A/N: Okay, this chapter was a little slow going…I'm having a bad case of not knowing WHAT THE HELL I'm going to write next! But, I've gotten over it and hopefully this chapter shall satisfy you.

Disclaimer: Characters, all Jonathan Larson, you know the drill.

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Mark's POV

I run the feeling of his lips over and over in my head. Those tiny moments when I had him. I had him in my arms, in my grip, against my body, never wanting to let him go. But the moment faded away, and now I want it back more than anything I've ever wanted before.

As quickly and rapidly as the thoughts pace through my mind, I push them away. Maureen. I should focus on Maureen. Roger said himself that we can't do anything about our feelings. I barely have any feelings anyway. I'm sure it's just because Roger's such a nice guy.

"Marky! Two more days!" Maureen's annoying whines snaps me out of my head for once, and I entertain her with a small smile before returning to my lunch. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich sits in front of me, no doubt made perfectly, every inch reeking of my mother's love. She spends way too much time doing things she doesn't need to perfect. I would be fine with a crappy sandwich. Sometimes I've even seen her make the jelly into a smiley face before squishing it. Suddenly the lunch is making me nauseous. "Mark! Are you listening to me?"

"Mhmm…" I shrug, reluctantly slipping a nasty looking chip in my mouth. Maybe Mom spends way too much time on the sandwich and blows off the rest of the lunch. Maybe I'll start making my own lunch.

"Two more days until the dance! I can't wait. Us four are going to have the best time! Carrie's going to look so adorable! Then Roger…"

"Can we not talk about it?" I say calmly, bursting inside. I can't possibly talk about Roger with Maureen. Something's going to slip.

"But…Mark! I'm so excited! Why don't you want to talk about it? Don't you want to go? Aren't you excited?" She pouts her big puffy lips, and I roll my eyes. Does she really expect me to disappoint her now?

"No, I am excited Mo. I just don't feel like hearing about how cute Roger and Carrie are going to look together." I sigh as a picture of Roger and Carrie pops into my mind. They're going to be dancing, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, too much for me to handle. Roger will look great in a tux though.

"Why not? Are you jealous of Roger, Mark? You afraid you're not gonna look great?" She giggles, chomping roughly down on the banana in her hand. Yea, I'm jealous of Roger. More like of Carrie.

"No, I'm not jealous. I could really care less about what I look like. Everyone knows that people hate freshmen, we could wear chicken suits and we'd still be ignored." Maureen leans against the wall behind our lunch table and frowns. I sort of feel bad for ruining her happy mood. But I'm not in a good mood. Something about me hates when people are happy and I'm not.

"That's not true. Carrie and Roger are juniors and they don't ignore us. Roger seems to think you're pretty…"

"I don't wanna talk about Roger!" I yell, trying not to draw attention to myself, then realize that I seem suspicious. "Or Carrie!" I finish, and Maureen widens her eyes.

"I'm sorry Marky." Her head droops, pressing her chin to her chest. "Is something wrong with you?" She asks, looking up, and I shake my head.

"No, just tired. Sorry." I explain, and decide that I'll let her talk about Carrie and Roger if she really wants to. I should get used to talking about Roger, seeing Roger, talking to Roger, laughing with Roger, and not being able to be with Roger.

"You better get sleep before the dance young man. I don't wanna be dancing with an unconscious limp vegetable." She moans, and I chuckle lightly. Who knows if I'll even pay attention to her all night long? Who knows how it will turn out? Maybe Roger will be distant. Maybe he'll be too close. I haven't seen him since our little interaction, except for when we had lunch directly after it, then once in the hall.

My feet click beneath me, my eyes burning with fatigue. Biology was super boring today. I don't know why I bother with school. I barely concentrate in class and yet it's still easy as hell. I don't need this much time to think. It's too much. Things come into my mind that shouldn't be there. The kiss. His lips. His hair. His clothes. His face. His smell. His touch. Everything about him never seems to fade from my memory. I keep telling myself I don't have feelings. That I don't like him. But every time those feelings are ignored, they spring back harder than ever.

The strap on my bag is slightly torn, worn away from years of picking at it, and the endless weight of my textbooks. I feel sort of sorry for it, all that shit in it at one time. Now it's coming apart and I all do is pick at it more.

Suddenly I look up to see a very familiar face staring me in the eyes.

"Hey." He says casually, and I stumble over how to answer. As if it's a hard comment to reply to.

"Hi." I manage to squeak out. I've never been this nervous around anyone before. Maybe it's weird that someone I kissed is still talking to me. The only person I've ever kissed before is Maureen, because she forced me to during a game of spin the bottle. Roger is the only person I've ever wanted to kiss. Adding to the awkward situation, we're both male.

"How've you been?" He asks, and I blush slightly at the sound of his smooth voice floating through my ears. I've missed it. It's annoying just listening to Maureen ramble constantly. Roger is relief.

"All right I guess. I'm getting a little sick of Maureen talking about the dance." My fingers find the strap of my bag again, flicking the fabric lightly. His lips curve into a smile, setting me off as well. I'm about to burst with happiness. I haven't seen Roger in what seems like so long.

