I'm going to alternate writing chapters of this with chapters of my story in another fandom. Hopefully both will eventually get finished.
Thank you for all your reviews so far.
Georg hadn't slept, instead he had tossed and turned, the sheets twisting and catching around his legs, until irritated he had pushed them away. Now he stood in the cold shower in the hope that it would help calm his traitorous thoughts and cool his overheated skin. He tilted his head up towards the rush of water, closing his eyes against it, his hands reaching up and pushing back his wet strands of hair from his forehead, as he tried not to think about her, about Maria.
It was all in vain, no matter how he might try to distract himself, his brain was determined to relive the time spent in her company, over and over again, dissecting every part of it. He thought of the feel of her in his arms, the weight of her, the curve of her waist, but mostly he thought of how she looked at him and the sigh she had given at his touch. It had only been his knuckles grazing against her cheek, but that sigh had very nearly been the end of his already lacking self-restraint. Her eyes had darkened, and she had bit down on her bottom lip, her sigh the sound of desire as she had leaned ever so closer into him.
He wanted her and at times he thought that she might just feel the same way about him; at least that was what he hoped and that it wasn't just his ego trying to persuade him. He knew that some in society still thought of him as a prize to be won, but it -understandably – wasn't the debutants who were pushed his way, rather it was the glamorous widows who threw themselves at him. Elsa was one, but she had been much more subtle about her intentions, most had just openly propositioned him. No, he didn't think it was simply his ego that made him think he could be desirable, but then it was potentially foolish to think that a woman who was closer in age to the debutants than his own social set would be interested in him. But oh that sigh.
Giving a soft growl of irritation he turned the shower dial further towards cold. Foolish man, he chided himself. After all when he had kissed her hand, she had looked shocked, those utterly kissable lips of hers parting slightly in surprise at his forwardness, that was hardly the reaction of a woman caught in the swirl of desire. Rather it was much more likely she had been thinking about how to politely extract herself from the situation. He pressed his forehead against the cool tiles as he wondered what on earth he was going to do?
The sensible option was to send her back to the Abby, it was a thought that had crossed his mind more than once and yet he couldn't bring himself to really consider it. She didn't belong there, even if she didn't belong with him, he could not force her back into a situation that ultimately would make her unhappy, and he was sure that it would. Not only that but the children would be heartbroken to see her go, he would be heartbroken…Georg caught himself at that thought. Recently his days had been spent thinking about how he could keep Maria at arms breadth, he had never paused to think about what his life would look like when she left. His stomach lurched at the thought and he felt oddly bereft as he tried and failed to imagine the villa without her presence. His fingers furled tightly into his palms, his nails biting into his flesh and leaving crescent shaped marks behind.
Georg briefly considered confiding in Max, but then he was confident that his friend would have him keelhauled for his stupidity and for his actions tonight. Worse than that he would likely crow that he had been right all long, and the thought of that truly was intolerable. No, any further conversations with Max on the matter would be best kept to a minimum.
The memory of kissing her forehead slammed back into his brain and he groaned, pressing his head against the tiles again, that had been idiotic. The kiss to her hand he could somewhat explain, not well, but it was harmless enough in the grand scheme of things, but when he combined it with the second kiss…he turned the shower dial off with an irritated sigh. An old fool, that's what he was.
He vigorously and somewhat viciously towelled himself dry, the material scratching at his skin. He would need to find a way to apologise. Maria may be naïve, but she wasn't blind to all of society's rules and she would be aware that he was crossing the boundaries that should be in place between them. His mind flashed back to their conversation, to her wide smile as he had teased her about pushing him across the line She had said it with an air of innocence, even as her eyes flashed with mirth, but it was perilously close to the truth, he would do almost anything to win a smile from her, never mind her praise and favour. It hadn't been like with Agathe, there had been rules, expectations that their courtship would follow a path and although at times he had found the restraint chafing, he had known the path he was treading. Now he didn't have the faintest idea what he was meant to do. Giving up the idea of sleep, he dressed quickly as he reminded himself that his first step was to make it right, to find a way to apologise for his forwardness without letting her know how deep his true feelings ran.
Clicking his tongue off the roof of his mouth and his fingers drumming off thighs as his arms hung loosely at his sides, Georg was the picture of agitation as he stalked through the dark hallways and back to his study. He forced himself not to turn in the direction of the children's rooms, of her room, God forbid he was caught anywhere near there at this time of night, or hour of the morning dependant on who he bumped into.
