Authors note: Hello everyone! Here is the story that has been dancing in my head for so long! I almost completed it the first time I started writing it and I always knew where it was going. With the world going to x! i with the pandemic, I had abandoned it but now hopefully can find the inspiration I need to finally finish it. I'm still working on my SwanQueen stories. Including the promised ficlet for Wilder than the Wind for reaching over 300 reviews! Thank you for that! But I needed to get this story out.

This is a completely different story from anything I have ever posted on here save my one previous SVU story. I've always written fantasy for OUAT and this is most definitely not. This is entirely real world SVU and I have really enjoyed it thus far. I hope you enjoy this as well. It is oddly therapeutic for me in many ways and I thank the amazing show, creators and Mariska Hargitay for her wonderful work with victims of abuse.

Now without further ado, on to the disclaimers:

Characters: Olivia and Amanda are the primary pairing. This is a Rolivia story. Endgame is Rolivia with a slightly slow burn. If a consensual same-sex relationship is not your thing then please move on.

Rating: MA (NC-17)

WARNING: This is an SVU story. There are multiple mentions of murder, sexual abuse, physical abuse, rape and in general inappropriate and very disturbing content. There are mentions of serial killers, psychopaths and anything you would find in the show with explicit content. Please be forewarned as I do not wish to trigger anyone nor upset the reader in any way. This is NOT intended for younger audiences. Let me repeat…this is NOT intended for younger audiences. Please heed the rating of MA.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own SVU nor any of it's characters nor content. I take no monetary consolation over this. I am merely a humble entertainer borrowing some amazing characters, from incredible writers, creators and phenomenal actors. Any names or identification to persons (living or deceased) are unintentional and purely coincidental.

SUMMARY:Story takes place in the aftermath of Noah Benson's kidnapping with some liberties taken for the timeline. As Olivia and Amanda's friendship grows their relationship begins to take an unexpected turn. A new threat will throw a wrench in their lives that will propel the women to face their fears and their growing feelings.

Truths Unspoken

Chapter One

Friday May 4th

5:20 pm

It had been five days since Lieutenant Olivia Benson had returned to work after being home for three weeks with her son, Noah, following his abduction. Both she and Noah were still struggling to sleep and most nights she wouldn't stop him from crawling into her bed. This week had been difficult for more than just personal reasons. They had an unsolved case that had reached a halt. There was nothing to do now but wait for a miracle of evidence to turn up. It was Friday night and the lieutenant sat at her desk realizing there was nothing left to do except go home. Liv took off her reading glasses and pinched her nose as she closed her eyes. She sighed deeply; exhausted from the sleepless nights and her haunting memories of Noah's kidnapping…amongst other things.

Detective Rollins knocked lightly on her Lieutenant's door. In spite of how much Liv had been through recently Amanda could see her efforts to put on a brave face. But the pain was evident in her eyes and even though Amanda knew better than most that Liv would never open up, she could at least try to be there for her in case she allowed herself a moment of humanity.

Amanda had never fought so hard on a case. When they took Noah, it scared Amanda to the core. If someone ever tried to harm Jessie there were no limits to what she would do. Clearly, there was no end to what she would do for her friends either. The lines she crossed to get Noah back should have frightened her yet they only reaffirmed her conviction to these people that had slowly become her family.

"Hey." Amanda smiled.

"Hey." Liv tiredly answered back.

"So I was wondering? Would you care for some company tonight?" Amanda took a shy step forward as she continued. She didn't notice that Liv lit up at the mere promise of not being alone. "You see, Jessie and I have been meaning to watch Moana, but with our late nights this week and all…and well we figured maybe you and Noah would like to watch it with us?" Amanda smiled weakly. She was ready to be shot down.

Olivia looked down at her watch, "It's late."

Amanda's heart sank, "Yeah, yeah you're right." She did a half turn and beeline for the door.

Liv stood up, "So maybe you should bring pajamas?" Liv walked around her desk, "Jessie will probably fall asleep and I wouldn't feel right about you two leaving so late. I'll order take out?"

Amanda had a huge grin, "Yeah." Amanda hesitated, "I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Don't be silly. Having you guys over would make Noah so happy. And there's plenty of space in Noah's room for Jessie. And my couch is quite comfortable."

Amanda laughed, "Trust me, your couch will be just fine." She whispered to herself, 'I've slept in much worse.'

"What was that?"

"Just that I'll go get her pack 'n play and the rest of our things."

"Don't forget the movie!" Liv shouted as Amanda ran out before her friend would change her mind.

Olivia sighed for the tenth time that day once Lucy left. She hated admitting this to herself but this was a sigh of relief. It's not that she couldn't take care of herself and her son. But Amanda coming over tonight just made her feel more at ease than she'd been lately. It was just nice to have another person she could rely on. Perhaps tonight she could finally get some restful sleep. At this point she'd pay for it.

Liv was quickly tidying up when she heard a knock at the door. She raised her eyebrows and smiled at Noah as he said, "They're here."

Liv whispered back, "They're here."

She looked through her peep hole and quickly opened the door as guilt came over her. Amanda was standing there trying to balance Jessie on her hip while holding all of her things and trying to hang onto a very excited Frannie.

"Oh. Let me help you." Liv immediately took the stroller and the pack 'n play from her.

"Jessie started crying in the elevator. I swear I had everything under control when she was in the stroller."

"We should have gone to your apartment. You have so much more to carry."

"It's okay…you're place is bigger."

