Title: Tragic - PT 2
Rating: R (language)
Summary: Cameron's life full of tragedy... (Cam's POV - kind of) in her eyes, and how she copes - or doesn't.
Disclaimer: Don't own any of it, just playing...
Note: PT 2 is for transition.

Note: As always, I hate good punctuation, I am horrible with grammar, and I reserve everything to be a work in progress...

xxxxxxx

You're in shock. You don't know what to do. Once upon a time you wanted a child desperately. You wanted your dying husband's child, but perhaps for the wrong reasons, to hold onto him, to keep a piece of him in this world so you wouldn't be alone, so you would have someone warm to hug, and hold close to you. A small being who's heart you could feel beating when you held them tight to your chest and who's scent you could smell when you snuggled your nose into their neck. That was a comfort that you craved. Especially at night when you were alone, tossing and turning under your blankets, crying yourself to sleep out of loneliness. You feeling black inside, you shut your eyes as hard as you can, maybe that will block out the internal screaming. (Hopeful wishing).

You don't tell anyone. You start getting sick in the morning. You can't keep breakfast down. Every morning you have to excuse yourself from the whiteboard meetings to run to the bathroom. After the fourth morning, House corners you in the women's bathroom, finding you with your head against the cool tile of the floor, waiting for the nausea to subside. He accuses you of being in denial. You know you're in confusion. He helps you up (he never helps anyone), and guides you down to the clinic and performs an ultra sound for a confirmation you already know. He assumes you're going to keep the baby, because of a conversation you once had about life. You know he's probably right, but you've barely been functioning so you don't know what to do. You can't look at him. You just started to be able to fall asleep by yourself and sleep through the night without him being near, you finally started to not feel so numb, and you are completely overwhelmed (again), you feel like you're going to choke. You can't look at him, because his eyes are always volumes of words, and you can't deal with that, despite what they tell you. You tidy up your clothes and head back to your office, leaving House standing there holding the wand and a prescription for prenatal vitamins in his hands. You find the vitamins on your desk later.

You know you're going to keep this baby. This isn't exactly the way you wanted to do it, but what can you do now? You found a ledge of light, and you are peacefully perched on it. You think you should let Ryan's parents know. Maybe it will make them happy that they'll be grandparents, that some part of their child will be living on. You are wrong. Really wrong.

Two days after you call them, you are served with court papers at work. They're suing you. They want you to abort the baby, stating that you are unfit to be a mother and claiming that their son did not want children, that they have proof of that, they have no proof the child is really Ryan's, and that you're using this child to claim the life insurance money that they received from the accident. Did they know their son at all? You are appalled and shocked by their gall. You know their grief is immense, but this is ridiculous. You start shaking when you read the legal forms, Foreman helps you to a chair and Chase runs to get something to help calm you a bit. House calls Stacey. You don't even care that he does this because you are so sickened by the fact they are doing this and that some lawyer thinks they have a case. You have fallen off your perch. There is no more light.

You begin to downward spiral again. You miss your appointment with the shrink. You forget to go to the OBGYN for your checkup. You start oversleeping and are late for work every day. Your dreams are filled with darkness and screaming. You fear that they're going to take away the one thing, the one being, in the world that will belong to you. One day you wake up and it's five o'clock in the evening. You slept the whole day away, but you feel exhausted. You think it's the pregnancy, but you haven't felt like yourself in so long you're not quite sure who you are anymore. The blinking light on the answering machine catches your eye, you never heard the phone ring. You count eight messages. You don't listen to them.

An hour later the knock at the door announces the arrival of House, Cuddy and Wilson who have been trying to call you all day. House jokes that he at least expected to find you surrounded by pints of Ben & Jerry's, watching chick flicks, listening to Sarah McLaughlin and just crying your eyes out from hormones. You realize you haven't eaten today. They're concerned. Cuddy packs an overnight bag for you, and takes you to her home that evening. In the morning, she tells you she's bringing you in for a check up with your OBGYN. During the car ride, she says that Wilson felt that they both had to go with House to check on you because he was freaking out House style and he didn't know what kind of condition he was going to find you in. He's worried about your baby too. You don't need to know this right now. You know she's trying to be helpful in her own way. She asks the doctor to write a letter for Stacey saying the stress of this case is affecting the health of you and your unborn child.

You are really not too coherent, you're in a cloud. You really should be on a cloud. You're barely functioning at work, you don't know why House keeps you on, you don't bring anything to the table. You work in the lab most of the time, you can't deal with the patients anymore, you can't deal with anyone else's emotions at all. He's taken over your schedule, and you've let him. Your brain has just about shut down, you're on autopilot. He ferries you to your doctor's appointments, you ask him to come in with you. He's more excited than you are (though feigns otherwise) when you hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. He works with Stacey on your case. You feel like a third party observer, like it's their baby they're fighting for, you feel so detached. Right now, you don't even want him.

You have to go to court. Stacey coaches you on your testimony. Thankfully, you haven't felt much like talking so you are able to keep your answers short and sweet. Though you have no great love of her, you are grateful for Stacey's help. You avoid looking at Ryan's parents. They have ruined whatever happiness you could have taken out of this situation. You find yourself thinking about Ryan and wondering what life would have been like with him. You can't see it, but honestly, you really couldn't see the future before either. You are filled with hatred for them, and you've never hated before. You're afraid this blackness within you will hurt the baby.

Though it is a no-brainer, you are still surprised when you win the case. The judge rules that money from the accident be put in trust for the baby and is to be overseen by an impartial party. You will have full custody of the child, unless otherwise deemed unfit at a later time. Everyone is happy for you. You are still sad. You always knew you would be a good parent. Now you feel unsure. As you leave the courtroom, you run to the bathroom to throw up. Your morning sickness stopped weeks ago. You know at some point you'll have to do the right thing and let your child meet their grandparents, the people that tried to kill them.

The question is now, can you get any semblance of your life back on track?

END PT2