Chapter 40

Carol had overheard Romano talking to Kerry about Anna. Her friend was dying. She ran upstairs. She knew Doug would be there. He might have put on a straight face in telling her that there was nothing between them she knew better. She stood outside Anna's room not wanted to intrude on them. They needed to be able to say goodbye to each other. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she watched Doug.

Doug felt her slip away in their kiss and lost it. He sat back in his chair and touched her face. She looked so beautiful. He pushed the hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. He fought the feelings of sickness. He wanted to be with her but he had to say goodbye. He stood up and gave her one last kiss. When he turned his head he saw Carol out of the corner of his eye. He knew she was mad at him but he needed someone to be with. He couldn't be alone right now. Slowly he made his way to the door. He saw her tears and he let himself cry too. He wanted to respect her wishes but something inside him push and he reached out and grabbed for her. Doug pulled her into a hug and let go.

Carol held onto Doug as the tears flowed freely, "I am so sorry," She whispered, "I know it hurt baby I know it hurts. I'm not going anywhere. Life's to short. Forgive me baby."

Doug couldn't talk. He just held onto her. after many minutes he got a better hold of himself. he was shaking and couldn't stop. "I need to get out of here. Can i come home tonight please? i don't want to stay by myself?"

Yes," She said still holding onto him, something inside of her didn't want to let go of him. "Why don't you grab your stuff, I'll find Kerry and the others and let them know. Doug please, I want to make us work." She said her eyes drifting into Anna's room "I don't want that to be us."

Doug took a breath and was more calm. "Ok, you go down. I'll be there soon." The last thing he wanted was to deal with everyone else who knew Anna and for them to see him like this. He was shocked that Carol had changed his mind. He didn't know if it was something he had done...or if seeing Anna made her realize something she hadn't but he was glad he didn't have to go through this alone. He walked back into Anna's room and looked at the doctor who was turning off the machines. "I can do that." he said softly taking the IV out of her arm. He hurt to see her like that. She just looked like she was asleep...like after they had made love. He leaned down and kissed her again and let go of her hand one last time.

Carol slowly walked away, giving him a little space to grieve on his own. She took the elevator and walked out into the ER. She saw Kerry and Romano standing at the admit desk, as she crossed over to them. Her eyes saying more than she wanted them too. "I'm sorry," She said softly, "Anna's gone."

Romano looked at Carol for a minute. Before slamming his fist down onto the desk. For a minute he looked almost human and he knew it, "that SOB." He said before he stormed off.

Kerry didn't say anything. She was shocked to learn that another one of her staff member was no longer with them. She stopped what she was doing and turned to head into the lounge. Carol followed to grab her things and wait for Doug to come down. She watched Kerry sitting there her face almost expressionless.

Robert had walked back upstairs fuming that a man, a stupid man, had cost him yet another brilliant doctor. It had been several years since he had worked to safe Lucy and wasn't able to do it and now here he was faced with Anna. Not that he had invested much in her, but still was still a member of his staff. He paused, Doug was in there with Anna, "You know there are nurses to do that." He said to him.

Doug finished cleaning up Anna and was surprised to hear Romano's voice behind him. "I know." he said to him. "But I wanted to." He took a quick look back at Anna and then turned to walk away. "Thanks for doing what you could. I know she appreciated it ...and so do I."

Robert thrust his hands into his pockets. He wanted to strangle Max with his bare hands. "I'm just sorry that we couldn't do more. She was an asset to the hospital." He said as he headed for the door, "we'll hold a memorial service for her in a couple of days here." He couldn't hold back the sarcastic remark, "and if her so called husband shows up, he'd better pray to god that I don't find him."

Doug followed Romano out of the room. "Yeah I'll kill him this time. i should have done it before." his voice wasn't sarcastic like Romano's but dead serious. Doug knew that if he saw max he would loose it. Doug took the stairs to avoid anymore time in the hospital. he walked into the ER and looked around for carol.

Carol slowly walked out of the lounge. She had cleaned out Anna's locker for Kerry so that they could give the space to Luka or the new med student that was starting. She couldn't understand what Kerry was saying to her thru the tears. Carol was almost surprised at how little had been in there. She had seen the inside of several doctor's locker's before and none of them had ever been so bare before. She walked over behind Doug slipping her free hand around his waist. "Hey."

"Hey" Doug said back and put his arm around he shoulders. "you ready to go?"

Susan had heard all that had happened and couldn't believe it. she had just talked to Anna yesterday and now she was gone. she saw Doug and carol together and decided that she would talk to them later. the ER seemed to have come to a stand still. she walked over and saw Abby sitting down by admit. "hey Abby" she said in a sympathetic voice.

"Yeah, I'm ready." Carol said to him trying to decide what she should do with the box.

"Hey Susan, bad news huh?" Abby said as she wished for the phone to ring, "you haven't seen John have you?"

Doug took the box from her. "This Anna's stuff? She asked me to take care of that." he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "come on." he said softly walking out with her. "you drive or take the EL?" Doug really didn't want to drive. he wanted to go to his house, take a bath, get something to eat and go to sleep. for some reason he thought if he got to sleep he would wake up and things would seem better.

Susan sat down next to her. "No i haven't seen Carter. How long have you been looking for him? just call his cell."

"I walked." She said holding onto him. "I was huh clearing my head. The girls are at moms. You look exhausted Doug. Why don't we just take the EL? We'll get you home and into bed. Things will look better after you get some sleep. When was the last time you slept, or had anything to eat?"

"I've tried his pager and his cell. I have looked in just about ever nook and cranny in this hospital." She said to Susan. "I haven't seen his since that trauma, so I guess since about 1 am."

Luka smiled sadly as he watched Carol and Dr. Ross leave the ER. But he knew for their girls, it was the best thing. He took another chart and lost himself in work.