Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.
Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. There is also a character death on screen and references to other deaths. Feel free to back out if need be.
Author's Note: Dude, I don't even know anymore. It's shark week and I just wanted to kill someone. Umbridge fit the bill nicely. I don't know what happened with everything else.
Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts (Term 15); MC4A (Year 4)
Individual Challenges: Hufflepuff MC; Gryffindor MC (x3); Magical MC (x5); Ship Sails; Small Fry; Hold the Mayo; Short Jog; Bucket Listing (Y); Old Shoes (Y)
House: Slytherin
Assignment No.: Term 15 – Assignment 04
Subject (Task No.): Public Services (Task#3: Write about someone in a position of authority.)
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Yearly Scavenger Hunt [76](Soulmate AU w/ NOTP); 365 [227](Soulmates AU); Fantastic Beasts [78](Revenge); Auction [D22-A4](Delores Umbridge)
Other MC4A Challenges: Ship (Star Petal; Moon Petal; Thorns)[Bingo (3C - If the Shoe Fits)]; Chim [Loride] (Royal Purple; Gender Bend; Thieves/Assassins AU); Fire (Spleen to Me); Garden [Ship Ahoy!](Thorns)
Representation(s): Soulmate AU; Fem Sirius Black/Dolores Umbridge (Soulmates); Fem Sirius Black/Remus Lupin/Lily Evans/James Potter; Marauder Polycule w/ baby Harry
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: n/a
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: HoSE (Schooner; Keen); LiCK (Amaranth)
Word Count: 1585 words
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Vanished
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Dolores Umbridge considered herself a very patient person. After all, she had been waiting most of her life for her soulmate. Unfortunately, her timer had stopped ticking on the very first day of her very first year at Hogwarts, right around the time that all of the first-years had been gathered together in the annex room off of the Great Hall. She had no way of knowing which of the other students had been her soulmate.
She kept a close eye on all of her yearmates. One of them had to be her soulmate. But not a single one of them seemed to be interested in her at all. Admittedly, who would have been interested in a quiet Hufflepuff from an unexceptional (but very pure-blood) family? Especially when her year also held one of the biggest feuding groups to pass through the hallow halls of Hogwarts since the Founders themselves? Sometimes, she was surprised that Hogwarts was still standing when her group had graduated instead of being brought down by the Marauders fighting with the proper purebloods.
Worst of the whole lot had been Zeta Black. The Gryffindor had had everything that Dolores had wanted all her life. Zeta had been born into one of the most prestigious pure-blood families, but she insisted on hanging out with half-bloods and mudbloods. She had been blessed with a classic beauty that was the perfect ideal of femininity, but she threw it all away to take up a beater's bat on top of dressing in men's clothing. Then she had thumbed her nose at pure-blood traditions by running away when she should have taken up the betrothal contract with the Malfoy heir that her cousin had broken.
Zeta Black infuriated Dolores almost as much as mongrels and mudbloods did.
Working at the Ministry after Hogwarts, Dolores had to work twice as hard as other people to get ahead. While a pureblood, she did not have the connections that typically went along with that. The Umbridges were a very minor family. They did not have any inventions or discoveries to their name, nor did they have any wealth or titles. Their familial magic did not even have a focus to it. That lack of reputation made it very hard to pass the bills which would make the magical world a better place by cleaning up the unfortunate infestations that just continued spreading like plagues.
As if her troubles at work were not enough of a burden, she had not made any headway on either finding her soulmate or in find a husband outside of the blessing of destiny. Despite Dolores' adherence to pure-blood traditions, no one approached her parents with interest to even court her, let alone responded favorably when she dared to approach them. No matter how much she loved them, she had no interest in ending up alone and surrounded by kneazles.
As if to mock her troubles, Zeta Black got caught in a scandalous affair with both James Potter and the mudblood he had sullied his pure blood with. There were even rumors that another of their friends, Remus Lupin (a half-blood who was rumored to be secretly disfigured), was also involved. Part of the scandal was questioning the potential paternity of the newborn Potter heir. Dolores suspected that the mudblood had whored herself out to too many people to every find the brat's father. How she had even convinced a Potter to saddle himself with her permanently was a real question in Dolores' mind.
Personally, Dolores suspected a love potion had been involved.
