Chapter 49:

Anna against her better judgment couldn't let it go. She didn't want them to part like this. Nazi nurse out there could come in and take away her phone for all she cared. Besides, Robert wouldn't let her have to suffer. She knew that all she would have to do is bat her eyes and Robert would jump for her. As sick as that was, she knew it was true and didn't mind playing him to get her way. She picked up the phone holding it in her hands for what seemed like and eternity. She must have picked it up and set it down fifty times before finding the courage to dial it. What had her so scared? She couldn't understand why she would be so afraid of this. But what was this, was there anything there. Here she was alone, and she didn't know if the man on the other end of the phone was going to some how strangle her thru the phone or just flat out hang up on her. She dialed and waited. There were no excuses for what she had done. No rhyme or reason to why she was calling him back, but she knew that she needed to set this straight, even if it meant taking the wrath of an angry Doug, she couldn't blame him if he was upset.

Doug had the radio turned on in the shower. he let the water run over his head as he leaned against the wall. he didn't really understand what all was going on in his life but he trusted that things would work themselves out eventually. he had looked for such a long time for someone he could truly love...and now he had found two. he knew Anna would never tell him if he had anything to do with her decision to leave but he knew it was all about him. Doug figured the best thing to do was not to interfere with her life anymore. if she wanted to talk to him she would call or come see him. he never heard his cell phone ring in the other room. after a few rings it clicked to his voicemail. "Hey, this is Doug Ross. Sorry I missed you but if you leave a message I'll be sure to call you back." Doug stood in the shower and closed his eyes. it was the only time he had to be truly by himself all day. even when he was on the street it seemed like he couldn't think. he didn't know what had happened to him that some woman could just come into his life like that and twist it upside down. "Who does she think she is?" he said angrily out loud. after a moment he answered himself. "the woman with my heart." it hurt to say it out loud. like most things, Doug thought if he didn't say it then it wasn't true. as long as she never knew maybe he could save some of his dignity. he could easily play the stoic one and keep a stone face while he was around her. he would be the only one who would know it was an act. "that's the best thing to do" he said as he lied to himself. he knew if Anna ever did call him he would drop everything to make time for her...but if she didn't then he would somehow make it through the days...not quite as happy but he would make it none the less. although he didn't know where he stood with carol, he wasn't sure it would work out. the idea of them was great but in reality he knew they had both lost their spark, he knew Carol would realize it soon if she already hadn't. It was only a matter of time before he would be alone again.

His voice mail. How was she going to smooth it over talking to his voice mail? "Hey it's Anna, I was thinking that I might have overreacted earlier, you know those head injuries have a tendency to do that to you. But what I really want to say is that I'm sorry." She said into the phone. She didn't know if he was sleeping or just so pissed he saw the number on the phone and refused to answer it. "Yeah and well hey I'd love to talk to you but that Nazi nurse out there, well I think she really hates me. But hey you know what she's off. Thank god for small miracles. She's been out there all day giving me the evil eye. Okay guess I'm rambling now. I'm off to watch the snowfall." She said as she hung up the phone. And moved awkwardly into the chair. She put her feet up watching the snow flakes dance as they fluttered to the ground.

Doug turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. he threw a towel around his waist and walked into his bedroom to look for some warm night clothes. while he was looking for his flannel pants he saw the light on his cell phone blink. "who would have left a message?" he thought. "surely not Anna." he walked over and pressed the phone against his ear to hear who it was. he was really surprised to hear her voice. maybe he was wrong after all. he threw on his pants and went to grab some ice cream before going back into his room again. since she left a message all he had to do was press 'reply' Doug laid on his bed and pressed the button hoping she would answer the phone.

Anna jumped when her phone rang, who would be calling her this late, oh hell who would be calling her period. She sat up knocking the phone onto the floor, she watched as the receiver fell just out of her arms reach, "hold on god damn it come back here you bloody little phone. okay, okay who ever is on the other end hold on I can't get the phone." She said using her leg to catch the phone cord and pull it back to where she could reach it, "Sorry about that, hello."

Doug pulled the phone away from his ear. her voice was loud and it sounded like she was out of breath. "Uhh hey?" he said not quite sure what was going on. "just returning your call, actually i was about to hang up. everything ok?"

