Chapter 61:
Doug glanced at the clock. A mistake he knew he shouldn't make. It was just past midnight and now he really wanted to go to sleep more than ever. Doug finished marking his pages and turned off the lights and locked the doors in the house. He downed some flu medicine and walked in and pulled up the blanket to cover Anna up. He clicked his alarm over and lay down. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep when the phone rang. Doug grabbed it quickly so Anna might not wake up. "Hello?" he whispered into the phone. He looked at the clock. He had been asleep for almost two hours. He rubbed his eyes and sat up as he waited for an answer. 'This better be important' he thought. "What?" Doug asked a little louder than he meant to. He scooted to the edge of the bed and took a breath trying to take in all the information. "Yes...Douglass Ross. When...She..." Doug bit his lip as reality sunk in. "Yes thank you...no I'll take care of it...yeah." Doug hung up the phone quietly and stood up to walk out of the room. He felt totally numb. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of vodka and a glass. Loss was one thing he never handled well.
She had heard the phone ring, but didn't think any of it until she felt him get up off the bed. She laid there for a few minutes thinking that maybe it was just a wrong number and that he didn't want to wake her up. But when he didn't come back she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and walked out to the living room and saw him standing in the kitchen as she moved closer she could see that he was upset. She moved up behind him and put her hand on his arm, "baby what's wrong." She looked at the clock, "its 2:30, what happened?"
Doug pulled his arm away from her touch and picked up the glass of vodka. He slammed it back and filled the glass again. "Nothing...I'm fine." he said coldly as he moved away from her.
She jumped, and backed away. "I heard the phone ring, you're out here downing vodka like it was water don't you tell me that you're fine. I can see that you're not." 'Don't pick a fight with him Anna. Walk away, walk away.' went thru her head but yet she couldn't make her feet move.
Doug turned and shot her a look. "Well what the fck do you care?" he said as he grabbed the bottle and walked to the door. He jammed his feet into his boots and, after messing with the door key, swung open the door and walked outside. He slammed it closed behind him. He didn't even feel the cold despite he was outside without anything more than an undershirt and flannel pants on. He walked down the steps but didn't get much further. He sat down and dropped his head. He didn't mean to yell at Anna but he couldn't even think about that now. That was the last of his worries. He took a swig out of the bottle and looked up at the snow. "God damn it!" he yelled throwing the glass bottle into the street. He smashed into a million pieces as it hit the concrete.
She threw her shoes on, grabbing her coat and picking up the keys incase the door locked behind her. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she pulled open the door to go after him, 'what the hell are you doing Anna' she said to herself,' the last time you did this you found your ass in the ER' She stopped just outside the door where he was sitting now at the bottom of the steps, "what do you mean what the fck do I care. Damn it Doug, I love you that's why I care." She kept her distance not wanted to get hurt because he wasn't himself. "I'm here for you no matter what it is that's happened, and when you want some other kind of comfort besides that damn bottle you let me know." She turned on her heels and it was her turn to slam the door. She threw her coat back on the couch and walked into the bedroom. Her heart broke for him whatever that phone call was about it wasn't good. But she wasn't going to put herself on the line for someone who didn't want her too.
Doug could hear her behind him but didn't turn to look. He didn't care that she was upset. He couldn't right now. As much as he wanted to he couldn't make himself get up and go inside. All he felt was anger and no one should have to deal with that but him. After twenty minutes past Doug's body started to shiver with him even noticing it now. Although he was so upset he didn't feel cold he knew he shouldn't be outside. He stood up and walked into the street. He went to pick up the glass shards from the bottle. While his hand was shaking he accidentally grabbed a piece too hard and it sliced the middle of his hand open, from his thumb to his little finger. "Ahhh..." Doug clenched his other hand to keep from yelling. After throwing the glass in the outside trashcan he looked at the door. He could feel the pulse in his hand thump like the one in his head. He had been outside thirty minutes too long. Quietly he opened the door. He didn't imagine that Anna had gone back to sleep but just in case she didn't want to see him he wanted to be quiet. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a towel so he wouldn't bleed all over his house. He held it tightly over the sink to stop the blood and took deep breaths to help himself calm down. He didn't want to cry...not in front of her, ever again.