She was contemplating if she wanted to use the same tactic or not as she did a final proof on yet another draft of her Werewolf Registration Act. It was a pet project that she had been trying to get passed for the last few years. Even after being appointed as the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, she still hadn't been able to actually get it to the floor for the Wizengamot to vote on it.
But Albus Dumbledore had agreed to make sure it got voted on at the session at the end of the week. While that might have surprised some people, Umbridge knew enough about politics to know which way the Chief Warlock's votes tended to go. He had always supported tighter regulations on any kind of magical creature. Oh, he had the reputation of being a strong ally to the beasts that could masquerade as human, but at the end of the day, Albus Dumbledore would always be a Dumbledore. His father knew what needed to be done to keep their world safe from discovery. Albus clearly took after Percival.
Hm. There was a thought. Society at large would be more than willing to overlook their age differences if it looked like there would actually be another generation of such an prestigious House. It should be simple enough to slip him the necessary potion, too. She would need to verify that there was nothing in his preferred tea and preparation that would counter the Amorentia.
Dolores screamed as she turned to grab the reference book she would need to do so and saw that someone had managed to slip through her wards without her noticing they were there. Then she frowned severely and placed her fists on each hip. The person who had chosen to invade her office so late at night was none other than Zeta Black.
Like always, she was clad in some ridiculous outfit that only had a passing nod towards honoring the witch's femininity. This time it was black denim trousers that were tucked into muggle combat boots and a black muggle pullover shirt with short sleeves and the image of a royal purple eggplant propped up between a pair of ripe peaches. The peaches were placed right over Zeta's breasts (which Dolores noticed were flatter than normal, just not their normal generous spheres), and the stem of the eggplant dangled down towards the witch's crotch.
It was unseemly.
"What are you doing here?" Dolores demanded, recovering from her shock. "What are you even wearing? This is a place of business, not a, not a place to wear something so suggestive! It's highly inappropriate!"
"I think what I'm wearing is the least inappropriate thing happening here," Zeta quipped as she pulled out a dagger with a curved blade that made it look almost like a sickle. "Dolores Umbridge, I want you to know that this is as much revenge as it is business."
Dolores tried to fight off the witch attacking her. All she managed was a passing brush of her hand against Zeta's arm as the tip of the blade slashed her throat. It was just enough to feel the connective current as their soulmate bond flared in recognition of their interwoven fates. As Dolores died, she had just enough time to curse Fate.
Her assistant found a meticulously clean office the next morning, all traces of her boss and her legal projects both past and present gone as if they never existed. She just failed to show up for work, and when they checked her home, all they found was a hungry and thirsty kneazle.
Any worry that the young man might have felt for his quietly missing boss was completely overshadowed by the headlining news that the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, the British representative to the International Confederation of Wizards as well as that particular body's head, and current headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, had been brutally murdered in his own office. And who betrayed such a great man? None other than the very same man Albus had just hired to teach Potions after refusing to allow the man to face charges for the repeated accusations of being a Death Eater in You-Know-Who's inner circle!
Of course, the news that Severus Snape was exactly as he had been accused came as no surprise to anyone who had met him, especially not the witch who had used to be his best friend until she had been forced to break off the friendship. There had always been a dark spitefulness to him that Lily had never been able to counter or subdue. It had less to do with murder and more to do with delighting in cruelty.
"Good riddance," she muttered as James read the article about Severus Snape being sentenced to the Kiss for all the crimes they had uncovered by the trial. She dumped more cheerios onto the tray of Harry's highchair. "Who's next on the list for Zeta?"
"Fenrir Greyback," James said easily, not needing to reference the books at all. "Zeta and Remus are enjoying a little time to themselves as they track him through the Forest of Dean." James hummed briefly in thought. "Maybe we should think about setting up a secondary nursery."
"You think they're going to give Harry a sibling already?" Lily asked. Harry laughed and threw a handful of his cereal at the cat who had just walked into the kitchen. "I didn't even know they were thinking of trying."
"I've just got a feeling, my petal," James assured her. "Blacks are fertile enough to overcome even perfectly cast contraception wards, something that Harry-berry here proves." James gave her a lopsided grin. "If I know those two, there's going to be at least a few not perfectly cast contraception wards while they're out in the woods alone."
"James."
"Yes, dear?"
"Shut it."
"Yes, dear."