His footsteps echoed on the tiles as he crossed the foyer and he lamented that it was now an unacceptable hour to crack open a bottle of something alcoholic. He stood restlessly for a moment in the doorway, debating what to do for the best when suddenly it came to him, the piano music, that was what he should give to her, and when he did, he could apologize.
The sheets were stored in a box in the large mahogany cabinet, it was where he had placed most of the sheet music after Agathe had died, after he had turned their home into a mausoleum, where joy was all but forbidden. His knees creaked as he crouched and pulled out what he was looking for, he forced himself to ignore the click of his joints as he rocked back into a standing position, ignoring the signs of his age as he walked to his desk, perusing his choices.
Again, his mind slid to the inappropriate and he found himself thinking of her hand under his as he guided her graceful fingers across the keys. He rubbed at his forehead, what was he doing? What on earth would Agathe have made of all of this? Agathe would have liked her, the thought came to him suddenly. His wife would approve of everything she had done for the children, for the joy she had brought back into their lives. He was unsure however what she would have made of his feelings for her, whether she would be amused or bewildered by his sudden lack of propriety. Georg had adored his wife, her kindness and her quiet sweetness had been the balm he had needed after the war, but with every day that passed he found it harder to slip into her way of thinking. Before her death he had been able to read her with ease, but in these unusual times he struggled to be certain what she would do.
He placed the easiest pieces to one side, and as his thumb and forefinger rubbed at two sheets that were stuck together, it struck him, he would never again know with certainty what Agathe would do, or what she would want him to do. Normally that thought would have sent an icy shiver up his spine, caused the hairs on his arms to quiver and stand on end but he just felt slightly numb. It was time to let go of her ghost he realised, he could love her and miss her and not have it consume his entire being.
Georg looked down at the music in front of him, his mind drifting. The heaviness of his heart had lifted, he could find happiness in the day again, enjoy the shrieks of his children, the beams of their smiles and the nonsense of their games. A smile played at his lips as he thought of them and with every memory Maria was there, her guileless smile, the brightness of her laugh as clear as crystal in his mind. She was always there with a comforting, cheering word or if needed a mindful rebuke. There was more to her than the black sheep of Nonnberg, she was clever and witty but never with any malice behind her words. She could hold herself against any challenger when she knew she had the right of it, she was forthright but gentle. Elsa had referred to her as clumsy once and at times she became over-excited and launched herself into something with her full heart and soul and yet at the same time she had an easy, natural grace to her movements. She was so much more than others realised and was perfectly imperfect.
Georg's spine snapped straight for a second before he gave a groan, his head sinking into his hands. It wasn't just lust, he'd fallen in love with her.
Kurt and Brigitta thundered past her along the top hallway, a jumble of bickering yells being flung between them as Maria chided them easily, "Whatever the matter is, it is most certainly not worth yelling about at this time in the morning."
"He stole my book," Brigitta complained, a frown marring her features as she rested her hands on her hips.
"Because you had your nose so far into it that you were ignoring me!" he countered.
"Kurt, after breakfast you are going to return your sister's book, and Brigitta I know it is all too easy to get engrossed in a story, but not when you're meant to be getting ready for breakfast."
"You just don't understand how important it is," Brigitta muttered darkly at her brother.
Kurt stuck his tongue out at her, dodging suddenly and narrowly avoiding the slap of her hand against his shoulder as he bolted down the stairs, taking them two at a time.
Maria sighed softly and she shook her head as Brigitta bounded down the stairs after him. She was simply too tired for this today, she had barely slept, her mind whirred and when she had finally fallen asleep her dreams had felt so vivid she was almost more exhausted for them. Looking up she Friedrich at the top of the stairs tutting at his siblings as he called after Kurt, "So much for helping Fraulein Maria."
"Oh, don't worry," she assured him. "My ankle is feeling better, so I'm sure that I can manage with just your help this morning." She interlinked her arm through his and smiled at him. "Such a gentleman," she told him.
Friedrich's face broke out into a proud beam, his shoulders straightening and his chest puffing out at the unexpected praise. "Well none of us want you to fall again," he told her. "And we need you back in our games, you make us an even number and it's much easier that way."
Maria laughed at his comment. "High praise indeed. Now tell me, how is my new mode of transportation coming along?"
The tips of his ears pinked. "We're having a bit of trouble with the steering," he admitted. "But," he added brightly, "Uncle Max is going to help us today."
