A/N: the updates are going to be a little more sporatic for this one sorry, but I have a heavy class load and yesterday I suffered a hard drive failure, which means I lost the chapters that I had on there. So it's going to take me a little longer now that I have to start from scratch moving them. I know it's a lot of Doug/Anna but remember it's an RPG board and I am taking the posts from there, so it's pretty much whoever was on at the time... sorry can't change that cause this was started 2 years ago.

Chapter 59:

Anna walked into the store and flipped thru the racks, she found several pieces to wear to work, jeans for crashing in, some oversized guy sweatshirts, she stood in front of the mirror in a dark red dress that tied behind her neck, the material floated down by her legs. This one would be perfect for that nice dinner, romantic music and good food date she was promised. After giving her credit card a good workout, she threw everything in the back of the car.

Her phone rang once more and she answered it surprised to hear her lawyer on the other end of the phone. She headed to his office where she talked with him for awhile before he gave her a stack of papers. She was thrilled. She hadn't expected this to go uncontested. As she headed back to the house she swung into a deli and got Doug some hot soup and some stuff for his cough. She was tired as she pulled everything out of the back of the jeep and headed into the house. "Baby I'm home." She called out as she stepped inside. Her day couldn't be going any better.

Doug slowly opened his eyes. "No way." he brought his head up and looked at his watch. "Ahh damn it! I wanted to have these done by the time you got home." he said with a cough. He looked behind her shoulder at her and smiled. She looked pretty happy. "You have a good day?"

"Yeah you know what I did." She said sitting down on the couch next to him, her pile of bags now next to her legs. "I shopped." She reached down, "some hot soup for my sick baby, and here some stuff for the cough of yours. You're lucky I'm a doctor." She said laughing, as she threw the papers from the lawyer onto the coffee table.

Doug smiled as he took the soup. "Alright you read my mind..." he glanced at the papers she threw on the table. He could guess what they were and opted out of that conversation for now. He leaned over and gave her a kiss. "I hope i get a fashion show later for some of the things you bought." he said with a wink.

"Ohhh you evil, evil man," She said laughing, "yes I'll show you what I bought later, well some of it. I do like to keep a surprise or two up my sleeve." She sat back on the couch. "Today couldn't be more perfect. I'm happy and here with my favorite man."

"Favorite, alright," Doug said smiling. "So i was thinking...maybe if I'm feeling better this weekend we could spend some time with my girls." Doug had never asked how she felt about kids or families. Just because she was a peds doctor he didn't automatically assume that she liked kids. Especially, not his. "And understand that you're under no obligation to say yes. I know a lot of women get freaked out when it comes to that kind of thing. So if you are, just say the word and I'll leave it alone."

"Time with you and your girls, I'd love too." She said smiling, "you know," She said putting her hand on his leg, "its part of the complete package, they are part of your life, I love kids Doug, whether they are mine or not." She got quiet for a minute, "it just happens that I don't have any of my own so I guess for now I just have to enjoy others. I have a job that allows me to be a part of several families. Granted working in the ER, I won't be able to get a close to the families as I did in Philly. But those will always be my kids. I don't want you to feel that you have to include me either, father/daughter time is important too, and well right now I'm kind of an outsider looking in." Anna stood up off the couch and put a big where she had been sitting, "these are for the girls, what can I say, I couldn't resist. I'm going to go lay down." She started to head towards the bedroom, "too much excitement today."

Carter looked at her again. "Ok, ok" he told her. "Your welcome" he said her. "I would like to get out of here sooner then later, this hospital seems to lead to bad things lately" he told her. "To me you smell nice any day" he told her

"Okay," Abby said sitting up and rubbing her eyes, "let me go chase down Romano and get your walking papers." She slipped off the gurney, "Don't go anywhere I will be right back."

Carol walked into the ER and saw Kerry at the desk, she was on today, and well she strolled in with the girls. They were going up to the daycare. "Morning Kerry, I will be right back down, I just need to drop these two little ones off at daycare" she said to her. Until Doug really got his act together she didn't want to see him around the girls.

"Okay Carol." Kerry said smiling as Carol walked by with the girls. "They sure are getting big."

Abby found Romano and got Carter's discharge papers all in order before heading back to the room, "okay Mister, let's blow this joint for awhile."

