Chapter 64:

Doug woke up and looked at the clock. It was almost six and the sun was about to come up, his favorite time of day. He knew he wouldn't be bale to go back to sleep so he quietly got up and slipped on his basketball shorts and a long-sleeved tee-shirt. He grabbed his running shoes and walked outside. It was still cool but not nearly as bad as Chicago. After lacing up his shoes and started down the street for a jog.

She rolled over slowly stretching as she pushed the sleep from her eyes. An empty bed, she took a deep breath in as she sat up. She pulled out her clothes and headed in for the shower. She started the water waiting for it to get warm as she brushed her teeth. Out of habit she climbed in as she continued to brush her teeth letting the hot water run over her body. She didn't stay in because she wanted to make sure that there was some left, in case he came back. She sat down and put her clothes on. She picked up her makeup bag as she started to pull her hair up into a bun. She put her headphones on as she flipped thru the music to find something that fit her mood. She finally stopped when she got to 'bring me to life'. She turned it up as she started to put on her makeup. And sing along with the music. "With out a soul, my spirit is sleeping somewhere cold, until you find it there with in me..." She finished up and headed out into the other room, as she flopped down on the bed, "I hate the world today your so good to me I know but I can't change I tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe I was an angel underneath innocent and sweet, yesterday I cried, you must have been relieved to see the softer side, I can understand how you can be so confused I don't envy you I'm a little bit of everything rolled all into one. I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed." She swung her legs in time to the music as she lost herself in the music that was blaring in her ears. Anna was oblivious to the world around her.

Doug finally reached the motel again. It had been awhile since he had been running and he was sweaty and out of breath. He had only gone about five miles but it was good enough. He opened the door to see Anna laying on the bed listening to music. She almost made him smile singing like that. He walked over and grabbed his suit bag. Maybe if he was quiet she wouldn't even notice he had come in until he was in the bathroom. He hung the bag up on the inside of the door and took off his shirt and running shoes. He set them in the corner and shut the door. He turned on the water and it quickly got hot. It was good sign that Anna had already been in the shower. He got in and let the water drip down his neck. As long as he could get through today it would be ok.

She had felt the breeze when he opened the door but she didn't leave her spot. She decided that for right now it was just be to stay in her own little world. He would be alright with out her hanging on him. Besides, she was in a happy bliss right now. Nothing like some good music to take your mind off the world around you.

Doug finished up in the shower and stepped out. After he dried off a little he slicked back his hair and started to get dressed. He put on his black slacks and white shirt and started to mess with the tie. He hated ties. He opened the door up to let some of the steam out. "Ahh, damn" he said as he messed up the tie knot for the third time. After the fourth attempt he decided to leave it for now. He grabbed his coat and headed out into the other room. Doug sat on the edge of the bed and started to put on his socks and shoes. He casually looked over at Anna. "You look nice." he said softly to her.

She had felt him sit on the bed next to her. She pulled her headphones off, "thanks." Lip-reading wasn't her greatest skill but she could make out something. She noticed that his tie wasn't done and out of habit she reached over. It gave her a small and feeble excuse to get close to him, "let me tie your tie." Eventually they would work their way back to the place that they were at before all of this. In her heart she was in this for the long haul, until time stopped for them, she just wasn't ready to tell him.

Doug turned to let her help him as he finished tying his shoes. He watched her hands work. She seemed so strong, stronger than him. "We need to leave soon." he said quietly. "I think the priest wanted to talk with me before the service...i need to be the first on there anyway." he looked up into her eyes. He knew he would be ok as long as she stayed next to him. He reached up and took her hand as she finished with his tie. "Don't let go ok?" he said as he stood up.

"I won't." She said softly. She gave him a half smile as she stood up gently squeezing his hand. She let go as she pulled on her jacket and buttoned it up. She looked in the mirror by the bed and jabbed a couple more bobby pins into her hair. She reached for her keys and purse, "okay," she took in a deep breath, she had to be strong for him today, "let's go."

Doug grabbed a pair of both of their blue jeans. "I have to clean up the house a little after the service...cant do it in a suit." he said walking towards her. He reached for the car keys after he shut the motel door. "Why don't you let me drive? I know my way around."

"Yeah, that's fine baby" She said standing there beside him. Watching him lock the door. She looked at his rental car, it was small and she didn't want to be cramped close to him, not that close right now. This was hard enough worrying about him with out being stuck in something so small, "but let's take mine, besides I know you like jeeps." She tossed her keys at him.