She lay on the bed for a few minutes before she got up and started to pace back and forth in the bedroom. It hurt that he wasn't letting her in that he seemed to want to push her away from whatever it was that was eating at him. She sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed her legs and she started to breathe, in and out over and over again, letting it all go, she shouldn't have gotten upset with him and she knew it. She hadn't that right, after all weren't they just lovers each on the rebound, nothing serious, no commitment, just two people enjoying each other's company. Her mind wandered back to the two of them on the couch, talking in the kitchen...distance; if she could just distance herself the fall wouldn't be as hard when the other shoe dropped. Where was all this self doubt coming from, that she didn't have an answer for?
The house seemed quiet; she uncrossed her legs pulling herself from her safe meditation spot. She walked back out to the kitchen. He was standing there by the sink. Maybe this wasn't the best of ideas but she was calmer, not upset, worried but she knew it was best to let him deal with whatever it was on his terms. She'd keep her distance at least until she was sure that he was going to lash out at her. "I'll just be a minute." She said reaching for the cupboard as she grabbed a coffee cup. She wasn't even sure if he was aware that she was there. She could see the pain and anger there in his face. "I just wanted some warm milk." She pulled it from the fridge, filled the coffee cup and silently walked over to the microwave to heat it up. She looked over at him holding his hand, the bloody towel wrapped around it. Taking in a deep breath she went and grabbed her first aid kit, he didn't need her right now; she wasn't going to push or pry to get him to open up. She'd let him work thru this on his own, knowing in her heart that he would let her in when he was ready. She would be there waiting when that time came, if not she would deal with that later. She tossed the first aid kit on the counter next to him; she started to walk away but leaned against the kitchen doorframe, "just know that I am here for you when you need me." She lingered there waiting to see if he was going to say anything, to see if he would even acknowledge that she was in his presence. If not she was ready to keep right on walking.
Carter smiled as he got into the passenger side. "So do you have the day off/ or are you on?" he asked her as he was looking out to the road.
Abby slowly pulled out. "Na, I'm off today." She said, "Weaver has actually been being nice to everyone lately. Now isn't that a shocker."
Weavers nice when she wants to be" John said to her. "She's a nice person, i was roommates with her once" he told her
"Yeah I suppose we can all be nice when we want to be." She said as she navigated them down the streets of Chicago.
Doug saw Anna walk past him. He didn't hear what she said at first but he could tell she was worried. He heard her say she was there for him and stop. 'Come on Doug say something' he told himself. He looked up and snapped out of his semi daze. It was long enough to feel the pain in his hand. "I think I have some glass in my hand." he said, his face emotionless. "Can you help me?" It wasn't much but it was hard for him. He had totally shut down to keep from feeling anything. Something inside him said that if he didn't say it out loud that it wasn't true. But he knew he couldn't do that. 'Baby steps' he told himself as he slowly brought his eyes up to lock with Anna's.
"Yeah." She said as she turned back and walked toward him. She took his hand into hers as she gently pulled the towel away from it. With her other hand she flipped open the first aide kit and grabbed a piece of gauze. "Can you move your fingers?" She asked him as she looked over the cut on his hand. It wasn't overly deep but it was long.
Doug moved his fingers for her. It was still pretty hard to talk for him and he didn't want to say anything to get them into a fight. His hand shook a little from everything that happened and he sighed in an attempt to calm down. He knew Anna wanted to know what was going on. He took a deep breath as he watched her work on his hand. "That phone call was from the Lexington morgue." he said clenching his teeth together. It took him a few minutes to say the next part. "My mom died yesterday." he said flatly, keeping his eyes glued on his hand. He couldn't look anywhere else for fear he would break down. He could already feel the tightness in his throat choking him.