"Aren't you excited? I mean you two are going to have so much fun!" He chuckles at his impression of Maureen before tapping me lightly on the shoulder. "I gotta get to class. I'll see you later." He brushes past me before I can respond, out of my sight in mere seconds.

"Okay." I whisper to myself, and close my eyes in anguish. I'm swooning way too much. Roger is my friend. Nothing more. I shouldn't have to tell myself that more than once. Maureen is your girlfriend. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen.

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Two days later

I sit silently, my hands clasped together in my lap, my head bobbing up and down. I'm about to fall asleep, but I'd probably end up getting a sermon from Maureen if I did. Her house smells just like cinnamon caked on top of apples and peaches. Her family has always been welcoming to me, never bitter or harsh. They accept Maureen with everything she does. I wish I had a family like that. Maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid to acknowledge my feelings.

Before I'm able to drift off, Maureen bursts out of the bathroom, decked up head to foot. I can't help but gasp in her beauty. She's always been beautiful, but this…this is just amazing.

"Mo…holy shit." I sigh, rising up from the pink chair I've been occupying for the last hour, waiting for her to be ready. She giggles as I gawk in awe. I've never been this attracted to her before. Her dark brown hair flows down her white creamy back, cascading, while sparkling in the setting sun. Her dress clings tightly around her knees, only long enough just to reach them. I never thought that Maureen would look particularly ravishing in a dress, but oh how I was wrong. The blue fabric accents her gleaming eyes, blending perfectly together. She's barefoot, raising herself up on her black painted toes. The sleeves are cut off around her shoulders, and I can see her collarbone awkwardly visible right above the frills of the dress.

"Like it?" She raises her eyebrows, and I nod in a daze. "Yay! I'm so happy. I can't wait till Carrie sees me! And I can't wait to see Carrie! And Roger, they are going to look so cute together…and I just…" She jabbers on, and I find myself slouching back to the chair in the corner, soaking in only chosen words from her sentences. My dress shirt is slightly itchy, sticking to my wrists a little too tightly for my liking. "Marky, is something wrong? You haven't been yourself lately." Maureen bends down to my level, keeping her legs together carefully and trying not to touch my perfectly ironed pants.

"No, I'm fine. Just…amazed at how beautiful you look." I pass off my weary state of mind as a compliment, and she snickers before grasping my hand in hers. I'm dragged down the stairs gently behind her, mentally preparing myself for the night ahead.

"Carrie and Roger should be here any minute. Roger's driving us in his car. Did you know he had a car?" She shrugs her shoulders at me, as brief memories of Roger's car flood through my mind. His hand on my thigh, talking about…Jesus Christ. You would think I'd known him forever. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen. Maureen.

"Yea, I know." I answer quickly, and then hear a small yet annoying honk come from outside. Maureen's parents snap pictures of her and I, blinding me before we head out the door.

Roger gets out of the car first, a black suit covering his body, his long blond hair curly and wavy in it's own way. I can tell he didn't do anything to it. Good thing. His outfit is totally black, topped off by a neon pink tie covering the buttons of his shirt. I wouldn't think Roger would be one to wear pink. Then, Carrie steps out, and I understand. Her dress is not nearly as beautiful as Maureen's. It is more…elegant, more royalty wear. But I would expect that from her. Roger smiles gently before complimenting Maureen on her dress, then allowing the two girls to squeal at each other's splendor.

"Hey. You look…good." I say when he reaches me, as he softly presses his tie against his body, keeping it from blowing up in his face.

"Thanks. You do too." He answers, and stands next to me. Our hands lie at our sides, dangling in the wind, naked and vulnerable. I feel like I should reach for his. The girls can't see us, why not? "This will be…interesting. Carrie couldn't stop talking about it ever since we made reservations. Then picking the dress…God." His voice is tired, yet loving. I can tell he cares for Carrie. The thought of grabbing his hand suddenly seems stupid and irrational. That is, until I feel fingers brush against mine. I look down to see him attempting to stealthily hold my hand in his, and I accept hastily. The girls are again caught up in their own world, not aware of anything that's going on.

"Roger…" I sigh, and he lets go right away. The seconds of joy are over. Confusion stays behind.

"We should go." He interrupts me, grinning falsely, and almost running to his car. The girls pile in after him, and I'm left on Maureen's driveway. I consider not getting in at all. It would be better for me to keep my distance. Right when I think things could happen, the idea is ripped out from under me. But when I see Roger's eyes staring sadly up at me from the driver's seat, almost begging me to get in, I can't help but comply to his wishes.

I climb in next to Maureen, watching her heels shift excitedly under her, and breathe a sigh of…I don't know what. Of want? Of need? Of something I can't have. Of something I shouldn't have. Something I should deny myself, but I'm too stupid to do it. I feel the car start, and before I know it, we're on our way to the restaurant. Maureen grapples my hand in hers, and I let it stay. I have to get used to doing things I don't want to do.

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Notes: I'm so tired. Please review. I hope you liked. I'm sorry for not updating in a while. Oops…XD Thanks guys! Love yaz!