"Everything is fine." She said as readjusted herself in the chair, "I just had phone trouble, it well ran away from me." She said softly laughing, "and you know I can't bend over yet worth squat so I had to get creative to get the little bugger. I'm glad you called."

Doug laughed at her. "Gotta be smarter than the plastic." he joked. "Yeah sorry I wasn't here when you called, i was in the shower. but i did get your message." Doug was going to let her explain this one on her own time. he figured since she called him back she would have to lead the conversation for once.

"I uh, wanted to say that I'm sorry." She said taking a deep breath, "I know that wasn't what you were expecting to hear from me and I'm sorry Doug. I care about you I really do, but it's just that well," She was at a loss for words, "I want us to be friends Doug, nothing more than that right now. We both have a lot going on. I mean I'm facing a messy divorce; you have Carol and the girls. "She was silent for a minute."You and I have something special, the knack for knowing what the other one needs, I don't want to muddle that with trying to start a relationship, besides I heard thru the grapevine today that Doug and Carol are back together." She was glad that they were on the phone and not in person so he couldn't see her heart breaking, "But I don't have to take that job in Huston, I can pass on it...I'm sure that I can get back on the staff here once I get medically cleared."

Doug set the phone on his chest for a second. he didn't want to get into a fight with her but this was getting to be a little much. finally he picked up the phone again. "look..."Doug had to pause and think what he was about to say over."Don't put your life on hold for me...and don't tell me that you care about me." Doug could feel himself choking up but he had to say this. "I have plenty of people who care about me. I'm just really sick of this...I'm always feeling terrible, horrified of hurting you. Carol and I haven't talked yet so i don't know if we're back together or not but it shouldn't matter. it shouldn't change the way you see or feel about me." he could hear in his voice the anger he didn't want her to notice. he wanted to give her time to respond and himself a few moments to pull it together. "so much for being stoic." he thought to himself.

"Ohhh." She was so ready to scream, "Damn it Doug. I love you, and loving you means putting my life on hold. It means sitting and waiting for you to decide what you want, not what I want cause I know what I want." She would have throttled him if she could at that very moment. She tried to keep her voice low as to not to wake up Carter and Abby, they didn't need to know what she was saying, "I thought I had all the time in the world for us to sort things out, to sit in the wings and wait, but you know what having my head split open and my chest cracked opened my eyes that live was short and that I can't wait sit and wait for forever. I am not going to be a home wrecker, or come between a family. So what do you want me to do?"

"Ahh!" Doug yelled into the phone. "you are the only person that drives me this insane!" Doug bit his lip. he know he should shut up now and be smart but she had him too pissed off and he couldn't help it. "You know what...I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. Every time I talk to you I get hurt...I don't feel..." Doug's head was telling him to shut up but he was going down in flames and he couldn't stop. "I don't love you...i never have. these past few days have been a total nightmare! God help me it was a mistake. I'm sorry I kissed you and I'm sorry I slept with you. I used typical Doug Ross moves and got exactly what I wanted...a rebound relationship and I'm sick of dragging it on!" With that Doug slammed his phone closed. He sat in his bed and let his brain catch up with the words he had just said. "Oh damn it!" he said putting his head in his hands. There was no going back on it now; he knew she'd never forgive him after this.

Anna threw the phone as hard as she could nearly missing Robert's head. She looked up at him tears in her eyes. That had hurt, how dare he say that. She felt Robert sit on the bed next to her pulling her into a hug. She put his head down onto his shoulder and just cried. Letting him comfort her, she needed someone right now and he just happened to be there. She felt him stroke her back, and him whispering "there, there, beauty." Her eyes still full of tears, "I never want to see him again. Doug can go to hell." She said as he laid her down on the bed holding her hand as she sobbed herself to sleep.

"oh god damn it." Doug said to himself again. he threw himself back onto his bed. he almost laughed at how stupid he was. he sighed at he grabbed his alarm and set it for 5:30. "if she wasn't going to hate me before she does now." he pulled his blanket over him and tried to sleep. it was almost ten and he hadn't gotten good nights sleep since he had arrived in Chicago. after a half an hour he had calmed himself down enough to slip into a sleep. he convinced himself that he could avoid her...for tomorrow at least.