A/N: DM/HG. This story is based on the soundtrack for the musical "The Last 5 Years". On the soundtrack, the songs "Cathy" (Sherie Rene Scott and in this story, Hermione) sings go in reverse order, starting at the end of her relationship, and the songs "Jamie" (Norbert Leo Butz and story Draco) sings are in normal order, starting at the beginning of the relationship and progressing. The musical was written by Jason Robert Brown. No copyright infringement intended. Trust me I'm not making any money off this. BUT you should definitely buy the album if you haven't heard it. It's AMAZING. I did use some lyrics in conversation and such, so if you're a fan you'll recognize it.
"Still Hurting"
(Hermione)
"Draco's decided it's time to move on." Hermione said barely above a whisper. She was in Ginny's kitchen sipping on coffee that she desperately wished was spiked with some Jack. Ginny held her hand as she tried to hold in the tears.
"I can't believe this Mione. After all you two have been through?"
"He just… he ran away like this was something simple. He thought we had no chance at all."
"He's got no idea what he wants. He's a man." She tried to laugh. She really did. But she wasn't ready for that yet. All she could think about was Draco, and the last five years of her life that she had wasted on something that she should never have believed in.
After Hogwarts so much had changed. Harry and Ron continued on their paths and unfortunately the trio's paths diverged. They grew apart. Hermione moved away. She wanted to find out who she was supposed to be and what her life was meant for. She found that she had quite a knack for acting. She had been doing it for years and didn't even realize what talent she had at it. She went on a few auditions. But eventually she settled into Wizarding London. She got burned out after so many auditions that yielded nothing. Hermione could not find exactly what she was cut out to do in life…
And then she found Draco. She wanted to be his everything and more. But their relationship was tumultuous at best, and in the end Draco had moved on to find something better. She could never be enough for him. He lied to her. He cheated. He became engulfed in his career. And in the end, Hermione was left alone not knowing where to turn.
She should have hated him. But even after all that, Hermione was still hurting.
"Shiksa Goddess"
(Draco)
"I'm breaking my mother's heart…" Draco laughed as he downed another drink. He and Blaise were on yet another bar hopping adventure. A year out of Hogwarts and Draco still had no idea what he wanted to be. Blaise was already hard at work in Gringotts, just like his father and his grandfather and every other male Zabini for 170 years. Malfoy, on the other hand was working hard staring at some gorgeous being at the bar.
"Malfoy, don't take this the wrong way… but are you ever going to get your shit together?" He looked away from the woman's rear end for just a moment to find out if Zabini was being serious.
"Why should I? I'm going to milk the inheritance while I still can. If my father were here you know what my life would be like. I just want to celebrate this freedom while I can. Don't get all sober on me now mate."
"I was just thinking out loud."
The fact was… Draco did think about this all the time. He was so lost. He didn't know who he was anymore. He was searching for something… anything to help him figure out where the hell he was going. He had an inkling once… maybe he could be a writer. But he didn't have enough faith in himself to pursue anything that far fetched…
"Well while you're thinking out loud, think I have a chance with that broad at the bar?" Distractions were what he lived for. The woman flipped her hair and the smoky air around her cleared to reveal her face. "Well I'll be damned."
"Is that…?" Blaise asked as he too stared. Malfoy nodded and got up silently. It couldn't be…
"Well, Granger this is a surprise." He smirked as he sidled up to her at the bar.
"Malfoy… what are you doing here?" She scowled.
"Good question. What are you doing here when you could be leaving with me?" She laughed in his face. Ah the infamous charm wouldn't work with her.
"What are you on about Malfoy? Had a few too many fire whiskeys?" She sounded extremely condescending, which only gave Malfoy more fuel.
"I prefer Jack actually, but you wouldn't be incorrect in assuming I've had a few drinks. Which is why I can stand here and tell you unabashedly that you look absolutely amazing." She was shocked at his frankness, but found it surprisingly refreshing.
'What am I doing?' Malfoy thought. 'What do I want with Granger?'
