the disclaimer: I don't own the Garden, Dr. Kadowaki, Rinoa, Raijin, Fujin, Seifer, or anyone else. I wish I owned Biggs and Wedge, but that's just a pipe dream, sadly.

Chapter Seven: Community Service?

"Well, you're lucky they ain't dead! Otherwise I'd personally tear you two apart, never mind the Hippocratic oath!" said an extremely irritated Dr. Kadowaki. Biggs and Wedge flinched at the wrath in her voice, still traumatized at how roughly and painfully she had bandaged them up.

"DAMAGE?" asked Fujin in her usual concise manner.

"Well, Zell's fine other than slight head trauma and temporary amnesia and delirium from an electrical shock to the face. The others weren't so lucky though. Quistis, Selphie, and Squall each have varying amounts of cracked ribs, broken noses, burns, puncture wounds, slash wounds, fractured bones, not to mention a whole lotta cuts and bruises."

"Wow. That's gotta be, like, really painful, ya know?" said Raijin.

"Yeah, well, as for the two idiots from Galbadia, they have minor cuts and bruises, some after effects of Bad Breath, the fat one's got minor burns on his posterior, and they stink. They'll live, unfortunately."

"Hey! We only smell because Blondie over there decided to open her mouth and breathe toxic tuna breath fumes all over us. And I am not fat! There's got to be a better way to say that!" complained Biggs.

"Corpulent?" supplied Wedge, earning himself a sharp slam to the noggin.

"So, what are we gonna do with the doofuses, ya know?"

"Give them an award for finally fulfilling an order eight months after it was given," came a voice in the doorway.

"SEIFER!"

"Ah! It's that kid who was always bossing us around!" said Biggs.

Seifer stalked slowly into the infirmary, a feral grin on his face. "You know, Squall is almost adorable when he's badly injured. I kind of like him this way. Still, we have to deal with these two."

"COMMUNITY SERVICE."

Everyone's heads turned to stare at her inquisitively. Fujin sighed and kicked Raijin in the shins. "RAIJIN. EXPLAIN."

"Uh, I think she means that since they beat up the leaders of Garden, ya know, then they should pay for it by helping out around the Garden, ya know."

"Hmm, that's actually a pretty good idea," said Dr. Kadowaki.

"Fine, just don't give Biggs cafeteria duty unless you want to induce mass diarrhea," said Wedge.

Biggs just glared at him. They were hurling so many insults at him that he decided to just sit and sulk. What is wrong with the malicious meanies anyway?

"You …"

"What?"

"Rectal orifices."

o—o

Biggs wondered just who this Irvine guy was. Apparently he was some hotshot sharpshooter from Galbadia Garden. Apparently, he also didn't do anything but flirt. So how was helping a womanizer do nothing supposed to be community service again? On second thought, it didn't sound half that bad; free food and a place to sleep just for goofing off? Heck, he's not complaining.

o—o

Wedge was terrified. Apparently, this Rinoa girl was the infamous Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly: Rinoa who survived encounters with three of the most powerful sorceresses in history; Rinoa who inherited Sorceress Adel's powers; Rinoa who inherited Sorceress Edea's powers, who in turn first received it from a dying Ultimecia; Rinoa who was the clingy girlfriend of Squall Leonhart, the guy he and Biggs just almost killed. No, she would not be pleased to see him. Oh God, what if she turned him into a frog and ate him? He's heard of powerful sorceresses able to transform people into animals and animate badass statues. What if she…

"Hi, I'm Rinoa. Are you Wedge?"

"Ah…um, yes ma'am"

Wedge gulped. Sorceresses were a smart bunch. Maybe she was just toying with him until she fused him to the ceiling.

"Cool! Let me get this straight. You get to be my slave for a day?"

Oh, no. So that's what she was planning: mind control!

"Err… That's not how they put it, but yeah, I guess you could say that…ma'am."

The sorceress giggled. "You're so courteous. You're kinda like Squall, except nicer and less angsty."

Wedge was starting to sweat. Any time now…

"Let's go watch the ocean!"

What? Is that some kind of sorceress slang for drown and despair in a sea of your own blood? Before he could respond, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away.

o—o

"Wow! I can't believe it worked!" said Biggs, ecstatic.

"I told you. A lot of the girls here love the jock look, especially if you play it right," said Irvine.

"Kid, you're awesome. I haven't gotten so many numbers since I was a private, before all the women in Deling City found out I wasn't actually that cool."

"Yeah, that slight gut you have really convinced them that you used to be a linebacker for the G-Garden football team."

"Hey!"

Biggs was really happy, despite the fat joke that Irvine kid just made. He wondered how Wedge was doing. Then he realized his best friend was stuck with the sorceress whose friends they just beat up. Oh, crap. She was probably boiling his intestines right now to make human haggis and was probably force-feeding it to him! If she takes Wedge's liver he'll never be able to get drunk with him at 2 AM ever again! Biggs sprinted down the hall, frantically searching for his friend.

"Don't worry Wedge! I'm coming!"

"Hey! Where are you going? What's gotten into him?" shouted Irvine as he chased after the man.

o—o

"So you're really not mad at me?" asked Wedge. They were at the balcony of the Garden, watching the seagulls fly across the sky, the oceans reflecting its vast blueness.

"No. That Biggs guy was the one who almost killed him. I'm going to scratch his eyeballs out if I ever see him."

"He's not that bad, actually. He's loud, impulsive, bad-tempered, a little stupid sometimes, and he gets really bad ideas, but generally he's a pretty nice guy. And as twisted as it sounds, he only wanted revenge. I mean your friends did beat us up twice. We were stuck in shabby hospitals for months after that. And I swear the doctors never washed their hands."

"Hmm. I'm still going to defend Squall's honor."

Wedge sighed. "I was afraid of that…"

"By the way, I heard rumors from the people in FH that you used some kind of guardian force to beat Squall, which is funny because I thought that we had all the GFs."

Before Wedge could respond a hyperinflated Biggs burst through the metal door, followed by a breathless Irvine. "Leave him alone, you sadistic witch!"

"What?"

"Sir, everything's fine," said Wedge.

"Really? You mean she hasn't turned you into haggis?"

"Eww! That's gross! I would never do that! Who are you anyway?" said Rinoa.

"I'm Biggs."

"So you're the one! Pain!"

Before Biggs could react, he was struck with Darkness, Silence, and Poison. He collapsed to the floor, writhing in agony.

"That's what you get for hurting my Squally-Wally! Hai-ya!"

With an Amazon war screech, she descended on him like an angry cat, scratching and clawing. Wedge! Help me! thought Biggs as loudly as he could. Unfortunately, Wedge wasn't telepathic. Fortunately, Wedge was enough of a friend to attempt to pull her off of him, earning himself a few scratches in the face. Irvine just stood by and watched. He was smart enough to know never to mess with an angry female. Besides, he was still breathless from that little run he had with Biggs through the Garden. He did have the heart to use a Remedy on Biggs, though.

"That'll teach you to mess with my knight in leather armor!" huffed Rinoa, sated for the moment.

"Urgh…" was all Biggs could manage.

"We better get you to the infirmary, sir."

o—o

Wow, I managed to make it interesting again. Yay! My spell check tried to turn Raijin into a raisin and Ultimecia into multimedia. I got the fat Biggs idea from my friend Jeffrey. He's been putting on weight since 11th grade. I make fun of him for it, then he punches me in the arm and it hurts because I'm weak like a moogle.