A/N: Thanks to everyone who has review it means a lot to those of us who have worked on this. It's a project that has been in the works for about 2 years now, and there are probably close to 200 chapters that I have been working on editing to post on here to share with everyone. This has been the efforts of several people not just one writer. Credit for those who have written this is on the profile page. Thanks again for the reviews and I hope to be able to keep getting the chapters up with relative speed, although with college classes starting up here soon studying will be priority. But I should be able to keep the updates fairly fast and regular with a little help from my friends.

Chapter 40

Susan went with Abby to the phone. As Abby dialed the number Susan looked for Kerry. Finally found her standing near Luka. "Dr. Weaver, you should probably come here for a second."

Kerry pulled away from Luka looking toward Susan as she started over to them, "what is it Susan?" Kerry asked as she saw the worry in her face. Kerry couldn't help but wonder what else could be going wrong on a day that had been nothing but terrible from the start.

Carol managed to somehow sleep for awhile. But sleeping in the middle of the day wasn't something that she was good at. She saw Doug sleeping on the couch. She quietly slipped by and started the coffee pot before grabbing the paper off the front porch. She tossed it on the table before she opened the cupboards for a cup and the retrieved the milk from the fridge. She glanced at the clock. The girls should be at preschool by now.

They would be happy when they came home and saw that Daddy was home again. She hoped that being near the girls would make Doug feel a little bit better. She sat down at the kitchen table and undid the paper. The headline caught her attention seemed that word traveled fast. Chicago area physician charged with homicide. "Wow', she silently muttered. Doug didn't need to see this, she thought as she picked the paper up and dropped it in the recycle bin. There was never good news anyway. She decided that she would keep herself busy by scrubbing the kitchen. Anything to take her mind off things. She got the cleaning stuff from the cabinet and set in.

Susan looked at her with wide eyes. "It's Carter." she said pointed to the broken pager and Abby by the phone. "I think something's happened."

Doug tried to ignore the new sounds he heard a go back to sleep but after twenty minutes of forcing it he decided to get up. He stood up from the couch and stretched his back. He was sore all over. He sleepily walked into the kitchen to find the source of the noise. he smiled when he saw Carol. "Good..." he looked at his watch."almost afternoon." he said with a smile. he wiped the sleep out of his eyes and noticed the cleaning sprays out. "What are you doing?"

"Oh god," Kerry said, "what else can go wrong today. Where was it?"

Carol looked up, "trying to be quiet, yet keep busy. I didn't want to wake you, besides the kitchen needed cleaned."

Luka caught Kerry's eye, to will her strength.

"Out side the supply closet." Susan said. "Abby's calling the police."

"Ahh that's ok. i needed to get up anyway. so what's the deal, are you on today?"

"Okay that's it." Kerry screamed. "I have one doctor in the morgue and one now that is missing. I have been working for 36 hours straight. I am going into the lounge and I am laying down on that couch...don't anyone need me for the next 15 minutes."

"Nope I'm not on today unless something comes up and they get short handed. I'm on-call today." She said pushing her hair back from her face, "what about you?" She said knowing that he needed to take some time off but she wasn't sure if he would or not. After Mark died he seemed to have thrown himself into his work even harder than before.

"Kerry," he said softly, laying a hand on her arm, "Let me get you a glass of water, and you can rest. I won't let anyone interrupt you for a half an hour. Then you can try to deal with this again. I will stay, and see more patients.

Kerry stopped for a minute and listened to his soft voice. She nodded, "thank you." As she continued into the lounge.

Luka watched Kerry drop onto the couch like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. He didn't know what would be more helpful to her, for him to stay with her or to see patients. He handed her the glass of water and just watched her for a moment.

Susan's eyes widened when Kerry had her outburst. "ooook" she said turning back to Abby. "are you getting through?"

Doug sighed. "I'm not on today but I feel like I need to do something...how about we grab some lunch soon. I need to swing by County and grab some charts. I promised Anna I'd drop off some money for ped's for her." he had to pause after saying her name. it still didn't feel like she was really gone. "was there a check in her locker?"

Kerry looked up, "thank you Luka. I'm sorry that I lost it like that."

Abby looked at Susan and nodded. She was waiting for them to connect her to a detective

Carol didn't take her eyes of Doug, "I didn't see one, but you might want to check that box, it might have been in there. We can go when I finish this."

Luka smiled at her, "I think your entitled to a little burn down after the day you have had."

Kerry tired to smile, "No this is my ER and I need to be professional, don't hold my human side against me."

"I look forward to getting to know your human side," Luka said, "when things settle down."

Doug looked at the coffee table. "Oh yeah, i forgot." he said. he turned to walk away and sat down on the couch grabbing the small box. "This was all that was in her locker?" he asked surprised. Doug rolled his neck and took a breath before opening the top. there were only a few things in there. he pulled out her stethoscope and set it aside. after a second he pulled out two envelopes. one he could tell was her check that she wanted him to donate. he turned the other over and was surprised to see "Doug" printed in her handwriting on the front. "was i meant to read this?" he thought to himself. he glanced over to look at carol that was busy cleaning. hoping she wouldn't notice him reading anything he pulled open the letter to see what it said.

