A/N: I kind of hate this chapter, but published it anyway... consider it an interlude before more shit hits the fan.
Friday, April 21, 2000, afternoon
Hermione stomped around her bedroom angrily, having worked herself into a fine mood on the journey back to her apartment. An auror had been waiting for her outside the pub to escort her home and she spent the entire walk back ignoring him and internally fuming at Tonks, Harry, and Malfoy in a running loop or increasing ferocity. She was being treated by all of them like an errant child who needed to be told not to ram their own head into doorknobs!
Of the three though, she was most upset with Malfoy. Just because they'd become friendly lately didn't give him the right to lecture her about how she handled her own safety. And he had even less authority to comment on her relationship with Marc. She wasn't stupid. She knew Malfoy had manufactured that conversation with Blaise and Rhys for her to overhear. He wasn't being particularly subtle about it. Slytherin cunning her ass...
And what did he know? Maybe he treated women poorly and lied to them all the time, but Marc wasn't like that. Malfoy had never even met Marc.
'Neither have any of your other friends,' her brain whispered disloyally, and she paused her frenzied hunt for an outfit to wear to Teddy's party. She chewed on her lip and examined that thought again. Marc had made excuses whenever she brought up spending time with friends together... No, she was letting Malfoy get in her head. They were reasons not excuses.
Hadn't Marc proven to her several times over that he was a sweet, caring man? She knew him. Besides, he needed her support right now, not her suspicion. She'd found out last week that his grandmother had recently passed away. Hermione was looking forward to cheering him up with their trip to Brighton this weekend.
Resolutely nodding her head - although no one was around to see it - she finished selecting a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, a more practical combo than her earlier sundress considering she expected to be running around after a toddler all afternoon. Then, she grabbed the wrapped gift she'd set on her kitchen counter (a toy piano) and whisked herself away through the floo.
Tonks had chosen to host Teddy's second birthday party at her mother's house since her own was, quote: "a disaster zone". Hermione had been to the home of Andromeda Tonks neé Black several times before, but found that it had been completely transformed for the day's festivities. There were bright yellow and gleaming silver streamers draped from the cottage rafters, giant balloons in the shape of zoo animals tethered to the boughs of the fruit trees visible through the windows, and the air was filled with bubbles magically charmed to emit music when they popped. It was lucky that they were the only house around for miles, no muggles to confund or neighbors to annoy in general (the elephant-shaped balloon had just raised its trunk and trumpeted loudly enough to startle a flock of birds into flight).
"Oh, bless you for being early!" Tonks greeted Hermione with a quick hug and then shoved Teddy unceremoniously into her arms. "Will you watch him for a minute? I've had to pee for the last hour and mum is busy with the cooking." Tonks didn't wait for a response and shot off towards the bathroom like a woman possessed.
"Hello to you too," Hermione chuckled. "Let's go see how your Nana is faring, shall we?" She tweaked Teddy's nose, eliciting a giggle from the boy, and he started chanting 'Nana!' at the top of his lungs.
"Is that Hermione I hear?" Andromeda called from the direction of the kitchen over the din of pots and pans clanging.
"Sure is!" Hermione shifted Teddy's weight further up her hip, set her gift down on the coffee table, and walked towards the back of the house. "Hi, Andy."
"Hello, dear," she caught Hermione's cheek in a quick kiss while she continued to bustle around the kitchen.
"Need any help?" Hermione offered, though by the look of it everything was finished or near being. The countertops and the table in the breakfast nook were heavily laden with treats ranging from the toddler-friendly (snacks cleverly fashioned into snails and butterflies from veggies and cream cheese or fruit and peanut butter) to those intended for the adult palette (the mini quiches looked especially tempting).
"Oh no, please sit. I'm just finishing up the cake," Andromeda flicked her wand and four round pans levitated out of the oven. Another swish and the pans vanished, leaving naked chocolate cake layers hovering in thin air. "I'll just cool these quickly, then the frosting can go on." Hermione felt a gust of cold air shoot from the tip of Andromeda's wand and hugged Teddy closer as he shivered, feeling it too.
"Wotcher, Mione," Tonks reentered the room looking much relieved. Upon seeing his mother, Teddy shouted "Up! Up!" and wrestled himself out of Hermione's hold. "What've you been up to lately?"
"Oh you know, just had to stop your team from attacking a bunch of muggles innocently having lunch."
Tonks frowned. "Yes, I already got the incident report from Fergie. What were you thinking going into the muggle world alone?"
