Chapter 48

Carter's snoring was keeping Anna awake and Romano was still in surgery so it would be awhile before she could get orders for something to sleep. She reached over for the phone and dialed Doug's number. She hoped that she wasn't disturbing him. She waited until she heard his familiar voice on the end of the line, "hey, hope I'm not bugging you, but Carter's snoring is evil."

Carter just watched as he woke up and felt Abby next to him. He smiled when he saw Doug and his girls visiting Anna. He was just glad Abby was with him

"Hello" Doug said answering the phone. He grinned when he recognized who it was. "Just stick a pillow over his head or something." he said joking back. Doug clicked the TV on mute and scooted back to lean against the backboard of his bed. "So what's up, everything ok?" Doug really didn't think that Anna was going to call he; he hoped that nothing had gone wrong, but rather that she just wanted to talk to him.

"Everything is okay." She said moving her self so that she was resting against her pillows. "You said that if I wanted to call I could, I'm not interrupting anything am I? I wasn't sure if you'd still be busy with the girls, I'd hate to intrude on father/daughter time."

"ha-ha, no actually i think we wore them out. they are already in bed. all it took tonight was a little cat in the hat." he said smiling to himself. "yeah i know i told you to call, mostly cause i know how it is to be in a room by yourself, and i didn't want you to be lonely...the other part is i thought i owed you a goodnight song." he said teasing her. "so really, what's up?" he said in a more serious tone.

She heard his voice change from teasing to a more serious nature as he asked her what was up. She wasn't sure what to say as her mind went in a million different directions all at once. "Nothing is up, just sitting here." She said she made a small but feeble attempt to change the subject, "I watched the Philly play for a little bit but what can I say other than that. There's not much to do. At least not until tomorrow when I am sure I will be wishing that I was still in this bed and not the mercy of that Nazi nurse in the hall and the psycho physical therapist."

Doug laughed hearing Anna. He liked the way she always seemed to make him do that. "Well, you know what they say...if it doesn't kill you it makes you want to kill the person doing it." he said with a small chuckle. "Yeah i was watching the bulls play on ESPN, but there's nothing like being there for real..." Doug wasn't sure what to say. he could have small talk with her for hours but it wouldn't get anything done. he wanted to know if she was in fact moving, but didn't have the heart to flat out ask her. instead he decided to side step the question. "you know i was telling Abby about how i use to sail. carol gets seasick so i was thinking that maybe when it gets warmer you could go with the girls and me."

She almost now didn't know what to say. The small talk seemed to have instantly ended with that one question. It would hurt for her to answer that one. She could side step it with a broad answer, blatant lie even, "I don't know about that Doug, I'm not very good with boats." She said knowing full well that if she was going to it would have to be when she visited her family that was here in Chicago. Part of her wanted so much to say that she'd stay, but deep inside her, knowing that she was complicating his life, made her want to run. "bite the bullet Anna and tell the man the truth', her conscious screamed at her, "But I think that maybe I might be able to work something out and go with you and the girls when the weather is warmer. Lake Michigan is a nice place to be in the spring and summer." How could she lie like that? Well it wasn't a complete lie, but even little white ones could get you into a lot of trouble. She had managed to completely side step the truth. She leaned into the pillows even further. Did he want her to stay? Could she stay? Seeing Doug with his girls had made her so happy for a brief moment in time, but if he was to not be with Carol would she let him be active in their lives, she couldn't be the one that came between them. She wanted them to remain friends for as long as she remained in Chicago, knowing as hard as it might be that was all they could be for now. "Sailing with Tess, Kate, and you sounds like it would be fun. Something that I would suck at but fun anyway." She almost wished that Romano would get out of surgery and knock her ass out so that she wouldn't have to have this conversation with him. She had to admit that right now she was being a chicken. But they needed to get it out in the open, maybe it would reduce some of the awkwardness that had developed between them, but she didn't know how to tell him, how to tell him the truth. "Romano said that if I can behave myself, he might let me out of this prison in a week."

Abby snuggled closer next to John. She was tired and it felt so good to be snuggled up next to him. She didn't open her eyes but whispered, "I love you John." As she drifted back to sleep.

Doug grinned. From what she was saying it sounded to him like she was going to stick around. "that's great Anna. if he doesn't I'll have to play SWAT again and pull you through the hospital window like i did for carter...yeah i think it would be fun to sail. if you like it ill take you back out so it can be just us." as soon as the words came out of his mouth he regretted saying them. "Uhh so anyway once you get back to work ill be a happier person, i think weaver has be overbooked on my shifts. i have 2 doubles in one week...the life of s peds doc huh?" just as he said that Kate walked into his room. "daddy i think there is something under my bed." she said with tears in her eyes. Doug sighed in the phone. "ok baby hold on a sec." he said to her. "hey Anna, i have to go kill the bed monsters. if you have any late night jones for contraband give me a call and ill hook ya up ok?" he said standing up and walking into the girl's room.

"Yeah go kill those bad monsters under the bed." She said, "I'll call you if I get anymore joneses for contraband." She reached over to hang the phone up, because one she said it she knew that there would be no going back on it, "I'll talk to you later Doug, I'm sorry. But I'm not working at County anymore." As she hung the phone up.

"Wha..." Doug looked at his phone as she hung up on him. everything had been going fine. had he said something wrong? the part that pissed him off was that he knew he had no way of calling her back. He tucked his girls back into bed and walked into his kitchen. he could only pace. "what the hell!" he said to himself. he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after this; he needed to know what happened. he would have left then and there to go and talk to her but he had his girls and he couldn't leave them home alone. he knew she had done that on purpose and it made him more angry than hurt. after drinking a glass of water and walked back into his bedroom. he knew there was nothing he could do about it tonight so he might as well try and get some sleep. he laid down wide awake and stared at the ceiling. he wished carol was home, at least then he would have someone to talk to. "maybe i was wrong" he thought to himself. "maybe she really doesn't like me. i mean i have a good thing with carol. why should i risk that to try and be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?"

What the hell had she just done? She'd kick her own ass but right now that wasn't physically possible. She laid there staring at the ceiling it was going to be a long, long night. Was she doing the right thing? Life could be so cruel. Nothing was right with this, but phones worked both ways. If he wanted to talk he could, if he wanted her to stay then he would tell her, wouldn't he? Right now she didn't know anything, but what her head and heart were screaming at her. She didn't think that he wanted them to go back to the way that things were and now she would know for sure, if he didn't call, if he didn't come by again, the deal would be sealed and she'd be on her way out of here. She didn't hold back her tears as they silently ran down her cheek.

Doug couldn't sleep. He dialed the number to the SICU. The nurse on the other end knew who he was and didn't like him much. She told him it was too late for Anna to have a phone call and to come by tomorrow when visiting hours were. "You don't understand...this is an emergency!" he lied. He was a doctor and he was pissed that a nurse wouldn't let him talk to a patient. "Damn it fine!" he said hanging up the phone hard. "Ahh this sucks." he said rubbing his face. Since he couldn't sleep he decided to jump in the shower. "Maybe that will help me think." he said to himself.