"Yeah sure" Doug said catching the keys. He got in and started the car. Doug drove silently down the road to the church. Mack Davis played on the radio and Doug kept it on low. After a little bit they pulled up into the church lot, the service started in an hour and although Doug wanted to be the first one there, he wasn't. As soon as he pulled up he knew the little old ladies had taken over...and he knew how it would go. The first part would be all tears and prayers. Then they would all go back to his mother's house and they would stuff everyone with food and attack his personal life in the politest way possible. He sighed as he stuck the car in park and got out. He waited for Anna before walking up the stairs and into the church. Doug opened the doors and saw, what must have been his mother's entire congregation with only a few faces he recognized. He squeezed Anna's hand as he took a step in and walked over to one of his mother's friends that he knew. "Hey Edna" he said leaning down to give her a hug. She patted his cheek. "oh Doug..." she started in a quaint southern accent."Its god's plan." she said to him patting her eyes. Doug touched her shoulder as he walked past her to get a seat. Those never made him feel any better, just angry. Socializing wasn't high on his list of things to do anyway. He would be trapped soon enough and the less conversation the better. Doug walked to the front of the church and kneeled before sitting down in the pew. He sat rigidly forward, with his eyes locked on the casket in front of them.

Anna kneeled and took a seat next to Doug. She squeezed his hand to let him know that she was there as she shifted on the pew. Her legs crossed. She lowered her head. She kept her composure holding herself together for his sake. She hated funerals. They always made her cry, but she started to chew on her lip keeping it together for him.

Doug could feel how uncomfortable she was. He cleared his throat and leaned over to whisper to her. "The service shouldn't last too long. Once everyone goes back to my mom's house we can hide out anyway." Doug heard the ladies talking about him. "Front row...by that blond there...yes I'm surprised he came at all." they would never say these things to his face. It wouldn't be their manner. It was only polite to talk about people behind their back. Doug dreaded the things that would be said at his house. Anna was bound to overhear most of it if she hadn't already. He looked back behind himself. The ladies were doing a good job of pointing him out to everyone since, as the people started to fill in, everyone touched him on the back. 'Thank god Anna's catholic' he told himself. At least he wouldn't have to lie about that. Shortly there after the priest came up front and started the service. Doug sat with his arms crossed. Even though he had Anna he still felt all alone.

Old busy bodies, she thought to herself. She felt bad for him having to put up with all of this. She sat stone-faced thru the entire service much better than she thought she would. She felt like an outsider here though. She went thru the motions, she could do that on autopilot thank god for small favors and years of having it hammered into her head. She could hear the small sobs coming from various pews. Just a little while longer, she only had to suffer through this a little longer.

An hour later they said a final prayer and everyone started to file out. His mom had wanted to be cremated which, although not totally in line with what everyone else wanted, was her right. Doug waited for everyone else to go before he stood up. He straightened his suit and held out his arm for Anna to take. As soon as they walked out of the church it was as if a funeral had never happened. People were already talking about what food would be served and on what china. Doug drug Anna quickly to his car. He sat in the jeep and closed his eyes for a second. He hated all of this. After a few minutes he went to start the car and pulled out of the church. Doug rolled the windows down and stuck his left hand out of the car. It was a few miles to his house and he was going to take the long way around.

The wind felt good against her skin as Doug had started to drive. The silence filled the car; you could only hear the wind as they went along. She reached up and pulled the bobby pins from her hair letting it fall down as she shook her head a couple of times. She'd put it back up when they got there. She leaned back against the seat letting the wind whip her hair about her face. The silence was not uncomfortable anymore but almost expected. She looked out the window wondering how such a beautiful place could be so hostile. She glanced at him; he seemed to be holding up okay. She couldn't help but worry about him. What he was going thru pulled at her heart. But after last night and their blow up she wasn't going to say anything. Letting him be was probably the best thing that she could do for him right now, other than just being there.

Doug drove past the house twice before he pulled up. He hoped Anna hadn't noticed. It would be a little strange being back in the house he had grown up in. He knew his mom had kept his room exactly the same as when he had left for college. He put the car in park and bit his lip. He was going to tell Anna that she could go but he knew she wouldn't listen. He straightened his tie and got out of the car. After opening the door for Anna he walked through the yard and up the stairs. He held the screen door open and could hear the people inside. He walked in with Anna and was bombarded by tiny southern women who still somehow saw him as an eighteen year old basketball player.

"OHHHH its Dougy!" one woman called out which brought three others with her.

He only knew one's name so decided just to smile like he usually did. "Hello Faye...ladies." he said screwing on his best smile.

"It was so sad what happened to your mom Doug" one lady said."I guess it was just her time."

Doug gave a small nod as he looked to Anna. "This is my friend Anna Del Amico from Chicago." Doug knew very well that you either had a friend or a fiancé and nothing in between.