"Frannie! Jessie!" Noah yelled as Frannie ran into his arms, licking his face and Jessie squealed out of Amanda's arms to join them.

The two women looked at one another as Liv said, "It's like we're not even here. Noah come say hello to Aunt Manda."

"Jessie you too, give Aunt Liv a big hug and kiss."

Noah gave Amanda a huge hug and ran back to Frannie. Jessie gave Liv a big slobbery kiss and blew a raspberry on her cheek which earned a chuckle from Liv.

Amanda was so embarrassed, "I'm so sorry!" She pulled a napkin from her jeans and wiped Liv's cheek. It was a strange gesture and both women felt somewhat awkward afterwards. "I've been blowing raspberries on her tummy and well…"

"It's okay Amanda, she's adorable." Liv made her way to the kitchen and shouted back, "I decided to cave and got pizza."

"Yay Pizza!" Noah shouted.

"Pisa, pisa, pisa." Jessie copied as she jumped on the couch.

Amanda grabbed Jessie promptly, "Hey, no jumping on my bed tonight."

Liv came around with some paper plates and a two glasses of wine, "About that, I never meant for you to sleep on the couch. You should take my bed tonight."

"No way Liv. I am not kicking you out of your own room."

"You're not. It's my idea. Besides I can always sleep in Noah's room."

"Liv, no! I would never have agreed to this pajama party if I'd have known that." The women had quickly set up the kids with their pizza slices and sippy cups. Liv went to object again but Amanda held her hands up.

Amanda looked seriously at her boss, "Hey. I know you haven't been sleeping well." Liv huffed in response.

Amanda continued, "You don't have to tell me anything, I can see it in your eyes. Let me help? At least you'll get one night of decent sleep."

"Okay." Liv sighed in resignation then added, "Thank you, Amanda."

"Don't mention it."

Over an hour later Olivia and Amanda found themselves lost in the movie as each of their kids had respectively fallen asleep on their laps.

Liv paused the movie and whispered over to her, "I'm gonna go put him to bed." Noah was getting bigger and transferring him over from the couch wasn't as easy as it used to be.

Amanda nodded as she easily swept Jessie up in her arms, "Good idea."

Both women made their way into Noah's bedroom as they each tucked in their kids and gave them a kiss on the forehead. Noah, sleepily whined for Frannie to sleep on his bed which led to happy dog immediately jumping up and cuddling in with him. Liv mouthed to Amanda that it was okay.

The two women wordlessly stood on the doorway looking in on their sleeping children. They knowingly gave each other that look that only moms understood. They especially had developed their own deeper understanding of the "mom look." For theses two women knew more than most just how precious their innocence was. And how easily they could lose their children. Olivia looked down at her feet as this reality was far too fresh in her mind. Amanda took this as a cue to walk away hoping Olivia would follow.

She did.

They both sat back on the couch and Amanda poured them another glass of Pinot. She wanted to break the heavy tension, "I kinda really want to know if Moana's gonna make it."

She smiled and Liv laughed.

"Oh it's Disney. She'll make it alright."

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow morning. Jessie will never forgive me if I finish it without her."

"What if we don't tell them?" Liv mischievously laughed.

"Oh they'll know." Amanda squinted her eyes in mockery as if the kids were Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

"It's nice watching them play together." Liv thought out loud.

"Yeah it is. Jessie practically packed her own stuff when I told her we were coming over to Aunt Liv's."

Liv smiled then yawned tiredly.

"Looks like someone's ready to hit the hay." Amanda's southern drawl seemingly more pronounced as the night wore on.

"Do you mind?" Liv felt guilty going to bed if Amanda was still alert.

"Go, I've got some reading to catch up on." Liv stood up and began to help Amanda set up the couch with the blankets and comforter she'd brought out.

"What are you reading?" Liv added a second pillow for more comfort.

"Nothing really. Just a story based on a show. Fan stuff really." Amanda turned a shade of pink realizing she shouldn't have said anything about reading her racy fan fictions.

Liv gave her a quizzical look, "Ok, Rollins G'night."

"Night."

It was a couple minutes past midnight and Amanda was ready to put down her iPad. She'd gotten some quiet reading for almost two hours and had finally finished the story. The only problem was that it left her feeling a bit 'warm.' Amanda kicked off her blankets and turned on her side as she closed her eyes and clamped her legs tightly together. She mentally chastised herself, 'You are in your boss' apartment with her and your kids a few feet away! Get your mind out of the gutter!' She took some deep breaths to calm herself and let her mind wander to trivial every day errands in order to change her mind frame. A few minutes after, she gently drifted off to sleep.

Amanda wasn't asleep for more than thirty minutes when she was roused awake by a low whimper. Amanda thought she was dreaming but then the whimper sounded like a cry that wasn't Jessie's. She immediately shot up and reached for her weapon which she kept in a safe on her nightstand. But Amanda smacked her hand on the backrest of the couch. "Ouch!"

She was momentarily disoriented. That's when she remembered where she was. The crying was getting louder. Amanda bolted for the kids' room and stopped just short of Noah's doorknob when she realized she'd been right. The crying wasn't coming from the children; the whimpering was coming from Liv's room.

She approached the door tentatively, "Liv." She whispered.

The sounds were increasing. "Shit!" She whispered to herself. Amanda found no other choice but to open the door and see what was going on. She knew any minute both kids would wake up and start screaming themselves.

In her sleep filled haze Amanda had acted quickly but she was not prepared for what she found when she walked into Olivia Benson's room.