"Look Malfoy I really should be going. It was… interesting seeing you again." Hermione said as she clutched her purse and pushed through to the door.
"Wait! Look… I know we didn't exactly get along in school. But I really think you need to let me make it up to you."
"Why?"
"Because you're the first person in a year who hasn't fallen for my bullshit lines and I gotta think that's a sign."
"A sign? Oh lord you're smashed."
"A little. And yet I've never been more sure of anything. Hermione let me take you out tomorrow night."
"No. I'm sorry." She turned and walked away.
"I won't give up that easy!" Malfoy yelled to her retreating figure. Then, smiling like an idiot he returned to where Blaise sat.
"What the hell was that?" Blaise asked. "Did you really just ask out old Mudblood Granger?"
"Shove it Zabini. Weren't you the one telling me just moments ago that I need a change of pace? Well she's it." And for days all he could think about was her retreating figure, fading into the distance. He made a promise to himself that if he could get a chance to be with her, he wouldn't ever have to see her walk away again.
"See I'm Smiling"
(Hermione)
"I guess I can't believe you really came…" Hermione said to him as he approached her where she sat. They were in the restaurant where they had their first date. Draco leaned down to kiss her cheek. The smiled, they talked, things seemed like they were getting back to normal.
"I'm pretty sure the show tonight doesn't suck." Hermione told him. He grinned.
"Well that's a relief."
"How was your trip?" She asked him tight lipped. He noticed, but took a deep breath and spoke.
"Great. New England is beautiful this time of year. Especially the countryside where the factory was."
"Did they like the new manuscript?"
"Oh yea, they did. They bought it actually. It'll be in print in America by spring."
"That's great Draco. Four novels in one year. You're getting everything you hoped you would… Things couldn't be more perfect." She faked a smile. They paused…
"Hermione, things aren't perfect and you know that." He said grimly.
"I realize things aren't perfect. A marriage can't be perfect when one of the spouses is cheating on the others. But we shouldn't speak about such unsavory topics over dinner. But it's my birthday, so excuse me for trying to be happy for once." She snapped.
"Trying is the key word. You never were very good at that." He replied dryly.
"Oh yes, I'm the demon here. Never you." She folded her napkin and threw it on the table.
"Oh please Hermione, don't be so dramatic. No wonder you could never get any good acting jobs, you over dramatize everything. You don't really wanna be stuck here in London forever do you? I'm working my ass off to get us out of this life."
"Way to make your wife feel loved. Now please, let's talk about you for a second here. Every moment is about you, and nothing but you! Bow down to the savior of writing!"
"Hermione don't make a scene. Just talk to me."
"You know what makes me crazy? You can't spend a single day that's not about you and your little girlfriends! I will never understand how you can justify them to yourself. I will never understand Draco!"
"Hermione! Just stop it. You don't know what you're talking about. Lets just.. .lets go OK?"
"Oh sure, run away like you always do. See if I'm here waiting for you when you come crawling back looking for inspiration this time."
Draco shook his head. He threw some money on the table to cover drinks and stormed out of the restaurant. Hermione just collapsed in her chair and wondered how they had come to this. He hadn't denied that he was cheating on her. She always suspected… long hours at work are bullshit. She was crying, he had caused it, and he didn't care at all.
"Moving Too Fast"
(Draco)
Malfoy and Zabini were on another bar hop two months later. So much had changed in so little time however.
"Malfoy, you're going to move in with her after 2 months? Don't you think that's moving a little fast?" Zabini asked him.
"Hell yes, but there's no way I'm stopping now. I love her." Zabini laughed.
"You don't know what you're saying man. Have another drink."
"Blaise this is different. I might actually follow through on something for the first time in my life."
"Mush mush mush. That's what she's turned your brain into." He took a shot.
"Zabini everything is coming together now that I'm with her. This is it. This is the something I was looking for. You were the one asking if I would ever get my shit together. I have. Hermione and I are moving in together, we got an apartment. I sold the first chapter of my book to this muggle magazine. I can't even comprehend it all, it's blurring right past me, but I love it."