Carol smiled at Kerry. "Yea they are, there a handful at times to" Carol told her as she walked the girls upstairs' for daycare, and then came back down to start her shift. She just needed to keep her mind off of Doug. Carter smiled. "So i get to blow the joint" he said." Great let's go, but first where are my clothes" he asked as he slowly got out of the bed with the one good arm he had.

Abby tossed him a pair of scrubs. "These will have to do for now." She said smiling, "it's the best that I could come up with on such short notice."

John smiled at her as he took the scraps. "Thanks' he said to her as he used one arm. They were blue scrubs, he liked the color. He got dressed as much as possible as he could.

Abby smiled, "here let me help." She said as she untangled him and slipped his castled arm into the scrubs. "I know not the most fashionable of clothing but hey it's enough to get you out the door." She stepped back and pulled the wheelchair around, "hospital policy, sorry you have to ride out."

Carter smiled as she helped him get into the scrubs. "Hey that's great" He told her. When she had to mention the wheel chair policy, He had to moan about that. "Ugh but I can walk for myself" he told her.

Abby frowned, "okay look you want out of here and I want to keep my job. You know the rules John Carter." She said as she crossed her arms in front of her. "Get your cute little arise in that chair."

"All right all right, guess i can't argue with you today" he said to her as he sat down in the chair

She laughed as she started to push him out the door, "you will soon learn that you can't argue with me anyway. Men sure are slow learners on that one. Women are always right my dear."

"Us Men slow learners, isn't that a little bit mean" He said teasing her back.

"Mean, oh no, baby not mean at all." She said as she negotiated them into the elevator. "I'd never be mean to you. Besides I have this soft spot my man.

"Oh and what would this soft spot be?" Carter asked her as they were nearing the exit. He would be glad to get out of there as soon as possible.

Abby smiled, "in my heart baby, in my heart."

Doug followed her into the bedroom. "Hey" he said putting his arm around her waist. "That's a sweet thing you did." he said as he kissed her cheek. "You know, i think i could tough it out if you wanted to go somewhere fun close by. I could always beat you in darts again." he turned her around and put his hands on either side of her face. "I hate that we haven't had much fun lately." he said giving her a kiss.

"All right, cause I got a soft spot for you to" he told her. He said. "Can I stand now," He asked her wanting to get up from the chair

Anna smiled, "I don't know about that you're sick." She said wrapping her arms around the back of his neck. "But I suppose I could momentarily forget that for a little bit. Darts sounds fun."

Abby looked down at him, "Yeah sure." She said holding out her hand.

"Well what do you think doc? Will you let me out?" he joked. "I think my fever went down a..." he pulled away from her to cough. Ok that doesn't count." he said with a smile. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's a little after noon." She said, "I think that I can cut you a little slack." She smiled softly at him, "if you are sure that you are feeling up to it? Don't feel like you have to drag yourself out of this house on my account. I'm perfectly content, happy, free, and all yours."

"How about a walk in the park and some lunch, I really need to get out anyway." Doug said smiling at her. "It'll be fun, just let me change."

She smiled at him, "yeah sure that sounds like fun." She said sitting down on the bed, "oh," it was her turn to blush, "I guess you don't want me sitting here."

Doug laughed at her. "I don't care." he said grabbing some blue jeans and a sweater. "After the towel incident yesterday I couldn't get anymore self conscience." Doug said pulling off his shirt. "Although that whole scenario is not quite fair...me in the shower, you fully clothed. Once you get better you better be looking over your shoulder."

She laughed, "I'm not going to break. I am running miles on the treadmill now; I think my heart and body can take what ever you think you can dish out." She smiled now thinking back to him standing the bathroom with out the towel, "that was a sight."

"Hey" he said putting on his best pout face. "I'm...pretty fit right?" he asked looking down at his chest. Doug began to blush. "Ok you're right...get out of here you!" he said taking her by the hand.

"Hey now," She giggled, "I like what I see, I like what I see." Pulling free of his hand, "change already wills ya before my mind go much further of what I would love to do with a shirtless half naked man." She closed her eyes, her smile growing.