Maria chuckled at that, unsure whether the impresario's talents lay in engineering or not, but either way it would give the children an entertaining morning and no doubt distract her from her brooding.
Friedrich kept hold of her arm until they reached her seat in the dining room and as Maria lowered herself into her seat, she was surprised to see the Captain's chair empty. As Friedrich took his place, Liesl informed them, "Father said he is taking breakfast in his study today, but he asked if he could speak to you afterwards in his study Fraulein Maria."
Maria felt Herr Detweiler's eyes resting on her face and she forced some false cheer into her voice as she told the children, "Well then, I suppose I should say Grace then."
After she was done, and the children murmured their Amens, Herr Detweiler struck, cutting up a slice of breakfast meat as he remarked, "You look tired Fraulein, I do hope that your ankle isn't causing you difficulty sleeping."
Shaking her head, Maria replied, "It isn't too bad and besides I hear you are on hand today to help the children finish my new chariot." Her smile widened as she added, "That is sure to take the strain off."
"Ah ha," he chuckled, waggling a finger. "I might enjoy a challenge, but I make no promises in regards to this. I fear the boards they have used for the cart are so rickety it will collapse if we put anything heavier than the kitchen tabby into it." He shook his head sadly. "We may require an entire re-model."
Friedrich, Louisa and Kurt groaned at that statement. "But Uncle Max if we don't have it soon then Fraulein Maria's ankle will have healed before she is able to use it," Louisa pointed out.
"Yes, that is a risk," he acknowledged with an air of mock solemnity. "However, I am confident that a verse or two about your favourite things will help quicken the proceedings.
Maria raised her eyebrow as she took a sip of her tea, it appeared today's timetable was more about singing practice than anything else. "I only hope the dust from the cart doesn't irritate the children's throats," she remarked, the glimmer of a smile curving her lips.
Herr Detweiler looked up in amused surprise, as his eyes twinkled, "I shall be careful to ensure proper hydration to help avoid that Fraulein." He took a sip of his coffee and then added, "After all it is so important to keep such wonderful voices on top form."
"Yes, but then the children do simply sing for enjoyment, they don't have to be perfect."
"One never knows when their talents may be needed."
"The Captain likely has a fair idea," she teased him.
He opened his mouth and then closed it again, a small chuckle escaping him. "I'm sure he won't begrudge me this one song."
"Hmmm," Maria shot him a knowing look before her attention was caught by Gretl's disastrous attempt to pour her own glass of milk from a full jug.
After the spillage was cleared, breakfast continued in a leisurely manner before all too soon it was over. Maria felt a sudden shock of trepidation run through her as she realised that she was going to have to face the Captain again, except it wasn't fear that caused the butterflies that were fluttering in her lower stomach but excitement. As the children made plans and filtered out of the room, Maria got slowly to her feet, a warm blush creeping up her cheeks as she thought of seeing him.
"Are you quite well, Fraulein?" Her Detweiler asked casually as he placed his napkin next to his empty plate. "You look slightly flushed."
Maria's eyes widened guiltily. "It's just rather warm in here," she offered weakly.
"I hadn't noticed." He finished off his coffee in a quick mouthful, his thumb wiping quickly and neatly at the sides of his moustache. His lips pulled together thoughtfully, and he asked her, "Can I offer you my arm, help you to your destination?"
"I should be ok." She gingerly flexed her foot before resting it on the floor. "Stairs are more difficult, but the flat floor is bearable."
"Well let me see if I can improve on bearable." He got to his feet and rounded the table, offering his arm for her to lean on.
Maria looped her arm through his and matched his slow meandering pace as they left the dining room. "It is really kind of you to help."
"I could hardly call myself a gentleman if I didn't." A small smile curled his lips as he told her conspiratorially, "And I am likely only holding onto that title by a hairsbreadth, so I can't take any risks."
Despite her nerves, Maria giggled. "Well, you have been nothing but charming whenever I have spoken to you."
He inclined his head at her compliment. "So do you have any incline why you have been summoned to the lion's den?"
She felt the rush of heat to her cheeks and up her back again. "I would think something to do with the children."
"Yes, although surely other topics are often discussed."
Her eyes slid across to him, but she could see no slyness on his features, his expression one of benevolent interest. "At times," she replied carefully.
"It is pleasant to pass the time of day with someone you share interests with."
Maria felt her stomach twist nervously, unsure whether there was an angle to this discussion. "It can be refreshing to have an adult conversation following a day with the children," she finally settled on telling him.
