Moiraine wants to be alone but has to realize that she can't push away everyone.

Moiraine still lay on her bed, wrapped in her blanket. Her tears had dried by now, but she was too exhausted to move. There was little that she could do. She didn't want to see the pity in the eyes of her sisters whenever they looked at her. She didn't want to see anyone. But of course, she didn't have that much luck.

The woman of the Blue Ajah heard how someone pulled away the fabric of the entrance and stepped inside the tent.

"Oh, Moiraine." Immediately, she recognized Siuan's voice and buried her face deeper in her pillow.

"Leave me alone." Her voice was muffled by the pillow, but she was certain that her lover had heard her - and had ignored her protest completely.

"Get up." Siuan nudged her shoulder. Moiraine answered with a growl and pulled the blanket closer. "I said-" The Amyrlin moved her hands, forming a weave. "- get up!"

The weave hit Moiraine's backside. The woman yelped in pain and lifted her head. Siuan smiled when she saw the angry gaze, which was directed at her. "Hello, beautiful."

"I said, leave me alone."

"And I told you to get up. You're not the kind of person, who stays all day in bed to pity yourself."

"A few days ago, I've been a lot of things. But this has changed now. So, leave me alone." Again, Moiraine pressed her face into her pillow, hoping this would make Siuan leave.

But the woman of Tear simply weaved again. This time, three strokes hit Moiraine's backside. Growling in pain, Moiraine sat upright to protect herself. Smiling, Siuan sat down beside her. "Better."

"You shouldn't be here. If the others..."

"I shielded this tent. Where is Lan?"

At least, Moiraine had the decency to look ashamed. "Not here."

"I can see that, thank you very much. Where is he?"

"I wanted to be alone."

"How long is he gone?"

Moiraine sighed. She hated to explain herself. Even to Siuan. "Is there a reason for you being here?"

Siuan's eyebrows raised in surprise. It was unlike Moiraine to be annoyed by her presence. Yes, they had to be careful - especially with all these Aes Sedai around them - but still, they usually used every opportunity to see each other. "What's wrong with you?"

"You're asking a lot of questions about Lan. Maybe you should go and find him yourself."

"I'm asking all these questions because he can't feel you anymore, and I don't like that he leaves you alone."

Moiraine rubbed her face tiredly. She wanted to be alone. Why couldn't Siuan understand that? "You should leave before our sisters get suspicious."

"What did you say to him?"

"What?"

This time, Siuan pronounced every word of her question very slowly. "What did you say to him?"

"Why do you assume...?"

"Moiraine! Enough with this nonsense! We both know that Lan is barely leaving your side since this incident at the Eye of the World unless you push him away! So, I'll ask you one last time: What did you say to him?"

Moiraine pressed her lips to a thin line. She knew how fond Siuan was of Lan since it all had happened. Her pillow friend couldn't understand why Moiraine had left him behind in Fal Dara. If she could only understand how hard it had been for Moiraine to make this decision...

Siuan saw how Moiraine was fighting with her feelings. Gently, she grabbed her lover's hand and squeezed it. When Moiraine's sad eyes found hers, she gave her a reassuring smile. She wanted to help.

"I gave him my permission to choose.", Moiraine said quietly, while she felt how new tears built up in her eyes. How was it possible that her body was still able to produce tears?

"To choose what?"

"To choose between Nynaeve and me. I told him that he's free."

"You didn't." Siuan looked as if she was ready to kill Moiraine. "Moiraine, how can you do something so stupid?! Over the last twenty years, Lan has done nothing but protect you! He has kept you alive! He is your friend, and though you've made a big decision without him, he stayed by your side! Why do you hurt him like that?!"

"He loves her, Siuan. He deserves to be happy."

"Fish guts, he loves you too!"

"Not like he loves her."

Angry, the Amyrlin got back on her feet and walked up and down to calm her nerves. This whole situation was ridiculous!

"Skin me and salt me! You really know how to push people away!"

"He..."

"I don't wanna hear it! Lan is your Warder! You can't just set him free! You two are still bonded, and there is nothing you can do about it without your powers!" She took a deep breath. "Which is actually the reason why I came here."

Moiraine furrowed her forehead in confusion but waited for Siuan to continue. It must have been important if Siuan was risking the exposure of their relationship.

"Liandrin gets louder with every day passing. She tells everyone that you are stilled and shouldn't return with us to Tar Valon. I don't know how many agree with her, but she won't stop."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I talked with Leane, Anaiya, Alanna, and Verin. We still need answers about what has happened to you, but I don't think that it is a good idea if you keep traveling with us."

Moiraine was shocked. Where was she supposed to go? She couldn't channel! She had nowhere to go! "Siuan, I don't know...!"

"Let me finish." The woman of Tear sat down beside Moiraine again and took her hands in her own. "We think it is a good idea if we search for answers from two sides. We will ask our sisters in the White Tower, while you visit Vandene and Adeleas."

Vandene and Adeleas. Moiraine remembered that she had heard those names before, but she couldn't remember where. They were two Aes Sedai, who had left the White Tower many years ago.

