Iruka was mid-lecture. Shikamaru was sleeping on the floor, having fallen from his chair. Kiba was waiting for the inevitable. Then sure enough there was a disturbance: footsteps came from the hall. Kiba checked Sasuke for confirmation and saw him clench, and then he could only sigh, and pray.
"Holy shit." The door exploded, showering the room with shrapnel and potentially blinding Shikamaru. Naruto was there in the frame, covered in dirt and scratches. "Sorry I'm late guys I fell down a goddamn mineshaft."
Iruka said, "Did you just use the door?"
"Because apparently Konoha has fucking mineshafts everywhere. I –what?"
"You just used a door like a human."
"Well I've been stuck in a mine for like a week. I'm off my game okay."
"I saw you on my way in this morning. You were using ladders as stilts, remember?"
"All I remember is workin the mine." Naruto said, "Digging for gold and dreams, and putting food on my kid Naruto junior." He paused. "I mean, like on his plate. Not on him directly."
"Naruto I saw you less than twenty minutes ago."
"You calling me a liar?" Naruto tensed up, "are you invalidating my backbreaking, painful scratching bleeding week of labor? Look at me. Fuggin loogame! Okay! I smell! I smell like farts! And my foot hurts! And I can't find Naruto junior! I think! He's been kidnapped, and raped! Like right now! Someone is raping him right now! And you tell me I ain't done shit? Fuck you!"
"What?"
Kiba said, "Iruka I think he fell in that pothole by Ichiraku's."
"Oh yeah then how do you explain all this gold I excavated?" Naruto reached into his pockets and pulled out two large handfuls of loose dirt. "Wait wrong pockets, sorry." Naruto jittered around for a second, seeming unsure of what to do with himself. "Guys I need someone to hold my dirt."
"I don't know if you've seen it, Iruka." Kiba continued, "It's like a five minute walk that way, I think it's getting bigger. Yesterday it ate Chouji."
"Oh, that one?" Iruka nodded, "Yeah I guess that'd be it."
"I'll put it here for now." Naruto walked over and plopped his handfuls of dirt on Sasuke's desk. "Don't touch my dirt Princess Sokahontis."
Sasuke had an aneurism.
Naruto started fishing around in his pockets again. "I have gold in here somewhere I swear. Ok. Oh, here it is."
"Five bucks says it's rocks."
"Eat your own asshole, Kiba." Naruto pulled out a spider the size of a dinner plate. "Also give me five bucks. See what I ha-OHGODBLARG" It leaped directly onto his face, the force knocking him over. Everyone started screaming. Iruka retrieved a broom and started beating at Naruto, mostly hitting his legs and shins.
END
an: pretty uninspired I know. just wanted to put something out there so you guys don't think I'm dead. Been butthurt about life and junk, not doing much of anything.