"I was thinking that I'm a fully capable witch and it doesn't make sense that I'd need auror protection around muggles!" she protested hotly.
"We've been over this," Tonks sighed dodging her son's flailing arms as he babbled nonsense about dragons (his favorite). "It's harder to defend youself in muggle areas because of the Statue of Secrecy and there aren't bystanders who can jump in to help. You're more vulnerable in the muggle world and your enemies will know this and try to capitalize on it. They won't care if muggles get in the way."
"You're conveniently forgetting the part where I can and have held my own against worse."
"No one is questioning your magical ability," Tonks soothed both Hermione in tone and Teddy in action with gentle rubs to his back. Teddy was wiggling like an agitated flobberworm, clearly aiming to be set down. "You're proper scary with a wand and I'd accept you in the auror program in a heartbeat if you were interested."
"But?" There was always a 'but', and Pansy's voice saying 'ghost butt' floated through her head unhelpfully.
"But you're not invincible. No one is. If it were Harry being targeted you know we'd be doing the same for him. We have done the same for him."
"It's not the same..." Hermione insisted with no small amount of pouting petulance.
Teddy's squirming finally became too much for Tonks and she set him down on a playmat to work out his energy. She then took a seat opposite Hermione and conjured a hot cup of tea for them both. "Okay, let's get to the bottom of this. Why is it not the same? Why are you so resistant to these very reasonable safety measures when I know you're always first in line to chastise Harry for unnecessarily risking his life?"
This was the best and worst part about Tonks. The best because she was always earnest about wanting to listen, and the worst because she really listened. Hermione wouldn't get away with evasions or half-truths.
Hermione sipped her tea, burned her tongue, and set it back down again. Lacking another way to stall for time, she confessed. "I'm scared that it'll never end," she said in a quiet, barely there voice. "The war is over, and I want to live a normal life now... without safewords or body guards or constantly looking over my shoulder. It just..." she swallowed back tears, there was no reason to get so emotional about this. "I fought so hard to earn a place in this world and I hate being reminded that there are people who still don't think I belong. I hate changing my life because of those people. It feels like letting them win. It isn't fair!"
"It isn't fair, Hermione, you're right, and I'm sorry," Tonks reached out to squeeze her knee at the same time that she used her other hand to pull a toy train out of Teddy's mouth (did she have eyes in the back of her head?). "But don't put yourself in danger to spite them. Please let us help keep you safe."
"If I may..." Hermione jumped at hearing Andromeda, she had forgotten that she was still in the room, now wiping her hands on her apron and coming to join them at the table. "Ted shared a lot of your fears when he was alive. After all, he saw two wars over blood in his lifetime..." She reached out to smooth Teddy's hair, which had turned neon pink to match his mother. "Do you know what gave him hope?"
Hermione shook her head.
"His best days were when he'd meet a curious pureblood who wanted to learn about the muggle world, or a couple in love despite blood status. It was when he could see with his own eyes people's capacity for change. It exists all around us. Nothing is forever, he'd say to me. The arc of the moral universe may be long, but it bends towards justice."
"Martin Luther King, Jr.," Hermione recognized the quote.
"What?" Andromeda blinked and then laughed. "That man! Ted told me he came up with that himself! I should've known... Anyway, the point is I see change happening every day, little by little. You have to hold out hope that we'll get there."
"And in the meantime, please please allow the aurors to do their job," Tonks requested, exasperated and nearly begging.
"Oh all right," Hermione huffed, but smiled all the same. She really was grateful that they hadn't insisted anythung too extreme. She could humor them for trips to the muggle world, which were infrequent these days without her parents to visit.
"Speaking of hope, you'll never guess who wrote to me today to wish Teddy a happy birthday," Andromeda raised a sly eyebrow. She was going to make them guess.
"Former Prime Minister Fudge!"
"Nicholas Flamel!"
"The Pope!"
Hermione and Tonks made each other giggle by suggesting several more ludicrous possibilities.
"Even more surprising than that: my sister!"
"Not Narcissa Malfoy!?" Hermione's jaw dropped in unfiltered shock.
"Well it certainly wasn't my other sister..." The three women gave a collective shudder at the memory of the mad woman, Bellatrix Lestrange, all silently grateful she was dead.
"Aunt Narcissa isn't coming today is she?" Tonks laid a protective hand on Teddy's back. He was now drawing on the wall with crayons. Thank goodness for magic that cleaning up after him would be a trice.