"Verin had reminded me that they have a large library on their own. Maybe they have a solution for your situation or at least an idea of how to solve it."

Now, she remembered. They were sisters. One belonged to the White Ajah and the other one to the Brown Ajah. And she had heard about their library, too. It would be a good start to search for answers. And unlike Liandrin, those two wouldn't send her away.

"What about our sisters? What do you want to tell them?"

"The truth. That you left to get more information. After that, you will return to the White Tower."

Finally, Moiraine nodded. "When will I leave?"

"As soon as possible. Get your stuff. Alanna prepares some food and water for you, as we speak."

Sadness fell over Siuan. Again, their ways forced them apart, and again, there was an uncertainty to it. Moiraine couldn't channel anymore. She couldn't protect herself. Now, everyone would be able to kill her. Every stranger was a potential threat now.

"Promise me not to take idiotic risks. You have to be very careful."

"I know my way around, Siuan."

This wasn't a promise, but the woman of Tear knew that she wouldn't get anything better than that. She leaned forward and pulled Moiraine closer to kiss her hungrily. One of her hands moved down Moiraine's neck. Her fingers pushed the hem of the blue tunic aside and touched the warm skin. Light, how much she wanted to touch her lover.

But Moiraine stopped her hand before the Amyrlin could do something worse. This was neither the time nor the place to pay proper attention to Moiraine's body. Groaning, she leaned back. She had to stop herself. Her shield kept all the noises and their words inside, but it didn't stop anyone from entering the tent.

"You should leave before anyone gets suspicious about what you're doing in here."

Siuan sighed heavily. Moiraine was so much better at holding back than she was. "I hate to send you away again."

"You don't have a choice."

This time, it was Moiraine, who pressed her lips on hers. Way too soon, she was pulling back again, but Siuan understood. It had been a goodbye kiss.

The Amyrlin stood up and brought some distance between Moiraine and herself. "Be careful. And stop pushing Lan away. You need him."

Before Moiraine could answer, Siuan lowered the shield and left the tent. `Looks like I have to choose for Lan. I can't wait for his decision. He will protect Nynaeve and Egwene on their way back to the tower.´

Now, that she had a new destination, Moiraine got back into action. She had to pack.

Maksim found Lan training with Nynaeve watching. "Lan."

The uncrowned king of Malkier stopped in his training, and even Nynaeve stood up. "Maksim. Are you here for some training?", Lan joked.

"I'm here on behalf of the Amyrlin Seat."

Immediately, Lan's smile disappeared. It was rare that the Amyrlin Seat used Warders to deliver a message. Usually, she used one of her daughters for that. "What does she want?"

"She had a meeting with a few selected Aes Sedai. The Keeper of the Chronicles, Alanna, a sister from the Blue Ajah, and one from the Brown Ajah."

Lan noticed that the Red Ajah hadn't been present, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he waited for his friend to continue.

"Liandrin becomes louder and louder about Moiraine's future in the White Tower. The Aes Sedai believe that it is safer for her not to go back to Tar Valon."

"What?" Nynaeve couldn't help herself and entered the conversation. "Moiraine is still an Aes Sedai! And the Amyrlin rescinded her exile!"

Lan silenced her by touching her arm then he stepped in front of her. "Do they have a suggestion where we should go?"

"There are two sisters, who have a big library of their own. They live in a small village. The Aes Sedai think that maybe you could find there a solution for Moiraine's condition."

Sighing, Lan nodded. Again, they would be separated from the other Aes Sedai and Warders. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as possible. Moiraine is already packing."

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. As soon as possible. This meant that they would be leaving today. But why had Siuan sent Maksim to him? Why hadn't Moiraine?

"Maksim, what did the Amyrlin tell you?"

The other Warder released a heavy sigh. "I don't know what's going on between you and Moiraine, Lan. And I won't ask. But whatever it is, it worries the Amyrlin Seat apparently. She didn't tell me anything, but I'm supposed to deliver a message to you."

A message? From the Amyrlin Seat? Now, Lan was curious. He motioned with his head at Maksim as a sign that he was listening.

"Don't make the wrong decision."

A silent chuckle escaped Lan's lips. So, Siuan had had a conversation with Moiraine. And obviously, she didn't like Moiraine's proposal. And now the Amyrlin was afraid that her lover would leave this camp without her Warder.

Maksim leaned aside, so he had a good view of Nynaeve. "I can only guess what kind of decision you have to make, and I do hope that you make the right one."

Calmly, Lan returned the gaze of his friend. He would neither deny nor confirm Maksim's suspicion, though he listened carefully.

"We'll take good care of her."

Involuntarily, Lan's eyes moved to Nynaeve as well. The young woman gave him a sad smile. He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to make sure that she was safe. And he wanted to protect her from Liandrin. But she and Egwene would be guarded by the Aes Sedai and the other Warders. Nothing would happen to them.

His Aes Sedai, on the other hand, would leave this camp with or without him. She couldn't channel anymore and would have no one to protect her. No, there was no doubt who he would choose.