"Ohh." one lady said taking Anna's hand. "On to another one Doug? Well just know no sex out of wedlock you know." she said at an attempt at a joke.

Doug smiled the best he could. How embarrassing.

"Oh but its not like Doug listens to us...after all you have two bastard children already don't you?" she asked looking at him.

Doug just nodded and kept his mouth glued shut.

"Yes that about broke your mothers heart..." another one said, adding to his humiliation."So still playing doctor or have you given that one up too?" the same woman asked.

"No i work in a county hospital in Chicago. Anna works with me...actually i just got promoted." Doug added to boost his ego.

"Ohh...i see." the tiny lady said.

"But look at you Dougy." said a taller woman who had just joined the conversation. "You look just like your father." she said touching his face. "Doesn't he ladies...a spitting image of Ray."

Doug closed his eyes at that one. Hearing that hurt. "Excuse me please." he said with a smile letting go of Anna's hand. "I'm going to get a drink really quick."

The ladies took Anna's hand as Doug left. "I'm sure he handles his liquor just like ray too." They said sarcastically laughing at him. Doug heard it but kept walking. "Be careful with that one honey." the short lady said to Anna. "He's not much but a little trouble." she spoke in a polite and joking tone, but that's how they all did.

Doug didn't head for the bar but upstairs to his old room. Everything was the same, right down to the smell. He looked around at his wall of trophies and pictures. He walked over to read some of the newspaper clippings his mom had put up on a bulletin board. He hated that he left Anna down there. He knew if he stayed he would say something he would regret, and gossip was the only things that traveled faster than the derby horses in Kentucky. Hopefully she would find her way upstairs.

Anna just put on her best smile upon the bombardment of southern women. They were holding onto her and it was making her extremely uncomfortable. She hated to be pawed and that's exactly what they were doing. She finally got out of there claws. She had heard more than she wanted to about how she should be careful, that he was a good boy, but a big heartbreaker. "Excuse me ladies." She said walking backwards out of the room. She didn't see him anywhere. She wandered about the house trying to find one spot where there weren't a bunch of gossiping women. She headed up the stairs. She wandered down the hallway before finally finding him. "Hey there." She said softly, she wasn't sure if he wanted her there or if she should just turn and walk down to more from the older women. She looked at the floor speaking softly, "can I stay, or do you want me to go back downstairs?"

"Oh god don't do that." he said still looking at the framed newspapers on the walls. "You might realize I'm not worth It." he said smiling at his own joke. He had to; it was too hard to take things seriously. He was embarrassed at what Anna had heard and he didn't quite know what to do. He walked around his room a little looking at the things his mom had put up for him. His room was clean and perfectly dusted. It was like her to keep it that way. To clean it even when he was gone. He found a picture of him, his mom and dad standing by a 1967 mustang his dad had gotten somehow and brought home. It was Doug's present until his dad lost it shortly there after in a poker game, but no one could tell by looking at the photo. "That's the nice thing about pictures." Doug said staring at it. "That one happy moment is frozen in time forever." he leaned against the wall and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The next picture beside him was of him and his mom the day he left for college. Looking at it made the tears rise up in his eyes. Before he could stop it one fell down his cheek. Doug slowly wiped it away and kept his cool composure. He breathed in looking for something to say as it happened again. He didn't wipe his face this time. He just kicked his foot against the wall and stared into the corner. He needed Anna to break the tension he was feeling.

"Thank you," She said as she wrapped her arms around his waist. He was still just looking into the corner of the room his back to her. "You know they trying to get me into the kitchen. That would not have been pretty. But I think that they are convinced that you and I are nothing more than friends. But for some reason they just don't understand that I'm not a nurse." She stepped back from him, "I suppose that I could go back to school again. Have you always been so good looking?" She was cracking feeble jokes and didn't feel like they were getting her anywhere. Maybe it would be better if she just shut up. She couldn't make him feel better right now and she knew it. She shrugged her shoulders. She was at a loss for words now. This was the hard part, getting him thru the service, the car ride here that was the easy part. Now there was no one talking for them, they didn't have anyone to listen to and the only way to break the silence was for one of them to say something. She turned to walk out the door, she stopped herself, lowering her voice just in case there was an old woman listening in on them, and "I love you." She walked out of the room and back down into the room full of women. She grabbed a drink from the bar and headed outside where she found herself sitting on the front porch steps. They were all busy inside chatting with each other so it was easy to slip out there. She felt bad for walking out on him like that. She leaned back and took in a deep breath of air. As she snuck over to the jeep hiding between the cars...she felt like she was 15 again and trying to not get busted by her parents for smoking in the parking lot. A few minutes and she would go back inside to face everyone again.