Alive …
Terribly weak … sick to my stomach … frail in a way that I could not have imagined before …
But I'm alive …
Something's wrong with my eyes … my vision is off … different. My hands … my skin … where is my blood red skin? This pale skin … this pale skin I have now … that was mine once before …
No!
I do not want to remember who I was before … I do not remember the life before I gave myself over to the heritage of my Demon Queen mother … I do not want to remember the past …
"But you must, my son."
Fragments of light with a sound of crystal chimes. An older man in armor. A Knight of the Last Light. My father …
"Raven has banished the evil Trigon … the Demon Lord you became after your mother's power conquered you-"
After I surrendered to it. After I gave in because I believed it to be the only way to save my friends … to save my world …
"But your mortal half- your human half- remained behind. You are no longer Trigon, the High Lord of Hell. Once more you are Trigon, the half-demon hero. Once more you are my son..."
"Hero, father? My crimes are too numerous to count. My sins are without end. I betrayed the woman I loved. I corrupted my friends. I destroyed my world. I tried to lure my daughter into the same evil path that destroyed me. I am beyond hope. I am beyond redemption. I am a monster without hope of salvation ..."
"And yet you live. Your conscience has returned to you. You are not what you were, my son. You cannot change the past. But the future remains to be written. Your friends have need of you. They live yet, tainted by the evil of your mother's power. You can help them. You can free them."
"Help them, Father? I can barely stand ..."
"Take my staff, my son. It will sustain you. It will nurture the light within you." The chimes grow a little sterner. "But know this: a choice lies upon you. You can take my staff and you can use your power to try to restore your friends. You can refuse it and live a mortal life to make what recompense for your sins you may in a mortal manner. But you will never forget the crimes you have committed or the lives you have taken. You will never know peace."
"I don't deserve peace, Father." I force myself to my feet. "And my friends don't deserve what I did to them. I'll take the staff."
Father lets go of the staff and it floats into my hand.
"I trained you to be a fighter, my son. I thought that would allow you to overcome your mother's evil. I was wrong. Your greatest strength was not your warrior's skill. It was your human heart. Love redeemed you."
"My daughter does not love me." It was a bitter taste in my mouth. Before … the other me … the Demon Lord … did not require love from Raven. He only wanted obedience. He only waited her to be the key to this world … now that I am what I was, more mortal than demon, I feel the sourness of lost opportunity. I should have been there for her … I should have been the one who raised her and given her the love and support she needed.
I hadn't.
No. Raven does not love me. I do not deserve her love. I have not earned it. And now I never can.
"Even as the Demon Lord, you still retained a degree of love for Arella. That love made the Demon Lord hesitate … and gave Arella the time she needed to escape to Azarath. If not for the love that remained in you, Raven would have been raised at the Demon Lord's side and been the dark daughter that he desired."
"Arella …" Her name burns my heart. It's written there forever. She had been one of us … my friend before she ever became my lover. A brave girl from another world … she had fought beside us with nothing but human skills, mortal courage. More, she had become our leader. The one person we would have followed to hell and back …
I had done my best to leave her there.
As for my friends … the rest of my friends … I had done something even worse.
I had tainted them with my evil. Infected them with darkness. And then- because Arella had escaped me- I sent them to plague her world.
Malchior … Malchior had always been a kind hearted, forgiving soul. He had every reason to hate humanity, but he had chosen to forgive them for killing his family, making him the last dragon of our world. He had shared my interest in magic.
And Arella.
He had every reason to hate me when Arella chose me over him, but he had remained my best friend. He had been the one who sent Arella away when I lost control of my magic … ensuring the safety of the woman we both loved.
I had darkened his heart, obliterated his memories, and then sent him across space and time to wreak havoc on Earth. He had begged me to kill him rather than make him a monster- but I laughed in his face and sent him on his mission of darkness.
Malchior, my oldest friend, my dearest friend … I am so terribly sorry for what I did to you.
Atlas was a robot, but he had the biggest heart of anyone I ever met. Designed and built to be an instrument of war, he had cared nothing for combat and only wanted to help people. He had tried to reason with me … tried to bring me back from the darkness I fell into … and I had twisted him. I replaced his compassion with contempt for all organic life. I supplanted his humility with overwhelming pride in his superiority. And then I sent him off to become what he hated.
Mae-Eye … she had been beautiful and kind. The last of her people, she treasured children over all things. Time and again I had seen her risk her life in order to protect an innocent toddler or infant. She loved them all.
And so I made her a monster who feeds on children.
She had been my friend … they had all been my friends, and I had made them into dark reflections of themselves. I made them into what they hated. And I had laughed as I did it.
It's too much. It's all too much.
How can I find my friends? And if I do- if I find a way to lift the curse I placed upon them- how will they live with themselves? They will never forgive me- and that is right and just- but they will also never forgive themselves for the crime of not being able to stop me...
"No … I can't be alive. I'm supposed to be gone. I can't face what I've done ..."
It's then I realize that Father and I are not alone.
There's a girl with us. A human girl. I have never met her, but I know her.
Terra.
Like myself, she had been released from the prison of her own making when Raven banished the evil of my Demon Lord self. She was flesh and blood once more … and forced to live with the consequences of her actions.
She's crying.
"All journeys start with a single step, my son. You have a great task ahead of you, but here is one small girl who needs someone to help her now. You say you are no longer a hero. Start by being a man again- a good man- and the rest will follow."
And with that, my father fades away.
I force myself to my feet with the aid of my staff and go to the girl. "Terra …"
She looks at me with fear in her eyes- I am used to fear, but this isn't fear of me- this is fear for me. "Stay away! I'm too dangerous! I could hurt you without meaning to!"
"It's all right, Terra. You don't have to be afraid."
"I'm a monster!"
"So am I." I smile at her. "Believe me, the things you have done are nothing compared to what I have done. We cannot change the past. We can only make a better future."
"I can't! I've done too much harm! I'm evil! I deserve to die!"
"No, Terra." I want to tell her that she's wrong, but I know she won't listen to me. Not now. "Dying is the easy way. It means not having to live with what we've done. We owe it to the world- to those we've hurt- to be better than that. Come with me. You're going to do something much harder than dying: you're going to learn to live with what you've done. We both are."
"Who are you?" Her eyes are still streaming tears.
"I'm a friend." I smile at the girl- she's about the age of Raven. "And someone else who has a lot to make up for." I offer her my hand. "Come, Terra. We've both spent too much time in the darkness. It's time we go back into the light."
And after a moment more, she takes my hand.
Together, we walk into the light of a new day.