"Alanna will have an eye on her and the other girl."

Heavy-heartedly, Lan turned back to his friend and nodded. "Thank you for informing me, Maksim."

"Safe travel, my friend."

"You too."

When Maksim left them, Lan sheathed his sword and put his tunic back on. Nynaeve held out his belt, while she avoided his eyes. "How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know. Hopefully, we soon find a solution, which will shut up Liandrin."

"Promise me to be safe out there." The Wisdom stepped closer and placed her hands on his chest. Tears shimmered in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "I know that you want to protect her at any cost, but… I don't want you to die."

Lan placed a finger under her chin and lifted it then he pressed his lips on hers. At this moment, he didn't care if anyone was looking. He didn't know when he would see Nynaeve again, but he already knew that he would be missing her deeply.

Growling, Moiraine saddled Aldieb. Because of Anaiya, she had lost precious time.

Her blue sister had given her instructions to find Vandene and Adeleas. Instructions, which had been totally unnecessary, but Moiraine hadn't been able to tell her sister just that. Strangely, it had been the appearance of Liandrin, which had helped her to leave. Since Siuan didn't want the red sister to know about Moiraine's departure, Anaiya had said goodbye before she had left to distract Liandrin. After that, Moiraine had quickly made her way toward the horses.

In Fal Dara, she found out that Siuan had taken Aldieb and Mandarb with her to the Borderlands. All horses had returned to Tar Valon after they had left them at the Waygate – though the horses of the Emond's Fielder probably had simply followed Aldieb and Mandarb's lead – and the Amyrlin had brought them with her, hoping that she could return them to their owners. Of course, she didn't tell the other Aes Sedai about it. To her daughters, she had simply mentioned that they would need some pack horses. A fact, which especially Mandarb hadn't liked. The stallion rarely let anyone other than Lan touch him and being a pack horse wasn't something he enjoyed very much. The Warders had been glad when Lan had freed them from taking care of the unpredictable horse.

"There you are."

Moiraine sighed heavily when she heard Alanna's voice beside her. If this would continue, she would never leave this camp before Lan would find out about her plan.

"Where is Lan?"

"What can I do for you, Alanna?", Moiraine asked, ignoring the question of her friend on purpose, while she kept tying her bag on Aldieb's back.

"I've brought you provisions for your journey."

Right, Siuan had mentioned that Alanna would take care of it. Finally, Moiraine turned to her friend. The green sister carried two bags and two waterskins. "Thank you, Alanna."

The woman of the Blue Ajah took a bag and a waterskin and placed them on Aldieb's back as well.

"Moiraine, where is Lan?"

Today, a lot of people seemed very interested in the whereabouts of her Warder. "I haven't seen him for a while now."

"Does he know about your departure?"

"I haven't told him."

"Moiraine." Alanna grabbed the arm of her friend. Sighing, Moiraine faced the green sister, who looked sadly at her. "You can't go alone. You need Lan at your side."

"Our bond is masked."

"Even more important that he stays by your side."

"He needs to protect Nynaeve and Egwene."

Alanna sighed heavily. Sometimes, it was hard to knock some sense into Moiraine. "He is YOUR Warder."

"Alanna, if I want to leave before Liandrin finds out about it, I need to leave."

"But not on your own! This is insane!"

"Lan needs to stay here."

Something caught Alanna's eyes and suddenly, she looked relieved. She pulled Moiraine into an embrace. "It seems like he doesn't know about it."

Confused, Moiraine furrowed her forehead. "What are you talking about?"

Alanna released her friend and squeezed her arm one last time. "Safe travel, my friend."

The woman of the Green Ajah walked back to the camp and to Lan, who was leading a saddled and packed Mandarb. Alanna smiled at him when she saw that he wore his color-changing cloak. He was ready for the journey. She handed him his provisions then she hugged him as well.

Moiraine was shocked when she turned and saw her Warder with Mandarb. How had he found out about her departure? And how had he been able to pack that fast? Sure, Anaiya had cost her some time with her instructions, but it hadn't been that long, hadn't it?

When Alanna let go of him, Lan tied his provisions on Mandarb's back then he closed the distance between him and Moiraine. "What are you doing here?"

"You told me to choose, remember?"

"Nynaeve…"

"Will be safe with your sisters and my brothers."

Moiraine's mouth moved, but no words came out. What else could she tell him? She had tried to push him in Nynaeve's direction. She had given him permission to choose the Wisdom. To stay by her side. To lead her safely to Tar Valon. And yet, he was here.

Lan stepped forward and pulled his speechless Aes Sedai in his arms. "I won't let you do this alone. We'll find a solution for what has happened to you, and when you can touch the source again, you'll unmask our bond."

He still wanted to be her Warder. No matter how much she pushed him away or how much she hurt him with her words, he refused to stay by Nynaeve's side.

Moiraine returned his hug. She really had the best Warder in the world.

The next chapter will be uploaded on Wednesday.

Reviews are always appreciated ❤️