"What if you're just starstruck? What the hell happens when a year from now you can't stand her?"
"That won't ever happen. She's different."
"I've heard that one before…" Zabini said moodily.
"Shut your bloody mouth. Just because Pansy dumped your ass doesn't mean you have to be jealous of me. Just keep rolling on. That's what I do."
"A Part of That"
(Hermione)
"So, how's marriage treating you Mione?" Ron asked his long lost friend. Ron, Harry, and Hermione were eating lunch in Diagon Alley. It was the first time they had hung out since she and Draco tied the knot.
"It has its moments." She smirked. "It's been crazy though. Draco's career is really taking off. Actually he's at some book signing right now."
She thought about the preceding few months in which Draco was trying desperately to finish his first ever novel. He sat around the apartment for days on end, munching on chips, leaving a mess everywhere he went. He rarely even slept at night and when he did he was on the couch. He could never be more that 2 feet away from his laptop computer or a quill, lest he forget to write some undoubtedly brilliant dialogue down.
"You didn't want to go?" Harry asked over his glass.
"I… well we… No I'm meeting him tonight for dinner instead." She nodded, hoping she was lying convincingly enough. She couldn't stand to be around career mode Draco these days. It reminded her of her epic failure as far as her career was concerned.
"Mione, what's going on? Is there trouble in paradise?" Ron asked mockingly. She knew he despised Draco even now.
"Everything is fine Ronald. I've just had enough of all this publicity stuff. I've been there, done that. And he doesn't need me around all the time."
"Well, I'm sure he wants you around Hermione." Harry said, trying to cool the waters.
"Yea, I know he does." Hermione smiled. She could picture the very smirk she would receive if she were there with Draco right now. And even though his constant trips into Draco-land over the past few months drove her absolutely mad… she always felt better when she thought of his smile and the way it made her feel alive. She may not be there for the book signing, but she was a part of what made him Draco. He told her once that she was his inspiration for everything, that he had never been able to write more than a few pages before he fell for her. So in a way she had achieved something… Even if she did doubt it once in a while…
"The Schmuel Song"
(Draco)
Hermione and Draco awoke on Christmas morning wrapped in each others arms. Neither one stirred, but simply opened their eyes and gazed into the endless abyss that lay before them.
"Merry Christmas Hermione." Draco whispered. She smiled and snuggled a little closer.
"Merry Christmas to you too."
"This is our first Christmas together Mione. Whatever will we do today?"
"Open presents?" She said coyly. He smirked and she kissed him quickly before jumping out of bed and running into the living room of their apartment.
There were a few presents for each of them underneath the small tree. Hermione was beaming, obviously a big fan of the holiday season. Draco felt happier just looking at her. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to have her in his life.
Hermione dug in to her presents. There was a beautiful scarf from Mrs. Weasley, a book on ancient wizarding tribes from Harry, some horrid perfume from Ginny, and then there was one box left. She knew it was from Draco. She began to tear the paper, but he stopped her.
"Wait! I have a story to tell you first." He smiled at her and she put down the box. "So… many years ago… There was a young man who lived in a small village in the English countryside. He lived a frivolous life and never took anything seriously. That is, until he met a beautiful young woman. She should have been a princess, but she was working in odd jobs because she didn't know exactly what she wanted to do. But he could never have her for she was far too intelligent to accept a man like him. This young man wouldn't settle for that though. He worked hard and finally the young woman agreed to meet with him. He knew that she was the one for him from the moment he saw her. And even though they did not know each other very well, they fell in love quickly and suddenly everything changed for them. People have dreamed forever about romances like theirs but some people are too afraid to follow through on their dreams…"
"This tale sounds very familiar… almost as though you based it on someone you know?" Hermione smiled.
"Hermione, I don't want you to be unhappy. I think you know exactly what you want to do. You have to go after your dreams. You are brilliant and everyone knows what an ambitious freak you are."