"See, that goes back to my theory that all women are evil." Doug joked slipping on his sweater and jeans. He sat on the bed and tired his boots. "Alright, let's head out." he said taking her hand. He walked over and grabbed her coat for her. "Park's just a couple of blocks if you want to walk." he asked setting his keys back down. "And speaking of running once you get cleared you should run with me. I need to get back into shape." he said opening the door for her.

"You don't listen to me do you?" She said darting out the door. "I'm cleared to run...what you think that they make me do on that treadmill." She stood at the bottom of the steps looking up at him, as she held out her hand, "I'd run circles around you. But do me a favor would you, stop reminding me that I have to be cleared to do everything, besides to you really want me to ask my doctor to clear me to sleep with you? Huh?"

Doug stood with his mouth open. He couldn't think of a witty remark to say back to that. "No" he said slowly making his way down the stairs. "But there is a difference between running on a treadmill with doctors near by and running on the street with a guy that could smoke ya." he said locking the door. "I won't say another word about being cleared i promise...just know I'm thinking it." Doug still felt like it was his fault she had gotten so bad the first time. He had almost lost her then and didn't want it to happen again. "As for tonight's activities go...you can consult me on that one." he said taking her hand and started the short walk.

'Boost the poor guy's ego Anna', she thought to herself. "Yeah you're right you could smoke me. And I guess that there is a difference. It's just really hard to take it so slow all the time. I miss working, seeing you in that trauma the other day reminded me how much I love what I do, and how much I hate not being able to do it." She said wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked. "And I know that you are thinking it, how could someone so caring not think about it. Look I don't know if I want to really say this or not with things going so perfectly between us," she shrugged her shoulders and laid her head on his arm as they walked, "oh never mind, forget that I said anything." His over protectiveness of her was giving her this odd feeling that he still felt that it was his fault that she was in the shape she was, but she didn't think that there was anything that she could say that would change the way that he felt. Besides she was the one who covered it up, she was the one who tried to deceive him by pretending nothing happened. Maybe there were something's that were just better left unsaid, they weren't that good at having anything better than light hearted conversations anyway. She didn't want to ruin whatever good thing that they had by opening her mouth and causing them to have some sort of argument, they had, had enough of those to last for awhile and she wasn't in the mood to have another one for a long time. She had almost lost the best thing in her life because she had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Doug breathed out. Being outside made him feel a little better. "If you ever change your mind about ending that sentence in never mind let me know." he joked. They reached the park and Doug went to sit down on a bench. He looked over at the concrete basketball court and smiled. "Oh man...i remember when carol tried to teach me how to roller-skate. That ended poorly." he said laughing at himself. "You can teach me someday." Doug took her hand in his to keep it warm. "I know what you mean about wanting to get back to normal...and you will. But for me, please just take it slow." Doug scooped up some of the snow from the bench and flicked a little at her. He wanted them to have a good time and not get into anything right then. There would be plenty of time for that later. "So did the groundhog see his shadow or what? Spring should be here soon."

"Spring will be here soon; how I can I say no, you know I will take it slow, but only because of you." She laughed as she brushed the snow off her, "oh no uh huh I am not teaching you how to roller-skate. What do you think that I am talented or something, I have no clue how to do that myself?" She said as she reached down and picked up a handful of snow grinning as she dropped it down the back of his coat and took off running knowing full well he would retaliate.

Doug shook of the snow and watched her run away. He got up and sprinted after her. She was faster than he thought so he kicked it into the third gear. Just as he was about to grab her arm the cold air filled his chest and he began to cough. He stopped and bent over. "Hey...lets not forget... I'm sick here." he said trying to catch his breath.

She stopped and turned back as she took the few steps to get back to his side, "oh god I'm sorry," She reached out and touched his arm as she kicked the ground. "I shouldn't have done that to you." She had this nervous feeling that getting this close to him right after dumping snow down his shirt wasn't a good idea, but his cough was awful and she had just made him sprint across a playground. "Are you okay?" She said letting her defenses down.

Doug nodded and he bent down further. "Yeah, i will be." he said picking up a glob of snow. "But i don't know about you." he put his arm around her and smeared the snow on her neck. His backwards momentum brought them both back into the snowy grass and he pulled her down on top of him. In an instant he took his cold hands and set them on her stomach inside her shirt. "Mercy is for the weak!"

"Ahhh!" She screamed, "Those are cold." She was on top of him and able to grab snow from the grass as she threw it at him. She rolled off him and continued her snowy assault.

