Chapter 21

Doug listened to her talk. He could tell Max really was upsetting her. "Anna I don't get it. You're bright, and I know I don't know Max but he sounds like he's holding you back. If you really love him you need to tell him how you feel, and if you don't then you need to move on." Doug knew his own advice could easily be applied to himself as well. "Nobody needs to feel like what you're describing."

Anna started to say something and then stopped, "I shouldn't be dumping all of this on you." She laid her head on the window.

Doug looked over at her. "What are friends for right? Trust me; I'll let you know if I get tired of hearing you talk." Shortly after Doug said that he pulled into the driveway of Carter's mansion. "Here we go, Casa de Carter." Doug parked the car and helped Anna out. Once they walked into the house he took off her coat. "Why don't you go take a shower and...pick a room. I'm going to hang out down here for awhile." He didn't mind hearing about Anna's problems. He would rather discuss hers than his, but he could tell it was making her upset. He wished he could vent what was going on with him, but he didn't feel Anna needed anything else to deal with tonight.

Anna tipped her head to one side. "How about some coffee first. You look like you don't want to be alone, and I don't want to crack my head open when I fall in the shower. God Carter might not forgive me if I got blood all over."

Doug rubbed his face and looked back up at her. "Yeah, sure. Come help me find the kitchen." Doug held out his hand for her. Being with Anna all this time made him realize how much he missed Carol. "You know Anna; you're a real good friend."

She looked at Doug and laughed, "well I don't know about that. I've been dumping on you, but you haven't said a word about anything. I know that what is happening between you and Carol is none of my business, and I don't blame you if you don't want to talk about it. You're the only one who knows my problems, hell I didn't even tell Carter I was married. But I would be willing to help Doug, even if I just was someone for you to talk to. I hate shrinks, friends can be just as effective, especially when that friends a doc."

Doug dropped his head to cover his tearing eyes and smile. "You should tell that to Carol then. It would save me some serious money since that's what she wants me to do...see a shrink that is. She thinks I have some incurable problem that only hypnosis can solve or something." Doug decided to forgo finding the kitchen and found the living room instead. he sat on the couch and rolled his neck. "and don't think you're bothering me with your problems. I'll always be here to listen to you."

Anna sat down on the couch next to Doug, curling her legs up under her. "What do you think? I don't know what is going on between you two, but I can tell that it is eating you both up. You are one of the most compassionate caring people I know Doug but the pain from it being me sitting here next to you and not Carol is as clear as the nose on my face." She reached into her coat pocket, "I've been caring these around since I moved back to Chicago, the only reason they aren't signed is because I've been to scared to. You need to listen to your heart Doug and do what it tells you too with Carol. She'd be nuts to let a man like you get away."

Doug bit his lip. it had been a long time since he had gotten a compliment like that from anyone. he looked up at the ceiling to keep his emotions down. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I do love Carol. and she makes me so happy but lately things have just been..." he couldn't find the right word to end his sentence. ," She had wanted to come back here for a long time, and I had always been able to convince her not to. but after I got laid off in Seattle there weren't anymore reasons I could come up with. when we finally got here she was so happy and I wasn't...there's a lot of bad memories here. Kerry... Romano..." Doug paused before saying the next name. "and Mark." Doug had to stop when he said his best friend's name. "I'm sorry I'm not making any since am I?"

"No Doug you are making sense." She said to him as she patted his leg. "Chicago isn't a place that makes you happy. Losing Mark was hard on everyone he was a great doctor, friend, and teacher. You can't make yourself happy in a place that holds nothing but sad memories for you. I don't understand why Carol would want you to see a shrink over that. Moving from one place to another is stressful and it just takes time to adjust. It sounds like she's not be understanding to your needs."

Doug looked at his feet. Anna didn't understand because she didn't know the whole story. "well it's not that simple." he didn't know how to start but he hoped Anna would understand. "A month before we moved I started drinking a lot more. I guess you could say that's when our relationship started to go downhill. I didn't feel like I could talk to Carol about it because she seemed so happy. things went like that for awhile. then the day after we got here I guess I just lost it with her. I said something about getting my job back and I guess I felt she wasn't supportive and I yelled at her. then every time we talked after that it ended in a fight. I think what scared her is that last time we talked. we were yelling at each other and I grabbed her wrist pretty hard. when I realized that I scared her it killed me inside." Doug took a deep breath. it was nice to talk to someone who just listened. "its just hard because she has so many friends...and I don't really have any. I just think I screwed it up too many times with her to fix it. she really wont budge on the shrink thing...and I cant do that again."