"It's the writer in you, always making up crazy stories that will never come true."
"It will come true if you go out on a limb. You just have to try. Take a chance… but mostly take your time. Everything will come in time. Now open your present." She gave him an inquisitive look, but did as he said.
When the wrapping paper was off, there was a velvet box. She opened it to reveal the most brilliant watch she had ever seen. It was silver and had tiny diamonds on the face.
"It's wonderful Draco…"
"I told you, everything will come in time." He kissed her and the look in her eyes made him feel like the luckiest man in the world.
"A Summer in Ohio"
(Hermione)
"Hermione we've got rehearsal in 20!" Starr called as she gathered her coat. "I've gotta run to the store real quick, will you make sure Wayne's cage is locked? You're a doll! Bye!"
Hermione shuddered at the thought of Wayne the snake in his large cage. Her roommate had a strange affection for the beast though. She had been doing nothing but rehearsing for the last month and half. She hadn't even seen Draco in 2 weeks. She sat down to write him a quick letter.
"Draco-
I just want you to know what a lovely time I'm having here in the United States. And when I say lovely I mean absolutely horrid. I am sharing an apartment with this muggle who says she "used to be" a stripper. Somehow I think she might be lying about her current occupation. They have the oddest people in plays here. And even though I finally have a part in some very low budget production called "West Side Story", I can't help but be sad that we're apart. I could be doing so many other things, so why am I here? Some days I just want to shove my wand in my eye.
I saw your book in a store the other day. I was so proud. I couldn't help but stare at your picture on the inside sleeve. You looked wonderful. I miss you and your stupid smirk. Please come visit soon. I know you're busy but I can't stand being alone in this hell hole they call "Cincinnati" for another minute.
All my love,
Mrs. Draco Malfoy"
She smiled at the last line. Mrs. Draco Malfoy… 'That's me…' she thought.
She poked her head out the window and searched the skies for her owl. Finally it appeared and she tied the letter to its leg. Then she too made a mad rush out the door.
-
"The Next Ten Minutes"
(Both- This is the only time where the story lines meet)
Draco and Hermione strolled hand in hand around the city. It was dusk and the city was bustling. Draco glanced over at the beautiful woman next to him but turned away when she met his gaze. He was nervous. She leaned in closer to him and squeezed his hand a little tighter.
"Come with me." He said suddenly.
"Where are we going?" She asked coyly.
"It'll just take ten minutes, go with me."
"Well we have dinner reservations, so ten minutes is all we can spare, so make it quick…" He nodded and led the way, and when they finally reached their destination Hermione looked around. They were in the park, under a large oak tree.
"Draco… what is this? I don't understand why you brought me here." She looked around and walked a few steps away. "It's pretty and all, but what is-" When she turned around Draco was down on one knee holding out a small black box.
"Hermione… will you share your life with me? For the next ten minutes?" Hermione was flustered. She hadn't been expecting this. She sputtered, but when Draco slipped the ring on to her finger everything became clear.
"Forever." Draco stood up and kissed her deeply, remembering every detail of this moment. Finally Hermione spoke, "I don't know how anybody survives in this life without someone like you."
"I love you Hermione. And I was hoping you would say that. Forever. Because I will love you forever. And without you… nothing else matters."
-
"A Miracle Would Happen/ When You Come Home to Me"
(Mostly Draco)
"Well, call me sometime ok?" The blonde smiled sweetly and walked away, purposely swinging her hips more than necessary. Draco took a deep breath and hit his head on the table. Zabini arrived and sat down across from him.
"Hm, married life seems to be treating you well Malfoy." He said, eyeing the blonde who was now staring at them from the bar.
"This is the third number I've gotten today."
"What are you complaining about you lame ass?"
"You have no idea how hard it is to resist the temptation. I mean… I knew it would be hard, committing myself to one woman forever… but it's like I'm a piece of fucking meat these days. I can't get a break!"
