A/N: I wholeheartedly apologize for the long delay. Work has been insane. Along with that I've started a account and have started posting a story to Vella. And I got a puppy!

*Barba*

How she managed to drag him back to her place was a miracle unto itself. He wanted to stay at the hospital, be at Carisi's side, and while he tried to impress upon her how he felt guilty and somehow responsible for the detective's condition--"I let him out of my sight and look what happened."—Barba knew deep in his heart she spoke the truth. What could he possibly do for his beloved? He was schooled in the ways of the law, not medicine, and Carisi was in the best possible place for his condition. They, or more Olivia, was on good terms with the nurse having crossed paths many times before and she assured them if anything changed he'd be the first to know.

Still, his heart ached in ways he wasn't familiar with, like something gnawed away at his insides leaving a numbing void behind. But how I can feel such pain and be numb at the same time? It was confusing, but the only thing that made sense. At least he managed to keep the tears at bay, for the most part, and if Liv saw any of the few that escaped she kept quiet, letting him grieve in his space while staying close at hand should he need her. Yet another of her stellar qualities and why she continued to spearhead the Special Victims Unit well beyond what anyone would have imagined. He often suspected she rubbed off on Finn and that's why the two were still going strong.

How they coped…

"If you want to stay here all day, that's fine," she said, slipping her key into the lock. She hesitated. "I'm sure Lucy wouldn't mind the company." No sooner had she made the statement, failing to give him even a breath of a chance to respond, she added, "On second thought, I'll stay home, too. I'll see if Lucy's okay taking Noah to school."

"You should go into work," he said. "Or people might start asking questions."

"Let them," she replied, giving him a level stare. "I'm a big girl, I can deal with whatever they say."

"Olivia…"

"Raff." She put a hand on his arm. "Seriously it's OK you can stay. I'd actually prefer it, in fact. We can strategize our next move, plus I need to call Cassidy."

Barba struggled with accepting her offer, not wanting to compromise her time more than he already had, and yet, he knew that if he went back to his apartment there'd be darkness and heartache waiting to drag him down and swallow him whole. Working his way to the bottom of a bottle wasn't going to solve the problem or offer even a glimpse of a solution. It would merely help feed the numbness inside. No, as much as he wanted to be alone, he wanted company even more.

"Thank you," he said.

"It's nothing," Liv assured him.

88888

Barba put on a brave face while Olivia got Noah ready for school, Lucy reading between the lines and more than happy to see to it that he got off to school fine. Once they were alone again Olivia somehow convinced him that some sleep would do him good and allowed him the honor of her bed, yet again insisting it was fine and he wasn't in any way putting her out or inconveniencing her. He figured there would be no way in hell he'd get even so much as a wink, not when worry wormed its way through his brain, squirming down every corridor and sparking one nasty heartbreaking thought after another. But the very same worry had left him emotionally drained and exhaustion that he'd somehow been keeping at bay won out.

Darkness claimed him and time sped by.

When he woke, confusion swirled around Barba as he tried to figure out where he was and why the other side of the bed was cold and empty. At first he thought, oh yes, because Carisi was away undercover. But the thought of his beloved brought the horror of the night washing back in and a series of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. As it was he found it hard to breathe, each draw of oxygen shallow and quickly released, his chest tight.

Carisi. Sonny.

He'd been hurt and they'd taken him to the hospital. How could he have slept peaceful in a comfy bed, not his own even, when the man who'd surprisingly won his heart was in the hospital? Barba threw back the blanket, getting quickly to his feet. He was familiar enough with Olivia's apartment to make his way around, heading first to the bathroom. His reflection looked a fright. After relieving himself, splashing water on his face, and brushing his teeth by means of toothpaste on his fingers, he was as ready as he could be to face the rest of the afternoon.

Yes, afternoon. The morning's already sped by and what have I done to help Sonny? I should have been at work instead of tucked away asleep. I should have had them out pounding the pavement to find the one responsible. Barba glared at his reflection.

Only as his self-loathing began to ebb did it dawn on him that he heard voices. Both of them familiar. He put himself to rights as best he could, then stepped out of the bathroom to see what was up.

"Barba," Finn greeted him, saying nothing more. Whatever conversation he'd shared with Olivia died.

She flashed a wondering look his way. Had she heard from the hospital yet, he wondered?

"Finn. Is something amiss?" Barba was pleased with his ability to portray a calm exterior while inside he was barely holding it together.

The seasoned detective shifted his gaze from Liv to Barba and back again. He wasn't a fool, one of the reasons he'd stuck around nearly as long as Liv, and for a brief moment Barba wondered what it would be like in SVU if they both left, but the thought passed quickly, gobbled up with other concerns. The wheels were turning in Finn's mind as he tried to piece together the facts.

They'd both missed work. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. He'd come out of Olivia's bedroom.

"It's not what it looks like," Barba injected before Finn voiced what he was thinking. "We aren't together."

"Never thought that for a minute. Liv's an amazing woman," Finn said, "but she isn't exactly your type." A heartbeat of silence passed. "Oh come on, what did you expect? Did you forget I've got a gay son? I've learned and thing or two, you know."

"Oh," was all Barba could muster. If Finn knew that much, did he know the rest? And what about the others?

"Yeah. Which is why I k ow you two are hiding something. What's up?"

Olivia took the lead. "It's about Carisi. He's in the hospital