Doug spit out the snow that had hit him in the mouth. He threw his hands up to cover his face and rolled away. He jumped up and threw a ball at her in midair. As it hit her he started to run away again towards the little kid's playground across the field. Doug jumped on the monkey bars and pull himself up to sit onto where he was out of reach. He let his feet dangle down and looked around. There was plenty of snow on the bars to keep her away, for a short time. "Come on! You chicken?" he yelled taunting her. He closed his eyes as he started to cough again. It hurt but he was having too good of a time to let it bother him.

Anna laughed, "you're going to break your neck up there you know that don't you." She said as she threw another snow ball at him. Miserably missing him completely. "I am not a chicken." She threw another too hard as she sat down in the snow. "Truce, truce."

Doug debated if it was a trick or not but decided to get down. He jumped off and held his hands up as he walked over to her. "Alright...truce" he said sitting next to her. Doug rubbed his hands together to get them a little warmer before wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on top of hers. Doug nudged her head up so he could look at her. Her rosy cheeks made her look even more beautiful. "I didn't think it was possible for you to look any better." he said with a wink

She smiled and let out a soft giggle, "You must be delirious with fever," she lowered her voice, "Oh ouch, and I think I popped a staple."

Doug's smile melted off his face and a horrible look of worry replaced it. "Oh damn...god I'm sorry for making you run around. Can you stand up...you want me to call someone?" Doug felt awful. He had been the reason for her getting hurt again

"Hey there super doc relax would ya." She said standing up, the look on his face almost scared her, "I'm not broken, and I'm not going to die. It's not the end of the world." She said looking at him, "Romano was going to take them out tomorrow. I just stretched wrong; it's not the first time." She said trying to ease his mind the best she could, "I'll be fine it just smarts to pull something that is embedded in your skin loose."

Doug dropped his head and laughed at himself. He knew he had over reacted. "Sorry" he popped his knuckles trying to think of something to change the subject. "You hungry for lunch yet?" he asked still looking at the ground. His hands shook a little even thinking about that night in the hospital. He hated looking scared or upset around her but she would never know how it felt for him to take the IV's out of her arm and sign the time of death. Even though she was fine now it was still hard for him to forget something like that. He quickly tried to push the image from his head. "She's here with you now." he told himself. "That's all that matters."

"Lunch sounds good." She said watching his hand shake and his eyes still cast downward. She knelt down in front of him placing her hands on his face, "I'm okay, what happened I can't change and I...I don't know how hard that had to have been on you. But I promise you that I am not going to do anything that is going to jeopardize my health, I love you and I want to be here with you for the rest of my life." She got back up onto her feet. "Come on, my tummy's growling it needs to be fed." How could she have been so stupid? Anna rubbed her eyes as she waited for him to get up.

Doug coughed getting up. That was really starting to bug him. He took her hand and pulled her into a hug. He pulled back and looked at her. He wiped the snow out of her hair and around her face. He wanted to tell her everything he was thinking but gave her a look and a smile that said 'i love you' instead. He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She didn't need to hear it. "Lunch sounds good." he finally said clearing his throat. I was funny how she could read him so well. He knew he would never be able to hide anything from her. As they walked Doug started to hum a song that was stuck in his head as he looked around the snow white park. The scenery was perfect...and so was the woman walking next to him.

She sighed as they walked, "it's so serene here right now. Too bad I am freezing, why can't it be like this at be 80 degrees." She laughed.

Doug smiled. "Because it's Chicago, therefore it can never be a perfect anything. It's either freezing or so hot you want to die." They hit the street and Doug began to look for a restaurant to eat at. "It's usually nice in Kentucky...if you don't mind a little inbreeding and cowboys." Doug said with a grin. "So what do you think? Subs and gyros or something nicer?" Doug asked looking around. There were always places to eat in Chicago but he didn't really care what they had. He didn't feel like eating much anyway. "Or we could just share an ice cream Sunday and go home and have hot chocolate by the fire."

"Ice cream, its freezing out here are you nuts. I feel like a snowman." She said looking at him, "but I like the idea of hot chocolate by the fire. You'll have to take me there sometime. Kentucky sounds nice. I've never been there; I am limited to Chicago, Philly and New York. What can I say I'm a big city girl?"