"Well, Hermione's not exactly hard on the eyes man." Draco shook his head.
"I know that. And if I had it my way, it would be just me and her all the time… but that's not the way it goes. I have to go to these parties to promote the new book. And every time…" He gestured at the blonde. "You know, I'm fine. It's not a problem. It's a challenge and a Malfoy can take on any challenge… right?"
"Right mate… Right." Zabini laughed. Draco checked his watch and nearly flipped.
"Shit! I have to go! I told Hermione I was writing a chapter… but I promised I would meet her for dinner tonight. She just got a part in some American show so we're celebrating. Shit! Look I'll see you later." Zabini waved him off and walked over to the bar, hoping that he would have a shot with the gorgeous woman who Draco cast aside.
-
"Climbing Uphill"
(Hermione)
Hermione has been sitting in the crowded waiting area for 2 hours when her number was finally called. She had been scoping out the competition and before she went in she knew she would probably not be getting a call back. All of these girls were young and thin and beautiful… and everything she wasn't.
Her audition went horribly. She began to second guess everything about who she was. Her shoes, her choice of song, her "resume", all of this could have caused her downfall. Why was she doing this? Was this really who she wanted to be?
Draco had been pressuring her to go after whatever it was she wanted. Really he was just pushing her away so he could have a space to write. Lately he had only wanted her around when it was convenient for him. Which was particularly inconvenient for her since they were now living together. She didn't like who she was becoming.
Hermione had been working so hard at all this… this acting business, her relationship with Draco, her friendships with Harry and Ron… Why was she trying so hard when no one else seemed to be trying at all. Some days she wanted to leave Draco, but she would never be strong enough to do that.
She hated that she was becoming the girls she had always loathed. The ones who required a man to get by…
-
"If I Didn't Believe in You"
(Draco)
After Draco stormed out of the restaurant, he felt awful. He wanted to tell Hermione… he wanted to tell her it wasn't true. He had never cheated on her, he had never wanted anyone but her. He wanted to tell her all these things, but he couldn't.
She had been so selfish. He had given her all the support he knew how to give and still it was never enough. He believed in her more than he believed in himself. And truthfully, he wasn't sure she believed in anything anymore.
Hermione sulked out of the restaurant a few minutes later. Draco had gone to sit down on a bench overlooking the river. She came and sat beside him. The awkwardness of the silence that surrounded them was terrifying, and they had never experienced anything like it before. Conversation had always come easily to them. And if not conversation, unbridled anger and yelling came next. But neither could say a thing for what seemed like an eternity.
"I don't want you to hurt anymore Hermione. I want us to be happy." Draco said quietly. "I don't know what it is that's keeping you back. I have all the confidence in the world that you can do whatever you want! But you haven't found it. Don't make me wait until you do to be happy with you."
"I don't know what I want Draco. You can't push me into something just because you think that's what I want." She was speaking condescendingly now. She always did when she was angry. She had a superiority complex that was undeserved in his opinion.
"You know what I think Hermione? And I think you're jealous that I've found what I want to do. And I want you to know that I will not lose because you can't win. We made a promise. Through thick and thin. That's what I thought we agreed on."
"It's not that simple Draco."
"It is. I have always believed in you. I loved you for who you are. You have always been the most driven person I know. When did you lose that?"
"I lost it the day I fell for you." She said coldly. Then she got up and walked away, her retreating figure was stuck in Draco's mind for days. He wondered if it was the last time he would see her.
-
"I Can Do Better Than That."
(Hermione)
"Alright, I know we haven't been dating that long… and it may seem weird… but my parents really want to meet you." Hermione said nervously.
"Wow… that was fast." Draco swallowed hard. He didn't like parents.
"Well… if you don't want to that's alright. You don't have to… Actually just forget I asked." Hermione smiled, but he could tell she was upset.
"No, it's not alright. I want to meet them. It's just that I've never had to meet a girl's parents before and that's throwing me for a loop." They both smiled. Meeting the parents was a big step.