"She told me you hit her Doug and I found that pretty hard to believe. I have seen you kick some grown men's butts but I found it hard to believe that you would hit a woman." She said looking at him. "You're drinking is the drinking and there's worse things that you could be doing. If you can't see a shrink then you can't. You'll always have me as a friend." She said to him. Anna stretched out on the couch with her head now in Doug's lap. "You have to do what's right for you. You can't go thru life bending to please everyone around you, even those who we love." That was the one piece of advice that she hadn't managed to take herself.

Doug ran his hands through her hair. "I wouldn't hit her...you have to know that. Just like I'd never hit you." Doug was glad Anna wasn't judging him. She was actually listening and trying to help him solve his problem. "and I guess you're right. I don't know how she'll take it though if I tell her full out I wont see anyone. I mean there just aren't too many other people who I think I could love and who could love me." he slouched down into the couch to get more comfortable. "relationships are hard you know? especially ones that have lasted as long as ours has."

"I know that relationships are hard." Anna said, "sometimes ending them is even harder. I've been with Max now for over 6 years longer if you count all the off again on again and I can't find the strength to leave. I would love for Max to be strong enough to be able to walk away from the precocity for good, but after four years of hearing it, it's not going to happen. Carol is strong a woman. But she needs to let you do what is right for you not what she thinks is right for you. And you have to do what is right for you." Anna looked up at Doug. "Just like I know that I have to sign those papers. Life will go on and I guess Mr. Right is out there somewhere. I just hope that I can find him. You don't happen to have a twin brother running around somewhere do you?"

Doug smiled. "Ahh Anna, you could do a lot better than someone like me. I'm surprised you spent the whole night with me to begin with." Doug was going to bring up his occasional overuse problem with his knee medication but after hearing about Max, decided better of it. "I know you'll be ok. you're a great woman."

"I'm comfortable with you Doug." She said. "I guess I just have this natural attraction to the bad boys. That's all there is to it. You're easy to open up to, you seem to have all the right words, you listen, and hey you haven't let me fall flat on my face yet."

"Well I do my best" he said rubbing his eyes. "I owe you for tonight. I don't know what I would have done if I had been alone." Doug glanced at his watch and sighed. "we're both going to be dead tomorrow. too bad we both couldn't call in sick." Doug lifted her head up as he stood. "come on I'll tuck you in." with that he exaggerated a grunt as he picked Anna up and threw her over his shoulder. "Ahh!" he yelled joking as he ran for the stairs with her. he held her tight making sure she wouldn't fall and bounded up the steps. "at least I'll get a workout tonight carrying you. just try not to throw up on me!"

Anna broke into hysterical laughter. "Doug don't! No! You're going to kill yourself!" She screamed as she felt them bounding up the stairs. "Doug Ross you put me down!"

Doug practically fell into the first room he could find. He set Anna on the bed and fell beside her laughing. after he got himself under control he rolled over to catch his breath. "man! I always prided myself in being strong but that was hard." he laughed again and sat up. "Ahh... well I hope this room works for you cause I don't think I can bring myself to take you anywhere else." Doug stood up and smiled at Anna. "I'm in the room across the hall if you need anything ok?"

"Do you have an extra shirt that I could sleep in Doug?" She asked him. "This room is fine. I wouldn't want you to even think about carrying me anyplace else."

"Ahh actually I do have a shirt for you. there are toothbrushes and stuff in your bathroom I believe. I'll be right back." Doug closed Anna's door and walked into his room. he got undressed and put on his flannel pants. he searched for an extra shirt but couldn't find one. instead he grabbed the night shirt he wore the previous night. quietly he walked from his room into the hallway. without a shirt on the cool house air made him shiver. he gently knocked on Anna's door and slowly opened it. "got you a shirt."

"Hey thanks Doug." Anna said to him. She couldn't help but glance at him with out his shirt on and she could feel the blood under her checks making her blush. Carol was a lucky woman he was a fine looking man. A dang fine looking man.

"No problem, as long as you don't mind a faint Doug smell." he joked tossing her the shirt. "you find everything?" Doug walked a little further into her room. "Are you feeling ok? You look a little red."

Anna looked at Doug, then the shirt, then the floor, then Doug again, "Umm, uh, uh," she stuttered. God she felt like a teenager with a crush on a high school boy.

Doug walked closer to her and put his hand on her forehead to see if she had a fever. "I'll feel bad if I got you sick." he tilted his head to the side to look her in the eye and gave her a big grin. "Why don't I get you something to drink?"

Anna just nodded she was almost afraid to open her mouth. She couldn't take her eyes off him. She sat down on the edge of the bed afraid that her legs weren't going to hold her up, because her knees were shaking so bad. "Carol is one lucky lady." She meant to say under her breath but it came out a little louder than she had intended.

