It was early and vaguely summer and Naruto was in no mood for games. He stormed into the Academy with a purpose and a horrid itch that would have to wait. "It has come to my attention that retinas are like tiny buttholes for your eyes." He said, looking at Sasuke and Kiba expectantly. "Well?"
"…I honestly have no idea where this is going." Kiba said. "Do you even know?"
"No."
"What the fuck is my life." Sasuke muttered. "What even is. I don't."
"Exactly, good job Sash Bandikute." Naruto turned back to Kiba. "So? Your thoughts?"
"I have none."
"Ah… Ah." Naruto nodded appraisingly, "Excellent. Impressions?"
"I left a sizable one in my memory foam pillow this very morning."
"They can't be trusted I've told you this before, but don't try to change the subject. Guys." Naruto spread his hands. "What are we going to do about this?"
"Memory foam pillows?" Sasuke ventured.
"No, Smith-and-wife. Puckered eye holes."
"Look Naruto your names for me have been slipping lately and I'm st-"
Naruto smashed his hand on the desk, his face immediately scrunching up in pain. Still the effect was as intended, all conversation in the classroom cut out.
"Guys." He said tersely, lips pinched, "I don't think you understand the magnitude of this situation. Your eyes. Have. Buttholes."
"… So?" Sasuke said.
"So? So! So ré me fa si DO!"
"Yeah. So?"
"Oh." Naruto deflated. "I don't know. I thought you knew."
"I don't know. Why would I know?"
"Wha?" Naruto drew back, appalled and still itchy. "You always know, man."
"I don't, though." Sasuke said. "I never know, remember?"
Naruto's face went blank for a moment, then he gave a snorting laugh. "Oh yeah huh."
"Okay wait…" Kiba said, "what's… I mean, what are we doing?"
"I don't know."
END
an: guys I don't