Carter smiled as he was helped out "Thanks you" He said to her

"Not that I do it very often, but I'll drive us home." She said as she started to lead Carter to the jeep.

"Ahh, well living in Lexington isn't exactly out in the sticks...gee shucks maybe ma will like to meet ya." he joked putting on his best country accent. "Well i guess that limits us to...Ted's Soup and Sandwich Shop." Doug said looking up and reading the sign. "I have to say I've never been here but...it's not crowded so I guess it'll work." Doug opened the door for her. "That is if my snowgirl doesn't melt on me before I get her back home."

Anna laughed, "I won't melt." She walked inside shaking her head, "ahh my county boy and his quaint little places. I'm definitely not going to be taking you to meet my parents."

Doug followed her in and stood in line. "Why's that?" he asked honestly. She had never really talked about her parents. He hadn't really either but there was a good reason for that. "Don't think they'd like me?" he asked poking her side.

"My dad passed away the year after I got married." Anna said as she batted his hand away, "And mom did even make it a year. But I know that they would have liked you." She said looking at the floor, "I'll let you meet my brother's if you can handle all six of them protecting their baby sister"

"Sorry" Doug said kissing her cheek. He laughed when she mentioned her brothers. "Ahhh that ought to be fun." he said putting on a fake smile and rolling his eyes. "I think they'd kill me though." Doug ordered a sandwich for Anna and some soup for himself. He walked her over to a booth and sat down next to her. He scratched his head. "So...speaking of families...ummm do you ever want to have kids?" he asked trying hard to keep a straight face.

She chuckled, "well yeah I do." She said looking at him, "but the question is now to you, do you want more or are the twins about all you can handle?"

All right sounds good to me" he told her

She opened up the jeep door, "good because I wouldn't have it any other way."

Doug rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Well, we'll get to that when we get to it. Right now we can just..." Doug cut off his sentence and grinned. "Sandwiches are up." he said standing up to get them. He sat back down and slid hers over. "I want to know when I am going to see all those nice things you bought this morning." he poked at his soup. His throat hurt too much to swallow anything, even if it was soup.

"You are the king of changing subjects." She said laughing as she picked up the sandwich he had slid in front of her, "I suppose I can show you them when we get back to the house."

"Well it keeps me from blushing." he said setting his head down on the table. His headache had come back and he felt like his fever had. Being outside probably hadn't been a smart choice but it had sure been fun. He closed his eyes and thought of what Anna and his girls would do on the weekend. He knew they would like her but he wasn't sure carol would like the idea very much. At the moment he still cared what she thought of him but knew better then to let her run his life. Doug put his hands on the back of his neck and tried to work out the knot. "Sandwich good?"

"Yeah it is." She said looking at him, "what's troubling you?" She said she could almost see the tension on his face.

"Don't worry about it." Doug said sitting up. He wiped off some mustard that was on her cheek. "Nothing you can fix." Doug sat quietly and waited for her to finish eating. He wanted to go home but didn't feel like saying it. He didn't want Anna to be involved with carol and his problems. She had enough in her own life to be thinking about.

She bit into the sandwich to keep from saying anything at that moment "Let's go." She said as she pushed the last bit into her mouth. "I want to go home and celebrate with you by the fire."

Doug stood up and picked up their trash. He walked out of the restaurant silent and held her hand as they ran across the street. After several minutes of walking he finally spoke up. "Celebrate what?...I'm not complaining, just asking." The snow was starting to fall again as it got later in the day. Doug was glad they got their playing done because the wind was really starting to pick up.

She watched the snowflakes tumbling down as they walked back towards his house. "You know I thought I would be sad or unhappy about it," She looked down at the ground her voice soft, "but I'm not any of those things, I'm not even upset, if anything I'm happier than I have ever been. And I don't know if that makes me a horrible person or not, he didn't contest, he didn't put up a fight, this morning the judge signed the divorce decree. I'm not married anymore. I don't legally belong to anyone."

Doug stopped walking and turned to face her. "No not legally. But you know what?" Doug asked pulling her into a hug. "You belong right here." he whispered into her ear. He looked up and could see his house down the street. All of a sudden hail started to fall on them. Doug squinted at the sky. "Come on!" he said pulling her to run with him down the street.