"No, though I did invite her. She said maybe next year. What do you think of that?" Andromeda looked beseechingly at her daughter. Hermione could read the desperation for family reunion in her eyes.
"Er...what do you think, Hermione?" Tonks paased the quaffle, so to speak.
"What do I think?" she parroted, confused that she would have a say in such a personal family matter.
"Yeah, what do you think of the Malfoys? Harry told me you've been spending time with that Parkinson girl, and my cousin Draco by proxy."
Her cousin. Huh. It was strange to remember that two such diametrically opposite people could be related. Although as she pondered the mystery of it all she realized that there was some familial resemblance. In many ways, Malfoy looked like a carbon copy of his father: tall, gray eyes, angular features, and hair so blond it was nearly white (Narcissa was blonde as well, but Hermione suspected the color came from a potion bottle... her roots had been showing during the post-war trials). But Malfoy had his mother's nose, Andromeda's nose too, and perhaps it was a Black family trait to have elegant hands ('piano hands' her mother would have called them), something she knew that Draco, Tonks, and Andromeda at least all shared. Even Sirius, come to think of it.
Shaking her head from her reverie about Malfoy's hands, Hermione tried to find the right words to describe her thoughts about the Malfoys. She was hacked off at Malfoy right now, but this was too important for her immediate feelings to color her response.
"I don't have anything positive to say about Lucius," Hermione grimaced remembering the multiple occassions on which the Malfoy patriarch had attempted to murder her or her friends, "and I haven't seen Narcissa since the war, but her husband's sins are not her own. When it really mattered, she saved Harry's life... lied to Voldemort's face... That takes an incredible amount of courage and I think she did it because she didn't want her son to live in a world where Voldemort won. They probably wouldn't have survived it. If it were me, I would give her a chance." Andromeda nodded eagerly in agreement willing her daughter to let Narcissa back into their lives.
"I'd love for Teddy to grow up knowing his great-aunt Cissa and cousin Draco," Andromeda added, softly stroking Tonks' hair and gazing adoringly down at Teddy, who was still drawing abstract art and chattering to himself. "Our families have lost so much, I want to hold on tightly to whatever's left."
"Narcissa might be okay, but Draco was a Death Eater, just like his father. That's a lot to change." Tonks really didn't mince words.
"True, but I don't think his heart was ever really in it," Hermione surprised herself by speaking in Malfoy's defense. "I think that free of his father's influence Malfoy... Draco that is... he's matured a lot since school. Or well, he can still be a dramatic little shit sometimes and doesn't know how to mind his own business," -oh right, she'd been trying to be fair- "but I mean, he's civil with me, for Pansy's sake at least, and I think that says a lot about how much he's changed."
"I heard from Harry that he has muggle friends now, goes to a muggle university even!" Andromeda smiled fondly and gave a dreamy sigh. It was clear that where Andromeda was concerned she believed her nephew to be completely reformed. Hermione couldn't wholly disagree (though the part of her that was annoyed with him wanted to). Malfoy certainly wasn't a saint, but she could admit that he seemed to have lost his prejudice somewhere. He was still a cantankerous bastard and hated most people, but not for their blood at least.
"It's true, and he lives right across the street from me actually, in a muggle part of London. If you're worried he's dangerous, he definitely isn't. I feel safe around him." Hermione wondered when that had become true. Maybe sometime after she learned he'd spent an entire evening watching over her in case Greyback made an appearance.
"Hmmm," Tonks hummed, clearly not entirely convinced, but Hermione didn't get the chance to say anything further on his behalf (again, she was surprised she even had the inclination) because guests began arriving. First, Harry and Ginny arrived together via floo, softly bickering before pasting on fake smiles and exchanging pleasantries with the Tonks family. Then there was a ring at the doorbell and Kingsley arrived bearing a bottle of elf-made wine that made Hermione narrow her eyes in disapproval. Head Auror Robards came shortly after, and a few other members of Tonks' auror team that Hermione was starting to recognize from her protection detail but whose names she couldn't recall. And last to arrive was Luna, who climbed into the house from a side window rather than the front door claiming that she did so to confuse the cleptaclams, whatever those were.
Thoughts of Death Eaters and blood prejudice were forgotten in the joy of celebrating Teddy. They stuffed themselves with food, sang the happy birthday song gathered around the towering four-layer chocolate cake with two sparklers atop it, and then settled in the living room to help him open his presents. (When Teddy opened the toy piano from Hermione, she leaned over to reassure Tonks that she'd also included a pair of charmed earmuffs for her).