Anna kept her eyes on cleaning his hand. "I'm sorry baby." She said this had to be hard for him. She remembered getting the phone call about her dad. "If there's anything I can do just tell me."
Hearing himself say that hurt. He still felt like Anna was mad at him but he couldn't deal with that at the moment. She'd have to understand. "I need to go to Kentucky to take care of the funeral and move some things out of her house. If Romano says its ok it'd be nice if you looked over peds while i was gone." he said pulling his hand away before she finished. "Its fine." he said turning away from her. He didn't want to be alone as much as he wanted her to believe. He opened the fridge to search for some kind of drink. He wanted to feel as numb as he did before.
"I understand Doug, are you sure you don't want me to go with you. You don't have to do this alone." She said to him. "I know this is hard." She walked past him into the living room, retrieving a bottle from her bag, and walking back to the kitchen. She sat the bottle down, she reached up and grabbed two glasses and poured from the bottle, "You know granted this isn't something that I do a lot but I did this the day my dad died." She handed him the glass, "to your mom, may her memory be with us always."
Doug looked at her, not quite sure how his body was going to react. He wanted to keep it together. He took the glass from her and looked at it a second before slamming it back. He wanted to say something but didn't think he could. After a second he realized Anna had offered to go with him. "No you should stay. You have a life to live too."
"Okay." She wasn't going to argue with him, "I'm sure you want to leave as soon as you can. I'll get you a flight for Lexington, the first one out if I can." She didn't want him to go alone, but there wasn't anything she could do about it right now, "I'll hold things down here, you go deal with what you need to, just call a few times would ya so I know you're okay. And leave me the address of where you are at so that in case there's an emergency I can find you."
Doug nodded. He was glad he wasn't all alone. "Thanks Anna." he whispered out. Doug took her hand and looked at her eyes. In an instant a twinge of pain surged through him. This had hit him hard. He gently pulled on her hand to get her to step closer to him. He didn't want to leave with animosity between them.
She put her hand up around his neck and hugged him close to her, "don't mention it baby. What else are girlfriends for?" She wasn't about to tell him that she wasn't going to let him do this alone. She'd let him think that. She'd put him on the plane in the morning and be down there the day after. He wasn't going to do thru this alone now that he had her. She was going to be with him thru the good and the bad.
Doug hugged her back. After a second he pulled back and looked at the clock. It was after four now. "I need to go pack." he said letting go of her hand. Doug walked into his bedroom and grabbed his flight bag. He searched for a second until he found a black suit he could wear to the funeral. He would get there on Friday and the funeral would be Saturday. He planned on staying at least until Tuesday to take care of things. He stuff jeans and shirts into his bag and sat down. He pulled his wallet off the counter and went to give his credit card to Anna so she could get him a ticket. "Here ya go" he said holding it out to her.
"It's taken care of." She said smiling. "Are you packed? We have to get a move on it. I got you on the first flight out. But it leaves at 5:45." She said walking over to the couch and pulling on her pants. "I'll take care of things at the hospital for you, don't have to worry there. Call me when things settle down so I don't worry about you." She said as she kissed his check, "I love you." She quickly found her coat and her keys.
Doug smiled as he threw on some workout pants and a long sleeved shirt. He grabbed his bag and was out the door with her. He stayed silent in the car all the way to the airport. He was glad the hospital was one less thing he would have to worry about. It seemed like forever until the car stopped at the drop off gate. Doug jumped out of the car and pulled his bag from the trunk. He walked over to the driver's side where Anna was. He hated goodbyes, even if it was just for a little while. He stuck his head inside the car window and pulled her into a kiss. "I love you Anna." he said pulling his baseball hat out of his back pocket and putting it on. He smacked the car and took off at a jog for the airport terminal to check in and get on the plane.
"I love you too." She said as she watched him run for the gate. She threw the car into gear and pulled away. There was a lot that she needed to get done. And her first stop was going to be the hospital.