Anna ran behind him not letting go of his hand as they flew down the street towards his house, "ugh snow, hail, what next lightning, thunder? Can't I have just one uninterrupted somewhat romantic moment in my life?"

"Guess not!" Doug said as he jogged with her. Thinking on what she said he stopped and turned around in the middle of the street. "But you know what?" he said with a beaming smile. "That's life. And i couldn't think of a better way to have it." Doug pulled off his jacket and held it above their heads to catch the ice. "But we're safe now." he said looking around to make sure no cars were around to ruin his moment. "So let's get back to that moment." he said leaning forward to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as she leaned against him, she couldn't believe that she was standing in the middle of the street, in the middle of a hailstorm kissing him. She pulled back away from him for a minute looking into his eyes, "this is where I want to be, legally or not, my heart belong to you."

"That's good to know...after all. I did run through the O'Hare for you." he said laughing. "Let's go inside before we get hit by a car!" he said as he started to jog towards the house again. Doug opened the door and let Anna inside before shaking the ice off his jacket. "I can't believe that." he said looking out the door. "What a mess." They were both now cold and wet, just what he didn't want to be when he was sick but he had, had way to much fun just then to care much. "So much for our fun day." Doug said shutting the door.

She shivered, "I haven't had that much fun in ages." She said looking over at him as cold the cold started to seep thru her wet clothes, she reached out to touch his arm, "I don't think that it has to end because we are home." She turned away from him as she sneezed.

Doug smiled. "Oh come on...we both can't be sick! You have to be the strong one!" He said smiling at her. "Why don't you go get changed. I'll make some hot chocolate and start a fire. The heater sucks in the house so fire will be the only heat source for about..."Doug glanced at the thermostat. "A half an hour." Doug started to cough as he walked over to the kitchen. "Go on...get warm."

Anna walked towards the bedroom bending over to pick up one of the bags from her shopping trip on the way. She peeled herself out of her wet clothes, as she slipped into something soft and then put her oversized sweatshirt on over it. She slipped into her bunny slippers and the padded out and slipped under the quilt on the couch before propping her feet up on the coffee table to wait for Doug.

Doug laughed at her when he saw her slippers. "You're kidding right?" he handed her a mug and went out grab some wood. He walked over in front of the couch and bent over by the fireplace. He threw the wood in and rubbed his hands together to get some feeling back before trying to use the lighter. After a few minutes he finally got it. "Damn, i was starting to think you'd have to do It." he said standing back up. Doug shivered as he felt his wet shirt cling to him. "I'll be right back" he said as he walked into the other room to change. He came back in him pajama pants and a white undershirt. "You go to share that blanket or am i going to have to wrestle you for that too?"

"No I am going to share." She said smiling as she lifted the blanket up. She giggled as the sweatshirt she was wearing moved up a little higher than she intended with the blanket, "you said you wanted to see what I bought today. Well I got something special just for you."

"Did ya?" he joked sitting next to her. "What could be better than this?" he asked putting his arm around the back of the couch and grabbing the stereo remote. He turned on the radio on low as Jason Mraz belted out 'You and I both' "I'm kinda curious"

Anna slipped out from under the blanket smiling, "you know this is one of my favorite songs." She said as she started to sway her hips to the soft music, she moved in front of him, "you see," she teased as she pulled at the bottom of the sweatshirt moving it slowly up, "sometime soft, lots of lace," she pulled the sweatshirt all the way over her head, "and well my feet were cold hence my bunny slippers," she stood there in front of him for a minute before diving onto his lap under the blanket.

"Always good." he said pulling her back on the couch as he lay backwards. He leaned up and kissed her in the firelight. He stopped to look at her face. "You know you could get the flu this way." he joked with her.

"I don't care." She said smiling as she pushed her hair back away from her face. She locked her eyes with his, "are you going to be my doctor or my lover tonight?"

Doug smiled. "Definitely the latter." he said as he set his hands on her stomach. He could feel the incision by her heart. 'It's not your fault' he told himself. Doug blocked the memory from his head as he kissed her again. Right now she was ok, and she was his.

Anna melted into him. This was what she wanted, to be his and no one else's. To spend the rest of her days doing nothing but making him happy, to love him for who he was. She closed her eyes and let everything but his touch escape her mind.