Much too soon, it was time for everyone to leave. Harry hadn't relinquished hold of Teddy and seemed to be negotiating a sleepover with Tonks, who really wasn't putting up much resistance after such a tiring day. Ginny didn't look pleased. Hermione wasn't able to investigate further though as Andromeda pulled her aside for a private word.
"Hermione, thank you for your kind words about the Malfoys today," she gushed with a bear hug to accompany her gratitude.
"Oh, I was just being honest," Hermione blushed. She wasn't used to motherly affection anymore and Andromeda was making her a bit uncomfortable. "I feel like I should warn you though... I meant what I said about Draco not being dangerous, but he also isn't... nice."
Andromeda gave her another squeeze before leaning back and stroking the side of her face. "He said something to upset you recently?" she guessed, with impressive accuracy. Or maybe not too impressive considering how thinly veiled her frustration with him had been earlier.
"Just this afternoon actually," Hermione scowled remembering his tirade and ensuing manipulations.
"Well, I may not know my nephew these days, but I knew his father and I'll wager Draco learned a fair bit about how to communicate from him. Try not to let the message get lost in the delivery."
Hermione's brows furrowed in thought as she digested Andromeda's advice. If she stripped away the snarling and the condescension of Malfoy's comments towards her, his message was clear. He wanted her to be safe and be smart. A crack appeared in the iceberg of cold fury she'd been building. She sighed. She needed to think more... about everything.
"I really hope it all works out for you, Andy. Families... families should be together if they can be."
"I hope the same for you and your family one day. If you ever need anything, you call on me, okay?"
Hermione nodded, touched that Andromeda would offer such open ended assistance, and followed her back towards the fireplace. Harry had apparently been successful in lobbying for his sleepover as she caught him just as he swirled away in the floo grate with Teddy still in his arms. Ginny followed shortly after, with an odd sort of grim expression on her face.
"Anything at all," Andromeda reminded Hermione as she stepped up to the floo. Hermione's heart throbbed with affection for the two witches in front of her. Maybe one day Narcissa and Draco would be waving goodbye by their sides. Nothing is forever.
Saturday, April 22, 2000
'Malfoy was wrong,' Hermione thought as she gazed across the table at Marc. They were finishing a candlelit dinner at a restaurant with windows that overlooked the ocean. The moon was shining, casting a sparkling glow on the rippling waves, and she could hear the gentle crashing of the tide against the shore. It was terribly romantic.
After her conversations with Tonks and Andromeda, she had reconsidered every word that Malfoy had said to her the other day. Most of it was abrasive garbage, since he'd been intentionally trying to provoke a reaction from her (she could see that now), but she could admit he'd had a point about her cherrypicking which rules she followed. She did have a bad habit of being... flexible in that way (setting Professor Snape on fire after chiding Harry and Ron for not showing him proper respect came to mind). Anyway, Tonks had already convinced her to be more compliant with the aurors, so that wasn't what he'd been wrong about. He was wrong about Marc.
Hermione may be a virgin but she wasn't a complete ingénue. She understood that some men only wanted sex. She could appreciate Malfoy's concern now that her anger had ebbed, and she'd certainly been burned by such selfish carnal desires already, but that wasn't Marc.
Marc loved her.
Hermione wasn't sure if she loved Marc in return, but she knew she loved the way he made her feel: beautiful, desirable, sexy. She hadn't told him anything about what had happened with Ron, but he made it seem like none of that mattered. She felt... normal. She didn't even feel like she needed therapy anymore and had stopped going shortly after meeting Marc.
So what if he hadn't met her friends? So what if he was saying he loved her too soon? Marc wouldn't hurt her. He wanted her. And Hermione wanted to feel wanted.
"Ready to go back to the hotel?" Marc asked, and she knew what he was asking beneath those words.
"Yes," she breathed. She was ready. With a slightly trembling hand, she reached out to grasp his and they disapparated together with matching smiles on their faces.
A/N: Oh Hermione... This chapter took a long time to write because I realized that I don't remember losing my own virginity. Obviously, I remember who it was with and generally when it happened, but no other details. It was a little upsetting for a while, but I've made my peace with it. It's just kind of funny that something I spent so much time agonizing over, like Hermione does, ended up meaning so little. Anyway, don't worry this is still Dramione endgame!
Side note: I love all my reviews, but Chester99 yours in particular was so thoughtful! I wrote some additional commentary about your review on my Tumblr if you want to look over there (handle is esyla-writes just like my penname here). Thanks everyone for reading!