Naruto's finger inched along the page, producing a dry, rasping scratch that put Sasuke on edge despite the fact that he was seated two rows away and could not even hear it. When Sasuke wanted to take issue with something he found a way. Naruto squinted and leaned into the open book on his desk, really eyeing the shit out of a line that gave him pause.

Kiba started tearing up a little, though he would never admit it. It was like Naruto was his own, special little guy, and he was finally all grown up. And by special he meant retarded. And by 'all grown up' he meant no longer illiterate.

"Use your phonetics." Kiba goaded, "c'mon, work it out."

Naruto grunted and seemed to writhe in his seat, as though the act caused him significant strain. "S… See… See spo… Spah… See spot ruh… S… See spot runnn."

"Wow." Kiba said. "Don't freak out, but I am genuinely proud of you."

"Holy fucktits look at that little bastard run." Naruto said, jabbing at the dog on the page. "That little kid's chasing him and he doesn't even give a fuck."

"Well hey, let's not get too caught up." Kiba said. "Next page, keep it up. You're learning, man. You are actually learning something."

"Pff." Naruto scoffed at the next page, gesturing that the little boy chasing after the dog. "Look at this little shithead trying to catch Spot." He leaned it and shouted as though the boy would hear him, "you're not gonna catch him motherfucker! He's fucking off the chain and doesn't play by the rules!"

"Yeah, read though." Kiba said. "You can comment after you read-"

Naruto turned the page and gasped. "Holy fuck - go Spot go! Run motherfucker they're onto you! Holy hell this shit is intense! The fuck did you find this book Kiba?"

Kiba's mouth opened. He sat there, mouth slightly agape as Naruto turned the page.

"Oh FUCK they got him! Spot! SPOT! Fucking someone get in there and help him!"

"No, I mean it's a book-"

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Naruto leaped head-first into the book, violently knocking himself unconscious and splitting the table in half. Two rows away, Sasuke slowly pinched the bridge of his nose.

Iruka, poised at the front of the room and ready to continue his lecture, smacked his lips. "Kiba." He said. "This is why we don't teach Naruto things."

Kiba turned away from Naruto's prone maybe-corpse, shaking his head. "Uh. My bad."

"Did you learn your lesson?" Iruka asked.

"Fuckin' I guess."

"And that's why I'm the teacher."

END

an: These oneshots all start as one-liners. The outline for this one was: "Naruto shouts at picturebook: 'run motherfucker!'" Thus is the burning intellect you are dealing with.

Also, Blarb: your intentions are still unclear to me.