"I'd like that Luka." Kerry said.

Carter just sat there wondering where the hell he was, he was scared. He just wanted to see Abby again or Anna, he didn't know what to do. the man tied him up to a chair. "now I ask them for seven million dollars t o get you back doc" the man said

Carol looked where Doug was sitting there on the couch. "Hey what do you have there?" she asked him

Doug,

You are the greatest man I have ever known, kind, caring, considerate, and so full of passion. These last 2 days have been nothing but wonderful being able to spend my time with you. You're a man of many talents and one of your greatest is that of your ability to love with all your heart and soul. But I know that your heart belongs to Carol, it always has and it always will be. You are my best friend. You gave me the strength to follow my heart and end what had turned out to be the worst relationship of my life. You showed me what it was truly like to be protected and for a brief moment in time, loved. But you belong to Carol, and I can't be the one responsible for coming between two people who are so destined to be together. I don't believe in much, but the love that you have for her, is a love that I hope that I can someday manage to find myself. Take care of her Doug, find the way to make amends with her, make the peace that you can only find with each other. I can't say that I don't envy her, or wish that I could have been her. I can't believe that I am saying this to you, but Doug marry the damn woman before the greatest thing that you and I know slips out from between your fingers. But I will always be here for you as a shoulder to cry on and a friend to lean upon.

Now before I forget and keep going on, I owe you an apology. I hid something from you that I should have. It's going to come back and haunt me, I know it, but for my conscious to be clear I needed to at least try to tell you, things didn't go well with Max the other day and the accident with the coffee table, I kind of put my head into it, but hey what can I say I'm fine other than a headache, but I didn't want you to worry about me, you have this unbelievable knack for worrying about me. I know that if you are still reading this, that I either had something really awful happen and you were the one who had the job of cleaning out my locker cause knowing Kerry she needed it for someone...or I am on that flight to Dallas away from Chicago, and away from the painful past.

I will always love you,
---Anna

Doug felt the tears fall from his eyes. It was like he could hear Anna talking to him. Hearing Carol he quickly wiped his face and stuck the letter in his pocket. "Nothing. Just going through the box." Some things were just mean for him ...and this was one of them. Her words hurt in the way that love hurts, but it lifted a burden off of him. it was like she knew what he was feeling; like she knew they were destined to be friends.

Carol looked at Doug with Concern, "Doug I'm here for you, you know that right, but I want us to be honest with each other, but when your ready I understand" she said to him. Glad that they were talking again. "Are you off?" she asked him. "I was thinking we could do something with the girls tonight" she said talking about the twins

Robert flopped down on the couch in the surgeon's lounge. He could have gone back to his office but it had been a grueling long surgery and this was all the further his legs would take him right now. Even though it was early afternoon it felt like it had been longer. He had just spent 9 hours fighting to remove a clot wedged deep inside the brain with one of the best neurosurgeons in the world that he had flow over from Mercy. They had thought that they patient was dead, but her body wasn't ready to give up yet, and if the patient was not willing to give up, Robert surely wasn't going to give up. He hadn't spent all his time getting him where he was at to give up on a patient. Besides this one was special to him. He looked over at the phone grinning evilly to himself. He picked it up and dialed a pager number into it, simply entering the text, SICU now, not in 5 minutes, now... DR. R.

Kerry was silent for a minute as she looked at Luka, "Thank you for being a friend today when I really needed one. Things usually are not this bad around here. It's slow if you don't mind staying here and keeping me company while I try to relax for a minute."

Luka sat down next to her, and held a hand out.

Kerry took his hand, "I can't believe how peaceful it is in here compared to the hectic ness of out those doors."

Doug jumped when his pager went off. he looked at it wondering why he had to go in. "looks as if I'm on call today to." he said to carol standing up. "Romano probably just want to chastise me some more. i shouldn't be gone long."

Romano moved from the lounge out to the floor. He glanced in at his now recovering patient. Tubes and wired seemed to be everywhere, and would have a long road of recovery ahead. He glanced up at the clock. Being Chief of Staff had it's privies when it came to paging doctors. He went into the room checked the status of his patient, adjusted the flow of the IV's and medication, and then sat down at the nurses station with a chart in his lap waiting for to spring his newfound surprise on a very unsuspecting doctor.

"Oh" she said to him. "Would you want some company going up to Romano?" she asked knowing the guy wasn't really the nicest person to be around

Doug looked at her. "Nah...you stay and take a shower. only one of us deserves to have to go into work today. besides i need to think a little." after last night Doug needed some alone time. he walked outside and hopped on the EL. it didn't take him long to get to County. Slowly he made his way to the elevator and up to the surgical floor. he looked around for a moment trying to find Romano. not seeing him he walked to their admit desk. "could you page dr. Romano for me please?" he was still tired and didn't want to spend any more time at county then he had to. the sooner he could leave the better.