Doug had turned around when he heard Anna say something. "What?" he asked spinning back to face her.

Anna now wanted to melt into the bed. She couldn't believe that she had said that out loud. "Carol is lucky." She managed to mutter. "You," Anna shook her head back and forth, "are well umm," Anna swallowed hard as she blushed, "are really good looking."

Doug tried to cover his blush. "Ok, now I know you have a fever...you're hallucinating! I'll be back with some tea stat!" he joked. Doug went to leave and left the door cracked before he left he stopped again. "why don't you change, I'll be back in a second." with that he headed back downstairs. he smiled all the way and while he was getting her a glass of water. he hoped the reaction he was getting wasn't because of the fact that she had been drinking. after he filled a glass with water and grabbed a few aspirin he headed back upstairs. he tapped twice on her door and waited for a response.

Anna slipped out of her clothes and into Doug's shirt. It felt like it was a hundred degrees in the room right now even with just Doug's shirt on. Her heart was pounding inside of her chest. Dear lord please don't let him think I'm an idiot, or a drunk idiot. She heard a knock on the door. "Come in." She called out.

Doug heard her voice and opened the door. Even in his tee shirt she looked beautiful. he walked over and sat down next to her on the bed. after handing her the glass of water he felt her forehead again. "you still feel kind of warm so a brought you some aspirin." he handed them to her. he couldn't help but smile seeing her in his shirt. "ok, let me tuck you in."

"Doug," Anna said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, "please tell me that you don't think that I am a drunken babbling idiot." She had sobered up enough while they were laying on the couch talking that it wasn't the alcohol that had been flowing thru her that had now made her blood boil. She knew that he was with Carol and that she was married but even knowing that didn't change what she was feeling inside right now. It had been months since she had felt so alive.

Doug gave a wink as he pulled back the sheets for her to crawl into. "No, I don't think you're a drunk babbling idiot." there he was, back in a bad position again. he had debated what he was going to do when he was downstairs. He really did like Anna, the last thing he wanted was to push he to do something, or make a mistake and ruin his relationship with her and Carol. he pulled the sheets over her and set the glass aside. "I think you're...beautiful." with that he leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight Anna." he kept his face close to hers, waiting to see what she would do.

"Please don't go," she said softly as she brought her lips up to his, "I want you to stay."

Doug felt a zing go down his spin as Anna kissed him. he closed his eyes tightly; he didn't know what to do. he really liked Anna, and could see himself being with her, but he had Carol. "I want to stay too." he had to take a deep breath before finishing. "but Max would kick my ass."

"Can we please forget Max," Anna said as she pressed her lips against Doug's again. "I'm not going to let Max push another person out of my life."

Doug's head spun. he didn't know what to do. he knew this would end all hope of getting back together with Carol if she found out, but he felt good with Anna. he had to sit down. he sat on the bed and put his head down. "I don't know Anna." he sighed, he couldn't believe this was happening now. "I really like you...really. but I got to...I don't know what to do." he held his head in his hands. he knew the right thing to do was to leave, but everything in him was forcing him to stay.

Anna got down on her knees in front of Doug; she put her hand under his chin and looked him in the eyes. "Doug, I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. I don't want you to wake up in the morning and hate me." She said to him, "I'd rather have you as friend than have you hating me. But I'm not going to lie to you either, I find you attractive and I haven't felt this way in a long time. What do you want? Tell me what you want Doug."

Doug locked eyes with Anna. "I want to be with you...but I have to know what's going on with Carol first. I hate how this is, and please don't feel bad. If I wasn't with Carol," Doug stopped and touched her face. "Then I'd be with you. I just can't until I know."

Anna nodded, "I don't feel bad, I understand." She said to him, "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep please. I don't want to be alone. I'm not asking you to do anything Doug." Anna didn't take her eyes off Doug. She could see the torment in his eyes and she could feel his pain. She wanted to take that pain away but she knew she couldn't.

To that Doug agreed. "Yeah I will." with that he took Anna's hand and pulled her up with him. he slid under the covers and held them up until she did the same. with one arm above his head he wrapped the other around her waist and pulled her back to his chest. "Goodnight" he whispered and kissed the back of her head. It felt good to have someone next to him. within seconds of closing his eyes he was asleep.

Anna snuggled in next to Doug. She closed her eyes feeling the closeness and the warmth. There was no yelling, no fighting. For the first time in nearly 6 years she felt at peace. Whatever came out of this she knew that she had a friend that she could count on? She also knew what she needed to do in the morning. Doug had said that he was on a six that would give her time to find a way to get the papers ready to send to Max and put her marriage out of its misery.