They reached the study door and his arm slid from hers. "Safely delivered," he murmured with a smile. He looked between her and the door, his mouth opened, and a frown flickered across his face before he gave a small shake of his head and smiled at her again, "I best go attend to my charges for the morning, Fraulein."
Maria watched him go, the whole interaction had had an odd undercurrent to it, but she was unsure why. It was almost as though he had been able to see into her thoughts, had known just what inappropriate images she held of her employer. Biting down on her bottom lip, she shook her head, it wasn't possible, she assured herself, she had been careful not to act any differently. Her heart was thumping in her chest now, she raised her hand and rapped her knuckles off the door.
"Come in." She swung it open at the deep timbre of his voice and felt some of her nerves flicker away at the sight of the Captain's smile. He rushed to his feet at her uneven walk, his arm slipping around her waist as he drew closer her to him, his fingertips grazing against her waist. Her hand brushed his lower back as she found her centre of balance, her face flushing even more as she felt and heard him inhale sharply and she drew it away hastily, instead resting it awkwardly on his shoulder.
"My ankle is starting to feel much better," she told him in an awkward rush of words. "I won't need to impose on anyone and use them as a crutch for much longer I don't think."
"It is no bother," he told her as he led her to one of his plush leather armchairs, helping her settle into it. He stood back and he lingered uneasily for a moment before he seemed to catch himself and dropped into the seat opposite to her, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees as he made a small tutting noise under his breath.
Maria's fingers twisted together as she asked anxiously, "Is everything alright, Captain?"
He looked up suddenly, a look of surprise crossing his features before he gave a quick nod. "Ah yes, quite alright."
She eyed him slightly disbelievingly, he almost appeared nervous, and it was a side of him that she had never quite expected to see. "You wanted to see me," she prompted after a few seconds of silence.
"I did." He sat back in his chair, his fingertips drumming off the armrest. "I wanted to ah…apologize for my forwardness last night."
Maria swallowed against the lump in her throat, her eyes flickering down to look at her own knees. She didn't want him to apologize, she realised with a small start, their conversation last night had meant so much to her. And whilst his gaze and his touch turned her inside out and made her wonder and doubt everything, she felt her stomach drop at the thought he may regret it. "I…I'm not sure there is anything to apologize for," she finally hedged carefully.
"It is kind of you to say, but after I helped you upstairs last night I should never have kissed-" He stopped abruptly, looking pained and cleared his throat before starting again. "I should never have been so forward. The Reverend Mother placed you in my care and I am truly sorry if I caused you any discomfort from my actions." His left knee jiggled as his foot bounced off the floor and Maria had to force herself to lift her gaze to his earnest blue eyes as he continued beseechingly, "I would hate for my actions to cause you to feel like you were no longer safe here or made you feel uncomfortable. This should be your home, and the children would be heartbroken if you were to leave and I would," he swallowed heavily. "I would never forgive myself if it were my actions that brought that about."
Maria blinked rapidly, feeling oddly as though she wanted to cry, but unsure just why she felt such an acute disappointment at his words. She pushed her feelings down and offered a smile that she couldn't quite feel at her eyes. "You needn't worry, I have no intention of leaving before my post comes to it's natural end in September." She didn't know quite what else to say to him, should she make mention of his apology? It was difficult to find words of acceptance for it when her heart screamed a different view at her.
Her assurance seemed to at least take some of the edge away from the Captain's anxiety however, as he let out a relieved sigh. "I am glad to hear that. I actually have something for you as a way of an apology."
As he jumped to his feet, Maria shook her head and told him, "That really isn't necessary."
"I insist, although it is of course your choice if you chose not to use them."
He handed her a sheaf of papers and as Maria flicked through them, she couldn't help a small smile, glancing up to meet his hopeful gaze. "Piano music," she stated.
"I thought that when the children are distracted elsewhere, you could take some time to yourself, if you wished."
"That is most kind of you Captain."
He shook his head. "It was the least I could do."
Maria got slowly to her feet and held her hand up as he rushed forward to help her, giving a small shake of her head, her cheeks aching from the effort of holding her smile. "I am confident that I can manage," she assured him. "And I really should go and check on the children.
His hand dropped and she could see he wanted to argue with her decision but was choosing not to. He instead inclined his head and let her go. "Of course, Fraulein."
She forced herself to ignore the nagging pain in her ankle with each step as she fought to minimise her limp under his gaze and didn't look back once as she headed for the door.