On the way to Hermione's parents house she pointed out some places she remembered from her youth. An old playground, her muggle elementary school, her old best friends house.
"My friend Carol Ann was a muggle. I kept in touch with her pretty good until about a year ago. She got pregnant right after she graduated and she got married so now she doesn't really have much spare time. She's kind of the picture perfect example of what I don't want to be…"
"What do you mean? No plans for marriage soon?" Draco asked, never meeting her gaze.
"That was a loaded question. So I'm going to be very careful with my answer." She laughed at Draco's knowing smirk. "Marriage would be great. One day. One day after I've figured out what I want to do with my life. We're young you know? We've got our whole lives ahead of us."
"We do?" Hermione blushed.
"We're almost there." They nodded. "But Draco…"
"Yea?" He looked over at her.
"We do. I know when a thing is right." He smiled and she shied away. He took her hand in his own. "I think we can do better than that."
"I think so too."
The visit with her parents went great. Draco was well liked and Hermione felt closer to him than ever. In a moment of compulsion on the way home she asked him to move in with her. They were both equally shocked. But he agreed.
"What happened to one day?" He said teasingly. She just shrugged.
"Maybe you are exactly what I need in my life."
"Nobody Needs to Know"
(Draco)
(A/N: If you hear any song from the soundtrack, this is the one to hear. It'll break your heart .I recommend it highly, and maybe listening to it while reading would be good!)
Draco awoke and had a very out of body experience. He was in a foreign room, and an unfamiliar woman was lying next to him. He thought maybe he was dreaming. And then the events of the day before all caught up with him.
"We changed the ending…" he said to himself. He tried to calm himself down but he couldn't. He had cheated on his wife. He had broken the only promise in the world that meant anything to him.
The woman stirred and pulled him closer. It had been months since Hermione had held him like that. He was weak and he succumbed to the temptation. No one would understand what he had done, or why he had done it. Hell, he didn't understand.
After Hermione blamed him for her failure he truly felt like a failure. He began to make a series of conscious deliberate mistakes. He had never asked for much from her. He loved her more than he could comprehend. And when he thought she was gone he lost control.
So he went out and found someone who could sympathize. Someone to make him feel like he had a reason to live. He had to be in love with someone, he needed to feel the love returned to him. He hoped he had found her, but no one would be able to fill Hermione's void in his heart. He tried so hard to give her everything she wanted. She made him who he was. She took hold of his heart forever.
He kissed the girl goodbye, and left to take a last stand against the force that is Hermione. Nobody would ever need to know about this mistake. But subconsciously, he hoped he would be able to hold her again, if only to ease his broken heart once more.
-
"Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You"
(Hermione in regular print, Draco in bold)
Her first date with Draco was surprisingly good and Hermione was actually dreading the nights end. They were nearing her apartment, and then the night would be over. He walked her to her door, and gave her one amazing kiss goodnight. And just like that she was hooked. They said goodbye sheepishly, and once inside, Hermione sank to the floor.
This was the kind of blissful happiness she had never experienced before. She thought she might go her entire life without finding someone who could make her feel this way. She had been waiting for him.
He had packed his bags. He was moving out and moving on.
He couldn't compromise any further. There was nothing left for him to do. Hermione never realized how far she had pulled herself from him. He could never rescue her. She was not the woman he fell in love with and no matter how hard he tried she was not coming back.
He loved her as well as he knew how. He loved her, and eventually he would learn to let her go. He didn't want to fight anymore.
So they said goodbye one last time…
He got in his car and she watched him drive away from the window of the apartment… Goodbye…
The end.
(A/N) So, this marks my long overdue re-emergence to fan fiction. I know it's really not that long, but this story has been in my head so I needed to write this, mostly for myself. I hope you liked it. I hope you could understand. If you aren't familiar with the soundtrack for "The Last 5 Years" I suggest you listen to it. OR try reading just the Hermione story line or just the Draco story line one at a time if you get confused. Thank you for reading! Please review!