*Barba*

The world slowed, his hands curled into fists, and he nearly forgot to breathe as he waited to gauge Olivia's reaction to the secret he and Sonny planned on keeping to themselves as long as possible. Making it public was out of the question, especially since they worked so closely together and people could easily raise a stink about a conflict of interest. Their jobs, their livelihoods, everything they worked for was on the line. In a way, he felt by admitting things now he was betraying Sonny's trust, which would likely cause further pain, but concern and a heart full of love drove him to make this move. It had been anything but easy, leaving Sonny at his apartment and driving over here to seek the help of the one person he trusted above anyone else, Sonny excluded, of course.

"Okay," Olivia said, her face near poker-player perfection. If it wasn't for the worry clouding her eyes or the fact she was already moving for her phone, no doubt to call Lucy, he would have thought she didn't care. I'd be so wrong. It's why I came here. She cares more than anyone. "Let me just make sure Lucy can come watch Noah and we'll be on the way."

"Thank you."

Barba stood awkwardly in the doorway while she placed her call and cleaned up the contents of her relaxing evening. A pang of guilt jabbed him. More than anyone should be allowed time to unwind, to get away from the stress and horrors of her job. What she dealt with on a daily basis, he was always in awe of her determination, her grit and fortitude. There was a reason she'd stuck around in SVU long enough to make captain.

A knock at the door a handful of minutes later revealed her sitter and just like that they were out the door and back down the stairs into the light rain.

"You drove here, I take It?" Olivia asked.

"Yes."

She held out her hand. "Keys, please. We need to talk and I don't think you having to weigh the hurt while focusing on the road is a good thing."

Barba handed over his keys. The headlights flashed when she hit the fob. Crossing to his car he caught himself trying to remember if Olivia had ever even been to his place. He'd stopped by her apartment a number of times, but usually, other than that, they wound up meeting in his office. Maybe, on a subconscious level, it was another attempt to keep his personal life separate. To keep certain parts of himself hidden.

Once they were safely ensconced in his sedan, Olivia started asking questions, treating him much the same way he'd seen her treat victims.

"First off, not to pry, but how long?"

"How long what?"

She pulled away from the curb. The GPS in his car provided her the route back to his place. "You and Sonny."

"Year and a half." Has it really been that long already? He frowned, placing his elbow on the door's armrest and resting his chin on his thumb, a finger curled against his lips. "I can't believe so much time had passed."

"And no one has figured it out? I'll give myself a little credit, I suspected, but never felt sure."

"You suspected?"

He saw her shrug in the glow of a passing streetlight. "Just little moments here and there, the exchanges between you two. I'm fine with it," she confirmed, stealing a glance in his direction, "if that's your concern. As long as you two are happy."

"We are." His frown deepened. "Or at least, we were."

"Tell me what you saw tonight. Help me understand why you think someone hurt Carisi."

Pain tightened its hold on his heart. When he took up the task of being the ADA for SVU he never expected in a million years how it would change his life. He was already quite a force to be reckoned with in court, but dealing with the assaulted and raped, trafficked children and battered women, it drove him to a new level of tenacity. The downside was it also kept him awake some nights and he stole hours of the night in his office going over files and cases and preparing for testimonies and cross examinations. That's how it started, him and Sonny.

"Rafael?"

He blinked, realizing he'd fallen into his thoughts instead of answering her question. It was a little weird and somewhat uncomfortable being on this side of things. "I'm sorry, my thoughts are a jumbled mess."

"It's okay, take your time." A heart beat passed and he saw her grip on the steering wheel tighten. "Wait, does this have anything to do with Carisi being undercover? He's supposed to check in tomorrow. He shouldn't even be-"

"At my apartment?" He finished for her. "I'm aware of this and his presence was my first clue something was amiss. You know him, he plays his undercover roles to a T."

"Shit," Olivia swore, something she rarely did. "Did he disclose to you what happened?"

"No." He closed his eyes, attempting to fight back the sorrow, the hurt and rage boiling within. Still, when he next spoke his voice cracked. "He was just sitting there in the dark, under the window, knees drown up, this vacant expression on his face." For a moment he bit his lip, replaying in perfect clarity how it went down.

"Sonny?" He placed his coat and briefcase by the door. A light burned in the kitchen, one he hadn't left on, and in its soft glow he spied the figure of the man who owned his heart. There was a moment of confusion, Sonny wasn't supposed to be here, and then one of panic. Something must have happened to bring him here, to make him break with his role. The case they were working, it was important, involved children, and Sonny had been all fired up to catch the slimbags… So why was he here?

Barba crossed the space, but drew up short when he got closer. He could have sworn his heart stopped for a beat. Maybe two. Then it broke.

"His clothes were torn, dirtied, and they roughed him up good. I should have taken him to the hospital. I should have stayed with him and called you instead of leaving but…"

"But what?"

Barba let his hands fall to his lap. His apartment building came into sight. "I tried to go to him and he shied away from me. He's never… I guess I reacted on impulse or something. Oh god, I'm horrible. I just left him there, what the hell was I thinking?"

Olivia parked the car and promptly placed a hand on his arm. "You are far from a horrible person, Rafael. You acted on instinct, you tried to comfort him, and when that fell through you dis the next best thing. Carisi'll understand."

His eyes burned with unshed tears. Barba placed a hand over hers. "Thank you, and I'm sorry to have ruined your evening."

"Raf, we're friends, you need help, and I love Carisi, too. Take me to him."

Before they got out of the car, though, Barba stopped her, meeting her gaze in the dim interior. "Nobody Else can know about this, okay? At least, for now. Please."

"You have my word."